Title: Snape's Three Brothers

Author: Max

E-mail: jadekirk007@yahoo.co.uk

Rating: R to be on the safe side

Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??

Archive: Yes, please

Spoilers: SS/PS CoS PoA GoF OoTP

Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off the person who dies in the fifth book.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.This one comes after 'Dreams, a Potion and a Sneaky Potion's Master',you finally get to meet the crazy brothers.'Another One Bites The Dust' belongs to Queen.



Snape's Three Brothers
By Max


Chapter 1-Uh oh it's the Snape triplets and their slightly off-kilter older brother.

It was a relevantly normal Monday morning at breakfast time when,suddenly, voices outside the great hall interrupted everyones conversations,as they were really loud."Oh come on Steven,what's he going to say?Oh sorry,you can't come in here as, I didn't.......Ow! Who put that book there?Hmmmm!Hogwart's:A History.I remember reading this when I was a student....."What made them stare was the fact that the voice sounded exactly like Professor Snape's and they had to look to him to make sure he hadn't spoken.The voices sounded like they were coming from outside the Hall.

"In the dark ages..."The same voice said.It sounded like he was arguing with himself.Two deep laughs echoed through the Hall.

"I heard that.Just coz I'm older than you three doesn't make me THAT old."

"Sorry Alan."

"Yeah Sorry Alan.Of course you not that old although you did teach us....."

"Shaun.Why am I wearing a pink bunny suit?Take that."

Argh! Not the Tweenies."

"Finite Incantatum.I don't see why I should bother......"

"Thanks Alan."

"Yeah thanks......."

Snape had gone pale and he was muttering to himself,"God no...Not now.Not THEM! I hoped when I didn't reply to their letter they'd give up on coming here. Although in that howler they did threaten to come...I hoped that was just talk.."

"Come on.If you two don't stop f....er messing about, I'll cut out your hearts with a spoon."

"Now who's been watching too much muggle tv?"

"Hey that's a movie and I........."

The doors to the Great hall opened up and in walked,what could be best described as three Snape clones.They were identical except for the hair,one had long black hair tied back into a ponytail with red tips to it,another had black hair cut short, and the last one had black hair, cut in an identical style to Professor Snape's, but his hair had blonde tips to it and he was carrying a book.

Everyone's jaws dropped except for Snape's.The one with the ponytail said, in a voice identical to Snape's said, "Hi everyone, We're Severus' brothers..."

Everyone's jaws dropped a little more.The one with the short hair indicated his brothers,ponytail first and then,Snape haired one then himself. "Hi.This is Steven, Alan and I'm Shaun.Steven, Severus and I are triplets..Severus is the youngest,then myself,then Steven,then Alan.We've come to visit..."

"Yeah Severus was SO cute when he was younger.Hey Sevviekins, do you still suck your thumb?"Alan said,so everyone can hear him.

"Hey Sevvie,did you get the howler that Steven so kindly did for you?"

Severus' only reply to their questions was a growl and a glare.'I'm going to posion your pumpkin juice and I'll blame Potter.'

"Hey Remus,How's it going?"Steven asked,noticing Lupin for the first time.

"Oh Hi guys." Remus said,Smiling."Up to your pranks again?"He looked at Alan with interest."Hey I know you,have we met?"

"Well seeing as I'm the spitting image of my younger brothers..........."

All the tables were very interested in Severus' brothers.Harry turned to his friends."Hey Did you know about Snape having brothers that actually look and sound like him?"

"It was mentioned in one of the yearbooks.The other two were sorted into Gryffindor."Hermione stated."But I didn't know about his older brother.That is I don't know what house he was in when he was here."

"Snape's brothers were in Gryffindor?Ron asked.

"Cool,Lupin just said they played pranks.Wonder if they'd teach us."

"Harry,are you mad? Those are Snape's brothers.They could get us into trouble."Ron said.

"So?They seem kinda cool."

Hermione rummanged in her bag for her copy of 'Hogwarts :A History' but she couldn't find it."Damn I can't find my copy of Hogwarts:A History,I know I put it in here....."

"I found this outside the door.Any idea who this could belong to?"Alan's voice interupted her tirade.She looked up and saw that he was holding her copy of Hogwarts:A History.She walked over to him.

"Um..That's my copy."

"Nice to see someone reads it at least,and it's....not...collecting dust."Alan said in a perfect initation of Severus.Hermione giggled,despite herself.'Hermione,what are you doing?That's Snape's brother and you giggled like a real bimbo then.'She chastized herself.'Oh my God,He looks just like Alan Rickman.Ooh I'd like to.......'

Alan's voice,interupted her thoughts,yet again."I'm Alan."He said, holding out his hand.

"Hermione Granger."Hermione said,shaking his hand.They walked together back to the Gryffindor table.

Alan laughed, startling Hermione,"Ah yes,Miss Granger,Severus has been singing your praises."Hermione looked startled at this,and she looked at Severus who blushed,and to cover it up glared at Alan, "His exact words were,'She is the most intellegent witch to come into this school..BUT she is also the most infuriating one too...Always getting into trouble...',Hmm sounds like these two..."He said, pointing to Steven and Shaun."Intellegent but always causing chaos.I blame Sirius Black and James Potter for them two."Harry stared and Alan looked at him,"Ah yes Mr. Potter. Our new celebrity.Sorry,I love poking fun at Severus.I know those words of by heart."Alan smirked and then started laughing.Harry couldn't help himself, he started laughing too.

Remus suddenly stood up and pointed to Alan."I know where I know you from, you taught us Defense Against the Dark Arts in my fifth year, but you weren't called 'Professor Snape',you had a different surname."The whole hall gasped and looked at Alan.

Alan just smiled,"Oh no,I've been found out.You're right, I was born Alan Snape but I changed my surname...Doesn't have the same ring to it..."

"Why?What's wrong with Snape as a surname?"

"It's because he was hanging out with those muggles for so long...."Severus muttered."Turned his back on the whole Wizarding World."

"Severus, you're only jealous coz I'm sucessful there."Alan said,"My new job is perfect for a wizard acting as a muggle.I get to be a wizard."

"I am not jealous.If you want wear lipstick then that's up to you."

"Are too,and It's not lipstick,It's called make-up and males even wear it in the muggle world."

"Whatever."Severus said.

What do you do in the muggle world?Mr Snape?"Asked Ron,with much intrest.

"Hey Sevvie,you sound like a valley girl."Shaun laughed.

"Oh shut up Mr-I-have-pranced-around-in-a-skin-tight-leather-catsuit-with-wings-coming-out-of-my-back."

"That's not me, that's Alan."

"Did you get paid well for that Alan?"

"Oh I do stuff."Alan muttered.

"IT INVOLVED A LEATHER CATSUIT?"Hermione yelled,making Ron and Harry jump.'Oh bet he looked good in that.'

"Yeah well,that was one of my jobs."Alan muttered,embarrassed.He looked at Steven who was humming under his breath."Oh, SHUT UP STEVEN!" Steven looked startled,but grudgingly, fell silent."What were you humming anyway? If you want a tune,sing it so we all can hear it.I hate hummers."

"You asked for it."Steven growled,sounding even more like Severus.He opened his mouth and out came an awful sound,making Alan, Severus and Shaun clap their hands over their ears.

"Stop it, I know you can sing better than that."

"Ok, no messing about now.My ears are ringing."Severus ordered.

"You may be the second oldest but there is no excuse for that noise."

"Oh shut up."

"Make me."

"Bite me."

"Now who's the Valley Girl,Shaun?"

Steven rolled his eyes behind Severus' head, pulled out his wand,pointed at his throat,muttered,"Sonarus."

"Oh Severus, just kiss my butt."

"Yet again you proved you were a valley girl."

"I'm neither from the valley or a girl."

"I could change that." Seveus pulled out his wand and pointed it at Shaun.

"Stop that or you will BOTH be wearing bunny suits." Alan stated, pulling out his own wand.

Steven looked at his brothers and muttered,forgetting that he had just cast the 'Sonarus' charm and everyone could hear him, "At least I can cast a couple of charms, unlike my dear brother here.'Foolish wand waving' indeed."Everyone turned to Steven in disbelief.Steven blushed as he remembered what he'd done, "Damn I forgot."

"Okay everyone we are hear to hear Steven sing.You might want some back up.Sonarus.Come on you two, get waving and charming,unless Severus you've forgotten how."Alan said,his voice booming around the hall.

Severus glared but pulled out his wand."Sonarus.Alan Sydney Patrick R....."

Severus broke off when Alan pointed his wand at Severus,"Just give me a reason...You forget I can be just as nasty as you sometimes."He looked at Shaun."You too."

"Anything for a quiet life.Sonarus."Shaun muttered,"Jeeze even Sevvie's scared of Alan when he gives that look....."

"Yeah, I think even the devil would run from that look."Steven growled.

"Hey at least you didn't get dear old Sevvie hexing you and then letting the cat pee on your head."

"You going to sing? Or are you going to amuse us with your family squabbles." Remus asked, mildly.

"I'll sing anything as long as it's not 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' as sung by William Shatner."

"Hey Bill is a very nice guy....."

Steven waved his wand,saying,"I trust you know the lyrics.",and he started singing,this time in tune."Ooh, let's go."

