Title - A Most Precious Gift

Author - Red Falcon

E-Mail address - PantherMate@aol.com

Rating - NC-17

Classification - how the heck do you classify something like this other than it's a story
Spoilers - there may be some before this is done but i'm not sure yet. see individual parts for that.

Author's note - I'll likely say this a hundred times as I post stuff to this site. This is my universe and while the JAG characters belong to whom they belong to, everything else is mine and I shall do as I please with them. In other words: my universe, my rules.

Summary - After being betrayed when he was younger, Harm finally trusts another man with his secrete and dares to let another man touch him one more time.

Disclaimer: Standard stuff. The rest belong to whom they belong to. By all means this and any future stories of mine may be archived.

Author's Further Notes: Since this is an AU type story, I'm having the military handle this kind of thing better than it most likely would if it would really happen. There are no regs against same sex relationships. For men like Harm, regs are even more generous. As long as both the partners are either enlisted or both commissioned, regs are helpful for them to have a family. It can even help advance both careers if they were of a mind to take advantage of it.

A Most Precious Gift
By Red Falcon

/ April 1979 /

Billy was slowly undressing him, enjoying every inch of exposed skin on his new lover. The night before, he and Harm had a long talk about where they wanted to go and what they wanted from each other. Billy was the first person, other than his mother, and presumably his father, that knew his secretes. Billy was anxious to see for himself, to feel for himself what it was like to fuck his friend that way. Harm told him that it was possible that he could get pregnant if they weren't careful. They were both too young for to have kids, but down the road in their relationship Harm was more than willing for it to happen.

Billy eased his way into that secrete place behind his lover's balls slowly. "Good Lord, Harm, you're tight." Billy said.

"Just go slow. I've never let anyone have me that way." Harm panted.

It hurt like crazy but it also felt amazing. Billy was indeed very careful, as if he were taking a girl for the first time. Before too long though both boys were very horny and Billy pounded into Harm over and over again. Harm's own cock was taking an active interest in what Billy was doing to him and was very hard and spitting pre-cum. When Billy finally tensed and spilled his seed into Harm's virgin pussy, Harm also came, rather hard and the poor boy passed out. Billy held him close and stroked his hair until Harm began to stir.

"That was incredible. I never would have believed it could be that good. Thank you Harm." Billy said and he kissed Harm tenderly.

They spent the rest of the weekend screwing each other's brains out. By the time that weekend was over, Harm was carrying a secrete, though he didn't know it yet. He was still determined to find his father and was writing to a Marine Colonel that was still in Asia.

/ June 1979 /

"Billy, I've got to do this. It may be the only chance I'll ever get to find him. I won't be gone that long, I promise." Harm said as he packed.

"I don't want you to get hurt doing this. I'll be here waiting for you." Billy said.

"Thank you for understanding. I'll be back and then we can decide what we want to do." Harm said and was gone in the night.

/ Enroute back to the states /

As it turned out the entire trip was a bust. Harm started feeling sick part way through the jungle trek but refused to say anything. It wasn't until Stryker got him back to his hooch, that he noticed. Then it was a frantic trip to the airfield and a long trip back to the world.

By the time the flight was half way done, Harm was very sick and hurt all over. An ambulance was waiting for him when the plane landed and whisked him off to the hospital. It took the doctors five hours to fix what was wrong and in the end Harm lost the baby he was carrying.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Burnett but your son lost the baby. There's just so little know about boys like him, we just don't know what to expect when one of them gets pregnant." The doctor said with a heavy heart.

"Will he be all right?" she asked.

"Yes, most definitely. And maybe in a few years, when he's older and we know more, he can try again. But for now, he's just too weak and frankly too damn young to be trying to have a family. He's got a lot of living to do before he settles down with children." The doctor said.

"As long as he is all right, that's the important thing. When can I see him?" Trish asked.

"Of coarse. He's asleep and has no idea what was really wrong. It's going to be hard on him when he finds out so be gentle if he asks you."

The doctor lead Trish to her son's bedside to wait for him to wake up. She had a pretty good idea that got her son pregnant and was a little upset that they weren't careful but she really couldn't be mad at either of them. Harm was going to need her now more than ever. First his search for his father turned out to be fruitless and now the miscarriage, how much was her son going to have to endure before he found peace? She wondered.

Several hours later, Harm still hadn't awakened. Trish left her son's room and went in search of the cafeteria for some more coffee. Billy finally crept into Harm's room once his mother was gone. Harm was starting to come around and when he opened his eyes the first thing he saw was Billy. "What happened?" Harm asked.

"Don't worry about it right now. The doctor says we can try again when you're stronger. Next time you're not running off to the other side of the world and risking our baby's life. My dad said he would give us both jobs and we can still go to college. Mom was sad to hear about this one but is really excited to hear that you still can have kids even after all this." Billy said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Harm demanded. "You mean I was pregnant when I left? How? I thought we were careful?"

"Obviously not careful enough. Don't worry, like I said you can have more soon enough." Billy said. He had no idea how insensitive he was being.

Tears gathered in Harm's eyes at the thought of being pregnant and then losing the baby. He couldn't believe that Billy was being such an ass and talking as if their child was no big loss, already planning for the next one without even mourning this one.

"Get out of here Billy. This was a mistake, us being together. I don't want to see you again." Harm said, his voice had gone flat.

"What? Oh come on, Harm. It's not that big of a deal. We weren't even trying. Once we've established ourselves, we'll try again and be more careful." Billy said.

"No we won't I don't ever want to see you again. How could you be so cruel? Our baby is dead. We may not have been trying but it happened and now it's gone. Get out of here."

That was the last time Harm saw Billy. It took many months but eventually Harm was strong enough to go after his remaining dream, to be an aviator just like his dad.

