The Real Truth About Cats And Dogs: A Political Satire

By Mark Biggs

A little Clinton scandalization fun for everyone. Let me know what you think.

Authors note: This story is truly meant for satiric purposes and does not represent my views, whatever they are!

 

THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS: A POLITICAL SATIRE
By Mark Biggs



It was a typical day at the White House. The signs of fall were showing in this
Washington DC establishment. the birds were chirping, the bees were singing, and President Bill Clinton was having yet another press conference. The topic on this October day was about our forign relations with Japan with the Japanese ambassador and the Secretary Of State Madeline Albright looking on as the President once again uttered the line that made him a household word.

"I did not have relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky," said the President, the former govenor of
Arkansas as his eyes glanced into space, while the ambassador and the Secretary Of State rolled their eyes in disgust. At once, reporters were at their fettt. One reporter shouted,  "Mr. President, we disctintly heard you say that you DID have relations with Miss Lewinsky."

"Well, Mr. Donaldson," answered Bill, "there is a humble and logical explanation for why i have said what i have said." Tears began to accumulate in Bill's eyes as he again glanced into space. "I suffer from what is known as MPD, or Multiple Personality Disorder." the reporters began talking  at once as the ambassador and the Secretary Of state again rolled their eyes in disgust and started talking amongst themselves. "You see," said the President, "this all started back several years ago, right after my marrage to Hillary, as a matter of fact," he said as he gave an innocent look to reporters, "it started with just meaningful glances at other women, and before i knew it, people told me that i was hittin' on 'um like crazy!" Bill then bowed his head, as in shame, and said, "but then it was just... well, i don't know if i can talk about it."

At once, the reporters started firing questions one after the other. "Did you have a psychiatrist report?" asked one. "Who was the doctor who diagnosed this?" asked another, and  "Are you
telling the truth?" asked another one.

Just then, a voice shouted from the background, "I assure you that everything that he is telling you is the truth!" That voice was the first lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton, who then appeared on stage from the background, saying "My husband would not tell a lie!" Bill then gave his wife a look of relief and then turned to the reporters and gave them a look of confidence and satisfaction, while the ambassador and the Secretary Of State gave a look of shock to it's audience. "Well, thank you all for coming today," the President said as he pointed to his press secretary, Mike Mccurry, who had been hiding behind a curtain onstage, "and if their is any more questions, my press secretary will be glad to answer them for you."

The group then walked offstage, with Bill and Hillary looking like the happy couple that they portrayed in public, but backstage was a completley different story. "Thanks for sticking up for me AGAIN, honey," Bill said as marched into the Oval Office, with security and all. "Bill, really! Multiple Personality Disorder?" Hillary asked as she followed from behind.

"Now, Hil...,"  assured the President as he went to hug the first Lady, "you know that i would never really do something like that to you, now don't you?"

Hillary then backed up as she said, "Well, there was  that bachelor party back in 1978, and that stag party in 1979, the GOP nomination party in 92, the election party, the after election party, the..." she said as she went on.

"Ah yes," said the  President as he thought to himself, "I remember those QUITE well!"

Right at that moment, Bill's secretary Betty Curry entered the office, saying that there was a phone call for Bill on the main line. right as Bill started to go to the phone, Hillary rushed over to the desk and picked up the reciever, "Hello!" Silence was haerd on the other end.

"Hello!" the First Lady again asked, only to be answered with complete silence. "Look," she said, "who is this?" All she heard was a big raspberry that was blown over the reciever end, after which the  caller hung up. Hillary slammed down the phone. "That was HER, wasn't it?" she angrily asked.

A chuckiling Bill, who had heard everything from where he was standing, replied, "I dunno...  maybe, maybe not."

But a seething Hillary was not about to drop this subject. "Answer me, Bill! For everything that has been going on the past couple of months, you can at least answer me this one question!"

Bill then managed to fake a serious look, knowing what  she was about to ask, and say, "Sure.".

Hillary then asked, "Do you, or do you not know this woman?"

"I told you honey," Bill said, "I have never met this Monica Lewinsky woman!"

Hillary seemed to be satisfied, saying a solemn "Good!" as she hugged Bill.

Bill then broke off the hug and started walking over to his office closet. "Honey, for what you have been through the past couple of months, I thought I'd buy you a little present to kind of let
you know what i think about you."

At first, Hillary showed a look of overjoyment as she went to open the package that Bill pulled out of the closet. "A present? For me?" she asked.

"Just for you!" he said.

Hillary then opened the package with a look of confusion. But that look of confusion turned into a look of anger as she pulled out what was in the box: a red beret!

Bill looked at Hillary and smiled.



beckhansen22@juno.com