by Kira
up to this point: Blair and Simon go on a date...this takes place the next mornings...
Warning: I am mean to Jim in this, but I think this is one way he might respond. I will resolve things, trust me. I just want to muck about with their heads first <eg> Angst abounds...
still PG-13
New Beginnings 4
by Kira
******
The bullpen was quiet when I arrived at the department the next morning. I was catching furtive glances my way, some people looking at me with concern, others with derision. I was confused. Blair wouldn't have told anyone...would he? I closed the door to my office as I went into my sanctuary and sat down behind my desk. My office was a sort of security blanket for me. It was a symbol of my power, something which I needed to wield, and something which I needed to depend on to get me through the tough times.
The phone rang and I picked it up absently, flipping through files of reports to be signed.
"Banks."
"Simon, its Blair."
I was smiling despite myself.
"Blair. Good morning."
"Simon," the intensity of his voice froze my grin. "Do you have the copy of today's Cascade Times?"
I had one delivered to the office every morning, and it lay on the top of my desk.
"Of course. Why? What's up?"
"Got to page C9. The society page. Now." There was a steel in Blair's voice that sent shivers down my spine. While a Blair blushing was a gorgeous sight, Blair putting his foot down often punched buttons I didn't know I had. So I did as he said. And stared stupidly at the huge picture that captured the entire upper part of the page. The bold black letter shouted in large capital letters "POLICE CAPTAIN AND HIS GAY COLLEGE LOVER TAKE IN A GAME." The picture was of the two of us caught in that unbelievable but incredible damning kiss.
It was like a punch in the stomach. I couldn't take my eyes off the picture. It was a moment I had wanted to be frozen for ever, but not immortalized on the society page of the local paper. A buzz from the phone drew my attention back to Blair.
"Simon? Simon, you there?"
"Yeah. I'm here. Just a bit..."
"Mortified? Shocked? Upset? Freaked?" The tremors in Blair's voice told me he was few scant minutes away from a full blown panic attack.
"Blair, I'm stunned...I can't deny that. While I didn't want us to hide, I didn't' expect to end up in the papers, let alone on our first damn date." I was frustrated as hell that this was happening.
"Did you read the article?"
Oh god. I quickly scanned the article, my stomach sinking the further I got. Words like "robbing the cradle" "gay lover" "police acceptance" "outed" and "scandal" jumped out at me like small daggers to the heart. I took a deep breath.
"It could be worse."
"Not by much. The only thing that they didn't put in there was that I'm projecting my lack of a father figure in my life onto you, mistaking feelings of paternal love for those of *love* love." Blair spat the words vindictively and I had the sense that he wasn't just making them up himself. If Blair had seen the papers, then that meant...my thoughts were confirmed as Jim walked in the door, a storm cloud over his head. He stared daggers through the window at me, making a bee line for my office.
"Let me guess...Jim."
"Is he there?"
"Yeah, he just arrived."
"Look, Simon, he is majorly pissed. I mean big time. He thinks we were keeping this from him, and he said some things." There was a catch in Blair's voice. Oh god. I wanted nothing more to do than to jump through the phone and take him in my arms to give him the comfort I need to. That or kill Jim Ellison with my bare hands. And the latter was more doable at the moment. Jim rapped at the door.
"Look Blair, where are you?"
"At the office. I had to get out of the loft. It was just..just..too much."
"Sit tight. Don't leave. Cancel your classes, whatever. Just stay put until I get there and we can talk. I'm going to talk with Jim. Okay?"
"okay." It was whispered.
"Love you."
"Love you too."
Jim opened the door as I set the receiver back in the cradle.
"Come in Jim, " I said wryly. The Sentinel didn't respond, merely stalked over to the window, staring out at the city, seeing god knew what. His jaw was clenching in his usual way. The silence stretched until he finally turned and looked at me.
"You want to tell me how long this has been going on? How long you and Sandburg have been..."
The open hostility in his voice surprised me. I mean, Jim and I were colleagues but we were also friends.
"Jim, frankly its none of your business. I didn't think yesterday that we'd be showcased in the newspapers as Cascade's latest scandal." I said reasonably, hoping to get off on the right foot with this conversation.
"Scandal? Is that what you're calling it?" Jim stalked about the room. "I open the newspaper and what do I find out? That my roommate and my boss are fucking each other behind my back! That two people I thought were straight were suddenly gay! What the hell were you thinking?"
I stood up, thankful for my extra inches of height. There was no way I could let Jim get away with this full frontal attack. Coming out from behind my desk and invading his personal space with all my bluster, I felt a twinge of satisfaction when Jim backed off.
"First of all, *Detective* as your captain, what I do in my personal life is none of your business. You are in no position to demand explanations of my behavior when it comes to what I do when I'm off duty. Is that understood?" I used my captain's voice and the soldier in Jim immediately came to the fore.
"Understood, *sir*." Jim's emphasis on that word was enough to make me want to punch him. The subtle slur he managed to convey scared me. What the hell had he said to Blair.
