The Letter
by Angel
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. Damn.
Spoilers: None.
Rating: PG13 for now, possibly ending with a NC-17.
Summary: Jim finds a letter from Blair and all hell breaks loose.
Note: This is my very first attempt at slash writing. I'm still a little nervous. Any feedback is welcome.
The Letter
by Angel
Damn my emotions. I can't believe this happened. When will I learn to not write down how I feel. My mistake. And I must say, a huge mistake.
I've never been known to make small ones. If it's a mistake, it's almost certain to be a big one.
I guess I better back up a bit. Let you know what happened and maybe you can judge for yourself.
I'm in love with Jim. Simple, right?
Wrong.
In my love lorn delirium, I wrote a letter. Not just any letter, no this was a love letter to Jim that I was never, ever going to give him. It was going to be tucked away with my other ramblings in a box under my bed.
No, this wasn't the first letter professing my love to Jim, but it was the most detailed and sappy one to date.
Yeah, I can do sappy.
Anyway, Jim apparently needed a piece of paper and went to my room to find one. There, on my desk, in full view was my notebook containing none other than 'The Letter'.
Stupid, huh.
So, I come home to a very pissed off sentinel.
"Hey Jim." I said casually. I didn't see the anger in his face at this point.
"Sandburg." He grounds out.
"Uh, is there something wrong?" I say knowing the answer.
"You could say that." He answers.
Uh-oh. "Okay, what's the problem." I ask nervously.
"Would you care to explain this letter to me, Chief?" He say waving the letter at me.
"Letter?" I squeak.
"Yeah, letter. Would you like me to read it to you? Maybe refresh your memory." He's getting sarcastic.
He begins to read. I begin to shake.
"Jim,
I'm writing this letter because I'm to much of a coward to tell you how I feel in person. In short, I'm in love with you. I have been for months now. It started the first day I meet you. I know this comes as a shock to you, but I hope that you feel the same way. I dream of the gentleness of your touch when we make love. Our hands softly exploring each others bodies. Your lips as they take mine in a long, passionate kiss. The heat as we climax together screaming each others names. The words "I love you, Chief" echoing in the afterglow.
My heart has never felt this way before and, I'm sure, will never feel this way with another. You are my soul, my reason for living. You are my Sentinel and I am your Guide but we can be so much more.
With all my love and devotion,
Blair"
He finishes the letter with a sneer and tosses it to the table.
"What is this shit!" He growls.
"I-I'm sorry." Was all I could say.
He proceeds to stalk towards me. His anger is ratiating from his body. He grabbed me by my collar and pushes backwards till I hit the door. Hard.
My head's still hurting from that.
Anyways, where was I.
I'm against the door and he is talking to me in a low, lethal tone.
"I'm sorry. What the fuck kind of answer is that. You lied to me. You told me it was about friendship but it's not. It's about lust. I trusted you and you do this to me. What makes you think that I could be interested in you in that way. You disgust me." He lets me go and I sink slowly to the floor.
The next sentence causes me to panic. Literally.
"Get the fuck out of my house!"
I set on the floor staring at the man I love more that life itself. He hates me. I feel my breathing start to betray me and find it hard to stay focused.
"One hour Sandburg, if you're not out by then, I'll throw you out myself." He then turns around, picks up the letter and tears it up throwing the small pieces in my face.
I see him go upstairs to his room.
I could just die.
I try to get my breathing under control and crawl to my room. Shutting the door, I began to pack.
I had one hour.
Part 2
Once I get to my room and shut the door, the realization of what's happened hits me full force. I stagger to my feet and make my way to my closet to get my bags. It won't take long to pack, just a few minutes. The pain in my head makes it hard to think as I begin to throw items into my bags.
Must have hit my head harder than I thought.
I shake off that thought and continued to pack. Twenty minutes later, just about everything I own is in 3 large duffel bags and my backpack. I figure he'll throw whatever's left away.
Now, all I need to do is get this stuff down to my car. Feeling slightly drowsy at this point, I set on the bed and fall over on my side. I'm not crying, but the tears are there just the same. The man that owns my heart is throwing me out into the street.
A feeling of depression begins to overtake me as I feel sleep tempting me. I know I fought it, but at this point it was stronger than I was and it won.
I'm weak.
The next thing I remember is Jim shaking me and calling my name. He almost sounds concerned.
Almost.
"Sandburg, Sandburg wake up! Come on kid, wake up damn it!!"
"Huh, what time..." I start then realize what must have happened. I fell asleep and I'm sure I've been here way past my deadline.
Shit.
I jump up off the bed and waver slightly. He reached out and steadied me.
I thought he was going to ask me something but then his face grew cold. "I've been trying to wake you up for five minutes. I told you an hour, it's been almost two." He glanced at my bags still lying on the floor. "You done?" He asked me.
"Yeah." I answered still slightly dizzy.
