Title: Stay

Author: JaimeBlue

Rating: NC-17

Archive: Yes

Category: First Time, Angst, Death Fic

Fandom: seaQuest

Pairing: Tim/Brody

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, yadda yadda yadda

Spoilers: Dead End, Dagger Redux, Brave New World, Spindrift

Warning: Since Spindrift is one of the spoilers, you can guess that this is a death fic. I bawled while writing it.

Author's Note: This started as a little missing scene from "Dead End" but took on a life of its own. It starts immediately after the scene where Brody tells Lucas that he should tell Lonnie he has a crush on her.

Summary: The path to true love is never easy, especially when the odds are against you.



STAY
By JaimeBlue
*****

Jim Brody watched as Lucas walked away, exchanged a look with O'Neill, then turned to the piece of equipment the teenager had been working on before their little talk. He could sympathize with the kid. It wasn't easy revealing your innermost feelings to someone who's opinion mattered so much, yet he also knew that this could be the last chance for any of them to ‘clear the air' so to speak.

Which brought Brody to where he knelt, trying not to be aware of who was sitting immediately behind him. Lucas wasn't the only one with hidden feelings for a fellow crewmember. It had begun almost from the first moment he'd stepped onto the seaQuest. He'd found himself looking to the same station whenever he needed reassurance that all would be okay, or he'd hover around the station's chair, always needing to know whatever the officer was doing. It had become a distractingly annoying but nevertheless exhilarating feeling, watching those fingers dancing over a keyboard.

Brody couldn't help but wonder if he'd have the courage to do what he'd told Lucas to do.

"Jim?"

Brody turned to look at his injured friend. "Are you all right? Is it hurting?"

Tim shook his head. "No, I'm fine. But Lucas isn't going to say anything, you do know that."

"Maybe, but if he's going to, this would definitely be the time." He paused. "You don't think I should have said anything?"

The commtech shrugged. "I just know Lucas, and he doesn't talk to anyone but the Captain."

Jim nodded, then decided to ask a question to test the waters. "So, you agree that, if any of us have any unfinished business with each other, that we should get it out in the open while we can."

Tim seemed to consider the question a moment before answering. "I guess, but only if they feel right doing so. There's always the chance that we'll survive all this, and if it's something really bad, then it may make life on the boat a little difficult."

"So you wouldn't say anything if you had something to say."

"I didn't say that. After all, I'm Catholic -- I'm used to going to confession. But I recognize that some people work through things better when they keep them to themselves." Silence reigned for several moments. "Jim, you weren't just talking about Lucas, were you."

Brody's head shook as he looked down at his hands. "You're right. There's... something I want to talk to you about."

"This isn't about Lonnie, is it? I keep trying to tell you guys that there's nothing going on between us, thank God, and that we're just good friends..."

Jim barely held back a laugh as he held up a hand to stop Tim's line of thought. "No, it's not about Lonnie. It's about me... and you."

Tim's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Me? But I thought things have been okay between us. I haven't done anything to upset you lately, have I?"

"No, no, Tim. Can I just talk for a moment, please?" Tim nodded. Jim took a deep breath before continuing, guiltily thankful that Tim was incapacitated by a broken leg, and thus unable to attack Brody should he take offence at the coming comments. "You see, Tim, I, umm... Oh man, this is harder than I thought. What I'm trying to say is, Lucas isn't the only one who's had kind of a crush on another crewmember."

Brody looked at Tim expectantly, almost relieved when Tim finally spoke. "Okay. Well, who is she, and what's this got to do with me?"

Jim lifted a hand and rubbed his face, not knowing whether to laugh or scream. "Not ‘she', Tim. You. I mean you."

The silence weighed heavily on both men. Tim's blank face gave Jim no clue as to what thoughts were going around that multilingual mind. Eventually, Brody just couldn't take the silence any longer. "Tim? Are you okay?"

Tim blinked for what seemed like the first time in several minutes. His mouth opened and closed several times, leaving Brody to think that, had the circumstances been different, he would be putting that mouth to a very different use.

"I'm sorry, Tim. I shouldn't have said anything..."

"No!" The word came out so forcefully that it even seemed to startle Tim. "I mean, don't apologize for telling me your feelings, no matter what they are."

Jim nodded and looked away, relieved that so far he hadn't been told where to go. "So, we're still friends, right?"

Tim's eyes grew wide, incredulous at the comment. "Of course. Hey, if Lonnie and I could be friends after that disaster of a date we had, then this is no big deal."

"Yeah, you're right. And at least you haven't called me ‘vapid' yet." Jim couldn't help but grin devilishly at his friend.

