Author: Linda Sorrell/ The Cherokee girl
Email address:cherokeegirl2000@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17 m/m
Pairings: Jim/Blair
Fandom: The Sentinel
Status: Complete
Date: December 18, 2000
Category: Drama
Disclaimer: Not mine, I just borrowed them. They belong to Petfly and Paramount.
Summary: Jim and Blair have an unusual Christmas.
Notes: Thank to Kathie and the Karate Kid, as always.
The Ellison's Christmas Miracle
by Linda Sorrell/ The Cherokee girl
It had been a grueling three weeks for Blair, in addition to finals at the university he had been helping Jim investigating a string of robberies of upscale department stores. The thieves broke into the businesses shortly after closing, by-passed the alarm systems and took the money out of the safes and registers. The robberies were clean and quick and obviously the work of experts. No evidence was left at the crime scene to lead the police to the perpetrators. The only clue they had was that the thieves were experienced in cracking safes.
When the second store was robbed the thieves apparently didn't realize that the owner Isaac Steinberg and his wife Ruth were still there going over the day's receipts. They killed him with a single shot to the head from a .38 caliber weapon, they shot and critically wounded his wife, and apparently believing her to be dead, they opened the safe, took the money and left.
They finally got a tip through one of Jim's informants that Hollander's Department Store was the next in line to be hit. They staked out the store for three nights before they finally caught the thieves. One of the thieves was carrying a .38 that they were sure ballistics would prove was the murder weapon.
By six o'clock they were ready to call it a day. Jim could see how exhausted the young man was and he wanted to do something special for him.
"You know, Chief, I've been thinking," Jim began.
"Look out man that can be dangerous," Blair joked.
"Okay, never mind."
"I'm sorry Jim, what is it."
"I thought maybe if you didn't have plans for tonight we might have dinner."
"Ah, Jim, we have dinner every night."
"Well I wasn't talking about Wonder Burgers or take-out from Chinese Charlie's, I thought that we could go out some place nice where we could just relax and talk, that is if you don't have any plans."
As soon as Jim had said it, he immediately regretted it. He couldn't believe that he had finally gotten up the nerve to ask Blair out. They had lived together and known each other for five years and Blair had never given Jim any indication that he was attracted to him. He knew that Blair dated both men and women but he had never shown the slightest interest in Jim. But to be perfectly honest, Jim thought. I haven't told him that I'm attracted to him either. What will I do if he says "Thanks, but no thanks," he wondered. I can't let myself get carried away here. I'm too old for him; an age that goes beyond years. It's an age born of experience, disappointments and heartaches. But just this once I want to know if we have a chance to put all that behind us and be together as a couple, even if it's just dinner and it never goes any farther. Just this once... Jim held his breath and waited for Blair to answer.
Blair was caught completely off guard. What does he want to talk about, Blair thought. Have I done something wrong? We've been going at each other's throats lately. I've just chalked it up to the holidays and this case but what if it's more than that. What if I have finally pushed him too far? What if he's decided enough is enough and he wants me to move out. But then what if it's something else. We've known each other for five years, could it be possible that he's actually asking me out on a date after all this time? I admire him so much, his courage, his integrity, his dedication to his work and the people he's sworn to protect, the fact that in spite of the face that he puts on for the world he lets his guard down with me. When he does he's warm, caring and sensitive. He's so beautiful, strong, vital and alive. I've spent the last five years dreaming of this night fantasizing about it, wondering what it would be like to have Jim take me to his bed and make love to me, and he's finally asking me out. Or does he mean it that way? Am I reading too much into this? No, I can't let myself get carried away.
"I don't have any plans Jim, I think dinner sounds great."
~*~
They stopped off at the loft and quickly showered and changed into suits and ties.
"You really weren't talking about Wonder Burgers," Blair said when Jim suggested a suit.
"No Chief this is a really nice restaurant I thought we should look appropriate for the occasion."
"What is the occasion, Blair asked.
"We're going out," Jim threw over his shoulder as he went upstairs to change.
They drove to the restaurant in silence each absorbed in their own thoughts.
Tonight has to go well, Jim thought. I can't do anything to ruin this. I don't know what I would do without Blair. It's not just the Sentinel Guide connection, its Blair. There's such an eagerness about him, a zest for life. He's such a warm, caring, intelligent person. He looks so beautiful tonight; I love it when he leaves his hair loose like that. Hell he's beautiful inside and out. I love being around him. I love him. At least I can finally admit it, even if I never get up the nerve to tell him.
I wonder what he wants to talk about, Blair thought. It must be something really good or really bad for him to go to this much trouble. Maybe he has finally gotten tired of me being underfoot all the time. We've been working together full time lately as well as living together I'm probably really getting on his nerves. Or, what if he really is taking me on a date? I don't even know if he feels that way about me. But I sure feel that way about him. I love him; I'd give my life for him. I just can't get up the nerve to tell him.
All Jim had to do was give the name Ellison to secure a last minute reservation. He hadn't been to "Papillion's" in years. It was quiet and elegant; the kind of place a man would bring someone very special. He hadn't been Papillion's since he brought Carolyn here shortly after they were married. Jim hadn't been back since, it seemed just one more place to taunt him and remind him of his failed marriage. But, he was sure that Blair had never been there and he wanted tonight to be special. Who knows, he thought. I might get up the nerve to tell him how I feel.
The maitre d' escorted them to a window table.
"Well I didn't realize I was dining with such a celebrity that we rated the best seat in the house."
"Neither did I," Jim whispered smiling.
As the dined on grilled swordfish, salads and chardonnay they talked about what it was like for Jim to grow up in one spot and what it was like for Blair to travel all over the world. They talked about how they both loved the outdoors; they both loved camping, hiking and fishing. They talked about movies, music and books. They talked about things they had talked about a thousand times before. But, somehow this was different; it was like they were getting to know each other for the first time. They lingered over coffee, neither one wanting the evening to end. Finally, Jim got up the nerve to speak.
"Blair, I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you here tonight. There's something I've wanted to say to you. I just couldn't get up the nerve, I wasn't sure what your reaction would be."
Oh no, Blair thought. He's using my name. This can't be good. "Jim, whatever it is you want to say…" Blair began.
"Please just let me finish before I lose my nerve. We've been friends for a long time now and you'll never know how much your friendship means to me. But Chief I can't go on like this without saying something. Our living together the way we are just can't continue, it's just too hard."
