Highway to Hell, Chapter Thirteen: Racing madness

By Ratwoman

ratwoman02@yahoo.de

Disclaimer: They all belong to JK Rowling, I just borrowed them. They certainly will be glad when I bring them back, because I'm a very sick person

Pairing: SS/LM

Rating: NC-17 (overall)

Warnings: BDSM, auto-aggression

Thanks a lot to hainuwele for beta-reading

Category: Darkfic, Drama/Angst, lightened up with a healthy amount of Humour

Summary: Snape's time at university, when he meets Lucius Malfoy, Lord Voldemort and other nice fellows



Highway to Hell, Chapter Thirteen: Racing madness
By Ratwoman
ratwoman02@yahoo.de

Living easy, living free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too
I'm on the highway to hell
~AC-DC, Highway to Hell

Severus buried himself in his studies, trying to forget everything over his work; his mother's death, his Dark Mark... His attitude to being a Death Eater was ambivalent by now- on the one hand he loved Lucius, felt completely at ease with Narcissa, Mill and Sebastian. But, on the other hand, could friendship be the only reason to kill and destroy?

Fortunately, all he had been asked to do in a while was to brew Dark Potions, so at least he never saw his victims. Of course he knew that people were suffering and dying because of him, he was not stupid after all.

On some days he simply did not care. The wizarding world had never done anything for him, so why should he care? And as far as Muggles were concerned, they were just those odd people he saw on the streets.

On other days it all seemed just wrong to him. Even if the cause was noble (was it?), how could it justify all that terror? The wizarding world became more and more terrified. One could read it in the panicked undercurrent in newspaper articles, one could see it in the nervous gestures of wizards and witches. More and more often people vanished and were found dead a few days later.

But the Dark Lord could still convince Severus with one glance that he was right. One word could still make Severus wonder how he could ever have doubted their noble cause. Yet this conviction did not stay upright for too long.

*

The progress in Narcissa's pregnancy showed Severus how fast time went by. Every time he saw her, her belly was considerably larger.

Some women seemed to become radiant through pregnancy; Narcissa, however, was not one of them. The weight of her unborn child seemed to crush the fragile woman. She looked sickly in the face and often complained that the heir thrashed about so much. Yet it was clear to see how grateful she was for becoming a mother and how much she was looking forward to his birth.

In some way, Severus, too, was looking forward to the birth of the Malfoy heir. Having concocted the fertility Potion, he felt responsible and proud of Narcissa's pregnancy. It was as if Narcissa was not only bearing Lucius's child, but his own as well. The only thing that bothered him was that Lucius planned to move out and into his Manor as soon as the child was born. It had to happen sooner or later; Lucius had finished his studies in June, and now it was already August. One more reason to pay lots of visits to Malfoy Manor.

Keeping himself informed of Narcissa's state, he knew exactly that it was seven weeks until the child's birth, when Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange came to their house at the end of the summer vacations. He had read in the DP a few days earlier that Potter's wife had borne him a son they had given the ridiculously simple name Harry.

Severus saw at once that something had happened; Bellatrix looked furious, Rodolphus sad.

"What's wrong?" Severus asked upon entering the kitchen.

"Kevin and Evan - they're dead!" Rodolphus said close to tears.

"Killed by Aurors!" Bellatrix hissed.

Sebastian just shrugged, he had hardly known them, but Mill was staring at Bellatrix with huge eyes. "I liked Kevin!" she whined. "He was such a good lay."

Severus regretted Evan's death more. Evan seemed to have liked him, somehow, but he had never known what Kevin had really thought about him. But that they were dead now...

Lucius looked angry and sad; after a few seconds Severus remembered that Evan had been his cousin.

"I want to kill someone!" Bellatrix hissed.

Lucius nodded his head. "Let's go!"

Severus was slightly alarmed when they all left the house, but he followed anyway.

***

They went to a Muggle pub in town. It was rather early, which explained why together with the barkeeper and the waitress there were only ten people: three at the bar, a couple at a table and three men playing cards.

Severus noticed that Lucius spell-locked the door behind them, then sat down at a table with the others.

The waitress, a young redhead on highheels, walked over to them, asking in a bored voice what they wanted to drink.

"Bring us three bottles of your best wine." Lucius said.

The waitress stalked to the bar, returning briefly afterwards with three bottles and a couple of glasses.

"Any other wishes?" she asked boredly.

"Yes," Bellatrix replied sweetly. "Can you scream, please?"

"Huh?" the waitress made stupidly.

Rodolphus drew his wand and put a silencing spell on the room. The waitress stared stupidly at him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just making sure that no one will hear you."

The waitress nervously took a step back.

"She looks much more alert now." Lucius observed. "How a simple death-threat can bring dull Muggles to life."

With obvious fear, the waitress turned, about to run away from their table, but Bellatrix quickly drew her wand and shouted: "Mollisos!"

This hex made her legs go to jelly so that she fell to the ground. Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Mill rose, throwing all kind of curses onto the helpless woman, while Lucius, Sebastian and Severus were content to watch. The Muggle woman screamed in a shrill voice as all kinds of painful, but not deadly hexes fell on her, turning her skin into blisters and wounds.

"Thanks for screaming." Bellatrix said.

The wizards looked around the pub. The barkeeper and the other guests had risen and were staring at them in shock and disbelief. Severus felt a sudden rush of power running through his veins as he realised that those Muggles were completely at their non-existent mercy.

