Title: The Locker Room Game

Rating: R

Author/pseudonym: JaimeBlue

Email address: russia_girl@yahoo.com

Pairing: Lister/Rimmer

Archive : Yes, but ask me first

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me, I'm just having fun with them. They belong to Grant/Naylor and the rest of the guys at Red Dwarf

Summary: Lister and Rimmer each try to cheat at the Locker Room Game, with interesting results.



THE LOCKER ROOM GAME
By JamieBlue

Arnold J. Rimmer had had enough. In half an hour, he and Dave Lister would go down to the ship's locker room and break into the lockers of their former shipmates. They would each open one, and whoever came up with the most loot won. The problem was, Lister always won. However, Rimmer thought, this time would be different.

His plan was ingenious. Mere minutes before meeting with Lister, Rimmer was going to sneak into the lab and have a bit the the luck virus the ship had recently found along with many other "positive" viruses on a Science Station. That would ensure his success. Rimmer got back to his Esperanto lessons to while away the time until he was to head out.

At about 5 minutes to deadline, Rimmer headed for the lab. He checked the hallways to make sure no one was coming. Kryten was busy doing the laundry, and the Cat was on his fifteenth nap of the day, so neither of them would catch him.

Rimmer entered the lab and opened the cabinet where the viruses were kept. He looked at each vial, and found it difficult to tell which was which. He finally decided on the one, a red vial, and took a swig. He definitely didn't feel any luckier. He heard a distant whistling from the corridor and quickly put the vial back in the cabinet, closing it behind him as he hurried out of the room.

Just as Rimmer was heading around the corner and out of sight, Lister approached the lab. Lister had it in mind to challenge Rimmer to a game of poker after the locker room game, and he wanted to take a swig of the luck virus to beat the pants off him. He opened the cabinet in the lab and took out a vial of blue liquid. He quickly put it back, and headed for his cabin to meet with Rimmer.

When they met, both men had smiles on their faces. "Are you ready to have your record beaten, m'laddo?" Rimmer asked as they started walking towards the locker room. "I was thinking Rimmer," Lister began, "that we could up the stakes a little. Mayber after we're done, we could maybe play a little poker with our prizes-- winner takes all." Lister watched Rimmer consider the idea and thought, I'm glad he's changed to the blue shirt now, it really brings out his eyes. Realizing what he'd just thought, Lister gave his head a good shake. Definitely weird.

Upon their arrival in the locker room, Rimmer was the first to speak. "Listy, why don't you go first."

Lister was amazed. Usually the game began with a fight as to who would go first. "All right man, I'll take #403." He took the bolt-cutters and took off the lock. Upon opening the locker, Lister lost all form of speech.

"Well, what is it?" Rimmer asked impatiently.

Lister was confused. Maybe the luck virus had a half-life or something. "Why don't you look yourself, man. I'm not touching any of that."

Rimmer moved closer to the locker and looked to see what had so disturbed Lister. There, lying on the bottom of the locker, were a variety of butt plugs, cock rings, and XXX Gay videos. "So you've found the locker of one of the few poofs on the ship. I'm sure it won't be hard to beat." Rimmer took the bolt-cutters from Lister and started choosing a locker.

Lister was no longer paying attention. His eyes were glued to Rimmer, and he had no idea why. It was bad enough that he'd been thinking these strange thoughts since meeting up with Rimmer for the game, but when he saw the contents of the locker...

He'd been alone on this ship too long without a woman, that was it. Too long, for too many hard years...He shook his head again. He didn't know why, but he felt he was reaching a breaking point.

Rimmer had found the locker he'd felt was his lucky one and had cut the lock. As he opened it, a large mechanical fist in a boxing glove came out to hit him. As he lay on the floor, he said, "I'd have to choose the locker of someone who's watched far too many Saturday morning cartoons. Ooooh!"

Lister ran over to Rimmer. "Are you all right man? That was a really bad hit."

Rimmer brushed Lister's hands off himself. "I'm all right. And anyhow, what does it matter to you."

Lister couldn't hold it anymore. "It matters a lot to me, Arn. YOU matter to me." He moved over Rimmer, holding him down, and kissed him. Rimmer struggled, trying to get Lister off him, until he realized his struggling was to no use. And once he'd stopped struggling, Rimmer realized he was actually enjoying this.

All of a sudden, Lister moved off him and jumped back against the lockers. "Holy smeg, what just happened here."

"I should be the one asking YOU that!" Rimmer said, getting to his feet.

"Damn that luck virus, maybe it's gone wonky after its expiry date."

