Title: Crossing the Line
Author(s): Redrum and In-the-Shadows
severusxharry@yahoo.ca
Rating: NC17
Pairing: SeverusxHarry
Summary: It's been 11 years since Harry graduated from Hogwarts and his troubles are far from over! He's got to deal with near disastrous classes as the new DADA professor, one snaky potions master, his own personal demons and Voldemort is still around to boot! Through a twist of fate, however, Dumbledore decides that if Harry's ever going to defeat Voldemort he must learn a type of magic only Severus can teach him.
Status: Complete (chapters will be posted as soon as our beta reader finishes with them)
http://www.geocities.com/angst_wolf/HxS-ficindex
Crossing the Line
By Redrum and In-the-Shadows
Chapter 1: Choose Your Battles
"Bloody hell!" Severus cursed softly, forced to use the wall as support as another violent pain ran through his stomach. For fifty-two years he'd put up with this damned consequence of his genealogy and he'd loathed every minute of it. It wasn't so bad on regular days, but every fucking time the new moon rolled around, he was left almost too weak with cramps to leave his bed. He felt like a bloody woman, which he certainly was not. He had doubt about his great grandfather though; if portraits were anything to go by.
With a forcibly drawn breath, he forced his vision to focus and continued stalking down the hall. These once-a-month fits were what had originally caused him to be overly snaky, and when he had become a spy the attitude just kind of stuck. Not that he wasn't naturally a bastard; this 'problem' just exacerbated the effects. For all the work nature and magic had put into making the biting very pleasurable, it had slacked just as much when it came to having instincts to feed. He would've been perfectly happy if the only thing he ever suffered from was overly large incisors; a glamour spell could fix that.
But of course fate was never really that kind to Severus, and thus he was left with extremely painful fits once a month, something all of his descendants would experience if he ever had any children. fifty-two years may have been old for a Muggle, but it was about prime for wizards. They even aged slower after thirty. Severus really didn't look much older than his mid thirties to early forties and probably would continue to do so for a long time. Provided, wizards' hair often turned regardless of how slowly they aged, but Severus wouldn't have to worry about that, either.
Walking calculatingly into the library, he made for one of his favorite stalking grounds when the pain was particularly bad, a couch in the back corner of the library, in front of a fireplace. It was easier to relax there for some reason and, given that no potion could really help this state, Severus wasn't going to argue. However, he was unhappily met by the sight of his long time thorn-in-the-side, Harry Potter, lounging on *his* couch. Okay, so they weren't in his quarters, but damnit! Severus was in pain and not in a good mood to begin with. "Isn't it a little past your bed time, Potter?" He snarled at the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
~*~*~
Staring into the flames, Harry sighed and laid his head down on the plush black of the sofa's back. Every bone in his body ached, he was so damn tired, but he couldn't get to sleep. It was usually pretty late before Harry was ever able to fall asleep. Although it never helped him in the end, at the most he got six hours sleep in any one night. He always woke up at 5, a habit he'd never been able to break after retiring from the Aurors after 9 years, which when he thought on it, *was* remarkably long considering the average life expectancy for the average Auror was only three years. They'd always forced him to get up early to start his training and exercising. Then after a few hours, he'd be given a Pepper-Up potion and sent on a mission.
Today had been particularly tiring. For a change of pace for his students, he had combined his classes with Hagrid's: Defense Against the Dark Creatures. Well, Hagrid just *had* to pick a Bicorn for the lesson. Harry sighed, running a hand through his ebony, waist-length hair, fiddling with the two thick strands of white framing his face, which he supposed were the result of a few too many curses thrown his way. He shifted in the comfy sofa, lying down further until his head rested on the arm further into the room, his ankles resting on the arm closest to the fire. His black dragon skin boots were carefully resting beside the couch, the thin, yet deadly (as it was poison tipped) dagger rested in its' specially made sheath inside the boot. By placing a spell on it, he was able to walk around freely without feeling it press against his ankle.
Thinking back on the Bicorn, Harry vowed to never have his classes joined up with Hagrid's. Unless of course, the lesson plan was left to *him*. Harry had had a hell of a time stopping the Bicorn from eating the flesh of the children. While it was a beautiful creature, similar to a unicorn, only black and with two horns, well, it also had extremely sharp teeth. The Bicorn was extremely dangerous, and definitely *not* something you should show to the kids. Considering its favorite diet consisted of human flesh, or flesh in general; it was not something you wanted to be anywhere near.
In the end, Harry had no other choice than to stop the Bicorn by force, even the spells that were close to being Unforgivables hadn`t worked on it. Harry had wanted to use his stun gun, but Hagrid had forbidden it, thinking that it would harm the beast. So, not wanting to anger Hagrid or get him over-emotional in front of the children, Harry had ended up wrestling the creature down to the ground long enough for the children to get back to the school safely. When it was
just him and Hagrid left, the giant transfigured the crate that was supposed to hold the Bicorn long enough for them to Apparate it safely to its natural habitat. Harry had been forced to struggle once again with the large animal until it was locked up in the enclosure.
Of course, he hadn't been totally lucky. The sharp teeth he'd tried his hardest to avoid had unfortunately sunk into his arm before he'd pushed the beast into the crate. It had taken a good chunk out of his arm, but besides the pain (which he was almost used to by now) a potion could easily help it grow back the flesh quicker. He'd have to wait for the pain in his arm to subside until he could actually hold a stirring stick to make the necessary potion, but otherwise, he could live with the throbbing in his left arm, and thank Merlin it hadn't been his wand arm, which was wrapped tightly in bandages soaked with ointment.
Sighing again, the young man stared into the bright flames, trying to relax. It was already midnight; he really should go to his fairly large chambers located in the dungeons. Since he was such a light sleeper, he could never fall asleep with the noise the children made. Although the hallways in the dungeons weren't all that long, the Potions class, Severus' chambers, and Harry's own rooms were located there.
Hearing someone behind him, Harry tensed, hand going to the wand resting inside the special sheath that all wizards had in their clothes, inside his long sleeved, dark green cotton shirt (he still mostly preferred Muggle clothing to that of wizard's materials). Hearing Severus' voice, he relaxed and tried to look nonchalant by resting his head on his crossed arms against the sofa's arm.
Looking up at the tall man (even at 28, he was still a head shorter than him,) Harry attempted a grin, masking the new stabs of pain he felt with the wound squashed between his head and the couch's arm. "I think that line stopped applying to me after I graduated, professor. May I ask why you're up so late?" He said, wanting to draw the attention away from himself, and also to make the man stay a bit longer. While his snarky words sometimes hurt, he was still good company when he was relaxed, which was mainly when he was brewing a potion or was otherwise silent.
His lashes fluttered as he let his gaze skim over the lean figure. While the man was in his fifties, he was still good-looking. He had no gray hairs, strangely enough, and he was just as muscular as he had been when Harry had been a student. Hell, he didn't even have one of those small potbellies most wizards got at that age. Harry was almost tempted to ask how he did it. Sighing, Harry returned his gaze to meet ebony eyes, which were scowling down at him from their favourite looming position.
~*~*~
"That," Severus snarled, as per usual, "is none of your business, Potter." As if he wasn't frustrated enough having Potter's rooms in the dungeons with him. They were *his* dungeons for Merlin's sake and he really didn't care if he was being unreasonable. If everyone suffered his bad luck in parents, no jury in the world would ever convict him of any crime. What frustrated him all the more was that his insults and stabs seemed to have stopped affecting the insolent brat.
Okay, if he was very honest with himself, Potter had become an accomplished wizard over the years. He'd shown more maturity than Severus was willing to admit, but that never stopped their fighting. Not to mention old habits were hard to break, and did he mention it was the godforsaken bloody new moon?
Seeing that Potter was not inclined to move at this current moment, Severus mumbled a frustrated sigh of "Infuriating Gryffindor!" and forcibly dragged his feet off the end of the couch, not really noticing the wince that appeared on Potter's face at the act of being moved. Sitting as far way from the insolent Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher as possible, he muttered harshly, "Why don't you just go to bed, Potter? I'm sure there are many women who'd distract the poor Boy-Who-Lived if his fame is simply too overwhelming for him to get his beauty rest."
~*~*~
Trying not to cry out when a new stab of pain shot up his arm at the quick movement, Harry resisted the urge to curse at the other man. If anyone was 'infuriating', it was Severus! He was sick and tired of the whole 'Boy-Who-Lived' bull shit. For one, he hadn't been a boy for a long time. For another, he absolutely hated the fame that came with the damned name. And when the hell would Severus ever grow up? The man was fifty-two for Merlin's sake!
Sighing and closing his eyes, Harry clenched his teeth closed; counting down from five, he opened his eyes to look over at the incredibly tense man, who was sitting in the otherwise comfortable chair with his back ram-rod straight. Now that *had* to be uncomfortable.
Shifting around until he was sitting Indian style on his end of the couch, Harry grinned pleasantly at the other man, albeit a bit strained. "That's all well and good if I was actually into women. Besides, I'm too tired to even get it up at the moment." His grin widened at the wince the comment produced from Severus. "And really, when are you going to get some new insults? You've been using that whole 'Boy-Who-Lived' insult for a good eighteen years now. I'd have thought *you* of all people, could think up something new. You are good with words after all," he added as an afterthought. He tried not to laugh when Severus didn't even notice the compliment, instead focusing on the vague insult.
Glancing down, Harry frowned slightly at the sight of blood seeping through his sleeve. He would definitely have to get back to his chambers to change the bandage soon. Oh well, it wasn't like he was going to die from the flesh wound. It just hurt like a son of a bitch.
~*~*~
"When did you get so goddamn pleasant?" Severus grumbled irritably. "There was a time I could have drawn a hex attempt from you by now." He glared at the infuriating brat, prepared to dish out more insults when he noticed the wound on his arm. Oh just great! Like he really needed to be in front of an open wound right now. The sight and smell of blood caused another lace of pain to race through his torso and he couldn't help from closing his eyes for a moment to stop from biting his tongue. That, after all, would be severally counter-productive.
This day was just quite possibly one of the worst he'd faired at Hogwarts. For the first time in twenty years he felt as though he may have to succumb to this weak link in his genealogy and cancel his classes tomorrow. Usually he was able to continue class by simply looming, but if he couldn't even stand, which it didn't look like he'd be able to do too well, no doubt problems would arise. It was his fault anyway for not feeding in over a year. He *had* been a Death Eater spy. He *should* be able to take care of his own complications.
Naturally, this train of thought was counter-productive as well and must be stopped; hence Severus fell back on his old habits. "You were a passable Auror once, Mr. Potter, haven't you learned not to bleed on the furniture?" He snapped, sneering down at the younger wizard.
~*~*~
Harry frowned and gripped the blood-stained arm. He would've come back with his own cheerful comment, but he'd long since found out that being happy actually annoyed Severus more, but the fleeting look of pain on the man's face stopped that train of thought.
When the man unconsciously gripped his stomach, Harry sighed mentally. When would he learn to take care of himself? "And you're still a passable Potion Master, so shouldn't you be down in your dungeons making healing potions for the Infirmary? Last I heard they were low in stomach flu droughts," he finally settled on saying, not wanting to come right out and say what he meant. He knew the Slytherin's pride would be hurt if he commented on his present state of health. He wanted to reach out and touch the man, to somehow sooth whatever hurt he was experiencing enough to let himself show it, but he knew his touch wouldn't be welcomed.
~*~*~
When he was in better spirits, Severus would begrudgingly admire the brat's amount of tact in this situation, but as of now, Severus was not capable of such observations. All he saw now was a direct shot to his ability to handle his own responsibilities. "I assure you they are well stocked," he ground out through his teeth before hissing, "and I'll thank you *not* to tell me what to do. When potions are needed, I damn well am capable of supplying them!" With that, he stood and started to stalk off. It was obvious he wasn't going to get any satisfaction out of annoying Potter, and since sleep was hardly an option either, perhaps he'd try a blood sausage serum again.
~*~*~
Biting his lip to keep from yelling at the pure thick-headedness of the other man (really, he should have been in Gryffindor) Harry quickly stood, swaying slightly at a dizzy spell before righting himself, and followed the older man.
Resting a hand lightly on Severus' shoulder, which was enough to make him turn around just to snarl down at him, Harry frowned and held his chin up high. "If you can't tell the difference between ordering you around and showing some concern, then you're a damned fool!" He ignored the widening of obsidian eyes. "I did *not* tell you what to do. In case you haven't heard of it, I was showing some bloody concern you ungrateful git! But if you want to be thick-headed and completely ignore my advice, then go right ahead. But there's no need to get all defensive about it! I'm sorry if you're not grown up enough to accept some help." His voice lowered at the last comment from his previous yelling.
Merlin, this man was so infuriating! Giving one last glare, Harry walked past the Potions Master and headed for the exit. He needed to change those bandages anyway, may as well do it now. If the amount of blood showing through his shirt was anything to go by, then the white bandage underneath it would obviously be soaked in the red liquid.
Chapter 2: Truce and Omission
Severus watched Potter disappear down the hallway in shocked stillness; his new moon 'fit' suddenly forgotten. What had just happened? Potter was...being reasonable? But the brat had come along and stolen *his* couch and refused to leave and...Oh hell, he was being a bastard and he knew it. But...he'd never expect anyone, Potter least of all, to tolerate him so well and not bloody well try to hex him.
Absentmindedly, he turned and started walking slowly towards his rooms. The more he mulled the evening's events, the more he realized Potter had acted much more maturely than he had...That was a frightening thought. They had switched roles...
After slipping quietly into his room and after four and a half hours of sulking over twelve, or so, cups of blood sausage serum (his pain quieted to an unpleasant ache for now) Severus made a startling admission to himself. Potter had never really been such a brat to begin with. An infuriating, childish, Gryffindor at times, but...circumstances considered, something Severus had never really bothered to do before, he'd handled his trials...not so badly. Severus may have been a bitter angry bastard, but...
"Oh fuck it all to bloody hell!" Severus muttered, resting his head on the back of his armchair. He was so goddamn tired of this stupid, childish little rivalry he'd dragged himself into. It was a god awful waste of time, especially with that snake, Voldemort on the rise again; no one had any time for, nor needed, stupid rivalries like this. Alright, he'd been a git. But he wasn't a total bastard, he knew when to apologize. Glancing at the clock, he figured he had enough to time to do so before Potter awoke and/or emerged from his chambers.
About a half an hour later he was showered and changed (albeit in less formal clothing than his usual school robes). The pain had already started up again, and he was, if such a thing was possible, paler than he'd been in years; he would not be able to teach today. He stood in front of Mr. Potter's door, flesh re-growing potion in hand. It was a bit stronger than something he'd give Pomfrey, but hell, he'd been making potions for the br-Mr. Potter almost constantly since his first year at Hogwarts and, since his yearly battle with Voldemort had not yet occurred, he could probably use it.
He had just raised his hand to knock, when Harry emerged, wand at the ready and the words to hexes ready to spill from his lips. Emerald eyes widened in surprise before narrowing again, but he lowered his wand to his side having no sheath to put it in since he was only wearing a pair of drawstring, navy blue pants. Severus took that as a good sign.
Severus cleared his throat before starting to explain himself. "Good morning Mr. Potter. I just came here to...apologize for my behavior last night. It was...wrong of me to be so...sharp with you. And...well...you'll be of no use to anyone with your arm like that so… here," he finished by pushing the vial into Harry's hands.
~*~*~
Frowning cautiously, Harry looked down at the bottle, recognizing it to be a flesh re-growth potion, the one he had been planning on making himself when his arm didn't hurt as much. Well...this was unexpected.
Looking up at the older man, he smiled hesitantly, still somewhat nervous for some reason (and really, did he have to be wearing…*that? * It showed way too much of his physique. Down Harry! Down!). "Thanks, I appreciate it. And apology accepted." He lifted one bare shoulder in a small shrug. "It's not like that's the worst thing you've said to me. We were both just having a bad day, obviously, so we rubbed off on each other in the wrong way." His mind was leaving him. 'No Harry, *do not* think about rubbing. Merlin's balls...' it was too damn early to be seeing the professor.'
Looking more closely at the other man, he noticed his complexion. Harry had noticed that Severus was usually pale first thing in the morning, as most people were, but he'd never seen him this bad before. Maybe that stomach flu was worse then he'd thought? He was about to mention it, but remembering last night, he kept his mouth shut. Trying to hide the growing concern in his eyes for the older man, Harry continued speaking, "I admit I should apologize also for being a bit…well, forward." Meaning, 'I shouldn't have commented on your state of being, since I should have expected you to bite my head off,' Harry snickered quietly to himself at the thought.
~*~*~
Severus shook his head slightly at Potter's apology and immediately regretted it as the godforsaken muscles in his abdomen clenched horribly from doing so. Taking a breath to steady himself, he said, "No, you have nothing to apologize for. I've been...stretching out this childish rivalry for...far too long. It's really something neither of us needs at the moment."
Severus was still dressed all in black; casual khakis and a loose, un-tucked, button-down shirt that was unbuttoned enough to show a good 4 or 5 inches of skin down from his collar bone; skin which one hand came to rest upon when there was another contraction of muscle, his nails digging into the skin momentarily before the pain ebbed a little. Definitely no classes today.
That's when he thought of telling Albus and climbing all those Merlin forsaken stairs. His obsidian gaze met Potter's once again and, after a mental 'what the hell,' he asked, "Would you mind asking Albus to cancel my classes today?"
~*~*~
Worrying his lip, Harry looked up at the other man. For him to actually *miss* his classes, it had to be pretty bad. Frowning, Harry raised a finger in the universal sign for 'just a second' and dashed off into his study. Going through his organized potions, he finally found the stomach flu potion he was looking for and pulled it off the long shelf. Going back to the door, where the dour man was standing impatiently, Harry mused he really would have invited him in if he'd thought he'd actually accept.
Handing the amber coloured potion over, he said somewhat nervously, "It's the Cardiacus potion, it's supposed to help the stomach flu-" he broke off when Severus glared at him. Merlin Harry, he's a Potions Master, *of course* he knows what it does! "I made it myself," he ignored the raised brow, "and I know it's good because I've had a lot of training in all things concerning healing." 'And death,' he continued silently. He knew how to make potions that could either kill, or heal you. Those were the ways of his field. Well, his old field.
During half of his Auror career, he'd been responsible for dealing out healing potions and slipping poisons into drinks. Something he definitely wasn't proud of (though no one else, but the team he worked with, knew about it). He was a firm believer in not, figuratively, stabbing people in the back. Although, he did admit he had been occasionally forced to do so when said persons were going to do the same to him. For the other half of his career, he'd finally quit that line of work, and went into healing. That's why he knew so many healing spells. At least it counteracted some of the things he'd done earlier in his career. Although, even when he'd quit that field of work, occasionally a job would come up that only he could handle, and he'd be forced, once again, to kill another soul.
~*~*~
Severus looked from Potter back to the vial in his hand, 'Interesting,' he murmured inwardly, 'very interesting.' The
fact that Potter would be so considerate was in itself surprising. Hell, the fact that he was so bloody optimistic was surprising, especially after all he went through at school and all he must have gone through as an Auror. You think he would have learned a little common paranoia by now; it tended to help people in his type of position live a great deal longer, after all. 'Foolish, optimistic, Gryffindor,' he thought, glancing back up at a somewhat flustered Potter.
Still, it was a nice gesture. Severus had to admit, albeit begrudgingly, that it looked like a fairly decent job of the potion and, if he thought it would help at all, he would have drunk it. But Potter had no way of knowing the real cause of his distress, or the proper way to help it as there was, as of yet, not even a magical cure for genetics. If Severus had it his way, only Albus would ever know. To this day, it boggled the mind how the man had found out; Severus had certainly never told him, but then again, Dumbledore had a way of knowing things that were mysterious even to wizards.
