Title: Multiplexin' With Xena

Author: Scribe

Fandom: X:WP

Pairing: Not really, just makin' out.

Archive: Lists and AJCS site, otherwise ask.

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, not even the list sibs *snicker* All I'm making is fun.

Summary: Some AJCS list sibs join the Xenites at the movies.

Warnings: Rampant silliness

Notes: If anyone wants to hear a specific movie mentioned, let me know. I'm having this multiplex show everything from new releases to cult favorites to oldies. I can't promise I'll work 'em in,
especially if I get a lot of suggestions, but I'll try.

Rating: Probably R

Multiplexin' With Xena
By Scribe

*TW and Scribe pull into the multiplex parking lot, TW driving*

TW: "Oo, crap, look at the cars! We're gonna have to park way the hell out in the boondocks."

Scribe: "No, we're not. Look, there's one up there."

TW: "Scribe, that's a handicapped space."

Scribe: "I know. Pull in."

TW: *TW pulls into the parking space* "If I get a couple of hundred dollars worth of tickets and my car towed, I'm gonna make you pay for it, then write you into a story with Zeus, Hera, Psyche, and Gabrielle."

Scribe: "Don't threaten me, woman! Nothing is going to happen to your hoopty. Look." She pulls a blue plastic handicapped placard out of her purse and puts it on the dashboard. "Ta da! Legal."

TW: *gasps* "Scribe! That's illegal!"

Scribe: "Is not! I came by that legitimately. Thanks to that car accident I got two years of college paid for, and I can park pretty much anywhere I want. I also limp a little, but I figure it balances
out." *giggles* "Makes a good excuse for letting the guys catch me."

TW: "You're a devious woman. I admire that greatly." *they exit the car* "Do you suppose Christine is here yet?"

Scribe: "Probably. Being listmom I think she feels compelled to set a good example." *snort* "Losing battle with us, of course." *Spots Christine near the box office* "There she is!" *waves* "HEY!"

TW: *pokes her in the side* "You're embarrassing me."

Scribe: "So what else is new?"

*they join Christine*

Christine: "There you guys are! Boy, it's a good thing I left early, I almost didn't find this place."

*TW and Scribe blink*

TW: "How is that possible? The thing is humongous. They can land a fleet of helicopters on the roof."

Christine: "That's just it. It's so big-assed I passed it three times before I saw the marquee and realized it wasn't a medical complex."

Scribe: *sighs* "I can remember back when there were single screen theaters." *Christine and TW stare* "Don't look at me like that. I can also remember seeing all the original Star Trek episodes on their first run."

TW: "Can you get in on senior discount?"

Scribe: *Scribe swings her purse at TW, who luckily ducks, thus avoiding a concussion* "Damn, I better quit that, or I won't be able to open my soda without a bath."

Christine: *loudly* "YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO SNEAK FOOD IN?!"

TW and Scribe in chorus: "SHHHHHHH!"

Scribe: "The ushers don't actually usher you anymore, but they damn sure patrol looking for contraband. When we go in, act casual. I'm hoping that they'll mistake the scent of the tacos for their own movie nachos."

*FLASH!* *Blue sparklies*

Strife: "Hiya. What're we goin ta see?"

Scribe: "Who invited you?"

Strife: *snickers* "Like I need an invitation. But now that ya mentioned it... CUPE!"

*FLASH!* *Pink sparklies, and a dove* *An elderly couple start looking around for Monica, Tess, and Andrew* *They spot Cupid and prompty go catatonic*

Cupid: *slings arm around Strife's waist* "You bellowed, babe?" *Cupid winks at TW, who blushes worse than a nun at an Andrew Dice Clay comedy concert*

Strife: *kisses Cupid* "Date time. We're goin ta tha flicks."

Cupid: "Cool. Hey, Unc and Joxer could use a little recreation time."

Strife: "Unc was screwin Joxer through tha mattress a coupla hours ago..."

Cupid: "I won't ask you how you know that, but I meant some OTHER type of recreation." *Cupid raises his voice* "DAD! JOXER!"

