Title: Hopeless

Author: E.C.

Fandom: OZ

Pairings: Beecher/Keller

Rating: PG to R for lotsa naughty words

Spoilers: Season 2 & 3 of Oz for the uninitiated

Feedback: Good thoughts and constructive criticism always appreciated...all bad vibes will be passed along to someone who deserves them...like Britney Spears. *grin*... struttersuperior@aol.com/elizabeth@mother-superior.com

Archive: Da usual...Peja, 'tis all yours, everyone else is welcome, just lemme know so I can preen

Disclaimer: Tobias Beecher and Chris Keller belong to Tom Fontana and HBO, but I kidnapped 'em in order to nurse the wounds he so spitefully inflicts on 'em. I'm not making money, but I am ordering that Fontana pay the ransom by rewriting The-Season-Whose-Name-We-Dare-Not-Speak. *grin*

Notes: Written in response to Peja's glorious 5 min challenge...the theme? Futile. Toby's recuperating in the hospital after being stabbed by Schillinger and rescued by Chris, and is fighting a losing battle with his heart's desire, as it were. *grin*

Mad props to Peja...doll, I have fics going for every single challenge you issued. You made me write more in a day than I have in a month. Praise be unto you.

Dedicated to Scribe and any other Oz newbies out there. Long may the fandom live, even if TF DID f*ck up Season 666. LOL!

Hopeless
By E.C.
**********

I can do this. I know I can. All I need to do is go five minutes....

//Warm, solid arms drawing me close...God, I've never felt so safe...//

Shit.

It's hopeless...a study in utter futility. No matter what I do, I can't exorcise the demon that is Chris Keller from my thoughts. If I can just go five minutes without thinking about him, wanting him, needing him....(don't say it, Toby, don't even THINK it...)

//Crystal blue eyes filled with cocky arrogance...desperate tenderness...mind-numbing fear...//

Goddamnit! What can I do? He broke my fucking arms, shattered the last remaining pieces of my heart and soul, and I hate him so much (hate? That what you call it, Tobe? You know what they say about hatred, don't you? You can't hate someone unless you...)

//Deep, breathy voice sliding down my spine like silk...//

I can do this. Just five minutes...

//Kiss me.//

If I can go just...

//Fuck you, ya fuck!//

Five minutes...please, just five...

//I love you.//

"I love you, too, Chris." I whisper into the darkness of the hospital ward.

And I do.

I have no hope of Heaven, no hope for salvation. I'll burn in Hell right beside Chris Keller in the end and I want to.

Because I love him. With all my heart and soul, I still love him.

And God help me, I'm content with that.

END