Looking back at the Gryffindor, he inclined his head slightly and said, "Thank you, Mr. Potter." He took a moment between one phrase and the next to actually look at this frustratingly confusing being before him. Potter, like any other wizard, still held a blissfully youthful look to his face and (as he was lacking a shirt) body; but his hair held several white streaks. This in itself was unusual, both for Muggles and even former Aurors of his age. The streaks could only have come from extreme stress, something a wizard was prone to when in his position. They could, of course, be reversed by his own magic if he would ever lead a rather relaxed life, but as that had yet to happen, even for a brief time for Potter, Severus doubted it ever would.
"I had better be getting back to my chambers then," Severus said at last before turning and making his way back down the hall again, slower than usual.
~*~*~
Looking after the older man, Harry resisted the urge to call out and ask him to stay and have tea with him. It was a stupid idea anyway. But he looked so tired. And his usually ground-eating pace was slowed to that of a snail.
Sighing, Harry closed his door, warding it automatically, before heading into his bedroom. Pulling out his black dress pants, he slipped off his sleep wear and pulled them on, going commando as he usually did. Taking a pair of dark green socks from the large, cherrywood dresser, he pulled them on, wiggling his toes and smiling slightly at the soft feel of the worn-down cotton against his feet; even as old as he was, he still took pleasure in the simple things in life. It had taken him years to see Dumbledore's preference of socks to books for presents. He knew the Headmaster didn't often get the presents that he enjoyed simply because everyone that he was a high and mighty Wizard, instead of being rather like a family member to whom one could give socks.
Going into his walk-in closet, he browsed the varying selection of robes (the Muggle outfits were all in the dresser) and finally picked a dark green one that looked similar to that of a duster (only falling to mid calf, instead of sweeping the floor like most wizarding robes). The sleeves were a bit more tapered, but he found it a hell of a lot easier to pick his wand out of them, since with the usual style of big, puffy sleeves, it was hard to keep secure control over his wand when it was lost in all the folds. The collar was stiff and went up to his Adams apple, curving neatly around his neck before going down, showing a bit of his tanned flesh, and then joining together. The seams were silver-black, and each silver hook holding the material closed held a small engraved wolf, the mark of the person who had tailored the robe for him. Usually the signature was lost in the seams, but Harry had liked it so much that she'd offered to engrave it into the buttons.
Finishing up his morning ritual, Harry set out on the long trek up the stairs. Sometimes it really sucked being in the dungeons, although with the peace and quiet, Harry wouldn't have it any other way. Even if he did have to travel at least ten flights just to get to Dumbledore's office.
Halfway there, Harry thought, 'If I was anyone else, I'd definitely be calling in a favour from Severus,' with a small grin. While he was extremely fit from his hard Auror training, and continued exercise ('constant vigilance,' as Mad Eye Moody would say) climbing up the long flights of stairs was still taxing.
~*~*~
Severus finished the journey to his quarters and, seeing as it was bloody freezing in them (to him anyway), he pulled on a thick emerald green robe (one of the few things of colour he owned) and settled in front of his fireplace, nursing himself with more blood sausage serum and a favorite book.
This lasted near till mid-morning and he was just beginning to feel stable when, who should barge into his quarters, but Albus Dumbledore. 'Just bloody magnificent.' Severus, although at least civil to Albus on regular occasions, was still in a very bad mood and was not going to make any efforts today. "What the hell do you want, Albus?"
Albus, of course, just smiled cheerfully and settled himself into the chair on the opposite side of the fireplace. Severus had wanted to only buy one (since spies didn't get much in the way of visitors) but the stores had refused because it was a set, so he'd ultimately succumbed. Of course no one ever sat in the chair but Albus, and that was a great rarity so, it in particular was as good as new, while the chair Severus preferred to use had gotten comfortably worn. All that and the fact that Albus was sitting cheerfully across from him, with that damned mischievous look in his eye, was all the more reason to hate that chair.
"Pleasure to see you as well, Severus. I know you are not feeling well--Harry informed me--so I will make this brief."
`Promises...' Severus muttered irritably in his head, but made no move to stop the elder wizard from speaking.
"Well as you know, our Harry has mastered just about every form of conventional witchcraft and wizarding there is out there, yet he still seems unable to defeat Voldemort. He might if he had help, but as the prophecy states, it will ultimately be a one on one battle, so I was wondering if you--"
"No."
"I haven't even told you yet. I promise it's nothing too taxing, Severus."
"No."
"I understand you're not in a good mood right now," Dumbledore murmured, as bloody cheerful and patient as ever, "but if you would just--"
"NO!" Severus yelled, attempting to rise from his chair, but quickly found out what a bad idea that was. "Bloody hell, Albus, considering the fact that you know more about me than just about anyone else and I've never told you outright, you should know that I want to deal with that as little as possible. I have done a lot for you, but not this, never this. Besides, I doubt it will help him." Albus looked for a second as though he was going to respond, but Severus was glaring all-out, so he obviously decided he best leave well enough alone.
"You know it wouldn't hurt for you to relax and be happy once in a while Severus. I worry sometimes that you take your spying too seriously."
"It is bloody serious, Albus!" Severus hissed. "And as for being happy--I *am* a happy person. *You* are like Santa Clause, on Prozac, at Euro Disney, getting laid!" He scowled, repeating a Muggle born saying that he had heard in his classes that effectively describe Albus.
"Tell you what, Severus," he said good naturedly and patiently, as he rose from the chair, "I'll send the house-elves down with some lunch and dinner later and give you a few days to think about it." He knew better than to think Severus would respond if he asked him what he thought, so he didn't bother. Instead he made his way slowly for the door, pausing just on the threshold to add, "I do hope you're feeling better soon, Severus." Severus said nothing, but did manage to hurl his tea cup at the Headmaster's head with alarming accuracy. Had the door not been closed when it made contact, he might have had quite a lot more to apologize for when he was better.
He looked morosely at the scattered porcelain on the floor, decided that getting up was no more a better idea now than it had been a few moments ago and returned miserably to his book.
~*~*~
Not bothering to go down to the Great Hall for lunch, Harry went to the kitchens instead and asked Dobby to bring him two small salads. He ended up with two medium sized salads, a bowl of fruit, two large glasses of pumpkin juice and a two small bowls of pudding. Saying his thanks, he quickly left the kitchen and headed downstairs to eat. When he was out of range of the kitchen doors, Harry made the fruit and juice vanish back into the kitchen's supply storage and headed down to the dungeons.
Taking a deep breath, Harry knocked quietly (he never understood why teachers had doors while the students had paintings to guard their dorms, but he later found out it was easier to ward a door from unwanted entry, and a painting, no matter how loyal, could always be convinced to open the door without a password) hoping not to disturb Severus if he had a headache or was sleeping. Waiting for a few moments, he sighed when he received no answer.
Looking down at the food he held in his hands, Harry figured the man was probably too sick to go out, so he turned back to the door. Focusing on the wards, he subtly opened them enough that he was able to make the food appear on the other side of the door. He thought about putting it on a table of some sort, but since he'd never seen anything on the other side of this old, yet sturdy wooden door, he also knew it wasn't smart to try to make something appear where he *thought* there was something to hold it up. With his luck, he'd probably end up making it appear inside a chair or something. Muttering his password in Parseltongue along with the other spells to make it open, Harry entered, re-set the wards, and went to his sitting room.
Settling the food down on the glass top covering the black wooden coffee table, he sank into the plush ivory coloured couch. Sighing at the cool press of material underneath him, he started in on his salad and tried to enjoy the peaceful hour before the last two classes started up again. All those nosy kids--Harry didn't know how Severus managed it with his lack of tolerance for people in general.
After becoming a professor and experiencing the way the kids acted the first week, his respect for the other man, as well as all the other professors who managed to keep their sanity, rose. What he really hated was when a student accidentally snuck up on him, startling him enough that he automatically pulled his wand out and was ready with a deadly hex on his lips, before even realizing it was a student. Running a hand through his waist length hair, jarring the leather tie that had held it together, Harry sighed and shook the thoughts away.
Sometimes he acted like he was eons older than the students, yet he was only eleven years older then the Seventh Years. Hell, even the professors treated him like a child. He may be the youngest teacher on staff, but he'd probably experienced more in his life then they had. Not that he was proud of the fact, since half the things he'd seen...well, he would do almost anything to wipe it from his memory.
~*~*~
Severus looked up when he felt a slight, subtle pulling at his wards. Only someone other than Albus would knock first. He discreetly read the magical energies coming from the other side of the door, really not wanting to get up since he'd only just gotten his stomach to quiet down. Potter. He should have known--only he would be that brazen. He was about to yell for him to bugger off (just because he'd apologized, it didn't mean he had to treat him any differently than the other teachers) when a nice little lunch appeared on the other side of the door.
Now why the bloody hell would he do that? Severus, despite his apology, had never been nice to him. In his weakened state (despite the fact he knew he'd be back to his snarky self by midnight) he had to admit it showed a lot of maturity on Potter's part to be so...nice...and...forgiving... He had no clue, of course, that Severus wouldn't be able to handle food until midnight, but...it was more of a gesture than he deserved. Severus let out a small sigh and sank further into his chair as he felt the wards replacing themselves. Against his better judgments, he used wandless magic to move the food into a small storage area for later. He was always hungry after these 'fits'.
It took him another hour to admit that maybe Albus did have a point. However much distorted his cynical, paranoid view of things had been over the years, Potter was a fair wizard. And in the end, it *would* be him and Voldemort. Broadening Potter's horizons could make a difference when push came to shove... and damn it, being so suspicious was exhausting. Not that he wasn't still pessimistic, but… Merlin, what harm could it do?
Perhaps he should at least get to know the man a little before he completely wrote off Albus' idea. He was, under any circumstances, promising anything. But if Potter was receptive and easy enough to fool, Severus might just be able to teach him a few things. For all his studies as an Auror, Harry had still lived a Muggle life and was willing to believe whatever a knowledgeable wizard told him when he encountered something new, as far as Severus knew. And Nosferatu magic wasn't so strange after all, just...*different.*
With a sigh, Severus gently pushed himself up off the chair, pausing a moment to steady himself and, deeming himself well enough, moved to clean up the broken tea cup. He would've normally used magic, but with it being this time of the month, he didn't want to tempt fate. He ended up with a scratched hand for his troubles.
Sighing and righting himself when he was done, he glanced at the clock and decided to drift over by Potter's quarters and wait for him to return from classes. They weren't far and if he was going to start investigating the situation--no, this was not a spy operation--he was just thinking over a suggestion and collecting data. So if he wanted more information, now was as good a time as any to start. He slipped slowly out of his chambers and meandered down to Potter's chambers, looking not as ill as that morning, but not well either.
~*~*~
Taking the tie out of his hair, Harry fiddled with it as he walked down the dungeon stairs. He liked having his hair loose, but while teaching, or anything else that might make it a hindrance, it was best to tie it up. He usually ended up weaving a braiding spell into it and tying the end. Once again, it had been another long day. The students didn't seem to understand that they were all in the middle of war. True, it had settled down at the moment, but one could never be too cautious. He just wished he could make them see that. Hell, not even the Seventh Year students seemed to understand. Yet, when he'd been a Fifth Year, he had understood that in war, like the one they were in, there were casualties and sometimes the people you love die, and there's nothing you can do about it, no matter how much you blame yourself. Of course, that bit of logic didn't help him any, since he continued to blame himself for the deaths of his friends.
Hating himself even more for getting depressed again, Harry sighed and slipped the black leather tie into his pocket. Running his hands through his hair to unbraid it, he stepped in front of his doors, automatically taking down the locks, before he suddenly turned around, wand raised (when had he drawn it...?) and a quick 'Stupefy' on his lips, before he realized that it had been Severus he'd sensed behind him. What was he hanging around Harry's chambers for?
Tucking his wand away, the young man tilted his head in question, reaching a hand up briefly to tuck thick locks of white behind his ear that had slipped from behind his back when he'd whirled around. While Harry stood silent, waiting for the other man to speak, he found himself almost wishing it was spread over, instead of just two solid, thick strips of white running down the hair framing his face-- at least it would look more normal then. He was very tempted to ask how he was, since he still looked a bit on the sick side, but he knew his question would only be rebuffed.
~*~*~
Severus smirked slightly at Potter's near cursing him. "A little jumpy are we?" Severus said smoothly, raising his eyebrow characteristically at Potter. Said man's eye's narrowed slightly, but there was no real threat behind them. Just for the old time's sake of annoying him a little more, Severus delayed in answering his silent question and chose instead to take in his hair, which he'd never really seen out before. It was funny how less irritating he was after Severus decided to release his long time bitterness towards the Boy-Who-Lived. He certainly wasn't a boy anymore.
He was still very lithe, but Severus knew he had to be strong too. The white streaks were an interesting manifestation of the stress he was obviously going through but didn't seem inclined to show. His hair made him look more mature too, in a weird sort of way. It was longer then even Severus' was now, but it...suited him somehow. Longer hair probably made it easier to look like a woman and disappear into crowds when he was an Auror. Smirking at the thought, Severus lifted his obsidian eyes to Potter's emerald ones.
"I wanted to thank you for delivering lunch. That was...thoughtful of you." Severus paused briefly as his stomach twisted unpleasantly. Damn thing always had to have the last word, before continuing. "I also wished to speak with you. Perhaps over some tea if you're not otherwise engaged?"
~*~*~
By sheer will, Harry forced away the blush caused by the feeling that he'd just been checked-out, Harry nodded and opened his door in silent invitation. The taller man brushed past him, looking around while Harry closed the door and re-set the wards. "Have a seat and I'll be right with you," he said quietly, motioning towards the sofa he'd been seated in comfortably during lunch, and the ivory coloured armchair that went with the rest of the small living room set. Flicking his wand at the fireplace to ignite a small fire, Harry went into his rooms and changed into his more comfortable Muggle clothes-- a white tee that set off his tan nicely, and faded black jeans. Toeing off his boots, he set them beside the bedroom door and went into the bathroom to brush his hair out and relieve himself.
Quickly finished with his after class ritual, he walked back out and went into the kitchen that was connected to the sitting room by a swinging door. Making rosemary tea, both for his usual headache and for the fact that he knew Severus often drank it during dinner, he set a warming charm on it and carried it out on a small tray, along with a few biscuits. Setting it on the right side of the glass top, closest to the single armchair that was turned slightly to face the fireplace (as he liked to stare into the flames when he wanted to relax) Harry resisted the urge to sink into the comfortable couch. He did have company after all, company that would be sure to point out his weakness. The young man settled into the corner of the couch and sipped his tea quietly. After several quiet minutes passed, by no means uncomfortable, Harry finally sighed and looked over at Severus. "You wanted to speak to me?"
~*~*~
Severus glanced over at Potter from over his tea cup. It was ironic he'd picked rosemary (he must have a headache) because that was something Severus often had late in the afternoon. He preferred mint, but it was always good to safeguard against the headaches his 'condition' brought on occasionally when he went for long periods of time without feeding. He was feeling better, although nowhere near ready to eat or drink conventionally, but for some reason he'd felt compelled to take a few, polite sips. So far the liquid hadn't affected his stomach, but he didn't want to press his luck too much, so he set it back down at Potter's words.
"Yes, I did." He shifted slightly on the sofa so that he could look at Potter without straining his neck too much. "Since your fifth year you've known that, in the end, it would be an all out, one on one fight with Voldemort. No one can deny you've learned quite a bit of magic since then, but, as of yet, you have been unable to defeat him." Severus paused to clear his thoughts. If he presented this right, Potter would be able to receive training without ever having to know the truth behind it. "I am *privileged*," he said 'privileged' with a healthy dose of sarcasm, "to know a different branch of magic that could give you an edge the next time you fight him. It's not easy as it involves more tapping into the source of your powers than wand waving and speaking spells, but given that you blew-up your aunt as a young teen, I think you have the talent for it."
Severus had been blunt, as usual, but not so harsh in tone, half because Voldemort wasn't an easy subject for anyone and half because he was still kind of weakened. It was a rather blunt way to propose an idea, but Potter appreciated directness; that much was obvious after his Fifth Year catastrophes.
~*~*
Frowning, Harry sipped his tea, wishing the damn liquid would hurry up and help his headache already.
Running a hand through his neatly brushed hair, making it mussed once again, the young man looked into the flames, thinking. It was true that the on and off again battle he was fighting with Voldemort seemed to be a stalemate; they desperately needed to win it soon, before more Muggles and wizards got hurt.
Leaning forward, he set his empty cup next to Severus' full one and leant back into the chair again, trying not to slouch too much from weariness. "Who taught you?" He finally asked. Wondering why Severus was 'privileged' (to use the other man's own words) to know this type of magic, but no one else was able to teach him.
~*~*~
"My mother taught me," Severus explained, hoping that would satisfy Potter and prompt no further questions. He still wasn't entirely sure he wanted to teach him all that much and he definitely wouldn't be too thrilled if he kept asking questions. It was all too easy for those questions to get personal. The last person he ever imagined sharing even marginal personal information with was Potter.
It took a certain type of person to master, or even learn Nosferatu magic. All Nosferatu could, it was in their blood, but in regular wizards it took something unique. Then again that was one of the better words to use when describing Potter, so everything seemed to be working out for the best. If there wasn't something in the code about luck, there should have been.
~*~*~
Obviously, he wasn't going to get much more from the man than that. Sighing, Harry looked down, thinking about the pros and cons. It was obviously going to be hard work, but that was nothing new to him. It was also probably going to tire him even more, but maybe that would make him sleep easier--without the nightmares. Glancing up at the other man through thick lashes and seeing his obvious discomfort at being there, Harry could guess that Dumbledore had put Severus up to this. And if he didn't accept, then he'd probably end up getting a lecture disguised as a 'little chat' with Dumbledore.
Shoulders sagging slightly in weariness at what he knew was to come and being reminded of the damned battle that he'd been fighting since he was only 15, Harry looked back up at the professor. "When and where?"
~*~*~
"Tomorrow is Saturday, there will be a four day weekend for November break. That seems like a good a time as any to me," Severus murmured, really taking in Potter, almost as if for the first time. He had all the bodily youth associated with being a wizard, but his eyes were deeper and wiser than even someone twice his age should've been. Severus, simply by making most of the potions he'd needed while at school, knew there were more than a few other scars sprinkled across that 'youthful' frame. He'd been fighting a war he probably never wanted any real part in since he was a child. Helping him would not be such a bad idea; Severus was just as fond of Voldemort as the next wizard, after all.
"Now, it might be better just to talk things over. Performing this type of magic takes a clear head, something most teachers can't have without practice. Talking is a good way to start though, unless perhaps, you picked up any meditation skills as an Auror--something I highly doubt."
~*~*~
Blushing faintly, just a small tint of rouge at the top of his cheekbones, Harry shook his head. "They tried teaching me meditation courses, but they never seemed to work on me. And while in the field, I was able to block most of my personal thoughts and just focus on the mission, so they didn't really concern themselves too much with me not being able to meditate. Of course, that didn't help me afterwards," he added quietly. Shaking his head once again to, unsuccessfully, rid himself of the flashbacks of what had happened while he was in the field, Harry frowned and looked over at the other man; he hoped that he wasn't disappointed in him. Wait--what the hell was he thinking? Of course Severus was disappointed in him, wasn't everyone? Dumbledore sure as hell was. Don't think he didn't notice the looks Dumbledore and sometimes even the other professors gave him when they thought he wasn't looking. Disappointed in him for not ending the war sooner.
Clenching his jaw, Harry willed himself to relax; there was no point in getting worked up about it. He had accepted it as a fact of life that people would be disappointed in him no matter where he went. They held him on a pedestal and yet each day they repeatedly hit the stand, watching him crumble with sick satisfaction.
Merlin, he really was getting melancholic in his old age.
~*~*~
The dejected look that crossed Potter's face wasn't lost on Severus; he'd seen it in the mirror many times before. No wonder Potter had white streaks in his hair. And he thought he had it bad from Albus; the man sitting before him must have been harassed more than anyone else. Hell, all Severus had to do was lift his self esteem a little; that might be all he needed to get the edge on Voldemort and Severus would never have to divulge anything too personal.
