Title: The Best Planned Lays....

Author: alibi

Rated: Pre-slash....PG 13, I think! Couple of bad words

and "suggestive" language!

Warnings: Nah.....

Spoilers: Not really...(weg)!

Not beta'd...I'd never have got the nerve to post this if I didn't do it right now!! Feedback begg...err, requested. Constructive crits welcome, but please be kind to the newbie......

by alibi
***

"Jim, I'm bi and I've got the hots for you."

*SMACK!* "Pack up and get out, Sandburg!!!"

'Oh, nonononono! That won't do! Foot-in-mouth disease, you idiot!'

Blair shuddered, and thought again. 'Subtlety....heh, I can do subtlety. Let's try again.....'

"Jim, have you ever been attracted to another guy?"

"What??!!??" *SMACK!!* "Pack up and...."

'Yeah, yeah, yeah....been that way already.'

Blair sighed and tried to settle into a more comfortable position in his office chair - his *reject* chair rescued from the storerooms deep in the Hargrove Hall basements. Hey, beggars can't be choosers and neither can permanently broke TAs...sorry, Teaching *Fellows*...at least his recently upgraded status afforded him an office of his own....well, apart from sharing with a few artifacts....

Blair jumped, realising his mind was wandering way off topic again. 'And I have got to find some way of dealing with this. Ha! Get real, Sandburg. Your straighter-than-a-straight-A-Grade Sentinel is so not going to welcome any amorous advances from his hippie-haired, barely-welcomed-as-roommate Guide.'

Blair sighed as he shifted again. A glance at the clock told him it was high time he packed up and made his way to the station to meet Jim. In fact, if he didn't get his ass in gear right now, he was going to be late. 'And that's all I'd need....piss Jim off before I've worked out how to approach him about our...err, *my* feelings.'

Another sigh, and the star-crossed would-be Sentinel lover started gathering papers and blue books to stuff into his backpack. A final quick look around the office, and he was on his way to the distant parking lot where he had finally managed to park his precious Corvair that morning.

'Please start..please start...please start.....' Blair's mantra filled his head even before he reached the object of his afflictions, which had been showing definite signs of needing a general overhaul lately. 'Just like my love life......*what* love life?' With that miserable thought, he unlocked the car and slid behind the wheel, flipping his heavy backpack onto the passenger seat before keying the ignition.

A welcoming purr as the motor caught first time jolted Blair from his dark musings and he quickly shifted into gear before starting on the relatively short drive to the precinct.

Too short....the Corvair was already pulling into the parking garage (thanks for the pass, Simon) before Blair had thought up any *safe* way to come on to the object of all his heart's desires......no pun intended..'Yeah, right....'.

Grabbing his backpack, Blair reluctantly made his way to the elevator, automatically nodding in response to the greetings he got from a couple of beat cops on the way. Pressing the button for the sixth floor...and tempted to press all the buttons below to slow the car down and put off the inevitable...Blair leaned despondently against the elevator wall and absently swung his backpack to and fro.

A sudden jolt jerked him back to reality as the elevator car shuddered, metal screeched and the car came to a bone-rattling stop. "What the....?? Shit!" Blair jabbed his finger at the floor buttons, to no avail. Car stayed stopped, door stayed closed....and the light flickered twice and went out, plunging him into darkness.

"Noooo! What the hell?? Let me out of here!!!" Accelerating from nought to full-blown panic faster than any car yet made, Blair started thumping all the now invisible control buttons with his fist.

"Help! Let me out!! Can anyone hear me out there?????"

Silence. Well, apart from the sounds of a fist punching hell out of a non-responsive control panel and heavy breathing of a type Blair had not been hoping for just moments before.....

A flicker...another, and the lights came on again, revealing a wild-eyed, mussed-haired, bruised-knuckled madman panting a "nonono, shitshitshit" mantra into the dark....well, light, now, actually....

Blair blinked as the light registered in his vacationing brain...if a trip to the panic zone can be called a vacation.

"Hello? Can anyone hear me?? Hey, I'm stuck here!! What's happening? Is anyone there?? Get me out of here!!!!"

"Easy, Chief. We'll have you out of there in a moment. Just try and keep calm, buddy."

