Title: The Right Target

Author: Python

Fandom: Law & Order

Pairing: Briscoe/Green

Series: In the same universe as Under Pressure, the Family Strife Trilogy, This Is Good, and An Anniversary Plea, which can be found at my website. 3rd part in the Can't Live with 'Em, Can't Kill 'Em Trilogy, following The Ex-Wife and The Excuse.

Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me. This is just for fun. Please don't sue me.

any feedback is appreciated, in fact, I'm begging for it.

The Right Target
by Python

The two spent the entire car ride home in silence. Lennie's felt Ed's growing frustration. It seemed to be coming off the younger man in waves.

The retired detective hoped that his lover's good humor would be restored as they got closer to New York, but it just seemed to get worse. He didn't press the issue. Ed would talk to him when ready.

Ed knew that Lennie was concerned about him, but he couldn't talk yet. He was much too angry. His experiences of that whole week were threatening to push him over the edge. First, there was Mark's threat to call off the wedding to Maggie if he came. That he could deal with. He gave Mark the right to decide who could attend the wedding, even though Mark's attitude still grated on his nerves. Second, that stupid deputy arrested him for just standing outside a store. He could tell from the officer's eyes that the only reason he was even suspected was because he was black.

When they finally got home, it was dark. After dropping their bags in the bedroom, Lennie asked, "You want to order a pizza?"

"I'm not very hungry right now," Ed answered.

"Me neither."

The apartment got quiet. Neither man really felt like talking. Finally Lennie said, "I'm tired. It's been a long day. Good night."

"Night," Ed responded. His lover's gaze hovered over him for a couple more seconds before Lennie disappeared He sighed in frustration with himself and stood up to follow the older man. He watched Lennie begin to undress and finally spoke. "It's not right Lennie."

"I know."

"And they're just going to get away with it," Ed stated in frustration.

"What do you suggest we do to them, Ed?"

Ed didn't have an answer. He couldn't do anything to Mark and the patrolman could say that he'd just been overeager and arrested Ed by mistake. Instead of answering Lennie's question, the younger man asked one of his own. "Lennie, what's going to happen to the next black person who
goes up to Middlewood?"

Lennie sighed. He didn't have a response.

Ed stared at Lennie and focused on his lover's light skin. He shook his head. "Never mind. You don't understand."

"Ed..."

"No. I don't want to talk about this any more."

Lennie wished he could say something to make Ed feel better. His lover's gaze shifted to the floor. He tried to touch the other man, but Ed pulled away. He sighed again and crawled into bed. A little while later, he felt the younger man lay in bed, but stay away from him.

The next few days, the two talked to each other less and less. Lennie saw Ed drawing away from Ed, but whenever he tried talking, the younger man left the room. He didn't know what to do. Ed was shutting him out. His lover hadn't touched him in over a week. Before Middlewood, that never happened.

But the physical isolation he was feeling was nothing compared to the emotional emptiness. When he tried to bring it up, Ed cut him off.

"Look, I've got a lot to deal with right now. I'm sorry that your buck can't satisfy you right now," Ed said, loading the statement with as much scorn as he could.

Can he really believe that's how I see him, Lennie thought. He saw the challenge in the younger man's eyes and knew Ed wouldn't believe him if he contradicted the statement. The older man wasn't going to fight. That would just make the situation worse. Instead, he got up and grabbed his pillow and one of the covers off the bed.

"Where are you going?" Ed asked.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch," Lennie answered. "I"m not sleeping with someone who doesn't want me around."

Part of Ed told him to stop his lover and hold Lennie close, but he wouldn't do it. His pride wouldn't let him. He was still mad at the world and wouldn't admit that he felt guilty because he'd briefly been angry at Lennie for being white. Then he'd be as bad as Mark. "Fine."

Ed felt sick inside when he woke up the next morning alone. The first thing he did was go into the living room. He found Lennie still asleep on the couch. He crouched down next to the older man. Then he reached out to touch his lover, but pulled his hand away before making contact.

Lennie continued to sleep on the couch. Ed went back to work and he was usually awake when the younger man left, but pretended not to be. A couple times, he felt Ed close to him but his...he didn't know if he could keep calling Ed his lover...never touched him. Their relationship was changing, but not for the better. "Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"What's happening to us?" Lennie asked, hoping Ed could help him understand what the younger man was thinking.

Ed couldn't look at Lennie's face. "I don't know," he muttered.

Bullshit, the older man thought. "How can we fix this?"

"I don't know if we can."