"Then I suggest you leave." He says then turns to leave.
"Okay." I bent down and grabbed my bags. I carried them as far as I could before deciding that I would have to make two trips. I drop one of the duffels and my backpack by the door and take the others down to the car. On my return trip, another wave of dizziness hits and I find myself stumbling up the stairs.
"Shit!" To bad I was going up the stairs and not down. That would have solved both our problems. Him wanting to kill me and me wanting to die. Oh well, better luck next time.
I wait a second then get up. Still feeling slightly light headed, I take the rest of the stairs slowly. Damn that elevator. It would have to break down now.
I walk into the loft and notice Jim setting on the couch. He's got a bottle of beer in one hand and the remote in the other. He almost seems sad.
I'm sure I imagined it.
"I'm going Jim. I'm sorry." Pathetic, I know, but when you have a broken heart......
Anyway, I left, I know he said something to me as I was leaving but the pain in my head prevented me from hearing him. I'm sure it wasn't nice.
Once I got to my car, I looked up at the place that use to be my home and cried.
So here I am, in my car trying to decide were to go. The decision should be easy. I have two options. Number one, go the University and sleep in my office. Number two, go to a motel. Since I have very little money, I think I'll go to the U.
Decision made, I start my car and leave my life behind.
Part 3
Note: This one is from Jim's POV. Sorry for any mistakes. My spell check has decided to stop working at this moment.
He's gone, what am I going to do now. My fear and anger drove the only true friend I've ever had in my life away.
Fear based response. Shit!
Why did he have to go and fall in love with me. Hell, I knew something was up.
I am a Sentinel after all. Not to mention a damn good detective.
After finding the letter, I was confused. After reading the letter I was, well let's just call it more confused and leave it at that. My body more or less betrayed me.
This in itself made me angry. I don't really think I was all that angry at Sandburg just that fact that he could do that to me and not even be in the same room. It was all I could do to will down the painful erection before the author of that letter came home.
But he did come home, and yes, I was still aroused so that made me even angrier. Next I did the only thing I knew how to do. Lash out to the only person in my life who loved me unconditionally.
Man did I screw up.
I attacked him, literally, by backing him against the door. I know I hurt him not only physically but emotionally. I tried to stop myself before it went to far. But my mouth had other plans. I told him, and I quote, to 'get the fuck out of my house'.
He panicked, I saw this and walked away. What he didn't know was that I monitored him from my room to make sure he was all right.
He crawled to his room and shut the door, I could here the bags being opened and items being shoved in. Then I heard him set down and cry. Not a loud painful cry, but a silent kind of cry that broke my heart.
He was a sleep in minutes. I then descended the stairs and sat vigil in his room. I knew he hit his head pretty hard so I checked the lump at the base of his skull. Not to big, but big enough.
Fuck.
I sat on the floor beside his bed and watched him sleep. I never realized before how beautiful he was. He is a sight to behold.
Perfect.
I had decided to let him stay until he began to talk in his sleep. Sappy love stuff that made me uncomfortable because it was directed towards me.
Soft 'I love you Jim' and 'I'm sorry I feel the way I do' drifted up to me. My body rebelled a second time and my anger flared again.
Can you say repressed.
That was all I could take, I woke him up and told him to get going.
Believe it or not, after I heard him stumble on the stairs, I decided, again, to let him stay. I was worried that that bump on the head was worse that I thought. He shouldn't be driving with a head injury. I was going to take him to the emergency room instead. After all I was the cause of his injury, the least I could do was make sure he was all right.
Okay, I care. So shoot me.
When he came in to get his other bags, I asked him to please stay but it came out as such a whisper that I doubt he heard me.
He told me again that he was sorry and left. I got up and walked to the balcony and stayed just out of sight. I watched him look up at the loft and wipe tears from his eyes. He was crying again and it was my fault.
My heart literally broke.
It was at that moment that I realized why I was acting this way.
I loved him. I didn't want to admit it. After all Father drilled it into our brains that loving another man was wrong. The problem with that was, as I watched him drive away and felt my heart explode in my chest, loving him felt nothing but right.
I'm such a fool.
I then tossed my beer in the sink, grabbed my jacket and went after the man that held my heart in his hands. I hope he can forgive an old fool for being scare.
I've never been so scared in my life.
Part 4
Jim's POV
Where is he. I don't understand. I would have bet a months wages on him being at the University. After setting and waiting.....and waiting...and waiting, I finally gave up on that and back tracked to the loft thinking he might have changed his mind.
My heart was hoping that was the case, my mind on the other hand, was a bit more practical and feared the worst.
Fear drove me to call Simon. I knew, knowing Sandburg, that he probably didn't call anyone regarding what happened for fear of rejection or embarrassment, but a Sentinel could only hope.
Hell, he was already rejected once tonight.
"Banks!" He barked.