"Good," Severus murmured, smirking as Potter's head shot up in confusion. "It will be much easier to teach you with a clean slate, no bad habits. You see, the style of meditation that the Auror division uses is simply clearing the mind--this particular branch of magic requires clearing of the mind, but also focusing on other things afterward. Someone like you might find that easier." Severus tipped his head to the side and studied Potter's features closely. "It might also help you sleep longer and more deeply." As an afterthought to himself, Severus added, `It certainly looks as though you could use it.'
~*~*~
He didn't cheer up at the thought that it would make him sleep longer and more deeply. That just meant more time to have a nightmares or visions. Fucking Voldemort--it was mostly his fault that Harry had trouble sleeping. Besides the things he'd done as an Auror, Voldemort sent him visions of what was going on, almost nightly, and it usually consisted of torturing some poor Muggle family...or that little boy he'd witnessed. No! He would *not* think about that *now!*
Trying to redirect his thoughts, Harry asked, "When do we get started?" Auror meditation, since it was basically on the run, so to speak, consisted of closing your eyes and simply focusing on your magic and nothing else but that. It heightened your magic abilities and left your mind blank except for what you needed to think about-- mainly, the mission.
~*~*~
"Sometime tomorrow, come to my quarters. I'll leave the wards down enough for you to get in, although you seemed to do well enough with that food today." Severus paused briefly before adding, "I'll lead you in a guided meditation to get you used to things; after a time it will come easily to you. Then we simply need to work on focusing that energy to a specific goal."
Severus paused once more to let another cramping pass before continuing again. "Today it might be best to simply try and relax as much as possible."
Not trusting Potter to be capable of doing this on his own, Severus decided to initiate conversation. Nosferatu magic was very up-close and personal after all, even when being vague about its true origin as Severus planned to be. It would help if they knew each other a little better, considering they'd only recently come to neutral ground. "How were the students today, Potter? I'm sure they were thrilled at my absence," he finished with an evil smirk that made it clear he had plans to make up for lost time.
~*~*~
Grinning faintly, both at the subtle compliment about managing to get through Severus' wards, and at the question, Harry replied, "They were abnormally happy. Since they won't be seeing you until Wednesday, they were almost bouncing in their seats," he exaggerated with a small grin.
"Dumbledore had me substitute for you by combining both my class and yours. We were covering the Henceparvusvmoica, or just HP, since it's easier to say." About to go on, he paused when he saw Severus' slight confusion. He didn't know what it was? Well, of course he didn't, considering Harry was the one to create it, and it was still new on the market. It wasn't anything fantastic though. Just something he threw together after some experimenting, and he found it easier to go out on the field, or even just walking down the halls of Hogwarts.
"I created it a few years ago while I was still an Auror. It helps to protect against low level curses. But I found it a hell of a lot easier to go out onto the field after washing my robes in sterilized water with two drops of the potion. It also helps when it comes to Hogwarts, too," he added with a grin. "The students seem to love cursing each other in the hallways when they think no teachers are about. So it protects me from any flying curses. It also protects me from very weak wizards or witches, even when they throw deadly curses at me." He shrugged. "It's not much, but it does help me be able to focus on more important things while in the field or just as a professor in general."
~*~*~
Severus' eyebrows climbed towards his hairline in mild surprise. That was much more than he'd expected from Potter, considering his track record in class. Being an Auror for so long though, he'd had more than enough time to improve. It made Severus curious as to exactly what else Potter had picked up over the years. Probably a hell of a lot, he'd seemed increasingly frustrated as his school days ended; he didn't seem strong enough to kill the great snake that was the bane of his existence.
"Very practical of you," Severus observed, "almost Ravenclaw-like. Ah, the HP was no doubt a conscious or subconscious self promotion. A Slytherin trait. I'm beginning to wonder if there's a signal house you *don't* have the attributes of." Severus glanced around the room briefly before turning back to Harry. "What other sorts of things have you picked up over the years?"
He wasn't asking purely out of the need to gather data for what he would later be attempting to teach Harry, but he was actually interested. After all, if one of his worst potions students could lift their level of skill enough to make decent potions, it was something of note.
~*~*~
Biting his lip, Harry wondered what to tell him. He'd picked up a lot of things over the years--from learning how to spell his robes to reflect curses and spills, all the way to how a body reacts if too much of the most deadly of poisons is ingested. Where to start?
Taking a deep breath, he summarized as best he could without going into too much detail. "I know how to make and when to distribute a healing potion of almost any variety or strength, which potions lose their effectiveness when put in liquids or food,"--he wouldn't mention what kinds of potions he had to learn that for--"the pressure points on a human body, a lot of physiological things about the human mind concerning torture, both physical, magical and verbal. I've been trained in the art of stealth and I can use any Muggle weapon, since they're less testy than some magical items. Although I have trouble with using arrows." His voice and expressions was carefully neutral when he passed over the more...touchy subjects, things that normal people didn't know, or even think of brining up in conversation.
Tilting his head slightly, Harry asked, "Is there anything else you need to know?
~*~*~
Severus listened intently through Potter's explanation, nodding occasionally. It was obvious he was leaving things out. He had been an Auror for Merlin's sake. Severus wasn't stupid; he knew the types of things Aurors went through. Some of the nastier aspects were just as bad as being a spy. Severus had been there and wisely didn't press for more information than Potter was willing to give.
At Potter's last sentence, Severus felt it was probably time to leave. Neither of them was exceptionally fond of the other, having only recently declared a truce. It would be unwise to overstay his welcome. "Nothing at the moment, Potter," he said, simply glancing at the clock above the mantle. To his relief it was nearly dinner time, giving him the perfect excuse to leave without seeming too friendly, or too cold. "Anyway, I'd better not keep you; dinner will be soon." He stood slowly, mindful of his weakness and not at all happy about it. He nodded briefly to Potter and murmured, "I'll see you tomorrow," before turning to go. He had another full evening of this godforsaken curse to look forward to, after all.
~*~*~
Shaking his head to rid himself of his inner monologue, Harry stood to open the door for Severus out of common hospitality. Looking at the sickly complexion and the twitching hand, as though he was willing himself not to hold on to his stomach, Harry frowned and looked up at the man. "The potion didn't work?" That was strange; it was one of his best batches. He knew there was nothing wrong with it. Well...unless Severus hadn't taken it. Harry gave a mental sigh. Of course he didn't, he'd never trusted Harry before, why start now just because of a truce?
~*~*~
"I didn't take it," Severus explained, turning to face Potter. Upon seeing him almost shrink in on himself, he sighed and took pity on him. The last thing he needed was for him to berate himself more; it would interfere with the meditation. "Look at me, Potter," Severus said in a tone that was not harsh, but brooked no argument. Once Potter had lifted his eyes to meet Severus' he explained. "It wouldn't have helped," Severus explained. "Believe me, I've wasted a few years of perfectly good potions on this...problem. Potions do not help." Severus took a breath to steady himself before adding, "It was a nice gesture, though, and it didn't look like a half bad batch-- that's why I kept it."
~*~*~
Harry smiled slightly, glad that he hadn't taken it because he didn't trust Harry's skills. "Careful now, wouldn't want to exceed your quota of compliments all in one day," he said, his smile brightening at Severus' smirk. He was tempted to question him on what the 'problem' was, but he knew he wouldn't get a completely honest answer (since Severus never lied out right, that didn't mean he didn't lie by omission). Instead he continued, "I hope you feel better soon." He frowned, thinking, "I can always come see you on Sunday if you're still not up to it tomorrow. Unless of course, you're busy," he added respectfully.
~*~*~
"Thank you," Severus said nodding his head politely, "I assure you I will be just fine tomorrow. See you then, Potter." With one last nod of the head, Severus began to make his way slowly back to his rooms. God how he hated the new moon. He'd have his work more than cut out for him by Wednesday. They would be rumors flying around that he'd died, not having shown up for classes, or meals, no doubt invoking much joy from the students. 'No matter,' he sighed to himself inwardly, 'I can give them as much hell as they dish out.'
Creeping back into his rooms, he lit the fire with wandless magic. He set the wards to alert him if anyone stopped in front of his door (just to be sure he would miss this time if Albus came to drag him to dinner) and settled back in front of his fireplace with his book.
~*~*~
Closing the door softly, Harry set the wards, weaving his usual silencing spell, glamour, and the other spells that made sure anyone who had heated, ill thoughts of him would not be able to even touch the door, less if they were his enemy and planned on killing him in his sleep.
The glamour charm was for when he walked out. The spell was created so that when he stepped outside the doors, all his major and minor scars would be hidden--less questions that way. And when he went back into his rooms, the glamour spell ended, unless someone was with him. Even if he just opened the door, the spell automatically sprung up. Most people would think of it as vain, but Harry just didn't want the questions and stares. He knew the many scars made his body less than desirable, so maybe it was a bit vain. It didn't matter, since Harry would never take a lover. A relationship in this time of the war meant death, for both or one party involved. And as he'd already experienced, the death was always of his lover.
Sighing, Harry cleared away the tea and biscuits, cleaning them with a small washing charm and putting them back in the glass covered cabinets neatly.
Heading to the bathroom, he took his nightly shower, trying to relax his muscles. Fuck, he was so tired.. Severus' class had been hell. Gryffindors and Slytherins--his own class had been Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. *Not* fun to have *all* four houses in one room. It was a bloody nightmare. Resting his forehead against the cool, light blue and white marble tile, Harry sighed and finally turned off the tap. Drying his body with the fluffy black towel, he avoided looking in the bathroom mirror and went back into his sitting room, knowing he wouldn't sleep for awhile.
Using a drying spell to make sure he didn't drip on the Persian rug, a very light blue, he sank into the armchair that Severus had only recently been sitting in and curled up, staring into the flames. Absently running a finger up and down the light red scar over his left eye, standing out against the light golden tan, Harry sighed and rested his cheek on his hand. Maybe he could hope to just doze off here.
Chapter 3: Hopeless
Severus awoke early the next morning. He was not well rested by any means, but at least he was no longer in pain. Stretching leisurely under his thick, emerald green sheets (despite being a Slytherin colour, it was also his favourite colour), he decided that he wouldn't be going to breakfast that day either. He didn't want to deal with having to put students in their place so soon after the new moon. Instead he just summoned the food Potter had left for his lunch
the other day and promptly devoured it in bed.
After he'd finished and sent the bowls back to the kitchens, he set about getting dressed and awaiting Potter's arrival. Throwing on another informal black outfit, since he didn't really intend to deal with anyone else today, being a little weakened by the new moon, he started clearing a space in his sitting room. This was simple enough; he merely had to shrink the coffee table between the two armchairs (one used, one as good as new) and place it on his mantel. That created more than enough room for Potter and him to sit comfortably on the plush rug in front of his fire, an excellent place to start,
because fires happened to be trance educing. To further encourage the atmosphere, however, Severus lit some sage incense and magicked the room to play soft, calming background music.
Once all this was done, Severus had a moment to stand back and admire his work. Aside from the small wet spot on the rug by the door (blood serum took a long time to dry), the room seemed completely in order. He hadn't led a meditation before, but he felt no nervousness. Now that he was well and better able to reflect on Potter's behaviour, he decided he truly did want to help him relax.
Being tense would just earn his handsome, youthful body more scars. He may have not known the man too well, but with this new truce, he had to admit, simply because he wasn't so beyond appreciating things well formed, Potter was good looking. Besides that, many more scars might kill him; Voldemort seemed to be getting closer to his ultimate goal as the years wore on. Yes, Severus admitted to himself. He did want to help Potter, and not just for Albus' sake. The man was far too young to wear the self-world-hating look that he'd seen in him last night; one Severus knew he often sported himself.
~*~*~
Brushing his hair out over the back of his crimson, button up, long sleeved shirt, Harry did a cleaning spell on his mouth (having just had breakfast in the Great Hall--not many students had shown up since it was still early yet) and crossed the bedroom, into the sitting room, and out the door. Pausing briefly to pull his black, form-fitting jeans over his matching boots, before turning around and re-setting his wards with the same meticulous care as he always did, Harry turned and briskly walked down the hallway, rapping lightly on Severus' door. Seconds passed before a quiet 'enter' was heard. Harry
cautiously walked in, feeling a tingle of a few left over spells of the wards; obviously Severus had been speaking the truth when he'd said he'd leave some of his wards down for Harry. He looked around at the elegantly styled room. There was a lot of dark wood, stone, and dark colours, exactly what he'd expected. Instead of cold, it looked almost cozy.
Looking over at Severus, who oddly enough was seated on the floor in front of the fire, Harry discovered that the general layout was similar to his own with the kitchen door off to the right, the study in the north wall, and the bedroom of to the northwest of the entrance door. Toeing off his boots, Harry set them neatly to the side of the door and walked over to the other man, surprised at the feeling of the plush carpet underneath his feet when he entered the sitting area. His own Persian carpet had it's own delights, of course; he secretly loved to walk around with just his bare feet, loving the soft feeling of the material underneath him.
Following the man's silent order to sit down, Harry complied and crossed his legs Indian style, imitating Severus', cocking his head at the music, but shrugged it off since the other man had obviously put it on for relaxing benefits.
~*~*~
"Close your eyes and breath deeply for a few moment. Try to clear your head and concentrate on nothing, but the sound of my voice," Severus said, in a softer tone than usual for meditation purposes as he noticed Potter looking at him a little strangely out of the corner of his eyes before obeying.
Severus turned soundlessly to face him so that he could judge his reaction to the meditation and see what else would need to be done; when he felt Potter was starting to relax, he continued softly. "See yourself standing in empty black void with no wand or any other weapon; just you. You are safe here, nothing can harm you. This is a sanctuary. Slowly focus your attention to the energy coursing through your veins...feel its power...its magic. It is the source of all your strongest emotions and the life source of your very being.
"See that energy, that core of your power, and see that same energy emitting a soft white light from within you. It flows like an unformed ghost, a warm and familiar presence within you, wild and waiting to be tamed. Hold your hand out in front of you, as though you held a wand in it... try to focus all your energy there, see all the light flowing and compacting in your hand in the shape of a wand. Hold it loosely, but maintain control and when you're ready, close your fist tightly over the wand of energy. Once you do that, the magic will disperse back into you, returning safely and painlessly to its source."
Severus delivered the meditation slowly and smoothly, trying to make it easy for Potter to lose himself in the words and really be able to visualize what he told him, thus giving him plenty of time between commands.
When he neared the end, he simply came back to a few key phrases and repeated them again and again, trying to impress upon Potter that the ending of the meditation was within his control and Severus would simply wait until he opened his eyes.
The ultimate goal of this meditation was eventually to have what Potter was visualizing to happen in the real world. Once he was capable of focusing his power without his wand, thus producing wandless magic, Severus could start training him in more complicated Nosferatu magic. He wouldn't have any idea how this meditation went until Potter opened his eyes, but he was hopeful that it had gone well, he seemed to take to the trance easily after all.
~*~*~
Focusing on Severus' words, Harry found himself in a black oblivion. Before he could start to panic at the endless darkness, Severus' words pierced his mind, albeit gently, commanding him to calm down and to see the magic inside him.
Slowly, streaks of sparkling white mixed with a very light green swirling around the space, lighting up the darkness. They twirled around him as he watched amazement and wonder in his eyes as he stared at the beautiful magic. Magic that he saw was too beautiful to be his since he'd used his magic for destruction; how could it be so pure looking?
While following the soothing voice, Harry focused on the lights, until a small globe appeared in the middle of the black abyss. Walking forward, Harry looked down at the bright white ball-- sparkling emerald dust slowly weaving its way in and out of the white lights.
Harry reached forward, holding his hand out like he would normally hold his wand. The sparkling lights twinkled faster, blinking quickly, before it slowed down and started to seep into his hand forming the shape of a wa- no, forming the shape of a dagger.
Suddenly, out of the sparkling light, a black globe appeared, like sludge on top of crystal clear water. Black oozed off the globe and weaved up the light connecting the globe and the light-dagger in Harry's hand. The black entangled itself with the bright light, twirling around the dancing sparkles, before choking them, locking onto them and not letting go. As pain coursed through his arm, he dropped the light-dagger, but the globe didn't let go. The black sludge slithered up his arm, curling around his bicep, creeping up his neck, slow, yet also too fast for Harry to do anything. Or was he immobilized? The black globe, now having shaped itself into a deformed snake, slithered up his face and entered his screaming mouth.
Gasping, Harry's eyes snapped open, blazing red, as he leaned forward coughing into his hand. Thick liquid oozed out of his mouth. Looking down, Harry's eyes widened. Blood.
~*~*~
Severus' eyes widened as Potter's eyes snapped open and he started to cough blood. Something had gone very wrong. Gently taking Potter's hand in his, in the guise of wiping off the blood with a handkerchief, Severus' slipped into his own little trance to check on Potter's magical signature. He was experienced in both things, so he doubted it would go noticed by Potter. His energies reached out and--Voldemort--he shouldn't have been surprised. This was going to be a lot more dangerous for Potter than he thought. There was no telling what Voldemort would try to do through their link. Severus would have to go with him next time.
Looking up calmly into Potter's mildly distressed face, Severus tried to explain calmly. "This has to be Voldemort's work, Potter, since he has a connection with you. While I doubt he's skilled at all in the branch of magic that I'm trying to teach you, he'll use any gateway he can to get to you. This is going to be a lot more dangerous than I anticipated. I'll have to go with you next time." He glanced down at Potter's now clean hand and back up at Potter, "Can you tell me what happened, exactly? Anything you can tell me about what you saw or felt could help me make this easier for you."
There was no doubt in his mind that Potter was a strong wizard, he could tell that much from his magical signature and all the years he'd known him at Hogwarts as a student, but he was bound to have other road blocks. Being help up on a pedestal like he was by the wizarding world, it had an all to common affect of causing him to delude himself to believe that if he didn't live up to everyone's expectations, than he was worthless. Severus had experienced this in Voldemort's ranks in the beginning and then when he turned to Dumbledore as a spy later on. He should've been surprised, but he wasn't. Every time he got involved in something with Potter, it was *always* more complicated than he would originally have thought it would be. No matter, he'd made a decision and he was going to stick to it. If it was the last thing he ever did, and it probably would be judging from Potter's former difficulties with Occlumency, he would teach Potter Nosferatu magic and see Voldemort fall at last.
~*~*~
Gently taking his hand back, he rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to dull the headache there. Voldemort, of course. Why hadn't he thought of it? Of course, the bastard would interrupt. Fuck, he did it almost every night to him. Harry just had the delusion that he was free in the day. Now even that was taken away.
Looking up at the other man, he blinked his eyes a few times, his vision felt weird, almost like he was seeing things in a dull haze, then he finally righted his vision and frowned. "I did everything you told me to." He looked down, thinking about what he'd seen. "There was a ball of magic, my magic, and I held out my arm." He looked up in surprise. "But instead of a wand, it was a dagger. As soon as the lights completed the shape, black sludge went up from the ball. It wrapped around the dagger, constricting it, and then it wound it's way around my arm until I dropped the dagger, and it transformed itself into a deformed snake. Then it slithered into my mouth," he shuddered, swallowing the taste of bile and blood in his mouth, then looking back up continued, "and then I opened my eyes."
Looking to the side, into the flames that were still going strong, probably due to magic, Harry sighed.
Severus stayed silent, either thinking, or allowing Harry to catch his breath, so to speak.
After calming down, Harry looked over at the other man, smiling weakly. "That wasn't supposed to happen, huh?"
~*~*~
Severus raised an eyebrow lightly. "Your assumptions would be correct. I should be surprised, but then again when hasn't he interfered with your life?" Standing up, Severus offered Potter a hand and, after brushing off his clothing a little, he cut the music.
