His Master's Voice, Part 6

By CatMoran

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I don't own the canon characters or concept; I do own this story.

Summary: We continue with the saga of a guide and his fangs.

Warning: Not beta'd.

His Master's Voice 6
By CatMoran
*****

Blair leaned on the counter in the darkened kitchen and watched as Jim pulled bag after bag of fruits and vegetables out of the refrigerator. Finally he laughed. "Jim, man, did you buy out the produce section or what? There's no way we'll both eat all of this before it goes bad!"

Jim looked up and smiled. "There's just one or two of everything, Blair. Except the carrots, since we know they work for you." He stood and closed the refrigerator door. "That's the last of it."

Blair looked at the pile of clear plastic bags arrayed over the kitchen island. "I don't know where to start."

"How about with what you liked ...before?"

"Yeah, I guess that'll work."

An hour later, they'd determined that all of the fresh food was edible, although Blair complained that the citrus fruits 'felt funny'. He declined to elaborate, but his lip curled in such an expression of disgust that Jim knew there was no point in buying any more oranges.

"That's it for the fresh stuff. You have room to try some of the frozen and canned stuff?"

Blair stared at Jim. "There's *more*?"

"Well, I didn't buy any more. But we've got stuff in the freezer and cupboards."

"I think I could stand to eat a little more. But let's leave it at one of each, I don't think I need to try the canned beans and the canned corn and the canned peas..." Blair trailed off with a quirky grin.

Jim rummaged through the cupboard. "How about canned lima beans?"

"Nah, I never cared for them before."

"Peas?"

"A guy could starve trying to suck each one!"

"You aren't starving now, Chief." Jim frowned. "Are you?"

"No, you're right. I'll try a couple of the peas." Blair conceded. "You can Tupperware the rest and have them for supper tomorrow."

Jim tossed the can to Blair. Blair pulled the can opener out of the drawer and applied it to the can. He looked inside and scowled.

"Something wrong with them?" Jim stepped over to peer over Blair's shoulder.

"Nah. Well, a little. They don't look very appetizing."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure, there's something off about them."

Jim took the can and examined the contents. "They look and smell all right to me. You liked the fresh peas, right?"

"Yeah, except the size problem."

"Well, is it how they smell?" Jim held the can out to Blair.

Blair took a deep sniff. "No, they smell fine. I smell peas, and the metal of the can."

"Maybe it's the metal."

"I don't think that's it." Blair scowled in concentration, then snapped his fingers. "I've got it--they barely glow!"

"Glow?" Jim looked into the can again, then over at the food still spread over the kitchen island. "You're right. It's a lot fainter than the fresh food."

Blair pondered this. "I guess I can only eat food that's 'alive' so to speak. And the canned food barely qualifies."

"You want to try it anyway? It'd be helpful to know if you can live off canned food in an emergency."

Blair nodded and plucked a pea out of the can Jim still held.

"Sandburg!"

"Wha'?" Blair replied, as he delicately bit into the pea.

"Couldn't you use a fork or something?"

Blair made a disgusted face. "Bleah! Jim, man, hand me one of those tomatoes, quick!"

"Are you all right?" Jim set the can down, but Blair beat him to the tomatoes. Jim looked on in awe as a tomato was sucked dry in record time.

Blair sighed in relief, then almost immediately shuddered. "Gack, that was *awful*!"

"I guess canned foods are out then?"

"Well, I wouldn't rule them out if I was, like, *starving*. But it was pretty nasty."

"Should we even try the frozen food?"

"How about I just look at it? If it doesn't glow enough, we'll skip it."

"Well, you know where the freezer is, help yourself."

"Jeez, I have to get it myself? Man, you are getting a *lousy* tip tonight." Blair laughed as he pulled the freezer door open. Almost immediately, he slammed it shut. "Gross!"

Puzzled, Jim walked over and opened the freezer door himself. He looked around it and turned to Blair. "Ok, I'll bite. What's gross?"

Blair snickered. "I think that's my line, man." Jim reached out and smacked him, lightly, in the head. "Ow! That's roommate abuse!"

"Enough with the jokes, what'd you see that's so gross?"