The others joined in each singing a verse each, Alan, Severus, Shaun then Steven. "Ooh, let's go

Steve walks warily down the street
With the brim pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet
Machine guns ready to go
Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this
Are you hangin' on the edge of your seat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat - yeah
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust, eh
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
How do you think I'm going to get along
Without you when you're gone
You took me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own
Are you happy ? Are you satisfied ?
How long can you stand the heat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat
Look out
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust, eh
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Hey
Oh take it
Bites the dust - bite the dust hey
Hey
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust, ow
Another one bites the dust, hey hey
Another one bites the dust, heeey
Ooh show down
There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down, yeah
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating to the sound of the beat
Oh yeah
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust, yeah
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Shoot out

Hey, alright."The hall burst into applause.

Alan turned to Hermione, completly forgetting about the sonarus charm, "Hey, it's true what I've told you. He just forgot one detail....I'm thinking delibratly,he forgot to say,you were lovely..."He turned to Severus,"Don't you think so?" Severus' only answer was a glare, that would petrify a basilisk."Hey Sevvie, why didn't you tell me she was lovely looking?" He turned to look at Hermione,and raised an eyebrow.Hermione blushed as he looked so much like his brother.

Dumbledore interupted before Severus could reply, "Alan, are you free?"

"I'm free."Alan replied, "Damn, I didn't mean to sound like Mr Humphries. What do you want me to do?"

"Would you stop quoting all these damn movies and tv programmes? It kinda gets on my wick." Severus spat out,his voice echoing around the hall, "I'm well aware of who you are, and I don't need you to keep reminding me."

Alan's face had gone red with anger, "For YOUR information, SEVERUS SALAZAR SNAPE, I am NOT quoting movies to get on your wick as you so elegently put it.I am doing it to see if they," he said, indicating the students, "know who I am, you you dumb, motherfucking asshole...!"

"As Bruce Willis would say, Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"

Alan turned to Shaun and Steven, "Why aren't you insulting him or me too?"

"WHAT?!" Steven said, sounding like Alexander Dane from Galaxy Quest.

"Insulting either of you would be like throwing gasoline on a flame."

"And we'll be sending either one of us to the hospital wing in a matchbox."

"ENOUGH!"Dumbledore yelled."Alan, I meant, are you working at the moment?"

"Well, I've got a few days off. Why?You want me to kick Sevvie's butt.Oh and I wasn't wearing a catsuit with my wings it was a hoodie."

"Alan, the muggle studies teacher wants to teach the students how to tango, and as you can dance, I said you'd do it."

"Oh that's just what I always wanted to do."Alan said,sarcastically.He sighed. "Looks like I don't have a choice..."Alan muttered."Okay I'll do it."

"Thank you Alan or should I say Professor Snape, Mark Two?"Dumbledore said, patting Alan's arm.

Dumbledore stood up and opened his mouth but shut it again when Remus piped up, "Why don't you use your new surname, Alan? That way we won't get confused."

"Oh yeah and have all the muggleborns drool over him like he's God or something." Severus muttereed bitterly.

Dumbledore smiled,"I'm sorry Alan...You'll have to go by your birth name."

"Damn, spoil my fun, oh well, they can call me, well they can just call me Alan coz I can't be bothered with all this 'Professor Snape' crap."

"Yeah or the students could call you 'The Voice' or something..." Shaun muttered.

"Everyone,Can I have your attention please? This is the new muggle studies teacher, well, he'll be assisting Professor Dane, He's asked to be called Alan to avoid confusion with his younger brother."Dumbledore anounced.everyone clapped, especially the girls.

Alan smiled and sat down next to Remus Lupin, much to Severus' disgust.

Hermione put up her hand, Alan pointed to her, "Yes, Can I help you, Hermione? This isn't class so you don't need to raise your hand."

"Um, Sirius mentioned this in potions last week,"Hermione started.She took a deep breath,then continued, "What is the Snape triplet curse?"

Severus, Shaun and Steven paled, and looked at Alan, who sighed, "Well guys, she's bound to find out sooner or later," he paused and looked at his younger brothers for help."It's a really embarrasing curse which only affects tribbles born to the Snape family, no that's not right, I meant triplets."

"Star Trek going to your head, eh Alan?" Steven muttered, smirking. "I bet you just love William Shatner to....."

"Well for God's sake, just tell her before we all grow as old as you Alan..."Shaun muttered, interupting Steven's comments."Steven that is just uncalled for...Alan doesn't like Bill that much.... it's David Thewlis who's his favourite actor."

"Well you see.....my brothers are cheeky sods and should be given to Remus to use as a chew toy..."Alan turned to Steven and Shaun."David Thewlis is NOT my favourite actor and he'd kill you if he heard what you said."

"Miss Parkinson has a crush on him."Remus piped up."She told us all in Potions, when Severus was testing out that potion."

"Yeah especially as you get to be all cosy with him in the next Harry...."

"Shut up, I'm trying to tell them what the curse is and I can't if you keep interupting."

"Nah it's Gary Oldman."

"Jason Isaacs."

Alan sighed and ran his hands through his hair."For gods sake.I wish you'd shut up."

Severus stands up."I have lessons to see to."As he turned to leave, Steven fired a curse which hit him in the backside, causing Severus to yelp and whirl round."Who did that?"

Shaun smirked and muttered."Turn the other cheek brother."

"Someone has been watching Dragonheart again...."Steven said.

"Alan did it."Steven proclaimed.

"You liar."

"Prove it."

Severus huffedand stalked out of the Great Hall.

"Anyway the curse is..."Alan paused, then he spoke at top speed, "It'sacursewhichaffectstrpiletsbornintheSnapefamilyanditcausesthetripletsborntoshareeachothersemotionsanddesires.theycanevenshareeachothersthoughtsanditcancausegreatembarassmenttoall.OhandbythewayDavidThewlisisaverygoodfriendofminesodon'tinsulthimorhemightcomedownonyoulikeatonofbricksandheknowswhatI'mdoinghereandhesayshitohiscousinRemusandthat'swhyRemuslookslikehim.."As he finished everyone looked stunned as they only caught a few words of it.

"I'm not going to say it."Remus muttered.

Alan smirked as he told them but they couldn't catch it all so he was pleased.He stood up and left the Hsll singing as he went out of the hall."Look into my eyes - you will see

What you mean to me Search your heart - search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for...."

Remus shook his head as Alan's voice faded from earshot."He's cracked.Must be hanging round those muggles too long..."

Steven and Shaun looked at each other and stared whispering to each other.

"Yeah he deserves it." Steven muttered in a louder voice,ignoring Hermione's curious gaze.

"Hee hee. Wait til they find out that SECRET.I can't believe he let the guy do that to him,"Shaun said, incredulously.

"Well don't forget Remus wanted to get one but when he saw what the guy actually had to do he chickened out."

Harry muttered,"You know you two never did tell me what you did for a living."

"Didn't we? Well Steven is an Auror and I'm a....."Shaun muttered, looking embarassed.

Hermione started to ask what Shaun's job was but she was interupted by the boys exclaiming.

"You're an Auror?"

"What's it like?"

"That's so cool."

"Do you have scars?"

"Ron!You can't ask him that."Hermione scolded.

"It's ok.."Steven assured her,"No I don't have many scars but I do have this."He said, pulling his shirt up and showed them his toned stomach and a nipple ring.

All the girls stopped talking and stared at him."Wow!" Lavender sighed,"I want to tug that ring."

"Did it hurt?"Harry asked.

"No I got it when I was very drunk."Steven muttered,"This is also a way of telling us apart, if we're naked that is."He smirked as Hermione and the girls turned pink."I've my nipple, right ear and tongue pierced,Shaun has his ear and navel pierced and he also has a tattoo of a devil on his left butt cheek.Alan doesn't have any, coz it might ruin his image and Severus did have his left ear, his tongue,his nipple, his nose, his navel and his....um... tackle pierced but it looks like he took out the tongue ring and the nose ring.I don't know if he's taken out any of the others.He also has a
tattoo on his right shoulder of a lion."

"WHAT?! Professor Snape has piercings."Hermione yelled.

"Well he was drunk at the time.Us guys took Sevvie out for a drink.We all got plastered and we ended up going to a muggle tattoo parlour. Remus backed out of getting a piercing because he was a..." Shaun explained.

"Chicken, Sirius has his ear pierced by the way.Remus did get a tattoo though."Steven snorted,"Imagine a big bad werewolf being afraid of a little needle...Well maybe not so little.He wanted to get his tongue done but when he saw the needle, he bolted.."

"Maybe it was too many memories of getting his shots when he was younger."

"Yeah it was so hilarious.Remus did agree to get a tattoo though.It's of a werewolf howling at the moon."

"He's got another one.This one's of Yugi from Yu Gi Oh.He's become quite addicted to it."

"I'm not going to ask how you know that..The next day Sev wakes up and doesn't recall a thing, he has a shower and he notices the piercings but doesn't feel a thing.."

"Until he puts his clothes on and comes to sit down for breakfast...OUCH!"

Harry,Ron and Hermione laughed,"You didn't tell us what you do, Mr Snape."Harry asked,still laughing.

"Please call us Steven and Shaun.Mr Snape makes us feel old."

"I'm a stuntman.I double for Alan Rickman on the films." Shaun said."You know when he has to do dangerous stunts."