"Hey, what did I tell you guys about ever using that word again?"

"What can I say, O'Neill. You expand our vocabularies daily."

The men managed to exchange a smile before Brody was called away by Henderson and Rawlings. He welcomed the distraction, but was nevertheless thankful things had gone well with Tim.

After all, it could have been much worse.


* * *


Jim nearly panicked as he watched Tim slump before him. A glance at the nearby meter gave him the reason why — Tim was out of oxygen. Without a second thought, he pulled the useless mask away from his friend's face, quickly replacing it with his own. He could already feel the oxygen-depleted air entering his lungs causing them to work harder, trying to force something useful into his system. Yet he ignored the feeling, comfortable in the knowledge that his air supply was currently saving Tim's life.

Thankfully, Lucas saw his dilemma and passed along his own mask to share whatever oxygen was left. Jim could never describe the feeling of joy in his soul when their tiny craft jolted and they were carried away by the grappling hook.

Tim and the rest of them had been saved, and he wouldn't be faced with having to work and live without that reassuring presence nearby, one that had become all-too-necessary in his life.


* * *


It had been several weeks since Brody had last faced the possible death of his friend, and as he stood at the door to Medbay, he was just registering the fact that he could have lost him this day as well. He watched the sleeping man's chest rise and fall, glad to see his colour had improved since he had been returned to seaQuest.

*We could have killed him and not even known it,* he thought. *If Mariah hadn't pulled him in front of the screen...*

Before he knew it, his feet had taken him to the side of Tim's bed. He glanced at the other sleeping figure to reassure himself his next words wouldn't be heard, then picked up one of Tim's limp hands, cradling it between his own.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again. You hear me O'Neill?" His harshly whispered words had not provoked a reaction, though he'd expected none. "I thought that revealing my feelings to you would make them go away, but they haven't. I need you here, Tim."

He took a deep breath before continuing his unheard monologue. "What is it about you that draws me? I just can't figure it out. Why do I constantly need to see you, to touch you, to know that you're nearby?" He released the pale hand with a sigh. "Why did I have to fall in love with you?"

Resisting the need to place his lips against the cool forehead, Brody turned and walked out of the room, oblivious to a pair of eyelids blinking open.


* * *


Brody entered his quarters, appreciating the fact that he no longer had to share a room with Commander Ford. Several days had passed since the incident with Mariah. Tim and Captain Bridger were out of Medbay and life on seaQuest was finally back to normal.

He lay down on his bunk, doing his best to forget the stresses of the week. When he heard a knock at the door, he barely lifted his head off his pillow. "Come in!"

As his visitor came into view, he could feel his heartbeat quicken. He pulled himself into a semi-sitting position, leaning back on his elbows.

"Jim, am I disturbing you?"

"No! Please, Tim, sit down." Jim's eyes never left his friend as he made his way to a nearby chair. He pulled himself up until he was sitting all the way up, then turned to face the slightly nervous-looking commtech. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Everything's fine. I just wanted to, um, talk."

Brody was a little surprised but couldn't help but be pleased that Tim had come to him. "You can tell me anything. I'll always be here for you, Tim."

"Thanks. Over the last few days, I've been doing a lot of thinking: about my job, my life, my friends — stuff. I know now that my place is here on seaQuest, but I also know that it's time to make some changes in my life." Tim paused to take a breath before he continued, looking down at his hands instead of at Jim. "I've also been thinking about what you told me that time, in the caves."

Jim felt his heart stop in his chest. He mentally calmed himself down, deciding to wait until Tim explained himself before he would panic.

"When you said what you said, I never really told you my reaction. I let you believe that I didn't feel the same way without any explanation. The truth is, it made me happy, and that scared me. First of all, you're a guy, and the fact that I even contemplated returning your feelings kind of freaked me out. The other thing is that actually being happy and having something good happen to me, it terrifies me. The way of life as I know it is, whenever something good happens, disaster must strike."

Jim felt his heart fill with hope. "And now?"

"Now, I think the fact that life is too short has finally been drilled into me. I'm finally willing to admit that I do have feelings for you, Jim, and I'd like to explore them..." Brody's face broke into an immense grin. He was about to respond, but was interrupted by more words from Tim. "However, I just can't do that until I've confessed something to you, something terrible, and if you want nothing to do with me when I've finished, I'll understand."

Jim reached out to take one of Tim's hands in both of his. "Whatever it is, Tim, we'll get through it."

Tear-filled brown eyes rose to meet Jim's blue ones, causing his heart to ache from the pain his friend was feeling. "I let everyone down, Jim. I betrayed the ship."

"What are you talking about? You would do no such thing!"