/ Twenty years later ~ A week before Thanksgiving /

Harm had always reacted badly to stress when he was younger and it was even worse now. Nothing was going right, the admiral was still on his six for leaving, Mac was so wrapped up in her own world she didn't even know he was around anymore. Worst of all, the SecNav was on the warpath again and it looked like he wanted Rabb's head on a silver platter. Now everyone was scrambling to get their work done so they could escape for Thanksgiving and there was scuttlebutt about a recruiting video to be shot at headquarters.

Harm's body was rebelling against all the stress. His stomach was grumbling but the thought of food was making him sick. His body was also cramping up like crazy and all he wanted to do was go home and take a nice hot shower and forget the world for a while. Unfortunately, he had far too much work to finish before he could think of leaving for the day.

"Sir, I have the Jamison file you've been looking for. I found it on my desk buried under some other stuff." Bud said as he handed the thick file to his superior officer. Bud was holding a cup of coffee as he approached.

Harm caught one whiff of the harmless coffee and turned a nasty shade of green and raced for the head. He passed the admiral on the way. Chegwidden tried to get the Commander's attention but Harm was intent on not throwing up on his CO he didn't hear him. He turned and saw Bud standing in the office doorway. "What's wrong with him?" he asked.

"I don't know, sir. I just brought him a file he was looking for. He was about to say something then he turned green and ran out." Bud said.

Chegwidden followed his officer to the head and was about to give him a lesson in courtesy when he heard him being violently ill. "Are you all right, Mr. Rabb?" he asked.

"Yes, sir. Bad sushi last night I guess." Harm said. He hated to lie to the admiral but he wasn't about to admit that his world was crumbling under all the extra work and stress he was dealing with. "Nothing I can't handle, sir."

A.J. heard the toilet flush and when Harm came into sight, he was shocked to see just how pale his best lawyer really was. "Maybe you should go home and get some rest. That paperwork will still be on your desk when you get back tomorrow." A.J. offered.

Oh how Harm wished he could give in and go home. He felt, however, he had something to prove to the admiral. That he was worthy of the admiral's confidence in bringing him back. Harm was bound and determined to pull his own weight no matter what, his rebelling stomach be damned. "Thank you, sir, but I really need to get on top of that stuff before I take off for home. I'm going out to see my mother and step father this year and I would rather have as small a pile of paper work to come back to as possible." Harm said. He forced himself to look and act normal until he could get away from his boss and into the safety of his office.

"All right, but if it gets to be too much I want you to go on and go home. You won't be any good to anyone if you make yourself sick." A.J. said.

"Thank you, sir." Harm said and retreated to his office. It was already too late, he was already sick. Thankfully it was only stress induced sickness and not morning sickness. Since Harm hadn't been with another man in twenty years, being pregnant wasn't likely. Of coarse, with enemies like Palmer lurking around one couldn't be too careful.

/ No, Palmer has no idea I'm like that. No one does and that's the way it's gonna stay. I will never tell anyone about that. I may miss the feeling of being with another man but I will never again risk my heart on a jerk like Billy. / Harm once again swore to himself. After his first love hurt him so bad, Harm had never again been with another man. It hurt him too much to take the chance of being that vulnerable again and finding out the guy was an ass and be treated like a trophy. Harm may never again know the wonder of being pregnant but he would deal with it.

Harm didn't notice Bud and the admiral watching him closely as he continued to wade through his files. Harm worked diligently for the rest of the day, even working through lunch. It was near midnight when he finally had to stop and get some sleep.

"It's about time to decided to go home, Commander."

Harm was badly startled at the voice. "Take it easy, Harm, I didn't mean to scare you." A.J. said.

"I wasn't expecting anyone to still be here, sir." Harm said, trying to get his heart to start beating again.

"Like you, I was trying to wrap up some paperwork. Are you sure you're all right, Commander? You still look a little green." The admiral said.

"I haven't eaten yet. I'll get something when I get home, sir."

"You should take better care of yourself, son. There's no sense in running yourself ragged." A.J. said.

"I can handle it, sir. It's nothing new." Harm said. He tried to escape the admiral's scrutiny but had the feeling he didn't make it.

A.J. knew something was wrong with Harm but couldn't put his finger on it at the moment. He's always had a bit of a crush on the younger officer and sometimes wished Harm could feel the same way. Chegwidden always worried about all his people but Harm held a special place in his heart. When Rabb left to go back to flying, it stung his pride. When Harm wanted to come back, A.J. was ecstatic but never let on how glad he was to have the younger man back. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe he should let Harm know how much he appreciated having him back where he belongs.

Harm made his escape and drove home. All he wanted at the moment was a hot shower and to sleep for a month. He was losing control of everything and slowly but surely getting buried. He wasn't going to ask for any special favors from the admiral. Harm desperately wanted to make up for the mistake of leaving.

When he arrived at his apartment, Harm groaned as he got out of his SUV. He was bone tired and there really wasn't anything he could do about it. Thankfully the elevator was working so he didn't have to climb the stairs to get home. He dumped his brief case, coat, and cover on the desk just inside the door. He left a trail of cloths from the door to the bathroom. He ran the water as hot as he could stand it and just stood under it. The water felt good to his miserable body. When the water started to run cold, Harm finished up and got out. Once he was dry, he didn't even have the strength left to put cloths on, he fell into bed and was sleeping the sleep of the innocent in seconds.

He slept so soundly, Harm didn't hear his alarm going off. He didn't even hear his phone ringing.

"Where the hell is Rabb? He's late, again." A.J. bellowed.

"Haven't seen him, sir." Mac said absently.

