Title: The Hot Chicks

Author: Thesseli

Fandom: I Dream of Jeannie

Pairing: None

Rating: PG-13

Archive: Yes.

Warning: Gender reversal and minor squick alert (for male readers).

Disclaimer: I don't own any character from I Dream of Jeannie.

No money is being made, and no NASA personnel were harmed in the writing of this fanfic.

The Hot Chicks
by Thesseli

Part One: Those Two Are Really Asking For It

"All I’m saying is that I think they’re making too big a deal over it, that’s all."

"I do not think so, Major Healey," Jeannie replied patiently. "I think they are perfectly within their rights to aspire for more than they already have," she said, quoting from what she’d heard on the television.

A curious Major Anthony Nelson peered out from his kitchen into the living room, where Jeannie and Roger were watching TV. The two of them were intent on the news program, a late-night broadcast that was evidently inciting some controversy, not just between them but wherever the incident was occurring.

"What’s going on?" asked Tony, after coming back with a glass of orange juice. He glanced at the television screen; it showed a group of young people, mostly women, holding signs and banners. "What’s got you two so stirred up? Another anti-war protest?"

"No, Master -- Major Healey does not think that there is anything wrong with how women are treated in your ‘modern’ society," Jeannie said, folding her arms. "He does not think that they should be concerned that they are not paid well for their work, or that it is difficult for them to advance when they do work or if they go on to higher education. That is what these people are demonstrating for."

"That’s not what I said," Roger tried to explain. "I meant that most of the time women have it a lot easier than men, so they shouldn’t get so worked up over things like that."

She shook her head. "Do you see what I am dealing with, Master?" Jeannie asked in exasperation.

"Well Jeannie," Tony said, trying to be the mediator. "I understand why you might think the way you do, but I can see Roger’s point. There are a lot of things that are much easier for women than men."

"Yeah," said Roger. "Look at it this way…" he began ticking off his points on his fingers. "Women don’t have to worry about asking someone out on a date, they don’t have to pay for the date once they’re on it, they don’t have to work after they get married—"

"And taking care of their house and their children and their husband does not count as
work?"

"Well…not exactly," said Tony apologetically. "Look, Jeannie, I know how hard women work to keep their homes and families happy -- I remember how my mother used to do it -- but in our culture staying at home and watching the kids just doesn’t compare to going out and earning a living."

"So this is why you take his side," Jeannie said, with narrowed eyes. "You think that women do nothing all day while their husbands go off to work."

"Now you know that’s not what I meant, Jeannie…"

"Yeah, why are you getting so worked up about this?" asked Roger. "It’s not like you came from a time where women were treated all that differently."

"It is precisely that reason," she countered. "You like to think how advanced you all are, but really your time is not that different from mine."

"But Jeannie, things are changing. I mean, it was only about fifty years ago when women couldn’t vote, and they were expected to wear corsets when they went out…I don’t know about you, but those things looked pretty uncomfortable to me." He smiled at her, trying to cajole her into dropping the subject. "C’mon…why don’t you forget about all this, and tomorrow we can take a drive to the beach, and spend the whole day there…just you and
me. What do you say?"

For a moment, Jeannie looked like she was about to continue her argument; then her expression slowly turned into a smile. "That would be wonderful, Master," she said, a little too sweetly.
"In fact, I think I will be going to bed early, so I will be ready to make an early start of it."

Tony was relieved, and thankful that the promise of a day together seemed to have gotten her past her irritation. "You do that, Jeannie."

"Y’know, I think I’ll be running along too. I have a date tomorrow night, and I need to run a bunch of errands and have everything ready in my apartment before then."

"That sounds lovely, Major Healey -- I am sure that the girl you will be seeing tomorrow will be most appreciative," she said. Neither he nor Tony noticed the odd glint in her eyes as she spoke.

"Why thank you Jeannie," he replied graciously. "Well, I guess I’ll be going. Got a lot of sleeping to do before tomorrow."

"Bye, Rog," said Tony. "Golf on Sunday?"

"I wouldn’t miss it for the world," he said.

Jeannie stood before the two of them. "I am very sleepy too." She yawned. "So I will be going into my bottle now. Goodnight to both of you."

"Goodnight."

"’Night, Jeannie."

With that, she became a cloud of pink smoke and settled back into her bottle. When she reappeared inside, her eyes still had that amused sparkle and she was trying very hard to keep her laughter from bubbling out.

"Oh Master," she giggled to herself. "I do not think you will be going to the beach tomorrow…"


Several hours later…

"Master?" came Jeannie’s hushed, rather excited whisper.

"Mm..huh?" Tony mumbled into his pillow. "What is it, Jeannie?"

"I would like to postpone our day at the beach for a little while, if it is all right with you. I would like to visit my mother this weekend."

"At four in the morning?" he asked, after a brief glance at his alarm clock.

"It is not four in the morning where mother is, Master."

"Sure, Jeannie," he murmured. "You go ahead. Take all the time you need." He yawned and turned over on his side. "You have a good time."

"Oh, I will, Master," she replied…and blinked.

***

Roger Healey woke up around 8:30 the next morning, well-rested and looking forward to his day. There was a lot that he needed to do before this evening, and the earlier he could start the
better. He sat up in bed and yawned, scratching his head; he’d been having all kinds of strange dreams that he couldn’t seem to remember now that it was light.

He yawned again, swinging his feet over the side of the bed; he stood, then headed for the bathroom.

There was a moment of dead silence once he’d gone in; then, from behind the closed door, there was a shriek. A high-pitched, decidedly feminine shriek.

Part Two: A Change Will Do You Good

Tony awoke the next morning to the sound of his front doorbell. Before he had the chance to react to it, however, the ringing was replaced by someone banging on the door.

His eyes opened and he rubbed them blearily, trying to see the clock. He shook his head. Who in the world would be visiting at this hour, on his day off?

"Just when I thought I could sleep in," he murmured, dragging himself up and out of bed. He pulled on his bathrobe and headed for the living room.

The frantic pounding continued. "All right, all right, I’m coming," he muttered, somewhat annoyed at the unexpected disturbance. He’d been almost relieved when Jeannie told him
she wanted to visit her family this weekend; that meant that he could have some peace and quiet, if only temporarily. You never knew what might happen when Jeannie was around.