"I did. I gave the code to Mariah, and she used it to attack seaQuest."

"Tim, that wasn't your fault..."

"It wasn't? Do you know how many times she used that chair of hers on me before I spoke? Twice. All it took was two hits and I was telling her what she wanted to know."

"Tim, she tortured you. I don't care how many times she had to hurt you for you to talk. The fact is, she hurt you to get the information."

"But anyone else would have lasted so much longer."

"I don't care, Tim. You're not anyone else. She forced you to talk, and none of us will think less of you for it. We know it was against your will."

Jim watched as the tears in Tim's eyes finally fell. He rose from his bunk and leaned over Tim, laying an arm over the man's shuddering shoulders, pulling him closer. Tim's face instinctively turned into the shelter of Jim's body. Brody winced as the man's glasses pressed into his chest, then reached down with his free hand to remove them, placing them on the desk and returning his hand to Tim's head, comfortingly smoothing the fingers over the brown hair as Tim sobbed into his shirt.

After a while, Tim's sobs abated. Jim's fingers slid under the commtech's chin, lifting it so their eyes could meet. The pain had disappeared from the brown eyes, having washed away with his tears. For the first time, Brody didn't resist the urge to press his lips against Tim's, and he rejoiced as they responded to him.

Jim pulled Tim onto his feet without breaking the kiss, feeling the commtech's arms go around his waist. He ran his hands along Tim's upper arms, feeling the energy that ran through the lithe body. The heat between them grew until Tim suddenly pulled away.

"You okay?" Jim asked, concerned at the sudden movement.

"Yeah, that was... oh boy." Brody grinned. "But I... I think we should take it a little, uh, slow. I've never done this before, and I..."

Jim silenced him with a tender kiss. "It's all right. I understand. We'll only do what you're ready for."

Both men's lips instinctively moved toward each other.

"*Lieutenant Brody, to the bridge.*"

Jim let out a low groan and Tim sighed. With a final smile, they reluctantly let go of each other, Tim reaching out to the desk to retrieve his glasses. They left Brody's quarters and walked side-by-side down the corridor until they reached the intersection where Jim had to turn.

They parted with an exchanged glance that promised of many encounters to come.


* * *


Jim was pulled into consciousness by a distant noise. For a moment he was disoriented until he felt the body lying in his arms shifting. He inhaled deeply the scent of the man he loved — not yet lover, he reminded himself, but soon. Tim, who usually could hear better than the rest of the crew, was dead to the world, having collapsed into bed the moment they'd arrived at Brody's Cape Quest apartment.

The noise started again, and Brody reluctantly rose with a groan. He grabbed a robe that was hanging behind the door to cover his boxer-clad frame, then walked into the foyer to open the door.

"Tony, what do you want? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"By the looks of things, way past your bedtime, Lieutenant. I'm in a bit of a bind here, Brody, and I need a place to crash."

"What happened?"

"Well, you know that date I had tonight?" Jim nodded. "Well, the girl's idea of romance was stealing my wallet after I'd paid for the meal. If I got back to the boat this soon with no money, Ortiz'll never let me hear the end of it. You gotta help me, man."

"Tony, this really isn't a good time..."

"Wait, do you have a girl in there? Don't worry, Sir. I got discretion coming out of my armpits." Jim gave Tony a look. "Okay, I know I used to be a pretty big blabbermouth, but I kinda learned my lesson with the Doc. If you say don't say a word, my lips are velcroed shut."

Jim didn't know what to do. He wanted to give Tony a hand, but he and Tim had worked so hard to keep their relationship a secret from the crew. They still had no idea how anyone would react. Strangely enough, his decision was made for him.

"Jim, could you please get me a glass of water while you're up? I'm a little worn out."

The expression on Tony's face left no doubt that he had recognized the voice coming from the bedroom.

"Now Tony..."

"You bein' good to him, Brody?"

For a moment, Jim was in shock. That wasn't the reaction he'd expected. "What?"

"I know you've got a reputation, man, but Tim there, he deserves much better than being just another stop in a port, you got it?"

Jim couldn't keep the smile from his face. "I've got ‘ya, Tony. And yes, I'd like to think I'm treating him the way he deserves. This isn't a one-night thing, in fact, I've seen nobody but him for weeks now."

Tony smiled and nodded. "As long as you make him happy, man. So, you guys got room for me on the couch or somethin'?"

Brody showed Tony inside and settled him with a pillow and a blanket on the couch, then fetched a glass of water from the tiny kitchen before returning to the bedroom.

"What took you so long?" Tim asked as he took the glass from Jim's fingers, taking a sip of the cool liquid.