"Cool."

"Alan Rickman is my favourite actor."Hermione stated,"And he's your brother."Steven and Shaun looked at each other in shock.

"Steven opened his mouth."How..."

"sorry guys, she sometimes go off into these flights of fancy, thinking Alan Rickman is Professor Snape's brother."Ron explained."Just because they look alike she thinks they're brothers."

"But she's right."Shaun exclaimed,"Alan Rickman is our brother and you've just met him, and he's your Muggle Studies teacher."

The students' jaws, apart from Hermione's of course, dropped open."You mean that she was right."

"I told you."

"I'm sorry for not believing you Hermione."

"Oh my god."

"He's even sexier in person."

"Ooh wouldn't mind a bit of him on a stick."

"What's his next movie?"

"ALAN RICKMAN IS OUR MUGGLE STUDIES TEACHER!"Parvati yelled, so loudly that everyone in the Great Hall heard her."HE IS LIKE THE SEXIEST ACTOR IN THE WHOLE WORLD!"

Alan and Severus chose that moment to return to the Great Hall and they both heard the last comment and what Pansy yelled back."NO, DAVID THEWLIS IS.ANYWAY I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LIKED DENNIS QUAID."

"CAN'T I HAVE BOTH?"

"NO!"

"I WANT JASON ISAACS."

"GARY OLDMAN."

"QUIET!" Dumbledore yelled without effect.

Alan turned to Severus and muttered,"Well it looks like they found out."

Before Alan could say any more, his mobile started to ring,"Sometimes I wish I never charged this damn thing to work in Hogwarts."He muttered."I also wish that I hadn't chosen that tune as well."The phone kept ringing insistently.He growled and pressed the button to answer."Hello."

"......"said the voice on the other end.

"Oh hi.How are you?"

"........"

"Yeah I'm fine....Listen, did you tell David that Graham said he looks like Harry Enfield?"

"........"

"You'd better tell him or I might."

".........!"

"Oh I will,and then you'd have to live the rest of your life dressed as a woman..."

".........."

"I only wore that dress for THAT scene.I don't go to the Ritz dressed like that."

"....."

"Yes well. I have to go..."

".............."

"Bye."

"..."

Alan hung up and ignored the students' curious stares.Harry put up his hand."Yes Harry?"

"Who was that?"

"Snuffles."Alan replied,with a laugh.

"But Snuffles has just come into the hall."Harry protested.Harry noticed that Sirius was carry a vial of something and that he poured it into Alan's drink.Harry saw Sirius lean towards Severus, and mutter something which made Severus first stare at Sirius in disgust and then start laughing,quietly.

Harry nudged Hermione, which made her turn round to face him,"What Harry?"

"Sirius just put something in Alan's drink."

"I hope it's not dangerous."Hermione muttered, watching Alan take gulp down his drink and then choke.

"Urgh! That tastes like old socks, What was that?"

Hermione looked at Alan's disgusted face."Oh no! They didn't..."She muttered, but she broke off as a bubble came out of Alan's head."They did."

The whole hall stopped talking and watched Alan's dream unfold.

**Alan's Dream**

(Cheerleader(including Hermione and Ginny are dancing sexily (What is it with these guys and cheerleaders?) We cut to Sirius,Lucius and Remus sitting in the stands.Alan is nowhere to be seen.Lucius is dressed as a girl.)

Sirius(Leaning forward to get a better look): Is that our girl? Ooh la la.

Remus(nose stuck in book): She's no Lucy.

Lucius:Thank you Remus.

Remus: She looks nothing like a drag queen.

(Hermione steps forward,wearing a tiny red top and tiny skirt.She dances really sexily(Pelvic thrusts and all.)Everyone in the stands is oohing and aahing as she does it. but Lucius looks unimpressed.Alan (as Severus) comes and sits down behind Lucius.Lucius turns round and fixes him with a glare.)

Severus:Hey!

Lucius: What do you want?Come to get your recommended daily allowance of homogenized blonde bimbos?

Severus: I'm here to apologise.I said some harsh things.

Lucius: Oh well apology fairly accepted.

Severus: Hermione came onto me pretty hard.She touched my knee,gave me all these french looks.I fell for it, but she only did it to get what she wanted.

Lucius: I'm beggining to notice that she always gets what she wants,including what I want.

(We see Hermione is still doing her sexy dance and Draco as a football player stops and stares at her, after he threw a pass, and gets hit in the head with the football.)

Lucius(leaning towards Remus, who is reading a book.):What are you reading?(Remus shows Lucius the book front which has on it, Phillip K Dick.) Oh I like Dick.Ok I'll cut the crap what does this mean? j'ai une bouche des comme dix digits et j'ai dix digits des comme une bouche?

Remus: I have a mouth like ten fingers and ten fingers like a mouth.

(Lucius screams.)

**End Alan's Dream**


Remus turned to Alan."What was that?"

"I don't know,prehaps you better tell me."Alan replied.

"I think someone spiked your drink."Steven muttered,not bothering to look up from his book,somehow during the dream sequence he had opened a big heavey book and was getting into it.He looked up finally,"Hey Sirius.What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"You what?"Sirius asked, now totally confused.

Alan rolled his eyes, "Idiot, you've been getting way TOO far into the 5th book. You never should've sold Hary's stories to the JK Rowling person."

Harry looked up as he heard his name,"Hey what do you mean?"

"This woman, wrote your stories and passed them off as fiction. They also have movies out and that is where I come in, I'm going to be playing, the Professor, you all know and love,Severus Snape."

"Am I in it?"Sirius asked, Alan nodded."Who's playing me?"

A whole barrage of noise,assulted Alan's ears.

"Who's playing me?"

"What about me?"

"It better be someone good."

"Who's doing me?" Harry asked.

"Good at what?"

Alan yelled,"Quiet! Harry, I could really take that, the wrong way you know. The cast list is extensive but the main players are....."He took a deep breath."Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter,Emma Watson as Hermione Granger, Rupert Grint as Ron Weasley,Robbie Coltrane as Rubeus Hagrid,Gary Oldman, Sirius Black,"This news caused Sirius to dance around the tables, yelling,"Gary Oldman as little old me!" Everyone laughed.

"May I continue?" Alan Smirked, everyone nodded,"Michael Gambon as Headmaster Albus Dumbledore,Maggie Smith as Professor Minerva McGonagall, Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy and, finally,David Thewlis as Professor Remus Lupin." Remus looked stunned.

Pansy yelled out,"Oh yeah! I'm gonna see it now. David Thewlis, as Lupin, YES!"

Alan looked confused, Sirius filled him in,"She has a huge crush on him.She told us all."

Sirius walked over to Steven and took the book from him.He flicked to the back of the book and saw what happens to him.His eyes widened. "BLOODY HELL!!"He yelled.

"What is it Snuffles?" Remus asked, taking the book from Sirius.

"Aw.. isn't that cute? And they wonder where all those slash writer's get their inspiration from?"Steven muttered.

Remus looked at Sirius and then pulled a disgusted face, as he realised what Steven had meant."Ew no.."

"Hello one is Snuffles.Snuffles doesn't like the piss taken out of him."Sirius said."Snuffles also wants to have words with JK Rowling because Snuffles is still here."

"Shame."Severus muttered."What's with all the third person stuff?"

"At least he didn't say 'One is the Queen.'complete with limp wrist and all, That would be too like watching Graham Norton."Hermione muttered.

"Graham who?"Remus asked.

Hermione opened her mouth to answer but, shut it again when, Alan cut in over her."Muggle comic.Takes the micky out of the Royal Family."

"Isn't he the one who said about his wrist hurting?"Sirius asked.Alan nodded."Oh he's so cool.I want to be on there."

"Welcome to Limp Wrist Association." Severus muttered,wryly.Everyone looked at him,"What?Alan is my brother,Don't you think he'd make me watch muggle shows with him?"

"He's a big VGN fan."Alan supplied, helpfully,ignoring Severus' glare.

"Dudley is too."Harry said."I think he fancies Graham or something."

Steven muttered something imcomprehensible.He ignored the stares he was getting form everyone else.

Harry looked up to see an owl drop a parcel on Steven head.Steven put the newspaper aside and opened the rest of his mail.Harry leaned over and asked,"Can I read this?"Steven nodded as he was deeply imersed in his letter."Thanks."

Harry opened the newspaper and his eyes widened."Woah!"

"What Harry? Has the Minister messed up again?Umbridge getting married? "Ron asked.

Harry showed Ron the newpaper,and Ron's eyes widened."Woah They don't usually have this in the Daily Prophet.Wait a minute, the pictures aren't moving. What paper is this?"He looked at the front which read,'The Sun.'

Harry looked at Steven, incredulously."You get the Sun?"

"Yeah, So?"

"No reason. It's just that I can't imagine Professor Snape to read it."

Hermione snatched the paper from Harry.Her eyes widened."That's wrong.Girls shouldn't be asked to show their boobs for all to see."

"Well Hermione, If you showed your boobs then maybe your crush will notice you...."Shaun grinned making Hermione blushed.

"Yeah, he really needs to get laid." Steven added,making Harry blush.

Draco, who was passing behind Hermione grabbed the paper out of Hermione's hands and looked at it."Why Granger..."

"It's not mine, it's Steven's."