Blair was stunned, He's kicking me out, he thought.
"Look Jim, I understand really. I've kind of been expecting it so this isn't a problem. If you'll give me until next payday I'll find a place. I'll move out the next day I swear."
"No Chief..."
"Okay Jim, that's cool I understand. I'll move out this weekend. I have some friends I can probably stay with until I find a place."
"No Blair, you don't understand at all. I don't want you to move out."
"You don't? Then what are you saying?"
"This is the fifth anniversary of the day we met. I got you this to commemorate the occasion." With that he pulled a small velvet covered jewelers box out of his pocket.
"Jim, I don't know what to say. Man, I'm so sorry I didn't even remember."
"Just open it Chief."
Blair opened the box to find a small gold pendant with a lighthouse stamped on it. When he turned the pendant over it was engraved:
"To Blair, my guiding light in the darkness."
"Jim, this is so beautiful," Blair said lifting it from the box.
Jim got up and came to stand behind him. He took the pendant from Blair and fastened it around his neck.
"That's the way I think of you Chief, my guiding light. I want more not less. I want you to move up not out."
"Up?"
"To my room, Chief. I'm in love with you. I have been for some time, but I was afraid to say anything. I was afraid we would lose what we already have. I hadn't intended to blurt it out like that. But if you…"
"Yes," Blair interrupted.
"...are interested I'd like us to get to know each other as a couple. If we do this I want it to be serious. Just you and me forever."
"Yes," Blair whispered. "This isn't some new idea for me, either."
With that Jim leaned over and kissed him tenderly and whispered, "I love you Chief, with all my heart."
"I love you too," Blair replied.
They were aware of the stunned looks and sidelong glances that they received from the patrons that recognized them.
"What do you suppose they're thinking about?"
"I think they're thinking how damn lucky I am to be here with you."
Jim just smiled at the whispered comments he heard as they left the restaurant.
When Blair asked him what they were talking about he just smiled and said.
"They're just talking about what nice weather we've been having for this time of year."
~*~
When they reached the door of the loft Jim realized that he was nervous, this is ridiculous. I'm like a teenager on his first date. We live together. This is Blair. Yes, after all this time this is Blair!
When they got inside, Jim locked up, went to the stereo selected a CD then turned to Blair and held out his hand,
"May I have this dance?"
"I'd love to," Blair replied walking into Jim's arms.
Jim pulled him close and they began swaying to the music.
My love
There's only you in my life
The only thing that's right
My first love
You're every breath I take
You're every step I make
And I
I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do
And your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Oh, yes
You'll always be
My endless love
Two hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun
And forever
I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms
And I
I'd play the fool
For you, I'm sure
You know I don't mind
(No, you know I don't mind)
And yes
You mean the world to me
I know I've found in you
My endless love
And love
I'd play the fool
For you, I'm sure
You know I don't mind
(Whoa, you know I don't mind)
Oh, yes
You'd be the only one
'Cause no, I can't deny
This love I have inside
And I'll give it all to you
My love (my love, my love)
"Chief that's the way I feel, you're my endless love. I want you to come upstairs tonight. I want to hold you in my arms; I want this to be the start of our lives together. I want you beside me from now on."
"I want that too Jim, I love you with all my heart. This all seems like a dream."
"Our being together is not a dream Chief," Jim said as he kissed him again. "It's a beautiful reality."
"Jim I just wanted you to know, I've been tested and as of a month ago I'm clean, and I haven't been with anyone in several months."
"So am I sweetheart, as of my last physical and you know I haven't been dating lately."
"So Jim, can it just be you and me tonight, nothing in between?"
"I'd like that, sweetheart."
They walked upstairs hand in hand as they reached the bed. Blair slowly began to unbutton Jim's shirt. He kissed his way down Jim's chest and paused to kiss and suckle a nipple to hardness. He licked, nipped and kissed his way to its mate and worked at it until it too was hard.
Jim groaned and captured Blair's mouth in a prolonged kiss. Then he began to work on the buttons of Blair's shirt. He stroked Blair's chest and stomach. His hands found Blair's nipples and rolled them gently in his fingers until he could feel Blair squirming with delight. He moved from Blair's lips down his jaw to his throat as he pulled Blair closer to him.
Jim lowered Blair to the bed without breaking the kiss. Then he rolled over on his back pulling Blair on top of him while Blair tried frantically to undress him.
"I want to touch you, feel you, all of you," he said as he removed the last of Jim's clothes and threw them to the floor before he resumed devouring Jim's mouth.
"Blair, sweetheart, I love you, I want you," Jim said breathlessly as he pushed Blair's shirt off his shoulders, unzipped his pants and slid them down. He slid his hands inside Blair's boxers and cupped the rounded cheeks of Blair's buttocks in his hands. He could feel Blair's arousal and the smell of Blair's pheromones were driving Jim wild with desire. Blair kicked off his pants and boxers in one movement then pressed his cock against Jim's.
Blair started thrusting against Jim as Jim, loving the intensity and friction, pulled Blair tightly against him and counterthrusted whispering a mantra of "I love you." Neither lasted long. Jim came first, whispering Blair's name, and Blair quickly followed. Jim rolled them over on their sides and gave Blair a slow, deep kiss.
"That was so incredible," Blair said breathlessly.
"And that was just the beginning," Jim said smiling. "I love you Chief."
"I love you Jim."
As Jim started to leave for work the next morning he noticed Blair sitting at the table as though he were still half asleep his coffee still sat untouched. "I want you to do something for me sweetheart," he said as he pulled Blair into his arms and kissed him passionately. "I want you to stay home from the U today and rest. You have been burning the candle at both ends and it's starting to catch up with you. Now that finals are over and the grades have been posted there can't be that much to do." "Jim I'm okay. I promised I would help with the unpacking of that
shipment of artifacts today and I really need to go in."
"Okay Chief but promise me you'll take it easy."
"I promise. Stop worrying, I'll be fine. Now go on or you'll be late."
"I love you Chief."
"Love you too"
~*~
Instead of stopping for lunch Jim decided to pay his parents a visit. He wasn't looking forward to the reaction he was afraid his parents would have, especially his father. But Jim felt that the truth of his and Blair's relationship should come from him. He owed them that much.
