Title: My Scrubs Slash
My Scrubs Slash
I was having one of those weeks. You know the ones - where everyone seems to want you to do everything - yesterday. And as much as I like Dr Cox stopping by to rant about the latest stupid thing I've done, I didn't exactly have truckloads of spare time to stand around listening to his instructive tirades every five minutes. But somehow his free time seemed indirectly proportional to my lack of it. On top of that Carla and Turk were fighting, Elliot was in neurotic mode and don't get me started on the janitor. So, ok, I finally snapped. Yep, I threw a great big new resident sized hissy (and this is the part where I wince) at Dr Cox.
I go on about how busy I am and how petty and boring his constant griping and complaining is.
"I mean what is your problem? Just once can you talk to me like a normal human being? And for the record, you know those pieces of insightful advice you always have? Well ok, they're not insightful, they're just boring and annoying, and point.less." I grind to a halt.
Dr Cox just looks at me, his face expressionless. His mouth tightens and he pins a glare on me.
"Are you quite finished there, Carol?" he says, arms folded.
"Um, yes," I manage, and I feel my face turn red. The patients are all looking at us. Two nurses are looking at us. I'm pretty sure the janitor is standing behind me smirking.
"Well gee, that's great," says Dr Cox and he slaps a patient's file into my hands. "Cause heck if you're so busy there champ, you don't really have time to stand around bitching about it do you?"
And then he just leaves. No ranting, no yelling, no clever insults. Well don't I just feel like the biggest heel? Feel free to do the cartoon visuals. I look around and as suspected, everyone is looking at me - judging.
I didn't have time to worry about wanting to sink into a big hole and die, or about apologising to Dr Cox, I could do that after I saw ooh, all five hundred of my patients. So I lifted my chin and with as much dignity as possible, ran out of the room.
And of course, now that I was completely alone with my work, I started to miss Dr Cox's frequent interruptions. I noticed something about a patient and there was no Dr Cox to share it with. And as we passed each other in the corridor without a word, busy concentrating on the folders in our hands, I realised that Dr Cox's had just been trying to be friendly with his constant
interruptions, something to make the day go faster. I suck.
Finally my shift finished. I was physically and mentally exhausted but oh joy, now I had time to obsess about what I said to Dr Cox. He probably hated me, or worse than that, thought we weren't friends anymore. I know its Dr Cox I'm talking about, but I had kind of gotten the feeling that he did count me as a friend now. I had to fix it.
And that's why, somehow, I'm now at his place. Ok, courage time. I knock. Dr Cox opens the door. He looks like he's just had a shower, he's still drying his hair and he's only wearing boxers and a t-shirt.
"Oh you." He goes to shut the door again.
"Uh, hi, Dr Cox. Can I - uh, can I come in?"
"No. Ok.right, um, Dr Cox, I just want to apologise-"
"Don't trouble yourself Brenda, you were tired, overworked, stressed and you didn't need me constantly ragging on you. See all fine. Now you can skip off home and let me relax after an equally hard day's work."
Oh ok. That was too easy, I don't believe him.
"I really am sorry. I didn't mean what I said - I like your advice and constructive criticism and I was being immature-"
"J.D., its all right. Now go home." And he goes to shut the door. I know he's really lying now, and did he really call me by my actual name?
"Yes?" he says with a sigh.
"Are we ok? I would hate to think that I ruined, you know, things between us."
Yes, I have no dignity.
"And what things would they be J.D.?" he says, and there's my actual name again. I'm getting scared. "As far as I can tell you're a snot-nosed kid with a doctor's degree.who *somehow* I've had the misfortune to end up working alongside. There are no things, there is no we, no us. I am not and never will be your.friend, J.D., so please, don't worry about having insulted me, or gosh.hurt my feelings even."
I hurt his feelings? Oh crap, I did.
"I-" I begin. Dr Cox's jaw clenches and he goes to shut the door.
"I'm sorry," I say uselessly.
Dr Cox doesn't reply and finishes shutting the door.
I hover outside the door, not wanting to leave and not sure what else I can say. I sit down in the hall, trying to figure out what I can say to make things right again. I have no ideas.
I'm still there five minutes later when the door opens.
"Oh good lord, you're still here?"
I look up and see Dr Cox. I scramble to my feet and open my mouth to prompt my brain to come up with something to say when he continues.