"Can I borrow it?" Draco asked.

"No I don't want you squirting all over it."Steven protested, loudly."Ew no. I'd rather kiss Bush."

"Huh?" Draco asked.

Severus looked over Draco's shoulder."Mr Malfoy, I will have to confiscate it..."He turned to Steven,"Steven, you mustn't bring stuff like that into a school."He took it out of Draco's hands.

"Sevvie, If you just had a....... fiddle once in a while, maybe you would be happier."

"Nah, what he needs is a full blown shag."Alan added.

"In more ways than one."Steven grinned, which made his brothers, not including Severus, laugh.

"Shit, can we say shag in front of students?"Steven asked."Or even Shit for that matter?"

"Well I've heard Mr Weasley use that sort of language, so I guess yes."Severus replied, making Ron blush."I also seem to remember Alan calling me a dumb, motherfucking asshole."Severus added, making all the students within earshot gasp.

"Professor,"Hermione adomished,"using language, like that in front of students.Honestly."

Severus looked at Hermione and asked,"Hey Hermione, has anyone told you that when you do that you sound like....."


Chapter 10

Alan opened his mouth to answer but was saved by the bell ringing shrilly to signal the first lesson.Hermione leapt up,"Oh crap, it's potions first thing.We can't be late for HIM." She said, while stuffing her books in her bag.Steven, Alan, Shaun, Harry,Draco, and Ron shared a look, while Severus just hid a smirk.

Hermione ran out of the hall, while singing loudly,"Why don’t you take another little piece of my heart, Why don’t you take it and break it, And tear it all apart, All I do is give All you do is take Baby why don’t you give me A brand new start

So let me live (so let me live) Let me live (leave me alone) Let me live, oh baby And make a brand new start."Her voice faded from earshot. Harry and the other students filed out after her, leaving Remus, Steven, Shaun,Alan,Sirius and ,of course, Severus.

Severus turned to Remus and said,"Now there's a girl after my own heart."

Alan smirked, "So I knew you were sweet on her."He pushed Severus out the door,"Come on you don't want to be late for potions. I'm coming with you 'cause I don't have a lesson until second period."

Severus groaned,"Oh crap."

"I heard that."

As they entered the classroom ten minutes later, the class went quiet."Today we will be making the Vocus Switch potion. I warn you that this is a extremely complex potion."Severus looked around at Steven and Shaun, "You two will be with Longbottom. I trust you know how to make Vocus Switch."

Steven looked at Shaun and they both nodded and sat down next to Neville and got their stuff ready.Steven looked at Neville, who looked nervous,because of Severus' brothers.Alan was paired off with Harry behind Neville.

A little while later, Neville was a little confused as Steven and Shaun were arguing, on the order of the ingredients,"I'm sure the nightshade goes in before the cat fur."Steven whispered, his voice full of venom.

"You moron, cat fur first, nightshade after." Shaun whispered back, his voice getting louder with every word.

"Look, you don't know jack. Neville, add the nightshade."

"Don't, you'll kill us all."

"SHUT UP! ADD THE GODDAMN NIGHTSHADE!" Steven yelled, making Neville jump, causing him to drop both the nightshade and the cat fur at the same time, causing the potion to turn a deep orange and to bubble menecingly.Steven, Neville, Harry and Shaun ducked under the desk.Severus, sensing something was amiss, swooped over, just as the potion exploded, covering Severus and Alan completely."Oh, this is just bloody great."Alan griped, orange potion dripping off his nose.

*

"What happened?" Hermione asked.Alan opened his mouth to answer but all that came out of his mouth came a groan. He clutched his stomach, groaning in pain,on the other side of him Severus did the same, groaning as they both collapsed on the floor.Hermione ran to the side of Severus,kneeled down beside him, and asked, "Professor, are you alright?"

Remus shared a look with Sirius, that plainly said,'True Love.'

Severus looked up, as the pain wore off and said,smiling,"Sure. I'm fine." He looked her over and said,"You're so lovely.I saw a poem that describes you perfectly, It goes something like this,'I hear your voice telling me you love me, I hear your whispers telling me you want me but all I do is run away cause I'm scared of getting hurt, scared of you holding me cause I'm scared of love.'" A pause, then Severus burst out with,"Good God, What was that?"He blushed and turned to Hermione, who was looking a little misty eyed.

He opened his mouth to say something else but was interupted by Draco,"Professor, Potter just called me a ferret."

Severus got to his feet, looked at Draco and said,"Draco I have three words for you...GET OVER IT!"

Draco's jaw dropped."P-p-professor, aren't you going to take points off them?"

"Yeah,"Came Alan's sardonic voice, "you'd better take points otherwise Draco will get all upset."

"Whatever,"Severus sighed,"Very well, half a point off Gryffindor."

Everyone's jaws dropped at that,"Half a point?...Good God, the hourglasses are going to have a nervous breakdown." Alan muttered.

"Like I said before, Get over it.sheesh!I don't have time to wipe sniveling Slytherin's backsides or their noses."

"B-b-b-but Professor, isn't Potter going to get detention?"Draco asked.

"To do what exactly? Hit me with a fish?"Severus said.He chuckled,"Sorry, inside joke."He explained as some of the students looked puzzled.

"What did that twit do now?" Alan groaned."I always seem to be washing my clothes."

"The house elves must really love you." Severus commented.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Steven yelled.

Chapter 11

Shaun muttered something rude about Steven, ignoring the glare Steven sent his way. "God Steven, could you be any more dumb?" Shaun asked again, this time a little louder."You totally wrecked the the classroom and you nearly killed two of your brothers."Steven reached into his bag and pulled out a muffin and threw it at Shaun, who wisely ducked, as the muffin embedded itself into the door, right next to Remus."Woah!" Remus asked, pointing at it,"What's this?"

"Chinese fighting muffin." Shaun replied, laughing.

"That's not funny. A friend of mine once took a Chinese fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags." Remus said.

Steven growled."They're not Chinese fighting muffins, they're chocolate!What is going on?I mean, Alan you're acting very 'out of character' or in fanfic speak'OOC', and you too, Severus."

Shaun stopped laughing,"Yeah it's almost as if you guys have.....You have, haven't you?"

Alan and Severus nodded."Yes." They said in unison.

"We have, no thanks to 'Mr Chinese Fighting Muffin' over there." Severus said.

"Don't insult our brother, it's his fault that we are in this goddamn predictament."Alan groused.He fiddled with his hair,"God I'm going to have to change my hair again."

"Don't you dare. I mean I need it for continuity. How do you think the nitpickers will react if 'Professor Severus Snape's' hair suddenly changes colour? They would have a field day."

"Well at least it's not to short or too long.It's just too blonde for me.Anyway MY hair has always been black so why are you blonde?"

"It's for the film I'm doing at the same time as 'Harry Potter' I have to switch my hair colour for the two different roles."

"Oh dear, What a shame."

"Careful or I'll get 'Mr Chinese Fighting Muffin' on to you."

"Someone has been watching too much Charlie's Angels." Shaun commented.

"I'm bored,"Steven muttered,He started singing quietly, "Hey, is this thing on? (uh uh)

I saw her dancin there by the record machine

I knew she must have been about 17

The beat was going strong

Playin my favorite song

I could tell it wouldn't be long till she was with

Me (yeah me)

I could tell it wouldn't be long till she was with

Me (yeah with me)

(sing it)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!

She smiled so I got up and asked for her name

But that don't matter she said, cuz it's all the same.

She said, can I take you home?

Where we can be alone

And next we're moving on, and she was with me (yeah Me)

We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song

(yeah with me)

(singing)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!

I love rock and roll, yea

Cause it soothes my soul, yea

I love rock and roll, yea ay yea

She said, can I take you home?

Where we can be alone

And next we're moving on, and she was with me (yeah Me)

We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song

(yeah with me)

(singing)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!

(singing)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!"

"Who was that about?" A bemused Harry asked Steven.

Chapter 12

Alan muttered,"Never mind.Is this a singing contest? Can I join in?"He opened his mouth and sung and rapped, stealing the lyrics from someone, who he had heard rap these lyrics, not so long ago."Yeah Yeah

Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them

Opposition I'll just take him

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]

Understand, I'll never kid around with you

Try to resist I'll dismiss you

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]

Basically I'm the worst nightmare you ever had

Figure a trigger happy black cat with a pink tail

Parading around Hogwarts school[Argh!]

High off milk, with a banana clip

Feasting off the weak tea of Hogwarts

with a manuscript, and professional ass whipping

Task force, brass knuckles a master in ass kicking

If you ask for it I'll blast for it you back-flipping

No one saw it I won't stop the clock ticking

Got a wizard for a partner that's ready to fight me

The world's a merry-go-round I stereotype slythies

He's a spit in the face for pit bull and bite gryffies

Matters of fact, I kinda like this cat for a white tiger

Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them

Opposition I'll just take him

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]

Understand, I'll never kid around with you

Try to resist I'll dismiss you

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]

I got the project sorta locked they trust my logic

'cos the star profs got it from wands to damn curses

My object is to deprogram blind ya optics

You cannot stop this mission this topic

'cos you can write tickets my sweetheart or get paid

Learn this game in the streets or get slayed

collect this cheese at the end of this maze

Or hit the desk and fill out forms for days

Need I remind you

how easy it would be to take the city by storm with the whole force behind you

Shorty in the trunk and on my collar there's a bell too

'cos psychologically the wands you use will define you

Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them

Opposition I'll just take him

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]

Understand, I'll never kid around with you

Try to resist I'll dismiss you

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]

These evil streets don't sleep

Be careful with who you mingle

In a city where it pays to be bi-lingual

Jokes so brief-o "

"I'm Maxi leaving enemies stunned on arrival

For a couple of mill and you're screwing my fun up

Trying to play the hero cat and you still suck

Put you to bed with one in your head you won't feel much

(Repeat 2 X)

Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them

Opposition I'll just take him

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]

Understand, I'll never kid around with you

Try to resist I'll dismiss you

bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]"

Draco looked at Alan,"Hey you stole those lyrics off Max."

