TITLE: To Sir, with Love

AUTHOR: JenIsaks

DATE: Dec. 2001

FANDOM: JAG

PAIRING: Chegwidden/Tiner

CATEGORY: Slash, light m/m action and attraction, Major Angst.

RATING: PG-13 or R.

WARNINGS: Tiner fans might not wanna read this. Tissue alert.

STATUS: finished

ARCHIVE: yes to Bald Heaven, others ask.

FEEDBACK: No flames please I couldn't help it.....

Chegwiddenlover@hotmail.com or jenisaks@hotmail.com

SERIES/SEQUEL: NO there will not be a sequel

OTHER WEBSITES: Keeper of Bald Heaven, http://www.BaldHeaven.com

DISCLAIMERS: Don't own them, just wanna play with them.

SPOILER: non, maybe the one were Chegwidden defends Gunny on Gay bashing, but only because of AJ's knowledge of his brothers existence.

BETA: Lynda's first try, you did well, thanks hun.

SUMMERY: AJ handles a situation very badly and it has devastating consequences.

NOTES: Don't ask why -some one once told me this pairing was incestous maybe that why it had to be this way- I don't know I just sobbed my heart out as I wrote it. This is the first story I ever wrote backwards.

To Sir, with Love
by JenIsaks

Monday morning
AJ Chegwidden's Office

Coming into his office, AJ sat down behind his desk with a heartfelt sigh.

"Little man, I'm not going to let you do this, you damn well better talk to me.," he muttered to himself.

As he lifted the receiver off the phone his eyes fell upon an envelope on his otherwise empty desk. Almost detached he watched his shaking hand reach for it. Yet again his soul was flooded with an eerie feeling.

Don't open it!! If you don't open it every thing will be okay. Just don't open it....

* * * * * *
Two days earlier.

"Tiner, what are you doing here?"

When AJ had answered the door Tiner was the last person he had expected to find behind it. He was totally surprised, which he was sure must have shown on his face - since he was just standing there dumbfounded.

"May I come in, Sir?"

"Yeah, sure." AJ had to shake himself from the thoughts that were running through his mind - as to what the hell his yeoman wanted with him so badly that he would come to his house on a Saturday morning. Meeting the young man's eyes he saw the slight grin gracing Jason's features. He then realized that he was still blocking the doorway. AJ moved to the side as he said, "Sorry Tiner, come on in."

Tiner moved to the center of the Admiral's sitting room, standing there as if he was not sure what to do with himself. AJ had now collected himself and as he watched his yeoman's posture he became very alert to the fact that something was definitely off.

"So Tiner, what did you need me for?"

The comment had the young man blushing bright red and that puzzled the Admiral even more.

What the *hell* is going on here?

"Tiner?"

"Ah.... Sorry Sir, I came to give you this, sir." Tiner reached out his hand to hand him an envelope - which he now only just noted Jason had in his hand.

AJ, you must be getting old.

"What is this son?" AJ asked.

Tiner didn't answer, just gestured with the hand -holding the envelope- for AJ to take it. For some reason the hair on his neck was standing on it's end and a minute shiver ran down his spine. Reading the letter he had to do a double take, then the anger shoot through him.

"What the *Hell*...." AJ's eyes shot up to look at the younger man who was refusing to meet his eyes. His anger subsided replaced by sadness., "You mind telling me what the hell this is *Tiner*?" he asked softly.

"My letter of resignation, Sir."

"But why?"

"I'm sorry Sir. Please don't ask me why - just accept it. Please, Sir."

"Son I can't do that. Talk to me please. I don't understand why you're doing this."

"Because I can't stand to work with you any more Sir,." Jason calmly informed his CO. He then turned to leave.

The comment stabbed AJ's heart and left him gut-punched-breathless. He'd never thought that this young man could hurt him this much.

"Dammit Tiner! If you think for one moment I'll let you walk out that door with out a damn good explanation you're sorely mistaken, Son!!" AJ was shouting now. His out burst hadn't stopped the young man - in fact it had speeded up his departure. AJ moved with the speed of light as he slammed shut the door that the other man had started to open a second before. Tiner whirled around facing him.

"SON!? Could you can it Sir!! I'm *NOT* your fucking *SON*!! I don't want be your son *DAMMIT*!! " Tiner screamed into his face in desperate anger -he then started to shake with the effort to get more words out -giving up- he grabbed the shocked man before him and kissed him hard on the mouth.

