Title: Shattered

Author/pseudonym: Caffre

Fandom: In Deep

Rating: R

Status: new

Archive: Yes to WWOMB. Anywhere else, just let me know, kay?

Feedback: Yep.

Series/Sequel: No

Disclaimers: Characters belong to Valentine Productions and the B.B.C. Just the story they're in belongs to me.

Summary: Pam's dead and yet things somehow get worse...

Notes: Pam is Liam's wife, Max and Nicola are his children and Sophie is a shrink for the London Met. Police force. Garth and Kelly are Liam's partners in the police.

Warnings: Major spoilers for the 2nd series finale Abuse of Trust.

**Shattered**
by Caffre

"How is he?"

Garth heard the voice, he just didn't see the point in answering. It was a stupid question to begin with and the sudden, explosive urge to tell her so died when he turned round and saw red-rimmed eyes looking down at him.

"Christ. You look worse than I feel Kell. How are you holding up?"

Kelly just sat down in the cold hard plastic seat beside him, her hand automatically reaching for the cigarettes in her pocket before she realised she was in a hospital.

"Better. I mean, I didn't know her or anything, but." Kelly pulled back the tears. She was supposed to be an undercover cop, she was supposed to be able to deal with things that would break other people and here she was with someone she secretly thought of as one of her mentors, ready to blub like a baby.

Garth just smiled sadly at her. "Hey. You should have seen me earlier." He reached out and rubbed away a tear she hadn't even noticed trickling down her cheek.

Quiet fell down on the pair of them, despite the steady stream of people talking and complaining and generally making themselves heard in the Accident and Emergency department. Life was going on all around them; it was bleeding and screaming and laughing and crying everywhere except down in the morgue; down in the cold where the post mortem exam was being carried out.

Garth looked down at his feet, staring at the stained tiles that covered the floor of the A & E. He still couldn't believe this had happened. That Pam was.

Not like that. Anything but that.

His throat suddenly felt tight, blocked almost as if something had lodged itself there. He coughed once or twice, and it did seem to help a little. Not that it mattered really. He didn't feel like anything much mattered.

"Jesus." He turned to Kelly, shock written all over his face. "Nicola and Max! Oh fuck! Where."

"Garth, it's alright! They're.fine. Liam's mother came up from Dorset. She's.looking after them. Sophie's with them too."

Sophie. Garth just nodded. He knew this was going to screw Max up. Locked in a cupboard, as his mother had slowly died inches away from him? How could it not mess him up in someway? According to Liam he'd already been acting up before all this had happened. But to know that someone was hurting his mother.stealing away her life with so many things he hadn't told him.

Him?

He knew a Freudian cock-up when he heard one in his own head. Barry. His father. There where so many things Garth had always wanted to say to his old man, but he'd always figured he'd do it later, when he was somehow less angry with him. He was either too busy or his dad was doing the doting drunken act with his other family or he was too angry to go near the man in case he lashed out and killed him himself. Only now he never would say anything to his face again. The most he could ask for now was a conversation with a slab of fake marble with his name, age and date of death on it.

Just like Max.

Garth just suddenly stood up. Images he didn't want flashed over and over in his head. His dad lying dead at his feet, Pam screaming at him for help. Max lying dead beside Pam. "I have to go outside."

Kelly made a move too. "I'll come with you."

"No!" He knew he'd spoken too loudly. Others in the waiting area just looked at him as if he'd just interrupted their little party. He lowered his voice. "I just need five minutes on my own ok?" He turned and walked out past the other people in the row he was in. "Come and get me if they have anything to say about Liam?"

Kelly just nodded.

* * * * *

Outside, things seemed a little better, especially as he pulled in another lungful of smoke. Things would look even better with a drink, but that would have to wait till he got back home. Drown the guilt in some cheap vodka from Tesco's.

God, he should have stayed focused. He'd known something was wrong with that scenario. He'd played targets before; manipulated them into taking him in the direction he wanted them to go. Why the hell hadn't he recognised it when someone else had been doing it? Even as he thought he was going to die himself that way, tied up, the cord around his neck getting tighter as the drug in his system had forced his muscles to relax, forcing him forward and choking him slow, he'd come away with the impression that it just wasn't the same as the other killings.

He should have said more.

He should have listened to himself; trusted his own instincts instead of ignoring them.