"Expiry date? That would explain some things."

"What things? What are you talking about Rimmer?"

"Well....I was tired of losing to you, so before we met up I snuck into the lab and took a swig of the luck virus. How did I know it was on the fritz."

"Smeg that blue goo."

"Blue?"

"Yeah, Rimmer, that blue stuff, the luck virus." Lister saw a strange look upon Rimmer's face. "You did take the blue stuff, didn't you? That was the luck virus."

"Well, maybe not quite the blue stuff."

"What colour stuff did you take, Rimmer?" Lister was starting to get the idea of where this was going.

"Well, it was less of a blue, than a red."

"Smeg! Rimmer, that wasn't the luck virus you gimboid! That was the sexual magnetism virus."

"Oh Smeg!"

"Well, that explains me, but what about you?"

"What do you mean, what about me?"

"I mean, Rimmer, you didn't exactly struggle for very long."

"I struggled a good amount of time until I realized I couldn't win against a sex-crazed git like you!"

"Nice excuse, but you might as well admit it. That might as well have been your locker, you smegging poof."

"But what about you, Lister."

"What about me?"

"If you'd taken the real luck virus, then wouldn't it have overcome the effects of the sexual magnetism virus? Or did it give you the luck you wanted, eh? You just couldn't resist your chance, could you. Now that I'm hard-light and can be touched, you had to have a go at the Duke."

"In your dreams Rimmer."

"No, I think you're confusing yours with mine."

"You know you're a real smeghead Rimmer."

"And you're an insufferable git."

And with that, they each stormed off in separate directions. Lister went back to his room to mope, and Rimmer went to the room he often occupied to get away from Lister's snoring.

Lister couldn't sit still. The memory of that kiss was still with him. He was also trying to figure out why, after realizing the effects of the virus had gone, it had taken him at least 15 seconds to stop. He was scared to admit that he'd enjoyed kissing Rimmer. He couldn't even believe the thought in his head, enjoying kissing Rimmer. He'd been without a woman too long, that had to be it. He tried to get some sleep, all the while pushing thoughts of Rimmer out of his head.

Rimmer was pacing. Not the leisurely pacing of someone waiting for something, but the quick pacing of a man who was upset. He'd enjoyed the kiss, he couldn't deny it. Okay, he could deny it, but for some strange reason, he didn't want to. For the first time in his life, he didn't want to deny a part of him that would have been so objectionable to his parents. It brought him a great sense of relief, and a definite sense of something he almost couldn't name, but finally labelled freedom. However, he was still troubled. What if Lister could not come to terms with it as he did? What if Lister was utterly disgusted by it? And the most frightening question of all, what if Lister actually felt the same way? Rimmer decided to stop his pacing and tried to get some sleep.

Rimmer was woken by a knocking on his door. After a groggy "come in", the door opened and Lister stormed in.

"All right. I think I understand this now. Correct me if I'm wrong, which I don't think I am, but we both have something we need to get out of our system. I hear most people go through a phase like this, usually in College or University, but since neither of us went I guess we're hitting it now. Anyway, I say we get it over with and get on with our lives."

It took a moment for Rimmer to digest what Lister had just said. Rimmer knew Lister was wrong, about him anyway. It wasn't a phase, and he knew it. He wondered if Lister knew it too, and was just using the phase talk to cover up how he really felt. There was also the possibility that Lister was being completely up front. After a few moments, Rimmer realized this may be the only chance he'd have of finding out the truth. "All right."

Lister was taken aback. Rimmer had taken a few moments to answer, and Lister had thought he'd say no from the start. That's why he'd come in here, thinking he had nothing to lose.

But Rimmer had said yes.

For the first time, Lister felt like doing what Rimmer had done so many times before — run and hide.

Rimmer stood up from his bunk. "You're right, Listy. We have to get this out immediately." He walked over to the door and locked it. He walked over to Lister who was still facing the bunk, still as a statue. Rimmer couldn't help but feel a little worried about him. He put his hands on Lister's shoulders and pushed him down onto a nearby chair. He then started kneading away the tension in Lister's shoulders. He'd never really tried giving a massage before, but then again he'd never really had anyone to practice on. He paid close attention to Lister's reactions, making sure he did this right.

Lister closed his eyes and felt the tension melt away. Rimmer was actually doing a good job, and Lister was suitably impressed. He could feel Rimmer's hands start to move from his shoulders. They kneaded the muscles in his neck, then went further down his back. Lister couldn't help enjoying every moment of it. He wasn't even that surprised to find that a small bulge was starting to form in his trousers. While this massage was definitely relaxing, it was also feeling a little sensual. Therefore it didn't surprise him when Rimmer bent over and placed a kiss on his neck. It was starting to feel right. He wasn't regretting his decision to come to see Rimmer, he was revelling in it.