AJ gasped with utter surprise and Jason used the opportunity to plunge his tongue into his mouth. While Tiner ravished his mouth AJ felt like he was falling off a cliff. He wrapped his arms around the other man trying to stay grounded. He didn't realize he was returning the kiss - nor that he was leaning into the embrace. When he felt the hard evidence of the young man's arousal pressed against his hip he jerked back in panic - horrified at his own straining need.

Now AJ was the one fighting to get words passed his lips, his heart was beating so fast he thought he'd pass out. He was just standing there with his head shaking in denial.

With glassy eyes, Tiner watched the facial expression of the man of his dreams - thinking his worst fears was now a reality - it was not the look he'd want on the face of the man he loved. He had to get out of there before he broke down, he could not allow AJ to witness that. There was no response from AJ, so he finished this God damn mess.

"There you go, Sir. I thought I couldn't keep working with you - that I couldn't live with you so close to me - loving you and not touching you. I was wrong, Sir. What I couldn't live with was the possibility of seeing the disgust in your eyes that I see right now. Goodbye AJ."

It took a moment for AJ to snap out off it, and follow Tiner out of the door. By the time he reached him, Jason was already behind the wheel crying his eyes out, starting the car. The pounding on the window and the orders from AJ - that he get his ass back in the house so they could talk - didn't stop him from driving away.

"Come back here Tiner... That's an order!!" AJ screamed running after the car almost losing his footing when his bare feet hit the thick patch of sleet in the middle of the road.

* * * * * *
Monday morning
JAG HQ

Stepping into the elevator, AJ felt dead on his feet. He knew he looked like shit and he couldn't care less. He'd been trying every thing to get a hold of Jason - he lost count of how many times he'd left messages on that damn answering machine. They had started out as gruff orders and ended as pleas "Jason call me please. If you don't I'll come over and break down the damn door." He had driven through heavy snow to Jason's home - but there was no one home. The apartment was dark with no sign of life.

On Sunday he couldn't take it any more so he called Jason's brother. He thought that if he didn't tell him who he was he'd get better results. Jason's brother, sounding tired, had told AJ he didn't know where he could find him. AJ had put down the phone before the man on the other end could start asking questions he didn't want to answer. For some reason he couldn't get a hold of Jason's parents - he'd called them when he had finally become desperate enough on Sunday evening.

The horrifying feeling of loss followed him around - now he feared walking into his own office. AJ knew that Jason, honorable as he is, would honor his contract and the term of notice. Funny how Tiner kept turning into Jason in his mind. What the hell was he going to say to him?

Fuck it!! I'll just get him in the office and hug him, then see what happens.

AJ Chegwidden stepped out of the elevator, bellowing his usual `As you were' and walking faster than normal through the bullpen, totally oblivious off the horde of red-rimmed eyes following him all the way to his office - even the sobs from lieutenant Simms' shaking body went unnoted.

He couldn't help feeling disappointed when he found the outer office empty. Passing Tiner's desk, - there was no sign that his yeoman had come in yet - AJ felt the sadness creep up on him, forming a lump in his throat - he had to swallow hard to get rid of it.

He didn't desert me did he? No he wouldn't do that.

But something inside AJ was screaming in agony - ignoring it, he entered his office.

Now seated at his desk, AJ was holding on to a letter - he recognized the handwriting - he couldn't read it and he couldn't NOT read it. His brain was still screaming at him to leave it alone - that something didn't feel right.

Hell AJ, pull yourself together. If he wants to leave you can't force him to stay. I can try and talk him out of it and I will.

As he read the letter every thing seemed to fall into place. He didn't know what he expected to read but a love letter turning into a when-you-read-this-I'll-be....

* * *
Harm and Mac had been holding onto each other when the Admiral walked through bullpen. Mac stretched her uniform to even out imagined wrinkles. Their eyes meet and they nodded in mutual silence and moved to follow the Admiral.

On their way, Rabb and Mac quietly argued with each other who was the better to inform their CO.

As they reached the door to the Admirals office - the sound from inside told them that their mission was redundant.

"Damn it!!!! You stupid boy, why the hell did you have to go do that for." AJ roared out -it couldn't be, but he knew it to be true - he felt it to the core of his very being -he clutched the letter in his hand holding it to his heart as it broke into a million pieces. The intense pain was earth shattering - he felt like dying, "Oh God Jason I love you... you stupid, stupid boy." He sobbed out breaking the dam, letting all of his emotions run in a steady stream down his face.

The End