After a second of silence, a young woman made a leap for the door, but found that she could not open it.

Lucius lazily pointed his wand at her and said: "Crucio!"

Severus had never before heard such a scream, seen a human body convulse in that way. He felt a mixture of revulsion and curiosity. He had never before tried to cast an Unforgivable. Would he be able to?

Severus randomly pointed his wand at the frightened Muggles, who did not even understand what was going on, and called: "Avada Kedavra!"

A surge of magic flooded his body and left his wand in a green flash. It hit the group of Muggles and two of them instantly fell like rice bags.

"Hey, don't kill them so soon!" Bellatrix said disapprovingly, then walked up to the Muggles. They retreated, hunched and scared. Bellatrix directly followed a handsome young man, who fell to his knees and begged her for mercy.

Bellatrix smiled cruelly, pointed her wand at him and said: "Imperio!"

The man's eyes became vacant.

"Go over there." Bellatrix ordered, pointing at the woman who had tried to escape. The man followed the instructions and stopped standing in front of the woman, who was still sitting, huddled up and shaking, on the floor.

"Kick her 'till she's dead!" Bellatrix ordered.

The man did as he was told.

Some of the Muggles tried to hide behind tables, but the wizards went after them.

Severus felt an odd mixture of excitement and relief while he, along with his friends, cast hexes on the cowering Muggles. It was as if he could let all his anger out, all his sadness for Evan's and Kevin's death, all his resentment at his mother, his guilt over her suicide... all of it was drowned in the screams, sucked away by their anguish, channelled into their pain.

Severus did not know how much time had passed when all the Muggles were lying dead on the floor, neither how many of them he had killed or tortured. All he knew was that he felt oddly calm and at ease.

He looked at his friends, their faces flushed, eyes glowing with excitement.

They left through the backdoor and, since no one was in sight, Lucius cast the Morsmorde across the sky. Severus watched for a moment as the skull formed of emerald stars, then followed his friends' example and Disapparated.

***

The next day he read in the Daily Prophet about the grisly murder of ten Muggles. At first Severus felt an odd mixture of belated scruples and pride - pride that he was among those to cause fear.

However, after about an hour only the scruples prevailed. Severus tried to distract himself by reading, but he could not concentrate on the text; the screams of pain, the voices begging for mercy rung in his ears.

Maybe if he shed a bit of blood... his own, this time... he'd feel better.

Severus sat down on his bed and opened the drawer, taking out his blades. The metal was shining seductively. Severus decided for the legs this time. He pulled up the robes and took off the trousers he wore beneath. His calves were skinny and pale. Severus pressed the blade against his skin, moved it so that it split his skin. He watched blood running down his leg for a moment, then added another cut. And a third one. He felt much better already.

That changed when all of a sudden the door opened.

"Can't you knock!" Severus shouted without looking who it was. Why on earth did people ignore his privacy sphere so casually lately?

"Sev?" Lucius said, disbelief written on his face.

Severus looked unnerved at his boyfriend. He was standing in the doorframe, staring at his bloody legs with obvious discomfort.

"Knock next time!" Severus snarled.

"How long have you been doing this?" Lucius asked sharply.

"That's none of your concern!" Severus hissed in a hostile way to avoid having to explain this to Lucius. How could he explain it anyway? He was fucked up and crazy, that was all!

Lucius still stared at Severus's leg. "My wife is frigid and my boyfriend 's a psycho." he said. " Why do I always get stuck with freaks?" With these words he left, banging the door shut.

Great, now it had happened... he had finally driven Lucius away. Severus was just surprised that this had not happened earlier... no one could possibly bear with him for long.

He realised that he should never have allowed himself to fall for Lucius so deeply. Maybe it would not hurt so much then. The pain was right in his chest, in his heart, and surprisingly physical. Was that how it felt when a heart broke?

Severus stared at the blade in his hand. Following a sudden impulse, he pushed the knife into his calf to the hilt.

Severus howled in pain, but at least he forgot the pain in his chest.

He lay down, shivering, but savouring the pain in his calf.

A few seconds later someone knocked at his door. Hoping and fearing it to be Lucius, Severus barked: "What?"

It was Mill. "I heard you howling, and then Lucius told me to look after you because you're sick..." Mill stared at his leg. The knife still stuck in his calf. "Are you out of your mind?" she said.

"Yes," Severus answered. "Now, would you please leave me alone?"

Mill did not leave but sat down on the side of his bed, frowning. "Better get that out," she said, took the hilt of the knife and quickly pulled it out.

Severus screamed as searing pain shot through his body. "Are you mad?" he snarled. Then a sudden weakness seized him as blood gushed out of the wound.

"Don't move!" Mill said fiercely, hovering her hands over his leg. He felt a comforting warmth flooding him, saw the wounds closing within seconds. He dimly remembered having read that fairies were natural healers.

"What did Lucius say to you?" Mill asked.

"What do you care?" Severus snarled. Why couldn't she just go?

Mill stared angrily at him for a moment, then said: "Why do you push away everyone who cares for you?"

"Do I?" Severus asked. He was truly surprised. There was no one who cared, so how could he push them away?

But Mill looked genuinely hurt. "I'll leave you to your self-pity, then," she said with a tear-stifled voice and left.

Severus stared at the door, thinking about what she had said.


***
END