"Who's Max?" Severus asked.

"He's right.You stole them.Professor you should know who Max is.."Hermione added."Hang on, how could you not know? Unless......OH MY GOD!"She rounded on Steven,"You switched them.No wonder.Oh God."

"Crap on Voldermort's pantyhose."Shaun commented."Steven, YOU ARE A GODDAMN IDIOT!"

Chapter 13

"Isn't Max that very nice black cat?" Steven asked. "Hey I'm not an idiot."

"Yes, but surely you meant annoying and rude?" Alan replied. "You ARE an idiot. I don't know how you passed your auror training."

"Brains, my dear brother."

Alan walked over to Severus' desk and opened the drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors. He walked up behind Steven and cut off his hair just above the ponytail band, so his hair was in the style of Severus. Steven whirled around and scowled at Alan. "What did you do that for? My hair!" Steven wailed.

"Well as I thought you needed a haircut, Steven." Alan replied.

"If I didn't know that you were really Severus in that body, I would've guessed. Only Severus is THAT evil."

"It'll grow back." Alan retorted. He turned to Hermione and thrust Steven's hair into her hand. "Miss Granger, hold onto that." Hermione took it and put it in her pocket as it was the only place she could put it, to keep her hands free.

"You can stick a bean sprout up your hole." Steven replied, his hand coming up to stroke what was left of his hair.

"Ew! No thanks, it'd be waste of a good bean sprout."

"Oh my God! They start filming in two days." Severus suddenly interrupted. "Poor Daniel, poor Rupert, poor David, poor Gary and poor Emma too, having to put up the real Sevvie." He looked at Alan, "Now Sevvie, play nice. I don't want to hear that you were mean to them." He gave Alan a look that said, `If you do, I'll come down on you like a ton of bricks.'

Alan sighed, "It wouldn't be the first time that I've had to be you, and I have a feeling it won't be the last."

"Yeah I know. At least this time it didn't make you turn into a baby and have your mum change your nappy because you've done a poo-poo but you know how to go to potty." Severus muttered. Steven, Shaun and Alan all nodded.The students just looked confused.

"That's true." Steven growled.

Alan addressed the class. "If any of you tell anyone else what has happened here to day, I'll personally cut your heart out with a spoon. UNDERSTAND?" The class nodded, looking fearful.

"That's my line." Severus protested

"So? I'm in your body, so I can steal your lines."

"And my underwear…"

"You're wearing underwear? What a surprise."

"I'm always wearing underwear, it's Steven and Shaun that don't."

"We also sunbathe in the nude." Shaun told the class, making all the girls blush.

Hermione and Ginny shared a look.

"That's way too much information." Alan said, "I don't think the class needed to know that."

"I'm not wearing any at the moment," Steven clarified, "Do you girls want to see?" The girls all nodded. Steven smiled and reached for his zip.

Chapter 14

Steven slowly unzipped his trousers, ignoring the girls lustful glances, and pulled them open so the class could see that he wasn't, in fact, wearing any underwear."See I told you I wasn't..."

Remus looked down at Steven's crotch and then realising where his eyes had been looked quickly up."Great." He muttered, "Now I feel much less of a man now.."

"Aren't you and David identical?"Steven asked, his bits still hanging out.

"Not as identical as you guys."

Alan put his hand in front of Steven's crotch,"Steven put it away..." He ordered.

"Severus, don't touch what you can't afford."Steven growled.

"I can afford it and besides I have my own one to play with." Alan retorted.

"Well go and play with it then."

"I would but I'm currently not occupying my own body so I can't."

Steven jumped as he felt a featherlike touch on his nether regions. He looked down to see Ginny running a finger along it.She looked up at him, "It's so soft.." Alan blinked,'That can not be Miss Weasley touching up my brother..."He blinked again, 'It is, AND she's doing it in front of her brother and he's just watching..' Steven's hand reached down and grabbed her hand and pulled it, gently away. He grinned at her, as he put himself away. "As much as I love being touched up, this is neither the time or the place..." He looked at Sirius, "Although if your crush won't come through, I might just have to have you for myself."

Chapter 14

Ginny blushed, "I don't know what you mean......Uh....."

"Steven...My name is Steven although I do answer to Severus, Shaun, Alan, Oi you or even Bedhopper although not all the rumours are true.."

Alan snorted, "What? Not even the one when you were caught shagging that fifth year in the broom closet?" Shaun and Severus started to chuckle. Remus and Sirius burst out laughing.

Steven blushed as that one was true and the story had found it's way round the school in no time. He had to endure a week of teasing before Severus had been caught in the same situation."Shut up Severus...You weren't the innocent flower either..." He snapped, "I seem to remember you getting caught in the same situation with a Gryffindor no less."

The students all looked at Alan incredulously.' Snape caught shagging a Gryffindor?'

"I wasn't the one getting chewed out because it was some sixth year's girlfriend that you were shagging..I remember he threatened to beat you up until you whispered something in his ear that made him back off...."

"Shut up."Steven snarled, reminding the students how much like his brother he was. "I'm trying to talk to.....um..Ginny and you keep f...... bloody well interrupting me.." He turned to Ginny and said to her, with a mischievious grin on his face, which made him look even more sexy than ever."I know who your crush is and I will help you to make him notice you.."

Ginny gulped and nodded her ok.Steven smiled and dragged her in a corner.

Severus turned to Hermione and said to her quietly, answering the question that has been bursting out of her gut, "Don't worry, he knows what he's doing." at her look he elaborated, as an auror he's had to do a lot of undercover work..."

"Yeah in both meanings of the word..."Shaun interrupted. "Better be careful or Steven will be adding another notch on his well marked bedpost.."#

"If half those stories are true, I'm suprised his bed hasn't collapsed." Sirius added, joining the conversation.

"That's a big IF." Remus remarked. "He always was a charmer. He could always get ANYONE into bed with him by using the voice, heck all of them do." He added with a look at Severus.

"Anyone? Don't you mean any girl?" Hermione asked.

"No I mean ANYONE,"Remus confirmed, "Heck if I wasn't straight, I'd be joining the queue."

"Me too."Sirius agreed. Severus and Hermione gave him a look,"I'm straight, so is Steven.... Well sort of...He swings both ways.."

"I'm straight and so is Alan and Severus." Shaun confirmed.

"But it's cool.."

"Sirius here has a thing for a girl named...."Remus teased.

They were interrupted in their gossiping when Steven gave a shout from across the classroom.

Chapter 15

They all turned around and saw that Steven had put Ginny's hair up in a loose bun, with a few tendrils framing her face.

Sirius' jaw dropped,"Wow!"

Steven smiled,"Isn't she just....precious?"

Alan opened his mouth to respond but instead let out a yelp, "What was that? My pocket is vibrating."

Severus sighed, "Idiot, that's my mobile... Wonder who that is." He dug around Alan's pocket and pulled his mobile out, which was vibrating and ringing madly.He looked at the screen, "It's Gary.."

"Gary Oldman?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. How many Garys do you think I know?" Severus answered."Now Gary knows about Hogwarts and everything..so he won't be suprised." He pressed the answer button."Hey Gary.What's up?" The others could hear it this time because Severus had put it on loudspeaker..

"About time."Gary responded.

"Shut up. I had to have a good dig around my pocket."

"Alright. No need to get your pants in a bunch... I was just ringing to ask, are you looking forward to filming?"

"As long as you don't steal the screen."

"I'm in for about 30 mins tops." Gary retorted. "Unlike you... You scene stealing hack."

Severus' voice took on a teasing tone,"Rent Boy." The students looked confused.

"Slut."Gary teased back.

"Drag Queen."

"Drama Queen."

"Slash Puppy"

"Mancandy Tramp."

"Where did you pick that up from?"Severus asked,"Werewolf Groupie"

"Lucius Lover"

"Bondage Freak"

"Dominatrix"

"Leather Lover"

"Silk Freak"

"You're not going to let me get the last word, are you?"

"Never have, never will.."Gary retorted."I'm not the one getting cosy with David."

Steven let out a yell."Ha! I knew it."

"Shut it, Steven." Severus growled,"You do know what happens to Sirius in the fifth book, don't you?"

"Yeah, I heard... Is he there?"

"Yeah he's here."Severus replied. "When I read the fifth book, I cheered when Sirius fell through the veil."

"You would... You evil git."

"Hello Snuffles is still here." Sirius said.

"Whatever, get your arse through that veil."

"Who are you talking to?"Asked Gary and Sirius at the same time.

