Title: By Mistake.
Author: Roni.
E-mail: roni78@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, Gunny, Brumby, the admiral and every other familiar characters don’t belong to me (although I do wish I could have Harm…). They belong to Don P. Bellisario and CBS. Please don’t sue… this is just for fun and I promise to take really good care of them.
Rating: PG.
Spoilers: Boomerang episodes.
BY MISTAKE
By Roni
0755 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac shook the remaining flakes of snow from her cover as she walked through the bullpen to her office. It’s been a week now since they got back from Australia, and it seemed like the longest week in her life. Not only did she have to get used to the cold again, but she couldn’t stop thinking. And what she was thinking about kept her up almost all night since she got back.
She looked at her right hand when she took of her cover in her office and hung it up. Than she looked in the direction of his office. He was already there, sitting at his desk. But instead of concentrating on his work he was staring at her. She smiled at him and mouthed ‘Good morning’. He smiled weakly at her, not his famous fly-boy grin that she loved but a small one, and turned his attention to the files on his desk.
She sighed and sat to her own desk. She pulled one of the files she was working on at home from her briefcase and tried to concentrate on it. She couldn’t do it. For the same reason she couldn’t do it last night, at home. Every time she tried to think of something else, her mind wondered back to that conversation. Every little thing that she heard or saw reminded her of his words, the way he looked, the look on his face, and in his eyes…She closed her eyes and let her mind take her back again.
***
He took his eyes from her and looked up at the bridge they were going under. “You know they wrote eternity on this bridge in lights on New Years Eve.”
She looked at him for a few seconds. “Is that how long we’re gonna wait?”
“Mac…”
“We’re not in Washington. We’re not even on the same continent.”
“Location doesn’t change who we are.”
“Most men will disagree with you.”
“I know.” He answered her. “I disagree with me sometimes too.”
“But you still can’t let go.” She almost whispered.
“Not yet.”
She looked at him closely, at the look on his face. “You’re just this way with me, aren’t ya?”
“Yeah.” He answered her softly. “Only with you.”
She looked down for a minute before continuing. “I suppose I should be flattered.”
“You should Sarah.”
***
She could remember every word, every look. It was like that conversation was burned to her mind and she couldn’t erase it. She looked at the ring on her right hand. She couldn’t even recall what Mic had said when he gave it to her. It was as though nothing else was worth remembering from this trip, except for what happened between her and Harm.
She felt trapped. On one side, she had this ring on her finger from someone that she cared about but didn’t really love. On the other side, the one thing that she was certain that she wanted might never happen. She knew that it was Harm’s way of asking her for time, but she didn’t know if she was able, or even willing, to wait.
She shook herself and decided that she at least can’t let it affect her work. So she got up and closed her door and her blinds. Than she sat back to her desk, to the ring off her finger and put it in her purse. This way she wouldn’t have to think of either one of them. She opened the file again, grabbed her pen, and went to work.
0855 EST,br> JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm was sitting at his desk, trying to work. Actually, the truth was that he had spent the last hour staring at a plain white envelope that sat infront of him on his desk. It had only one word on it – Mac. He had no idea why he had brought it to the office, or why he had even taken it out of his briefcase. And now he stared at it and thought about the letter that was inside it.
He started writing it a week ago, on the plane back from Australia. After he didn’t take the admiral’s advice about looking back, and he saw her kissing him, he felt that he had to let everything he felt out or else he would explode. But he didn’t really have anyone to talk to, so he just took a piece of paper from his briefcase and started writing.
He knew than that he could never give it to her, but this morning on his way out he felt brave. He was still confident in himself when he got to work and stepped in his office. But than she came in. he watched her going through the bullpen and entering her office. With every second that passed his confidence started to fade. And than it disappeared completely when he saw her looking at her ring. And ever since than he was just staring at the envelope.
Finally he reminded himself that he had to go to work. So he reached out and hid the envelope under some papers so he wouldn’t have to see it. Than he grabbed his first case file and started reading.
1210 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm shot his head up from the file he was reading when he heard the knock on his door. “Enter.” He called.
“Excuse me Sir, but I was wondering if you would like to go to lunch?” Lt. Bud Roberts asked as he was entering the room. “Harriet decided that she needed some girl talk with the Colonel, so I’m pretty much by myself.”