Tony opened the door, only to find a rather attractive woman with piercing blue eyes glaring at him. She was wearing obviously oversized, ill-fitting clothing, and had what looked like a man’s suit jacket pulled tightly around her.

"Yes?" he asked in confusion, not recognizing the woman on his doorstep. She ignored his questioning look, pushing past him and going inside.

She stood before him. "Look at me," she demanded indignantly, opening the jacket. "Just look at me."

Tony was still sleepy, and was becoming more bewildered by the minute. He didn’t understand what was going on here. All he knew was that someone he didn’t know had forced her way into his living room, and that it was probably a good thing Jeannie wasn’t there -- he knew how jealous she could get when other women dropped by. "Listen, Miss, I don’t know who you are, but—"

"You don’t know who I am?" the woman repeated. "You don’t know who I am? I’m your best friend, that’s who I am. Don’t you recognize me?"

Tony shook his head, wondering if he should call the base. This girl clearly needed a psychiatrist, preferably a world-class one, but Dr. Bellows would do in a pinch. "No, Miss, I’m really afraid I don’t…"

She scowled. "Look closer."

Tony did so, mainly to humor her. Now that he was seeing her up close, he had to admit that she did look familiar. Very familiar, actually, but he just couldn’t place her.

She seemed to read his expression perfectly. "Maybe this will help your memory," she said, lifting up the front of her ill-fitting shirt. Tony was just about to avert his eyes -- he was a gentleman, after all -- but she stopped before anything compromising could be seen. She pointed to a scar on her abdomen. "This is from when you almost took my appendix out --
lucky for me they found another doctor to do it." She dropped the hem of her shirt and put her hands on her hips. "Do you recognize me *now*, Tony?"

Tony couldn’t suppress the look of shocked recognition on his face as understanding dawned. No wonder she looked so familiar! "Roger?" he asked, in a small voice.

She threw her hands in the air. "Finally." She stalked past him and plopped down on the couch. "You don’t know what it was like trying to get over here without anybody seeing me. Plus trying to sneak out of my apartment so my neighbors wouldn’t think I’d had a girl over and then kicked her out after stealing her clothes…as you can see none of mine fit; the closest I got were these things that I haven’t worn for years. And shoes? Forget it. They practically fall off whenever I take a step. Where’s Jeannie?"

"She went to visit her mother," Tony replied, still gazing in wonder at his friend. He couldn’t help but stare at her…him, Tony corrected himself. *Him*.

Roger paled noticeably. "You’re kidding."

"No," he replied, not knowing what else to say, and forced back a smile. It was kind of funny, after all -- Roger must have really annoyed Jeannie last night, and she’d apparently decided to teach him some kind of lesson.

"Are you *laughing*, Tony?" he asked.

"Look, Rog, I’m really sorry…I guess Jeannie got a little aggravated at what you were saying last night, about how women have it so easy. I’m sure she’ll put you back to normal as soon
as she gets back."

Roger raised an eyebrow. "She’ll put *me* back to normal," he said, a strange lilt in his voice. "You haven’t looked in the mirror this morning, have you?"

A sudden sinking feeling hit Tony. He’ d been agreeing with most of what Roger said last night, after all. He fumbled with the tie on his bathrobe, pulling it open cautiously. He looked down.

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes," said Roger, still on the couch. "And not that you don’t make a nice looking girl, Tony, but I’d really like to get back to normal."

"Jeannie," Tony called, into empty air. "Jeannie!"

A small, pink piece of paper fluttered down from the ceiling. Tony caught it, then read what it said out loud.

"Dear Master, thank you for letting me visit my mother this weekend. I will be back soon; until then, I hope you and Major Healey will enjoy learning how ‘easy’ all us women have it. Love, Jeannie."

Tony clutched the paper in his hand, rubbing his forehead and looking at his friend apologetically.

"So what are we going to do now?" Roger exclaimed.

"I guess we just have to wait until she gets back," he said weakly.

"Well that’s all right for you, but what about me? I have a date tonight! With a cute little nurse from the base who just loves men in uniform!"

"You’ll just have to cancel it, Rog -- you can’t go out looking like that."

Roger’s eyes narrowed. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

Tony blinked in surprise at his tone of voice. "It means exactly what it sounded like -- you can’t go out looking like that."

"Why not?" he asked indignantly. "I happen to think that I look pretty good, considering that I’ve never had to get dressed with *these* before," he said, indicating the bits of his anatomy
that were poorly hidden by the suit jacket.

Tony rolled his eyes, remembering how Roger had been when Jeannie turned him into a poodle -- how insulted he’d gotten when Tony said he looked old and sick, even though it had only
been meant to keep those other people from taking him from the pound. He’d never realized that Roger was so touchy about his appearance; and this seemed to be the same sort of thing. "It’s not that you don’t look nice, Rog," he explained patiently, "but don’t you think people might get a little suspicious if they see a girl dressed in Major Healey’s uniform?"

"Maybe they’ll just think I got lucky," he retorted.

Tony rolled his eyes again. "With a girl who looks enough like Major Healey to pass for a close relative, and who’s out on a date with another girl?"

Roger frowned. "I suppose you’re right," he admitted. "I’m sorry, Tony, it’s just that I haven’t really been feeling that good since I woke up and found myself like this." He shifted uncomfortably on the couch, rubbing at his lower abdomen. "I feel kind of sore, right here." He looked down at the place where his hand was, then glanced over at Tony with big, worried eyes. "What do you suppose that means?"

Tony’s mind flashed back to basic human anatomy; in particular, female anatomy. He opened his mouth, then thought better of what he was about to say. "It means I should probably get to a
drugstore," he said quickly.

Roger stared at him in disbelief, obviously realizing just what his hand was resting over. "Oh no…Tony, she wouldn’t have—"

"I’m sorry, Rog…look, until I get back, you might want to take an aspirin or something," he said, giving Roger a friendly squeeze on the shoulder. "I’ll be back as soon as I can."

Roger slid down onto the sofa and groaned. "Jeannie!"

Part Three: Some Like It Hot

Tony was about to go in search of something to wear when the phone rang.

He and Roger looked at each other. "Who could be calling now?"