"Jim??!!", Blair squeaked, as the disembodied voice of his Sentinel shocked him out of his initial panic and into wishing he'd packed spare underwear in his pack....

"Yeah, it's me, Chief. There was a power outage and it's taking a moment to get the elevator back on line. Just hold on there, buddy."

Blair stared at the voice panel next to the controls as if he expected his Blessed Protector and unrequited love object to appear like a genie from a bottle. Swallowing hard (no pun inten...yeah, you get the picture), he whispered as Sentinel-soft as he could manage into the panel: "Jim? Can anybody else hear us?"

A muffled snort leaked through the panel. "Yeah, Chief, we're all here waiting to get you out. Quite the welcoming party, in fact. You're a popular guy, buddy!"

A heartfelt groan was the only response. 'Oh God! The entire precinct probably heard me screaming for help like the heroine from a bad movie....oh Jeez! I might just as well crawl away now and die....please God!'

Blair moaned and slid slowly down the elevator wall to the floor, burying his scarlet-flushed face in his hands. Time passed as he huddled there and rocked, barely registering the muffled sounds coming through the grille of the voice panel above his head. Lost in his thoughts, the slight jolt the elevator gave as it started moving again went unnoticed, as did the car's halt at the sixth floor moments later. But as the door started to slide open, the despondent Guide was shocked into taking notice as he realised he had been huddling, not against the wall but......

"Shit, Chief! Are you ok?"

It was Jim's turn to panic as the elevator door opened and a dishevelled form fell out into a pathetic heap half in, half out of the car.

Swiftly pulling his Guide away from the re-closing door before it could do any more harm, Jim knelt on the floor and started lightly slapping Blair's face.

"What the??!! Ow! Stop that!!"

"Blair? You ok, buddy? Look at me, Chief, you're safe now...say something, buddy!"

Blair blinked and shot a puzzled look at his babbling (??!!) Sentinel....a Sentinel who was not only babbling, but threatening to crush his Guide's lungs with the force of his hug.....

'Whoah...hug? Babbling??!! Twilight zone, here I co....'

"Blair! Come on, Chief, speak to me! Simon, I think we might need a medic, here...."

"Jim! Jim!!! I'm ok, big guy, just didn't expect the door to open so suddenly. Look! See? I'm all in one piece, Jim. Well, 'cept for the breathing thing, but if you'd just loosen your hold a little...."

Blair's panted ramblings were cut off as strong arms pulled him to his feet, wrapped around his shoulders and all but dragged him into a nearby interrogation room.

"Ok, people, panic's over and Sandburg's obviously in good hands, so let's get back to work." Simon quickly ushered his team back into the bullpen before heading with determined strides towards his office and a much-needed cigar. 'I don't want to know...I don't want to know....what I don't know, won't give me ulcers....' *SLAM*

Meanwhile, in an interrogation room not far away......

"Mmmmphhh...'im, 'im!! Mmmphh, mmphh, mmmmmm......."

"What"... "s'up"... "Chief?"........

"Mmmmmpphhhh!!!! 'im!!!!!"

Reluctantly, Jim pulled back a half inch or so, allowing his gasping Guide to draw breath while Sentinel lips locked instead onto the beard-shadowed rough softness of a Blairchin....

"Jim!" "Not that I'm complaining here" "But..what are you doing??"

"What does it feel like, Sandburg," came the growled response, as sensitive lips and sensitive hands all honed in on ultra-soft Guidecheeks....

"Eeek!!"....squeaked the cheeks' owner, wriggling in automatic response to the unexpected attack on his nether regions.

"But...but...but..."

"Yep, you have a great butt, Chief." /kiss..fondle...squeeze../ "And it's all mine. Any objections?"

'Well, duh!!! Who'da thunk it? Territorial Imperative? Blessed Protector Overload? Who the hell cares?! Just go with the flow, man.....'

"Nope, Jim. No objections here, man. Errr...but there's just one slight potential problem here...."

"What's that, Chief? I'm sure we can fix it, whatever it is."

"Hmm, well it's just a leetle matter involving clean underwear....."

The End!....
(no pun inten......weg!)