"I don't think it would be wise to do much more today," he said as he put the coffee table back where it was. Turning back to Potter and he continued, "Would you like to stay for tea?" He smirked at Potter's confused expression and moved to explain. "The better I know you, beyond your magical signature that is, the easier it will be for me to teach you this. That core bit of magic you're trying to control is also the core of your strongest emotions and life force in general. It hums through you like water weaving through smooth rocks and you call on it through your wand. The magic I'm trying to teach you is, for the most part, wandless, making the magic more powerful, less diluted, and much more personal. Emotions are the easiest trigger to bring it forth, hence it would help if I knew you better."
As a tiny demonstration, Severus summoned his tea set to the coffee table, tea ready and warm, without ever breaking eye contact with Potter though the younger man looked quite surprised. "Resembles the Muggle's idea of telekinesis, doesn't it?" Severus asked, glancing over at the chairs in front of his fireplace, one well worn and one hardly sat in. He never thought Potter might be the first invited guest to sit in it, but as he had learned over the years, you can hardly predict the future, despite what Trelawney said. Looking back up at the emerald-eyed professor, Severus tipped his head to one side and asked, "Well Potter? What do you say?"
~*~*~
Still somewhat confused, Harry sank into the plush dark green (so dark it could be mistaken for black) armchair nearest him, leaving the more well worn one for Severus, which was obviously *his* chair. The other man took the silent action as assent and used his wandless magic to pass Harry his teacup while he gracefully sat in his own chair. The young man was somewhat surprised that Severus wasn't as stiff as he was in the library when he'd sat on the couch, but Harry assumed he was more comfortable in his own element.
Sipping at the mint flavored tea, Harry glanced around the room. Everything was dark, and with no windows, it looked even darker and the fire added to the creepy feel; yet, even with all those things, it still felt cozy to him. Looking at the wall to the right of him (the armchairs were at a diagonal angle, facing the fire place, but also the coffee table), he was surprised to notice a large tapestry considering it was the first thing one would see when entering the room, Harry must have skipped over it in his nervousness.
"Where did you get that beautiful tapestry?" he broke the silence, still gazing at the large dragon depicted there.
~*~*~
Severus looked up from his tea and looked over at the tapestry; he hadn't expected to be on the receiving end of the questions, but he wasn't adverse to it. As long as it wasn't anything too hard to speak of. The tapestry had been with him since he'd first heard of the Muggle movie, and had it installed in his chambers as soon as he'd seen the movie, which soon turned out to be his favourite. It was large enough to cover the whole wall with the image of a dragon against the stars.
"I had it made for me," he explained. "I saw a Muggle film, 'Dragon Heart', a few years back and the imagery and the story really stuck with me." Severus paused to shrug briefly at Harry's raised eyebrow before continuing. "It's not a traditional fairy tale ending, and frankly the realism of it struck me more than any of the other aspects of it."
Potter was still giving him that quizzical, amused look and for some reason it greatly annoyed him. "What? I do get free time occasionally and, unlike what most people will have you believe, I do enjoy going out. Just not often."
~*~*~
Harry tried not to drop his jaw in astonishment that the dour man had actually spoken a fair length since the meditation bit didn't really count, since he was only telling Harry what to do.
"I'm surprised you get any leisure time in," seeing Severus' customary raised brow, he continued, "I haven't been able to get much leisure time, what with school work and the students. By the time the day ends, I'm too tired to do anything else after I finish my marking and making up the next lesson plan."
He really wanted to get back out on his broom, or even just sit and read a book, but he was always too tired or he had too big of a headache to do much of anything besides just try to take a nap. And even that ended up making it worse due to nightmares, or just Voldemort being his old bastard self and entering his dreams.
~*~*~
"You get used to it after a while," Severus drawled, taking another sip of tea. "My lesson plans haven't really changed in years; I do go over them over the summer and every weekend to make slight changes. The marking is really a balance of time. Whenever you have a free moment without having to focus on the students, you should be grading, even during lunch if you have the time; you'd be surprised how much time it saves." Placing his teacup back down on the coffee table, Severus looked back up at Potter. This was not the way he'd intended the conversation to go, but he supposed Potter wanted a give and take situation; he could live with that.
"I was in much the same state when I first started teaching here; it took me two years to figure out how much time I was wasting by surveying the students when I could put a charm on the room to alert me if anything went too wrong with the potions and focus on paperwork instead." Severus shifted his gaze calmly to the fire, instructor like voice taking over. "It's never a good thing to be at such a loss for time, Potter. You make mistakes like that, big ones."
~*~*~
Frowning, Harry thought that over. He could squeeze in marking during class while they were busy practicing, and the charm sounded like a good idea too. And if he was ever desperate, he could always assign a pop quiz or something. Why hadn't he thought of this before?
He aimed a small grin at the other man. "Thanks for the tip. Maybe it'll free up enough time to go flying. I've wanted to do that for a while now. On the field, we weren't allowed to carry brooms, since the head of the Aurors made us Apparate everywhere. Only during the long distance missions did they let us take a broom. Hell, I wasn't even allowed to fly then either. They said I didn't need a broom since I could Apparate over the ocean - no problem." He shrugged lightly and shook his head, thinking back on it. They'd always singled him out for everything. Eventually his co-workers had started to dislike him for it. "While it wasn't much of a strain to go over continents, it still would have been nice to be able to fly instead of Apparating back while I was bone tired."
Never in a million years, even when he and Severus had eventually called the truce, had Harry ever thought he'd be having a decent conversation with the other man. Then again, Severus himself had said he was only doing this to get to know Harry more so he would know what to teach Harry when the time came to actually teach him more complex spells. It wasn't like the professor was asking him over for a cup of tea to be friendly. Harry gave a mental snort at the thought; it was all in a matter of magic and business.
~*~*~
"Everyone singles you out, don't they?" Severus observed. "I don't suppose it helps with the prophecy actually stating that it will come down to a one-on-one battle does it? People don't seem to realize that in order for it to come to that, you'll need help getting there."
Severus knew a little of that. He'd gotten a lot of pressure from his family in that respect, being the first of their line not to need a donor. He would be able to fit in well in both worlds, even pass for a full-blooded Nosferatu because of the strong resemblance in his father's family. It wasn't to the same scale as the pressure Potter received, but it was similar and neither was really healthy.
"Well, it will be winter very soon, but I don't imagine that would stop you," Severus mused looking back over at Potter. "This war has taken up so much of your life," he stated, blunt as usual. "Have you ever given any thought to what you would do when it was over?" Here was an important tactic of war, always to keep a victorious end in mind. With a war that went on as long as this, people tended to lose sight of what they were fighting for, what they really wanted from freedom.
He doubted Potter would fall so easily into that trap in the beginning, but this war and the first had almost started to meld together as one long, dark night, in the eyes of the wizarding world and Harry, nearing his wizarding prime, had to be feeling that after all this time. Conversation, meditation, and distraction were good for him. Plus, to Severus' great surprise, he wasn't so bad, as company went. This could be a very interesting partnership.
~*~*~
Harry sighed and leaned back into the chair, switching his gaze towards the fire. What was he going to do after the war? He hadn't really thought of that. In the past, he'd been fighting to keep his friends safe, Hermione and Ron; at the moment, he was fighting just to stay alive. But recently, well, he hadn't really cared whether he lived or died. Of course, if he did die, it would have to be after Voldemort, since no one else could beat him but Harry.
As for the end of the war, he'd always expected to be six feet under. He knew that if, no, when he did defeat Voldemort, he would be too weak to do much of anything else, and Voldemort's minions would probably finish him off easily enough. And if he didn't get picked off then, well, there would always be people who would hate the Boy-Who-Lived, either for killing Voldemort, or not ending the war soon enough, before their families and houses were destroyed. He'd always have to watch his back--not a very exciting life.
Glancing over, he tried not to squirm when he found Severus watching him intently, obsidian eyes intense in their regard. He couldn't tell what the man was thinking. He feared that Severus would spit something like 'the world doesn't revolve around you, Potter'.
"I just want a peaceful life. I'm sure once I defeat Voldemort, the wizarding world will be too caught up in their excitement and I'd be able to slip away." He shrugged. "Maybe live a Muggle life. It wasn't that bad when I was a child." Ha! 'Sure it wasn't, Harry,' he thought grimly. His childhood was terrible, true, but living as a Muggle wasn't that bad and it was definitely quieter.
Schooling his features into a small smile, and making sure to show nothing of what he was thinking on his face (he had learned from those lessons, after all), Harry took another sip of tea.
He frowned when he felt a light probing in his mind. Quickly shooting up a mental wall, Harry looked over at the other man, scowling. "What the bloody hell was that?" He did *not* care to have his personal feelings and memories rooted through even if he respected and liked the other man, that gave him no bloody right to root around in his mind.
~*~*~
"I must admit Potter, your lying has improved; however, you seem to forget you're talking to someone who has made a living off of it. You could no more fool me than I could fool," there was a slight pause as Severus grasped for a name and came up with, "Dumbledore." He watched the green fire blazing in Potter's eyes and held up a hand to halt whatever was going to come out of his mouth next, "Potter, I wasn't trying to do anything diabolical and unless we suddenly decide to get married, I'll be able to do no more than check your magical signature. I can't read your thoughts. Except for maybe Voldemort, no one can. The only thing I'm trying to do is help you and I can't do that if you don't trust me.
"You've got to stop trying to win this war alone. The more you try to block others out, or protect people you think can't protect themselves, the less chance you have of defeating Voldemort. It's a wise decision not to get so involved with the peaceful part of your life that you forget about the war at hand, but you can't separate yourself entirely from your life outside of Voldemort. He's a man of extremes and the best way to beat him is to be a man of balance. If you trust me, Potter, I can help you get there. If you don't, then I have more important things to do."
Severus paused and still seeing Potter a little angry, he continued, "And before you start convincing yourself that I'm only doing this for Albus, allow me to correct you. We called a truce and I'm trying not to drive you crazy, as amusing as it is and while Albus may have suggested the idea, he just missed being clobbered by a hot cup of blood sausage serum. So I think it's safe to say I came to the decision to help you without caring about his 'influence'."
Humans were such frustrating creatures, Severus decided, meeting Potter's gaze steadily and waiting for him to respond. They were never trusting when you wanted them to be, never paranoid when it was good for them, and just generally as difficult as any other thing he'd ever tried to figure out. Hell, he was one of them and he still didn't understand them too well.
~*~*~
Placing the cup down on the tray, Harry leant back into the seat, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He wanted to trust Severus, hell, he already did. There was no point in deluding himself. "I *have* to push people away. There's no point in deluding myself into thinking that I can be happy during this war. Anyone who gets close to me dies. I *have* no life outside of Voldemort-" he broke off in frustration.
"For Merlin's sakes! My whole life has been centered on the monster; I've known nothing else but him. I've had him in my bloody head so many times, it's hard to distinguish myself from him!" All attempts at composure gone, he leaned forward in the chair, resting his face in his hands, waist length hair falling around him. He didn't care anymore about making an ass of himself in front of the other man: he might be ridiculed about it later.
"I do trust you, more then you probably think I ever would. This whole rivalry was one sided. When I was younger, I hated you along with all the other students. It was hard not to with the way you treated us, but when I left Hogwarts and realized that petty hatred was childish when compared to the bigger picture of the war, I just stopped.
"I still think you're a snarky bastard, but I don't hate you. I know you probably still dislike me for not having ended the war sooner for you and the entire wizarding world, but what am I supposed to do? We're basically at a stalemate, and Dumbledore keeps ordering me not to go on attack. I have to sit here, idly thinking up new strategies that I know won't work, while I wait for the bastard to come for me."
He sighed, trying to get himself together. He was a grown man, for Merlin's sake! Jeez. Severus would never let him live this down. After all this, he was sure to go back to thinking of him as a child.
~*~*~
To say Severus was surprised at this sudden show of emotion was an understatement, but he took it well. His first impulse was to comfort the other man, as he had many others during the war without feeling anything else than the desire for them to stop being hysterical, but no - this was good for him, this was progress, and most of all the more he got this out of his system, the better things would be for him, in more than just the magical aspect.
He sat there and let Potter ride out his emotions, inwardly berating himself when Potter mentioned their long one sided feud (it had been foolish of him to carry on with it so long) waiting until he had gotten most of it out before approaching him.
Severus moved silently, so as not to disturb Potter, before kneeling down beside him and placing one hand over his to gain his attention. Potter's head jerked up in shock, but otherwise he didn't move. "Potter," Severus began with a sigh, "it was foolish of me to drag on that bitterness towards you for so long. It accomplished nothing, just as being a slave to other people's views of you will accomplish nothing. Potter, you have to be able to see a life outside of Voldemort or you'll forget what you're fighting for. No one can win like that.
"I've done a lot of foolish things in my life, joining the Voldemort being one of them, but I've taken something away from all of it. If others are going to expect things from you without taking into consideration how that his going to affect you, or how difficult it is, Dumbledore included, screw them, they aren't worth your consideration and sitting here doing nothing is only going to destroy you. What I can teach you will help you find him and beat him once and for all, rules about hiding away be damned.
"You're a strong enough wizard, Potter; I've seen that for myself. All you need is something to fight for (since the freedom of your own life doesn't seem to be enough) and with some training from me, you *can* beat him. The problem with him is that so many people have come to think he's immortal, but he's no more immortal than you are. I've spied on him for almost twenty years; despite his connection with you, I don't think he has any natural talent for this brand of magic. If you believe it and want it, for more than simply to please everyone else, you'll beat him and we can both move on with the rest of our lives; though preferably less hostile than before. It's exhausting trying to ruffle your feathers these days."
~*~*~
Harry smiled weakly down at the kneeling man. Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair, lifting it away from his face to better meet the other's gaze. He was relieved to see no scorn, pity or even sympathy (which was a close second to pity). Looking down at his hands, the other man's fingers were still resting lightly on his wrist, starkly pale against his own tanned flesh. He resisted the urge to pull his hand back, before the other man felt the scars on his wrist.
The glamour spell hid his scars from view, but not from touch. That was another reason he didn't have any other close friends or lovers. His last lover had died before he'd got the numerous scars on his body. His more recent one, well, as soon as he'd taken off his clothes to join the other man on the bed, he'd gotten a quick excuse, and the man had ran out. That was the last time he had attempted anything like that again.
Glancing back up at Severus, he thought out loud, more then asked, "And what if I can't find that something to fight for? What then?" He raised a brow scornfully. "The war is suddenly in his favor?" He sighed and looked up into the fire. "I don't need something to fight for. I'll fight for the sake of fighting, and to prevent other people from dying."
~*~*~
Severus didn't chuckle, but he did smirk a little at Potter's last words. "Everyone has something worth fighting for. And even if you only fight to prevent people from dying, it *is* something to fight for. Not the best, but certainly an admirable reason to fight." Reaching over, Severus gripped Potter's chin between his thumb and forefinger, making him meet his gaze. "And if you can't find something more personal to fight for, we'll just have to find you something."
Standing, Severus walked over to the coffee table and refilled his and Potter's cups manually. "Don't think we're incapable of it either. You have a knack for sheer dumb luck when you need it and I'll strangle something out of the universe if it doesn't seem inclined to give it to me without an argument." Severus sat back down in his chair in a very business-like manner and smirked at Potter before asking, "Potter, not to sound macabre, but what is the best thing you have going for you now? A reason to get up out of bed in the morning? This would be a good place to start in looking for something to fight for."
It was an unusual way to go about teaching, but Nosferatu magic generally worked better if the person had a driving force behind them. As heroic as the Boy-Who-Lived might have been, Severus could not see stopping people from dying being enough to get the full strength from his magic.
~*~*~
Harry reached for his cup, leaning back in the chair and looking down into the light green-white liquid. Taking a sip, he sighed and looked into the fireplace, frowning while he tried to think.
A reason to get out of bed in the morning, well, it wasn't like everyone had a reason, right? People got up because they had to. Satisfy basic needs and all that. He didn't really have anything 'going for him' at the present moment. But obviously this magic worked better if Harry actually had something to fight for, or Severus wouldn't have bothered to ask. What if he wasn't able to find that something? Would the other man not bother to teach him the magic?
"What about you? Do you have anything to fight for in this war?" Maybe he just wasn't thinking of the right things.
~*~*~
Severus took a sip of his tea before placing it down and drawling nonchalantly, "that's called avoiding the questions, but I'll bite." He almost winced at his own terrible pun. In truth, he didn't have any really good reasons. His life hadn't really been a happy one, but he refused to give up on wanting to be happy in his own snarky bastard sort of way.
"Short of seeing that bastard go to hell like he deserves and being able to relax and read my books without worrying about some terribly tragedy interrupting me? Not particularly." Severus paused, thinking the question over. "Although I must admit throwing another teacup at Dumbledore the next time he comes in for a 'chat' is rather appealing. Then again, that doesn't have much to do with winning the war does it?"
~*~*~
Laughing, Harry shook his head, greatly amused by the image of Severus chucking a cup at Dumbledore's head, which reminded him. Laughter quickly fading; damn, he hadn't done that in a long time, he was surprised his face hadn't cracked. Harry frowned and looked at the other man. "Why do you drink blood sausage serum? You mentioned it earlier." He tilted his head, waiting for an answer. He'd only heard about the potion in passing, but it was interesting to find out that Severus drank it.
~*~*~
That last question came as a surprise to Severus, but again he took it well, showing no signs of it on his face. "It helps with what was bothering me yesterday," he answered nonchalantly, trying not to sound too eager or too unwilling to talk about the subject. If he drew any sort of attention to it, it would inevitably come up again.
Thinking of the potion Potter had given him for his `stomach flu', which even now sat on his supply shelf, he tried to change the subject. "Who was it whom taught you potions after me, Potter? I'd certainly like to know what they did to get you to learn it; I might be able to use their techniques on some of my more difficult students. Though, admittedly, I think nothing short of a tranquillizer gun will help."
~*~*~
Harry smiled at the comment, not questioning the change of subject, since he'd done it himself. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." He smirked at Severus' raised brow, "I had to teach myself. In order to pass the Auror training test, well, one of the on field specialties you need to know is how to brew certain potions. I took it beyond that, finding all the books, restricted and non-restricted, I could and learning everything in them, both in theory and practice. Now I know about almost every potion. I admit there's a few I haven't been able to grasp the concept, thus I can't make it, but I know a wide variety of potions, ranging from poisons to a simple Skele-Gro."
He didn't mention the other things he had to endure for training. No one ever spoke of them, thus, no one knew much about Auror training and the shit you had to go through to become one. Only the best of the best made it through. The only reasons Harry still had all his memories of it was because he was the Boy-Who-Lived and they had left him alone. Anyone else leaving the field, be it retiring or quitting, had their memory wiped of most of the things they had done, to themselves for the training, and most of the things they'd done while on field. The scars on his wrists were one thing he had to endure while in training, which usually lasted about two to three months, depending how fast someone passed a test.
~*~*~
Severus saw the darkness pass through Potter's eyes--probably memories just as dark. He wasn't stupid, he could imagine the types of things he'd had to go through to become an Auror and if it was anything like what he'd done to become a Death Eater and while in their ranks, it had to be bad. In short, he knew better than to probe the subject too deeply.
"By yourself? How Ravenclaw-ish. I must admit I underestimated you learning seven years of potions like that. Lord knows you never really paid attention in my class. Too busy thinking of new and interesting ways to put yourself in danger." Severus stopped himself forcibly, before adding, "Sorry, old habits die hard." There was a brief pause before Severus asked, on a whim, "With all this studying, did you develop a taste for reading?"
Reading, as uneventful as it might be to some people, was one of Severus' favourite past times next to potions. It would be very ironic if he and Potter happened to share the same interest. Of course the logical part of his brain doubted it immensely, he'd no doubt prefer Quidditch or flying--still, he had to ask.
~*~*~
Distracted from his memories, Harry shook his head, "I prefer flying." He paused at Severus' snort. Shaking his head, slightly amused, he continued, "But I do enjoy reading books. I haven't had much time to do so, as I've already told you, that and being on the field *definitely* didn't give me any time to read at my leisure, but it would be nice to get that time back and read a little. I actually used to go through a book a day while I was in Hogwarts." Seeing Severus' surprised gaze, barely suppressed, he grinned. "You probably find it hard to believe, but since I wasn't able to get a hold on any books while I was a younger child, I went to Diagon Alley several times to get new books.