"Maybe it’s Jeannie," Roger said hopefully.

Tony nodded and picked up the phone. "Hello?" he said. (Roger shook his head fervently and mouthed ‘Your voice’ to him.) Realizing what he’d just done, he cleared his throat and dropped down to a whisper. "Hello?" he repeated.

"Tony?" came the puzzled response from the other end of the line.

"General Peterson?" he asked, still whispering.

"Tony, is that you? Do you have a cold or something?"

"Laryngitis," he said hastily. "I think it’s going around."

"Oh. Tony, I need you and Major Healey to stop by the base sometime today to pick up the data on the latest lunar mission simulation. I hate to drop this in your lap on your day off,
but General Burke is really hammering me to have it in to him on Monday."

"That’s all right, sir," he replied. "We’ll have it ready and on your desk Monday morning."

"That’s great, son. And if you see Major Healey, let him know too. I’ve been trying to reach him, but there’s no answer at his apartment."

"He’s probably on his way here," said Tony. "I’ll tell him when he gets in."

"Thanks."

"We’ll have *what* ready for him on Monday morning?" Roger asked suspiciously, after Tony hung up.

"Our report on the latest lunar simulation."

"But all our work on it is at the base."

"I know."

"But that means you have to go there and get it."

"No, Roger," he replied evenly. "It means *we* have to go there and get it."

"Me?" he asked, putting a hand to his chest. "But I can’t go out. I’m about to be in the middle of a delicate condition…"

"I’m going to get you something that will take care of that," he said patiently.

"But what about our clothes? You may be able to get away with a trip to the drugstore dressed like everything but your husband’s things are in the laundry, but we can’t go to the base like
that. Someone’s bound to see us and start asking questions."

"You’re right," Tony agreed. "So while I’m out, I’m going to get us something to wear."

"I hope you don’t try to use your credit card; you sure don’t look like a Tony anymore," Roger said with a grin.

"I’m not going to buy anything," he said. "I’m going to…borrow some things."

Roger’s mouth fell open. "You mean steal? How are you going to do that? It’s not like you can physically overpower some girls and take their stuff, you’ll get arrested…"

"I’m not going to rob anyone, Rog, I’m going to borrow a few things from people’s clotheslines. We can return them after Jeannie gets back…I hope," he said, under his breath. He hoped Jeannie wouldn’t be carrying on this ‘lesson’ for very much longer.

Roger looked like he was about to protest again, but Tony cut him off. "If I’m going back to the base, then you’re coming with me. But first, I need to get dressed."

"Good luck," said Roger, settling in on the couch and turning on the TV.

Tony hurried back into his bedroom, searching his closet and dresser until he found something he might be able to get away with. A pair of shorts -- rather long on him, but he wasn’t really up to showing that much leg anyway. (Jeannie seemed to have taken modern cultural biases into account, as he thankfully didn’t have to shave his legs before going out this morning.) He also chose a belt to hold the shorts up, a short-sleeved shirt, and an old pair of sneakers that he could lace tightly -- they were still much too large, but they were the closest he could get.

He paused in front of the mirror, mainly to make sure he wasn’t inadvertently exposing anything he shouldn’t. He was a little afraid of what he was going to see, but he had to admit that he
didn’t look bad. His hair was long and curled softly around his shoulders, and his eyes were bright and framed by long dark lashes. Like Roger, he could have passed for a close relative of who he really was.

"Aw, you look really cute, Tony," said Roger, after he’d come back to the living room.

"I’ll take that as a compliment," he said wryly. "Now look, Rog, you just sit tight -- I’ll bring back something for you, and I’ll try to find something for us to wear. All right?"

"All right," he said. "But nothing in red…I don’t look good in red."

Tony sighed. "Whatever you say."

Part Four: What It Feels Like for a Girl

Major Anthony Nelson was not a happy man. In any sense of the word.

All the way to the drugstore, Tony had been worried that someone he knew might recognize his car, and also recognize that the person driving it wasn’t him. However, that was definitely a
better scenario than someone identifying both him and the car! If called on it, he supposed he could say he was Major Nelson’s sister; but anyone who knew anything about him would realize it was a lie. All he could do was hope that nobody he knew saw him…it would be too hard to try to explain this away. And it would be worse when they went to the base later to pick up their work. Maybe they should take Roger’s car -- they could always say that they were friends of his and the Major had lent it to them. That was more believable; Roger might do something like that if he thought it would improve his chances with a girl. He’d always been the type who could be taken in by a pretty face.

No, that wasn’t fair, Tony thought. Roger just had a weakness for the fairer sex, that was all. He’d been like that since they met. He wondered how Roger would handle it if Jeannie didn’t get back soon. Tony wasn’t exactly comfortable with their current situation, but at least he didn’t have Roger’s…peculiarities.

He sighed. If only General Peterson had talked to them yesterday. Then they could have taken all the data home with them and they wouldn’t even have to go out of the house (except for the visit to the drugstore) until Jeannie returned. Tony had never felt so self-conscious in his life as on this trip across town.

At least, not until he actually reached his destination.

Get in, get what he needed, and get out as quickly as possible. That was his plan. He made his way through the store, not looking at anyone and not stopping to browse until he turned down the unfamiliar aisle. But then he was confronted with another problem. He had no idea what to buy.

All right, he had a general idea of what to get. But there were a multitude of products to select from, and he really didn’t know what criteria women employed to choose between them. Maybe he should just take the first thing he could grab so he could get out of there fast.

"Oh honey, you don’t want that brand," said someone beside him, just as he was reaching for the shelf. "That’s the cheapest kind. Try these instead."

Tony almost jumped at the familiar voice, and turned to see Amanda Bellows holding out a small box. Aside from the fact that she was now taller than him, he was surprised at the helpful expression on her face. She didn’t look at all the way she usually did -- which was either irritated at her husband or mildly condescending to anyone who was below her husband’s rank.
Today she seemed almost friendly.

"Thank you," he replied automatically, taking it from her and reading what was on the package. "But it’s not for me, it’s for a friend."

"Oh…do you know what she likes to use?"

Tony paused. "I don’t think she really has a preference."

"All right…tell her she should try these, and if she isn’t satisfied I’d be very surprised."