"What's wrong that you're here on a week day," William Ellison asked as he stood in the doorway.
"Nothing's wrong, Dad. I just want to talk to you."
"What about?" he replied curtly.
"Do you want me to tell you right here on the front porch, in front of God and everybody, or may I come in?"
"Don't be ridiculous," his father replied as he stepped back to allow Jim to enter.
They joined Grace in the library in front of the fire. His mother asked pleasantly how Blair was doing while she worked on a needlepoint pillow. His father sat silently and smoked a pipe as he
stared into the flames.
"I came because I wanted to talk to you. I want to tell you about Blair and me," Jim began.
"Joseph Tanner and his wife couldn't wait to tell your Mother and me," Mr. Ellison stated. "They are members of my club," he continued. "She fairly pounced on us Sunday right after Mass."
"Tell you what," Jim asked.
"About you going to Papillion's of all places with that Sandburg person. She also couldn't wait to tell me what you did."
"Tell me Dad, what did I do that she felt it was her sworn duty to tell you."
"She said that you and Sandburg were having what appeared to be a very intimate dinner and that she saw you two kissing. Is that true?"
"Yes it is but I really don't see that it is any of her business."
"Don't you understand how that looks, you out with another man kissing him in public. James what were you thinking? This family has a reputation in the community. Did you ever stop to think what this would do to your Mother?"
"Mom seems fine, you're the one in here having a coronary."
"James it's bad enough you have to work with someone like him. But that is your job and you certainly can't help who your fellow employees are, but you live with this man and apparently you aren't just roommates. If you had gone to work in the family business and not joined the police force none of this would ever have happened."
"Dad we have had that discussion more times than I care to count. But as far as my relationship with Blair is concerned that is between the two of us and is none of anyone else's business."
"But you don't have to flaunt it in front of everyone, all of our friends, the people you grew up with, in our class James that just isn't done. Someone like that just doesn't belong."
"Are you angry because I went out with another man or because I went out with Blair?"
"Both. I want such behavior to desist immediately. Now as far as I'm concerned this subject is closed."
"William," Grace said warningly. "Why don't you be quiet and listen to what Jim has to say.
His father shifted uncomfortably but maintained his silence.
"Dad, Blair is a very important part of my life and always will be. I love him very much and I'm sorry if that upsets you it was not my intention. I didn't want you to hear from the town gossips that your son and his male partner are lovers. This is not something either of us planned but it's happened and I couldn't be happier. This is not the kind of relationship I pictured myself involved in and I know it isn't the type of relationship that you want for me. But I'd like you to know that I'm happy. I'm happier than I've ever been. I love him, very much and I know that he loves me, he has proven that countless times. I really see this as a life-long relationship. I can't imagine the two of us ever separating. As a matter of fact, if I could legally marry Blair I would.
"Marry! James, are you out of your mind?" William Ellison shouted.
"No, Dad, I'm not," Jim replied calmly. "Blair and I love each other, we're happy together. We have a great deal in common, we trust each other, we need each other and we're committed to each other in a way that Carolyn and I never were. Tell me what more does anyone need to make a marriage work."
"Two people of the opposite sex for one thing," Mr. Ellison replied. "Can we not talk any sense into you? People like that have no morals. They would just as soon take you for every cent you have and walk away as not."
"People like what Dad? Decent, hardworking dedicated people. Honest, courageous, brave, warm, caring, loving and kind people? Those people Dad?
"You tell him, Grace. Apparently he isn't going to listen to me."
"Tell him what, dear?" Grace said sweetly. "That you're being a total asshole? I think he can see that for himself."
"Grace!"
"Well, it happens to be the truth. Blair is actually, in my opinion, the best thing that has ever happened to Jim and I think our son is damn lucky to have him. And we're just as lucky to have the privilege to know him. It is also my opinion that if Jim wants to be with Blair that is his business and you don't have any right whatsoever to interfere."
"Any right," William Ellison shouted. "After all the years that I spent carving out a place for us in this town, making the name Ellison stand for something in the right circles. What right does he have to come along and destroy it?"
"It seems to me," Grace said quietly, "if your son finally finding the love and happiness he so richly deserves ruins your reputation, then maybe you spent all those years circulating in all the wrong circles."
"Mom, I love you," Jim said pulling her into a tight hug.
~*~
"Ellison," Jim said into his cell phone as he steered through traffic. He had been to Star of David Hospital. He had gone to the private hospital where Mrs. Steinberg was recuperating to check on her and let her know that they had caught the thieves that killed her husband.
"Jim, where are you?"
"I've just come from seeing Mrs. Steinberg since it's after six I was on my way home.
"Jim, it's Sandburg. Something's happened. He's in County General."
Jim didn't wait for an explanation; he hung up the cell phone and turned on his lights and siren as he raced across town.
~*~
At a nurse's direction he found the fifth floor waiting room. Simon was there waiting for him.
"Simon what happened?"
"From what we have been able to find out. Sandburg was starting down the steps at Hargrove Hall and apparently he got dizzy and passed out. He fell and hit his head on one of the steps. He was unconscious when he was brought in. The doctor is with him now."
"Jim, this is Dr. Parker," Simon said as the doctor approached them. "Dr. Parker this is James Ellison, Mr. Sandburg's room mate and the only family he has in Cascade."
"How is he, Dr. Parker?"
"Mr. Sandburg is still unconscious and I'm very concerned about that. He apparently, from what we have been able to determine passed out and fell. He suffered a severe blow to the back of the head and until he regains consciousness we won't really know anything.
"Do you have any idea of what might have caused him to pass out," Jim asked worriedly.
"We can find no indication of anything serious. We have the reports from his last check up and everything seems normal. Has anything unusual happened lately? Has he been under any kind of stress?"
"He has been working the equivalent of two jobs," Jim answered. He is a student and Teaching Assistant at Rainer and he has been working as a consultant at the police department."
"Well in that case, given his clean bill of health as of a month ago, I would say it was a simple matter of exhaustion."
"He is going to be alright," Jim asked.
"So far, I have no indication of internal bleeding but there is a great deal of swelling in the area around the injury, which is natural under the circumstances. But, there is also a significant amount of brain activity and that is certainly encouraging. We're keeping him monitored but right now the only thing we can do is wait."
"Can I see him?" Jim asked.
"Of course. But he probably won't even know that you're there."