"I knew the book store clerk so much that she eventually let me borrow the books, so long as I gave her my word that I would return them, and I always did," he added with a grin. The memory of reading all those fiction books, passing the time by sitting on a couch and immersing himself in a fictional world, overrode the memories of his childhood before Hogwarts, and even during the summer.
"I prefer flying more now, since I never really had much time to do that, either." Glancing away from Severus, he looked over at the large bookshelf near the door, "I assume you like to read, though?" he asked, looking back at the other man. It wouldn't surprise him since the professor was a solitary being and preferred his own company.
~*~*~
Severus snorted again and waved his hand around at the three different bookshelves in his room, all of them packed. "Can't you tell? The life of a teacher and spy doesn't leave much time to enjoy them, but yes, next to potions, it's my preferred hobby." Severus paused to take another sip of tea before continuing. "Perhaps, not as thrilling as hurtling 100 miles per hour over the British landscape, but it does have its high points." Another pause. "You should go flying tonight, the moon will just be starting to wax so it won't be so dark. As amusing as it would be, we wouldn't want you flying into a goal post."
At the talk of flying, Severus thought of his own broom, nestled in the corner of his bedroom. It was nothing as extravagant as Potter's Firebolt, but it wasn't bad either. Despite what the general public thought, he wasn't completely averse to flying. It was definitely the slower, higher type of flying that he preferred though; nothing could beat that kind of view. He'd try to recapture it several other ways, through drawings, which he happened to be rather good at and photographs, but nothing did it save flying. Not to say that he was anywhere near as obsessed with flying as Potter, but he did enjoy some aspects of it very much.
~*~*~
Harry grinned, "I'm sure you would enjoy that. Maybe I can borrow the Quidditch supplies and have a go at the Snitch." He smiled somewhat wistfully, remembering the feelings he got from chasing after the Snitch. "I haven't done that in a long time." His smile grew at the other's snort. "I've always loved flying, probably more so then most people. It gives me the sense of freedom that I've never had." He trailed off, looking down into his cup. "It really helped to lift my spirits as a child." He frowned, thinking of his childhood again. "I can only hope it still has the same affect on me." He grinned, somewhat weaker than before, up at Severus.
Looking down at the hunter green carpet, Harry asked, "Can we give it another go?" He looked up at the other man, waiting for his answer. If Severus didn't agree to it, he could always try it some other time on his own. It wasn't too hard. He didn't fancy the prospect of having another run in with Voldemort, but he wanted to get this right. He hated learning something new, only to not fully understand and be unable to do it.
~*~*~
Severus listed intently to Potter, noting the underling unhappiness about him. He had a lot of potential for power; he just needed something happy, something worth fighting for, to drive it to it's full potential. Severus decided right then and there that he was going to help Potter find that something, it would make teaching him a hell of a lot easier; not that teaching Potter was ever really easy. He could see the old defiant look in him already. If Severus said no to him now, he'd probably just practice by himself, something that had no end of danger attached to it.
"Very well," Severus agreed, moving the coffee table back up to the mantel with wandless magic. "But I'm going with you this time and don't be discouraged if you don't get it right. It took me a while to master it as well and beating yourself up about mistakes will only defeat the purpose." Standing from his chair, Severus moved to sit on the carpet with his back facing the fire. "Sit with your back against mine and we can begin," he instructed.
~*~*~
Moving his empty cup to the mantel, Harry moved behind the other man, facing the fire. He grinned slightly, knowing that Severus was probably only continuing this because he knew Harry would do it on his own. Raking a hand through his hair to get it out of his face, the young man leaned back against the solid presence behind him while trying not to admit to himself how much he actually enjoyed it. It wasn't like Severus would ever go for it anyway. Besides, it wasn't so bad to just be friends with the other man. He'd always wanted to be more, a little after he'd stopped the rivalry on his part and realized, that while the other man was a bastard, sarcastic, and pessimistic, he really was interesting, funny in his dry humour, and well, kind of sexy, but he wasn't going to tell him that, not yet anyway. This little bond of theirs was still too fragile.
Taking a deep breath, Harry closed his eyes, making sure to picture himself as he was now, his glamour spells all in check. He didn't want Severus to see any of his scars, not yet anyway.
~*~*~
"Alright, Potter," Severus began in the same smooth voice as before. "See yourself standing in an empty black void with no wand, or any other weapon; just you with me at your back. You are safe here." Severus delivered the meditation in much the same way as before, slipping in a few times so that Potter wasn't alone.
The fact that Severus was also meditating didn't stop him from dictating the meditation to Potter. Much to his surprise, he
reflected in the back of his mind, it was actually kind of nice, meditating with Potter and talking with him.
His magic was, as Severus expected, very powerful, but lacking in something to really bring it out. He couldn't really see anything but the glow from it, being at Potter's back, but he could still feel it. He was greatly in need of some proper self-esteem, but he was actually rather nice company. Accepting his friendship might not be such a bad idea. Severus was still a cynical, paranoid bastard, but he'd seen enough of war to know that it was best to enjoy what the powers that be saw fit to give you; you never knew when they'd take it away again.
When the meditation was complete, Severus hovering in between for a moment, enjoying the comfortable silence, something so few people really appreciated. He didn't bother to turn upon opening his eyes, but asked simply, "Was that better, Potter?" He hadn't felt any more than the normal traces of Voldemort in Potter's magic, but he wasn't as closely connected to the man as Voldemort was so he couldn't be entirely sure.
~*~*~
Opening his eyes, Harry stared into the flames, the back pressing against his own oddly warmer than the fire before him. The meditation had gone well, or at least, Voldemort hadn't appeared. It was a bit odd to have the other man at his back while he had been amongst the bright lights of his magic twirling around him and dancing questionably around the dour figure behind him. It had been easy enough once he stopped worrying about Voldemort and accepted the fact that he was safe with Severus at his back.
"Considering I'm not coughing up blood and my vision is isn't like looking through red sunglasses, yeah." He grinned when Severus snorted in laughter; he enjoyed the way it made his own body sway forward slightly. "I still couldn't conjure a wand though. It kept going into the shape of a dagger. Is that normal?" He frowned, turning his head to glance at Severus from the corner of his eye.
~*~*~
Turning so that he could also see Potter out of the corner of his eye, Severus thought over what that could possibly mean. "It probably means you're a little too focused on killing Voldemort if I had to guess." Sighing, Severus met Potter's eyes as best he could without turning around. "Though having that pushed on you since you were eleven, who could blame you, Potter? Between that, your Auror career and getting used to dealing with children, I honestly doubt you have any time for anything else." Severus paused, looking for a good metaphor and, of course, went with potions. "It's like making a potion, Potter--if you focus too much on one part of it and don't see the big picture, you'll ruin it."
Severus sighed thoughtfully. This was a roadblock they'd have to deal with now before they got too far into training. "I think for now it would be better to practice the meditation only once a day, with me, and spend the rest of your free time enjoying yourself, to try and broaden your horizons beyond the war, so to speak." Still being somewhat in tune with Potter's magic, he felt rather than saw doubt in him. "Of course," he added quickly, "if you find yourself unable to do so, I have no qualms about dragging you out of your rooms and forcing you, too, Potter," he finished with his patent smirk.
~*~*~
Harry laughed and shook his head in amusement, "*You?* Drag *me* out of my rooms when you don't even go out yourself?" he smiled when Severus chuckled, the first laugh he'd heard from him since--ever. His mood sobered somewhat when he thought of trying to 'broaden his horizon beyond the war'. What was he supposed to do? When he did manage to free up some time, he'd probably fly or read. But was that something to fight for? It seemed pretty, well, selfish. And it wasn't incredibly important to him, although flying did give him freedom like nothing else did, but was that enough to make his magic stronger for this branch of magic? Was that the driving force behind it? He didn't think so.
He did want freedom, and if he *knew* he was going to get it, then maybe...but he knew that people would still bother him, be it for good or bad. However, if everyone did finally leave him alone, then he would finally have the peace he'd always wanted.
~*~*~
Severus saw Potter's mood rise and fall again and poked him in the shoulder to gain his attention again. "Potter, you are becoming entirely too pessimistic and moody. Stop it. That's my job." He smirked at Potter's mild chuckle, before continuing. "Besides, do you honestly doubt my ability to teach you something if you volunteer for it? I may not be able to strangle good potion grades out of everyone, but I'm better than that when it comes to willing victims."
~*~*~
Turning his head around to face the fire again, Harry leaned back against the other man, grinning faintly when Severus let out a quiet 'tch' and brushed a long strand of white hair off his black clad shoulder that had fallen when Harry had moved.
"So *that's* what you get paid for and here I thought it was to attempt to teach children how to brew potions." He smiled at the loud trademark snort.
Amazingly enough, he enjoyed the man's company. They'd known each other for basically all of Harry's life, but they'd never really *known* each other. It was nice to finally be able to see at least some of the other man's guard down. Harry knew there was plenty Severus was hiding, but Harry figured every man was entitled to his secrets, although the whole blood sausage serum still nagged at him and he was tempted to look it up fully, but for some reason, it made him feel like he was being disloyal to Severus. If the man had wanted him to know, he would have told him.
Crossing his arms, he looked down into his lap, thinking about their past conversation about something to fight for. "Do you think it would be enough drive to simply want to beat Voldemort? To end this whole war? I've." he broke off, breathing silently, trying to put his thoughts in order. Severus waited patiently, not saying anything.
"Since I was only fourteen, I've always thought that there *wouldn't* be anything after Voldemort. Not for me anyway. I grew up, expecting to die at any moment from either one of his minions, or Voldemort himself. I suppose I've never really thought about what would happen to me after the war, because I always thought there would be no long term future for me." He finally admitted, looking down. He was slightly ashamed to be saying his thoughts, the thoughts he'd carried around for years upon years. Even if he trusted Severus and generally liked him, it was still hard to admit something out loud, something that he'd always thought about and never thought to share with anyone else.
~*~*~
"That's your problem then," Severus mused, "you must not have known a real moment of peace." Severus sighed thoughtfully and looked over at the shadow of the two of them the fire cast on the wall.
"If you can't really see yourself living after Voldemort, then I don't see how you could beat him." Severus felt Potter tense at this, but he leaned back, lightly pressing against Potter's back, trying to make him relax, and continued. "It'll be rooted in your subconscious that you won't outlive Voldemort and thus, if you finally kill him, you'll die too. No one really wants to kill themselves; you could be subconsciously sabotaging yourself."
Severus paused a moment to let this really sink in. Potter didn't seem hostile and as it looked like he was willing to hear him, Severus continued. "That's probably holding you back more than you realize. I'd suggest making an effort to imagine a time without him; when the choice of what to do with your life is hindered by no one but you. Finding something to fight for might help you do this even if it's just a dream you want to be realized.
"Like I said before, I don't have anything tangible beyond my potions and my books to really fight for, but I *know* what I want and I know the only way to really get it is to help bring down Voldemort. *That* is the difference between us, Potter. Can you even remember the last time you wanted something badly enough that Voldemort wasn't the main focus in your life anymore?"
He paused again and since Potter seemed to be thinking things over, he chanced to add one last thing. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, feeling the way you do. I doubt if anyone ever bother to give you the chance to hope for something more than Voldemort. Now I'm asking you to do so because it could make the difference."
~*~*~
"What is there to live for? I have nothing and no one will miss me personally if I do die. When I kill Voldemort, everyone else's lives are calmer, more peaceful. I die afterwards, and I'll stop bringing bad luck. Those that want to kill me due to Voldemort's fall, or not ending the war soon enough, will go back to their daily lives and not create any havoc. So in the end, I will be fighting for peace, just not my own."
He tensed when he felt Severus start to finally turn around, probably to snap at him for being so self-pitying. He stood up quickly, swaying slightly from a dizzy spell, before shaking it off. Looking down at the man, who was gazing up at him intently, probably prepared to speak, he broke in before he could, "I'll try to find that something to fight for." He looked to the side briefly. "I'll see you tomorrow for another go at meditating?"
~*~*~
Severus sighed inwardly at Potter's sudden frenzy to get away. If he couldn't think of any really good reason to live in general, he really had his work cut out for him. Twenty-eight year old wizards shouldn't be thinking like that; hell everyone deserved to enjoy life, except perhaps, Voldemort and the rest of the Death Eaters.
"Very well," Severus murmured, rising to his feet beside Potter. "I'll leave the wards down for you." Potter nodded and Severus walked him to the door. "Goodbye Potter," he murmured before closing the door and putting all of his wards back up. Glancing over at the clock, he noticed there were a few more hours until dinner and decided to clean out his potions lab. That usually helped clear his mind and made it easier to think things over.
He hadn't been scrubbing out cauldrons for ten minutes before he came to a conclusion. He needed to keep a closer eye on Potter; find out what he really enjoyed in life and try to bring that out. Severus was surprised he wasn't suicidal by now with the way he claimed to think of things. 'He might try to go flying tonight,' Severus thought to himself, 'no harm in standing watch for a few hours and see if our paths cross.' For good measure he added, 'Potter, you are going to be the death of me, but I *shall* figure you out.'
~*~*~
Raking a hand through his hair for the fifth time in a span of two minutes, Harry sighed and leaned back in his chair. He'd finally finished marking everything he needed to and had finished his lesson plan for the week. Hell, if he'd known working was good for avoiding thinking about something, he would have done it a long time ago, but now that he was done, he had quite a lot of free time on his hands.
Scratching his bare chest absentmindedly, the buttons on his shirt having come undone half way when he'd gotten too hot in his study and hadn't wanted to bother with a cooling charm, he closed the study's door behind him and went over to his kitchen. It only held the bare necessities, since teachers couldn't always be bothered to go to the Great Hall for meals, but Harry just wanted a snack. He hadn't eaten lunch or dinner and was feeling a bit hungry.
Grabbing a chocolate frog from his candy stash as he still had quite the sweet tooth, he munched quietly, going back out into his sitting room to just stand and look into the flames. Playing with the thick strands of white in his bangs, Harry looked up, judging the weather outside by the enchanted ceiling, something he'd learned from Dumbledore when he'd expressed his interest in the enchantment on the ceiling of the Great Hall. It was a clear night, the stars and waxing moon bringing enough light to the grounds.
Smiling, his first since having left the professor's room, he went into his bedroom and grabbed his Firebolt from the closet. Placing a warming charm on himself in case it got too cold outside, Harry walked out of his chambers, pausing to put his wards up, before stalking down the hall and making the long trek outside to the Quidditch pitch. He planned on having a go at that snitch. It's definitely been too long, he thought, grinning at the rush of adrenaline he felt.
~*~*~
"Ah, there he is," Severus murmured to himself when he noticed a distant figure walking onto the Quidditch pitch. Even from this distance, cramped up against the wall of the castle he could clearly see Potter, Snitch in one hand and broom in the other. He was tempted to walk over and strike up a conversation (both for the sake of conversation and the shock on Potter's face), but his better instincts forced him to hold back and, for now, to simply observe.
He smirked at the youthful expression that crossed Harry's face as he threw the tiny golden ball into the air and watching it disappear, probably wanting to let it get a good head start before he went after it. After about thirty seconds, he hopped onto his broom and took off. He didn't even really bother to look for the Snitch at first, he zoomed around the Quidditch field executing his trademark moves and generally having a good time. Severus actually found himself enjoying watching the DADA professor swoop about like a teenager on his broom. He never realised how tired and war beaten he had looked, until those looks were gone and he actually seemed happy. That expression, Severus decided, suited Potter much better than his usually impassive, or unhappy face.
After about ten minutes of frenzied flying about the pitch, Potter finally settled down and positioned himself at one of the goal posts to keep a look out for the Snitch. As was to be expected, his instincts had never left him and after five minutes of just watching, Potter entered one of his trademark dives. He chased the Snitch around for a good five minutes before it managed to elude him again and he glided around looking for it. He repeated this process of gliding and frenzied swooping for the better part of half an hour, before Severus decided to give him some competition. He'd never been a Seeker himself, preferring potions to flying, but he did have the skills for it.
Treading across the field, he used Nosferatu magic to blend into the shadows and thus go unnoticed. He managed to mount his broom and swoop up right behind Potter, (who was concentrating too hard to notice him anyway) completely unnoticed. He smirked to himself for a few moments before calling out, "No luck yet, Potter? Fancy a little competition then?"
~*~*~
"Accendio!" Harry hexed automatically when he felt a disturbing presence at his back. Turning around, his eyes widened at the fire now engulfing the man's robes. "Aquula!" A stream of water went from his wand to the professor's robes, soaking them and quickly putting out the flame. "Sicco," he murmured, the drenched robes were quickly dried.
Blushing lightly, he rubbed the back of his neck, he couldn't believe he'd just set his former teacher on fire! He shouldn't have reacted so badly. What if it had been a student? "I'm sorry, professor."
~*~*~
"What is it with your lot and setting me on fire?" Severus muttered, fixing his robes with a spell under his breath. Turning back to Potter, Severus merely raised an eyebrow and replied, "It's fine Potter. I'm not dead yet, not for your lack of trying, of course," he added the last bit with a smirk. "Might want to watch your reflex skills, though. Ever thought of a charm to alert you when people are sneaking up on you?" Taking note of a small gleam of gold near the Ravenclaw stands he added, "And as I said earlier--are you up for a little competition?"
~*~*~
No, of course not, because that would have been too practical, Harry thought scornfully. He'd set it into his wards for now on after he looked the charm up. Then he could fiddle around with it until it worked like the glamour spell in his door.
Competition? Who knew Severus could play Seeker? Grinning in anticipation, Harry quickly braided his hair and charmed it to stay put. It wouldn't do to have hair in his face, after all. "Since when do you play Seeker?" He smirked, eerily mimicking Malfoy's old expression.
~*~*~
"Since when do you brew potions, Potter? We all have talents, even if we chose not to execute them on an everyday basis." Severus raised his eyebrow in Potter's general direction, a direct challenge no doubt. "Now are you interested in playing, or not?"
At Potter's nod, Severus only smirked before zooming off after the terribly elusive Snitch, leaving Potter to pursue after him for a second or two.
~*~*~
Leaning over his broom to gain more speed, Harry finally spotted exactly what Severus had been chasing after. The damn Snitch! It had been evading him for quite awhile. Although, it was technically his fault since he'd charmed it to be a bit faster than normal. He'd wanted to rush of adrenaline; he wanted to feel the pull in his muscles after a long day of writing and sitting at his office chair.
The golden Snitch seemed to sense them coming and zoomed upwards towards the sky, Harry quickly changed directions, almost turning at a 90º angle. Severus was close behind, a bit slower on the corner, but he was catching up fairly quickly. Harry had to admit he was impressed.
"Damn!" He cursed when the Snitch zoomed by his cheek, heading back down and behind them. Severus changed directions quickly, cursing, Harry followed. The Snitch seemed happy to just zoom along on a straight path in front of them. Now why hadn't it done that before for him? An idea popping into his mind, Harry grinned and lowered himself even further over his broom.
Going directly behind Severus, he manoeuvred himself slightly underneath, a safe enough distance away that the other man couldn't try anything funny, like wracking him in the head with the end of his broom--it had happened to him once with Malfoy, well, actually, he'd done it to Malfoy, but that was all technicalities.
Spotting the Snitch about two arms lengths away from Severus, Harry sped up, going directly under the other man, before he went even faster and abruptly cut the man off, successfully catching the Snitch as he zoomed upwards. He laughed at the sound of the other man's cursing, something about 'imbeciles' and 'foolish Gryffindors.' A few feet above Severus, he paused, resting on his broom while looking down at the fuming man. Who knew he was such a sore loser?