"Come on then, get inside, I don't want my neighbours thinking I know you, sitting there like some pathetic lost dog."
I grin, puppy style and scamper inside.
"Drink?" Dr Cox asks as he shuts the door behind us. "And don't you have a home to go to? I know I think you're sad but surely, you have some sort of life outside of work?"
"Well." I begin. "I guess - yes I am that sad."
Dr Cox doesn't reply but hands me a glass with something very alcoholic.
"Scotch, and you'd better not tell me you've never had alcohol before."
"No, no, its non stop parties, that's me, big old.party.guy."
Dr Cox just stares at me, then shakes his head in disbelief.
"Why are you really here Farrah?" he asks, sitting down on his couch.
Oh good, the pet names, a good sign?
"To apologise-" I begin and tentatively sit down beside him, nursing my scotch. Heh, I'm drinking scotch, how grown up am I?
"No, but ask yourself, humour me, why are you apologising?"
I think this is a trick question.
"Because I don't want you to be mad at me?" I suggest and take a gulp of my drink. GAH - burnies.
"Could you be a little more pathetic? No wait, don't answer that, you were sitting outside my door, I know you can. No, that's the wrong answer. Try again."
"Because I admire and respect you and really shouldn't have said what I said?"
Dr Cox's bright fake, expectant smile slips a little. He frowns slightly.
"Nice answer, Mary Ann, and kudos for trying to use flattery to win me over, but still, wrong."
I have another swig of the scotch, stalling while I try to find the right answer. Wait a second, shouldn't the truth be the right answer?
"Why don't you tell me what the right answer is?" I say, and hurriedly gulp some more scotch. Did I really say that?
Dr Cox raises his eyebrows and stretches out on the couch.
"What and give you more boring, pointless, annoying advice?"
Ouch. He's got a point.
"I didn't mean that. I was just.on a roll."
Dr Cox remains expressionless for a moment, just considering me, which ok, is starting to get uncomfortable.
"Ok then," he says suddenly, sitting forward. "To prove it you're going to sit there and listen while I tell you exactly why you came here tonight, and by golly, Virginia, you're going to like it."
I gulp, even though part of me is going yippee!
"Ok," I say with a nod. "Hit me."
"You came here tonight, Dr Dorian," says Dr Cox, leaning forward some more. "Because you want to know that you're a good guy, and that you haven't done anything wrong, that, and that alone is why you came here."
Well that was relatively painless, sure, it reaches into my nasty murky depths and pulls out my least honourable intentions, but fairly painless all the same.
"That and you've got some sort of understandable but ever so slightly.*weird* school girl crush on me."
I spurt a spray of scotch over Dr Cox.
"I what?" I ask.
"Oh, don't give me that surprised look J.D., tell me this, if you had insulted.lets see.Bob Kelso today, do you really think you'd go to his *house* and sit there until he lets you in and forgives you?"
He's got a point.
"Yes, but I don't."
"Care about Dr Kelso? I rest my case."
"Like. I was going to say like Dr Kelso."
"And your point is what?"
"Um.nothing.just don't finish my sentences."
"I'm not saying I mind, it really is kind of cute, seeing you following me around like a little puppy, writing about me in your diary and telling the other girls at school how hot I am, but really, you must know that that sort of hero worship can only lead to one thing."
"And that is?" I ask. I'm sort of just mesmerised by Dr Cox's train of thought. He always does this - make perfect, weird logical sense. That and the fact that he always looks like he's about to explode just before he takes a breath.
"Tears. One day you're going to wake up and find out that I'm fallible, just like everyone else, and its going to break your little heart, it will shatter your reality and you'll be all alone to pick up the pieces."
"Yes, oh. So the sooner you realise that you can treat me like everyone else the better, and if I'm being an asshole you can say it and you don't have to come to my home afterwards and try to get me to be friends again."
I consider this. Somehow it doesn't seem right.
"No, don't argue, you have to let me go."
And that's when I realise. I may have a crush, but he's the crushee. I grin.
"And what about you?" I say.
Dr Cox stops, then recovers and casually takes a sip of his drink.
"This isn't about me," he says.