"I'll know," Jim said simply.
"I understand. If you gentlemen will excuse me, I'll finish making my rounds."
~*~
Jim quietly entered Blair's room. He was lying so still that Jim extended his hearing to make sure his heart was beating and that he was still breathing. He didn't even glance at the monitors as he sat on the side of the bed. His own heightened senses were tracing every rise and fall of his chest, every breath and every beat of his heart.
The only thing he couldn't effectively monitor was his brain activity. But Dr. Parker assured Jim that the amount of brain activity was encouraging. Now if Blair would only wake up.
"Come on, Chief, you've slept long enough here," Jim said as he stroked Blair's cheek with one hand and held his hand with the other. "Come on, sweetheart, wake up for me. I need you. I'll always need you. I love you so much.
It's almost Christmas, our first Christmas as a couple. We have to make this really special, you know. I was thinking that maybe we could go away for a few days, as soon as we can get some time off, just the two of us. Find a nice romantic spot. We can go anywhere you like. Just wake up, okay? I need you back with me, Chief." Jim looked down at the hand he was holding, and kissed the top of it.
Jim was so absorbed in Blair that he didn't notice Simon as he opened the door and stood listening.
"Why did you have to go in today? Why didn't you just stay home and rest like I asked you to do? You were exhausted, not that you would ever complain. I should have seen how hard you were working and how tired you were. But you wouldn't have listened would you Chief? Everything you do you go all the way. That is one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. You are so good, kind, loving, giving and stubborn. You know Chief. I wouldn't change anything about you, except maybe your stubborn streak, but maybe not that either. If you didn't have that stubborn streak in you then you wouldn't have stuck with me so long." Jim's voice caught and he couldn't continue for a minute as he began carding Blair's hair on the pillow.
"This case has been hard on both of us," he continued. "We just need to take a break from it and just as soon as you feel up to it we're going to take a trip. Anywhere you want to go, sweetheart. Just wake up." Jim pulled the limp hand up to rest his cheek against it then leaned forward until his cheek rested against Blair's. He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent, the essence that was Blair.
"I love you, Chief. Don't you dare leave me now, I've only just found you; really found you. I can't lose you now. You have to be okay, because if you aren't, I can't go on either."
There was a little change in Blair's heartbeat. It was subtle, barely noticeable. But Jim heard it; he shot up and stared at his lover. Blair's hand moved and he wiggled his fingers. Jim kissed the back of Blair's hand and spoke softly.
"Blair? Come on, Chief. I felt you move your hand. I know you can hear me." Jim watched Blair's face intently.
The dark lashes fluttered against the pale cheeks, and in a moment they opened and gazed up at Jim.
"Blair, welcome back, sweetheart." Jim said as he bent down and softly kissed Blair's lips.
"Jim," Blair responded, glancing around, then looking back into Jim's eyes. "Hospital?" he asked.
"Do you remember what happened, Chief?"
I didn't feel well so I started to go home. Just as I got to the top of the steps I got really dizzy, that's all I remember," Blair said as he squeezed Jim's hand. "I just want to go home,"
"Just as soon as the doctor says its okay. You fell and hit your head Chief. You've been unconscious for a while."
"I love you, Jim," Blair said softly.
Jim leaned forward and let his lips rest lightly against Blair's, giving him the softest of kisses.
"I love you too, sweetheart."
"Excuse me, " Simon said from the doorway. "Jim, may I see you for a moment?"
Jim buzzed the nurse to let her know that Blair was awake. In a moment both the nurse and Dr. Parker stepped into the room. As Jim and Simon stepped out into the corridor while the doctor examined Blair, Simon asked Jim if they could step outside where he could smoke.
~*~
"Jim, I had no intention of eavesdropping a moment ago," Simon said as they sat on a bench outside the hospital entrance. "But I did hear what you said to Blair. I have to admit that I was pretty surprised. I had heard some rumors, but a Police Department is like a small town. Some people there don't seem to have much to do but talk about their colleagues and what they don't know they'll make up. So I didn't pay much attention. But Jim, I have to ask you, have you ever stopped to consider what this type of relationship could mean to your career, how it would effect you in your job?
"No Simon, quite frankly, I didn't. The only thing I thought about was the fact that I love Blair and I want to be with him. I realize how prejudice society can be. Hell, I've even experienced it in my own family. But, Blair and I have always conducted ourselves in a professional manner when we were on the job and we happen to consider what we do in our own home is none of anyone's business. If my relationship with Blair ever does affect my performance on the job, and quite honestly I don't see that happening, I will resign from the department. If the bigots make it so hard on us that we can't live here then I will move. I will do anything I have to do but give up Blair, Simon. That is not an option."
"Jim, you may not believe this but I'm on your side. If you and Blair need a friend I'm here, and professionally I will back you 100%. I just want you to know it isn't going to be easy in an atmosphere like the PD. This may be the year 2000 but some people are still leaving in the year 1900. There is still a lot of bigotry and you can take that from the department's black police captain."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jump you like that. My nerves have been on edge with this case and then getting that call from you… I guess I just snapped."
"I guess that's understandable," Simon said as he got up.
"Why don't you and Sandburg take some of your vacation time? Don't come back to work until after the Holidays. You both need the rest. Come on let's go back up and check on Sandburg then I better get back to the department.
They arrived at Blair's door just as the doctor was stepping out.
"How is he, Dr. Greer?" Jim asked.
"I'm very please to report that there doesn't seem to be any damage. I do want to keep him in the hospital overnight, but he should be able to go home tomorrow."
"I'd like to see him for a few minutes."
"Okay, but I want him to get some rest."
"Jim, I'm going back to work. I'll call you tomorrow," Simon said and started walking toward the elevator.
"Thanks, Simon, for everything."
"Hi, sweetheart," Jim said as he entered the room.
"The doctor said that I could go home tomorrow."
"Yes, I saw him just before I came in," Jim said as he sat on the bed and bent down to softly kiss Blair. "He's only going to let me see you a few minutes, he wants you to get some rest."
"Jim, I'm sorry," Blair began.
"Chief, there's nothing for you to be sorry for," Jim said as he kissed Blair's forehead and smoothed the hair out of his eyes. "Close your eyes and go to sleep, you need to get your rest so I can take you home tomorrow."