"I was talking to Tony at the door." v Tim almost choked as the water went down the wrong way. "Oh no. He heard me, didn't he." Jim nodded. "He knows."

"Yeah. And you know what his reaction was?" Tim shook his head. "He wanted to know if I was being good to you."

"So he's okay with it?"

"Mmm hmm." Jim pulled off his robe and slipped back into bed next to Tim, wrapping an arm around the commtech's waist. "And I don't think he'll be going off telling the crew. He said he learned his lesson after that time with Wendy."

Tim placed the glass on the end table, then turned into Jim's embrace. "So, somebody else knows, and it didn't blow up on us."

"No." Jim's lips captured Tim's as he pulled their bodies closer. "In fact, you'll probably get to see his reaction first-hand in the morning." Jim tried to dive in for another kiss, but Tim pulled back.

"In the morning?"

"Yeah. Tony's date was kind of a disaster, so I let him crash out on the couch."

Tim did his best to look incredulous at the thought, despite the fact that Jim's distracting lips were tracing patters along his neck. "So if he's in the next room, then maybe we... oh boy," Tim held back a moan as Jim found a particularly sensitive spot behind his ear.

"If by that you mean that we should try to get some sleep, then I think you're right."

They settled against each other, wrapped in each others arms. Jim's last thought before sleep claimed him was how much of a relief it was to finally be able to share his love for Tim with the world, even if at the moment ‘the world' meant one person.

For that moment, he was at peace.


* * *


Brody opened the door to his quarters. They were just as they should be. Onboard seaQuest, it was as if nothing had changed, yet the reality was very different. Five days and ten years of their lives had been taken from them, and now they had to find a way to live in the new world they'd been dropped into.

Sitting down on his bunk, he was allowed the luxury of actually thinking about all of it for the first time. He couldn't describe his relief that the first familiar face he saw upon waking up was Tim's. He'd been confused, disoriented, yet somehow he'd instinctively found his way to the commtech's side. He smiled, remembering the way the man had looked in that silly sombrero.

Bridger had said they'd been returned to their last peaceful thought. He'd always felt some kind of peace when with Tim, but the times they could hang out with Tony and be themselves as a couple... that was a peace they rarely granted themselves.

Watching Captain Bridger walk off the bridge had been more difficult than he'd ever thought it would be. He'd only known the Captain over the year or so he'd served on seaQuest, and the respect he'd developed for the man was beyond compare. He could only imagine how Tim was handling the loss of his Captain.

A knock sounded at the door and Brody called out for his visitor to come in. Unsurprisingly, Tim entered, locking the door behind him. Without a word, the commtech made his way over to the bunk, straddled Brody's legs, slid his arms around Jim's neck, and captured the Lieutenant's lips with his own.

Brody felt himself pushed back onto the mattress. His mind was fuzzy from the breathless kiss Tim was laying on him. Somehow, he managed to push himself along the mattress until they were both lying length-wise. He was startled as Tim's fingers desperately tugged at his uniform, and tried to pull away to catch his breath. Tim had never acted so aggressively, and though it turned him on like he couldn't believe, he knew that something must be going on with his friend.

"Tim, not that I'm complaining, but what's going on here?"

"Need you. Feel you. Touch you. Now," Tim murmured against Brody's skin between kisses.

Before Jim could respond, Tim's tongue had found it's way around his ear. He groaned and twined his fingers in the silky brown hair. Tim's lips finally returned to his, and as the commtech was distracted, Jim rolled them over so that he was on top, grabbing the wandering hands and holding them over Tim's head.

"All right, Tim. Tell me what's going on in that mind of yours."

Tim caught his breath and sighed resignedly. "I need you, Jim. You, this, it's the only thing that's real to me now. You could have ended up like Mig," his voice cracked with a sob, but he continued. "I don't want to wait anymore. I want to make love to you, Jim. I..."

Although Tim couldn't say the words, Brody could see their meaning in the ever-expressive brown eyes. He took the trembling lips with his own before pulling away again. "I love you, Tim. I have for a long time."

"Then show me," Tim whispered.

Jim couldn't resist any longer. He gently claimed Tim's lips, sliding his hands down the clothed arms and along the heaving chest. Two sets of hands worked frantically, finally ridding each other of the first layer of their uniforms. Jim's hand slipped under Tim's t-shirt, stroking along the flesh of his stomach. He pulled the shirt up to Tim's chin, breaking their kiss to explore Tim's chest with his lips as the commtech moaned and writhed beneath him.