"Yes it is. If I'm going to give up hero worshipping you, or having a crush or whatever it is you think I have, because I'm not admitting anything Mister, then what will *you* do?" I sit back. I feel a little giddy - which could be from the head rush of having the upper hand with Dr Cox or it
could be from the scotch. "Admit it, you like having your own private fan club. *You* have to let *me* go too."
Dr Cox coughs.
"Ahem, newbie, got a few tickets on yourself there haven't you buddy?"
I laugh because I know it's true. Dr Cox likes me. Dr Cox likes me. Heh.
"Oh and you can wipe that smug expression off your face Susan," he says. "There is no symbiotic relationship here."
I take another swig of scotch then grin.
"Stop it! No. No. We are not friends. I do not like having you following after me like some love sick boy band groupie."
I just look at Dr Cox. The man is looking uncomfortable, but he's still so damn cool, and yet, vulnerable despite that nasty, cynical exterior. Don't cha just want to hug him?
"Aw, do too," I say.
He glares at me. "That's enough out of you Brenda," he says pointing his finger at me. Then he looks at my glass. "Want another drink?"
I drain my glass and hand it to him. "Yes please."
Dr Cox grudgingly takes my glass and pours us each another drink. He hands me my drink and sits back down. I'm such a cheap drunk, the first drink is already taking effect and I drink this one more quickly.
I decide it's a good idea to tell Dr Cox how I'm feeling.
"I think you're great," I say.
"Oh no," groans Dr Cox. "Enough alcohol for you, put that drink down."
"No really, you're right. I do have a crush on you. I respect you and like you and I think you're an excellent doctor."
Dr Cox doesn't say anything; he just looks at his drink. I take that as a good sign and continue.
"I'm sorry I hurt you." This seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to say.
"Hurt me?" Dr Cox says in a derisive tone. "Why that would mean I actually cared what you thought."
I nod wisely and have some more scotch.
"Well I don't, for the record," he says.
I smile and shake my head.
Dr Cox scoffs but he doesn't look up.
"Do not," he says. Then suddenly he stands and takes the almost empty glass of scotch from my hands. "Look at you, I'm calling you a cab."
"No, I'm fine," I say. I'm only *slightly* drunk. "I can get home."
"Uhuh, roll home I suppose."
I stand and bump against him. Dr Cox isn't soft and squishy.
"You work out," I say, feeling his abs.
"Uh, might want to take your hands off of me there," Dr Cox says, his voice is a little bit odd.
I grin and decide it would be appropriate, since we are bonding, to give him a hug.
"Now, that's just not necessary," says Dr Cox with a groan. He disengages me. "Hands to yourself," he says.
I nod, trying to be sober but a manly giggle escapes from me.
"You are pathetic! Have you never had alcohol in your life? Get a grip boy, you won't make head cheerleader if you can't hold your liquor, though it will make you more popular with the football team."
I'm really not that drunk. Really. I just- maybe I'm just happy that I'm having this moment with Dr Cox. I kinda don't want to leave.
"Dr Cox, are we friends?" I ask. I'm curious.
He rolls his eyes. "Oh for -Yes. Yes we are friends J.D. Happy, you've ripped open my soul and forced me to sound like a guest on Oprah! I hope you 're proud of yourself! Dear lord, why don't we just kiss and be done with it?"
He grabs my face and plants a closed mouthed kiss firmly on my lips.
I look at Dr Cox, who is looking at me - kinda shocked.
I swallow hard, and he steps forward.We fall onto the couch kissing, lots of tongue, touchy feely, hot and heavy making out, kissing.
Wow. Dr Cox is above me, and ooh, oh? Groin touch.um I think there may be.oh ok, is that hand mine or his? I pull him closer.
And ok, a little clumsy because both of us are trying to take the lead, but this feels wow, good and-
I never knew Dr Cox could move so fast. He's sitting up on the far side of the couch, wiping his mouth and staring in horror at his ex wife.
"Hey don't let me interrupt-" Jordan says dumping a shopping bag on the table.
"No, wait, you're not interrupting. We were uh just-"
"Rehearsing?" I suggest.
"I was showing young Dr Dorian here uh, what to, uh second base is, he's got a big date tonight and golly, the kid just needed some advice."
I think the rehearsing story was better. I just kissed Dr Cox. Dr Cox just kissed me. And he's not looking at me. I feel, um, is dirty the wrong word?