"Simon, it's me...Jim." Why am I nervous? This is Simon for God sakes.
"Jim, what time is it?" He asked. I must have woke him up.
"Uh....11:00. Sorry, did I wake you?" I say trying to sound apologetic.
"Yeah, but it's okay. What's wrong?" Funny how he can always tell when there's something wrong.
"Has Sandburg been by there tonight?"
"No, haven't seen him. Jim....what's going on?" He's getting concerned.
"Well, Sandburg and I kind of had a fight....more of an argument really, and I sort of through him out." Here it comes.
"You what!!!!" He yells.
I expected that.
"He's also.....hurt."
"Jim, tell me you didn't hurt him. I swear to God if you hurt him...."
"Simon, I don't have time for this, you can beat the shit out of me later, I need to find him. Will you help me?"
"Of course I'll help you, pick me up in twenty minutes. Oh and Jim, I want the complete story when you get here."
"Sure Simon, whatever you say." I then hung up, swung the truck around and headed for Simon's house.
Eighteen minutes later, I pulled into his driveway. He was waiting outside.
Damn he must really be worried.
"Have you called the hospital?" He asked in instead of a greeting.
"No, would you mind doing that while I drive?"
He was already on the phone.
"This is Captain Simon Banks with the Cascade PD, I need to know if you've had a patient brought in by the name of Blair Sandburg? Yes, I'll wait....No, okay thank you."
"What about an APB?" I ask.
"Did that before you came by. Would he have gone to a friends house?"
"I don't know any of his friends from the University. I guess I should have paid more attention. Shit Simon, where could he be?" I said slamming my fist on the dash board.
"I called Joel, he's not there. H and Rafe are on stake out tonight. Why don't you tell me what happened from the beginning. Don't worry, we'll find him."
So I tell him. I can see by the look on his face that he's not pleased.
"Damn it Jim, I thought you were a detective. Hell, I could tell the kid was in love with you and I know you have feelings for him. You just hide yours better. Shit, when it comes to love, you have the brains God gave a rock."
Oh yeah, he's mad.
"I know, I know. Save the lecture for later, right now I need to find him and try my damnedest to get him back. I'll do anything, I just want him back were he belongs."
I guess I can do sappy to.
Who knew.
part 5
This is from Blair's POV.
Pain. What happened? The last thing I remember was realizing I had taken a wrong turn and then nothing.
Shit! I've driven to and from the U a thousand time, how in the hell did I make a wrong turn?
Jim, where are you?
I must have blacked out. That's the only thing that could explain the telephone pole my front end is currently wrapped around.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Damn I hurt.....all over. I'm sure there's something that doesn't hurt, I just haven't found it yet.
Please, someone find me.
After deciding that movement is not advisable at this time, I take note of my surroundings. Pretty deserted area. Since I've been conscious, I've seen absolutely no one. Not one car, not one pedestrian....no one.
Lot's of buildings though, they look like warehouses.
How did I get way out here?
Wait, don't answer that. I have a pretty good idea how I ended up here. Perfect end to a fucking perfect day.
I try to move again. I need to get out and get help. The person I could usually depend on, I find out, could care less.
So here I am, hurt, alone and talking to myself. I unbuckle my seat belt and decide to try the door. It actually opened....sorta. I think I can squeeze through.
Okay...bad idea. Walking is most certainly out of the question. I guess I slammed my knee on the dash board. Ribs are injured too.
Anyway.
I try to get back into the car and find that the door that sorta opened earlier, shut during my graceful exit and now refuses to open again.
Shoot me now.
What else could possibly go wrong. In one day, I've lost my home, my best friend, had my heart broken, my head slammed into a door, got lost, blacked out, while driving I might add, hit my head yet again on the steering wheel, totaled my car....well you get the picture.
Life sucks.
On the upside, however, I don't think the second head injury did any more damage. Well, beside the two inch gash it left in it's wake. I'm awake, but drowsy, I'm thinking fairly straight, (no pun intended) and I think I have a pretty good idea where I am.
So now if a certain anal retentive cop/sentinel would just get a clue and find me, all would be hunky dory.
Did I just say hunky dory? Maybe I'm not as well off as I thought.
part 6
It's been two long hours since I picked Simon up and we've seen nothing. For every minute that passes, a little piece of my heart breaks.
I feel so alone.
As I'm driving, my mind begins to wonder. 'What would it be like? Touching Blair, Kissing Blair, making love to Blair.' I stop at the last thought. Making love to Blair. I would have thought that one sentence would have been enough to turn my stomach, but instead I find it....appealing.
If only my brain and my heart would have been on speaking terms, this whole mess could have been avoided. I could be at the loft, right now, showing Blair how I feel. But noooo, I had give in to my fear based responses and fuck everything up.
You're a real piece of work Ellison.
