Title: Retain, Relinquish

Author: Sarah Maria

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy

Genre: Angst

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They are J.K.'s, not mine. No copyright infringement intended.

Retain, Relinquish
By Sarah Maria

Eyes flashed grey as they drank in the sight of the limp body lying before them on the ground.

Harry coughed, turned his head, and vomited.

--

He straightened himself up as much as his wounded body would allow and walked toward the crowd gathered in an imperfect circle.

He'd finished it. It was over. He'd killed Voldemort.

He reached the circle and voiced his achievement. They all smiled at him like a pack of ravenous wolves finally catching hold of their pray.

It was enough to make Harry wretch again.

--

"Potter." Draco voiced, walking up behind the figure sitting by the lake, arms wrapped around his knees.

"Malfoy."

"Dumbledore asked me to tell you... Weasley was killed, Potter."

Draco was answered with silence.

He began to walk away and heard Harry heave a sob.

He kept walking.

--

"Order of Merlin, first class!" Fred and George shouted a few days later at the aftermath party, clanging their glasses of butterbeer together.

Harry tried to smile, for everyone else's sake at least.

"He finally did it. We knew you could, Harry. It was only a matter of time before that bastard got what was coming to him!" Dean told him.

For a short second, Harry's eyes flashed red with anger.

He thought no one noticed it.

Draco did.

--

Harry heard the footsteps approaching him.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" He spat out, but not as icy as he had wanted.

Draco stopped behind Harry.

"Know me that well now, do you, Potter?" Draco sneered.

"Only Draco Malfoy walks with such arrogance in his step," Harry said bluntly.

"Well, at least mine is a part of who I am. What's your excuse, Potter?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Harry whipped around to look at him.

"Only Harry Potter would try that hard to walk with said arrogance in his step. As I said, mine's a part of who I am, what is your excuse?" Draco turned and walked away.

Harry grabbed some grass from the ground and threw it after him angrily.

--

Harry thrashed about in his sleep as the nightmares tightened hold on his subconscious and depicted themselves in livid truth.

Flashes of green and screams of pain from a woman and a snake-like creature filled his ears and blinded his eyes.

How could Harry have brought himself to use such corrupt measures of magic?

He woke up feeling a familiar heave in his throat.

--

Harry forcefully threw Draco up against a wall and watched him fall awkwardly to the dungeon floor.

"What the hell makes you think you know so much about me?" Harry spat.

"Because you are as translucent as air," Draco replied, fingering his hair for blood.

"If I was, more people would have commented. So far, you are the only one who seems to think he knows everything about me."

"Not everything, just mostly everything. You are struggling, Potter. Internally. And you think you are the only one in the world who has such a problem. Well get over yourself. You're not that
special, Harry. Everyone has that problem, no matter the situation, it's the same principle." Draco stood up and straightened his robes and walked away.

--

Harry walked out into the rain and stood, looking out into nothing, trying to find anything that could answer his problems.

All he got was cracks of lightning that lit up the sky in an eerie green.

"So that's it?" He yelled at the sky. "This is how I'm supposed to feel the rest of my life? Like a prisoner? Knowing I did right but feeling like it was so wrong? What the fuck kind of life is that?"

He fell to his knees and everything went silent in his head. He can't hear the rain anymore. All he hears is his ragged breath.

His face showed indifference, as he trained it to, but inside he's waiting for the answer that he knows won't come.

His scar begins to burn and he stands up and turns to see Draco watching him from a distance.

--

For the firs time ever, he screwed up his pride and walked straight toward the blonde boy, wanting his answers now.

"Okay, so how do I fix it?" He asked, stopping a foot in front of Draco.

"Fix what? Your horrible fashion sense?"

"How do I fix me?"

Draco actually sighed. "I don't know, Harry. That's for you to figure out."

"What the hell kind of advice is that? Apparently, I can't fix it, or I would have done so by now!" He's shaking Draco by the robes, but it's limp and there's no vigor behind his words.

Draco said nothing.

Harry stepped back and stared at him. "Okay, then how did you fix your problem?"

"I haven't yet. But I'm working on it." Draco looked at Harry with steel eyes.

"Well, where did you start?" Harry asked, now feeling very small under that gaze.

"I confronted the person who had the most influence in the situation."

"And who was that?" Harry asked, not expecting an answer.

"You."

--fin--