Title: Splendor in the Grass-

Author: BuffyAngel68

Peja asked for something light and cutesy-wootsey, so I thought I'd toss out this little piece of fluff I created for a Spring challenge on my I-Man fic list. It was one of those 'pick at least five items
from this list of ten and include them in the story' things. Look for an english muffin, Mona of Mona's beauty supply, 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts', water skis, a shower cap and a chase scene in something other than a car or van. Enjoy!

Splendor in the Grass-
by BuffyAngel68

"A joint?! You and Eberts shared a joint?! How could you do somethin' so stupid, Claire!" Bobby hissed at the blonde behind him as he sidled around the back end of a car.

"It wasn't my fault, Bobby! It isn't like we do this every day and *he* didn't tell me he'd just started taking a prescription for his allergies!" the Keeper retorted angrily.

"You couldn't ask?! The last thing I needed today was to be chasin' a toked up pencil pusher around the parkin' garage. Geez.... If we don't catch him, the fat man's gonna have us all shot! Then he'll really get unpleasant.... Fawkes! Can you see him?"

"Yeah.... wish I couldn't." came a disembodied whisper from the walkie-talkie in Bobby's hand. "He's laid out on the trunk lid of that blue sedan about twenty feet to your left... half naked."

"The good half?"

"No such luck..."

"Is he conscious, or out cold or what?"

Suddenly a surprisingly clear and sweet tenor drifted to the ears of the three searchers.

"Mairsy doats and doesy doats and liddle-ambsey diiiii- I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, see them here all standing in a.... row, row, row your boat, gently down the... stream.... stream.... Oh,
pooh."

The song faded, and Eberts spoke up, requesting help, but not the type his friends were planning on giving him. "Does anybody know a song that begins with the word stream? If I could just think of one, I could keep the game going... Oh! Never mind! I have it... gently down the stream weaver, I believe you can get me through the night...."

"Ebes? You just stay calm, buddy. Stay calm and stay right where you are... me an' Darien an' Claire are on the way..."

"Good. Bring more of those wonderful herbal cigarettes. Claire was right... I could really do with more fun in my life and they certainly are fun...."

Bobby glared over his shoulder at Claire, who promptly buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"You didn't tell him?!"

"He never would have agreed and I didn't have the courage to do it alone...."

"How does one weave a stream? Unless it's a stream of consciousness, of course, but then... no. How does a stream of consciousness get one through... the night the lights went out in... Georgia, Georgia..." Eberts warbled, returning to his song game as his mind side-slipped. Unfortunately for his would be rescuers, he gained focus just at the wrong time. Abruptly, he sat up, leapt off the car and began to jog away, in search of his own vehicle. He found it and made it inside before they could reach him.

"Eberts! Where the hell are you going?" Bobby shouted.

"To Georgia... " the other man replied through the open driver's side window. "Apparently they've had a power failure and can't see well enough to row... or the boats are too light and they're weaving all over the stream... at any rate I must go help them.. perhaps weighing the boats down with all those coconuts would help..." he mused as he pulled out of his parking space and roared
away, nearly backing over Hobbes as he approached the car.

"Eberts! Damn! Get the van, Fawkes! We gotta go after him."

"You mean a plane, don't you? He did say he was goin' to Georgia."

This earned Darien a slap to the back of the head. "Ow! What?"

"He was talkin' about boats too. He'll probably go for the first stretch of open water he sees. Go get the van!"

*

"There! That's his car down by that dock." Bobby announced, several minutes of fruitless searching later.

"Somethin's goin' on, that's for sure. Whoever that guy is he looks pissed."

" 'Scuse me. Hey. What happened?" Bobby called to the stranger as they pulled in and parked.

"Some nutjob just drove up, knocked me into the water and stole my speed-boat!"

"Did he say anything?"

"Nothing that made any sense. He mumbled something about using peaches instead of coconuts, then he took off with the boat singing some freaky combo of Georgia on My Mind and My Ding-a-Ling at the top of his lungs. Go find him, willya? I want my boat back."

Frantically, Bobby gazed around, searching for another boat they could use to catch up to Eberts. He discovered one, but Darien backed away in terror.

"No! No way, Hobbes! I know you an' you'll never let me drive...."

"There's only two seats. Besides, do you know how to drive a boat?"

"No..."

"Okay then. Get outta your shoes an' socks, put this on" he said, throwing Darien a life vest. " an' strap on the water skis."

"I'm not gettin' salt water in my hair! Gimme a shower cap or somethin'..."

"Who do you think I am, Mona, of Mona's Beauty Supply? Get the skis on, damn it! Claire, you're in the boat with me."

"Bobby.. I can't. I hate the water..."

"You started this mess, you help stop it. In the boat!"

Valiantly holding down the contents of her breakfast, Claire climbed in beside Bobby.

Within a few minutes, Darien, after some help from his partner, had gotten the skis on properly and gotten his sea legs and the boat raced away, tracking their befuddled colleague.

"There he is!" Hobbes shouted over the din of the water and the motor. "That's gotta be him! Get ready to jump into his boat, Fawkes! I'll get you as close as I can! Claire? You doin' okay?"

In response, the blonde leaned further over the side of the boat and continued to rid herself of everything she'd eaten in the past week. "Sorry, Keepie, but it ain't gonna get much better. Hang
on." he warned as he brought the boat around in a fast, sweeping curve, following the erratic movements of his target. Eventually, he was able to pull even with and pass Eberts, bringing Darien into a position to make a leap into the other boat.

"Jump, Fawkes! Now!"

"You're a psycho.... and I will never let you forget you did this to me!"

"Just jump!"

Releasing the tow rope with his right hand, Darien clawed at the edge of Eberts' boat, not adding his left until he had a firm grip on the rail. Slowly, ignoring the protests of his biceps, fingers and shoulders, he hauled himself over the side and onto safe territory once again. Ripping off the skis, he stumbled forward and shut down the boat. The agency accountant merely stared at him in
confusion, clarity finally beginning to seep back into his expression.

"Darien? What are you... what am I doing here... where are my clothes?!"

"You'll have to ask Claire about that, bud. Once she stops tossin' her cookies that is."

"Seems like you can pilot that thing pretty good, Ebes." Bobby observed. "Think you can follow me back to the dock?"

"Uh... yes. I believe.... there wouldn't be a blanket... or some such item nearby..."

Darien stripped off his life vest and wrapped it around Eberts' waist, securing it as best he could with the Velcro straps.

"Good enough. Start that thing back up, Eberts. We gotta get you an' the seasick English muffin over here back to the Agency pronto..."



END