Title: Conflicted

By lt_cate_pike

Email: p-angel@gmx.de

Disclaimer: Don't own them. I don't own much of anything else either. So don't sue. This is merely for entertainment.

Rating: R for language.

Spoilers: eps 19 through 21. (dead man talking(?) through split decision)

warnings: AU

Note: Response to Juli's AU split decision challenge, in which Tony wasn't in the loop about the dirty agent. This starts right at the end of the ep.



Conflicted
By lt_cate_pike

Tony stared at Cait. Could she really be such a bitch? Yes. There really wasn't anything he wanted to say to her so he just turned around and left.

/Great. Gibbs./

Really the last person he wanted to see right now. Almost running him over was a bit childish but it felt good. He impatiently waited for the elevator to come up to their floor.

"He's conflicted." he heard Cait said to Gibbs.

/Damn right I am/ but it wasn't Cait or Voss he was conflicted about.

He discovered about a week ago that Cait was a lot easier to be around if you just ignored her comments. They were co-workers, she didn't know where the line was, end of story. He had known lots of people like that. Voss was a bit more complicated. Yes he had felt violated.

But really. If he thought he was a woman and he looked like a woman then he really was one in Tony's books. Well would have been in a few weeks. But it wasn't like Tony had never kissed a guy before. He just wanted to know about it. 's all. Bygones.

The elevator door finally opened and he stepped inside, letting out a shaky breath once the doors had closed. If he wasn't so happy Gibbs was still alive he would have killed him right after he found out he wasn't dead. Images of Gibbs, lifeless and bloody on the floor, flashed before his eyes again. Tony wanted to throw up. Again. The very first thing he had done as soon as they had come back to the office was rush to bathroom and empty his stomach. /God. How could he.../ this really wasn't the place for a breakdown. Tony shut down any thoughts on the subject and drove home as fast as he could.

At home he didn't even bother to turn on the lights but went directly for the bottle of JD. He poured a glass, sat down on the couch and held the cool glass to his forehead. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to ban the unwanted pictures from his mind again. His hand shook as he set the untouched glass down on the coffee table. He had really thought Gibbs was dead. At that moment he had wanted to die, too. He still felt like his chest was buried under a ton bricks when he thought back to the moment he'd seen Gibbs lying there. He still had to remind himself to breathe.

And then he found out it wasn't real. His first impulse had been to rush over to him, hold him, kiss him - assuring himself physically that he was really still alive. And he had almost done that. But then the realization had hit that once again Gibbs hadn't trusted him. That Gibbs generally didn't trust him. There were moments, when the two of them were so close that Tony could almost see his dreams of being with the older man come true and then something like this happened. He was seriously considering quitting.

Tony picked up his glass again and started pacing the room. Things like today were exactly what made getting up to go to work day after day a living hell. It wasn't the stupid rules about not dating a coworker, the endless teasing, or the part where he secretly lusted after his Boss without any chance of those dreams becoming reality. He could have dealt with that. But Gibbs' disregard, dismissal was what got to him.

/DAMNIT! We've worked together for more than two _fucking_ years and that bastard still doesn't trust me./

He stopped his pacing and closed his eyes again as pictures of Gibbs flashing him one of his rare smiles that made thousands of butterflies flutter in Tony's stomach raced through his mind, mixed with pictures of Gibbs bloody and shot.

In frustration he threw his glass against the wall, watching the glass shatter and the liquor seep down the wallpaper.

He whirled around when he heard somebody pound on the door.

"DINOZZO! Open the god damn door."

Tony knew that tone of voice. If he didn't open the door in about 5 seconds, Gibbs would burst it open. He quickly went over there and threw it open.

"What the fuck do you want Gibbs?" Tony barked.

A concerned frown appeared on Gibbs' forehead. "Everything okay?"

"Yes." Normally Tony would have been ecstatic over Gibbs unusual display of concern, but right now he was far too angry and troubled.