Harm thought for a minute. He had been buried in his work since he decided to forget about the letter, and he was getting hungry…
“Sure Bud.” He answered the younger officer. “Just give me a minute to finish reading this.”
“No problem Sir.” Bud answered. “I’ll be at my desk. Just tell me when you’re ready.”
And with that he left the office. Harm looked back at the file and continued reading. He didn’t really had much left, just a couple of sentences more. He was done in two minutes. He sat up at his desk and organized his files a little before he got up and took his cover.
As he left his office to get Bud he almost ran into Gunny.
“Excuse me Sir, but I was just on my way to ask you if you have finished with the Stone and Evans files. The admiral needs them.”
“Sure Gunny.” Harm said as he continued on his way to Bud. “They’re on my desk.”
Gunny nodded and continued to Harm’s office. He found the files in a pile on the corner of his desk, ready to be picked up. After he got them he went straight to the admiral’s office.
He knocked on the door before he entered and waited for the admiral’s response.
“Come in.” The admiral said and Gunny stepped inside.
“Here are the files that wanted from Commander Rabb, Sir.” He handed the case files to the admiral.
“Thank you Gunny.” The admiral said as he reached fro the files the Gunny was handing to him. “Dismissed.”
As the Gunny turned around and crossed the room to the door the admiral spotted the plain white envelope between the files. He picked it up and saw Mac’s name on it.
“Gunny.” He said just as the Gunny was about to leave. “I believe that this is addressed to Colonel MacKenzie.” He handed him the envelope. “Please make sure that she gets it.”
“Aye aye Sir.” Gunny said as he took the envelope from the admiral’s hand and left the room. He went straight to Mac’s office, and when he saw that she was out for lunch, he placed the envelope on her desk.
1730 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac was getting ready to leave. She had gotten a lot of work done today, once she was able to concentrate on her work, but she still had some cases that she needed to review. She decided to take it home instead of risking getting stuck at the office in this weather.
She gathered all the files on her desk to put in her briefcase, when she spotted the envelope. It was a plain white envelope with her name on it. In Harm’s hand writing. She looked up in the direction of his office. The lights were on but he wasn’t there and she couldn’t see him anywhere.
‘He probably forgot to turn the light off.’ She thought to herself as she put the envelope in her briefcase along with the files. ‘I’ll talk to him tomorrow.’
She took her cover and her briefcase, turned off the lights, and headed to the elevators.
***
Harm was on his way back to his office from the admiral, when he noticed that the lights were off in Mac’s office. The first thought that came to his mind was ‘She didn’t say goodbye.’ But than again, they didn’t get to talk much today. Or every day since they got back from Australia.
He shook himself mentally as he entered his office. He was finally done with his paper work, and all he wanted to do right now was go home. He was about to leave his office, with his briefcase and his cover in his hands, when he remembered something. The letter. It was on his desk this morning, but now there was nothing there. He put his things down and did a more thorough search of his desk. Still nothing.
“Oh my God.” He mumbled to himself. ‘What if someone read it? What if she read it?’ He didn’t know what to do. Than he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. ‘It probably got inside one of the files I’m taking home.’ He told himself as he picked up his things to go out. “In any case, it’s not here so there is no reason to stay. I’ll look for it at home.
With that in mind he headed for the elevators.
1845 EST
Mac’s apartment
Georgetown
Mac was sitting on her couch, looking stunned at the piece of paper in her hand. She read it again, for the third time, and still couldn’t believe what she had just read.
All the way home she couldn’t stop thinking about that envelope, and as soon as she got home she went to change from her uniform and sat to read it. But even in her wildest dreams, or fantasies, she didn’t think that she would read something like this.
She started reading it again.
“I really don’t know where to start this. I even feel stupid sitting here and writing to you when all I have to do is lift my eyes and look at you. But when I look at you now I also see that ring on your finger, and I know that whatever courage that was in me before, just disappeared.
You have no idea how much I want to turn time back and be on that ferry with you again. Because if I had that chance with you again, I wouldn’t let it slide by. Not again.
If I wasn’t sure before how I felt about you, now I know for certain. I love you. I’m even more than that, I’m in love with you. And that feeling is so strong right now, that the only thing stronger is this sting of pain that I feel in my chest every time I look at your hand.