Rimmer was enjoying this. Lister was genuinely pleased with his massage, and Rimmer couldn't help but feel proud. His pride made him a little more brave, as did his noticing the slight bulge in Lister's pants that matched his own. After placing a kiss on Lister's neck, he moved his hands up and over Lister's shoulders. He started moving them down Lister's chest. Lister made no objections as Rimmer removed his leather jacket. Tossing the jacket aside, Rimmer returned to kiss Lister full on the lips. He placed his hands on Lister's chest, feeling every muscle underneath his t-shirt.

Lister's arms went up around Rimmer's neck as the fingers of one hand entwined in Rimmer's hair. It was so soft. Never in a million years had he thought he'd be doing this with another man, or that it would be so good. He moved his hands away from Rimmer's neck and started undoing his blue jacket. While under the influence of the virus, he'd been right — it did bring out Rimmer's eyes.

It wasn't long until they'd both finished undressing each other. They took their time, relishing in the feel of each other, of a human body other than their own. Lister was fascinated by Rimmer's trim physique, and Rimmer was surprised at how much he adored the extra softness of Lister's body. They rolled all over the floor, over thir clothes, taking turns feeling, and licking, and nipping.

It was Lister's turn to get a little brave. He pinned Rimmer much as he had in the locker room and started placing strategic kisses down Rimmer's torso until he got to the penis. He took the head in his mouth, relishing the sounds of ecstacy that came from Rimmer's lovely mouth.

After a few minutes, Rimmer pulled away. He was very close, and didn't want it to end just yet. He pinned Lister down, and gave him the same treatment Lister had given him. When Lister was close, he warned Rimmer, who stopped immediately. Rimmer motioned to Lister to turn over, which he did. Rimmer got onto his knees and gently parted Lister's cheeks. He bent over and licked the sphincter, feeling Lister's reaction through his muscles. He rubbed one hand up Lister's back, "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, please, now!"

Rimmer needed no other incentive. He gently pushed his cock into Lister's anus. He measured his pressure and speed by the stiffness in Lister's muscles. Lister had been close to the edge when they began, and it wasn't long before Rimmer was there with him. He'd settled into an even rhythm, and within moments of each other, they came.

They laid there, spent and exhausted, for over half an hour. They were broken out of their reverie by a page from Kryten.

"Sirs, are you still there?"

"Yes Kryten," spoke up Rimmer. "We're here."

"Sir, you and Mr. Lister must have had a good haul. You sound exhausted."

"That we did, Kryten," Rimmer replied, grinning.

"I assumed as much since the two of you were late for supper. I just wanted to check on you, knowing how Mr. Lister doesn't like his curry to get too warm."

"It's ok Kryten. We'll be right up." Rimmer looked over at Lister, who was putting his clothes back on. He stood up and gave in to his need to kiss Lister one more time. He had the strangest feeling it would be the last time.

Everyone was quiet over supper. Kryten did his best to liven things up, but it was of no use. He kept shooting dirty looks at Rimmer, apparently blaming him for Lister's ill humour.

Later, Rimmer laid awake in his bunk in the room where he had made love to Lister, for that's what it had been to him. He had decided to let Lister make the next move, whatever it may be.

He had judged correctly. Soon there was a knock at the door, and in came Lister. "I just came to say thanks for humouring me, man. I don't know what had come over me. Maybe it was an aftereffect of the virus or something. Anyway, whatever it was, it's out of my system now. So, if you wanted to come back to the room, Roomie, you no longer have to worry about me going after ya'."

"Good to know, Listy."

"Well, I guess I'll see you back in the room, Smeghead."

"Later," as Lister left the room, "you loveable git."

Rimmer wasn't surprised. He's suspected, and even prepared himself for this possibility. However, he was determined not to let it ruin his life here on Red Dwarf. He'd simply move back in with Lister, and keep his feelings to himself.

Lister walked back to his room feeling terrible. He hopped onto his bunk, and closed his eyes. The only thing worse about lying to Rimmer was lying to himself. If this is what Rimmer went through every day, Lister had no idea how he managed it. But, he couldn't let the truth come out. After all, he had his pride — it was the only thing he had left, and he wasn't letting go of it so quickly.

He fell asleep knowing that, one way or the other, he'd see Rimmer again the next day. The thought comforted his weary soul.



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