Title: A New Officer/My New Partner

Author/psuedonym: Patt Paulos-Darrow

Pairing:J/B

Rating:R

Category:POV Poetry

Date:April 21, 2000

Series/sequel:no

Status:new

Archive:yes

Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me, never did, never will, but I can dream. Petfly doesn't like to share. They also don't pay me, darn it anyhow.

Warning: m/m

Summary: Serious stuff again. Jim and Blair's POV.

I am in a kind of prison.
No where to turn.
He will think it is because of him.
I am being held hostage by his life.
Somewhere along the line, I was lost.
I have no one to confide in.
I feel as though my lungs have been ripped out.
Can't breathe properly.
We are partners, what is wrong with me?
I feel like a foreigner in the bullpen.
Everyone looks at me like I am tainted.
Jim deserves much better.
Rumors that I have heard, tugged at my soul.
He has noticed how withdrawn I am.
It is hurting him a great deal.
I can hear him weep when he thinks I am sleeping.
The connection is lost.
Certainly we have sex, but part of us is missing.
I am a mere mortal, Jim thinks I am not.
God, he expects so much from me.
Just a sad creature on this earth, trying to be brave.
He looks at me with a sense of loss in his eyes that breaks me.
I can't do this.
No one said it would be this hard.
I can't resign, I have gone too far.
Should I surrender to my new life?
I am so confused and sad.
I feel sometimes like a token in Jim's world.
He is fearless, how can I compare to that?
Maybe I need to vocalize my feelings.
I would never abandon him. Never.
We will talk today.
Maybe it just takes time
. Please let it get better.

What is wrong with him?
He doesn't smile anymore.
Doesn't laugh or babble.
We all miss him so much.
My soul is crying out to him.
I have never been more afraid.
Maybe I pushed him to hard.
He might not have been ready for this.
I look and see a stranger in front of me.
One with no light in his eyes.
There used to be a spark.
I leave the room, because I can't stop from crying.
I know I am hurting him.
I have to talk to him.
Simple if you are good with words.
Not so simple for me.
God I miss him fucking me.
When did he stop?
Or at least when did he stop doing it with love?
Why didn't I say anything?
Questions unanswered, haunting like a ghost.
Please be happy, Blair.
Don't do this for me.
Talk to me,please talk to me soon.
My eyes aren't telling him enough.
I would take him in any way.
He doesn't have to be a cop.
But he is a good one.
Maybe he doesn't know.
I have to tell him.
We all have to tell him.
He is new, he will find peace, I know it.

END