"Gee thanks, Mrs. Bellows," he said with a smile…then froze as he realized what he’d just said.

She looked at him quizzically. "How did you know my name?"

"Um…" he glanced around, his eyes darting frantically until they happened to fall on another familiar figure. (And for once, Tony was glad to see him.) "I recognized your husband, from a
NASA tour I took." He smiled again and tried to look as innocent as possible.

"Why thank you, Miss; I’m flattered that you remember me," said Dr. Bellows, coming up behind his wife. "But I can’t say that I remember you."

"Oh, you wouldn’t, sir, it was a long time ago."

"I see," he said, stepping closer and peering at him intently. "You do seem very familiar, though…"

"Well, I hate to be running off so soon, but I have a friend who really needs these…thanks again, Mrs. Bellows, Dr. Bellows," he said, backing away and then hurrying to the next aisle over. It happened to be the cosmetics section.

Tony looked at the makeup, then shrugged. If they had to pass as women, they should probably try to blend in as much as possible. He picked up a few things, then headed for the checkout counter. He was in such a rush to get out that he nearly dropped the money he’d had stuffed in his pocket. He was grateful that he was halfway to the door before Dr. Bellows and his wife got up to the register.

"Thank goodness that’s over with," he breathed, as he drove out of the parking lot. "Now for the easy part -- burglary and grand theft."

***

As it turned out, that *was* the easy part. Tony had no trouble sneaking into a few backyards and gathering up a modest collection of women’s clothing. He even managed to snag a couple of pairs of shoes someone had left out on her step. He was very proud of himself, and couldn’t keep the look of triumph off his face as he pulled into his driveway and stepped through the front door.

Roger was still on the couch, curled up and clutching his belly.

"Hey, Rog," he said sympathetically, coming over to him.

"Hey, Tony. Did you, um, get…you know…?"

"Yes, and I got some other things too. We shouldn’t have a problem going out later."

"I don’t want to go out. I want to lie here for the rest of the week, maybe longer," he declared, curling up a bit more.

Tony patted him on the shoulder. "Don’t worry. I got some kind of extra-strength painkiller that’s made especially for this sort of thing."

Roger sat up slowly. "Thanks. You’re a real pal."

"Don’t mention it," said Tony, and handed him the bottle of pills and a small box in a plain brown bag. Roger peeked inside, then closed it quickly and looked away. Tony cleared his throat, trying to offer his support. "Be strong, Rog. Be brave."

"Be brave?" Roger repeated, still looking dubiously at the bag. "Of all the crazy things that’ve happened to me since Jeannie showed up, this is probably the last thing I ever thought I’d be
doing."

Tony felt like he was giving a pep talk. "Roger, you’re an astronaut. You have one of the most hazardous jobs in the world -- you face danger every day, and you’ve done things that most men don’t have the courage or the intelligence to do. What you’re going through now is nothing compared to that. So go on."

Roger, still looking miserable, took another peek in the bag and moaned. "I can’t believe I’m doing this." He dragged himself off the sofa, looked at Tony kind of cockeyed, and headed into
the bathroom.

"Good luck," Tony offered.

From behind the door there was a groan. "I’m supposed to do *what* with these things?"

Part Five: Some Like It Red

A few hours later, Roger was feeling much better, and the two of them were getting ready for their ‘mission’.

Tony couldn’t help but be relieved. He knew he couldn’t go alone -- he needed a lookout while he was there, and now that Roger was back to normal (sort of) they could finally pick up their data from the base. They would be spending the least amount of time there as possible, since neither of them felt like explaining any long-long sisters of Majors Nelson and Healey to anyone they might meet. Tony was also glad that the two of them were becoming a bit less uncomfortable with their condition. He’d already told himself that this was just like any other of Jeannie’s magical mistakes, and he wasn’t going to let this phase him any more than the previous ones had. He’d been turned into a dog, a skunk, and a monkey before...at least in his current form he was still able to talk. Roger agreed that this was a good thing, and now that they were over the initial shock, going about their normal business this weekend would be a snap. Neither of them were nearly as self-conscious as they’d been earlier that day, and being dressed more appropriately helped. Now they wouldn’t have to worry about being stared at because of how they looked. Of course, they were a little embarrassed at some of their articles of clothing. It wasn’t so much the outer garments, but what was underneath. Wearing a stranger’s underwear wasn’t something either of them was enthusiastic about (even if it was freshly washed) and what they had to choose from was very different from what they were used to...but there were some things you just couldn’t wear an undershirt and boxer shorts with.

"Jeez, Tony, couldn’t you have gotten us any pants?" Roger asked, half-dressed and rooting through the pile of clothes, obviously not finding what he’d hoped for.

"Sorry, but the only ones I could find would have fit both of us in them at the same time," he replied apologetically. He would have preferred pants as well, but he didn’t want to waste time
searching for them and possibly get caught. He’d taken things that were easily available and looked like they were in the right size range.

Roger snorted, then went back to fiddling with his undergarments.

"Do you want me to finish hooking that for you?" Tony asked, stifling a smile.

"No...well, yeah, I guess so. How do women get into these things? Reaching behind your back like this is hard."

"I thought that with all your experience with women, you’d be an expert at this," chuckled Tony.

"Only at getting them off. Putting them on is a whole different thing." He stayed still while Tony did his work. "Thanks. Y’know, I think the straps are a little loose...can you get them too?"

"Sure," he said. He really, really wished Jeannie would get back soon...although he could imagine the look on her face if she popped in now. She’d laugh straight through ‘til Sunday
night. "Um, I bought some makeup at the drugstore, for when we go out. It can’t be that hard to put on, and since most women won’t leave the house without it..."

Roger looked over his shoulder at him. "Good idea," he said. "Boy, I hope the shoes fit. Nothing worse than going from too big to too small."

"I already tried them on," Tony admitted sheepishly. "They fit me pretty well, so they’ll probably fit you too. I mean, since we’re almost the same height, we should be about the same shoe size, just like we usually are."

"That makes sense," said Roger, and went back to going through the clothes.

They got dressed in relative silence after that, until it came time for the ‘finishing touches’. Tony had taken a few nondescript items from the bag of cosmetics, but Roger shook his head.

"What’s the matter?" Tony asked.