A.J. waited until 10:00 before he decided to go find Rabb himself. He drove over to Harm's building and ended up taking the stairs, the elevator wasn't working by then. Harm was so out of it, he didn't hear his CO pounding on the door. A.J. let himself in and went looking for his missing officer. A few steps into the apartment A.J. kicked Harm's dress shirt. He followed the trail of cloths to the bedroom. A.J. stopped dead in his tracks at what he saw. Harm was laying on his bed totally naked. He was curled around one of his pillows with his backside to the door. A.J. couldn't move if his life depended on it. /He's beautiful. / A.J. said to himself. Harm's long, lean body called out to be touched, A.J.'s body tightened in response. He decided to let Harm sleep, the young man needed it more than he needed to hear Chegwidden lecture him.

A.J. straightened up Harm's apartment for him and before he left, he left a little note telling Harm he had the day off and more if he felt the need. A.J. also promised to return with the day's paperwork later. He returned to the bedroom doorway for one last look before he left. "Sleep well, Harm." A.J. whispered, then was gone.

"Did you find him, sir? Is Commander Rabb all right?" Bud asked, worried.

"Yes, Lieutenant, the Commander is fine. I found him at his apartment sound asleep. He didn't even know I was there." The admiral said.

Bud relaxed, "Thank goodness. After yesterday I thought something was seriously wrong."

"He's been pushing himself rather hard since he's come back, trying to make up for being gone." Harriet said.

"That's right. He's been taking on more paperwork and case work than anyone else. It's like he's trying to prove something. He's going to make himself sick if he's not careful" Carolyn Imes said.

"Too late I think. Commander Rabb wasn't looking to good yesterday when I went into his office to return the Jamison file." Bud said.

They had completely forgotten that the admiral was standing there listening to them. As he listened, A.J. realized that he had been pushing and maybe even punishing Harm too much. He knew that Rabb was an aviator at heart and to have the chance to fly again was a dream come true. Harm had no idea that the admiral had fallen hard for him and that when he left that he had nearly broken the older man's heart.

Harm had slept most of the day. When he did finally wake up he looked at the clock and knew the admiral was gonna kill him, it was nearly three in the afternoon and he was really late. He stumbled out of bed, his legs twisted up in the covers. As he staggered to the bathroom something seemed out of place. Harm looked around for his uniform, which he left a trail of he was sure. When Harm looked around he realized someone had been there and cleaned up for him. Someone knew he's been sleeping the day away, and he was still so damned tired.

It didn't take too long for Harm to find the note and he groaned. The admiral already knew he was fast asleep at home. However it did seem as thought the admiral wasn't too upset. Harm decided to take advantage of his day off and took another shower.

While Harm was in the shower, someone unlocked the front door and slipped quietly into the apartment. She was trying to be quiet until she heard the water running. Harriet was clattering around in the kitchen when the shower turned off. She half expected the Commander to come out and find her standing there, but he didn't. Harriet went looking for him and what she saw made her blush. Harm was coming out of the walled off bathroom with nothing covering him, not even a towel. The poor man was so exhausted he didn't even notice her, he just crawled back into bed and went back to sleep.

Harriet couldn't help but stare when Harm walked past the doorway. She shook herself and left as quietly as she had come. Harriet promised herself not to say anything about seeing the Commander in his state of undress though the image would haunt her memory for a while.

It was near seven that night when the admiral finally returned. A.J. let himself in quietly and went to see if Harm was still asleep. What he saw made him smile. Harm was in bed, the top sheet covering only his modesty but leaving the rest of him for the looking and A.J. did look. Once again his heart was stolen by this young man. He went to the kitchen and began to prepare something for them to eat.

The scent of shrimp stir fry woke Harm from his deep sleep. A.J. caught the movement through the glass blocks dividing the bedroom from the rest of the apartment.

"Get yourself dressed and come and eat. I'm sure you haven't had anything all day." The admiral said.

That made Harm jump out of bed. A.J. heard him hit the floor rather hard. "Be careful in there, I don't want to have to take you to the hospital for falling out of bed." A.J. tried to joke.

Harm pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt and headed for the kitchen. "Just sit down and relax while I finish dinner."

Harm was stunned and automatically did as he was told. "I don't know what happened, sir. When I got home I just fell asleep and for the life of me I don't know why I did that."

"Take it easy, Harm. I'm not upset. I think I've finally begun to understand some things. Don't worry about that right now though. I've made us some dinner and I want you to eat it, no arguments. You were very sick yesterday and you haven't had anything so far today." A.J. said.

"I'm fine sir. I've just been trying to get all my work caught up so I can take my leave and not really have to worry about mountains of it waiting for me when I get back." Harm said.

"And you've been doing far more than your share of the work. I happened to come across certain information that indicates that you have been working far too hard."

"I just try to do my job, sir, as is expected of me." Harm said. He wasn't too sure where this was going and it was making him nervous.

"I am well aware of what is expected and what you've been doing since you've come back. You have nothing to prove, to me or to anyone. I'm sorry I made you think otherwise." A.J. said.

"You have every right to expect me to prove myself again. I was stupid to leave. I really am sorry I left the way I did. I am also glad you let me come home." Harm said.

"You are back where you belong. You don't have to work yourself to death to prove it. I want you to ease up on yourself and relax." A.J. said.

"I'll try, sir. I don't want to disappoint you." Harm said.

"Eat your dinner, Harm." A.J. said as he watched Harm enjoy the stir- fry he had made for them.

"This is good, sir." Harm said.

"You're not the only one that can cook."

When dinner was finished, Harm and A.J. worked together to clean up the leavings. A.J. watched him like a hawk the entire time. "I'm fine sir, just tired." Harm said without turning to look at him, the admiral smiled. "I know you are but I'm still concerned. When I came by this morning you didn't move a muscle when I came in. If I hadn't seen you breathing, I would have thought you were dead."