Blair, I promise, if you come home, I'll never let you out of my sight again. You'll know what it is to be truly loved.
"Jim!" Simon yells.
"Sorry Simon...." I stop in mid-sentence. I have this feeling, I can't explain it, but I feel he's close.
I look around, we're in the warehouse district.
"Simon, he's here, somewhere. I can feel him." I say stopping the truck.
"You what....never mind. Where?"
"I'm not sure....." I cock my head and listen. Really listen. There, his heartbeat.
I jump out of the truck and take off. Simon was close behind.
I rounded one corner, then another. Finally I see it. His car wrapped around a telephone pole. My newly found love's precious body lying on the ground beside it.
"Simon, call an ambulance!" But even as I say it, Simon is already one step ahead of me.
"Done." He said, but I barely hear it. I skid to a stop next to Blair and let my hands roam his body for injuries.
Remarkably, I don't feel anything broken. A rib or two possibly cracked, knee injury, gash on his forehead, and a number of angry looking bruises.
And lets not forget the concussion.
"Blair, come on buddy, can you hear me?" I say with my hand on that beautiful cheek.
Beautiful? I'm getting mushy in my old age but I don't care. My Blair is here, and alive.
His eyes begin to flutter, he's waking up.
"Blair, come on babe, wake up for me."
"J-jim?" My name never sound so good.
"Yeah buddy, it's me. Lay still, ambulance's on it way."
"Jim, how is he?" Simon asked.
"I think he's going to be all right, he's got some pretty nasty bumps and bruises though." I say, my eyes never leaving his.
"Good....good, uh, I'll go wait on the ambulance." Simon then left.
"J-jim, what are y-you doing here?" He asked in a weak voice.
He thought I wouldn't come.
"Taking care of you. Now, just be still, everything'll be just fine. I promise."
"I thought y-you didn't c-care. I..." He passes out before he can finish.
"I care Chief, more than you know. Get well and I'll show you just how much. I love you." I whisper.
Part 7
The ride to the hospital was a complete blur to me. I remember waking up and seeing Jim. He actually looked..... concerned. I could have sworn that he said he loved me, but my foggy brain makes me unsure. All I can really remember clearly are the hurtful things he said to me and why I left in the first place. I have this awful feeling that, once this little crisis is over, he'll go back to hating me and my world will once again be a pile of rubble at my feet. My broken heart teetering unsteadily on top.
Why do I let myself get into these situations in the first place. I would of thought that I'd learned my lesson by now. Once a fool, always a fool.
The Doctor, Miller I think was his name, came in and treated my injuries. He spoke non-stop will he worked. No wonder Jim and Simon hate it when I ramble, this guy was driving me nuts. I did catch a little of what he was saying when it pertained to my injuries. Two cracked ribs, some rather colorful bruises on my chest, bruised knee, and a concussion. They're keeping me for observation because apparently I lost consciences at the scene.
At lease I won't have to worry about a place to stay tonight.
With my knee and my ribs securely wrapped, six stitches in my head and nice shot of pain killers, they scooted me off to my room. Not once did I see Jim during the exam. I thought I heard him when I was brought in, but then he disappeared.
I knew he didn't really care.
I can feel the painkillers kicking in as I begin to drift. I can't feel the pain in my knee or my ribs, my head doesn't hurt as much either. But no matter how many pain killers they give me, it won't stop the pain I feel from my broken heart.
I'm hopeless.
"Sandburg?" That's Simon.
"Huh?"
"I'm sorry, I won't stay long, I just had to see how you're doing. Dr. Miller said you can go home in the morning."
I'm glad someone cares.
"Yeah, what time is it?" I slur
"Oh, it's....2:15am. Do you need anything?"
What a guy.
"No...I'm fine." I don't even want to know where Jim is. I'm sure he's long gone by now.
"Okay, well you better get some rest. I'll come by the loft tomorrow to check on you. Jim is....." He said, reaching for the door.
"Don't bother, I won't be there." I know I shocked him with the coldness of my words. But they were true. I won't be there.
"What? Of course you will, where else would you go?" He's thoroughly confused now.
"I'm tired." I answered. I really don't want to get into this now.
"Sandburg, I don't know what's going on between Jim and you. I'm not sure I want to know, but please know this, Jim wants you home. He's not here because...."
"Goodnight Simon." I interrupted.
"Damn it Sandburg......." He stares at me for a few seconds and finally gives up. "Goodnight." He says.
As the door shuts, I close my eyes and let the medicine take me away.
part 8
This is a very short POV from Simon.
Damn those two. How can two people who care for each other as much as those two do, act as if they don't.
First, Jim throws Blair out of the loft. Why you ask. Because Jim snooped around and found something he didn't expect. A letter professing Blair's undying love to James Joseph Ellison, detective, Cascade Police Department. And of course, Jim overreacted and threw him out. But not before physically and emotionally hurting the kid.
