Title: Where the Slash Muses Came From
Author: Lisa
Fandom: Xena/Herc
Pairing: Eh, just implied...but of course it's implied Ares/Joxer and Cupid/Strife among others.
Rating: PG
Archive: list archives, if ya want, ask. I'll say yes.
Status: Complete
Series/Sequel: Er, don't think so. Not at the moment.
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money (c'mon I have five kids--you actually think I got a dime? HAH!)
Authors Note: Some myths attribute six children to Ares and Aphrodite--Cupid, Anteros (Passion) Deimos, Phobos, Enyo (War and Horror) and Harmonia. I'm using that version for this little bit of insanity that wrote itself during nap time.
Feedback: sure lisascribble@yahoo.com or on list
Summary: Enyo and Harmonia discover slash fic from the future....and get ideas.
Warning: unbeta'd, though I promise I'm not that bad with spelling and grammar.
Where the Slash Muses Came From
By Lisa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Whatcha doin', Harmie?"
Harmonia looked up from her scrolls to see her sister standing in the door way of the library.
"An essay for Grandma Hera--Harmony in Marriage"
Enyo snorted "Sum it up in one line--don't marry a philandering old goat with a really twisted beastiality kink"
"Beastiality kink?" Hamonia wrinkled her brow.
"C'mon, let's see, there was the time the old goat turned into a swan, and another time it was a *bull* and..."
"You're right." Harmonia muttered. "And can I just add ewwwww! En, you are sick to even be thinking about that."
"Wasn't me! Strife stuck it in my head...he was trying to figure out some sort of animal venereal disease to get Grampa with."
Harmonia let out a giggling snort. "Leave it to Strife"
"You about done...I am sooo totally bored it isn't even funny"
"Where is everybody?"
"Aunty E took off on one of her walkabouts. Dad's storming around in his office plotting ways to torture Uncle Jerk. He's losing it."
"Mom says Dad needs to get laid. Even better to find a permanent lover to keep him distracted and relaxed." Harmonia added "He's been a grump lately."
"Dei and Pho--well--uh no...the sounds I heard coming from their room. ...I need to go to the future and get bleach for my ears and brain. I was not about to add visuals. They're........occupied."
Harmonia shuddered slightly. "That is severly disturbing"
Enyo made a face.."Then you probably won't be interested..."
"What? Anythings better than this essay. And we can always say Strife made us do whatever you're up to" Harmonia grinned. "Dad would buy it, so would Daddy Heph"
"True--anyway I was over at the muses..."
Harmonia raised an eyebrow.
"WHAT?" Enyo demanded.
"What were you doing at the muses?"
"I can't be friendly?"
Harmonia's eyebrow went higher.
"Oh allright, I was over there threatening to mutilate Clio if she hurts Ter, three or four of Ace's girls were there too. Some dizzy hen party" Enyo rolled her eyes. She did the girly thing just about as much as her Aunt Eris--which was to say--next to never. Oh, a little, now and then, with Harm, but that was for her baby sister's sake entirely. She was the Goddess of War and Horror, even if her Dad didn't hardly ever let her do her job, not the Goddess of Tea Parties and Lace Doilies or whatever.
Harmonia made a circular waving 'and....? get on with it..' motion at her sister. Eyebrow staying up.
"Long story short they were trying to figure out Slash Muses"
"Huh?"
"Future thing--there's these muses or something--or at least they're attributed as muses...for Fanfiction..And Panacea thinks that the Slash Muses at least have to originate somewhere down the line from our pantheon."
"Slash? Huh? Muses for creative killing?"
"Well, depends what they're killing..."
"Enyo"
"Killing the sanity of narrowminded nitwits"
"Oh gods, please don't tell me Strife has children with the muses." Harmonia muttered. "Can you imagine that? They'd come up with all sorts of deranged crap and you couldn't find a good scroll to read ever again. Be as bad as the time Demi got loose in that library..."
Enyo shuddered. Their neice Dementia was---well, she was scary even for this family. The 9 year old daughter of Deimos and Phobos spent most of her time in Asphodel these days with Aunt Lyssa (the ancient goddess of Madness). Dei and Pho spent loads of time with Demi—but no one in their right mind, or even in their family, was going to allow those two to raise a child, even if she was the Goddess of Dementia.
Enyo hurriedly explained fan fiction and in particular *slash* fan fiction to her sister.
"Boring Harmony In Marriage essay...Tartarus, Grandma wouldn't know a harmonius marriage if one bit her in the butt! She really ought to be the Goddess of Domestic Disputes and Spite instead of Marriage and CHildbirth. Or---you still got that mirror---"
Enyo nodded with a wide grin. Strife had managed to rig a mirror to tune into the halls of time....he cause quite a bit of trouble with his future references and Michief Ideas from the future. Ares had ordered Eris to destroy it.
Aunty E had said she had and didn't--she'd gotten hooked on future television. Enyo had, uhm, liberated the mirror. Eris blamed Strife. But she couldn't say or do much cause she was supposed to have destroyed it. But she'd had it long enough to make her own---having thoroughly studied how the mirror had been put together and spelled.
With matching wicked grins the sister's gathered up what they wanted to take with them and flashed out.
Hours later Aphrodite wandered into the library to check on Harmonia.. .she'd just realized her youngest child had spent all day--actually doing her studies..supposedly. (Aphrodite knew her duaghter well enough to doubt that)
**Mom, Daddy Heph, Dad, whoever's readin this.... Enyo and I have gone to her retreat to hang out and do some sisterly bonding stuff.