*FLASH!* *FLASH!* *Red and Blue Sparklies*

Ares: *looking mildly pissed.* *No, wait. That's his normal expression* "What?" *looks around* "I don't see any skirmish going on."

Christine: "It's still the matinee. Wait till the first evening feature, and they over sell a hot show."

Strife: "We're goin ta tha pictuahs with the AJCS cuties."

Joxer: "Great! I haven't had a chance to attend a play for ages."

Ares: *scowls* "Why would I want to sit around in the dark while some inane story unfolds?"

Scribe: "Because you can make out with Joxer?"

Ares: "Okay."

Scribe: *digs in purse* "I have the Movie Moola I got for Christmas! Lessee... The matinees are five bucks a pop, and there are seven of us. I have forty bucks worth. Crap. That'll only leave me five bucks for the concession stand. I was hoping to get popcorn."

Ares: "Don't worry about it. I'll get us in."

Christine: "No disemboweling movie employees, no matter WHAT the temptation! *Ares and Strife stare at her* "The authorities frown on it, and it makes an awful mess."

Ares: *shrugs* "If you insist. I can get us in without spilling blood. It won't be as much fun, but I can do it."

Ares: *He leads the way to the ticket booth* "Four adults."

Ticket seller: "For which show?"

Ares: "Does it matter?" *seller stares* *Ares points blindly* "That one."

Ticket Seller: "Four adults for Scooby Doo. That'll be twenty dollars." *Ares materializes a handful of dinars and pushes them through the slot.* "Wait a minute, those aren't American currency."

Ares: "They're legal tender."

Ticket Seller: "Not here, Mac. They're... they're..." *peers closely at coins* *picks one up, whips out a magnifying glass and examines it* "They're real silver. And ancient. And worth..." *voice trails off* *Ticket seller gets a crafty look on his face, pulls money out of his wallet, shoves it in the till, and dispenses four tickets* "There you go, sir."

TW: *whispers to Joxer* "Joxie, he's getting screwed." *Joxer raises his eyebrows* "You know very well what I mean. Those coins are worth a LOT more than the tickets."

Joxer: "Not really. I've seen him do this before. He's using a glamour, which will wear off by tomorrow. Those are actually teeny, tiny, little cow patties."

Scribe: "Okay, time for us to choose up. Um... Ooh, The Importance of Being Ernest! Rupert Everet!" *claps hands* "And at least one other cute guy! Slashslashslashslash!"

TW: *looks at Christine* "She can look at a movie POSTER and get slash vibes. Let's see what's showing..." *blinks* "Day-um! I've never seen such a hodgepodge in my life!"

Christine: "One of the advantages of the MarySue Multiplex. It doesn't just show new releases, or even second runs. We've got everything from classics to Velveeta."

Cupid: *looks questioningly at Strife* "What?"

Strife: "Cheese."

Christine: *sings* "Spiderman, Spiderman, friendly neighborhood Spiderman!"

Scribe: "Yah, right! You just want to go see it because Ted Raimi is in it for about three minutes."

Joxer: "Ted who?"

*all three AJCSers look up at the sky and whistle.*

TW: "Spidey for me, too."

Scribe: "I thought you'd already seen it?"

TW: *defensively* "Only eight times. Besides," *opens purse and lets everyone peek in*

Christine: "A camcorder?"

TW: "I'm not waiting for the thing to come out on tape, and I sure as hell can't afford a pirated copy."

Scribe: "What the heck, I can see Rupert on tape later. Three for Spidey, please." *gets tickets and hands one each to TW and Christine* "If either one of you jump up and lick the screen when
Tobey McGuire or Ted is on, I'll disown you." *both other women snap their fingers in a 'darn it!' gesture*

*Everyone enters the theater*

Scribe: "We have a little time. I need supplies." *goes and stands in line at the concession stand.*

Strife: *nudges Cupid* "I want popcorn."

Cupid: "Strife, I don't really like doing that 'patties as dinars' thing to people, and..."

Strife: "Imaginge what I can do with greasy fingahs."

Cupid: *Cupid gets in line behind Scribe, taps her on the shoulder* "Um, Scribe? Sweetie?"

Scribe: "You have to promise that if Jerry O'Connell gets withing 100 miles of me he seeks me out and jumps my bones."