"Not that one," he said, and dumped out the entire bag, scrutinizing each item and pushing a few over towards Tony. "How about this, and this, and...this."

Tony just looked at him skeptically.

"That eyeshadow you picked doesn’t go with your complexion," he explained. "Use one of these instead."

"Roger, does it really matter—"

"Tony, I know what makes a woman look good," he admonished.

"I don’t want to look good. I want to blend in and not be noticed," he replied. "And you should want the same thing...do you have to wear bright pink lipstick and all that mascara?"

"But they highlight my best features."

"Roger, I think you’re enjoying this a little too much."

"You want to look the way most women do, right? That stuff you were going to use is too drab. You have to bump it up a notch."

Tony shook his head. "Roger, it’s a good thing you weren’t born female -- I’d hate to see the trouble you would’ve gotten into."

Roger’s eyes narrowed, but he was smiling. "Oh, that reminds me.." he began, getting up and going over to the phone. "I’d better call my nurse and the guy we were double-dating with, to
tell them I can’t make it tonight. I think I’ve just come down with a case of your laryngitis."

"Good idea," said Tony, and went back to getting ready. Maybe Roger was right. He didn’t want to look like an old school marm -- not that he could, considering the length of their borrowed skirts -- but he didn’t want to look too flashy either. In the background he could hear Roger’s whispered conversations; and from what he could gather, both the people he called were very understanding about his sudden ‘illness’.

"All done," Roger said, after hanging up the second time. "Neither of them suspects a thing."

"Good -- that’s one problem solved."

"Yeah, and two more to go," he replied, pointing at his chest.

Tony chuckled. "Are you almost ready? I’d like to get over to the base as soon as possible."

"Almost. I just have to make some...adjustments," he said with a wink. "I’ll be right back."

Tony decided that he really didn’t want to know what kind of adjustments they were, and prayed that Jeannie would get back soon.

Part Six: Out of Their Minds

Thankfully, getting into their HQ did not prove to be as difficult as they’d expected. A few well-placed words to the security guard, plus a smile or two, and the man had practically thrown the gate wide open to them.

"I still can’t believe he let us inside," Roger said gleefully, as they headed for the lab. "He didn’t even look at our ID badges…he was too busy looking at your legs!"

"I’m sure it wasn’t that," replied Tony, looking over his shoulder and smoothing his skirt down. (Neither his nor Roger’s left much to the imagination.) "He was just being friendly, to a pair of newly-hired secretaries."

"A little too friendly, if you ask me. But that was a great cover story you came up with. I never thought it would be so easy."

"Good, now all we have to do is get the rest of our stuff and go home."

"And get some lunch," said Roger. "I haven’t had a bite to eat since last night. I’m starved."

"Yeah, I could go for something too -- I didn’t even have any coffee this morning."

They stopped outside a set of double doors. "Now Rog, I want you to wait out here and let me know if anyone’s coming."

"What should I do if I see someone?"

"Whistle, like you did when we used ERIC to find out Jeannie’s birthday."

"Jeannie…boy, I wish she’d get back soon."

"Believe me, so do I -- but until then, we just have to make the best of it."

Roger remained unconvinced. "Make the best of it, he says."

"Just think of it as a learning experience," Tony replied, and stepped into the lab.

Roger stood outside the doors, trying to look like he belonged there. After a few minutes, however, he was starting to get uncomfortable. Some unnamable portion of attire -- one of the
inside things -- had something in it that was poking him in the ribs. He reached up under his shirt, trying to readjust whatever it was into a more suitable position.

That was when a tall man in a navy uniform turned the corner.

Roger hastily removed his hand and took a step back, leaning against the doors. He whistled, trying to look casual and relaxed while giving Tony the signal that someone was there.

"Hello, Miss," said the man pleasantly, coming up to him. "I’m Commander Belmont. What are you doing here?"

Roger fought down his attack of nerves, and forced himself to smile. Of course he knew Commander Belmont; aside from working with him, he and his soon-to-be fiancé were the other half of tonight’s cancelled double date. "I’m Major Healey’s new secretary," said Roger, moving a little away from the doors. "He asked if I could stop by here today and get acquainted with the office, before I start work."

"Major Healey?" he asked, looking him up and down. Then, apparently finding (or not finding) what he wanted, looked him in the eyes again. "Have you seen the Major today?"

Roger shook his head innocently, grateful that the other man didn’t seem to have recognized him. "No, Commander -- he’s sick, he has laryngitis."

Belmont nodded. "Yes, I know. He sounded terrible on the phone."

He frowned. "I don’t think he sounded all that bad, Commander…"

"Please, call me Don," he said smoothly, flashing what in any other instance would have been a charming smile. "Do you and the Major know each other well?

"No, Commander -- I mean Don -- we just met this week."

"So…you’re not involved with the Major, then."

He certainly hadn’t expected that question; he’d only thought he might be asked if they were related, and it made him laugh. "No, of course not."

"That’s too bad for the Major, I’ll have to say," he replied. "So, Miss…you wouldn’t happen to be doing anything later, would you? I’d like to get to know you better."

Roger’s mouth fell open. Aside from absolutely not wanting to be on the receiving end of the new astronaut’s pickup lines, everyone around the base knew that the commander was practically engaged. "Are you…are you asking me to—"

"To go out with me tonight? Yes, I am." He took a step closer, and Roger backed away. "What’s the matter? A pretty little thing like you, nervous about being this close to a real live
astronaut?"

"No, of course not. It’s just that…aren’t you already involved with someone? Someone named Sharon?" he prompted.

"Oh, we’re not really involved…we just see each other every once in a while. So how about it? You and me, out on the town tonight?"

Roger shook his head vehemently, backing up again and only stopping when he bumped into the wall. "Listen, Don, I really don’t think that would be a good idea—"

"Why not?"

"Because," Tony said, as he came through the doors and smashed a clipboard over the man’s head, "Roger’s not that kind of girl."

They both looked down at the man on the floor, now unconscious. Commander Belmont was down for the count.

Tony shook his head, tucking the files under his arm. "I think we’d better get out of here, before he comes to."

Roger breathed a sigh of relief. "Man, what a time to be irresistible."