That made Harm stop and look at him. Then he turned bright red remembering that he had fallen into bed with nothing on. "Nothing I haven't seen before, Mr. Rabb." A.J. said.

Harm was still distracted by what the admiral had said he didn't notice a knife that was hiding in the water. When he reached for another plate from under the soapsuds, Harm drew his hand back with a surprised yelp, bright red blood was staining the bubbles pink.

"Damn, that hurt." Harm mumbled. He headed for the bathroom before A.J. could get a look at what was wrong but Harm was leaving a blood trail.

"What's wrong? What did you do?" A.J. asked.

Harm turned around and A.J. saw blood dripping down his arm. "How bad is it?" he asked.

"It hurts, sir. I'll clean it up in the bathroom, no problem." Harm said.

He took one step and slipped on the puddled blood. A.J. moved like lightening and caught him before Harm could crack his head on anything. "I'm going to take you to the ER just to be safe." A.J. said. "Don't argue with me. You're bleeding and you damn near split your head open. You are in no condition to deal with this yourself."

A.J. helped him to his feet and carefully guided him to the door. A.J. kept a steadying arm around the young man's waist as they waited for the elevator but ended up taking the stairs. Harm was becoming paler by the moment as they headed, now, for the admiral's car.

"Stay with me, Mr. Rabb. We'll be there soon." A.J. said. He drove as quickly as he could and dreaded each stop light.

A.J. was never more grateful to see the hospital lights than at that moment. "I need some help here." He called out to the first person he saw.

A young intern rushed to their side and instantly was all business when she saw the blood. "What happened, sir?" she asked.

"Doing dishes. I stuck my hand in the water and didn't bother to look at what I was doing." Harm said. His voice tight with pain. He was so pale that it was making A.J. nervous and the doctor worried.

"We'll take care of it right quick sir, don't fret." She said then turned to the admiral. "Why don't you wait out in the waiting area and fill out the necessary forms. It shouldn't take too long to fix this up."

"If you're sure?" A.J. asked then left the doctor to her work.

Harm sank back on the examination table, totally exhausted. "It's not that bad really. I'm afraid my boss is a bit of a worrier." Harm said.

"Sir, you have a deep cut here and you have been bleeding badly. I'm going to have some blood brought in so we can replace what you've lost. But this is more than just what happened tonight, isn't it?" she said.

"Just trying to tame all the paperwork on my desk before I go on leave." Harm mumbled as he fell asleep again.

The doctor took care of his hand and set up the transfusion. She stood there and watched him for a moment and then went to find the man that brought him in.

"How is he?" A.J. asked.

"He's asleep right now. I've got a transfusion going just to be safe. When it's done you can take him home. Your friend is exhausted and needs rest. He says he's been trying to 'tame all the paperwork'. I would suggest that someone takes some of whatever he's been working on and let him recoup his energy reserves. Otherwise he will make himself even sicker and end up hospitalized for it." She said. She led him to the exam room where Harm was sleeping.

"He looks so innocent laying there doesn't he?" the doctor said.

"Yes, he does. Are you sure he's going to be all right? He was violently ill yesterday and he slept most of today."

"As long as he takes it easy for a while I think he should be just fine. With the holidays and all he should have plenty of time to relax and recover from all the stress. Just don't let him take on more than he really should and he'll be just fine." The doctor said and left the two men to themselves.

A.J. pulled a rolling chair to the side of the exam table and sat down to wait for Harm to wake up. A.J. noticed that Harm lost a lot of worry, pain, and frustration when he slept. He looked so terribly young laying there in nearly broke A.J.'s heart.

"I'll take care of you, if you let me." He whispered. "You've already stolen my heart."

A.J. absently stroked Harm's hair while the younger man slept. In turn, Harm rolled over onto his side and snuggled closer to A.J. "I will win your heart somehow." A.J. vowed.

*

Harm slept easily while the replacement blood replenished what he had lost. A.J. watched over him like a hawk in case any nightmares or restless sleep should overtake him. A.J. couldn't help but stroke Harm's hair and down his cheek, just for the chance to touch him even though Harm was sound asleep.

Before long the transfusion was nearly done and the doctor returned. "I need to check him over before I release him. He shouldn't be left alone tonight. Will you be staying with him?" the doctor asked.

"Yes." A.J. answered.

The doctor handed him two prescriptions, "You might want to get these filled while I do my examination. One is for pain, he'll need it when the shock wears off. I'm sure stabbing himself was the last thing he expected. The other is to prevent infection. I would recommend that he stay home for a few days, maybe get an early start to the holidays." She said.

"I'll see to it." A.J. said and went in search of the pharmacy.

The doctor checked the progress of the transfusion. She also watched him carefully for signs of any further distress. As she was checking her sutures, Harm began to stir.

"Take it easy, I'm just checking my handy work." She said, trying to reassure him.

His eyes snapped open and he looked around franticly. The doctor recognized the look and snagged a trashcan that was close at hand. She watched as the young man emptied his stomach and continued to wretch violently.

"How long has this been going on?" she asked.

"Since I got back from the Patrick Henry. I've been working hard to reclaim my place at JAG. It's just stress, that's all." Harm mumbled.

"Let me be the judge of that." Dr. Carlyle said.

"It's not like when I went to Laos. It's more like just before finals at the academy."

Dr. Carlyle examined him closer and discovered something that peaked her curiosity. She really wanted to explore what she had found but knew the other man would be returning soon. "All right, I'll give you something to counteract that. You really need to take it easy and relax. There's no sense in making yourself sick over things you can't control. This should be a warning for you."

"I'll try. But I do have to keep up with my work load." Harm said.

"I'll make sure he takes it easy, don't worry." A.J. said from the door.