Mumbling the anti-charm, the braid at his back became undone. Long strands of ebony and white swayed in the wind as he looked down at the professor, smiling brightly. He hadn't felt like this since his last Quidditch game, but Severus was definitely more of a challenge than Malfoy had been, that was for sure.
~*~*~
Severus rose up on his broom to be face to face with Potter, glaring all the way. "You and your dumb luck is really starting to get annoying," he grumbled and Potter just laughed and pocketed the fidgety gold ball. "For someone who *claims* not to have been on a broom in a while, you certainly seemed to get your bearings pretty damn quick." Severus continued to grumble, but he *had* had fun. There was a certain appeal to flying provided there was more appeal in beating a former ungrateful student, something he'd failed to do, but there was still something to be said for flying.
~*~*~
Harry chuckled and shook his head, "Well, I have been out here for an hour or two and since I imagine you didn't just suddenly appear out of nowhere, I can only guess you were watching me the whole time," he stated, raising a brow, almost daring the man to contradict him. He hadn't really *felt* anything until half an hour had passed and he'd finally calmed down enough to chase the Snitch. That was when he'd had that little sixth sense that someone was watching him. He hadn't known whom it was, but he'd kept his senses open enough, just in case, though Severus had still managed to sneak up on him somehow.
"Good game," he grinned, raking a hand through his hair. "You're a damn good challenge," his grin broadened. "If you hadn't had let yourself go by staying inside all the time and brewing potions and reading, you just might have beat me," he smirked teasingly.
Teasing his old professor. Will wonders never cease? He had to admit that it had been bloody good fun. The best he'd had since he'd been in school and more innocent then he was now.
~*~*~
"I admit to nothing. Though Merlin knows you need a keeper. I swear you're addicted to your own adrenalin," Severus responded to Potter's accusations that he'd been watching him. He had a job to do and an unsurprisingly difficult one. It would make no more sense to leave Potter alone too long, than it would to be to leave a volatile potion alone. He'd make things work right if it was the last thing he did.
Shrugging, he continued, "Well, I'm no more fond of it than you are of reading. It has its high points, but generally I prefer my dungeons." Severus mulled the topic over for a moment more before adding, "Though I'd be willing for a rematch any time; next time you won't be so lucky."
~*~*~
Harry grinned at the challenge, "We'll see."
Finally looking around, he noticed that a large amount of time had passed while they had been playing. He yawned into his hand, but he snapped his jaw shut in surprise. He was actually tired for once and he felt like he would be able to sleep without too many nightmares. Merlin, maybe he should do this more often.
Gripping the broom tightly with his thighs, Harry raised both hands to pull his hair back and twist it loosely at the nape of his neck so it would stop blowing around in his face. With the wind starting to pick up, Harry finally realized that it was snowing. While Severus was donning a large winter cloak, Harry only had his button up shirt, that was actually still half undone, and a heating charm, which only did so much for so long.
"Unless you want to stay here, I think I'll be heading back. It's getting colder, and unlike some people, I wasn't smart enough to bring a cloak," he gave a small grin, "I didn't think I'd be out here for this long."
~*~*~
Severus shook his head and mumbled something about thoughtless Gryffindors before turning and starting back for the castle, Potter not far behind. They landed at the same time and walked comfortably beside each other until they reached the dungeon's corridor and the DADA professor's quarters. "Sleep well, Potter. I can't have you falling asleep during meditation tomorrow," Severus tossed over his shoulder with a smirk. Potter just laughed tiredly and waved as Severus disappeared behind a corner to his own rooms.
Severus would later blame it on exhaustion, but as he meandered into his rooms that night and prepared for bed he actually found himself *smiling*, him, *Severus Snape*, in an openly good mood. It was scary to think how long it had been since that happened. He supposed it was due to having a challenging project worthy of his attentions. Plus it had been good to see Potter happy, surprisingly good. He wasn't half bad company, which in itself was pleasantly surprising. The happier Potter was, the better the chance they had of finding him something to fight for and accomplishing all their goals. Severus was actually looking forward to it: that was something new indeed.
~*~*~
Finished with brushing his teeth manually, something he normally didn't do. Nevertheless, the cleaning charms only did so much before you finally had to brush them yourself; Harry sighed and looked up into the mirror for the first time in weeks, wincing in disgust at seeing his reflection.
Running a finger down the long scar on his left cheek, Harry wished he could go back to the way things were. Sure he was stronger and more experienced, but at what price? Wrenching his gaze away from the mirror over the sink, Harry dabbed his mouth on the fluffy white towel hanging on the rack, and exited his bathroom.
As his earlier cheerful mood having almost completely disappeared, Harry sighed and slipped under the white comforter and cream-coloured sheets. Even with his dampening mood, he enjoyed the cool and smooth feeling of the sheets against his stomach.
Pulling the comforter up to his neck, trying to feel secure and comforted, though he knew it wouldn't help, no matter how warm or soft it was, Harry laid his head down on the cream-coloured pillows (there were two, since he liked to have his head raised slightly, and it was good to keep his wand between the two pillows) and closed his eyes, trying not to think of anything. After leaving Hogwarts, he'd practiced Occlumency every night, since he found it a bit easier to fall asleep after doing so. While it did stop some of the nightmares, it didn't stop the flashbacks and nightmares of his past, or even the brief, but vivid glimpses he got into Voldemort's mind as he watched some sick new torture device he'd dreamt up.
For a fleeting moment, he wished he were back up in the air, laughing with Severus, but the moment passed, and he fell into a restless sleep. Pulled down into a deep sleep, due to his extreme exhaustion, he was unable to wake up when another torture session entered his mind. This one of a flashback, something he'd witnessed by taking part, and he still didn't know why he'd even bothered to become an Auror after going through all that training. It was enough to give him nightmares, and that was just the training alone.
Chapter 4: Nosferatu
'He's not here,' Severus muttered inwardly, glancing across the teachers' table for Potter. Granted it was early, but Potter *never* slept in. Severus himself wasn't used to getting up early when he had the option to sleep in, being mostly nocturnal did that to him, but he couldn't fight the urge to check up on his latest 'project'. They'd made some progress last night, but Severus wasn't about to count his chickens before they hatched.
He'd actually taken the liberty of making plans in case things didn't go well again; whether it should be Voldemort, or the fact that Potter simply couldn't form the wand. If that ended up being the case again today, Severus was going to drag him out to a Muggle theatre. He'd honestly never been to such a thing, but as far as his research told him, it was a lot like their moving portraits, only you watched it longer and it supposedly had a plot. Hopefully, that would inspire Potter to be happy and possibly forget about Voldemort for a while. Severus, in fact, intended to drag him out somewhere new every time things didn't go well; to try to boost Potter's confidence and improve his chances of learning the magic quickly.
Glancing down at his half eaten muffin, Severus decided he wasn't really hungry and left. Once he was back in his dungeons he set about the business of lowering the wards, setting out the incense, clearing away the coffee table, and turning on the music. Glancing at the timepiece on the mantel, he decided he'd sit by the fire and read until Potter decided to show up. He summoned one of his favourites, from his bookshelf and lay down on his thick rug with the book propped up in his stomach. As per usual it wasn't long before he was sucked into the words and completely relaxed. Being so, it was quite easy for him to fall asleep.
~*~*~
Setting his wards again, Harry walked down the hallway and turned the corner for Severus' chambers. His big, hunter green hoodie made him feel somewhat warm and relaxed. His stonewashed, dark brown jeans, the colour almost looked like it had been rubbed on by chalk dust, were very comfortable and gave him a lot of movement that his tighter jeans didn't. The colours also helped him to calm down somewhat with their neutral tones.
After putting the long ponytail behind him so it was out of the way, Harry finally reached Severus' doors. Was it just him, or had that seemed to take at least half an hour for a two-minute trip? Shaking his head, the young man knocked lightly. Receiving no answer, he entered and set the wards himself behind him.
Looking around at the room, Harry frowned when he didn't see Severus. "Professor?" a quiet snore came up from the floor. Biting his lip to keep from laughing, Harry walked further in, and sure enough, where the armchair had been blocking his vision of the floor was Severus, curled up on the floor with his book underneath him. Shaking his head in amusement, Harry placed a bookmark in the open page, and sent the well-worn book back to its proper place. Making his footsteps a bit heavier so as not to sneak up on the man because he definitely didn't want to be on the end of a hex this early in the morning since he was still feeling like shit, Harry knelt down beside the dozing professor. Resting a hand on his shoulder, he shook lightly, "Severus, wake up."
~*~*~
'Not an enemy,' Severus mused. He'd rigged the protection charms around his person to slow his attack reflexes if the person approaching him meant no harm. 'Ah, must be Potter,' he mused, stretching slightly and opening his black eyes to meet Potter's brilliant green ones. "Potter," he mumbled, slowly shifting so that he was sitting beside him.
This was embarrassing, but Severus took it in stride. "I didn't see you at breakfast, are you feeling well?" he certainly didn't look it. He had the same tired, war-beaten look he'd had before and it was disheartening to see it return so quickly.
~*~*~
Harry sat back on his bum when Severus moved to sit cross-legged. He shrugged lightly, "I slept in." Not looking away from the obsidian gaze directed at him, a muscle in his jaw twitched. "So, want to try again?" He asked, craning his neck to look at the fire again, before moving his gaze back to the other man.
~*~*~
Severus sighed inwardly, but knew better than to question Potter for it was obvious he wasn't telling the whole truth. It was better to be sneaky and underhanded than straightforward and direct; besides, any other course of action would've been decidedly un-Slytherin.
"Very well," Severus began matter-of-factly, "assume the position, Potter. I'm going at it with you until we get this right."
A few moments later, Potter was facing the fire and leaning comfortably against his back. With a deep breath, Severus began leading Potter through the meditation slowly, with a deep relaxing voice as always. This time he made a note of paying more attention to his power. He'd done some reading on bonds like Potter's to Voldemort and it was quite possible to transfer emotions or curses, so his sadness could possibly not be all his own.
Once Potter began to let out his energies, Severus extended his in an 'I'm-just-looking' sort of way. What he found was both good and bad news. He saw no traces of cursing, probably because both parties would have to be in a meditative state for this to take place, but there was profound sadness there and loneliness. Severus decided then he would have to do something about that.
The meditation ended relatively smoothly, with no surprise visits from Voldemort as far as Severus could tell, but that didn't tell him anything about Potter's ability to form a wand. "Well?" he asked quietly.
~*~*~
Still somewhat uncomfortable after having Severus use his own powers to look into his mind, he felt vulnerable. What was worse, he didn't know what the other man had seen.
Thinking back on what he'd formed, Harry sighed and shook his head. "It's progressed to a sword. I assume that's not good since it's a hell of a lot bigger then a wand and it doesn't even look similar like a dagger does, well, somewhat." Merlin, was he *ever* going to get this right?
~*~*~
Humming thoughtfully, Severus turned his head to look at Potter as well as he could. "Not the best of results. Probably, it would be best to hold off on these meditations for a week and see what other progress we could make."
After a moments pause, Severus ask, "Do you enjoy going to the movies, Potter? There is one theatre not too far from here and I think a field trip would be a good idea to help you relax and not focus so much on past violence.
~*~*~
The movies? He'd heard about them, of course, he had lived in the Muggle world for eleven years and scattered summers, but he'd never actually gone to one and he *really* couldn't see Severus amongst a crowd of Muggles, eating popcorn while watching a movie. In fact, the thought made him laugh.
Tipping his head forward to ease the strain in his back, he replied, "I've never been, but they sound interesting." He had to admit to himself that he did like the idea of going to a dark place and sitting beside Severus, but he was hurt that all this friendliness was coming about because Severus wanted him to win the war, and the only way for him to teach the magic to him, was if Harry had a drive behind it.
He didn't think he'd ever find something to fight for.
~*~*~
"Would you like to accompany me then?" Severus asked, shifting to stand and then helping Potter up. "Judging from what I know of you," he continued while straightening his robes, "You'd probably enjoy the movie production of 'Boy meets Boy.' It's one of those romantic comedies Muggles seem so fond of. Am I correct?" Severus asked, raising a brow. Still sensitive to shifts in Potter's energies because of the meditation, he tipped his head to one side and asked, "Something bothering you, Potter?
~*~*~
Harry shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck to ease some of the tension there. "I'm fine. Just a bit tired." He looked down when Severus stared at him. Shit, hadn't he just said he'd slept in?
Putting his hands in the large pocket at the front of his hoodie, Harry resisted the urge to shuffle his feet like he would have done thirteen years ago. He was an adult now; he really should start acting like one.
"Do you know when it starts?" He finally asked, taking his hands out of his pockets, feeling like he was a student all over again.
~*~*~
Severus glanced at the timepiece on his mantel, trying not to think about how disappointing it was to hear Potter spout all these obvious lies about his well being. "About an hour. Enough time to walk there and get some refreshments should you so desire. We can't Apparate out of Hogwarts and flying to a Muggle town would raise a few eyebrows."
Severus smirked in Potter's general direction as he started to put on his winter cloak. "And seeing as you haven't run screaming from my rooms, I assume the idea sits well with you?"
~*~*~
Harry chuckled at the image of him running out of Severus' rooms, screaming; maybe in the professor's rooms and screaming now *that* idea was entirely plausible. Blushing lightly, Harry stopped that train of thought before it could get too detailed for his libido.
"I just need to grab my own cloak. There's only so much a warming charm can do, after all," Harry replied.
Severus nodded as he put on his boots. They walked together to Harry's chambers, where he had Severus wait outside the door for him. Grabbing his black winter cloak, which was basically like a trench coat, only it was actually warm, and the down on the inside was incredibly soft. Rubbing his scarred cheek against the ebony fur mixed with strands of white lining the collar, he smiled softly at the sensations. He always had loved the feeling of soft, or silky material against his skin, probably something to do with always being around rough materials as a kid.
Shaking his head to rid himself of those thoughts, he buttoned up and finally left his chambers, seeing a slightly impatient Severus leaning against the wall; he shrugged sheepishly before turning to his wards. He tensed when he noticed the other man paying attention to what exactly were in his wards. 'Damn it, the man can probably read my magic really easily now due to the recent meditation.' But would he comment on the glamour spells? If anything, he'd probably think Harry was just being vain, and leave it at that, though for some reason he felt a weird tug at his gut at the thought of Severus thinking so lowly of him. What the hell was wrong with him now?
~*~*~
As Potter probably suspected, Severus *could* read the glamour spell quite easily. He was actually surprised that he hadn't thought to look into Potter's powers *before* they even started meditating, but he had been rather preoccupied recently and Potter would have felt it, even if he couldn't have returned the favour, not knowing Nosferatu magic. He couldn't blame him though. Severus, if he had the ability to retain scars at all, would've been covered with them by now and would've wanted to avoid questions. It was strange to wish he'd take the glamour down, just around him. Severus wanted that kind of trust on Potter's part and at the moment he really didn't know why.
"Are you going to stare at your own door all day, Potter, or are we going?" Severus asked, snarky as usual. Potter turned around with a smile and nodded. Severus nodded back and led Potter out of the castle, out of Hogwarts, and onto a charming side road. The village he was leading him to was small, quaint, and rather a relaxing place to visit for someone like Severus who was mostly a recluse. They walked along together, not saying, nor needing to say anything at the moment and Severus was rather enjoying himself; though he'd never admit it.
Glancing over at Potter he tried to study him discreetly. He knew he was able to relax, that was evident from their romp around the pitch the night before, but to relax to the point where he actually forgot about Voldemort? That would be a problem. Severus sighed mentally and glanced over at Potter again. He was a young, very talented, attractive young man; he shouldn't have to deal with things like this. It was almost funny how easy it was to like him once Severus had agreed to put behind the rivalry he'd so stupidly kept up between them all this time. Oddly enough, Severus found himself wanting Potter to be happy just for the sake of him being happy.
At a sigh from Potter, Severus turned his head to find the DADA professor smiling up into a sudden bit of snow flurries. Without even realizing it, Severus actually smiled - it was small, but it was there - at the charming image before him.
~*~*~
Blinking several times to rid his lashes of snowflakes, Harry looked over at the other man, his eyes widened at the small smile. He returned it, somewhat hesitantly, still awed and surprised that the other man has smiled, at what though, he didn't really know.
When they reached the medium sized theatre, Harry frowned as he realized that he didn't have any Muggle money on him. Looking over at Severus again, he wondered if he had thought to change his wizarding money into Muggle currency. "Do you have enough money on you?" he asked instead, glancing briefly at the passing Muggles that were looking at the pair strangely--they were standing in the middle of the entrance way after all.
~*~*~
"Of course," Severus nodded and promptly paid for their tickets. As they walk along they received a few odd stares, probably for their cloaks, but this was a town with a renaissance exhibit; hence Severus hadn't bothered to change into anything more Muggle. Muggles did seem to have a way of convincing themselves that magic didn't exist after all.
After weaving their way through the lobby, Severus paused by the concession stand and asked, "Do you want anything, Potter?"
~*~*~
Eyeing all the Muggle candy that he'd never been able to have in his childhood, Harry shook his head and glanced away into knowing eyes. Blushing faintly, the young man looked down the dark hallway where a small neon sign read '5', which was the theatre showing their movie, Harry replied, "The movie is probably starting soon."
~*~*~
Severus nodded his head and murmured, "Very well," before leading Potter inside the theatre. It was comfortably small and sparsely occupied, much to Severus' pleasure. They seated themselves somewhere in the middle and Potter avidly watched the previews, while Severus was more distracted by a couple snogging hot and heavy a few rows behind them. One of the more annoying parts of Muggle theatres to be sure. As luck, or a murmured 'Petrificus Totalus', would have it, the couple soon became blissfully quiet.
~*~*~
Harry couldn't believe that the screen was so big! The Dursleys had a fairly impressive TV, but definitely not as big as this. When the movie finally started, Harry leaned back in his chair comfortably, watching the images on screen intently. He felt Severus shift beside him and place his arms on the armrest. Biting his lip, he continued to stare ahead; everything in him was tempted to put his arm near the other man's, but he suspected it would be rejected, so he involved himself into the movie.
Eventually, he really did lose track of everything else. The characters were surprisingly upbeat, and the romance between the two was kind of sweet. Although he didn't think a world where homosexuals and even transvestites were treated equal would ever exist, it was still a nice fantasy.
~*~*~
The movie was actually rather nice, a little strange and far too upbeat to be realistic, but nice. Kind of like Potter, actually, before he'd gotten himself into this whole pessimistic streak. How dare he really, that *was* Severus' job after all.
Eventually the credits rolled and the lights started to come up. Severus was surprised the time had passed so quickly. As tempted as he was to leave the couple he'd cursed where they were, he did take pity on them after the lights were up. He couldn't help snickering to himself as they scrambled to retrieve half of their clothing.
~*~*~
Following Severus up the isle, Harry looked at the blushing couple, just now getting their clothes. He stifled a laugh behind his hand. It was blatantly obvious to him what had caused *that*. "You really are an evil bastard," he muttered, though by the snort in front of him, it was obvious that Severus had heard him.
~*~*~
Severus chuckled and raised an eyebrow in Potter's general direction. "Really, Potter, if they suddenly found themselves unable to move, is that *really* my fault?" he quipped at they exited the theatre. Potter just laughed and shook his head.
The town really did have a homey feel to it, one place Severus, as a notorious recluse, wouldn't mind spending his retirement, when he reached 150 that is. They walked slowly down the street, chatting lightly and generally enjoying each other's company. They passed a quiet little Italian restaurant and suddenly the idea of going back to the Great Hall for dinner wasn't so appealing. It never was, but that was beside the point. Pausing by the entrance, Severus caught Potter's eye and tipped his head in the direction of the restaurant. "Hungry, Potter?"
~*~*~
Looking at the quaint little restaurant, Harry smiled softly and met the other man's questioning gaze, "Since you were bragging about your riches, then the meal's on you." He grinned when Severus snorted and opened the door for him, following close behind when Harry entered.