~*~
When Jim got back to the loft he found that he couldn't sleep, so to keep busy he decided to clean the apartment and put up some Christmas decorations to surprise Blair when he brought him home.
~*~
Before Jim left, he looked around to make sure he hadn't forgotten any details. There was a small Christmas tree with brightly colored lights standing in front of the balcony doors and Blair's Menorah had been polished until it gleamed and now sat on a table by the window. Jim knew that Hanukkah had started a few days ago but they hadn't had time to decorate for the holidays and he couldn't put up the tree without also sitting out the Menorah. Jim wanted Blair to feel, this year more than ever, that this was his home and his Jewish heritage would be observed and respected. Once he was satisfied that everything was in order he went to pick up Blair.
~*~
By the time all the tests were completed, the necessary forms were signed and Blair received last minute instructions from the doctor it was early evening before he and Jim left the hospital.
"How're you feeling, Chief?"
"I'm okay. Just a little tired," Blair said as he looked at the Christmas decorations on the lawns of people's homes as he rode home.
"We're almost home," Jim responded, turning onto Prospect and heading toward their building. "What do you think you would like for dinner tonight? I could make some soup and sandwiches or we could order out."
"Either would be fine," Blair responded. He couldn't seem to shake the depression that he felt since Jim had given him the letter from Naomi saying she wouldn't be spending the holidays with him. She was on her way to India with her guru.
"Chief, everything is going to be fine I know you miss your Mom but she will come for a visit soon. Come on let's go upstairs. I have a surprise for you."
The loft was beautiful. Jim had cleaned it until everything sparkled. The Christmas tree in the corner was lit and the blinking of the small multi-colored lights seemed so festive. Even the Menorah was in the window ready to be lit.
"Jim everything is wonderful," Blair said taking everything in.
"Welcome home, sweetheart," Jim said pulling him into a tight embrace.
"It feels like home. I know I never told you that, but it does. Mom and I traveled all over the world, never settling down in one place; please don't misunderstand it was wonderful, but I used to dream of what it would be like to settle down in one place with the person I love, and, I have to tell you this surpasses my most beautiful dream. To me this is the most perfect Christmas I have ever had. "
Jim stroked Blair's face wiping away the tear that glistened on his lashes.
"I want you to know this will always be your home and I will always love you."
"I'm sorry, here I am blubbering like an idiot."
"Don't worry about it. You can blubber on me anytime," Jim said smiling. "Now go and lie down on the couch and I'll make us some lunch."
~*~
Grace Ellison wasn't looking forward to the talk she was about to have with her husband, but it was Christmas Eve and she wanted her family together tomorrow. That included both Jim and Blair. She knew her husband was stubborn and full of pride but she could be just as stubborn and she had no intentions of letting him tear her family apart. She had almost lost Jim in the jungles of Peru and she would be damned if she was going to lose him again, at least not like this.
"I absolutely refuse to have that man in my house," William Ellison declared. "Not on Christmas day or any other. The very idea, we would never be able to hold our head up in polite society again."
"How very Christian of you, dear."
"How dare you say such a thing to me? I'm a God-fearing man. I go to Mass every Sunday, take Communion, pay my tithes, and follow the Golden Rule. What more do you want?"
"Well, let's see how about, `Judge not or you will be judged,' and `Love thy neighbor as thyself' and I don't know what your Golden Rule is but the last I heard the real Golden Rule says, `Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' William, Christmas is a time for family and I consider Blair part of the family now and I think you should too. I'm afraid that if you don't accept Blair you won't have Jim in your house either. Wasn't almost losing him in Peru enough? Are you determined now to force him away? Blair is not diseased nor is he some type of monster. He happens to be a very nice young man. I really can't believe that you are putting your reputation with some old cronies at the country club ahead of your son. To be honest with you, William, I have never been so hurt and disappointed in you in our entire marriage. I thought you loved your son, but apparently I was mistaken."
"I think you should back off a little you're starting to say things you're going to regret later."
"I don't regret a single thing I've said to you, not now or a hundred years from now. The only thing I regret is that it took me this long to get up the nerve to say it."
"Grace, that is enough. The subject is closed," he said as he got up and started to leave.
"The hell it is! William Ellison, if you walk out that door you can just keep walking."
He slowly turned and looked at her in astonishment.
"Grace, I can't believe you're saying these things to me."
"It's long overdue. I want my family together for Christmas tomorrow. I want you to go in there, call Jim, apologize for your behavior and invite both him and Blair. When they get here you will be nice to both of them. You will not say or do anything that will cause them to feel uncomfortable. Because I swear, William, if you do I will leave you. I will not have my son driven away from my home because of his father's prejudice. Do you hear me, William? Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"
William Ellison nodded his head slowly.
"That's not good enough, I want to hear you say it. I want your promise that you will do everything in your power to make them both feel welcome."
"I promise," he said softly.
"See that you keep it," she said as she turned and left.
William Ellison stared after her in astonishment.
"William, are you coming? I believe you have a phone call to make."
~*~
Just as Jim was putting soup and sandwiches on the table the phone rang.
"Ellison."
"James, it's your father."
"What can I do for you, Dad," Jim said stiffly.
"I was calling about Christmas tomorrow. I wanted to make sure that Blair was feeling up to coming. It just wouldn't be the same without the entire family being together."
"Who is this?" Jim asked.
"Jim, I know that I have been behaving badly about your relationship with Blair and I would like to apologize for that and ask if you can forgive me. Your mother and I really do want the entire family together for the holiday tomorrow."
"What did Mom say to you to get you to do this?"
"She and I did discuss it but I want you to know the invitation is sincere."
I just bet they discussed it, Jim thought to himself. I just wonder what Mom blackmailed him with.
"James, are you still there?"
"Yes Dad, I'm still here. If Blair is feeling up to it we'll come. But Dad if there are any problems, if you say or do anything to hurt Blair, I promise you we will leave and I will never come back. Is that understood?"
"Yes, James, I promise you nothing will happen."
"Blair is supposed to get plenty of rest so I'll have to let you know something tomorrow."
"I understand. We'll be waiting for your call."
"What?" Grace asked as William hung up the phone.
"He said that Blair was supposed to get plenty of rest but if he felt up to it they would come. He said he would call tomorrow. I don't know what more I can do."
~*~
"What?" Blair asked when Jim hung up the phone.