Something to think about when you're alone in the dark, he thought to himself.

Still, he knew it wasn't going to do any good now. He had other things to think about. Like how the hell he was going to make this up to Liam.

A hand touched his shoulder, pulling him back from the brink of where his thoughts had been heading again.

"Garth?"

Sniffing, he turned to face her. "Yeah?"

"The ME's just called. He's back with his report. Do you want me to."

"Nah. I'd better. I knew her, so."

Kelly nodded. "All right. I'll call you if there's any word about Liam. You take care yeah?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Throwing his cigarette to the concrete, he ground his heel down on it. This was not going to be pleasant.

* * * * *

"Mr. O' Hanlon?"

Garth took a deep breath before entering the morgue. "Yeah. That's me."

The man, covered in green plastic protective clothing nodded. "I'm Doctor Keller. I'm sorry about this, but as detective Ketman is otherwise in-disposed and you are listed as his contact should anything have happen to him."

"You want an official i.d. on the body, right?"

"I'm afraid so. From what I understand of his condition at the moment, Mr. Ketman's in no fit state to be doing this and the sooner it's done." The Doctor sighed. "If you'll just follow me?"

Garth followed him through the lab and into a small room that was obviously just a step or two away from the morgue itself. The smell and the sense of death pervaded the atmosphere, reminding him of a dislike of butchers he'd had as a child.

He swallowed past that lump in his throat again, looking past the Doctor to a table, knowing what would be under the white sheet.

All cut up and nowhere to go.

"I understand you where quite close to the family."

Garth said nothing. He didn't think he could. Everything was turning into background noise as he stared at the shape distinguishable underneath the white sheet that covered her.

He stepped forward, focusing a look on the woman who stood to one side, her job right now to pull back the sheet for Garth so he could make a positive identification on the body. "I'll do it." She just nodded. She'd obviously had to deal with all manner of people in here. The customer was
always right.

Reaching out a hand, he pulled back the cloth.

She looked terrible. Disturbingly natural looking in death, looking like she had hurt a lot before she'd died. No undertaker had touched her yet. No make-up, no special effects had been added. Just eyes wide and staring, caught in a moment that had more than likely seen her wishing for her
children to be safe, to see them one last time as it started to get dark, for someone to come and get her away in the nick of time.

He gently caressed her brow with a stroke of his thumb. "But they didn't though, did they Pam?"

Skin paler than it had a right to be, than it should have been, memories of times it had been sun-kissed brown.

Lips blue instead of red rose or that heather shimmer she'd once laughingly painted on his own lips in a moment from years ago at a party they'd had.

And she was cold. Hard to the touch. And if he choose to, he knew he would find the stitches from the Y- section incision on her chest, the scars from the last invasion of privacy she would have to endure, if he could just somehow pull down the sheet a little further...

"Mr. O'Hanlon?"

The Doctors voice cut through his own morbid thoughts. Garth looked down at her one last time before nodding, wiping a few tears from out of his eyes. "Yeah. That's Pam. Or, it was. Sorry. I have.I have to get the hell out of here."

The Doctor stepped out of his way, Garth heading out into the relatively clean air of the corridor and breathing it in to clean himself somehow of the bitter taste that seemed to be in his mouth.

The Doctor followed him out, finding him leaning up against a wall and lighting up another cigarette.

"Just don't alright! I've had enough today without some hospital no-smoking policy shit ok?"

Doctor Keller just nodded his agreement, saying nothing but still looking uncomfortable. "There was something else. Something found in the autopsy."

He hadn't thought it possible to feel more afraid of something right now after it was all over. After Pam. "What?" He felt sick. He wanted to be anywhere else but here, looking at the sympathy this Doctor had to dish out to people every single day.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just come straight to the point. Mrs. Ketman was pregnant when she died. About a month along."

For a second Garth couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Pregnant? No. She couldn't have been. They'd split up."

But she'd just taken him back. She must have had her reasons for it. She must have known it was Liam's to be giving him that second chance. Maybe this had been the deciding factor. Something she felt was worth giving her marriage another shot for.

Suddenly he had to get out. He couldn't be here anymore. Pushing past the Doctor, he was running blindly before he finally came out through some doors and into the open.

Pregnant.

Pam was dead. The baby was dead and so was any hope Liam might have had for the future. All dead.

Dead dead dead.

Life just wasn't fair.

The End.