"Uhuh. Ok, well why don't I just step out the door again and pretend I didn't see what I walked in on? Oh and Perry, your boxers? Might want to rearrange them."
I did not look.
"I've got to go," I manage to say, and I get out the door without making eye contact with Dr Cox.
I'm not homophobic. Very ok with gayness. Yep, not at all homophobic. But I kissed Dr Cox. I kissed a guy. Nyargghh! We almost.there was locking. I feel like I'm in my very own version of the Crying Game. Except Dr Cox was never pretending to be a girl. I kissed Dr Cox! So not homophobic.
I've got the weekend before I have to see him again. Oh crap I have to see him again.
I kissed Dr Cox.
I get home and I go straight to my room and have never been so pleased that Turk and Carla aren't home.
Why am I horny? I reach under my bed and find some good old run of the mill heterosexual porn. Yeah that's the stuff. An image and memory flashes through my mind. I touch my lips.feeling. No. Not remembering. Repressing. Inspiration hits me. I was drunk. Yes, it was the scotch. Definitely.
Ok, that's settled.now to enjoy the porn.
There's a knock at the door.
"Down boy," I say to my erection and go to answer the door.
Oh god. I resist the urge to run away and hide.
"J.D." he says, busy looking at his shoes.
This isn't uncomfortable.
"Are any of your little friends home?" he asks
"What? Oh, no. No one's home."
"Good. Can I come in?"
Dr Cox steps inside and I shut the door. He looks distracted. He takes a deep breath then starts.
"Lookit J.D. what I did, well that was highly inappropriate. I would appreciate it if we can just wipe it from our memories and pretend it never happened."
"Right, good." He takes another deep breath and turns to the door.
Part of me is screaming to say something to make him stay, the other part is, ok, the other part is just relieved.
"Dr Cox?" Ok and the horny not so straight part wins.
He stops, back tense, and then turns.
"Don't J.D. Ok? I'm old enough to be your handsome yet older relative. I'm your superior. I'm - heck you've got this schoolgirl crush on me and I took advantage of it. Its wrong on so many levels."
"I kinda liked it." Where did that come from? Oh right, horny me.
Dr Cox frowns slightly.
"And you don't feel.used, betrayed, ever so slightly dirty?"
"Well.I'm still dealing with the whole kissing a guy part but, none of the above?"
Dr Cox opens his mouth to say something then stops. He blinks then steps forward and says seriously.
"I'm going to kiss you now, and if you still like it after that, I'm going to take you into that bedroom and fuck you silly, understood?"
I swallow hard, confer with horny me and agree that the idea is not turning us off.
"Understood," I squeak.
So he does, and I do, so he does.
What happens next goes something like this.
To recap: Dr Cox kissed me. I went, "yes please", and he went, "bedroom now"
He shuts the door behind us and sort of leans against it for a moment.
"You're sure John?" he asks.
At first I don't realise Dr Cox has called me John since I'm used to answering to anything from him. It sends a shiver through me to realise how serious he is.
I nod. I notice for the first time how messy my room is - and that the porno magazine is still on my bed open on my favourite page.
Dr Cox follows my gaze and he smirks. He strolls over to the bed and picks up the magazine, holding it at several different angles.
I try to see his expression, hmmm, I hope this hasn't killed the mood.
"Well, well, Carol, she certainly is anatomically correct. Reassuring ourselves of our heterosexuality were we?"
I decide that I need to take the initiative. Still watching his expression, I take the magazine from his hands and step close, really close. Dr Cox looks at me, curious and just a little bit like a rabbit in the headlights.
"No, just trying to do something about this," I say, and press my hard on against his thigh. "And the newsstand guy said he was all out of Naked Dr Cox Monthly."
I earn a crooked grin from Dr Cox, then he cups the back of my head with his hand and kisses me. It's a soft, very no-nonsense kiss. My hands rest on his sides but as the kiss keeps going, I start exploring a bit and *that* leads to more kissing, sort of a nice kind of vicious cycle. This goes on for quite a while until we are both naked and on the bed and then.things get to the New Experience point. Ok, there are some things I glossed over - I was ok with touching another man's genitalia (hey I am a doctor), and ok with Little J.D. being touched by someone without boobs (hey, *he* is a doctor), very ok, but then it got to the "you're going to put that where?" moment.