"I don't think you would believe me if I told you. Dad called to apologize for his behavior and invite us to have Christmas dinner with them tomorrow. But we don't have to go."
"Don't be ridiculous, of course we're going. It can't have been easy for him to make that call. I think we should meet him half way. Besides it is Christmas, a time for families to get together."
"Okay, Chief, but if anything happens we're leaving. If he can't accept you or accept our being together then that is his choice. We certainly don't have to sit there and listen to him. Agreed?"
"Agreed."
"Come on, dinner is ready," Jim said as he took Blair's hand and pulled him up from the couch. "Then I want you to go upstairs and get to bed."
"So you're going to wine and dine me then take me upstairs and have your wicked way with me."
"Any objections?"
"Objections? Hell no, let's just skip dinner."
"Sit down and eat," Jim said giving Blair a playful swat on the butt.
"Ouch! Hey, man, having your wicked way with me is one thing but I don't do kinky."
"Eat!"
After dinner Jim helped Blair upstairs. He waited for Blair to get in bed and slid in beside him and covered them. After a long deep kiss they fell asleep in each other's arms.
~*~
Christmas day began with Jim serving Blair breakfast in bed where they spent more time kissing and cuddling than eating. They finally moved downstairs to open their gifts.
"I couldn't really think of something special to get you," Jim said as he handed Blair a brightly colored package with a large red bow. "I wanted something that would really show how I feel. If you don't like it or… "
"Jim, will you just let me open the package?" Blair said laughing.
Blair opened the package and found a gold watch. "Jim, it's beautiful," Blair exclaimed as he took it out of the box.
"It's engraved."
"Do I see a pattern here," Blair asked as he turned the watch over. The back of the watch read simply `To Blair: My Love for all Time.'
"Jim, it's beautiful," Blair repeated pulling Jim into a fierce hug.
"Okay, no more excuses for being late," Jim teased.
Blair reached and got a package for Jim.
"Is this for me?" Jim asked as Blair handed it to him.
"No, it was really for the mail man but you put me on a spot," Blair teased.
Jim opened the package and found a pair of dark blue silk pajamas.
"Blair, they're beautiful, but you shouldn't have. These were much too expensive."
"I thought that they would keep you warm without driving your senses crazy."
"I love you, sweetheart."
"I love you, my love," Blair said as he pulled Jim closer and kissed him.
"I want you Blair, I want you to make love to me."
Blair rose, took Jim's hand and helped him to his feet; they went upstairs arm in arm.
They slowly undressed each other in silence then moved together for another long deep kiss, tongues exploring each other's mouths as they sank to the bed. Blair being the more experienced of the two soon took the lead, moving down Jim's body kissing and licking. He left a hot, moist trail down the firm chest, stopping to tease the pert nipples he found so responsive. Jim's hands came up and tangled in Blair's hair, holding his head in place as Jim thrilled in the sensations Blair was giving him.
Blair looked up and smiled seductively as he trailed the tip of his tongue down the center of Jim's chest to his navel, dipping in and swirling around it. He then fastening his teeth on the tender skin just beneath it, and left a large passion mark. He was rewarded with a moan and an undulation of the big body at his mercy.
"You're going to kill me like that, Chief," Jim gasped breathlessly, his legs spreading wider on either side of his tormentor. Jim's erection was poking Blair in the chin.
"Do you want me to stop?"
"Anything you want…want to do is fine…just don't… stop," Jim panted.
"Then you're going to die happy," Blair replied.
With that statement Jim's cock seemed to grow harder.
"I only want you," Blair replied in a husky tone, "You're all I ever want; all I'll ever need," he said slipping further down the bed, nuzzling the wiry hair at the base of Jim's impressive cock with his nose and mouth. He nibbled and licked at the tender skin of Jim's inner thighs, noting Jim's white knuckles as he clutched at the sheets on either side of them.
Feeling Jim was ready for him to go further Blair slid his hands under Jim's thighs and encouraged him draw his knees up, completely exposing himself. Jim groaned and thrust upward at the suggestion, finally following the directive. Blair had never rimmed a lover in his life. He'd never really had the desire to do so, but seeing Jim in such a vulnerable position, filled him with love and desire. He leaned forward and tentatively touched his tongue to the little pucker there.
"Oh my God," Jim panted.
"Love you," Blair whispered against the flesh of Jim's perineum, having no doubt the sensitive ears would pick up the whisper. He licked at Jim's center a few times, and then carefully probed it with the tip of his tongue.
"Blair…want you… want you now," Jim managed to say between moans.
"Turn over, my love," Blair said softly, moving out of the way. As Jim complied, he crawled up the bed and grabbed a couple of pillows, which he positioned beneath Jim to raise his hips off the bed.
"You're so incredible, so beautiful, my love, do you know that," Blair whispered in Jim's ear. Letting a hand gently rub over the expanse of muscled back, he added, "I love you so much, darling. I always will."
"I love you sweetheart," Jim said, spreading his legs in invitation. Blair bit his lip and took a deep breath. The sight of Jim in this position, waiting for him, was enough by itself to drive Blair over the edge to his own completion. Calling on all his powers of self-control, Blair worked to calm himself. He was about to enter Jim, an act that had the potential to leave his lover sore at best and injured at worst, without adequate preparation.
Blair found the lube that Jim kept in the nightstand and returned to his position between Jim's spread legs.
"I can't believe how someone as beautiful, as incredible, as you are, could love me," Blair said softly, holding the tube in his hands to warm it. "I'm so glad you do." With that he didn't keep his lover waiting any longer. He coated his finger with the gel and ran it lightly along the valley between Jim's cheeks. He was rewarded with a groan as Jim tried to open himself further, grinding his erection against the pillows supporting him.
"Just relax, my love. We're going to take this slow. It's just my finger for now."
Taking a deep breath, Blair added more of the lube and carefully probed the tight pucker with the tip of his finger. He was shocked when Jim thrust back against the invader, driving Blair's finger in to the second knuckle.
"Move it, " Jim ordered in a strained voice.
Motivated and encouraged by his partner's obvious enthusiasm, Blair began probing and stretching the tight passage with his finger, wondering if Jim would make it through the preparations without reaching his climax.
"Just do it, Chief."
"Jim, I can't do that. Thank God, my cock is a hell of a lot bigger than my finger. I don't want to hurt you. Not for anything."