Harm turned red in embarrassment when he heard. "Nothing to be embarrassed about. You're going to take it easy until you leave for home and when you get back we will discuss your tendency to take on more than your share of the work. It would seem that the others were taking advantage of you in that regard." A.J. said.

Harm was about to argue but a wave of nausea hit him and he curled into a ball and wished it away. He was surprised when the admiral began to stroke his forehead, giving him something else to concentrate on other than his rebelling stomach. "Take it easy, breathe slowly." He whispered. "Everything will be all right."

Dr. Carlyle gave Harm the anti-nausea injection while he wasn't paying attention. Harm barely flinched but the admiral held him close anyway. "When he feels up to it, you can take him home. Just remember not to leave him alone tonight, just to be safe." She said. Both men nodded and the doctor left them alone.

"You don't have to stay, sir. I'll be fine." Harm said.

"I know you will, but I'm staying anyway." A.J. said.

A.J. helped Harm to his feet and held on to him as they went back to the car. Harm tried to sleep during the drive back to his apartment but was still nervous around the admiral. The anti-nausea stuff the doctor had given him was making him sleepy again. "Just lay back and try to sleep." A.J. whispered as he noticed Harm drifting off.

"I'll try." Harm mumbled sleepily and was off in dreamland even before A.J. got to the driver's side.

Despite the seatbelt and shoulder harness, Harm was able to curl up and get comfortable. Sometime during the drive back to his apartment, Harm leaned over and laid his head on A.J.'s shoulder.

Harm was still sound asleep by the time A.J. pulled into the parking lot at his apartment. Carefully, A.J. rearranged the young man so he could get out of the car without awakening him. A.J. didn't have the heart to wake him so he undid the seatbelt and lifted Harm out of the car. He carried Harm all the way to his apartment. Harm snuggled deep into the admiral's embrace and sighed contentedly. Even though he didn't consciously know it, Harm had finally found what his heart had been looking for, for so long.

Chegwidden lost his heart once again as he watched the younger man sleep so peacefully in his arms. "I don't know who hurt you before, but I will make it my mission in life to see that it doesn't happen ever again."

A.J. didn't have the heart to let him go just yet. He sat with him on the couch and held Harm close. / Such innocence in sleep. / A.J. thought. Before too much longer he realized he was enjoying the situation a bit too much and decided it was time to put Harm to bed for the night.

"Time for you to go back to bed now, Harm. I'll see you in the morning." A.J. whispered into his ear. Harm mumbled something totally unintelligible as he carried the young man to bed. A.J. eased him down so as not to awaken him.

Harm grumbled in his sleep when A.J. let him go and the older man had to smile at the way he was reaching for him. "I'll be here when you wake up, just rest now." And Harm drifted off again. A.J. covered him up again and went back into the living room.

A.J. had to wonder who in their right mind would hurt someone like Harm and vowed that he would never be one of those. A.J. drifted off, dreaming of what their life together might be if he could win the heart of the young aviator.

Many nights in the last twenty years, Harm's dreams were of the cold and callous words Billy spoke the night he found out about the miscarriage. However, for some reason, tonight Harm dreamed of someone he couldn't quite make out, though he did know it wasn't Billy. Whoever this man was, he was kind, so gentle and loving. This stranger, though he didn't seem to be a total stranger, was so in love with him and he with the stranger. Harm felt his hands touching him in his most secrete place and he could feel the wonder coming from this unseen man, the joy at having someone so special. He dreamed of their first time and was so amazed that even though it had been so long, it didn't hurt.

Then the dream changed, at first Harm was afraid. But the dream was still a happy one. This time both of them were someplace warm and safe. Harm knew something was different about his body and when he felt a wrenching cramp in his lower body, he knew what it was, he was in labor. He was giving his mystery lover a child. Harm could feel the amazement coming from his mystery lover. He knew he wasn't in a hospital but Harm knew he was safe, his mystery man would make sure of that.

/ "It's a boy. Harm we have a son. Oh I love you so much."

"It's not over yet. I don't know if I have the strength to do this again." Harm said.

"Yes, you do, babe. Looks like you're gonna get a break before the next one. Just lay back and try to relax."

"That's easy for you to say, all you've got to do is catch and cut the cords." Harm grumped.

"Yeah, but look what you've got to show for all those months. You're doing great, it'll be over soon and we'll get you to Bethesda and checked out."

"Oh man, here we go again." Harm wailed as the next contraction slammed into him.

The second one didn't take as long as the first and soon both men were holding their squalling children. "This one's a girl. Megan Rose and Alan James welcome to the world, we're your parents." /

This wonderful dream played itself over and over again, revealing a bit more each time but not enough to tell him who his mystery lover was.

By the time morning came, Harm was well on his way to recovering his reserves and his heart on the way to welcoming a new and lasting love.

"Up and at 'em, Rabb. You've got a flight to catch in a couple of hours." A.J. called from the kitchen.

That was enough to not only wake him up but scare the tar out of him. Harm was startled enough to nearly fall out of bed again. "Let's not do that again, please. Just take it easy and climb out of bed slowly. Breakfast will be ready soon." A.J. said.

"That is too strange." Harm whispered.

As soon as he was upright, he felt the throbbing in his hand. Harm resisted the urge to make a fist of his bandaged hand and to shake it. He moved slowly, least dizziness rush up to slap him down.

"What are you making?" Harm asked.

A.J. turned when he heard Harm's question. He had to grin at the sight of Harm shuffling out of the bedroom. His hair was all spiky and running in a dozen different directions at once. Harm's eyes were half closed though he didn't seem to be having too much trouble navigating the distance between the bedroom and the kitchen.

"Eggs, toast, some cereal, I found some fruit that didn't look too bad and I've got the coffee going. Sit down and I'll bring it to you." A.J. said.