And when I think now about the opportunity that you gave me to change things between us, to take the next step, I feel like a fool for blowing it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you how I feel, but when I saw you standing in front of me, saying what I wanted to hear for so long, I chickened out.
You don’t know how much I thought about the reason why I didn’t open my heart to you at that moment. Why, even if I couldn’t say it, I didn’t just lift my hand to brush the hair off your face, to pull you closer to me and just hold you. The truth is that I don’t know why. There is no one specific reason. Which makes it a lot harder because I have nothing to hide behind, even from myself.
And now I might loose you forever. I can’t let that happen Sarah, because I don’t know if I will be able to survive it. Knowing that there is a chance that you feel the same for me, but that because of me you are in another man’s arms. But I don’t know what I can do about it now.
I do know what I dream about, and it is driving me crazy that you might have that with someone else. That he will be the one to fall asleep each night and wake up each morning with his arms around you. That he will be the one to create new life with you, and watch that life grow inside you and than come to this world. That he will be the one to grow old with you. This isn’t right. It should be me, not him.
You know I heard a song that can explain better than me what I’m trying to say:
‘Diamond ring, wear it on your hand
It’s gonna tell the world, I’m your only man
Diamond ring, diamond ring
Baby, you’re my everything, diamond ring
Red, red rose brought it home to you
Blood red rose, tells me that you’re true
Red, red rose, blood red rose
Like a fire inside that grows, blood red rose
When you’re hungry, I will fill you up
When you’re thirsty, drink out of my loving cup
When you’re crying, I will be the tears for you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you
When you’re hungry, I will fill you up
When you’re thirsty, drink out of my loving cup
When you’re crying, I will be the tears for you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
You know, I bleed every night you sleep
‘Cause I don’t know if I’m in your dreams
I want to be your everything…
Diamond ring, wear it on your hand
It’s gonna tell the world, I’m your only man
Diamond ring, diamond ring
Baby, you’re my everything, diamond ring
Darling, you’re my everything, diamond ring
Now, you’ve got me on your string… diamond ring.’
So what do you say Sarah, can I be your everything? You are to me.”
Mac was still speechless. She sat on her couch for a few more seconds and than got up and crossed her living room to her stereo. She flipped through her CDs for a minute until she found the one she was looking for. She put it in her CD player and pressed play. The soft sounds of a guitar filled the room, and she went back to the couch. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, listening to the words she had just read in the paper she still held in her hand.
1850 EST
Harm’s apartment
North of union station
Harm was going through his briefcase for the second time. Trying to see if he missed even one piece of paper that could hide the envelope. Still nothing. He sat there, with his head in his hands for a minute until he reached a decision. He had to go talk to her. Even if she didn’t get the letter, there was still a chance that someone might find it and give it to her. He had to see her first.
He got up, grabbed his keys and his coat, and went out.
1910 EST
Mac’s apartment
Georgetown
Mac was listening to the song for the forth time now. When it ended this time she just sat there in silence. Than she lowered her eyes and looked at her hand. Slowly she reached and took the ring off her finger. She placed it on the table and got up to get the phone. She had to talk to him. She didn’t know what to say, but she knew that she had to talk to him before it was too late.
She dialed his number and waited. The phone rang once, and twice, and she kept waiting. On the tenth ring she hung up.
Just than there was a knock on the door.
1910 EST,br> Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac was listening to the song for the forth time now. When it ended this time she just sat there in silence. Than she lowered her eyes and looked at her hand. Slowly she reached and took the ring off her finger. She placed it on the table and got up to get the phone. She had to talk to him. She didn't know what to say, but she knew that she had to talk to him before it was too late.
She dialed his number and waited. The phone rang once, and twice, and she kept waiting. On the tenth ring she hung up.
Just than there was a knock on the door.
***
Harm was sitting in his car. He has been for the last couple of minutes since he got to her apartment building. He was about to get out of the car when he first got there, but than he saw her getting inside the building. He knew that he couldn't say what he wanted to say when she had company, so he just waited.
***
"Harriet." Mac said as she opened the door to her apartment, the surprise evident in her voice. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry for not calling first ma'am, but I had something I wanted to talk to you about." The younger officer said with a smile. "Can I come in?"
