Title: Three Unspoken Words.

By Catclaw Isil

Rating: G

Feedback: Please, catclawisil@hotmail.com

Archive: http://www.geocities.com/catclawisil

Disclaimer: I pretend they’re Jo’s, you pretend their Jo’s, let’s just say they’re Jo’s.

Summary: Remus wishes he could change the past.

Spoilers: PoA-OotP.


Three Unspoken Words.
By Catclaw Isil

I used to believe that I could tell you anything. And then it happened, the one thing I had wanted most became the thing that I wanted the least. At first I refused to believe it was you. Then I came to accept it. I even thought about telling you, but I never had the courage. You were my best friend, I didn’t want to risk that, I didn’t want to lose you.

And then I did anyway. You betrayed us all. How could you? I could never hate you though. I tried, believe me, I did but I never could. Then you escaped that hellish fortress.

Even then I did not believe that it was possible you were innocent. But that night in the shack. And I still needed convincing that you were innocent. I thought about telling you after we handed over the real traitor. But this time it was not the fault of my failed courage that prevented me from telling you. It was outside interference that forced you to flee.

Over the next year we corresponded by owl. I could have told you then. I didn’t even have to do it face to face. But I had only just got you back and again I didn’t want to lose you.

Then he sent you to me with the gravest of news and instructed you to stay with me. I think that he knew and was trying to make me tell you. And over that year I had all the time to tell you and I didn’t. I cursed myself for my cowardice.

Then barely two years after I got you back I lost you again, but this time I know that you will not, can not return to me. And I never got to tell you, all because I was too afraid that I would lose you.

But today I found that it would not have been so. Yes, today my friend I found your diary. Curiosity compelled me to read it. And I find that you had come to the same realisation I had and that you were afraid that you would lose me.

Well, you were wrong Sirius, you wouldn’t have lost me. And I have lost my chance to tell you. I know that I never told you this in your life, but I’m praying that you can hear me now, wherever you are. I love you.


END