We'll be back...uhm...when we get back. Just gonna hang out and catch up...and uhm attempt to rid our minds of disturbing mental images. Er--Strife, Dei, Pho--uh really don't want to clarify but...yeah. Consider where the images came from.
Luv,
Harmonia and Enyo
(Swear on the River Styx we are goin straight to En's retreat and will come straight back here--no going to the mortal realm or anywear else E&H)***
"Yeah, right, girls," Dite snorted."I'll believe you're going striaght to En's retreat and back. But if you two aren't up to something you shouldn't be--I'll eat Joxie's armor!" she glared at the parchment as if was going to answer her. "Leave me to explain this to Hephy and Ares that you two just up and took off! You get home your butts are *sooo* mine cause you are gonna owe me *big time*!"
Enyo's hideaway--2 weeks later
Enyo was well and truly hooked on Spike and Xander. She had copied several stories onto scrolls from the mirror and was now sprawled on a pile of pillows working on a thick stack of stories.
Make that Enyo was well and truly hooked on Spike. Spike and Xander especially, though Spike and anyone would do.
Harmonia liked the Spike/Xander stories as well. Though not *quite* as obsessively as Enyo.
"Doesn't Aurelius remind you of Spike?"
"Who?" Harmonia mock-frowned.
"That Bacchae--oh, never mind. Dad won't let you near the Bacchae yet. Trust me...Aurelius, is a lot like Spike. Lots of attitude, adores a good brawl."
"Which one is Aurelius" Harmonia teased.
"Dark blonde hair, and the earring?"
"Think I know which one that is." Harmonia nodded.
Now that explained Enyo's Spike obsession. Harmonia knew *exactly* which Bacchae Aurelius was. Ares and Hephaestus might not let her near the Bacchae, but since Bacchus and Dionysus were killed--the House of Debauchery had been moved into the Court of Aggression and was under the nominal charge of the House of Love. (Anteros was the one that got sent to seperate brawling bacchae most often) Even Enyo seemed to forget this. Like the Bacchae could be left without someone in charge--and c'mon granted the House of Debauchery also dealt with wines and grapes--but think up tight Demeter could keep that lot in line? As if!
Enyo had liked the other stories they'd come across. Both sisters agreed Severus and just about anyone worked. Enyo particularly liked Remus...and she had a bit of a thing for Oz as well...werewolves. Hmmm, Ares would really flip if that beastiality kink was hereditary. Werewolves and bacchae...uh huh.
"Oh shut up" Enyo glared.
"I didn't say anything"
"You're looking at me obnoxiously"
Harmonia turned her attention back to the mirror "surfing" through to find something new...though just about anything with Methos in it was tempting...and Jack and Daniel was pretty good too. Lex and Clark was fun....."OH MY GODS!!!! ENYO!!!"
"What?"
"Cupid and Strife"
"Where" Enyo's eyes cast around panicked. Harmie might be 17, and had walked in on more orgies accidently by the time she was 5 than most ever *dreamt* of--her Dad and Daddy Heph would skin her alive for showing Harmonia slash fic, and Cupe would be sharpening and handing them knives.
"NO HERE!!" she pointed at the mirror. "Uncle Jerk gets a TV show about him--and so does Xena and her yappy mutt...They've got slash about--CUPID AND STRIFE!!"
"Cupid" Enyo stared. "And Strife."
"Cupid and Strife" Harmonia nodded.
"Slash fiction--about Big-Brother-stick-up-the-ass and *Strife*"
"Uh huh"
"Move! I have got to see this....this is gonna be hilarious"
(20 minutes later)
"DAD AND *JOXER*!!!!" Enyo was gaping.
"I like Joxer."
"But *DAD* and *JOXER*"
(An hour after that)
"Should we be worrying"
"About what?"
"We're reading about our brother and our cousin, and our Dad and Joxer"
Enyo raised an eyebrow. "Uh, Harm, think about our family tree a minute...our mom is half sister to both our dad and our step dad. Our grandfather has kids with his sisters, and possibly a couple of his daughters...Phobos and Deimos are twins--they have a kid *together* Two most likely suspects for Strife's father are Dad and the Old Goat. ....What's weird in this family is dating someone you're *not* related too one way or another, or five ways"
"Point"
(10 hours later)
"Cupe and Strife"
"Dad and Joxer"
"We've got to do something about this."
"Definitely."
The sisters looked at each other and grinned. The stories forgotten for the time being. They had bigger fish to fry...like getting Strife and Cupid--and their Dad and Joxie together. They made sure all the stories they liked for later though.
~~~~~~
The Fates gave a sigh of relief as the pattern was finally going in the right directions... Ares and Joxer's threads blending together in little more than three years (no one had ever accused *Ares* of being cooperative) Cupid and Strife's threads twining together in a matter of weeks (No one ever accused *Strife* of being patient either)
And further on....well, The Twillight might be inevitable to an extent but they weren't going quietly or permanently.
Anteros and Clio's daughter would marry Cupid and Strife's son...and Joxer and Ares' sons would marry the daughters of Terpsichore and Jace....Joxer and Ares daughter and Dementia.... The gaggle of offspring of those marriages would be known as the Slash Muses. And they would torment the narrow minded of the future as well as any of the Furies tormented Greeks now.
~end~