Part Seven: In Plain Sight

Even after they’d successfully escaped with the files, Roger was still riled over his encounter with Commander Belmont. Tony knew that, aside from being uncomfortable at being hit on by
another man, it also bothered Roger that the man who’d done it was already in a serious relationship. Belmont’s girlfriend was very nice -- beautiful, sophisticated, and intelligent -- and
Roger couldn’t understand why he would be interested in anyone else. He’d already decided that he didn’t like the commander very much anymore, and didn’t care who knew it. In fact, he was proclaiming his displeasure, loudly, as they drove back to Tony’s house.

"…and I still say he’s no kind of a gentleman, to be doing something like that. If I had someone like her, you’d better believe that I wouldn’t be trying to cheat. I’d’ve already proposed."

"Roger, you can’t expect everyone to be like you," Tony said, wishing his friend would come out of Hormone Hell and pay more attention to the road. "Some men have to have someone new all the time, or once they get a girl they have the urge to look for someone they think is better, or they have a girl but they want a little something on the side. I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s how it is."

"But Tony," he said, just as they stopped at an intersection…and for the second time that day, Tony saw Dr. Bellows. He had just come out of a shop on the street, and he was staring right at
them.

Tony elbowed his friend in the general area of his ribs. "C’mon, Rog, we’ve got to get out of here—"

"Ow, Tony, what’d you do that for? These things are still tender, you know, and anyway the light hasn’t changed yet..."

"Hello again," said Dr. Bellows, coming up to the car. The psychiatrist had recognized the girl in the passenger seat as the woman from the drugstore, and his curiosity had only increased since then. Aside from the fact that she’d been wearing men’s clothing that morning, he also thought that clothing looked familiar, as did their wearer. Amanda had pointed out that the woman hadn’t been carrying a purse, and what sort of woman went out without a purse? He’d been ready to dismiss his wife’s observation until he realized who the woman reminded him of …Major Nelson. She certainly acted strange enough, and in a very familiar way. "We meet again, Miss—"

"Toni," he replied, quite aware that the doctor had heard what Roger said. "Short for Antonia. It’s nice to see you again."

"Mm," he murmured, then looked over at Major Healey. "And this is your friend, the one you were talking about this morning? What’s your name, Miss?"

Roger was not good under pressure. "Um…"

Dr. Bellows glanced at Tony again. "I thought I heard you call her Roger."

"Oh no, it’s…Rhonda," he replied hastily.

"Rhonda?" Roger repeated. "Oh yeah, Rhonda."

Dr. Bellows looked at them like he didn’t believe a word they’d said, but at that moment the light changed back to green. Tony leaned over and pressed his foot into Roger’s, which was now on the gas pedal, and sped them away. He breathed a sigh of relief. That one had been too close.

Dr. Bellows peered down the road after them. He was right; he’d seen a NASA sticker on the rear bumper, and his suspicions were confirmed.

That was Major Healey’s car.

Part Eight: Parallel Universes

The two astronauts made it back to Tony’s without further incident. After stashing Roger’s car in the garage -- no use parking it out on the street where everyone could see it, just in case somebody decided to pay them a visit -- and having lunch, the two of them got down to work. Aside from short breaks (and making sure Roger took his pills whenever he started feeling achy) there were no interruptions. Engrossed in their work, it was almost easy to forget what had happened to them…almost. Every once in a while Tony would look up and be momentarily startled by his friend’s appearance; and there were a number of times when Tony had caught Roger staring at him, with a strange and uncomfortably familiar look in his eyes. "I don’t know," Roger had said with a shrug. "It’s just that you look so different, but the same at the same time. It’s weird." Tony had agreed that yes, it was weird, but that they shouldn’t dwell on it. Jeannie would be home soon, and once she was she would blink them back to normal. And then they wouldn’t have to deal with any more of these bizarre distractions…things like suddenly acquiring new pieces of anatomy (and suddenly losing some of the old ones), or having your center of gravity dramatically lowered, or the fact that strange men were now making eyes at them. Tony realized, though, that he wasn’t as bothered by strangers doing it as much as he was by the people they knew. It made him feel very odd, being regarded in such a way by these men. Commander Belmont, the security guard, Dr. Bellows…even Roger had said that Tony made a nice looking girl. And Tony had to admit that Roger didn’t look bad either, with shoulder-length hair and those big blue eyes…

Tony cleared his throat and hastily pushed that thought *way* into the back of his mind, focusing instead on the formulas and data in front of him. Luckily, Roger didn’t seem to have
noticed; and the two of them continued their work on the report.

They finished it in the evening, and then settled down for some TV and relaxation after dinner. They’d already decided that Roger would stay here tonight, to avoid any encounters with his
neighbors. They were both rather proud of themselves that they’d completed their assignment so quickly. Tony said that Jeannie would probably attribute their early finish to their newly-female minds, and Roger had laughingly agreed. After that, however, Roger had seemed a bit preoccupied. Tony wasn’t surprised, with all that had gone on that day.

"Tony?" he asked hesitantly, as they were setting up the spare bed later that night. "Did you ever wonder what it would have been like if we’d been born like this?"

"Not really," he mused. "Well, not before this, I guess."

"What do you think we would’ve been doing if we had? Been born like this, I mean."

"I don’t know," he replied thoughtfully. "When I was a kid I wanted to be a doctor, a surgeon -- I suppose I might have ended up as a nurse."

"Not a doctor?"

"It’s hard enough to get into medical school as it is; it’s even harder for a woman," he said. "What about you? You always wanted to fly, didn’t you?"

"Yeah, but I don’t think I’d be doing it, if I’d started out like this. Like you said, it’s hard for a woman to break into fields like medicine and aviation."

Tony looked his friend up and down. "Looking like that, you probably could have been a stewardess," he said with a smile.

"And spend my time serving drinks to passengers instead of flying the plane?" he said, frowning. "Yeah, maybe. If it was the only way to fly."

"Even if we’d been trained as pilots, I doubt we would have made it into the astronaut program."

"Mm." He paused. "Even if we’d studied hard, graduated at the top of our class, we still couldn’t have done this. Those female trainees NASA had in the early ‘60’s never got a chance
to go up, and they were as qualified as any of us."