Harm wasn't quite running on all thrusters so he didn't argue. "I expect you to rest and relax while you're at home. I do not want to go through seeing you so sick like the passed few days." A.J. said. He shuddered at the memory.

"I'm sorry, sir. I just thought, I felt I needed to prove myself worthy of your confidence in bringing me back. I didn't mean to make you or anyone else worry." Harm said.

"Believe me, Mr. Rabb, if I didn't want you back we wouldn't be having any discussions on any matter. I'm glad you wanted to come home. To be honest, I really didn't want you to leave, but I understand you had to put an end to one dream before you could build on another." A.J. said. "When you get back, we'll discuss your tendency toward taking on more work than you can possibly handle."

"Yes, sir. Thank you. Now that I think about it I see that over working myself wasn't the answer. I do promise that I'll do better. Work smarter, not to insanity." Harm said.

"I'll clean up, you finish whatever packing you need to finish and I'll drive you to the airport." A.J. said.

"Thank you." Harm said.

Harm couldn't understand, at least for the moment, why the admiral was being so kind to him but he wasn't going to say anything. He would take this time away to figure out what had happened in the last couple of days and what to do about it.

The drive to the airport was quiet but comfortable. "I'll see you when you get back. Give your mother and stepfather my best." A.J. said.

"I will, sir." Harm said and was gone.

*

It had been almost a week by the time Harm returned to JAG headquarters. He was well rested and for the first time since coming home to JAG, Harm didn't feel like his world was spinning out of control. His smile was bright and he was content, finally.

Everyone that saw him felt a little bit better when he smiled. "Sir, the admiral would like to see you." Tiner said when he saw Harm heading for his office.

"Thank you, Tiner. Could you please put this stuff in my office for me?" Harm said.

"Certainly, sir. I'm glad you're feeling better, sir." Tiner said and scampered off.

Harm approached and knocked on the admiral's door. At the order to enter, Harm stood at attention and waited for whatever the admiral had to say. "At ease, have a seat, I'll be with you in a second." A.J. said.

Harm sat down and waited patiently. Whoever the admiral was talking to was getting him upset over something, Harm had to stifle a grin at a particularly rude comment the admiral muttered. However, Chegwidden caught it and was grateful to see it.

"See to it then. Don't let me hear about you messing this up again." Chegwidden said, then he slammed the phone back onto its cradle.

A.J. took a moment to compose himself, least he say or do something totally stupid, and then he really looked at the young man closely.

"I trust you had a relaxing vacation." The admiral said.

"Yes, sir. My mother sends her thanks for taking care of me before I went out there. She was upset when I told her what I had been doing and totally agreed with you." Harm said with a smile.

/ That smile. It's enough to melt a diamond. / A.J. thought.

Before they could continue any meaningful conversation, the admiral's office door burst open and a little ferret of a man in flaming pink thundered in. Harm turned, startled at the sudden interruption, and did his best not to laugh.

"This place will never do. The colors are all wrong." The little man moaned theatrically.

"What do you expect from the Navy?" another man said, he was following the flamingo.

"Sorry, sir. He was moving too fast for me." Tiner said.

"Well find them some place else to complain about, I'm in the middle of something here." The admiral ordered.

Tiner ushered the two men out as quickly as he could.

"Ah, what was that, sir?" Harm asked, both confused and trying not to laugh.

"I'm not sure. They could be from that film crew the SecNav has been threatening us with, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about the way things were handled when you came home." A.J. began.

"Sir, I understand. I just thought I had to prove myself so I took on more than I could really handle. I figured if I could show you and everyone else that I could keep up then maybe we could all forget what a horrible mistake I made in leaving. To be perfectly honest, sir, I had no idea that everything had gotten so out of control until those last couple of days before I left. I'm really sorry that I worried everyone." Harm said. He wouldn't look at A.J. at the moment, too ashamed of what he had done.

"Commander, look at me. We all could have handled the situation a hell of a lot better. I think everyone, myself included, let their emotions get the better of them and unfortunately we took it out on you. We all know that at heart you will always be an aviator no matter what. You had to put one dream to rest before you could get on with any other." The admiral said. "That being said, I've got something for you to work on. I'm not sure what to make of it but I think you've got the right sensitivity to handle this properly."

The admiral handed over a case file and watched as Harm read through it. Harm recognized himself in the cadet the file was describing. A.J. watched as the anger rose in his junior officer's blood and knew that he was reading about the harassment. "I'll do what I can for him sir." Harm said. "I knew you would. Why don't you head on over there now. No sense in sticking around here and fending off that rather bizarre little director." The admiral said. "Aye, sir."

Then Harm left the office and went back to his for a moment. The very thought of someone being so callus as to use the affections of a young man to further the career of another made his blood boil. Once Harm calmed himself, he gathered what he would need and headed out to the academy. / It's gonna be nice to be back there. Even if it is for an investigation. / Harm thought as he drove.

Three hours later, Harm pulled into the parking lot at the academy and headed for the commandant's office. As soon as he walked through the doors, Harm felt eyes on him instantly. Whether it was the wings or the JAG insignia he wasn't sure. Harm ignored the sensation as he approached Admiral Wainwright's outer office.

The young man sitting at the desk was a civilian but was well aware of Navy rank. "Go on in, sir. The admiral is waiting for you." The young man said.

Harm nodded and went in. Rear Admiral Jamison Wainwright was a well built man somewhere in his fifties. He had a full head of salt and pepper hair and cold green eyes. He wore the signet of surface warfare but his eyes told of seeing far too much in his career. He felt the admiral give him the once over before speaking.

"Midshipman Jarrett is waiting for you in the next room. He's pretty shaken up, Commander, so be careful with him." Admiral Wainwright said.