Damn him to hell.
When Jim called, I knew from the tone of his voice that something had happened. I was shocked, however, that it had gotten so out of control. I knew Jim cared for the kid, hell, I even suspected that he loved him. And you'd have to be blind if you didn't see how the kid felt about him.
I just hope that Jim can fix this. Blair's an emotional wreck and it's all his fault. It was all I could do to kept from grabbing Blair in a big Captain bear hug. He looked so.....broken. If I were a few years younger, I'd give Jim a run for his money, but I know that would never happen. I'm the father figure and nothing more. Oh well, at least I'm something to the kid, even if it's not what I would like it to be. It'll have to be enough.
And to top it off, Jim asks me to not let Sandburg know that he told me anything. In other words, lie to the kid. I hate lying.... especially to someone I care about.
Yes I care. I'll say it again. I CARE!!!!
Telling Sandburg that I didn't know what was going on was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I understand why Jim didn't want Sandburg to know that I knew. He didn't want him to be embarrassed.
But it was still hard.
I could tell that he was wondering were Jim was. I tried to tell him on more that one occasion that Jim was getting his stuff out of the car and taking it back to loft were it belonged. Were he belonged, but he never let me finish. He thinks Jim doesn't care anymore.
If he only knew.
I think that he should have been there with Blair, but he was so determined to get Blair's stuff back home that he wouldn't listen to reason. So that left me to set and watch a beautiful heart break even more. Even in his drug induced daze, I could see the pain.
I'm finding it hard to leave the hospital so I set and wait in the waiting room. I'll be close just in case he needs something. Jim said he'd be back in a couple of hours. When he gets back, I think I'll give him another piece of my mind. The one that says 'don't hurt the one's you love'.
part 9
It took longer than I thought to get Blair's stuff out of the totaled Volvo. How he came out of it with only minor injuries is beyond me. I'm thanking God for it though. When I saw him lying there, not moving. I thought that was it. Even though I knew in my head that I had heard his heartbeat and it was that same heartbeat that helped me find him, there was still a part of me that thought it was a lie. Some cruel joke. Letting me realize that I did in fact love him then have him snatched from me in the blink of an eye.
I know that I should have stayed with him at the hospital, Simon looked ready to spit nails when I told him I was leaving. He just doesn't understand. I have to have everything perfect when he comes home. After I put his stuff neatly back in his room, I then prepared the loft for his return home. I figured that he would be released tonight or at the latest in the morning so I had a lot of work to do.
I quickly changed the sheets on his bed, knowing that no matter how much I wanted him to, there'd be no way he could make the climb to my room, to my bed. I then added a couple more blankets to make sure he would be completely comfortable. A few more minor touches and the loft was ready.
When I turned to leave, I saw the letter torn into piece on the floor. With great care, I picked up the pieces and placed them lovingly on the table. I then ran up to my room and found a piece of poster board, and a tube of glue. It took me almost an hour to fit the pieces into place, but when I was done, I once again held the letter in my shaky hands.
This I will keep forever.
I read over it again, hearing the words of love my dear Blair wrote. This time there was no anger, no disgust, just a feeling love that hit me so hard that it literally brought me to my knees.
I wept. I wept for what I did, for what I almost lost and for the fear that I will never have that love again. I have to make him understand. I know now that I will die without him.
How can a man live without his heart.
I get up off the floor and place the precious gift onto the table so that it's the first thing he sees. I touch it one last time and leave.
I have to go back my Blair. He needs me.
Once I get to the hospital, It was no problem finding Blair's room, or the large police captain camped out in the waiting area.
"Simon?" I say while gently shaking him.
"Huh, wha....."
"Sorry, it took me a little longer than I thought. How is he?" I ask.
"Sleeping. I checked on him about a half an hour ago. They're going to let him go in the....I mean this morning. Probably about ten or eleven. Did you get his stuff?" Boy does he sound grumpy.
"Yeah, I cleaned the loft while I was at it. Thanks for staying with him. I really appreciate it." I grinned.
"You should have been here. He thought.....he thinks you don't give a rat's ass about him. I still can't fucking believe what you did. If I wasn't so damn tired, I'd kick your ass from one end of this hospital to the other. You better fix this....cause if you don't....." Wow was he angry.
"Okay Simon, I get it. You care. And I'll say it again, to you, to him, to everyone in God green acre, I'm sorry. I'm a prick and I don't deserve Blair's love or your friendship. But I'm thankful I have both." That seemed to soften him up a little bit.
"Fine, now go see your partner. That's an order!"
"Yes sir!" I said saluting.
"Smartass." He yells after me.
I laugh and continue on. I pause at the door and go over in my mind what I'm going to say. Do I say 'I'm sorry and I love you too'? Maybe I should kiss him and let that speak for me. Oh well, I figure it out once I get in there.