"Snuffles."

"Well that really helps, seeing as there are two Snuffles."Gary muttered.

Sirius butted in, "Snuffles one says 'Alan Rickman is an evil git.'"

Gary laughed and added,"Snuffles two agrees with Snuffles one and would also like to add that Alan Rickman is a wannabe drama queen."

"Alright you two stop quoting the books or I'll push you through there myself."

Chapter 16

Gary made a noise that could be growl or a purr, "I'd like to see you try. Look I`ve got to go and get ready. People to see, things to do.."

"Shouldn't it be, things to see and people to do? Severus asked. "Okay I'll see you later."

"You mean tomorrow, don't you? Or have you forgotten that we're filming the Shrieking Shack scene?" Gary asked. "You know, where David has to transform and then rip your clothes off."

"Shit, how could I forget?" Severus said, "Okay, I'll see you `tomorrow'. Bye." Severus hung up. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "How did that guy become a famous actor?" a long silence greeted him at this question.

Steven took advantage of the silence to add, "Perhaps it's the favours he gets, from his willing audience."

What like you, you mean?" Severus asked, quirking an eyebrow in amusement.

Steven grinned, "Why not? That guy has got a tight ass." That comment made Harry snort and Neville to look more confused.

Harry leaned into Neville and whispered, "I'll explain later.."

Steven opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the bell for lunch The students filed out. Remus looked at them and followed them Sirius following him. "Got to prepare for the darling students, have you?" Steven yelled after him, "Or are you going to be doing `it' doggy style?" This comment made the students in the hall turn around and look at him in amazement, because to them, it looked like Severus had taken leave of his senses.

Remus turned around and, surprising the students, yelled back. "I believe that's your job Steven."

"I would but I don't go for four legged creatures. No matter how tight their ass.." Steven responded, "What do you two do in the Shrieking Shack anyway?"

Alan came up behind Steven and muttered in his ear, "That question is best left unanswered." Louder, he added, "I ask myself the same question."

"Ah now I understand, why you went to the Shrieking Shack in our sixth year." Steven asked, "So find out anything interesting?"

Remus interrupted this conversation by marching up to Steven and Alan and stood in front of them, "Need I remind you, Steven, of your little jaunt in the Prefect's Bathroom in our seventh year, with Matty, Mary, Bella, Lucia and a few other students?"

"How did you…?" Steven asked, his face pale.

"You forget about the Marauder's Map and it's `special feature'." Sirius added, coming up behind Remus. "It came with sound as well. There was a lot of screaming, shagging and other things going on." The students had paused and were listening to the conversation.

"WHERE IS THAT BLOODY MAP? WHEN I GET HOLD OF IT, I'M GOING TO BURN IT!!!" Steven yelled.

"And you said you were an avid reader of `Harry Potter'," Shaun remarked, "Try reading the third book again."

"Harry has it." Steven realised. He made to go to Harry, but was stopped by Shaun putting an arm on Steven's shoulder.

"Leave it." Shaun commanded.

Steven glared at Remus, who was unfazed by the angry dark haired man in front of him. "That's blackmail." Steven paused, then smiled, "But you forget that I also have my ways of knowing what goes on in Hogwarts. Especially what went on last night."

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and paled, "No not that…"

Steven smirked evily and said, "Well I can't help it if you two are so involved with Britney and Christina and doing a Madonna. He smirked as he remembered the events that happened the night before.

++FB++

In the Shrieking Shack's upstairs bedroom, Remus Lupin stood in front of Sirius, who was sitting on the bed, shaking his booty, to Britney Spears, but that wasn't the worst of it, he was wearing a long blonde wig, white blouse and a skirt. Sirius was just as bad, wearing black leather chaps, what looked like a bikini top and a long black wig. They both held a bottle of what looked like Fire whiskey, which also looked to be nearly empty. Two empty bottles stood by Remus` feet..

*Oh my God. Hope they won't wear that tomorrow, that's really scary.*

Sirius got up, put his arm around Remus as the song changed, Remus' hand brushed a stray lock of hair off Sirius' face and they started dancing very closely. They looked at each other and smiled.

/Steven was looking on horrified, but unable to look away/

Sirius sang the next song, while shaking his booty like he was Rod Stewart.

"Hey, is this thing on? (uh uh)

I saw him dancin there by the record machine

I knew he must have been about 17

The beat was going strong

Playin my favorite song

I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with

Me (yeah me)

I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with

Me (yeah with me)

(sing it)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!"

*I like that song, why do you have to butcher it like that.*

"He smiled so I got up and asked for his name

But that don't matter he said, cuz it's all the same.

He said, can I take you home?

Where we can be alone

And next we're moving on, and he was with me (yeah Me)

We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song

(yeah with me)

(singing)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!" Sirius was, now dancing, so close to Remus that they were almost sharing each other's underwear.

"I love rock and roll, yea

Cause it soothes my soul, yea

I love rock and roll, yea ay yea

He said, can I take you home? "

Where we can be alone

And next we're moving on, and he was with me (yeah Me)

We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song

(yeah with me)

(singing)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!

(singing)

I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the

Juke box baby

I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and

Dance with me

Ow!"

/By this time Steven was getting excited and he couldn't hold it in any longer. As he came, he let out a howl that sounded like a werewolf in heat./

Remus looked at Sirius, "What's next?" They were standing very close together.

/Steven leaned nearer the mirror, eager to catch every word./

"We do a Madonna.."

"What like with….." Remus broke off as Sirius placed a hand over his mouth.

"Yes but we need a song first.. To get in the mood"

*Yeah right, if you're not horny already I'll eat Alan's script..*/Steven snorted/

"What song?" Remus asked, paused to listen as the radio announcer announced the next song., "That's not fair.. I don't have any mints."

"Just because this song was playing as your cousin was given a mint with no hands doesn't mean you have to."

They looked at each other as the first bars of the song were playing, "Darling you gotta let me know

Should I stay or should I go?

If you say that you are mine

I'll be here 'til the end of time

So you got to let know

Should I stay or should I go?

Always tease tease tease

Siempre - coqetiando y enganyando"

Sir ius and Remus were getting closer and closer to each other. Their lips were almost touching..

*They're gonna kiss*

"You're happy when I'm on my knees

Me arrodilla y estas feliz

One day is fine, next is black

Un dias bien el otro negro

So if you want me off your back

Al rededar en tu espalda

Well come on and let me know

Me tienes que desir

Should I stay or should I go?

Me debo ir o que darme

Should I stay or should I go now?

Should I stay or should I go now?

If I go there will be trouble

An' if I stay it will be double

So come on and let me know

This indecision's bugging me

Esta undecision me molesta

If you don't want me, set me free

Si no me quieres, librame

Exactly who'm I'm supposed to be

Diga me que tengo ser

Don't you know which clothes even fit me?

"saves que robas me querda?

Come on and let me know

Me tienes que desir

Should I cool it or should I blow?

"me debo ir o quedarme?

Should I stay or should I go now?

"yo me frio o lo sophlo?

If I go there will be trouble

Si me voi - va ver peligro

And if I stay it will be double

Si me quedo es doble

So you gotta let me know

Me tienes que decir

Should I stay or should I go?

"yo me frio o lo sophlo?"

By the time the song was finished Sirius and Remus were kissing each other passionately.. They broke apart as a noise interrupted their `snogfest'

Remus looked at Sirius. "Um I guess we better get to bed."

"Uh huh."

"It never happened."

"No one need know."

They gave each other a small kiss and stumbled back to the castle, little knowing that there was a witness to their actions and was willing to exploit it. They parted and went to their separate beds dreaming of their escapades.

*Ha, when I see them tomorrow, I'll let them know what I saw.* /Steven thought to himself, *this'll be fun.*/Tapping the mirror, he deactivated it and then he climbed into bed and fell asleep, dreaming of what he had witnessed and what he was going to do with the knowledge.

++End FB++

"You evil git!" Sirius yelled, while trying to launch himself at Steven. Remus had to hold Sirius back while Steven laughed.

"Remus, you really must put him on a leash." Steven said, while trying not to laugh in their faces. "Actually I don't care who you tell about my escapade in the bathroom but how will all those students react when they hear about what Sirius Black and Remus Lupin do in the Shrieking Shack." He turned to the bemused students, muttered 'Sonarus' and said, his voice booming around the whole school because he had overdosed on the sonarus charm, "Everyone! I was shagging 6 girls in the prefects bathroom when I was 16 years old and I enjoyed it. I'm not afraid to admit it..."He looked at Alan, who was looking a bit mortified, the younger students looked confused and the older ones just smirked, "In fact," he added, "I enjoy all forms of shagging and I haven't had a shag in a week."

Remus hid a smirk. "well that's nice to know, Steven."

Sirius added, also with a smirk, while handing Steven a cup of coffee. "No wonder you're a bit grumpy.."

Steven downed the drink then shuddered, "Did you put something in this drink?"

"Hell no, that's how you have your coffee, white, no sugar right?"

"No that's Shaun I have one sugar... but it's good."