"Of coarse, sir." Harm said and headed for the next room. He could still feel the admiral's eyes on him and tried not to shudder at the man's lustful looks.

Harm stood in the door way for a moment watching the young cadet fidget in his seat. / So young to have to deal with this kind of thing. / Harm thought.

"Midshipman Jarrett," Harm said.

"Yes, sir." The young man said as he jumped to his feet. When he raised his eyes to look at the man that was approaching him he began to shake all over again.

"Take it easy, son. I'm not going to hurt you. I was asked to come and look into your claim. Now, why don't you sit back down and tell me exactly what happened?" Harm said. Harm's gentle voice went a long way in calming down the terrified cadet.

"It started out as little things, sir. Mark, ah senior Midshipman O'Connor, would be there when I was having a hard time with a class. Sometimes he would listen to me complain about all the work. After a few months he wanted … well he wanted to … and I just couldn't. I'm not ready for that. I want to finish here and maybe go on to flight school. I've always wanted to fly, sir." Jarrett said. He was stumbling over what he wanted to say but when he realized that Commander Rabb from JAG was actually listening to him and not condemning him, he began to pour his heart out.

For the next three hours, Michael Jarrett told Harm his entire life's story. Harm heard much of himself in this cadet. "Now Mark is pushing me not only to be in his bed but he wants me to get pregnant. Even though I still have two years here, he wants children now. It's like he doesn't even care what I want." Midshipman Jarrett said. "Now he's making my life a nightmare because I turned him down in favor of my own career that doesn't include him."

"Bastard." Harm muttered, not realizing that the cadet had heard him. When Harm noticed that Jarrett was looking at him strangely, he explained. "When I was a bit younger than you, I thought I was in love. I spent a wonderful weekend with a guy from school. I told him and showed him my secrete, just like yours. I had no idea that I was already pregnant that summer when I went off and did something really foolish. The point is that I didn't know that he was a jerk until after I lost the baby. He treated it like no big loss. It hurt me real bad. I haven't seen him in twenty years and have never trusted another man since. I'll deal with senior Midshipman O'Connor so he won't do this to you anymore and won't be able to hurt anyone else. The thing is, don't let this sour you on a healthy relationship with someone else. When you're ready, find someone that will treat you with respect and honor you for who and not what you are." Harm said.

Cadet Jarrett relaxed considerably after being around the JAG officer. "Thank you, sir. It means a lot to me that you believe me. I know you're right and I do hope one day to find someone just like that." He said.

"Good. Now return to your studies and I'll deal with O'Connor. I'll be keeping in touch so you know what's going on. If he fights this we may have to deal with an inquiry. Hopefully he'll see reason and we can just get a dismissal. If you have any more problems with Cadet O'Connor let me know, otherwise just concentrate on your studies." Harm said.

Harm asked that Senior Midshipman O'Connor be brought to the interview room so he could question and get a sense of the cadet. When the cadet entered the room, Harm instantly knew this young man was trouble. He spent another two hours talking to him and came to the conclusion that Cadet Jarrett played down the torment Cadet O'Connor put him through. Harm spent the better part of the rest of the day talking to other midshipmen and found a pattern of harassment and he was angry. He thanked the last of the midshipmen that he talked to, who then scurried out of the room. Harm had to sit there and calm down, he was so angry.

Harm gathered his notes and went to Admiral Wainwright's office to give him his report. The young man at the desk looked up as Harm approached and just opened the admiral's door. Once the door was closed the young man shuddered at the fierce look on the Commander's face.

"What are your finding's Commander?" the admiral asked.

"I would recommend that Midshipman O'Connor be removed from the academy. I've documented several cases of harassment by O'Connor. He's making life a nightmare for at least a half dozen other cadets, that I've found. I wouldn't be surprised if there are more." Harm reported.

Admiral Wainwright looked over Harm's preliminary report before he answered. "I'll set the process in motion. You'll send me your report as soon as you get it done, correct?" the admiral asked.

"Yes, sir." Harm said. He then collected his notes and left to return home, it would be long passed day's end by the time he reached JAG headquarters. He had made a promise to himself and his mother that he wouldn't work so many hours that he neglected to take care of himself.

When he got home, Harm dropped his briefcase and cover on the doorside table and hung up his jacket. He knew he wasn't in the mood for something complicated for dinner. He took a long hot shower while he mentally reviewed what he had on hand. The warm water went a long way to relax him after dealing with a jerk like O'Connor. After his shower, Harm made himself a small salad and poured a glass of soda, he went to bed right after finishing.

The following morning, Harm was up before his alarm. When he finished his morning run, he got dressed and had his breakfast. When he entered JAG ops, a sense of peace settled through everyone around.

Harm headed for his office to type up his report on the harassment at the academy. He was still upset at what he had found but the knowledge that the offending cadet was being dismissed helped. As he typed furiously, one hand reached blindly for his coffee cup. He was about to take a drink when he realized it was empty. "Damn." He muttered and got up. Harm headed for the small kitchen and the coffee pot.

Harm was returning to his office, carefully drinking his coffee, when Mic Brumby got in his way. "I heard you had some fun yesterday." The annoying Australian said.

Mic's sudden appearance startled Harm enough that he nearly spilled his coffee. "What are you blathering about now, Bugme?" Harm muttered as he tried to get around him.

Harm's insult didn't faze the man one bit. "Heard you went out to play nursemaid to a herm at the academy. Was he as clingy as I've heard they are?" Mic sneered.

Harm stopped in mid stride at that. "You better hope not. Now get out of my way." Harm demanded. He wasn't going to dignify the jerk by continuing the conversation.