"You have to relax," Dr Cox says. He kisses me but I'm obviously still a little.tense. "Hey, no need to be nervous. You trust me don't you?"
Um yes, I think, but.no.
"Yes?" I say.
Dr Cox seems to make a decision.
"All right then, you do me."
"Me? You? Do?" Nervous *and* articulate.
Dr Cox kisses me again - is it possible to kiss with frustration? - and his hand goes to my cock - which is kinda relaxing and distracting all at once.
"You just.well I'm sure you've watched x rated movies with anal sex haven't you?" he says, still doing.things.
I blush. "Well, maybe once-"
"And it looked fun right, you wanted to try that? Well just pretend I'm the naughty nurse in the tight little white number who just wants to bend over and take it in the ass."
I can't help it, I snicker.
"Doctors and nurses?"
Dr Cox smacks me on the butt. Ooh. "Do not go there."
"Hmm, Dr Dorian and Nurse Cox. Nurse, I think I need you to examine my-"
Dr Cox growls and catches my mouth in a kiss.
"Can we please fuck now?" he asks as he pulls back.
I nod vigorously. "Ok."
"Good." Dr Cox rolls onto his stomach. "There's lube and condoms in the bottom drawer."
Dr Cox is letting me be the um, top, er, guy? I lube up, condom up and um, lube him up. Ok, so I don't know exactly what to do, but he gives me instructions. Then, well, then we fuck.
I think my eyes will be permanently crossed, it feels so good. And the best thing is the way Dr Cox also seems to be enjoying it.
"Fuck yes, J.D. oh yeah, just back a bit and - oh fuck! Yes, right there- Oh yes, that's it, harder, god yes, harder-" I decide to memorise what he says for later when I'm alone by myself, meditating.
I don't exactly last very long, and Dr Cox still hasn't come when I finish. He rolls over when I pull out and lies back on the pillow panting.
"That was good, very good. You enjoyed it didn't you?" he asks, glancing at me.
I nod, also breathing heavily and lying on my back. "Wow," is all I can say. I am very, very aware of the fact however that when it comes to sex I've just shown I'm more a middle distance sprinter than a marathon runner. "Do- um, should- can-" I give up and just reach for his cock. Dr Cox groans softly when my hand closes around him.
"You can do whatever you want," he says.
I'm post-orgasmic, I'm a guy, I kind of want to sleep, but I'm also young and this is exciting. And *this* is the point where I learn how to give blowjobs. Now I know why Elliot was always bitching about how sore her jaw got.
Sometime after the blowjob and the spanking (and I think I'll just gloss over that bit), Dr Cox smiles at me, a real honest smile. We're lying beside each other on my bed, all hot and sweaty and plain old post-coital. Dr Cox is looking at me thoughtfully.
"I've wanted to do this for so long," he says, propping himself up on his arm beside me.
"Really?" I ask. "The spanking or the whole lurrve making thing?"
"Oh I've been wanting to spank you for a long time," he says and pushes me back on the bed and kisses me firmly. He kisses down to my ear and adds, "But no, the.all of it."
I like the sound of that.
I grin suddenly as an idea hits me.
"Can we please kiss in front of Dr Kelso?"
Dr Cox laughs and grinds against me. The man's insatiable.
"You betcha sweet ass we can and will."
I have the image of Dr Cox and me walking through the halls of Sacred Heart, hands on each other's asses, violins playing as we exchange a kiss over a burn unit patient.
"I might have a heterosexual panic attack about this tomorrow morning," I warn. "But I won't mean anything by it."
Dr Cox nods sagely. I know he's about to give me some insightful advice, and I like that he understands me so well - freaked out by it oh yeah, but I still like it.
"Just repeat after me," he says. "We're bisexual, not that there's anything wrong with that, to borrow a phrase from one of the finest commentaries on our corrupt and degenerative society, so just ease up on that anxiety there champ."
Oh yeah, lucky me.
So when I wake up alone, I don't panic. I've got the day off, but Dr Cox, no *Perry*, hasn't, so that would be why he left. Right? And besides I'm still wearing the incredibly huge goofy grin that I went to sleep with. Asleep, I might add, all snuggled up with Perry's arm around me. I pause to enjoy the hearts and roses moment.
Both Carla and Turk have shifts so neither of them are there by the time I get up. Ooh and sore? I didn't even know I had muscles there and I'm a doctor.