Chapter 18

Shaun grabbed Alan's and Steven's arms and started dragging them to the Great Hall, Severus, Sirius and Remus and the students trailing behind.Steven was humming 'I love rock and roll' under his breath'

Alan, Steven and Steven stopped suddenly and they both opened their mouths and started singing,"Here we are.born to be kings.We're the princes of the universe.Here we belong."While they were singing instuments had appeared out of nowhere. Sirius had one of the guitars, Shaun had the other guitar, Remus had the drum kit,which was bobbing in mid-air in front of him and they all had hands free microphones on their heads even Steven, Alan and Severus.They started walking up the stairs to the Great hall.Sirius was strumming experimently on the guitar and then he started playing it properly.Steven sung the next part on his own "fighting to survive.In a world with the darkest powers."Sirius was really playing the guitar now with an awsome guitar riff."And here we are.we're the princes of the universe.Here we belong.fighting for survival.

We've come to be the rulers of your world."

Severus was next,"I am immortal.i have inside me blood of kings.I have no rival.no man can be my equal.Take me to the future of your world."

Steven was next, "Born to be kings.princes of the universe.

Fighting and free.got your world in my hand.

I'm here for your love and I'll make my stand.

We were born to be princes of the universe."

Alan was after him, "No man could understand.my power is in my own hand.Ooh.ooh.ooh.ooh.people talk about you.

People say you've had your day.I'm a man that will go far.

Fly the moon and reach for the stars.With my sword and head held high.Got to pass the test first time - yeah.I know that people talk about me I hear it every day.But I can prove you wrong cos I'm right first time.Yeah.yeah.alright.watch this man fly."Sirius cut in with a guitar riff."Bring on the girls."All of the affected sang the last part together.,"Here we are.born to be kings.we're the princes of

The universe.here we belong.born to be kings.

Princes of the universe.fighting and free.

Got the world in my hands.I'm here for your love.

And I'll make my stand.

We were born to be princes of the universe."

They were outside the Great Hall by this time. They opened the door and entered..

In the Great Hall the students turned to see them enter.Sirius seemed to be trying not to dance but he failed and started dancing around. He opened his mouth and sung, the other singing in the background, all looking horrifed, "Day-o, day-o

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

Day is a day, is a day, is a day

Is a day, is a day-o

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

Work all night, gonna drink our rum

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

Stack banana till the morning come

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

* Come mister tally man, tally me banana

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

Come mister tally man, tally me banana

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

* Day ia a day-o

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

Day is a day, is a day, is a day

Is a day, is a day

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

A beautiful bunch, a ripe banana

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

I seek deadly lacked a launch-ra

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

(Repeat ** and *** then *)

Day-o, day-o

(Till I come and me wanna go home)

Day is a day, is a day, is a day

Is a day, is a day-o."

As they stopped singing, the students broke out in applause. The muggleborns looked at their pureblood neighbours and mothed, 'Beetlejuice." The instuments disappeared. The afflicted sat down on the nearest chair.

Steven sat down next to Hary and Ron on the Gryffindor table. "What was that?" Steven asked. Harry shrugged.Steven smiled evily, and leaned over to where Shaun was sitting and emptied a vial of some potion in Shaun's drink when Shaun wasn't watching. "I got some dream potion from Sirius,"Steven explained, watching Shaun take a drink out of it and nearly choke.A bubble pooped out of Shaun's head.

**Shaun's Dream**

(A roman gladiator arena, Shaun is sitting in the royal box as a roman emperor drinking pepsi from a box full of ice and cans of pepsi. Down below in the actual arena, Britney Spears, Beyonce Knowles and Pink march out wearing skinmpy gladiator costumes. Britney is carrying a sheild and sword, Beyonce is carrying a net and a trident and Pink is carrying a spear and shield. the stop in the middle of the arena, while the crowd are clapping and stamping their feet. They look at each other and throw their weapons down. Shaun leans forward in disbelief. The crowd boo.)

Pink(shouts): We will we will rock you!

(The crowds stamping gets even louder.The ice box by shaun vibrates. Beyonce, Britney and Pink start dancing.)

Crowd, plus Pink Britney and Beyonce: We will we will rock you!(the ice box vibrates so much that it falls of it's perch into the arena) We will we will rock you!(Shaun stands up and a statue falls down and catapults Shaun up in the air, down into the arena) We will we will rock you!(the girls pick up the pepsi cans and drink it)

**End Shauns Dream**

Chapter 19

The whole hall was quiet.. Shaun broke it first by saying, "So what? I drink a lot of Pepsi."

"Only because of that advert.. We were staying with Alan not that long ago and when that came on, his eyes popped out of his head." Steven explained.

"I wasn't the only one, who was……"Shaun started but was stopped when Steven's hand was placed over his mouth. Shaun shook Steven off and glared at his brother.

Steven glared back at Shaun and refused to speak to him for the rest of the day. When Severus had wondered what was wrong with Steven, Shaun had replied, "He hasn't had a shag in a week, that's why he's grumpy."

Ginny had muttered under her breath, so that Severus and Hermione heard her, "Hey I'd shag him, it's not if Sirius ever noticed me."

Severus and Hermione turned to Ginny in shock, "Ginny! I agree though.." Hermione spluttered.

Severus said nothing but his raised eyebrow conveyed a million words.

Chapter 20

Later, when it was time to go to bed, Hermione put on her best and sexiest nightie, "Wouldn't it be great if Severus saw me in this?" She muttered to herself, she shook her head, "Never going to happen." She told herself, as she climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her. She reached over to turn out her light and she soon fell into a intense dream..

**Hermione's dream**

(Hermione is standing in the Great Hall, everyone around her is busily eating and talking. Suddenly the whole hall goes quiet and they all looked towards the door. The doors burst open and Lucius, Alan, Remus and Sirius march in wearing black leather catsuits and dog collars and black eyeliner. In essence, very sexy indeed. Lucius was carrying his pimpstick (A/N: It`s all Bella`s fault as it is with the phrase `Mancandy Tramp`), Remus was carrying a leash, Alan, a pair of handcuffs and Sirius was holding a spanking paddle.)

Harry (sighs): Wow. Wish I was that cool.

Ginny (eyeing up Sirius and Lucius): Ooh Snuffles…(Re: Lucius) Who cares if he's evil? I want him now!!!

(The BDSM rejects part to reveal Severus, wearing the same outfit but he carried a whip. He stood in front of Hermione and smiled. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into a steamy tango. Out of the corner of her eye she can see the others doing the same with a few of the other girls, Sirius with Ginny, Lucius with Bella, a very outspoken Slytherin, Remus was with his girlfriend, Jade and Alan was with Lucia, another Slytherin)

Hermione (As he dips her): Oh Severus.

Severus: Shush my dear (wrapping his whip around her waist and pulling her to him) The best bit isn't over yet. (he dips her again) So what do you think?

Hermione: Wow. You smell nice.

Severus: Lets see what the others are doing, shall we?

((Hermione turned her head to see what the others are up to. Sirius has torn Ginny's clothes off and had pinned her to the Gryffindor table and was using the spanking paddle on her, the whole hall was cheering him on, Remus was with his girlfriend in a quiet corner smooching , Alan was pinned to the wall by Lucia, and Marta, another Slytherin, was trying to handcuff him to the manacles that were on the wall, and both girls were also tearing his clothes off with their teeth, and Lucius, well, he had no clothes on, except for his collar and was being smacked by his pimp cane, whilst lying spread eagle on the Slytherin table, by Bella.)

Bella (Between hits): Who`s a naughty boy then? Who`s a naughty boy then? Who`s a naughty boy then?

Lucius: I am, I am. I am. I'm the naughty boy.

(Hermione looked back to Severus, who looked her in the eye then backed off)

Severus: Well, what say you about joining the debauchery that's going on around here? (Hermione gulps and nodded and Severus smiles) I thought so, you saucy minx. (his hand goes for the zip that's in the front of his catsuit and pulls down, slowly.)

Hermione: Get it off!

Severus (Still pulling slowly): My goodness, you are eager to get into my underwear. (His hand pauses and Hermione moans) What? (sighs) Tell you what, I'm sick of teasing.. I'll get it off quicker (his hands pulls the catsuit down faster, exposing his toned chest, out comes one arm, then the other.. He's about to pull the catsuit down past his waist when……

**End Hermione's Dream**

Hermione started awake to find Max sniffing her ear. She pushed him off the bed and sighed out loud ."Why did you wake me? It was getting interesting."

"Indeed, it was a very interesting dream." A male voice said, making Hermione jump. The owner of the voice, walked out of the shadows and she saw it was Severus. She could tell by the hair. "Professor, what are you doing here? Or should I call you Alan?"

"I came to spy on you." Severus said, as he sat on her bed. He reached over and stroked her hair. "Now I know how you feel…"

Hermione was practically purring, "Please Professor…"Hermione began.

Severus leaned towards her, "Do you want me to stop? Do you want chains?" he whispered in her ear. He gently started nibbling her neck, Hermione had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself crying out. Severus smirked. "I want you… wrapped up in silk and begging for mercy," He rasped in her ear making her moan with pleasure. Severus started kissing her, but before it could get heated, a voice rang out. "Hermione, what's all that noise? Who have you got in bed with you?" Hermione recognised the voice as belonging to her dorm mate Lavender.

Hermione pulled away from Severus and said, "Oh it's only Max."

"It sounded like Professor Snape." Lavender answered back.

Parvati cut in with, "Or one of his sexy brothers…"

Hermione chanced a look at Severus, who was trying not to laugh, "no it's just Max, you know how he loves his tricks.."