"I think it was a roast."

"A roast is gross."

"Well, a *dead* roast is gross."

Jim opened the freezer and looked again. Sure enough, there was zero glow from the roast. Same for the hamburger, the ice cream and the tongue that he'd pushed to the back of the freezer. The bag of peas, however, was glowing. As was the bag of mixed vegetables. He pulled the latter out and handed it to Blair. "Looks like they're glowing. Want to try one?"

"Sure." Blair opened the bag, and pulled out a carrot slice. He bit into it, and after a moment pulled it out of his mouth and stared at it.

"First he eats with his fingers, then he plays with his food." Jim muttered not quite under his breath. "Sandburg, what's the problem *now*?"

"It's frozen."

"I *know* that, Einstein. I was the one that pulled it out of the freezer because dead cows gross you out. You want to enlighten me further?"

"It's frozen, so I can't suck anything out of it."

"Oh, for heaven's sake..." Jim grabbed a plate out of the cupboard, the carrot slice out of Blair's hand, and dropped both into the microwave. Punching in 10 seconds, he stood back and waited. When the machine dinged, he opened it, pulled the plate out and handed it to Blair.

"Jim, it's dead."

Jim snarled and grabbed the plate back. "Give me that!" He ate the carrot slice.

"Jim, you didn't use a fork." Blair laughed and ducked.

"I'll 'fork' you!" Jim lunged, expecting Blair to run. Blair stood there, staring at him. "What? Sandburg, are you *trying* to be weird?"

Blair stepped back. "Sorry, I was... distracted, I guess."

"Well, get undistracted. You want to try thawing out some frozen veggies?"

Blair took longer to consider the question than was absolutely necessary. "Yeah, why don't we put a few out, and I'll try them in the morning."

"Ok. Um, I thought of one other thing we could test while I was at the store."

"What's that?"

Jim opened a cupboard and produced a ziplock bag. Nested inside the ziplock, was another ziplock. And inside that bag, was a bulb of garlic.

Blair stared at it. "Jim, I hope you don't plan to make me eat that thing."

Jim looked at it and immediately spotted the problem. "Huh. I didn't notice that before. It should be fresh, maybe all garlic doesn't glow?"

"We'll check that out later. What were you planning to do with it?" Blair couldn't quite hide the look of disgust that crossed his face when he said 'it'.

"Well, you eating it is obviously out. But we should still see if it repels you."

"Trust me, it's repelling."

"Ok, let me rephrase that. We should see if it can hurt you."

Blair nodded. "How?"

"Let's go out on the balcony, and I'll open the bag. If the smell irritates you in any way, I want you to go right back inside and close the door behind you."

They crossed the loft. Blair opened the balcony drapes and door. A minute later, they were outside and Jim had both bags open.

"Anything?" Jim asked.

"Nope. Smells normal."

"Move a little closer and try again."

Blair took the bag from Jim and smelled it. Then he reached his hand inside the bag. Jim grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand out. "Sandburg, what're you trying to do?"

"Jim, I don't think it's going to hurt me. Let's just get it over with, ok?" Reluctantly, Jim released his wrist. Blair put his hand back into the bag and tentatively touched the garlic.

No screaming, no burning. Both men visibly relaxed. Blair closed his hand around the bulb and pulled it out. "Well, I still don't want to eat it, but it's obviously not going to hurt me."

Jim plucked the vegetable out of his friend's hand, pulled a single clove of it off and ate it. Blair grimaced. "Sandburg, are you going to do that every time I eat?"

"Do what?"

"Make faces!"

"Hey, I can't help it if you're eating something disgusting."

"Well, two days ago, you not only loved this stuff but you were singing its praises!"

"*Apparently* those praises don't apply to vampires, Jim."

"Maybe it's like liver. It tastes nasty and it's good for you." Jim grinned.

"Aw man, don't even joke about that!"

"After some of the stuff you've made me eat? It's payback time!" Jim almost sang the word payback.

"Man, you are getting *seriously* weird."

Jim shrugged. "What can I say? I'm living in the Sandburg zone. Weird fits!"


The End
(c) CatMoran 2000