Cupid: "Deal." *they shake*

*several teenyboppers are clustered nearby, whispering, staring at Cupid*

Strife: *Strife doesn't always deal well with people staring at Cupid* "WHAT?"

Tennybopper: *points* "Dude, what's up with that?"

*Christine, TW, and Scribe all stare at each other*

Scribe: "Hey, did you guys see the X Man movie?"

Tennybopper: "Well, duh!"

Scribe: "He's testing out a costume for the sequel. What do you think of the wings for the Angel character?"

Tennybopper: *peers closer* "Kinda obvious. Maybe they should use CGI." *Cupid flaps, knocking him over.* "Whoa, great special effects! Can I feel?"

*Strife is starting to form a powerball*

Scribe: "Strife! Quit it!"

Teenybopper: *notices sparkles fading on Strife's palm* "Now THAT'S cool! Which one are you?"

Strife: "Strife, God of Mischief."

Teenybopper: *blinks* "I haven't heard that one."

Strife: "Yah, well, you ain't been hangin with tha right people."

Scribe: *Scribe has reached the counter* "Okay, one large diet coke, extra ice. One small popcorn, no butter. You two need anything to drink?"

Cupid: "Got any nectar?"

Concession Stand Clerk: *attempting not to drool down her chin looking at Cupid and Ares* "Um, we have Minute Maid Fruit Punch."

Cupid: *Cupid looks at Strife, who makes a face* "How about wine?"

Concession Stand Clerk: *blinking* "Withou OUR liquor laws? Where are you guys from, anyway?"

Scribe: "They're from Greece... sorta. Make it a big coke." *she looks at Cupid and Strife* "I assume you two won't have a problem sharing a drink?" *Cupid and Strife look at each other, then play a little tongue-hockey* "Nope. And a small..." *Strife pinches her butt* *yelp* "Large popcorn."

Strife: "Extra buttah." *Cupid bites his lip*

Scribe: *Scribe pays, then grabs her own stuff* "You two get to tote your own stuff."

*Everyone starts down the hall* *the ticket taker takes the tickets (ladidadida) and tears them*

Ticket Taker: "Okay, you're movie is third on the left, your movie is down that corridor, fifth on the right." *everyone starts off in the same direction* "Wait! I said your movie is over here!"

Ares: "We changed or minds. We want to go with our friends."

Ticket Taker: "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't allow that."

*The movie party, except for Ares and Joxer, all break into laughter, ranging from knowing titters for the list sibs to 'holdin' my sides and hopin' I don't pee my pants' for Strife*

Strife: *Strife wipes his eyes* "Whooooo, 'allow'."

Ares: *Ares steps forward.* *Joxer grabs Ares arm* "Arie, please. This is just supposed to be a nice day out, and he's just trying to do his job."

Ares: *growls* "Oh, all right. Scribe, what movie are we going to see?"

Scribe: "Spiderman."

Ares: *holds out his hands to the others* "Give me the stubs." *Cupid, Strife, and Joxer do* *Ares stares at them* *Sparkles* "Here." *Shows ticket stubs to Ticket Taker*

Ticket Taker: *stares at stubs* "I could have sworn these were for Scooby Doo." *Hands them back* "Okay. Sorry about the misunderstanding."

TW: *as they walk to the theater* "What did you do, Ares?"

Ares: *shrugs* "Simple glamour."

TW: "Could you, like glamourize a ticket stub so that it would change to read whatever you wanted to, multiple times?"

Ares: "I could do it so that ~I~ could change it."

TW: *sigh* "Figures."

*everyone goes into the theater and sits down* *Cupid and Strife go looking for a good section to make out in.*

Scribe: "Careful, you two. They don't do public announcements banning public displays of affection any more, but if someone who isn't a voyeur catches, ya there could be a stink."

Strife: "No displays of affection, huh?" *looks at Cupid* "Sorry, Feathahs. Tha kissin is out--we gotta go straight ta tha sex."

Cupid: "I'm so hurt."

*lights go down* *Coming attractions for Scorpion King runs* *Listsibs look at the Xenites for reactions*

Ares: "Eh."