Lennie couldn't accept that. He was surprised that Ed could. Ed was the one who'd always had constant faith in their relationship. "Ed..."

"Lennie, you don't understand."

"How can I when you won't talk to me?" the older man retorted. "I may not be able to experience what you're going through, but I can try to understand."

Ed's temper caught fire when he found himself responding to Lennie's words. He wanted to blame his lover for what he himself was doing to their relationship. "You have no idea what it was like for me up there, all those people being suspicious of me because I'm black."

"I never wanted you to through that. I wanted to go home."

"I didn't want to deprive you of going to a white's only party," Ed stated venomously. "Maybe Mark's not the first racist that Maggie's been attracted to."

"Ed, how can you..."

"Maybe you get off on telling your white friends how you made a nigger fall for you. Can a white man really love a nigger?"

Lennie blinked. He felt like he was being torn from the inside out. He couldn't see how Ed could say that. He didn't have any response and clenched his fists as the pain seared through him.

Ed wanted Lennie to yell at him. He wanted his anger justified.

Without a word, the older man turned on his heel and marched out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. When he got outside, Lennie leaned against the building and realized that his hands were shaking. Calm Lennie, he told himself.

Lennie began walking. He had no idea where he was going and stopped in front of a bar. He wanted a drink so badly, that he could taste it. He craved the comforting burn of vodka running down his throat. With the burning would come numbness for his anguish.

You can't do this, a voice in the older man's head stated, you wrestled too long with this addiction to give into it. He remembered the last time it beat him. Claire Kincaid ended up dead.

Lennie turned away from the bar and went to Grady's place. His last partner told him to come by if he ever needed anything.

Grady opened his door and saw his ex-partner, who looked like he was going to fall apart. "Lennie, are you ok?"

"Do you mind if I come in?"

"Not at all," Grady responded and stepped out of the way. When Lennie was inside, he asked, "What happened to you?"

Lennie collapsed onto the couch and the other man sat next to him. He sighed and told Grady everything. "I think he's mad at me for being white and there's nothing I can do about it."

Grady was speechless. Lennie and Ed had always been so good together. He'd admired their relationship because there was always so much lover and support.

"What am I going to do, Grady?"

"You're going to sleep here tonight. We'll figure out the rest later."

Ed couldn't get Lennie's face out of his head. The older man had looked like someone had twisted a knife in his gut. Ed was responsible for that. He deserved it, the younger man tried to convince himself.

Suddenly, Ed felt dirty. He hopped in the shower and rested his head against the tile as the water cascaded over him. He let his mind wander. He smiled when he began remembering that first night in Middlewood. That night, he'd made love to Lennie when he was dripping wet after a shower. He knew that the sight of him wet always turned Lennie on.

Ed could still feel the way the older man had writhed beneath him and cried out for him. He began stroking his cock as the rest of the memory played out in his head. Then he pretended that Lennie was with him, stroking him, and he exploded into his hand. When he became fully aware of his
surroundings again, he almost cried.

Denise came by a little while later after Ed called her. He'd sounded terrible on the phone, like he was barely keeping it together.

"Hi, mom," Ed said, opening the door to let her in.

Denise hobbled in slowly, with the aid of her cane. She pushed Ed away when he tried to help her. "I'm not an invalid." She sat on the couch and looked into his face. "What happened to you?"

"Is it that obvious?" Ed asked, trying to avoid the issue.

Denise noticed that her son's lover wasn't there. "Where's Lennie?"

"I don't know."

"Sit down and tell me what happened," Ed's mother ordered. She listened intently as Ed recapped the events, starting from his first day in Middlewood. When he was done, she sat back and rubbed her chin. "Why Ed?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you make Lennie the bad guy? From what you say, he bent over backwards to make things comfortable for you."

"I...I," Ed faltered. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do," Denise replied. She saw Ed become stone-faced. He was going to be as stubborn as his father. She sighed in exasperation. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"If you'd be so kind," Ed said sarcastically.

"You couldn't do anything to the jerks you encountered in Middlewood, but still wanted to hurt someone white. You wanted someone with light skin to feel as bad as you and Lennie was an easy target. You know exactly how to hurt him and now you're mad at yourself for letting your righteous anger loose on your lover."

Ed didn't want to believe it, but Denise was right. Hearing her put his feelings into words didn't allow him to deny them anymore. It was tough to accept. He thought he'd developed a thicker skin than that. Middlewood wasn't the first or the worst place that he'd encountered racism. He'd have to be careful about how he reacted in the future. "I'm so stupid."