I push open the door and walk to his bed. He's sleeping. His beautiful face drawn in pain and heartache. And it was me that put those there.
I reach over and brush a stray curl from his face. I couldn't help but to linger on that check and run the back of my hand against the smooth skin. Even the ugly bruise and the angry gash doesn't take away from his beauty.
"Jim?" Shit he's awake.
"Oh uh....hey." Great come back you fuck.
"What.....what are you doing? Why are you here?" He asked still a little groggy.
"I came to see how you're doing. I'm sorry I left earlier, I had something to do." He seems shocked that I haven't moved my hand. I just can't help it, I have to touch him.
He leans a little into the touch. "I...thought you...didn't care." He tells me, a lone tear tracking down his check.
"I'm so sorry, Blair. I'm such a dumb fuck. I just got scared." He gives me a look of amazement. "Yes, I get scared sometimes. I guess I've always had feeling for you, but I'm so good at repressing my feelings that I guess I repressed that to. Please forgive me. Give me another chance. I promise that I'll never hurt you again."
"Jim...I don't know what to do. I want you...I want your love....but what if these feeling you have for me are just a reaction to me being hurt, they could changes once we get back home and things start getting back to normal. I don't know if I can do that." Blair said as he grabbed my hand.
"Blair...love....I knew the mistake I made two minutes after you left. I didn't know anything about the accident then. I thought you had gone to the University. I was looking for you because I wanted you to come back to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is.....I....I love you too. I know that what I've done is inexcusable and I wouldn't blame you if you told me to get the hell out of your life. But please....please give me another chance..." Boy when I start babbling.
Blair's speechless. So I decide to punctuate my speech with a gentle kiss. I didn't know the kid's eye's could get that big.
"Jim?" He says.
"Yeah?" I say not an inch from his blushing face.
"Do that again...will ya?" He grinned.
"Oh yeah.." The kiss this time was heated with passion and the promise of things to come. I never knew he could taste so good. I take it a step further and ask for admittance. He eagerly complies. I feel that if I don't stop now, I may never stop. The painful erection I have is threatening to burst out of the confines of my jeans and make itself known.
Down boy. We have plenty of time for than later.
"Babe....we need to stop. The nurse is coming." I say kissing him again.
He's like a drug and I'm already addicted.
"I don't care, I wanna come too." He says seriously.
I had to laugh. "We'll have plenty of time for that later once I get you home."
He reaches out and touches my erection through my jeans. "Can we go home now?"
"Blair, even after we get home, you still need to rest. You have two cracked ribs and a mess of bruises. We won't be doing nothing more than heavy petting for a little while. Be patient." I can tell he's painfully hard to. I hear a small whimper escape as the nurse walks into the room.
"Hello Mr. Sandburg, I'm Nurse Hammonds, I'll be your RN this morning. I just need to take your vitals and ask you a few questions, then I'll leave you to your friend." She said sweetly.
"Blair, I'm just going to grab a cup of coffee, I'll be back in a few minutes." I said with a wink.
"Okay, don't be long. We'll pick up were we left off when you get back." He said with a wicked grin.
"Absolutely." I grinned back then left.
Man, if I'd known this is what it would feel like to love Blair and to be loved by Blair, I would have done it a long, long time ago.
Life is good.
Part 10
Note: Thanks to everyone who encouraged me thus far. This story could end here but I find it hard to leave it as is. I'm having way to much playing with the guys to just leave them alone.
Blair's POV
I have got to tell you, I would never had thought that James Joseph Ellison, ex-Army Ranger, police detective and Sentinel of the Great City, could change so....completely. The man that found that blasted letter then subsequently broke my heart, that same man whom had me running like a scared kid into the night, just came in here and literally turned my world upside down.
He kissed me.
At first it was a sweet, gently kiss. Then, after asking him to please do it again, it was an earth shattering, bone jarring kiss that rocked my world.
I felt everything that was Jim Ellison in one instance. His love, his fears, his guilt, and his...arousal. I shuddered at the realization of that one act of....love. Then I took it a step further and traced his erection through his jeans.
Wow.
I figured that he would be rather large considering his size, but man, my fantasized version of Jim had nothing on the real thing. If he looked that big still clothed....well lets just say that my dream- Jim tonight will have a cosmetic adjustment.
Okay...okay...he'll be back soon, I have to stop thinking of a naked Jim in my bed and doing.....
Oh shit....stop thinking about it.....stop thinking about it.
He's back as is my painful erection from earlier.
"Hey Chief." He says grinning.
"Hi....did you get your coffee?" That was a stupid question considering he's holding it in his hand.
"Uh...yeah. You all right?" Jim asked me taking a step closer.
"Sure....I'm just thinking." He looks at the product of my thought and grins wider.
"About me I hope." He closes the distance between us and gives me a quick kiss.
"Can't you tell?" I answer nodding my head towards my groin.