He wanted nothing more than to shut the door and go back to wallowing in his pain and misery and basking in his anger.

"Why didn't you answer the door?" Gibbs demanded.

"I didn't hear you knock."

"What was that crash?"

"I broke a glass. Are you finished with your interrogation? I want to go to bed."

Tony stared to close the door, but Gibbs held his arm out, keeping it open. "Not quite."

"What do you want, Boss?" Tony asked tiredly. Gibbs was in stubborn mode. The sooner he got what he wanted the sooner Tony would be alone again.

"Mind if I come in?"

"Is a yes gonna stop you?" Tony turned and walked back into the living room.

Gibbs had to hide a grin at Tony's wisecrack. It disappeared when he saw the stain on the wall and what was left of the glass. He could kick himself for not talking to Tony sooner. Something was definitely up if he had lost his temper like that. Looking at him, Gibbs also realized that Tony seemed to have lost the 'shine' that always surrounded him. No matter how beaten up, pissed off or troubled the younger man was sometimes, he always seemed to shine, a glow radiating from within.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "You _broke_ a glass?"

"I didn't say how." Tony leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "What's this about Gibbs?"

"Is there anything going on I should be aware of?"

/Shit. Did he notice me staring at him?/ Tony decided to play it cool and asked, "Define 'going on'."

"You and Cait seem to be fighting a lot lately."

/Didn't see that coming./ "Things have been… tense for a while." Tony admitted.

"Why?"

"Ah. Nothing specific."

"Well, work it out! We can't do our job like that. Either you settle things or one of you will have to be assigned to another team."

/And who would that be, eh? The screw-up you can't trust or your new pet?/ "it won't come to that. In fact. I was going to give you my resignation tomorrow and clear out my desk first thing." Enough was enough. Gibbs didn't even want him on the team anymore! Fine. Tony could take a hint. Right now, not seeing Gibbs anymore everyday seemed better than the constant stabs to his heart.

"WHAT?" Gibbs head whipped up. He had meant that as a wake up call. He didn't really want any of them to leave. And sure as hell not Tony.

"I said I'm quitting," Tony repeated.

"Why? What the fuck is going on between the two of you? What is so bad that you won't even try to work it out?"

"This isn't about Cait. Sure she's a real…." Tony was looking for a word that would describe his view of her accurately without pissing off his mentor even more.

"…bitch?" Gibbs supplied.

"Your words not mine." Tony gave him a small smile, which Gibbs returned.

"Yeah. I noticed. And I already had a talk with her about that before I came over here. So if this isn't about Caitlyn, then what is your problem?" Gibbs was at a total loss. He thought he knew Tony. He had memorized every facial expression, every look, every dimple and line on his face a long time ago. Most of the time, he could even predict exactly what comment he would make. But somewhere along the line he had lost touch with his partner in the past few weeks. He barely recognized that expression on his face right now. Tony had changed.

And he had been too busy trying to find that son-of-a-bitch-terrorist to notice. He'd add that to the list of reasons to shoot the damn bastard when he found him. And find him he would, if it was the last thing he did. But right now he'd have to let go of that. Tony obviously needed him. Gibbs looked at him expectantly, still waiting for an answer to his question.

Tony held his gaze. How could somebody that smart be so dense? "You really have no clue."

Gibbs shot him a confused look. "I…"

"This is about you Gibbs. About us. You clearly don't trust me. You don't even want me on the team anymore! So I really don't see any reason for me to stay," Tony exploded and started pacing. Gibbs tried to interrupt him to tell him he was wrong. But Tony was too far gone to notice; he just kept on ranting. At this point Gibbs could have left the room and Tony would have noticed. He was venting all his frustration and anger, hurling a few choice words at his boss, letting everything that had been bothering him for the past few weeks out in one long rush.