"No, you just lost sight of what's important," Denise replied. She could see that Ed was exhausted and made him to go bed. On her way out, the phone rang and she picked it up before it could wake her son. "Hello?"

"Is Ed there?"

"No, but this is his mother. Can I take a message?"

"Denise?"

"Yes, who's this?" Denise asked.

"I'm Grady. Lennie's last partner."

"Oh, yes."

"I just called to let you know that Lennie's crashing here for the night. I know he and Ed are having problems, but I didn't want anyone to worry," Grady said.

"Is he ok?"

"No," Grady answered. "I've never seen him like this."

"Damn."

Ed spent the next couple days wallowing in his own guilt. He was afraid to go see Lennie. It took a well-placed push from Denise to get him moving. "Go Ed. You're not going to feel any better until you see him," she stated.

Ed looked for Lennie at Grady's apartment first. When the other man opened the door, he said, "I need to talk to Lennie."

"He's not here," Grady stated.

"Where is he?"

"A hotel."

"What hotel?" Ed pressed.

"I don't know if I should tell you."

"Please."

"Haven't you done enough?"

"Grady, I'm truly sorry for what I've put him through. I want the opportunity to make it right. Please, tell me where Lennie is," Ed pleaded.

Grady saw the sincerity in Ed's eyes. "All right, but you'd better not make me regret this."

Lennie wasn't in the mood for visitors but answered the door anyway. He tried to immediately close it again when he saw Ed.

Ed blocked the door with his foot. "Wait."

"What do you want Ed?" Lennie asked with a sigh of anger.

"To apologize."

"Fine. You're sorry. Bye."

Ed pushed into the room, pulling the door shut behind him. "I'm serious. I really am sorry."

"Is that supposed to make it all better?" Lennie responded, crossing his arms.

"No, but it's supposed to help us move past this."

"Do you think that's really possible Ed? After all, it was you who said that I'd never to able to understand you and that we wouldn't be able to fix our relationship."

"Lennie..."

It was the older man's turn to cut Ed off. "Don't you get it?" Lennie snapped. "I love you with everything I have and you can doubt it because I'm white." He paused to let his words sink in. "Maybe we don't know each other as well as we thought. I never thought you could doubt my feelings. You always said that my age never mattered to you. Well, your color never mattered to me."

"I didn't mean any of those things that I said. I never doubted you," Ed said with quiet conviction. Please believe me, he thought.

"It sure sounded like you did."

"Lennie, I was upset with myself because I found myself getting mad at you when I couldn't do anything to those other guys. I was angry at myself, but wanted to blame you. I was wrong," Ed stated. His voice softened even further. "I miss you."

Lennie believed the younger man, but that didn't solve their problem.

"That may be, but what about the next time we run into a racially charged situation. What's going to keep the same thing from happening? I couldn't take it again." He turned his back on the other man in frustration with his own weakness. He'd had relationships break up before, but he was too tired to crawl out of the hole from another one.

Ed stepped up behind Lennie. He hated himself for what he was putting the older man through. He ached to put his arms around Lennie to try and comfort the other man, but he kept his hands to himself. Lennie might not want his touch. "It wouldn't happen again."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because this time, I let myself lose sight of what's important. I'll never do that again." Ed paused. He felt a lump in his throat. "And don't you do it either."

Lennie turned to face Ed. There were tears glistening in his eyes. He couldn't let go of his hurt. "Do you have any idea what you put me through?"

Ed tried to communicate his feelings in touch. He needed Lennie to know how much the older man meant to him. He brought his hand up to the other man's face.

Lennie shut his eyes as Ed lightly caressed his cheek. He felt the familiar want, pull, and love from the younger man. His breath caught when Ed leaned in to softly kiss him.

Ed felt the older man's uncertainty. Let go, his mind pleaded. Then the other man's mouth opened completely for him and Lennie's body became more pliable in his arms. When the kiss ended, he stared into Lennie's blue eyes.

"I never want to lose you."

Lennie smiled. "Are you sure you still want the old, white guy?" he asked lightly.

Ed responded by kissing his lover again, this time with more heat and passion. "Since, you've paid for this room, we might as well use it." Then he remembered his fantasy from the shower. "Are you up to something a little different?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"You and me in the shower and then in the bed," Ed replied and ran his tongue along the older man's neck.

Lennie fought back the moans rising in his throat. He momentarily marveled at the fact that Ed could still make him feel that way, even after almost six years. Their relationship had cooled off some, but when Ed was kissing him that was easy to forget. "Ok. I'm always up for new things."

"I love you, Lennie."

"I love you to, Ed."

THE END