Title: Making Sense

Author: Budly

cmw_brigid_5501@yahoo.com

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Sirius/Remus

Rating: PG

Summary: Sirius has doubts

Archive: Go ahead and help yourselves...just let me know ;)

Disclaimer: First time excursion into this fandom. At least in writing it, anyway. It just struck me as something I needed to write when I saw the challenge.

Warning: Angst, Slash

Author's Note: Written for the Do You Need Me Challenge at https://www.squidge.org/~peja/behindthescenes/plotbunnies.htm - The Challenge: Write a story where one character asks his partner or another person the question "Do You Need Me?" Can be the first line of the story, or buried in the text, but explore the question as far as it will go.


Making Sense
by Budly
~~~~~~~

Remus was looking at the moon. Well, actually, to be more precise, he was looking at the spot where it should have been. It was a new moon, one of the only times when he could look at the sky without seeing the ever-present reminder of what he was. It was refreshing.

Startled out of his sky-gazing and deep contemplation, Remus heard the shuffle of sheets, shortly followed by the scuffle of feet. He listened closely to see if the person would make himself known, and was shortly rewarded when a voice broke the silence.

"Moony?" As Remus turned around, Sirius came closer.

"Yes, Sirius?" Remus regarded him closely, wondering if Sirius had been awake all along, or if he had just awoken for some reason as yet unknown.

"What are you doing?" Remus looked at him for a few more seconds before turning back to the window.

"Looking at the moon." Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" he asked, while at the same time leaning toward the window to get a better look. At first glance he thought that he just wasn't seeing clearly this late at night. Upon closer inspection he understood. "Or its lack thereof, you mean."

Remus nodded before he realized that it was probably too dark for Sirius to see the action, and instead murmured his agreement.

Upon hearing his rather enthusiastic murmur, Sirius turned back to look at his friend, regarding him silently. It made sense. The one day a month that Remus could look into the sky and not be mocked by the moon's sliver of a smile. His one day that he could pretend he was just a normal bloke, that he was just like everybody else. That he wasn't something that the majority of the wizarding world feared.

At least, that's how Sirius was fairly sure his friend looked at it. Sirius knew that Remus wasn't the monster he thought himself to be. He was kind and gentle and intelligent. He was strong, too. He could take care of himself. While Sirius was fairly certain that Remus wouldn't look at it his way, he knew it was true. Remus had the best DADA marks in their year, and could probably hex anyone who got in his way into oblivion -

For some reason, with the thoughts running full speed through his head, he was gripped by some unshakable force and his self-confidence dropped a bit. Remus didn't really need him, did he? After all, he could take care of himself.

Before Sirius could stop himself, he blurted out, "Do you need me?"

With Remus deep in his own thoughts, it took him a moment to hear the question, and another to notice the desperation evident in the question.

He turned to his friend, at the same time noticing the nervous movements of his hands. "Of course I do, Padfoot." Had this been a different situation, Remus might have given a flippant reply. However, seeing the doubt in his friend's eyes upon hearing his serious response, he was glad he had curbed the urge to do so.

"Why would you think I wouldn't?" Remus asked Sirius, concern in his voice.

Sirius smiled bitterly. "Because you don't." He was tempted to list the reasons, but figured that he shouldn't. After all, it really wasn't Remus' fault if he didn't need him.

Remus frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why would you say that?"

Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his bed-ridden hair. "What, so you want the reasons listed for you?"

"I'd like to know why you think I don't need you." Remus was about to continue, but Sirius interrupted him before he could.

"Because it's true. You don't need me, Remus. You can take care of yourself, you know."

Remus scowled at him in the dark. "Then why did you ask me if I bloody well needed you before, if you were so sure of the answer."

Sirius was just as frustrated. "I don't know! Maybe I figured you'd tell me the truth this time!"

For a moment, Remus just looked at him. "I'm not lying to you, Sirius," he replied quietly. He idly wondered how James and Peter could sleep through the argument. "I do need you. Always."

Their eyes locked for several seconds before Sirius averted his gaze. After a few moments, Sirius looked back at him. "I need you too, Moony."

Remus gave Sirius a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Well, I guess we're tied to each other, then."

Sirius returned the smile, averting his eyes again. "Indeed," he murmured.

After a few moments of silence, Sirius was startled from his thoughts. "Sirius, why don't you believe me?"

Sirius thought back on his little epiphany. On Remus' strength and intelligence. He looked at Remus and gave him a bitter smile. "Because that's what makes sense."

Another few minutes of silence. Then Remus looked right into his eyes. "Then, if you would stop making sense right now, I would be eternally grateful."

For the first time that night, Sirius broke into a real smile. He shook his head, gathered Remus into a hug, and muttered, "It doesn't matter."

Remus smiled against Sirius' chest. "What doesn't matter?"

"Nothing. Everything." Remus was apparently satisfied with this answer, for he said nothing further.

Falling into a comfortable silence now, Remus looked back up at the sky. Only this time he didn't stare at the spot where the moon should have been. This time, he admired the sky for all of its brightest stars.


Fin.