Tony was talking so fast Gibbs found it difficult to keep track of what Tony was saying and his own racing thoughts at the same time. But the gist was that he had treated Tony like crap – or at least that were the signals the younger man had been receiving. He was angry and frustrated, felt hurt and betrayed. And he was fed up. Today had been about the last straw. Unknowingly he had sent the other man on an emotional roller coaster for the past few weeks. First he'd been so focused on controlling his feelings and then he had solely concentrated on finding the terrorist that he wasn't even aware that he had basically cut Tony completely out of his life. To the point where Tony thought he hated him.

He simply preferred to pull stunts like tonight on his own. The fewer people knew about it the better.

Gibbs saw that that he had a few things he needed to set straight.

"Dinozzo!"

Tony was still ranting and didn't acknowledge him.

"TONY!"

Tony whirled around to faze Gibbs, eyes still blazing. "What?!"

"Shut up."

He was about to give him another earful but shut his mouth when he saw the warning look in Gibbs' eyes.

"I was wrong about not keeping you in the loop. I'm sorry."

Did his ears deceive him? Was Gibbs actually apologizing for the way he handled things? Tony remained silent, cautiously watching him, waiting for the other show to drop.

"And I _do_ trust you. I'm sorry if I gave you a different impression." Gibbs studied his eyes. Did he get through? He thought he saw a shimmer of acceptance in the other man's eyes when Dinozzo turned around and walked over to the window. He stood there for a little while, gazing out into the night; his arms were wrapped tightly around his torso. Gibbs decided to give him some time to think it over. Words weren't his strong suit. He prayed that Tony knew him well enough to understand that he had meant it, so finally get it into his had that he valued him.

"I really thought you were dead, Jethro." Tony's voice was barely above a whisper, but the sentiment behind the words came across loud and clear nevertheless.

Gibb's heart skipped a beat at the use of his first name. The statement and the emotions behind it made it skip another beat. He had had no idea he held that kind of power over Dinozzo. He'd never even have dreamed that his 'death' would affect him that deeply. Sure, somewhere deep down he'd maybe hoped that Tony cared as much about him as he did for him, but he'd never… Tony was so… *straight*. Well there were always gray areas around the edges… But that Tony actually returned his feelings? Not in a million years.

Tony seemed so lost and scared he decided to forget about his own rules for the moment and give Tony a little physical assurance that he was okay, and that he cared about him, too.

He walked up behind him and turned him around. "But I'm still here, Tony."

"I know it's just that…" He was cut off by the sensation of Gibbs' lips on his own. Shocked, he was frozen in place at first. But when Gibbs brought his hands up to cup his neck and deepen the kiss he relaxed and moved into him. He let his arms hang loosely by his side.

He really wasn't sure what was exactly was going on or if he was allowed to touch Gibbs. With Gibbs there always were rules, but there definitely were no rules for this. However, he couldn't stop himself from moving as close to Gibbs as possible.

A low moan escaped him when Gibbs' tongue slipped inside his mouth and slid against his own. Gibbs tasted exactly like he had imagined, and yet so much better.

The kissed was brief but time seemed to have slowed down. One could easily get addicted to kisses like that. Gibbs pulled away with some effort. He had to concentrate to breathe normally. Tony moved with him a bit, following the warmth; he didn't want the kiss to end. But Gibbs took a full step back.

He waited for Tony to open his eyes again and then held his gaze, momentarily letting the walls he had built around himself crumble.

Without breaking the eye contact he walked backwards towards the door.

"Work things out with Cait. I want you at your desk at 0800 tomorrow as usual. And I never want to hear anything about quitting from you again." Gibbs reached behind him and opened the door. "Is that understood?"

Tony slowly came out of the kiss-induced stupor and gave him the first real smile of the night. "Yes, Boss."

He needed to leave before he did something stupid. Like kissing Tony again. "Good. See you tomorrow," Gibbs said before closing the door behind him.



[The End]


Wow. I actually finished this. First one I've finished in a very long time. First finished slash fic ever. Evil evil bunny. It's 4:20… AM. and I have to get up at 8. damn. But at least the bunny is gone. So what do you think?