"Of course." Mac said as she moved aside to let her in. "And we're not in the office, so no more `ma'am', ok?" She added with a smile.
"OK." Harriet replied as she sat on the couch. Than she noticed Mac's hand. "If you don't mind me asking ma'.. Mac, where is your ring?"
"I took it off." Mac said as she sat on the couch beside her friend. "Now what was it that you wanted to talk about?" She tried to change the topic of the conversation. It didn't help much, since that was the reason for Harriet's visit, even if she didn't realize it.
"I thought that you might need someone to talk to Mac." Harriet started. "You seemed a little distracted and tired since you came back from Australia. Is everything ok with you and Commander Brumby?"
There was no response from Mac. She just sat there, looking at everywhere in the room except her ring on the table and Harriet. So she continued. "I also noticed that you don't talk much with Commander Rabb. Is everything ok with you two?"
That comment forced Mac to finally look at the younger woman, and Harriet knew that she managed to get through to her when she saw the look in her eyes. It was a combination of confusion, hurt, hope and… love?
Mac started to feel that if she didn't talk to someone she was going to explode. She couldn't figure all of this on her own. She tried that for the last week and it got her nowhere. And now, with that letter that still sat on her table, she felt even more frustrated. She finally had the answers to some of the questions that kept bugging her, but that only brought more questions. Did he really mean what he wrote? What is he going to do about it? What is she going to do about it? What is she going to do about Mic and that ring?
With a sigh she started telling Harriet everything that happened.
***
Half an hour later Harm was still sitting in his car. With every minute that passed he was loosing his courage. It seemed to him that the whole world was against him. Every time he wanted to talk to her about how he felt something was interrupting. At first he had no one to accuse but himself. Than there was Brumby. And now… Harriet?
With a sigh he turned the key to start the engine. `I guess it wasn't suppose to be tonight.' He thought bitterly. `I just hope that tomorrow won't be too late…'
With that thought he drove away.
2230 EST
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Harriet left about half an hour ago, and Mac was feeling much better. She didn't tell Harriet what she was planning on doing, but talking to her helped organize her thoughts and feelings and put them in the right order.
She tried to call Harm after she left, but he wasn't home. Either that or he just didn't answer his phone. Finally she decided it was for the best. She didn't really want to do it over the phone.
She looked at the ring that was still lying on her table and decided that there was one thing that she had to do tonight.
0835 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac was running late this morning. After finally figuring out what to do last night, with the help of Harriet, she fell asleep, and for the first time in days slept through the night. In fact, she slept so good that she didn't hear her alarm clock. She had one stop to do on her way to the office, and that made her to be even more late.
She was running through the bullpen in the direction of her office when she spotted Harm in his office. `Good.' She thought to herself. `At least I don't have to go looking for him.' She went into his office without knocking and almost made him jump when she started talking. Obviously he didn't see her coming.
"We need to talk." She said and watched his reaction.
He tensed a little in his chair. "I hate it when you do that." He mumbled before looking up at her. "I don't think that I have time today." He told her. "I'm due in court this afternoon and I still have to finish reviewing the case with Bud."
"That's ok, I don't want to do it here anyways." She told him and watched the expression on his face change to one of confusion. "Seven o'clock, my place." She added in her marine voice, and with that she was out of his office.
He followed her to her office with his gaze. `She didn't have to command.' He thought to himself. And than a smile spread on his face when he returned his attention to the file he was reading. `I'm not going to argue…'
***
Mac was smiling to herself when she sat to her desk. She felt like herself again, and it felt good. It was as though she could breath again after she decided what she was going to do. She just hoped that everything will work out the way she wanted it…
1859 EST
Mac’s apartment
Georgetown
Harm was standing in front of her door for the last five minutes. For the first time in his life he was actually early. But it took him that long to get the courage to knock on her door. He was nervous. He was never nervous before when he went to see Mac, but he had a feeling that this time it was different. Something between them will change tonight, if it hadn’t already. He just hoped that he was going to like that change… Finally he knocked on the door.
***
Mac was just pressing the play button of her stereo when she heard the knock. She put the remote to the stereo down and went to open the door. On her way, she did something that she never thought she would do when it came to Harm. She checked herself in the mirror. ‘I feel like I’m in high school again’. She thought to herself as she reached the door. She took one last deep breath to compose herself, and opened the door.