They entered a small little intersection where the cashier and another person was waiting to seat people. Severus asked for two, and they followed the tall, young man to a seat in the corner. He introduced himself as Adrian, and handed them their menus, asking if they wanted anything to drink, to which Severus replied that he'd prefer the best wine they had, while Harry asked for simple rosemary tea. He didn't have a headache, surprisingly enough, but he did like the taste.
Adrian smiled in reply, writing their orders down on the small legal pad. Harry fought the urge to fidget when the man fixed his dark brown gaze on him and smiled brightly, his short brown hair spiked erratically all over his head in no semblance of order caught the light and revealed strands of dark red. The emerald eyed man smiled hesitantly, but quickly returned his gaze to the table. The waiter brushed up against him as he left, it appeared deliberate and it made Harry flush lightly.
~*~*~
"Don't even think about it, Potter," Severus hissed irritably from behind his menu. "Despite what you may think, I'm not a total recluse; I've been here before. That man is the town's bicyclist, if you catch my drift." Glancing up, Severus noted the confusion on Potter's face and sighed irritably. "He's ridden just about everyone."
Seeing defiance set in Potter's eyes, Severus leveled him with a glare before he could speak. Why was he even doing this? He shouldn't care what Potter did in his personal life. Was it because having a heartbroken Potter to deal with would greatly disrupt their training? Yes, that sounded like a good excuse. "You don't believe me? Watch him. He flirts with anything that moves."
~*~*~
Blushing, both in anger and embarrassment at being read so easily, Harry looked over at the waiter. He frowned when he watched Adrian bend over to pick up a fork, putting his arse in plain view in those tight black jeans, as he bent over in front of an almost salivating man.
Quickly going back to looking at the menu that was in his hands, he decided on a chicken salad with extra crispy leaves, and set the menu down. Bending his head down, he undid the tie in his hair and tucked it into his coat pocket, raking his hands through the wavy strands to let it fall behind him then glanced out the window at the few people walking the streets, "I can take care of myself, professor," he finally said, looking back over at the other man.
Feeling the presence behind him due to the charm that Severus had insisted he put on himself during their little Quidditch game, Harry glanced up and once again met the soft brown eyes of their waiter. Instead of looking down, he looked a bit more closely, and finally noticed the spark of lust and mischievousness lurking in that youthful face.
"Here's your orders, sirs." He glanced at Severus briefly; no spark of recognition in the gaze, Harry resisted the snort. If Severus did come here, the man probably overlooked him. Which meant he had no taste, and Harry didn't really understand why he was going for him, when a perfectly sexy man was sitting right across from him. Albeit, he was glaring at them right now, but even then, he had an intensity about him that made Harry's stomach clench.
Accepting the cup of tea with a nod of thanks, he placed his order, to which the young man wrote down and turned to Severus distractingly, awaiting the other order. Not being able to take it anymore, Harry used a minor spell to shift Adrian over a fraction, so his damn hip wasn't brushing against Harry's shoulder and making him extremely uncomfortable; the waiter didn't notice a thing.
~*~*~
Severus put in his order for pasta and meat sauce, glaring icily at Adrian all the while. The boy wrote it down, taking the time to linger at Potter's side. It was only by force of will, that Severus managed not to hex the annoying man into oblivion. *Just* when it appeared he was about to go to the kitchens with their order, he paused to smile lecherously at Potter and murmur, "I'll get your orders quickly, sirs. And I must say, sir." He glanced at Severus once before returning his attentions to a quickly reddening Potter. "You have a *very* charming son here."
Instead of increasing his glare and possibly cause a second ice age along with the waiter's immediate death, Severus' features shifted into a cruel, malicious smile. "Yes," Severus mused, leaning forward to grasp the strings of Potter's hoodie and pull him in to meet him halfway in a surprisingly deep, slow kiss, which Severus would later tell himself was a momentary lapse of sanity combined with the extreme desire to fuck with the waiter's mind. Pulling back just an inch or so, Severus kept the DADA professor close long enough to murmur, "charming" with his characteristic smirk, before releasing him and sitting back again. The waiter, Severus noticed as he watched him scamper away, was rather pale and probably scarred for life. Excellent.
Turning back to Potter, he found the younger man staring at him, mouth a gape. "What?" Severus smirked raising an eyebrow. "You can't honestly say he doesn't deserve to have his mind buggered with."
~*~*~
With the taste of the other man's mouth on his tongue, Harry frowned at the other man; his surprise quickly switch to anger. "So I deserve to have my mind 'buggered' with?" he asked with a scowl, while fixing his hoodie where the strings had bunched it together.
He couldn't believe the nerve of that man! Sure, he was sexy, but that didn't give him the right to just go kissing him like that to fuck with someone else's mind.
He wouldn't have gone with Adrian anyway. He wasn't into one-night stands, well, not anymore anyway. When he was younger he had heavily dabbled in it, but as he'd grown up he wanted to look for love. Of course, that had all gone out the window when he'd trusted his partners so much that he let his barriers down, including his glamour spell; they had tucked tail and run. No, he was definitely not into any sort of short-term relationship and while he might have been thinking of trying to up their friendship, which was still somewhat fragile, Harry, for one, didn't like heavy public displays of affection, and for another, he didn't like being taking advantage of like that.
To him, any sort of touch meant a lot to him, therefore, a kiss meant a lot to him. Even after oral sex with a man's arse, he still thought a kiss was the most intimate thing you could do. Sure, it made him look like an old sap, but he believed that a thousand emotions could be expressed through one kiss, but, damn it, he believed in it-- romantic notion, or not.
~*~*~
The anger was something he had expected, but the hurt was surprising. He'd never taken Potter for the romantic type, but he'd been wrong. Severus had been that way once himself, but being a Death Eater ended to get *that* out of your system pretty damn quick. It was actually a shock that Potter still thought that way with his new pessimistic streak. With all the cynicism that he possessed, Severus found it charming, no better word for it. Perhaps, he had let his temper get the best of him.
Tilting his head to the side he murmured, "I'm sorry." There was no heartfelt emotion in his voice, but anyone who knew his Snapish tendencies, would know he meant it. "My evil intent was for the waiter. Not you."
He held Potter's eyes, still studying him curiously. Interesting creature. So hopeless, he couldn't think of a good reason to live, yet still a romantic. Severus hadn't allowed himself to hold romantic ideals in over twenty years. That was an odd place for his Gryffindor courage to root itself. Not many people shared his opinion, but to him, if you had seen the horrors of the world and were still romantic, you were either very brave, or very stupid or maybe both. Brave rang truer with Potter though, since he seemed to have learned a thing or two since his school days.
~*~*~
Raking a hand through his hair, Harry looked down, an embarrassed flush spreading on his cheeks again. Once again, he'd overreacted. Now, Severus probably thought he was a fool. "No need to apologize, I just overreacted." He felt the other man's disbelieving eyes on him, but he made no comment for which Harry was grateful.
Harry jumped when a plate was all but thrown in front of him. Looking up, he couldn't help but smirk faintly at the pale young man. He mumbled an apology, either for the throwing or assuming anything; Harry couldn't tell, but he scampered away quickly enough.
Shaking his head in amusement, Harry ate quietly, trying to rid himself of the Potion master's taste. But no matter what he did or how much tea he drank, the man's taste clung to his tongue.
~*~*~
Severus had to bite his tongue not to snicker to himself as the frazzled waiter reappeared again, but somehow he managed. The food was very good, as usual and after successfully scarring three people for life, Severus was feeling quite pleased with himself. Glancing up at Potter, he smirked and asked, "So what did you think of the movie, Potter?"
~*~*~
"Considering you've had your tongue in my mouth, I'm pretty sure it's safe for you to call me by my first name, professor," he replied. He'd always hated how his last name sounded. 'Potter.' It was a name you could spit. All his enemies had referred to him as either 'boy,' or 'Potter'; it would be nice if Severus would stop calling him as such.
Harry thought about the man's original question, "I found the movie fairly good, a bit unrealistic, but it would be a nice thought for everyone to treat each other equally, even though we all know it's not going to happen any time soon, if ever for that matter."
~*~*~
Severus arched his eyebrow questioningly at Potter's statement. It did seem appropriate. They were going to have to work very closely and they had known each other for about 20 years. "Very well," he consented slowly, wondering if he'd ever actually said Potter's first name before, "Harry." He glared when the brat started smirking as if to say, 'There now. That wasn't so hard was it?'
"While the Muggle world seems a bit backwards in their thinking, it's actually not so uncommon in the wizarding world and a great deal more accepted." He paused to take a sip of his wine before continuing, "My great-grandparents on my mother's side were both male."
~*~*~
Harry leaned back in his chair, having quickly finished his meal; it wasn't that large of a salad after all. "Growing up in the Muggle world, it was extremely uncommon, especially where I lived. I figured out a I was gay when I was around eleven and I met Draco Malfoy." He laughed when Severus spit his wine out in his surprise; he savoured the moment briefly since it wasn't often after all that he surprised the Potions master. "I remember thinking he was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen and then he opened his mouth." He smiled when the other man snorted in agreement.
"Of course, having grown up with Muggles, I thought it wasn't common, so I kept my mouth shut the whole time. It wasn't like Ron or Hermione ever talked to me about stuff like that; I didn't know any better. I had a few, well, a lot of affairs with various boys, all in secret, but I never really talked to anyone about what I was feeling. Of course now, I'm comfortable with it, even though I may not be comfortable with myself in general, as you so kindly pointed out when you said my self-esteem could use some improvement."
It was strange to be talking like this with the other man--strange but pleasant. His mood didn't even dampen when he thought of Ron and Hermione. They'd been dead for a few years now, but, until now, he'd never known he could look back on them with fondness instead of sadness.
~*~*~
"Yes, well, we're going to work on that aren't we?" Severus asked, sipping the wine again. "Unless of course you decide to give me a heart attack with more talk of Draco," he added with a glare, but Harry only laughed. It was a nice laugh, Severus observed and not in the slightest bit fake. He doubted Pot-*Harry* did anything halfway.
"How much do you know about male wizarding couples anyway?" Teaching Harry about some of the more interesting points of wizarding life might be another good way to distract him. It might open up a few new options for him in ways to spend his time.
~*~*~
About to respond, Harry stopped, thinking. Actually, he didn't know anything about it. Once again, it wasn't really a subject that was brought up--at least around him it wasn't. Rubbing the back of his neck, somewhat embarrassed, though he didn't know why, Harry shook his head. "I don't know anything. It's not something people talk about and I've been a bit too busy to really get involved in any kind of relationship."
During his Auror career, he'd been too busy with missions and training to actually meet anyone. In his teaching career, the only person he'd met was Severus and, as he'd always thought, while it would be nice to get into a long-term relationship with the man, he doubted Severus wouldn't want him. He'd said so himself that his self-esteem was incredibly low. People in general didn't date if their self-esteem is next to nothing.
~*~*~
Having a clean slate was always a good thing to work with. Harry was very attractive and Severus doubted he would have problems settling down when he found the right man. "Well, you might be interested to know that if you ever do meet Mr. Right and get married, you can have children with him biologically. One of you will have to be pregnant, of course," Severus added with a chuckle. "That will certainly be entertaining on my part should you opt to be the 'mother.'"
~*~*~
Blushing brightly, Harry ducked his head to try to hide his face. When he finally summoned the courage to look back up, his eyes widened when he saw their previous waiter standing not too far away from them, the check in his hand. His face was even whiter then before; damn it, he must have heard the last bit.
"Y-your bill, si-sirs." He stammered, before tossing the paper at them and all but running away. Harry put his head in his hands on top of the table, covering his even redder face.
~*~*~
Severus managed to only chuckle at the waiter's exit and quickly paid. They exited into the brisk evening air and a light snowstorm. It wasn't enough to hinder their walking, but enough to be beautiful. Glancing over at Harry, Severus found he was still blushing and couldn't help but chuckle a little. "I don't know why you're blushing Harry, you'd look just fine pregnant. As I said, it's not an uncommon thing. *Me* on the other hand, if I ever lose my mind and get married, I'll have to hope my husband would be willing to carry the baby because, quite frankly, the idea doesn't appeal to me. I have enough stomach problems as it is."
~*~*~
Blush slowly starting to fade, although his cheeks were still tinted red from the cold wind, Harry looked over at Severus. He was once again reminded of the blood sausage serum that the other man had briefly mentioned. Summoning up his infamous Gryffindor courage, Harry asked, "Is that one of the reasons you drink that blood sausage serum?"
~*~*~
Severus looked over at Harry as they walked with a calm he didn't really feel. "That's the whole reason actually. It doesn't do much to help, but it's better than nothing." Severus prayed desperately that Harry wouldn't persist to question him about it. He *hated* who he was and as of his parents death, Dumbledore was the only one who knew.
All this secrecy wasn't for the adolescent reasons of fearing not being understood: he'd never given a damn what the world thought and he never would. For the magic and power he was proud, but the price that it came with, the weakness, even though it wouldn't kill him like it did so many others of his family, it was a weakness nonetheless, a potentially dangerous one. He was so weak and vulnerable during the new moon and if he wanted any strength at all he'd have to rely on someone else and Severus didn't like trusting people.
~*~*~
Harry sighed and faced forward again. He was hurt that Severus didn't trust him enough to give him the full reason, but that was just stupid, the other man had only just called a truce that had been long overdue and he generally didn't trust anyone, well, except for Dumbledore. Then again, the man knew everything supposedly, so he probably knew about Severus' 'condition.'
Maybe if he let one of his barriers done Severus would trust him more? It would be worth a shot and the rest of their relationship--friendship, whatever you want to call it, would be changed, depending on Severus' reaction. If he was like everyone else, then he would probably avoid, or distance himself once again from Harry. He might just end up staring, as some people who knew of his scars always did.
They walked along in silence, Harry thinking about what he would do, and Severus seemed tense, like he was expecting Harry to interrogate him about the serum. Wanting to put the man at ease, even at the cost of his own uncomfortable feelings, Harry finally broke the silence. "What do you think of people who use glamour spells to hide imperfections?"
~*~*~
'What's this now?' Severus mused to himself at Potter's sudden question. 'Trying to bait me?' was immediately followed by, 'Stop being so cynical. This is *Harry*. He's not that Slytherin.'
"Depends on what imperfections they're trying to hide," Severus drawled slowly. "If they're trying to hide a few extra pounds, I think they're being bloody vain." Severus paused to glance over at Harry again.
"But there is such a thing as a good reason. I often use a powerful one on the Dark Mark in the summer to avoid stares. I don't really give a damn whether or not they believe I'm truly sorry for the mistake I made in joining Voldermort, but it makes avoiding questions so much easier and the last thing I want is too feel like I'm at the Inquisition whenever it gets too warm to wear long sleeves." He looked over at Harry again, smiling very slightly at the image of him covered in snowflakes, before tipping his head to one side and asking, "Why do you want to know Harry?"
~*~*~
Frowning, Harry looked down at the snow-covered grounds, surprised that they'd made it this far already to Hogwarts and sighed. Why was he even worrying about it? Severus wasn't the type to base his feelings on appearances. Hell, he said so himself that he covered up his Dark Mark in order to avoid stares and questions. He would understand why Harry covered his scars.
When he finally looked up, he was surprised to see that they were in the dungeons. He was amazed that Severus hadn't questioned him, but left him to think, rather then badgering him like most people would have done. The other man led him to his chambers, where Harry left the door open in silent invitation, to which Severus accepted. Hanging up their outdoor clothes on the rack beside the door and toeing off their boots, they stepped inside. Severus moved to sit on the sofa, while Harry busied himself with making mint tea.
Placing the tray in reach on the coffee table, Harry sat beside the man, facing him while sitting cross-legged. Not being able to meet the other's gaze anymore, Harry cast his eyes downward. Not wanting and not having the courage to cast it himself, Harry silently motioned the other man to cast the anti-glamour spell, a simple, 'Finite Incantatum'.
It took several seconds before Severus faced him fully, his right foot resting on the ground and his left curled before him. Using his wandless magic, he muttered the spell.
Harry winced at the tingle of magic spreading through his skin, as each scar on his body, including the ones Severus couldn't see, slowly started to appear. He felt more vulnerable then he'd ever been in his life, even when he'd been lying naked on the concrete floor with ten Auror men all around him, watching his progress during the training from behind a look-out in the cell's wall that Harry hadn't been able to see.
~*~*~
That, Severus had to admit, took a lot of trust. He'd didn't have to probe Harry's energies to know how petrified he was, the man was all but broadcasting it. All the way back he'd made a point of not questioning Harry after he'd fallen into a tense silence and now that he knew what he'd chosen to reveal to Severus, he had to admit he admired him for that. He wasn't sure why it meant so much to have this man's trust, but Severus knew it was. There weren't all that many scars he could see, one on his wrists, one on his cheek, one over his eye; his famous scar of course, but he knew there had to be more with all the things Harry had lived through.
While he sat there studying him, Harry has seemed to shrink in on himself, obviously berating himself for his physical appearance. Stupid Gryffindor. Slowly, so as not to startle him, Severus reached out and grasped Harry's chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it so that he could see it clearly. Harry's eyes were clenched shut and the self-hating monologue was all but running over his forehead.
Severus ran his thumb gently down the scar on Harry's cheek, causing Harry's eyes to snap open in shock. Severus just smiled very slightly and said, "Much better." There was a brief pause before he added a small joke, hoping to put the other professor at ease. "You looked far too deceptively innocent with that glamour."
~*~*~
Harry closed his left eye when Severus trailed the pad of his thumb over the scar that was most obvious on his face, even clearer then the lightning bolt scar on his forehead. The jagged scar started half way down his forehead and continued until it created a white line in his dark brow, before stopping, and then continuing on just underneath the hollow beneath his eye, and running down so it curved inwards, reaching the length of his nose.
He couldn't resist leaning into the caress until the thumb reached the end of its journey on the dark red scar, and left him to go back to its owner, where he folded his hands in his lap. Meeting the other's gaze hesitantly, he gave a weak smile at the joke. "With the amount of scars I have, the idea of me being innocent is laughable." He sighed and leaned his head to the side, resting it against the cool back of the ivory coloured chair. "Most people balk at even seeing the white in my hair." Harry looked down briefly. "Thank you for not - well." He shrugged, at a loss for words. Looking back on it now, he didn't know how he could have ever thought that the professor would have been disgusted with his scars. Sure, it made his body look less the appealing, but he would never base his opinion solely on looks alone.
~*~*~
"You're welcome," Severus said quietly, falling into an interior monologue of his own. Harry obviously trusted him; he was sick to death of keeping this secret and he did trust Harry's loyalty. It was almost too easy to trust him and if things didn't go well he could always obliviate him. Fuck it all to bloody hell.
Taking a deep breath, Severus glanced over at Harry before saying, "I suppose if I could get non magical scars, I'd have my own little collection by now." Harry, naturally started at this and after a mental, 'Well, here goes nothing. Damn Gryffindor is rubbing off on me,' he continued. "You see, the branch of magic I'm trying to teach you comes naturally to humans of a certain type of blood line - they're called the Nosferatu. They have their own language, culture, and most live on a magically invisible island in the middle of the Atlantic. This magic comes naturally to them, their children are born knowing how to access it and once they train, they can become some of the most powerful wizards. As you can guess, a wizard with the talent for it, such as yourself, can be taught it, but it comes naturally to Nosferatu. I can teach you because I'm Nosferatu, 1/32 to be exact."
He chanced a glance over at Harry and found him staring back with a look of utter confusion on his face. Severus chuckled without much humor and turned to face him. "Perhaps it's better if I just show you."
Concentrating very hard on a spot on the floor, not particularly wanting to see Harry's reaction, Severus brought forth his fangs easily and, being fangs, they poked through his lips and gleamed in the firelight. "In plain English," Severus said quietly, "I guess you could say I'm a vampire."