"It’s a shame," Tony agreed. It wasn’t something he’d thought much about before this, but it really was a shame to waste all that potential. Jerrie Cobb, Jan and Marion Dietrich, Jackie
Cochran…they and all the others would have jumped at the opportunities he and Roger had been given. He hoped that someday they’d get another chance. "But that doesn’t mean it’s
going to be like this forever. Things are changing, like I told Jeannie."

Roger shook his head. "And I thought I was the optimist."

Tony chuckled and started to answer, but something caught his eye. A shadow had passed over the front window a moment ago, and was now gone. A medium-sized, dark blue shadow.

"Rog," he whispered. "Play along, OK?"

"OK," he replied, looking confused. "Why are we whispering?"

"Hey, let’s go check on that cake baking in the oven," Tony said loudly, so that anyone nearby would be able to hear him.

"There’s a cake--?" Roger began hopefully, as he was pulled into the kitchen by his sleeve.

"There’s someone outside," said Tony, once they’d gotten away from the front of the house. "I think it’s Dr. Bellows -- he looked about the right height. He must still be suspicious from this afternoon."

"Dr. Bellows?" he replied in disbelief. "That man is way too interested in your life, Tony."

"You think I don’t know that?" he answered. "We need to get rid of him, at least for a while, or he’s going to figure out who we really are."

"So, what you’re trying to say is that there’s no cake," Roger said, disappointed.

Tony rolled his eyes. "No, Rog, there’s no cake."

"Oh. OK. Well, what should we do?"

"What any normal woman home alone, with a prowler outside would do," he said knowingly.

"What’s that?"

Tony smiled. "Call the police."

Part Nine: Short and Sweet

It was only a few minutes before the police arrived. Tony had done a good impression of a woman reporting a peeping tom in the neighborhood, after which he and Roger went upstairs to hide until everything had quieted down. Dr. Bellows had been hauled off, protesting loudly that he knew the owner of this house and if he could only go inside, everything would be straightened out. The cops weren’t impressed, and the doctor’s objections could be heard even after the door of the police car closed and they’d pulled away from the curb.

Tony was relieved, but he had to admit that he felt a little guilty. Roger felt the same way, but he still thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.

"That’s not going to get rid of him for long," said Tony worriedly. "He’ll be out of jail by tomorrow morning, if not earlier. I don’t know what we’re going to do then."

"Well, I know what I’m going to do now," said Roger. "I’m going to bed. And if we’re still asleep when Dr. Bellows comes back, then maybe the house will be so quiet that he’ll think nobody’s here."

That actually made sense, and Tony nodded. "I’ll take the spare bed," he said. Before Roger could voice any objections, Tony continued. "You’re still not 100 percent -- I want you to have
my bed, it’s more comfortable."

This made the other man smile. "Thanks, Tony. I don’t know what I’d do without a friend like you."

"I can tell you one thing you’d be doing, without a friend like me," he replied, a twinkle in his eye. "You’d be getting ready for bed without having to take off your makeup."

Roger chuckled, then helped Tony finish setting up the bed.


Part Ten: Love Grows

Tony woke the next morning with the fervent hope that Jeannie’s magic had worn off overnight, and prayed that he would be his normal self again. He sat up in bed and looked under the
covers.

No such luck. He was still as female as…well, as Jeannie was. With a sigh, he got out of bed and wrapped his bathrobe around him, then headed for the kitchen. He stopped halfway there when he caught sight of Roger.

Roger was already up, and dressed similarly to what Tony had on under his robe -- a pajama top and boxer shorts. (The pants were much too long to be practical.) He was standing in front
of the mirror in Tony’s bedroom, gazing at his reflection with a strange look in his eyes.

Tony watched as Roger glanced around furtively, and then started to unbutton his pajama top.

He peeked into it, then undid the rest of the buttons and opened it fully, staring at himself in the mirror. There was nothing underneath it, giving him a complete and uninterrupted view of
his new ‘assets’. After another brief glance to the left and right, he began moving, bouncing slightly on his feet.

Tony rolled his eyes, and cleared his throat loudly.

Roger jumped, then clutched the top back together, covering himself.

"What were you doing?" Tony asked sweetly, his arms folded.

"Well, I was just…you know…I was…" Roger sputtered. Finally, he shook his head. "Look, I couldn’t help it -- I’m a guy. What do you think I was doing?" he asked in exasperation. "This may be my only chance."

Tony was still extremely dubious. "Your only chance for what? Jiggling up and down in front of a mirror?"

Roger sidled over to him conspiratorially. "To find out what women really like," he said, as it if should be obvious. "If I can do that, I’ll be the world’s greatest lover. I’ll never have to worry about getting a date again."

"Oh really," Tony replied. "Well, just remember what happened the last time you were almost the ‘world’s greatest lover’ thanks to Jeannie’s magic. You nearly got yourself transferred, and you were almost beaten up by a bunch of jealous boyfriends."

"Hmph," he said, and went back to studying his image in the mirror. "You know, I bet I’d look really good in green. Tony, you didn’t happen to steal anything green, did you?"

Tony pinched his eyebrows together, wishing that Jeannie would come home soon, before Roger got any more comfortable with his new appearance. It was starting to make him nervous. And he didn’t want to think about what Roger might have been doing while he was alone in the bedroom all night…

"Hey, you said to think of it as a learning experience," Roger offered, seeing the look on Tony’s face. "So I’m learning."

"Yeah, but learning what?"

"Oh, you’re just mad because you didn’t think of it first."

"Look, Rog…just get dressed, OK?"

"I will, if I can find something green."

Tony fought the urge to bang his head against the wall. He settled for whimpering softly, and then went to get dressed himself. By the time they’d finally changed their clothes and had breakfast it was already late morning. Since their report was finished, they were trying to decide what to do until Jeannie returned. Roger was actually talking about going out when the doorbell rang.

Tony and Roger stared at each other, but didn’t say anything. It couldn’t be Jeannie; she would simply pop in (she did live there, after all). That could only mean…

"Major Nelson, open up -- I know you’re in there, your car is here; besides, I can smell the bacon and eggs."

"Dr. Bellows," the two mouthed to each other, scrambling to get up from the breakfast table without making any noise. After bumping into each other, they raced for the stairs. At least on
the second floor they couldn’t be heard.