Joxer: "There's just too damn much of him there. Reminds me of Hercules, and not in a good way.

Strife: *comes up fro air* "Mph. Pahdon? What was tha question?" *Cupid gloms him and they're off to the races again.*

Scribe: "Look, you two, you're going to miss all the cameos if you don't pay a little attention."

Cupid: *gaspgasp* "Why should be be looking for brooches?"

*Christine and TW look at Scribe*

Scribe: "Why does everyone always expect ME to explain things?"

TW: *reasonably* "This is your fic."

Scribe: "Technicalities. Just watch, guys."

*Trailer for Murder By Numbers runs*

Strife: "Oooo, they are SO doin each othah!"

Vanilla Person: *sitting behind them* "Excuse me. I've seen the movie, and they never actually come right out and say that they are."

*vanilla person is subjected to a variety of looks, covering disbelief, pity, and scorn*

Scribe: "And Clinton wanted them to define what 'sex' meant. Please, people." *looks at TW and Christine* "I saw it, too, and the only reason I didn't stand up and scream 'Kiss already!' was that I knew I'd get thrown out."

*credits begin* *everyone has a good time* *The scene in Jameson's office comes on*

Strife: "Ay! Joxie in specs! Jox, since when did ya become an actor?"

Joxer: "That's not me!" *looks closely* "It isn't Jett, either. He'd have taken that editor's spleen out for yelling at him like that."

Cupid: "What about Jayce."

Joxer: "He'd have been trying to put the moves on Peter Parker."

Strife: "Smart boy."

Christine: "I wish Ted would get more starring roles. I mean, Skinner was kinda fun, in a gross sort of way, and there WAS the famous bare butt scene with him pressing against the landlady's
bedroome door, starkers, but..."

Ares: *dangerously* "Do you mean to tell me that the image of my naked lover has appeared twenty-feet high in front of millions of people?"

TW: "Probably not. It didn't do that well in theaters. Maybe with video..."

Scribe: "I dunno. You know how hard it is to find a copy of that thing?"

Ares: "Who directed this thing? Who cast it? I need to have a talk with them."

Christine: *whispers to listsibs* "I think we better try to get them out of here before the credits roll." *raises voice* "Oh, look! Xena!"

*everyone looks at the screen as Lucy Lawless's ten or fifteen second role whizzes by*

*Strife falls out of his chair giggling, but gets up quickly* "Bleh! What tha Tartarus do they spill on these floors, an' do they EVAH mop 'em?" *giggles again*

Cupid: *snorting* "Blue hair!"

Strife: "I gotta remembah what she said about his tight uniform an' tell tha Gabster about it. Bet she turns tha same shade as Zeen's hair."

*they watch the rest of the movie*

*The theater party exits the showing room*

Strife: "Awright. Hands up everyone who believes that Norman had a lech fah Peter." *seven hands shoot up in the air*

Scribe: "Anyone showed that kinda interest in any kid of mine, I'd..."

Ares: "Pre-emptive strike?"

Scribe: "Um, they put you in jail for that here. I'd start by showing him a short story about a mother who castrates the guy who molested her kid. Then I'd ask him if he believed that art imitates life, or vice versa."

Joxer: "Since when did Auto take a job announcing for wrestling? Why was Xena in that movie with blue hair and a ring in her nose? Howcome someone who looks just like me was getting yelled at? What is this, some sort of an alternate univers?" *All three AJCS listsibs look at him, then stare at the ceiling, whistling. "What?"

Scribe: "Anyone up for another movie?"

Strife: "Yah. Cupe an' me got invovled in watchin tha movie, an' missed out on our own main feature."

Scribe: "Okay. Let's make a trip to the concession stand. There are three things that you need to successfully sneak into a second show. One, it can't be a really, really hot one just released, cause they patrol them. Two, you have to look of age, so they don't worry about the local League of Decency getting them for corrupting minors by letting them hear the same four letter words they hear every day in the halls of junior high."

Christine: "What's three?"

Scribe: "Three is the most important one. Follow me." *she leads them toward the concession hand.* "Snacks. If you meet the other two requirements, and you have an expensive food item in your hands, they pretty much don't care."

END PART 1