“Right on time.” She said with a smile when she opened the door. “I’m impressed.”
He smiled in response, not his usual fly-boy grin, but close. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Mac answered him and moved to the side so he could pass her. She couldn’t help but brush her arm with his as he passed her by. He didn’t seem to mind.
She closed the door behind him and watched him as he took his coat off and put it on her couch. It took him a minute, but he finally recognized the song that was playing softly in the background. It was the same one from his letter. She couldn’t understand the expression that came to his face at first. But than… Was that fear?
He turned away from her and walked to her window. “You read the letter.” He said that so quietly that she could barely hear him.
“Yes.” She answered him, even though it wasn’t a question. “Did you mean it?” She asked.
“Does it matter?” He asked in return.
He didn’t notice when she came and stood behind him. She reached her hand and touched his shoulder, making him turn around and face her. When he still wouldn’t look her in the eye she reached with her hands and cupped his face, lifting his eyes to meet hers.
Harm didn’t know what to think at first. He didn’t want to look at her because he didn’t want to see the rejection in her eyes. But when she placed her hands on his face he noticed something that he didn’t see before. She didn’t have her ring on. Not on her right hand and not on her left one.
When he finally did meet her gaze, he didn’t have any more doubts. He didn’t even think about what he was doing when his hands went around her waist. And just before their lips met he heard her whispering, “You were always my everything…”
Harm had no idea that a kiss could make him feel like this. Everything around him just disappeared the moment her lips touched his. All he could feel was the softness of her lips on his, the soft touch of her skin under his hands. For the first time in his life he felt complete, like he was in the right place in the right time, like this is where he was suppose to be for the rest of his life.
Mac knew that it would be special. From the moment she made her decision, from the moment she realized who she was supposed to be with, she waited for this. But she never expected it to feel this right. It was as though she melted into him, as though she would never be just herself again. He would always be a part of her and she will always be a part of him.
It was the softest kiss that any of them ever had. There was nothing physical about it, nothing intentional, just feeling. And when it ended neither of them could pull away so she just put her head on his chest as he held her even closer to him.
“I was hoping that you’ll react like this.” She said with a smile after a few minutes.
She felt more than heard him laugh. “Did you have any doubts after you read that letter?”
This time she looked at him when she talked. “I don’t know. You wrote it but you never said it.”
“That I love you?” He asked and she nodded in response. “With all my heart.”
She didn’t think that it was possible, but he managed to tighten his hold of her, and pulled her even closer to him. She couldn’t help but smile. After a second he pulled back a little and looked at her. “Come to think of it, you never wrote or said it…”
With that her smile grew even wider. She gave him a light kiss, turned around and went to her bedroom. When she came back she was holding something in her hand.
“I wasn’t sure how this would turn out, and I don’t want to rush anything.” She said as she slid something on his finger. “I guess it’s just my way of saying that I have faith in us… And that I love you too.”
When he lowered his eyes from her and looked at his finger, he saw something that looked like a wedding band. Only this one was silver.
“You can call it a promise ring.” She added.
Mac was starting to panic when he didn’t take his eyes from it. He didn’t even say anything. Did she misunderstand his letter? The song? Was it too fast?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to rush you into anything. I guess I was wrong…” She said as she lowered her eyes and started to turn away from him.
“Sarah.” He said as he pulled her to him, cupping her face with his hands. “All I want to know is how long will it take you to keep your promise.” He added with a smile.
“A lot less than eternity, fly-boy.” She replied with a smile, just before their lips met again.
0930 Local Time
A couple of days later
Sydney, Australia
Commander Mic Brumby was sitting at his desk, pretending to work. He had been that way ever since that call he got from Mac a few days ago. Finally a knock on his door brought him back to reality.
“Sorry to disturb you Commander, but this just came for you.” The young assistant handed him an envelope. She didn’t even wait for a reply before she turned away and closed the door behind her.
Brumby just sat there for a couple of seconds, looking at the writing on the envelope. It was Mac’s. When he finally opened it, he didn’t find any note. Only one object fell out of the envelope.
The ring he gave her on the boat, under the Southern Cross.
=30=