Philo's Soft Corner
: Is Kai Gay?Betašs Note/Warning
: Please do NOT take the Bobs seriously in ANY way. This is all meant in good fun. If you feel, for some inexplicable reason, you must take offense, PLEASE! I BEG YOU! DO NOT flame Valdron. His retaliatory strikes tend to leave bloody body parts strewn across the internet landscape...
Summary: None.
Is Kai Gay?
By Valdron
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Welcome, I say welcome you all, to Philo's softer corner, located in Philo's General store, and I am Jim Bob Turok.
I am Billy Bob Truculent, sitting here on the padded cushions.
And I am Bob Bob Roberts.
Brothers, we is gathered here to discuss the right honourable J Bob Brun's alleghenhy nation charge that the LEXX character Kai is homer-sexual. Bob Bob, whats do you say.
I say I have never watched the Simpsons and so I will draw no conclusions. But I do note that there was an episode when Kai's eyes were all yellow, and this is a known skin colour for that cartoon.
....
Well... thank you for your contribution, Bob Bob.
It is my pleasure, Jim Bob.
I wish we could say the same. Billy Bob, whut do you think. Is the man in black light in the loafers? Does he take too many baths? Is he, at heart, an interrorist decorativeator?
Well, Billy Bob, I notice that he walks kind of funny. He walks just like my cousin, Stevey Bob did after he wandered into that Bar in New Orleans and asked for a stiff one.
Hmmm, I notice you go to New Orleans a lot, Billy Bob.
I am just going to memorize which bars I should not be going into.
I see. How is that going?
I forget.
Hmmm, it seems to me that Kai walks a lot like that chinee feller who
dropped in Redneck Bob Gritz a few years back.
The one that the Bob Katz brothers picked that fight with.
That is the one. Was he inclined that way you think?
I don't rightly remember asking, as I recall we wuz screaming for mercy because of his kung bob fu.
Jim Bob?
Yes, Bob Bob.
Whilst I was on the subject of eyes, I could not help but noticing you got the sweetest blue eyes I ever did see.
.... uh thank you Bob Bob.
Why, with eyes like that, if you wuz a woman, and by that I mean the finest example of southron womanhoodism, I would be parking my car in your garage.
Uh... back to the subject! Kai, is he a roto-dactyl or what? Jim Bob?
Well, there is his fancy way of dressing, it puts me in minds of Mormon-textuals.
But he is basically wearing black. Johny Cash wears black. Are you calling Johny Cash a Hobo-tractual.
Ah see your point and I withdraw my comment, Jim Bob.
Brothers, I is it really our business to discuss whether any man is a mite too fond of his fellow man! Isn't that really the business of the fonder and the fondee?
You make a good point, Bob Bob. But what about the fondue?
Thats what I say. If a man wants to be Hyper-Textual, is should be between him and Bill Gates.
You mean God?
Okay, between God and Bill Gates.
No, I mean between him and God.
Who?
Him, the hyper textual, I am thinking that God should be entering into it.
Now hold on Jim Bob, are you saying that God is a Hemo-Globule? Are you suggesting that the Maker, hisself, who we all know is a good ole boy of the first order, the original bush burner himself... is into putting planting his flag where the sun don't shine?
Genelmen! I think we are getting afield here. The subject is where Kai
hides his salami, or to be perfectly blunt, if he is engaged in hiding salami not his own.
That is indeed the point, because a salami is a sacred thing, and while
you should not be plopping it on the counter, you gots to be careful where you be hiding it.
Or who is hiding it for you.
That is the perfect truth, Billy Bob.
So... is Kai gay or what?
Hey?
What, Billy Bob.
Hisn't he daid?
That he is, Jim Bob, he is as dead as a norwegian blue parrot in an alley cat revival. He is as dead as Whoopi Goldberg's career.
Well, isn't this speaking ill of the dead?
....
....
That it is, Bob Bob. It seems to me that we has been asking the wrong question.
That is something I can drink too.
From Philo's Soft Corner, this is Jim Bob, Bob Bob and Billy Bob saying, have you a nice day.
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END