The doorbell rang again. "You can’t hide in there forever, Major. So why don’t you and Major Healey come out so we can discuss this…change."

"He’s right, we can’t hide in here forever," Roger said worriedly, as they reached the top of the steps. "What are we going to do?"

"I don’t know, but we can’t let him see us."

"Knowing him, he’ll have some of the men from the base come and break down your front door."

"If only Jeannie were here…"

"You called, Master?" the blonde asked cheerfully, materializing in front of them. "It is nighttime in Baghdad now, and I have returned from my visit with Mother." She looked back and forth
between Tony and Roger, a bright smile lighting up her face. "Oh Master, you look lovely!" she exclaimed, taking a step forward and throwing her arms around him. "And Major Healey,
you’re adorable."

"That’s me, good old adorable Roger," he replied, shuffling his feet a little.

Her smile got even wider as she continued her visual inspection of the two astronauts, circling the pair so as to study them from all angles. "When I did the spell, I did not realize how attractive you both would look," she murmured, immensely pleased. "I only saw you while you were sleeping, and did not want to disturb you. But now that I see you in daylight – "

"Jeannie, I don’t want to interrupt you while you’re admiring how well your magic turned out, but Dr. Bellows is at the front door, and if he sees us like this we’re going to be kicked out of the space program," Tony said urgently.

"Well," she said, as if trying to decide whether to do as he’d asked. "I suppose, if you have both learned your lessons."

"Oh, we’ve learned them, we’ve learned them," said Roger. "But Jeannie, that was mean -- you made me get my…my…" He couldn’t even say it without the pains coming back again, and he winced.

"But Major Healey, I merely wanted you to have a more complete understanding of what being a woman is like," she explained patiently, but there was a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Which reminds me -- before I change you back, I must know something. Did either of you…" She gazed at them expectantly, but didn’t continue.

"Did either of us what?" asked Tony, not understanding.

She folded her arms. "Did either of you make love to any men while you were in female form?"

"Jeannie!" Tony replied, aghast. Roger just stared at her in disbelief, shaking his head vigorously. "Of course we didn’t." He glanced over at Roger. "You didn’t, did you Rog?"

"Tony! Of course not! Besides, when would I have had the time to do something like that?"

"Well I don’t know, I know how you like to try new things…" He blinked, realizing he was getting off track. "Jeannie, could you please just turn us back into ourselves?"

"Um, Jeannie…why did you want to know if we’d done…that?" Roger asked hesitantly.

"Well, I would need to know if there was the chance of pregnancy before I could return you to normal," she explained. "If either of you were pregnant, I would not be able to reverse the spell
until after the birth."

Roger staggered back a few steps, his hand over his heart. "Oh Jeannie, thank you so much for not doing *that* to me."

"Oh I could, if you wanted me to," she replied, her eyes wide and innocent. She blinked, changing herself into a tall, muscular man with shaggy blond hair. "Do you like this? I saw
a surfer dressed like this when we were in Hawaii— "

"Jeannie!" Tony cried in desperation. "Change us back -- change us *all* back now!"

She grinned. "As you wish, Master," she replied, folding her arms and preparing to blink. She was interrupted by a loud yelp from Roger. "Oh no, Jeannie, wait!" he cried, grabbing her by
the arm.

"What’s the matter?" Tony asked, incredulous that Roger might want to delay this.

"Not yet -- just give me a minute -- I just have to run to the bathroom." He took off at full speed, sprinting down the stairs. He returned (literally) one minute later, with an expression of supreme relief. "OK, I’m ready now," he declared, wiping his brow. "Boy, I’m glad I didn’t forget about that -- it’s not something I want to explain at my next physical."

"Jeannie, now please?" begged Tony.

"Yes, Master," she replied. And she blinked.

Both men looked down at themselves at the same time. "I’m me again!" Roger proclaimed happily, patting down his uniform (as if trying to make sure that all the correct parts were beneath it). Tony was thankful that Jeannie had not only returned them to normal, but had blinked them back into their own clothes.

Tony took Roger by the sleeve. "C’mon, we have to go talk to Dr. Bellows."

They hurried back down the stairs, Tony in the lead, rushing to get to the door. Tony flung it open just as the man outside was about to ring the bell again.

"Hello, Dr. Bellows," said Tony calmly. "What can we do for you this morning?"

The psychiatrist gave him an odd look, then stepped inside. He looked the two officers up and down. "But I thought…" His voice trailed off, and his expression became suspicious. "Why
did it take you so long to answer the door?"

"We were upstairs, sir, finishing the report on the module simulation," he replied.

"That’s right," added Roger. "It’s very hard to hear anything up there."

"And where were you last night?" he pressed.

"We were working on the report then, too -- did you stop by yesterday evening? I’m sorry if we didn’t hear you."

Dr. Bellows shook his head slowly, clearly not wanting to go into the details of being picked up by the police. "But Major Healey…I saw a strange girl driving your car yesterday…"

"Oh, that was one of my neighbors," said Roger. "I asked her if she and her roommate could pick up some groceries for me, since I was going to be busy all weekend. Nice girl, very helpful. Very attractive too, if I do say so myself."

"I…see." Dr. Bellows still didn’t look convinced, but he had his familiar ‘I don’t really understand what’s going on here, but I’m going to drop the subject before I start to look crazier
than I’m already feeling’ expression. "Well, if everything’s going well with your report, I’d better be running along. I just wanted to make sure you two were all right."

"Oh, we’re all right, sir. We’re perfectly fine," Tony assured him, escorting him to the door. "See you on Monday, sir." Roger waved to him as the door closed.

Tony sagged in relief. "Thank God that’s over."

"Master," called Jeannie as she reappeared in the living room. "I have been thinking, and I have come up with a brilliant idea."

"What’s that?" he asked, not sure he wanted to hear it.

"Master, if you were to be a woman all the time, there would be many advantages for both of us," she stated. "First, I would not have to worry about you being stolen by another woman.
Second, you would be helping NASA by being lighter, so they would not need to use as much fuel to put you into space. Third, we would be able to share clothes…"

Tony stared at her in horror, then grabbed Roger and headed out the door.

Jeannie just shook her head. "These men," she said long-sufferingly. "They simply do not know how to take a joke."


The End.