Blair stroked Jim's back and planted a kiss on one of the firm globes.
"I'm going to try another finger. If it gets uncomfortable, you let me know."
When Blair returned with two fingers, he found his lover just as receptive as he'd been to one. It became more and more difficult not to "just do it" as Jim had demanded as Blair watched the perfect body on the bed writhing with passion, the tension of unanswered sexual need bringing out the impressive musculature in vivid relief, the hips rocking in shameless pleasure in time with the movements of Blair's fingers. Blair wasn't sure what seemed more surreal at that moment--that he was finally making love to Jim or that Jim was not only willing to let him top, but seemed to be enjoying it that way.
He withdrew the two fingers and before Jim had time to grunt in frustration, returned with three, stretching the little opening as much as he felt he dared. Jim was a bit quieter and less frantic at the moment, seeming to need time to adjust to this new level of intrusion into his body.
"Relax, my love. I'm not going to rush things. You take your time and get used to the feeling. Just relax, we have all night" Blair soothed, stroking Jim's lower back slowly. There was an almost unnatural stillness about the other man, and suddenly Blair realized what was wrong. Oh damn, Blair thought. He zoned.
"Jim." Blair stilled the moving fingers, not wanting to shock the other man by yanking them out completely when he was so focused on them, but also needing to reduce the stimulus that had fully captured the sentinel's attention. "Jim, follow my voice. Come on, man, focus on me. Come on, Jim, snap out of it, my love," Blair said softly, still rubbing Jim's back.
"Blair?" Jim asked his voice a little bewildered. Neither Blair's fingers nor Jim's body were in motion at the moment. Everything had been suspended.
"You back with me, my love?" Blair asked gently, planting a kiss at the base of Jim's spine.
"Oh, yes," Jim responded. "I believe you were teaching me to reach new levels of patience, while I, on the other hand, wanted you to get your ass in gear, literally, and fuck me." he ground out, thrusting back against Blair's inert fingers.
"I take it your ready for me now?"
"Do it!"
Blair withdrew the fingers and coated his own straining shaft, then crawled up close to Jim, aligning himself with the opening that still looked too small to accommodate him. He pushed in just past the initial resistance, and froze at Jim's indrawn breath.
"Love you, my love. Relax. I won't move until you're ready," Blair forced out past the overwhelming passion he felt at being partially sheathed in the tight passage. He was determined they would not be fully joined until they progressed through several small steps together so that Jim could become used to the sensations before Blair went further. Blair finally found himself pressed against the firm buttocks, his cock squeezed in a vise of ecstasy. "Are you all right my love?" Blair asked in a voice that he hoped belied the agony he felt at the lack of motion.
"You were right," Jim panted. "It's bigger than your finger," he concluded in a strained voice.
"Just let yourself relax." Blair closed his eyes, while he stroked Jim's back soothingly. Thinking about how he'd feel if he hurt Jim was enough to calm him enough to wait as long as it took. "Remember that it's all about love, darling. I love you so much. Being inside of you is more incredible than there are words to tell you. We are a part of each other now, my love. But we always have been. We are Sentinel and Guide, soul mates and now so much more. " Blair could feel the steel bands relaxing slightly, and Jim experimentally moved his hips. As the larger man rose up, Blair slid a hand under him and found Jim's slightly faltering erection, pumping it firmly.
"It's okay sweetheart. I'm okay," Jim whispered. Blair began moving slowly back and then sliding back in again, keeping up a slow, steady pace until he felt Jim really moving with him, and heard the first grunts of pleasure.
I can't believe this is finally happening. Blair thought, his heart swelling with the knowledge of what this moment was, and that it was finally here. We're making love. We're part of each other. We finally belong to each other now… heart, body and soul. Nothing will ever come between us now.
Jim was thrusting up eagerly now to meet Blair's strokes and at the same time tried to thrust himself into the hand that stroked his rigid cock. The pace became firmer and faster, until Blair found Jim's prostate and began angling his thrusts to massage the little nub until Jim cried out Blair's name and the contractions of the passage surrounding Blair signaled his climax. With a few more long strokes, Blair whispered, "God Jim, I love you," as he filled his lover's body with his seed, milked by the last of Jim's spasms.
Exhausted, Blair laid still for a moment his head resting on Jim's back, his lips planted little kisses on the flesh underneath them.
"I love you, my love," he said quietly, knowing the words inadequate. But there would never be the right words, enough words, to tell Jim all he really felt.
"I love you too, sweetheart." Jim said quietly as he looked over his shoulder at Blair, smiling a little at the concerned blue eyes that were regarding him so gravely.
"Are you okay my love?"
"Oh yes," Jim replied, still smiling. "I'm more than okay."
"Did I hurt you?"
"No Chief. It was beautiful. Now get up here where I can get my hands on you."
Blair carefully withdrew his spent cock from Jim's body, relieved not to see any traces of blood there. He crawled up as Jim turned on his side so they were facing each other.
"That was...Jim, I can't find words. How am I ever going to tell you what it meant to me to make love to you that way?"
"I know what it meant to feel you do it. And there aren't words, sweetheart. So we have to just know we both understand it." Jim caressed Blair's cheek. "I thought we would never be together. I can't believe we're finally here."
"Me either," Blair said as he snuggled against Jim, their arms and legs tangling together. He felt the strong arms tighten around him just before they slipped into a peaceful sleep.
~*~
When Blair woke it was almost four. "Come on we better get ready," He said as he nuzzled Jim's neck. "We're supposed to be at your parents around five."
"Chief, we don't have to do this you know."
"Jim don't worry, everything will be fine. Besides if he starts giving me a hard time I'll just put Tabasco sauce in his martini."
~*~
When they arrived at the Ellison's, Blair noticed how inviting the house looked. With the Christmas decorations on the lawn, the wreath on the front door and the big Christmas tree in front of the picture window in the living room it looked like something off the cover of a Hallmark Christmas card. They climbed out of the truck and with presents for Jim's family in hand made their way up the walk.
Grace opened the front door and greeted them both with a hug and kiss.
"Come in out of the cold, darlings. Let me take your coats, I have a nice warm fire inside," she chattered away happily.
The inside of the house looked as welcoming as the outside. There were festive decorations everywhere. On closer inspection the tree was even more spectacular than it appeared to be from the outside. It was at least eight feet tall; it had what must have been a least two hundred lights and the ornaments looked like antiques.
