Confined behind walls of wood and weak plaster
I long for the time when I can be free.
To experience the earth beneath my bare feet,
To feel the pleasure of the wind against my naked flesh,
Or even bear the pain of thorns ripping into me,
Is a fantasy I covet above all else.
Forgive me Father for I have dreamed.
The lash into by back with taunts ands snickers
Of a love they will never show me.
My face lies bruised by simple statements:
"I wish you were never born!"
"No one could love a snivelling bastard like you!"
"Why don't you kill yourself and spare us?"
Forgive me Father, for I have heard.
It is a logical question.
Why not take what no one else will claim?
Would tears fall at my passing?
Would screams of remorse lace the cool night air?
Or just hysterical laughter at my soul's expense?
How much more can I endure?
Forgive me Father for I may act.
New people talk around me and to me now.
I sit quietly so as not to say the wrong thing
And cause my torment to begin once more.
Dear God in Heaven, make me understand.
I am a child with a man's soul and a computers brain
And I can't stop the tears that fall in the night.
Forgive me Father for I hurt.
Nine o'clock and the end of my day.
I feel like going to the bathroom
And taking all my medications at once.
My last great self experiment
To see how a bottle of prozaic reacts to my system.
After all I am a scientist by heart.
Forgive me Father for I want to die.
Great master of death,
He who steals the breaths of many
Come and place a soft kiss upon my cheek
And I will follow wherever you wish to go.
Take me away from the nightmares and memories
And cleanse my battered soul with blood.
Forgive me Father for I have sinned




jessephoenix@hotmail.com