So I didn't panic when I woke up alone, but by seven o'clock that night I'm panicking. I've had all day to think about things and I'm realising that aside from some great sex, Dr Cox and I hadn't really discussed where the hot steamy sex was going. I mean the way we were talking indicated it wasn't just a one night thing.but, then what?
Should I call him? No. Ok, I will. No. Ok, I'll go over and see him. Ok.
"Where are you going Bambi?" Carla asks as she walks in the door just as I'm hunting for my shoe.
"Um, out- I've just - I've just got to go see someone," I say as casually as possible.
"And would this someone be a girl? Because that looks like Bambi's wearing his best shirt."
I don't blush, I don't blush.
"No," I say. Keep mouth shut, don't add anything, don't add anything. "It's just Dr Cox." Argh! Stupid mouth.
"Oh!" Carla seems surprised. "You're going to see Dr Cox, at home?"
Ok, and even I think it sounds stupid - but, but, the sex?
"I have to ask his advice about something."
"Well he just seemed pretty distracted today, a bit off, if you know what I mean. You might want to tread carefully."
Uhoh, that's not good. Or is it good? Maybe he wanted to be in bed still having snuggles?
"Ok," I say, and escape before Carla can ask any more questions or put two and two together and get the exact right answer.
"J.D." Perry says when he opens the door, and ok, I get palm sweats and my heartbeat quickens and I get butterflies - I think that's supposed to be good. I want him.
"Uh, hey, Perry-"
Its then I notice his expression. Dr Cox looks uncomfortable, closed off.
"Uh, J.D. can we do this tomorrow maybe? I'm just a bit busy now - visitors, you understand." He speaks tersely and doesn't even bother insulting me, it's like he just wants me to go away - quickly.
I try to see over his shoulder into the apartment, but I can't.
I nod. I'm unable to say anything. I turn around and walk away. The butterflies are replaced by one big enormous stone.
No, don't get hopeful. I take a deep breath.
"Yep tomorrow," I say shortly, without looking back. I hear the door shut behind me.
I can't believe I was so stupid.
Its really, really, really hard to go to work the next day. I'm sure everyone must be able to tell just by looking at me what happened - like I've got
"I had a one night stand with Dr Cox and I thought it meant something but it didn't" tattooed on my forehead (obviously in very small letters).
"Hey Bambi, what's up?" Carla asks as she bumps into me in the hall.
"What? Why? Nothing."
"You just look so sad, what's the problem?"
I do my best 'I'm fine, everything's cool' smile. "Nothing, just thinking- about." Inspiration. I let my smile slip. "The dog I had when I was a kid. It got hit by a car, just remembering-"
"Oh, poor Bambi, you want some coffee or something?"
Fuck, I'm an asshole.
"No, I'm ok, seriously. Anyway, better go see those patients."
"Ok, you let me know if you need to talk, ok?"
I nod and run away. Thank goodness Turk is about as sensitive as a jock strap, he hadn't noticed anything all morning. When I run into him in the afternoon, he slaps me on the shoulder.
"Hey my man, Carla says you were feeling down. Some girl laugh in your face? Patient die? What's the problem?"
"Uh, you know, just - football season's almost over."
Turk's face sinks. "Oh shit you're right. Man, that's depressing."
Have I mentioned I'm an asshole? But so far I've successfully avoided seeing Dr Cox, or it could be that he's not even looking for me. I'm so pathetic.
I make it through the rest of the day. I just start thinking I'm going to get through it without having awkward moments, when I practically run into Perry, I mean Dr Cox, in the corridor.
"Uh, sorry," I manage and step out of his way.
"That's - ok," says Dr Cox and he keeps going as well.
Oh, that was so not awkward.
"Oh, Dr Dorian?"
I freeze - so close. I turn around.
"Yes Dr Cox?" I congratulate myself on my professional manner. Go me.
"Can I see you in the staff lounge for a moment?"
And he strides off in the direction of the staff lounge. I trail along behind trying to find a shred of self-respect.
Dr Cox is standing with his arms folded waiting for me when I walk into the room. I feel my stomach flip flop seeing him standing there, looking at me.
"Shut the door."
I do and then he closes the distance between us in two steps and kisses me. I tingle, but wait - I pull back with a frown.