That pricked Mic's attention. Figuring that he could get some teasing in and maybe bring down the high and mighty Harmon Rabb, "You're one of them aren't you? Mister hotshot pilot/supper lawyer is a herm. Who would have thought?" Mic taunted.

"Back off, Gumby, it's none of your business." Harm growled.

Neither man saw that they were attracting attention from the rest of the people in the bullpen much less that their argument brought the admiral out of his office. "You are one of them," Mic started again but Harm's hand found his throat. "Don't push me, mate, you'll see just what I can do." He threatened.

"What the hell is going on out here?" A.J. demanded. He had heard Harm's half hearted admission. His heart filled with even more love for the young aviator but he knew that he had to be careful. Right now, as far as Harm knew everyone in the office knew what he was and so he was going to be embarrassed and prickly. For now Harm won't take kindly to anyone's advances, most likely fearing it would be more out of curiosity than true affection for him. "Explain yourself Mr. Brumby." The admiral demanded.

"Just a difference of opinion, sir." He stammered.

"What about you?" the admiral asked when he turned to Harm.

"Nothing unusual about that, is it, sir?" Harm said. All he wanted to do at that moment was to hide in his office until everyone had left. "I'll have my report from the academy on your desk in a couple of hours, sir." He finished and quickly made for his office.

The rest of the JAG staff returned to their work, thoughts of what Harm had said still floating around in their minds.

Harm finished up the report and prints it out but for the moment is too embarrassed to leave his office. / Now everyone knows. They'll be looking at me like I'm some kind of sex crazed freak now. Damn Brumby, I just wish he would go away and never come back. / Harm thought. There was a discrete knock on his door and a blonde head poked itself through the slight opening she made.

"Are you all right, sir?" Harriet asked.

"Yeah, just a little bit upset with myself for letting Brumby bait me like that." Harm said. Harriet came in and shut the door behind her.

"If you'll excuse me, sir, but Commander Brumby is a jerk. Being a mother myself I know the wonders of conceiving, carrying and baring a child. It is a wonderful experience. You are one of those lucky ones that get to enjoy that same wonder. Don't let Mr. Brumby make you feel bad about it. One day you'll find someone that you can share it with, then you'll know what I mean." Harriet said. When she tried to meet Harm's eyes she saw such sadness. "What is it, sir? You know you can tell me anything and it won't go any further than this office." She said.

Harm fought with himself as to whether or not to tell her. He knew that she wouldn't say anything to anyone if he asked her not to, but this was an old pain. "I almost had that chance. A long time ago I trusted someone and we did create a life, only I didn't know until it was too late. I lost the baby in my first trimester. He was such an ass about losing the baby I have never trusted anyone since. Ever since A.J. was born I have been thinking about it, about having another baby but since no one here had known, I was afraid to try." Harm said.

"Don't let small minds like Commander Brumby make you turn away from something that is part of who you are. Personally I think you would make a great father. I bet you would get a real kick out of carrying a baby to term. You know that you don't need a partner to have a baby these days and you'd have an office full of friends to help you with everything from morning sickness to potty training and everything else. You are a wonderful man Commander. Mr. Brumby is just jealous of you, that's why he picked that fight. No one out there thinks any less of you, as a matter of fact I think you have managed to impress them even more now." Harriet said. She smiled when Harm finally met her eyes and she saw that he had really listened to her. "Thank you, Harriet. I really appreciate you coming in here. I'm also glad I finally told someone, other than my mother, about what happened. Bud is a very lucky man to have you." He said.

That really embarrassed the young Lieutenant. "And I'm glad you trusted me enough to be open about it. I won't say anything to Bud if you don't want me to either." She said as she was heading out of the office.

"I don't want you to keep secretes from your own husband, Harriet." Harm said.

"He won't ask for details and I won't give them. Don't worry, sir. Bud respects you enough to know when to ask and when to leave well enough alone." She responded.

"Thank you."

*

Harm quickly finished his report and tried to make a discrete run for the admiral's office. Everyone in the bullpen was working diligently and kept the talking to a very low murmur. At the sound of an opening door a few heads popped up but just as quickly they returned to their work when they saw who it was.

Tiner looked up as Commander Rabb approached his desk. "Is the admiral busy? I have the report from Annapolis ready for him." Harm said.

"Yes, sir, he's been waiting for you." Tiner said.

Harm knocked once and at the admiral's order entered the office and stood at attention. "What do you have for me, Commander?" A.J. asked.

"Here's the report from my investigation at the academy, sir. Admiral Wainwright is in the process of expelling the midshipman in question." Harm said as he handed over the report.

"Nicely done, Commander, I knew I was right in sending you over there." The admiral said. He read through the report and the statements and began to get really angry. Hermaphrodites were fairly common in the services. But, those that were fully functional, reproductively speaking, were rare. This kind of harassment and betrayal was so infuriating to the admiral that he wanted to bust some heads.

Harm was getting a bit nervous at the admiral's silence. A.J. looked up for some reason and saw the tension building in the younger officer. "Relax, Commander. I'm not upset with you. You did a fine job. I'm just mad at the arrogance of this middie. I don't understand how anyone could be so cruel." He said.

Harm was able to relax somewhat, as much as he was able around his CO that is. The admiral was about to dismiss Harm when the phone on his desk rung, startling both men. A.J. shook his head and snickered. "Go on back to work, Commander. I'm sure you have other files to finish." He said.

"Aye, sir," Harm said and he left quickly.

A.J. watched him leave with a rather silly grin on his face, thankful Harm hadn't seen it. He just couldn't get enough of the younger man. A.J. knew he had to plan carefully in order to win the aviator's heart; otherwise he would pull away and run.

He had to think of a way to win Harm over somehow. As much as A.J. might want to up and ask him out for dinner one night, he didn't think that was such a good idea.

END PART 6