"Yeah....yeah I can tell. Do you want me to...uh...take care of that for you?" Talk about a shit eating grin.
"Here?" I squeaked.
"Why not?" He says reaching for my penis under the covers.
"I...uh...oh yeah. That...that would be...ahhhh...wonderful." Man what he does to me.
The pain in my ribs, knee and head are drowned out by the pure pleasure of Jim's hand on me, stroking slowly from base to tip. He's extremely gentle, taking great care to not hurt me. Then he does something even I couldn't have expected. He lifts up the side of the covers, raises up my gown and leans over my mid-section. After hovering over me for a few agonizing seconds, he flicks his tongue against the tip.
My world explodes.
I lost all conscience thought as he slowly took the tip into his mouth. Gently raking his teeth against the sensitive flesh. Taking me deeper, he starts in earnest.
"Oh shit....oh shit..." I moan.
He's grinning, and...and humming. He's sucking for all it's worth now. He knows I'm close. He brings a hand up and begins to fondle my balls, rolling them gently between his fingers.
That's all I can take.
"Jim.....fuck Jim, I'm.....I'm...." But I can't say it. It's to late. The orgasm hit's me full force. My world, as I knew it, shatter and was replaced by the man of my dreams.
I swear I came up of the bed.
After the last of the mind-blowing orgasm ebbed away, I shivered uncontrollably. He replaced the gown and the covers and made his way to the head of the bed.
I reach out and wipe a drop of cum off his chin. "That...that was.. electric. That was possibly the best...no it was absolutely the best blow job of my life. I can't believe you did that man."
Reaching out and cupping my face with his hands he says, "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've....I guess I've wanted to do that for a long time. I just couldn't help myself. You...you smell so good, I..I just had to taste you." Then he kisses me again.
A long lustful kiss that seems to last forever. Then I realize that he's probably in a world of hurt himself. Reaching down I find his groin.
It's wet. He came and I didn't even touch him.
Jesus.
"Jim....you came. I...I didn't touch you." I say giving voice to my thought.
"You didn't have to Chief, just the smell of your arousal, the sound of your voice, your taste, the feel of you in my mouth, the look on your face as you climaxed, all those combined did this to me. This is what you do to me." He says grabbing my hand and placing it again on the wet spot.
"Wow."
"Yeah...wow." He smiles.
"How....how are you going to, you know, leave with that more that noticeable wet spot on the front of your jeans?" I had to smile at the mental picture.
"I...I...really don't know. I'll figure something out. Why don't you rest, you still have a few hours before they release you." Again he kisses me.
"Okay, sounds good..." I yawn, "you'll be here when I wake up?" I ask groggily.
"Always Chief, always."
I'm sure the silly smile on my face stayed as I drifted off to sleep. No need for fantasizing tonight, my dream just came true.
Part 11
Note: Okay....first off, thanks for all the positive FB so far. I've really enjoyed reading your comments. Second, this one is from Simon's point of view. I, for some odd reason, had a flash of Simon standing at the door of the hospital room while Jim and Blair....you know. So this is his musings on what happened.
You know, I don't really think of myself as a voyeur. I mean, what other people do in private is none of my business. Right?
Right.
So there I am, minding my own business, walking along the corridor to Blair Sandburg's room holding a plant and a teddy bear I picked up in the gift shop.
Yeah, I said teddy bear.
It was cute and cuddly and it kind of reminded me of a certain observer we all know and love.
Anyway.
I get to Blair's room and push on the door slightly to peek in. I'll give you three guesses as to what I saw.
Yep, got it in one.
My very good friend, Jim Ellison, was giving my other very good friend, Blair Sandburg, and very thorough blow job.
Okay.....
So there I was, getting an eye full and not able to turn my voyeuristic ass around and head quietly back down the hall. I was frozen to that spot staring through a three inch space between the door and frame. I was so hard it hurt.
I'm not saying I've never seen anyone get or give a blow job before. Hell, I've had more than a few myself.
Even given a couple.
But this was, erotic...sensual. Blair's face was so open so full of love for this man that my heart hurt to watch.
But I did.
I can't believe, for one second, that Jim didn't hear me. I know he did....he's a sentinel. Right?
Even that didn't stop me. Obviously it didn't bother Jim because he just keep right on going till Blair came.
If I had been an artist I would have been inspired to capture that beautifully enraptured face on canvas.
I can tell now that the love they share is pure. Even though it took almost loosing Blair for that hard-ass prick of a detective in there to see it. I'm still pissed about that pushing him again the wall thing, and throwing him out of the loft thing, and all around treating that beautiful creature like shit.
I know that a person like me, a hardened Police Captain, shouldn't think thought like that. But I am human. I appreciate beauty as much as the next person whether it be a man or woman. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart.
And like I said earlier, if I where a few years younger, I'd give Jim a run for his money. I guess that's completely out of the picture now though, but I will be watching.