"Max, keep it down.. We're trying to get our beauty sleep." Lavender and Parvati ordered.

Max muttered so that only Hermione and Severus could hear him. "Well you'd need a whole lot of sleep then.." Severus started to snigger, quietly. Max jumped down and grabbed Severus' pyjama bottoms, in his teeth and pulled hard, causing Severus to fall of the bed and hit the floor with a loud thump, "Ow," Groaned Severus, and Max had pulled Severus' pyjama bottoms off completely and had run out the room with them. Severus picked himself off the floor and sat back down on Hermione's bed. Hermione could help but notice his pale legs. They were skinny but muscular and well defined. Hairy but not too hairy. Severus brought his knee up so Hermione got a full view of what he's been hiding under his robes. Severus muttered something rude about Max and then shivered, "God it's cold in here." He then looked at Hermione and then at the bed and then clambered under the covers next to her. He sighed, "That's better. I feel warmer now." He looked at Hermione and leaned in and kissed her passionately. Hermione felt like she was walking on air and on fire at the same time.

Chapter 20

Severus' hand's began to stroke Hermione's breasts from outside the nightie, lightly rubbing against the fabric with the palm of his hand as their lips met once again. Their tongues dancing against each other, sensuously sliding up against each other, dancing, teasing, skimming. Severus gently pulled her nightie over her head, exposing her bare breasts underneath, her dark nipples already erect and hardened. Severus began to lick at Hermione's breast, his tongue gliding effortlessly against her satin skin, inhaling her intoxicating aroma. Hermione reached up to remove Severus' shirt as his hands began to glide up and down her back causing a chill, that had nothing to do with the heat, Hermione moaned quietly. Severus stopped suddenly and he looked at Hermione. Grabbing her wand from the bedside table, he muttered a quick silencing spell. "Now you can scream all you want and no one will hear you." He explained. "Now where were we?" Kissing her deeply, Hermione returned the kiss with passion, her hands already moving to Severus' crotch, Severus caught her hands just before she was about to touch him. Looking at her he could see the hunger in her eyes. "Not yet" he replied with a grin.

Hermione screwed up her nose at him in distaste but grinned nonetheless. His erection stood out, looking long, dark and hard She looked down at it with hunger, wanting nothing more than to reach out and stroke it, to tease him as he had her. But she knew that she must be patient. She felt his tongue on her neck as she closed her eyes, her heart beating faster as his tongue left tremors of pleasure travel up down her body. Severus could hear Hermione's breathing become course as he made his way down, following the trail as he went. Severus she chanted softly as Severus made his way across her breasts, sucking lavishly at her erect nipples. Hermione moaned louder as Severus took her nipple in his mouth sucking greedily, arching her body forward as much as her restraints would allow her too her mouth parted as her tongue lolled lazily within as she moved her head from side to side, Severus she whispered but a breath. Smiling Severus skipped past her navel down to her crotch where he lightly began to brush her thigh with the tip of his tongue. Hermione moaned loudly, crossing her legs at the back of his head as he continued to tease her as she bucked her hips towards his face, wanting nothing more than to feel him deep inside her. Severus continued to tease her, his tongue flicking close to her lips only to skip across to the other thigh then back down and back up her navel.

"Severus I want you. Please." Hermione begged.

Severus brushed his face lightly across Hermione's privates as he enjoyed hearing her succumb to his lightest touch. Severus. She chanted softly. Severus began to softly lick her, enjoying the feeling of her rough hair against his velvet soft tongue as he spread apart her lips her fluids trickling out upon his tongue as he luxuriated in the taste of her sex. Hermione cried out in ecstasy as she felt his tongue inside her, gyrating against her core.

"Severus. Yes. That's it."

Severus' forefinger found Hermione's clitoris as he rubbed against it roughly. This caused Hermione to buck in pleasure as her moans overtook her, her legs tightening around Severus' head as he felt her orgasm amongst moans of pleasure. Severus waited until her pleasure subsided before crawling back up the bed . He kissed her roughly. "I Thought it would be mean of me to tease you any more." He explained as he placed himself between her long legs, the tip of his penis grazed Hermione's entrance. "Do you want to be well and truly fucked?" he asked, giving her a chance to back out. Hermione nodded and snarled, her voice thick with pleasure, "Yes damn it. Now!"

Severus sighed, "Okay, you asked for it." He replied before entering her roughly. Hermione cried out as she felt her hymen break. Severus stopped and looked at her, waiting for her to adjust to his size, "Sorry." He said, stroking her hair and moving in and out of her gently. Hermione's legs wrapped themselves around Severus' waist giving him deeper penetration. Severus kissed her on the lips gently, his thrusting speeding up, Hemione groaning in pleasure as her orgasm was nearing, "Faster! Harder! Ohhhhhhh God!" She cried, nearly reaching her peak. Steven thrust even harder, his hair flopping in her face and tickling her nose. She cried out when her orgasm hit her and she felt Severus fill her with his come as he came, letting off a loud howl which made her grateful for the silencing charm, `He sounds like a werewolf in heat.' She thought to herself and giggled for thinking of Remus while in bed with him.

Severus looked at her, "What's so funny?" He asked her as he rolled off her. She moaned as the heat of his body left her.

Hermione giggled and was about to answer when she heard footsteps outside.

Chapter 21

The footsteps stopped outside Hermione's bed and the curtain flew open, revealing Ginny in a cute blue teddy bear suit, "Hermione, can I borrow….?" Ginny broke off as she took in the scene in front of her. Severus grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the bed and pulled the curtain shut. He threw her on the bed next to Hermione. "Professor…"Ginny began but was silenced by a kiss from Severus. When he let her go she gasped for air and smiled, "Wow!!! Wish Sirius would kiss me like that." Severus just smirked and said, "I'm a much better kisser than Sirius. Now let's not talk about him. I need a shag and as you two have fallen into my lap, let`s get ready to rumble." He pushed her on the bed and she melted under his ministrations..

Later, Ginny and Hermione walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, with big smiles on their faces and walking a bit bowlegged. Max had come back and had run off with Severus' pyjama top, so Severus had to borrow a baby blue dressing gown of Hermione's. The students that were up were surprised to see Severus in the Gryffindor tower, much less wearing a baby blue dressing gown. They sat down next to Steven, who had a massive love bite on his neck, and said good morning to him, to which he had responded to quite cheerfully. Shaun, who was sitting opposite him dropped his fork in surprise. "God Steven, you're awfully happy this morning." Shaun said. "Did you finally get shagged then? No wait don't answer that, of course you did. Who?" He looked at Ginny and Hermione, took in their mussed hair and the way they gingerly sat down, and put two and two together, "You didn't?" He groaned as Steven nodded. Hermione looked at Steven and understood, "You sod! You pretended to be Professor Snape…"She hissed to Steven, who looked taken aback.

"I didn't pretend anything, Hermione, you just assumed I was him." Steven hissed back to Hermione, who nodded as she realised he was right. Hermione suddenly giggled again as she recalled something, she whispered something in Ginny's ear, who looked stunned and then giggled as well. "What? What is so funny?" Steven asked.

"I don't like the sound of that giggle ."Shaun commented, his fork halfway to his mouth.

"Me neither. Hermione giggled after we…"Steven began, casting a wary eye at the students around him but they took no notice of him or the conversation. "and when I asked her what was so funny, she never did tell me. You ever had that problem Shaun?"

"No and good job too. I tend to get a bit paranoid…" Shaun began. "so are you going to tell us or am I going to have to shag you to get it out of you?"

Ginny smirked and said, with an evil grin, "Maybe.."

"You saucy minx." Steven accused, "By the way, Shaun, Hermione had a very interesting dream, involving leather catsuits, Remus, a few girls, Sirius, Lucius Malfoy, Alan, Harry, chips, dips, chains and whips."

"THERE WERE NO CHIPS OR DIPS INVOLVED!!!" Hermione yelled, making everyone turning around and stare at her. They looked at her for a few minutes and then went back to their conversations.

"Okay, no need to get your panties in a bunch. I notice that you don`t deny the other things though." Shaun said, wiggling his finger in his ear.

"It also involved a spanking paddle wielded by Bella over there," Steven said, indicating a tall red headed Slytherin, who was sitting next to Jade, a purple haired Slytherin, "and Jade..." he broke off when Hermione had hit him on the arm. "God, you have a hard punch." He smirked, and added, "Although if you want to get me in leather all you have to do is ask."

"Yeah, we'll only be too happy to get in leather." Shaun added, "Although Sevvie and Alan don't go anywhere near those types of clothes."

"Shaun likes to play at being a master. He's a domination king. He actually owns all that stuff in your dream." Steven explained. He turned to Shaun, "Did you bring them with you?"

"Yes but you can`t borrow them. Can you imagine Albus' face if I brought them out and started using it on the students?"

"I know Severus would get a kick out it if you used it on Harry." Steven said. "I think Harry would get a kick out of it." he added, with an evil smirk.

"Ew, get your mind out of the gutter." Shaun replied. "I wouldn't do that to Harry. I'm not as kinky as you."

"Excuse me, you not kinky? Why are you known as Master Kinkfest then?"


END PART 21


(A/N: What effect will the potion have on them?)Read and Review.