Title: My Dearest Jim (Dues)

Spoilers: Small one for TSBS

Warnings: Very, very, pre-slash

Archive: Sure, if you want.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Note: Sorry for the length. I'll do better next time. Feedback is welcome.

My Dearest Jim

by Angel

"My dearest Jim,

I know that the opening will probably piss you off, but, since I'll be gone by the time you read this letter, I figured I had nothing (else) to loose.

I suppose you think of me as a coward for not telling you face to face. Well, you're right, I am a coward. I tell people to 'never hide what they're really feeling, to always be open and honest'.
What a joke.

Please, don't get me wrong, I tried. Many, many times in fact. I just....I don't know....lost my courage. I kept picturing you punching my lights out, or picking up the closest eating utensil
and....well, let's not give you any ideas. You get my meaning.

So, I guess I should get to why I'm leaving. I'm leaving mainly because I can't do this anymore.

What? You're asking. Well, this life, this lonely, miserable life that I've created out of my complete lack of courage.

I know, I'm beating around the bush, so I'll get to the point.

I love you.

There, I said it. Three words that have tormented me from the first day I moved into the loft.

I love you.

It feels so good to be able to say that to you.

I.....LOVE.....YOU!!!!!

I always will. Perhaps the pain of not having you will lessen over time. I doubt it, but one can hope.

I love you.

I will say that to you every night for the rest of my life.

I'll contact you as soon as I know where I'm going. Please don't follow me, I couldn't take it. I've lost everything else, please let me keep what little dignity I have left.

Please tell Simon and the rest of the gang that I appreciate everything they've done. I hope he's not too disappointed in me. I just can't be a cop.

I'm sorry.

Well, you'll be home soon so I need to wrap this up. I'll miss you, you've been a real saint putting up with me over the years. I thank you for that. You gave me the only real home I've every had. But home wasn't the loft. It was you. It always has been and when I think of home, I'll think of you.

Take care of yourself. I'll be in touch.

I love you,

Blair"


Jim swiped at the tear that made it's way down his cheek. "Damn it Blair, why didn't you tell me."

Walking over to the balcony doors, he opened them and stood peering out at the night sky.

Opening up his hearing, he listened. Then finally, a faint, almost whispered voice was heard:

"I love you, Jim. Goodnight."

"I love you too, Blair." Jim whispered back. "Please come back so I can show you how much."

END