Jim's not the only one who can fit the 'blessed protector' bill around here.
The Letter 12
Note: This is from Jim's POV. Sorry for any mistakes.
Every nerve in my body is on fire. I've had the most absolutely mind numbing experience of my live. I went down on my best friend, And if that's not shocking enough, I did it in his hospital room were anyone could walk in on us.
Not that I would notice.
The President himself could have walked in and I don't think I would have noticed. Every sense was zoned in on Blair.
I don't know why I did what I did. It just seemed to be the right thing to do. I had to show Blair how I felt and I don't think I was getting it across with words. Oh I know that I put a sizable chink in that armor he's built around himself with that kiss, but he still had his doubts. It's hard to tear down a wall that's taken a life time to build.
I think I made a pretty damn good dent in it now, though.
I called Simon on his cell and asked him to drop by the Loft to pick me up a change of clothes on his way here. He seemed a little distracted but I chalked that up to him still being a little pissed at me for what I did to Blair.
Who can blame him.
When Simon arrived I was caught off guard by the tenderness and sorrow that shown in his eyes for a brief second. He was quick to replace it with his usual gruff Captain persona. It probably would have worked too if it wasn't for the medium sized auburn teddy bear he held in the curve of his right arm.
Well I'll be damned.
"Jim?" Simon said.
"Hey Simon, thanks." I answered reaching for the small duffel hanging on his shoulder.
"Not a problem. How is he?" He asked placing the small plant he was caring along with the teddy bear on the roll away tray next to the bed.
"He's doing good, he's been asleep for a little over an hour." I walk into the bathroom to change. "Pull up a chair and stay awhile, he's waking up."
"Oh, okay." I hear him say through the door.
I hear the chair being placed by the bed and Simon saying Blair's name. I can still hear the concern in his voice as he speaks to him, but there's something else, too. I can't quit put my finger on it, but it sounds almost like fear.
What would Simon have to be afraid of.
I walk out of the bathroom and see two beautiful blue eyes looking at me and a drowsy smile that melts my heart.
"Hey Chief, sleep well?" I ask him with a grin.
"Great, hi Simon." He answers finally noticing the gifts on the tray.
"Hello Sandburg, I'm glad to see you're doing better. I....uh...I brought you these." Simon said motioning towards the tray.
"Wow, thanks Simon." He reaches for the teddy bear. "Teddy bear?" He grins.
"Yeah, well I was just going to get you the plant but that little guy just caught my eye. I can take it back if you don't like it." He was nervous. Why?
"No, I love it. Thanks a lot Simon. Kinda looks like me, don't ya think?" Blair said holding the bear up next to his face.
"Yeah, with all that hair...." I laughed and ducked as Blair threw a empty box of tissues my way. It was cute, just like Blair. I'm a little shocked that Simon bought it though.
"You know, they're kicking me out of here in a couple of hours." Blair said still holding the bear close.
"Yeah, I know. I bet it'll be good to get home. You are going home....to the loft I mean?" Simon's really acting strange.
I thought I saw a moment of fear flash across Blair's face but I could be wrong. He looked at me for a moment, then smiled. "Yeah, I'm going home. Hey, maybe you can come over tonight for dinner. Jim's cooking."
"Well I...." Simon looked at first me then Blair.
"You're more than welcomed, Simon." I add.
"Sure, that'd be great. What time?"
"About six. I think there's a Jags game on tonight, we can watch it afterwards." I walk over and set on the edge of the bed.
"Sounds like a plan. Well I better get going, I've got a lot of work to do before six. Sandburg, you take care of yourself and if you need anything....anything at all, you call me. I'll see you at six." Simon said and turned to leave.
"Simon." Blair called after him.
"Yeah?" He answered still facing the door.
"Thanks....for everything." Blair said with a hint of reservation in his voice.
Simon turned and gave Blair a small smile. "You're welcome, kid. See ya." Then he left.
"Wow, I don't think I've seen Simon so......I don't know...."
"Sincere?" I finish for him.
"Yeah, he really seems to care about me. It's Kinda nice...you know?" Blair said grabbing my hand.
I think about it for a few seconds then answer, "He cares Blair, I think what happened kind of shook him up. I really need to tell you something." I stop to gather my thoughts, "I told him what happened...before you say anything, I asked him to play dumb. He was really pissed at me for what I did to you. I thought he was going to yank my heart out when I told him. I get a feeling that he really doesn't trust me around you. Like I'm going to hurt you again or something." I pause and grip his hand tighter. "You don't think that do you?"
"No, of course not. And I kind of had a feeling that he knew. It's okay though." He's lying.
Who can blame him.
"Don't worry Chief, I made a promise and I intend to keep it." I bend down and kiss him gently. "I love you."
"Love you too, Jim." He answers with a smile.
end part 12