"Ok, and huh?"
Dr Cox looks at me, confused.
"You're, you kissed me," I say. "One minute I'm getting the brush off, the next you're kissing me?"
"The brush off? I didn't- good grief Karen, and that's why you've been avoiding me all day?" He laughs. It sounds fake. I know its fake. I shift uncomfortably, a little irritated.
I shake my head and turn to go.
"J.D-" Dr Cox grabs my arm. "Ok, I - I'm, yes, yes I gave you the brush off last night, I had to think about things. And I did, and I think, that.I want to think about possibly seeing where you and I might go."
I don't say anything, because I'm not sure what to say. Dr Cox continues.
"Ok, yes, I was avoiding you too, and I still hadn't made up my mind - but then I saw you, and for crying out loud J.D., lets not make this complicated?"
I nod, feeling slightly numb. "Ok, not complicated. Is it secret then? Or what about embarrassing? Or hey, maybe I should just get a transfer to another hospital?"
Dr Cox folds his arms, then unfolds them, then folds them again.
"No. No, it's not like that at all-"
Elliot opens the door into the room then.
"Get out!" we both say at once.
She looks startled and retreats.
"Look I have rounds to do-" I say. "And now Elliot to apologise to."
"J.D. what do you want from me?" Dr Cox asks.
I frown. I'm not sure. Just not this? I try to explain.
"Ok, yesterday, I was happy to keep going and see where this went, but then you wouldn't even talk to me about it, and I felt stupid, and ok, now I need to know one way or the other."
"Well for gosh sakes, Newbie, I told you already, I'm thinking about possibly seeing where we might go, isn't that enough?"
I stop and consider it. He did say that didn't he, and for Perry Cox, that may just be the closest to a declaration of love or, gee anything, I'll ever get. He's looking at me expectantly, and damn it, I just want to give the guy a hug.
I grin. "Ok," I say. "That's enough, for now."
Perry nods, trying not to look either pleased or embarrassed.
"Aw, come here, you big lug," I say opening my arms.
He rolls his eyes in disgust and goes to walk past me before doing a sudden ninety degree turn, grabbing me and kissing me hard. Oh yeah, that's the stuff.
"Mmmph?" I ask when he finally pulls back. Oh great, now I'm horny and my shift has a whole hour to go. Perry seems a bit, um, ruffled as well. He looks at me ruefully.
"Listen J.D. about yesterday.I am sorry, I should have- just, I'm sorry, ok?" he says.
I smile. "Ok," I say. I step back and straighten my scrubs and try to get some composure. "*Is* this a secret?" I ask.
Dr Cox is also adjusting himself.
"Why? Do you really want to run and tell all your friends? I know I'm great but really-"
"No, I just, you know, want to know if I have to make up reasons to go and see you, or if I can invite you over to my place."
"J.D. could you sound anymore like a sixteen year old girl? And no, please god, no, don't make me go "hang" with you and your little friends, oh all right, maybe occasionally, but only if we have loud obnoxious sex straight afterwards, and oh lord, Carla will be there, so you'd better look pretty so I can show you off in front of her." And then he's out the door, still muttering. I'm stuck on the visual of Perry and me going at it, while Turk and Carla sit on the lounge watching us and looking slightly ill.
Elliot opens the door then, and comes in, her eyebrows raised, looking me up and down. Her eyes dance with excitement.
"You listened!" I accuse with an admittedly goofy grin.
"Uhuh, and someone I know has a secret lov-errr." Elliot starts grinning.
"Didn't you hear him? Its only kinda secret," I say airily.
"So, tell me, you've got to tell me exactly what happened. I knew you were gay!"
"Oh you so did not. Ok, well-"
And anyway, we're still thinking about possibly seeing where we might go, but everyone knows now that we are. It wasn't like we announced it or anything, but word travels fast. I got a bit of shit from some people, not because of being gay, but because of Dr Cox being my boss and well, being Dr Cox, but he stood up for me and everyone shut up. Heh, my boyfriend's just the coolest. Really. Sometimes I think he's only with me because he knows he can use it to make people uncomfortable. Its kinda funny though, and the snuggles in private are always the best - where he doesn't have to be sarcastic and mean all the time. I know, I know, its all going to turn to crap soon, but why not enjoy it while it lasts?