Several times they had slept together wearing nothing but their boxer shorts, holding and kissing each other in a similar state of dress, yet it had never held the note of anticipation that rang through them as Jim's tongue found one of Tim's nipples. He could feel his body thrum with the knowledge of what they were about to do.

Jim's shoulders were gripped in strong, nimble hands, and he was pulled up and rolled onto his back. Tim sat back a little, incidentally pushing their groins together, and pulled his shirt off, then proceeded to remove Brody's. After carefully removing his glasses and placing them on a nearby table, Tim's hands found their way along Jim's muscled chest and arms. Brody gasped as Tim's lips began exploring, tracing along the same lines his fingers wandered.

Jim was pulled out of his sensual haze as questing fingers ran along his cock through the material of his boxers. His breath caught when those same fingers slid beneath the waistband and pulled the material over his hips and down his legs. He lifted his head, desperately watching as the wandering lips traveled down his stomach, only to pause while Tim's eyes sought his own. With a hungry look, Tim began placing gentle kisses up and down the shaft, reaching out with his tongue to lap up the drops coming from the head.

Brody's body shuddered from the sensations of Tim's mouth on this most intimate part of his body. He was barely aware of a hand moving along his arm until it found his hand, fingers twining with fingers, forming a connection that intensified his reactions to the tongue on his cock.

"Oh, Tim," were the only coherent words he could think to speak. Just when he thought he would go insane from the pleasure, Tim's mouth opened wide and wrapped itself around the head of his cock. His breathing picked up rapidly. He'd been wanting, needing this for so long that it was but moments until he was taken to the edge. With a strangled cry of warning, he released himself into Tim's mouth.

When the fuzziness finally dimmed, he was aware of the stickyness on his stomach from what Tim hadn't been able to swallow. Those precious lips were kissing along his chest and shoulders, while their fingers remained joined. He could feel the steel-hard cock pressing against his hip through Tim's shorts and wanted nothing more than to taste it, but he could barely gather enough energy to lift a hand after the orgasm Tim had gifted him with. However, he could think of a compromise.

"Tim," his voice had turned husky with satisfaction, "take off your shorts." Tim did what he was told. "Straddle my chest and move up close."

Eventually, Tim's knees rested in Brody's armpits. Jim lifted his hands to cup and knead the cheeks he'd watched far too often on the bridge. He pulled the man's hips closer until the slender cock was close enough to taste, which he did. He gave it the same treatment he'd received, kisses and licks, finally engulfing it in his mouth, holding Tim's hips with his hands to prevent the man from moving. After a sweet, torturous progression, Tim's body began shaking over top of him, leaning against the wall for support as he spasmed into Brody's waiting mouth.

Tim slumped against the wall, only moving when Jim's strong hands pulled him down to the mattress next to him. They shared a long kiss before snuggling into each others' arms. Somewhere in the silent room, Jim heard a tiny sniffle. He felt a touch of wetness where Tim's face had nestled into the crook of his neck.

"Tim, are you all right? You don't regret any of this, do you?"

The arms around Jim's waist tightened. "Of course I don't. It's just, if you weren't here, I'd be all alone." After a pause, he continued. "I miss him."

Brody's arms tightened around his lover, having no doubt to whom the man was referring. Tim and Miguel Ortiz had had a connection that even he'd been envious of. They'd been closer than brothers, and he could only imagine the private hell Tim was going through, knowing that while he'd come back alive, his best friend would never return.

"You know what you always used to tell me, Tim? That God looks after us when we die, and He watches over those we love for us. He's watching over you, Tim. He brought you home, and he brought you to me."

"I hope I was right."

Jim could feel the need for sleep catching up with his lover. He pulled up a blanket to cover them for the sleep period. With a final kiss to Tim's temple, he rested his own head back on the pillow.

"So do I, Tim. So do I."


* * *


His eyes burst open and he nearly panicked. The only person Brody could recognize was Lonnie. All the others wore blue scrubs. He was in Medbay, and all of a sudden he could feel the pain overwhelm him.

"We made it back." *We made it back, we brought Lonnie back. Tim made it back.*

He struggled to speak but the pain was too much. He managed to grab onto her hands, mumbled some Spartan expression he'd once heard in the hopes that she wouldn't feel guilty at his sacrifice, then dropped them.

He could feel his body spasming. He was losing the fight for his life. A mask was placed over his face, but he knew it was of no use.

As his eyes were drawn away from Lonnie, he spotted two figures in the shadowy corner of the room. His heart seized. Tim looked as if he was about to run to him, but Tony was holding him back. His eyes locked with Tim's one last time.

I love you, the commtech mouthed.

*I love you too, Tim.*

With those unspoken words on his lips, he passed into oblivion..



=====
END