"Second of all, as a friend, for your information that happened to be the first time we went out together. We haven't been 'fucking around' as you so crassly put it. When and if we told anyone was still an open question, but if we were going to tell anyone, you would have been the first. Although now I'm doubting why we thought you should have been told." I moved into his personal space again, squaring my shoulders. A pissed of lover had no match. Not even a defensive Sentinel. "What did you say to Blair?"
Jim had the grace to look uncomfortable. He wouldn't meet my eye.
"Now you listen to me, Jim. If you have a problem with me and Blair than you give me a damn good reason, and one that doesn't involve some snide comment about me being a father figure or a bigotry that is no longer acceptable within civil servant policies. Give Blair some credit and don't do me such a disservice." I retreated back behind my desk. "If you have a problem with my personal life Detective then I suggest that you apply for a transfer. I'm sure there are other departments that would love to have the cop of the year with them. So unless you have something constructive to say, I suggest you go do your job and stop meddling where you shouldn't. Don't take your anger out on Blair. Or you'll regret Detective. That I can promise you. Dismissed."
Okay, it was harsh, but sometimes that's all Jim really understands. I didn't' look up from my work as he left, closing the door behind him with a soft click. I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. This was not good. Not good at all. This wasn't exactly how I planned Blair and I to start of our relationship. And I really hadn't anticipated Jim reacting quite so negatively. The phone rang and I contemplated not picking up, but I was on duty and work had to be done.
"Banks." Turns out I made the right call. It was the chief of police. I sat there while he explained the 'don't' ask, don't tell' policy of the department. He then proceeded to say that it was too late for that now and that he would be talking with the editor of the paper. He went out of his way to say 'on a personal note' that he was glad that a captain such as myself had the confidence to be so open and that he hoped I would be an example to all others. Lovely. Now, in addition to be the token black captain, I'd be the token black gay captain. I tried to reign in my scepticism but it was hard.
I wanted to just rest my head on the desk and thump it a couple of times. Really really hard. But I had more important things to do...like talk to Blair. I slipped out of the department, ignoring everyone. I couldn't help not see some of the disgusted looks, but at the same time there were some others looks that weren't so bad...supportive even.
By the time I got to Hargrove Hall, I felt like I had suddenly become one of the most famous people in Cascade. Even the students were looking at me and whispering behind hands. I ignored the fountain as I walked up to the building, composing myself and figuring out exactly what I was going to say to Blair. I rapped on his door and opened it when he called "Come in."
All my carefully planned words disappeared as I found myself with an armful of Blair. The compact body in my arms was shaking, practically vibrating, and I pulled back, searching his face. What I saw surprised me. I expected sorrow, regret, shame....anything but the rage and anger that was present in his eyes. Those gorgeous, red-rimmed eyes.
"Blair, calm down." The shaking had increased and I placed my hands on his shoulders, wishing I had two more to capture the hands that flew about as Blair ranted.
"That...that Neanderthal! That lunk of useless grey matter! Senses be damned! He comes into my room -- oh sorry, *Mr. Genetic Throwback's* spare room -- asking -- no, demanding -- to know long we've been seeing each other -- no, sorry, how long you've been fucking my ass--"
I gently covered his lips with my palm, wishing it was my mouth, but needing to talk. He panted through his nose, breath tickling my hand.
"Okay. No more talking. Deep breaths."
Blair complied as I steered him over to his chair. I shut the door to keep prying eyes away and went back to Blair.
"Right. Here's what we're going to do. We are going to have some coffee--" As Blair wrinkled his nose in distaste I quickly amended my plan. "Some tea then. we're going to sit on that couch and do nothing except be together." I pointed to the piece of furniture that barely could count as a sofa.
We did just that. We spent the whole morning in each other's quiet company, Blair tucked up against me, sipping tea. Hie head rested in the crook of my neck and shoulder and occasionally we would trade little kisses. Nothing fancy, nothing hot and heavy, just enough to let each other know that we weren't giving up on this. And inwardly I was planning my next encounter with Jim. And I think Blair was too.
We parted after lunch, after forcing down some ready made soup from a package. Blair kept them handy for days he couldn't get away form the office and they weren't too bad. But I had a feeling that even the most delectable meal would have tasted like cardboard. We had a tough road ahead of us, I could tell that neither of us wanted to be apart. But we didn't have a choice. I had to go back to the office to face the fall out and Blair had a class that afternoon which he hadn't canceled because he was giving a test.
"Come to my house?" I asked tentatively, not wanting to presume much, but hoping that he'd take me up on the offer. The small smile spoke volumes as he reached up and kissed me softly.
"How's six o'clock sound?"
"If you'll be there, like heaven." Blair blushed and wacked me teasingly on the arm.
"Go back to work, Simon. I'll be fine. Let's just get through the day, okay?"
So we parted ways, me back to police work ,Blair back to academia. Two different worlds. Two different people. Yet somehow they were intertwined, just like Blair and I. The only stumbling block I could see, barring discrimination, hatred and the rest of the negative reactions from the PD, was Jim. Somehow we were going to have to hash it out. And I wasn't placing bets on who would be the one standing at the end.
end
Email: ktomsons@ns.sympatico.ca