"What a wonderful tree," Blair exclaimed.
"That's Mom's pride and joy I think it takes her weeks to get it up and decorated like she wants it."
Blair hadn't brought his glasses so he took a step closer to look at a miniature train. It had been so meticulously carved that the detail was perfect.
"Don't touch that young man," Mr. Ellison bellowed from behind them. "My grandfather carved that. It's well over a hundred years old."
"Dad," Jim said with a look of cold fury in his eyes.
Blair laid a gentle hand on his arm as he turned to speak to Mr. Ellison.
"I wouldn't dream of touching it, Mr. Ellison," he said quietly. "I was only admiring it. I've never seen a tree so beautiful."
"Yes, well I suppose being Jewish you wouldn't celebrate Christian holidays," Mr. Ellison said evenly.
"Mom and I observed both Christmas and Hanukkah, as do Jim and I. I've just never seen a tree this beautiful with so much history behind it."
William Ellison fully intended to despise Blair. He hadn't wanted him intruding into his family and his life. If Grace hadn't given him the ultimatum she did, he wouldn't be here. But looking at him he felt a small pang of sympathy. He knew that he had grown up without a father and he and his Mother had traveled, never settling in one spot for very long. He never had a home, a real sense of family. He pushed the thoughts away as he looked at him. Even wearing his best suit, with his dress shoes polished until they shown, there was no mistaking him for what he was; a Jew, an interloper, and worse of all, a queer. William Ellison just hoped that no one at the Club found out that he had been there for Christmas dinner. He prayed that none of his neighbors saw Jim and Blair arrive. He forced his face into a brittle smile as he said.
"Blair, I'm glad that you felt up to joining us today."
"It was very kind of you to invite me, Mr. Ellison."
"Blair, let's put these packages under the tree," Jim said. As they arranged the gifts they had brought Jim whispered to Blair, "We don't have to stay. You just say the word and we're out of here."
"It's going to be fine," Blair whispered reassuringly.
"Well enough of the small talk," Mr. Ellison said. "I know it's early but why don't we have a cocktail?"
"It's a little too early for me Dad thanks," Jim replied coolly.
"I know that Mrs. Ellison gives the housekeeper the day off," Blair said. "Why don't I go and see if I can help."
As he passed by Jim he whispered just loud enough for Sentinel ears "I'm sure she has Tabasco in the kitchen somewhere."
During the evening Mr. Ellison was beginning to grudgingly admit that he had judged Blair too harshly. He was warm, friendly, witty, and polite and he could carry on an intelligent conversation on almost any subject. Of course William Ellison had never really known anyone Jewish personally and relied on second and third hand accounts of them. But instead of being greedy and sly the way Mr. Ellison pictured them, Blair seemed to have a very open and giving spirit.
He most certainly had never known any homosexuals, but instead of being effeminate and what Mr. Ellison referred to in his mind as the `Camille type'. Blair seemed quite masculine and sure of
himself.
He would never admit it out loud, but he was actually beginning to see what Jim saw in him. He met your eyes when he spoke and his warm honest smile was enough to melt anyone's heart. He was amazed that the Christmas dinner wasn't the disaster he had expected, but actually enjoyable. One of the things that helped to break the ice with Mr. Ellison was the Christmas gift that Jim and Blair had brought him. He mentioned once in passing, as Blair was looking at the books in his study, that he had always wanted a leather bound, numbered edition of the collected works of William Shakespeare. When Jim wasn't sure what to get his father Blair had suggested the gift and helped Jim to locate the book.
"It is absolutely beautiful," William Ellison said as he stroked the spine reverently.
"Blair told me that you had always wanted a book like this," Jim said pleased that his father liked the gift. "He found it in antique shop in Seattle. We drove up there one weekend and got it for you. He thought you would like it."
"He's absolutely right, I'll treasure it."
Mr. Ellison was so touched that Blair had gone to so much trouble for him that he felt tears come to his eyes. "I really don't know what to say," he finally managed past the lump in his throat.
"A thank you might be nice, William," Grace prompted.
"Yes, of course, please excuse my lack of manners. Thank you, both of you, very much."
Joseph Tanner collects rare books also, Mr. Ellison thought. After the holidays I'll show it to him, I don't have to tell him where it came from. I'm sure in time I'll even be able to forget myself and
enjoy it for what it is.
Then at the very moment of his thought the most extraordinary thing occurred. He happened to catch Blair's glance and he knew somehow that Blair had read his mind. But rather than reproach he saw sadness and understanding. Then, somehow he heard Blair's thoughts in response and he felt him touch his very soul. He felt such pure goodness and love coming from the young man that it melted his heart and immediately he regretted all the unkind things that he had said about Blair. I know how you feel. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I understand. I love Jim and I will always love him. You're his father and he loves and respects you so much please don't hurt him any more. Please can't we be friends for his sake?
As soon as Blair's words passed through his mind he felt a pain of remorse. Of course, I'll tell him where it came from. I'll even brag a little that they went to so much trouble. Of course we can be friends, I just don't know how you can ever forgive me for the way I have treated you.
There is nothing to forgive; we'll just start fresh from here.
As Jim and Blair prepared to leave, Mrs. Ellison embraced them both and whispered in Jim's ear. "Now that wasn't too bad, was it?"
Jim just smiled in response.
When Jim extended his hand to shake hands with his father. William Ellison pulled him into a tight embrace and quietly said, "Merry Christmas, son. I love you."
Jim was shocked but returned the hug and replied, "Merry Christmas, Dad. I love you, too."
As shocked as Jim was with his father's spontaneous show of affection, he was amazed when his father pulled Blair into a hug and repeated the greeting, adding, and "Welcome to the family."
"Who is that?" Jim whispered to his mother as they went out the door.
~*~
On the drive home Jim was still stunned about his father's sudden change of attitude.
"You absolutely bewitched him," Jim said in awe.
"Did I?" Blair asked innocently.
"Don't sit there looking so innocent. You know you did. I don't know how you got through to him but you did."
"There's no real secret," Blair responded. "I think it was more of a case of seeing the enemy up close and personal and realizing it wasn't as bad as you were afraid it would be."
"`Merry Christmas, son, I love you and welcome to the family'. Make no mistake, Sandberg, you have worked a miracle."
~*~
Merry Christmas