~*~*~
Eyes wide, Harry gulped. He'd never seen anything so dangerous or sexy in his life! From what he could see of his eyes, the usually obsidian gaze, was now, if possible, darker, and the irises almost seemed larger too, taking up more space and the teeth impossibly white and laid over top of a full bottom lip. Biting his own lip, Harry hesitantly reached forward, brushing his thumb along the bottom lip in much the same gentle fashion as Severus had done to his own scar. Those impossibly dark eyes flew up to look at him, but Harry's gaze was on the man's lips.
Finally shaking off his daze, Harry looked up and met the vampire's intense gaze. The man was obviously searching for something. What did he think Harry was going to do?
Ah. "Obviously since I haven't run from the room screaming, I'm not afraid of the idea of you being a vampire," Harry said with a small smile, throwing Severus' words back at him from earlier in the day. "Can you tell me some of the history?" he asked, interested to know what kind of culture Severus had and what language he could speak. The only other languages Harry could speak were Parseltongue and Latin, of course.
~*~*~
Severus let out a tiny sigh of relief at Harry's reaction and a small smile formed on his lips. That, he noted in the back of his mind, was happening entirely too often. Again he wasn't sure exactly why, but he was glad to have Harry's approval. On top of that, he was actually curious about him. That was something he hadn't experienced before.
"All right," he said slowly with a kind of accent unique to Nosferatu. Most people thought it was strange and mysterious, but really it was just easier to pronounce their words around their fangs that way. "The island, Awen, is where vampires originated. We evolved probably the same way as any other creature, with our own unique differences. All vampires were 100% vampire until they started traveling. They reside mostly in Europe because Europe on it's own is a little strange and it's easier to fit in unnoticed. There's nothing too interesting about our history really, we tend to keep to the shadows to make it easier to survive.
"Once vampires started breeding with humans, we began to understand how the diluted blood would affect us. Every creature, 1/8th vampire or up, needs blood once a month at the new moon, or they die. For a 1/16th vampire, they only need blood once a year. For a 1/32 vampire, the amount of vampire I have in me, on to the tiniest measurement of vampire blood, we do not *need* blood to survive, but if we do not feed once a month on the new moon, we suffer from terrible stomach pains, as you have witnessed. The rest of the traits of a vampire never change, no matter how diluted the blood. That is because of the strong magic in the blood. We never retain scars, except the magical type. Our hair and eyes are always dark and our skin is always pale. Our pupils can take over their irises to enable us to see in the dark and, as I've already explained, we have a knack for wandless magic. On the few times it might require speech, we speak in our native tongue, Nosferatu, something very similar to Portuguese."
Severus paused here, smirking slightly because Harry's gaze had fixed on his fangs again in a fascinated, rather than disgusted, way. "As for the fangs," he continued, "feeding is not the horrendously painful experience that will turn you into a vampire that common horror movies would want you to believe. On the contrary, being a vampire is genetic, not even a vampire's mate picks up the requirement to feed, although they will pick up a few things if they are human. There are chemicals in a vampire's saliva, when our fangs are out that is, that affect the nerves in the skin so that it is actually quite pleasurable on the part of the donor when the fangs puncture the skin."
~*~*~
Shifting so he was resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in between his hands, Harry asked, "What kind of things do vampire's mates pick up? And why don't you have a donor? I imagine Dumbledore knows, so why can't he give you blood so you don't have to go through those pains?" Tipping his head to the side as he watched Severus, Harry wondered if he'd asked too personal of a question. He didn't know much, if anything, on vampires, so he didn't know what not to pry into.
There'd always been a joke going around school when he'd been in it as a student, that Severus was a vampire. Harry had never believed it, but now, seeing the evidence with his very eyes, he didn't know how he could have missed it.
~*~*~
"Well," Severus began slowly, unnerved at how easy it was to tell Harry things no one else knew. Damn Gryffindor was too easy to trust. "A vampire's mate, if they're a regular human, picks up several things. Perhaps I should start with how a vampire bonds with a mate. It starts with a bite that leaves each mate with a unique tattoo-like mark on their skin, magically unique to their own. Most people would probably assume they would bite their mate on the neck, but that's not true. The neck is just the easiest place to feed from.
"When a vampire chooses a mate though, they bite them on their left shoulder blade. The location is really for three main reasons: It's easy to conceal when in untrustworthy company, it's near a nerve that will allow their mate to feel the bite all through thir body (again this won't be a painful experience at all), and three, it's part of a tradition mocking the old belief that vampires are demons."
Severus sighed and looked to the floor to a moment; that was the easy, impersonal part. Looking back up at deep, green eyes he continued, "It's no secret that I don't trust people Harry. Having a donor requires a great deal of trust on both parts. The reason vampires got such a terrible reputation is that we can make the experience very painful and even fatal when we feed. Another thing is--right before a vampire feeds; it's extremely weak and vulnerable. A simple hex could probably land it in the infirmary for a week; it's sort of the price to pay for the extra power the rest of the time. I don't know how Dumbledore found out since I certainly never told him. In short, I never trusted someone enough to take a donor."
~*~*~
Harry frowned in concern and sympathy. He could understand where Severus was coming from with the whole trust issue. Of course, Harry's scars were insignificant to what the other man had to go through. Like they'd talked about, him hiding his scars was more vain then actually hiding a huge secret like Severus had to.
"I can see why you wouldn't trust Dumbledore all that much," he said quietly, looking down. "When I was younger, he used to be my hero. He was the one that got me away from the Dursleys, even if it was for a few months at a time until summer break, but later I started really thinking about how he *let* me get into trouble. He supposedly knows everything that goes on in this school, if he does, then why didn't he stop me from doing all those things that nearly got me killed?" He shook his head, thinking about the whole stone incident, and then later the Tournament when Cedric was murdered before his very eyes.
"I guess in a way it helped, it made me more ready for the war, even if I was only twelve years old at the time, and it taught me that I really hate being manipulated," he added with a small grin, looking back up. He did feel somewhat bad about showing the other man his scars, in the hopes of getting the man to trust him and tell him the story behind the blood sausage serum, but in the end, it wasn't as bad as some of the things Dumbledore had done to either one of them.
~*~*~
Severus nodded in understanding. "Yes. I'll admit he does good things, but in an underhanded way. I know he's for our side, but it's a little unnerving when you think how similar that is to what Voldemort does, manipulate people to do his bidding. I don't think anyone wants to be a chess pawn in this." Severus paused. "The fact that you recognize that and refuse to be manipulated is what makes you so different from the others and probably why the powers-that-be chose you to defeat Voldemort."
A chiming clock caught Severus' attention and that's when he noticed it was getting on in the evening. "It's late. I shouldn't be keeping you." Severus observed, rising and withdrawing his fangs as he did so. It made little difference to him having his fangs in or out during non-feeding times, but he generally preferred to keep them in. Looking back over at Harry, he nodded politely. "Thank you Harry. For not 'running away screaming'."
~*~*~
He smiled softly at the man standing beside the door. "It was no problem, I assure you, but I have to thank you also for taking me out. I really appreciate it. It's been awhile," more like, 'since seventh year,' "since I was able to have fun like that and for once, not think about the war. Even the kiss wasn't that bad," he added, grinning. Severus chuckled and shook his head.
~*~*~
"I'll see you later Harry," Severus replied as he slipped out of Harry's quarters with one last glance over his shoulder. It was unnerving how quickly what was supposed to be a meditation session and a distraction turned into an evening out with Harry. He had never expected to find a friend in the man but, he supposed more drastic things could happen when he let go a pointless hatred he'd harbored for no good reason. He had to admit the man was good company. For the second evening in a row, Severus ended up milling about his rooms with a smile on his lips.
CHAPTER 5: SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR
Raking his hand through his hair to brush it out of his face, Harry entered the Great Hall. It was early in the morning still, but a few students and most of the teachers were eating leisurely. Sitting in his customary seats by the Potions master, which was unfortunately empty, Harry gave himself some scrambled eggs, a bit of bacon and large glass of apple juice. No matter how long he'd spent away from Hogwarts, or how good he got at cooking for himself, his meals could never compare to that of the house elves here.
"Mr. Potter, it's nice to see you," startled, Harry turned to face the new charms teacher on his left (Professor Flitwick having retired two years before Harry had arrived).
Harry nodded politely, not having the desire to lie and say it was nice to see the other man too. Professor Rose wasn't a bad man, per say. But he just.. well, he rubbed Harry the wrong way.
Rose smiled and ran a hand through his thick and curly light brown hair. "I haven't seen you in awhile Mr. Potter, why don't you show up for meals anymore?" His bright hazel eyes looked up and down Harry's slim frame before meeting his eyes with a small grin. "You're not afraid of gaining weight are you?"
Harry shook his head, "I've been busy."
"Ahh." Rose said with a wink, Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The other man leaned in close, invading the man's personal space. "I could help you to free up your schedule if you like. Maybe we could even go out for lunch at Hogsmeade?" Frowning slightly at the rather forward question, Harry bit his lip, wondering what he should say. It wasn't like Rose was a bad person, but there was something about him that Harry didn't like. At the moment, he was really wishing he had just stayed in his chambers and fixed himself something from the limited supply of food he had there.
~*~*~
"Rose. There's a messenger waiting for you at the entrance of the Forbidden Forest. He says it's urgent and won't come a step nearer the castle. I think you'd better go look into it."
Looking up over Harry's shoulder, Rose met the gaze of a not to pleased looking Potions master. "I have to go then. Sorry, Mr. Potter. Maybe we can finish this up some other time?" Severus coughed impatiently. "Alright, alright I'm going. Honestly," Rose muttered to himself as his moved from his seat and made his way out of the main hall. Severus watched him go and waited until he was out of the Great Hall before taking his seat beside Harry and pleasantly summoned himself up a bowl of assorted berries and apple cider.
"Is it *my* fault if he's *that* gullible?" Severus murmured, turning to look at Harry, who'd been looking at him with a raised eyebrow and something akin to relief.
~*~*~
Harry snickered and shook his head. "At least, it'll keep him busy for an hour." Severus smirked and returned to his meal. Flipping his hair behind him, Harry dug into his meal, eating like he hadn't ate for several days, which indeed he hadn't. He'd only had a few snacks here and there, he'd been way too busy to even eat, but now that he had followed Severus' advice, he found himself with a lot more free time on his hands. He left his apple juice until last, and enjoyed sipping from it and savoring the taste as his plate vanished when it sensed he was finished.
He still had dark circles under his eyes, was somewhat paler then normal (probably from lack of sun then anything else), and he was pretty skinny from lack of food and sleep. But he did feel better. The nightmares hadn't been as bad, and while he'd woken up around midnight with the usual flashback, cold sweat, and close to hyperventilating, the rest of the night had been dreamless.
Taking another sip of apple juice, he leaned back in his chair, pulling his cream colored turtleneck over his stomach where it had ridden up past his dark blue jeans.
~*~*~
"Yes," Severus drawled, "with any luck he'll meet up with that randy waiter and they'll fight over you in the Forbidden Forest. We'll be rid of both of them in one full scoop." Harry, naturally, shot Severus an incredulous look, but Severus used the sudden arrival of the post to ignore him.
Today was the 15th, which meant the Order sent out a general update: the letters were magically bound only to open to the specific magical signature of the recipient. They rarely met more than once a month unless they thought there was something they could do to pin point and stop Voldemort, or at least his plans. Sadly, most of the time the reports were just of new killings. Both Harry and he got the same notice: Voldemort was moving and fast. Whole towns were disappearing now, three since the beginning of the school year and more to come no doubt.
This was his first significant move since Harry's last battle with him the previous June. It was an endless cycle with him wasn't it? A near defeat in June followed by a tense Order meeting the next late fall. The meetings built in intensity and they came *so* close to killing him off, only to have him slip away again. This meeting, to be held at Grimmauld Place on November 20th, looked like the first of many frenzied meetings to come; hopefully, this would be the last needed meeting for both of them.
They shared a twin glance of weariness about the whole issue, before moving onto the second letter that they had also both received. This one was a great deal more cheerfully wrapped up and was an invitation for them to go to some benefit in Dumbledore's name; of course, it was this afternoon. How very much like their headmaster not to give them much notice. Severus huffed and glared at the invitation. He hated these formal affairs with a passion; way too crowded with drunkards. He glanced over at Harry; if the DADA professor were going as well, things would not be entirely horrifying.
~*~*~
Harry sighed, looking down at the invitation. He really hated going to these parties. Too many people in one place for his comfort, he always got jumpy in a room full of people. Then again, Harry looked over at the other man; he probably wasn't the only one that hated going to these things.
Looking at his watch, he sighed again. 11 am. That would give him enough time to shower and change into more formal wear. Drinking the last of his apple juice, with a small bit of regret at not being able to savor it, Harry brushed a hand against Severus' back in silent parting and headed off to his chambers. He could always wear those dark green robes with the high collar and silver wolf hooks: they were comfortable compared to old-fashioned wizarding robes.
~*~*~
He didn't smile, but Severus' eyes did soften a little as he watched Harry go. Having Harry there would help keep Severus from hexing everyone. He lingered a little longer before also making his way down to his rooms to shower and change; oblivious to the amused pair of eyes that watched both him and Harry leave behind a notorious pair of moon shaped glasses.
The shower and change routine didn't take very long and soon Severus was striding down the dungeon halls in sleek, form fitting dress robes trimmed in silver with silver wolf hooks. The hooks weren't common to the brand of robe, but he'd needed the robes taken in after the first fitting and the woman's dogs had swallowed his buttons. As a way of making amends she'd offered the wolf clasps; something left over from a custom job or something. That combined with his shoulder length hair (always too long to look very neat when worn down and too short to be tied back.) made him look rather roguish.
Pausing in front of Harry's door, he knocked sharply and stepped back to wait for a response. No sense in leaving separately and brooding the whole way there if he could enjoy good company even if they only had to walk out of Hogwarts and apparate.
~*~*~
Stopping in surprise, Harry frowned and crossed the room, opening the door he grinned, "just a sec," before leaving the door open and turning back inside to grab his boots. Lacing up his usual military style boots, Harry walked out, quickly warded his door and headed down the hall, Severus easily matching his pace. Pulling his hair out of the high necked collar of the dark green robe he'd decided to wear, Harry charmed it to weave into a neat braid, securing the end with a silver dyed leather tie.
Turning to glance at Severus, he raised his eyebrows in surprise when he found himself on the end of an intense look. "What?"
~*~*~
"Nothing," Severus said quietly, looking forward again as they cleared the walls of the castle. "You just look very good in green. It brings out your eyes." Severus smirked and pretended not to notice the faint blush that crept over Harry's cheeks at his compliment.
Once they'd cleared the gates, Severus nodded once to Harry before apparating with wandless magic. Gold was the first thing he was aware of when his vision focused. The invitation had given the exact location of an underground wizarding ballroom in London and Dumbledore hadn't been joking when he said it was extravagant. The entire hall was decorated in glittering ornate gold and cream-colored walls with thick, red tapestries, a carpet to match, and large dance floor. Gryffindor colors. Severus proceeded to glare harshly for another thirty seconds or so before soft laughter over his shoulder alerted him that Harry had arrived.
"And what, may I ask, is so funny?" Severus drawled, praying the dance comity-looking woman heading in their direction wasn't, in fact, looking for them. He was dressed and he was here. He was *not* performing whatever stunt Dumbledore might have agreed to.
~*~*~
Harry broke off in a snicker and walked up to stand beside the other man. "You wouldn't believe how out of place you look here." He smiled when Severus looked over at him with a raise brow. "Hey, at least you'll be easy to find." He grinned back and looked ahead of them, his grin quickly fading into a frown. "What the hell do they want?" The professor next to him snorted.
~*~*~
The woman approaching was short with blue eyes and black hair. She somewhat resembled a weasel in Severus' opinion. "Severus Snape and Harry Potter; excellent! I've been looking all over for you! We can't start the event without the opening dance. How nice of you two to volunteer to lead this thing off instead of Dumbledore and McGonagall."
"What are you talking about?" Severus snapped, as the surprisingly strong women unceremoniously dragged them both through the crowd and towards the dance floor.
"The opening dance silly! You and Harry are going to start the evening with the traditional waltz; didn't Dumbledore explained this to you?"
The annoying woman barely gave Severus enough time to mutter, "oh for the love of Merlin!" Before shoving him and Harry on the floor and then clearing the way so they had the entire dance floor to themselves.
To one side, Severus had a crowd of expectant faces, to the other a band ready to strike up the music when he was ready to dance. "Well, it doesn't appear as though we have much choice in the matter does it, Harry?" He asked, swearing under his breath that teacups would be the least of Dumbledore's worries when they got back to Hogwarts. "Shall we then?" He asked, extending his hand to Harry's. Noting the man's somewhat frightened expression, Severus smirked and dropped his voice so only Harry could here. "Relax; I know the dance. Just follow me and try not to maul me too badly by stepping on my toes."
~*~*~
Glaring slightly, Harry put his left hand in the Severus' hand and lightly placed a hand on the man's shoulder. "I know how to dance, I just hate all these people here," he mumbled, glancing around at the people surrounding them, all dressed up in bright and flashy clothes. Severus and he stood out with their darker choice of colors.
He relaxed somewhat when the older man rested his hand in the small of the shorter man's back. Harry sighed and stared straight ahead to avoid looking at the other people, instead, letting his vision be filled by a very broad, black clad chest and silver buttons that looked oddly familiar. "Hey, where did you get those buttons?" He grinned slightly when Severus misses a small step in their movements at the sudden question. "Can't talk and walk at the same time, professor? And here I thought you were the master of multi-tasking." He grinned cheekily when Severus glared down at him as he quickly went back to the steps of the waltz. Harry easily followed along, having learned how to dance while he was an Auror so he could fit in at dinner parties and mingle enough before he was able to deftly spill a few drops of poison in someone's drink.
~*~*~
"I had the suit taken in and the woman's dog ate my buttons. These are replacements. Left over from a custom job which." He paused to spin Harry, just to see if he could keep up and though he did, the look of mild surprise on his face was worth it. "I'm assuming was yours?" He finished, glancing down at Harry's own buttons. At Harry's nod, Severus shook his head. "I'm nice to you for less than a week and we're already dressing alike."
Harry's chuckle was brought to an abrupt halt as Severus, ever unconventional, dipped him near to the floor as the song ended. Severus smirked down at Harry's wide-eyed expression, as he held the dip. "What's the matter Harry?" He asked before slowly pulling him up, "afraid I'll drop you?"
~*~*~
Harry grinned and looked up at the other man, who seemed to tower over him from the close proximity. "I don't know, you might just take it into your fancy that it would be funny to drop me in the middle of a crowded room while you're *trying* to dip me." He smiled when Severus snorted and shook his head.
The Potions master looked down to comment, but suddenly stopped, looking strangely into Harry's eyes. Shifting nervously, Harry glanced down under the intense stare. "Now my hair probably has dust on it from the floor," he spoke up, breaking the tense silence. He backed up to fix said braid, pulling it down in front of him so he could dust off the faint glitter from the woman's clothes that had fallen to the floor (they always seemed to put too much sparkle on their bodies). Before Severus could reply, Dumbledore broke in.
"Excellent dance, professors." He looked over at the light flush on Harry's cheeks, before reaching over and patting his head as though he were a child. "Looking embarrassed as ever I see." He chuckled when the blush deepened. "Well, I'm off to start my speech." Dumbledore smiled at the two men, the damn twinkle in his eyes making Harry remember that his embarrassment was the old man's fault, probably playing matchmaker again. He tipped his head to them and quickly walked to the front of the room to deliver whatever speech he was going to give, before Severus had a chance to snipe at him.
~*~*~
Lack of a target didn't stop Severus from being snarky, however. "I see he did get here after all. Honestly, why did he not just arrive late? Most wizards bend over backwards to please him." He paused, glancing over at Harry, before continuing. "Personally I don't think I own enough tea cups to deal with him more than is absolutely necessary."
At this point the crowd started to make it's way onto the dance floor and Severus took that as his queue to make a b-line for the nearest shadowy corner to hide in, Harry hot on his heels. "You don't suppose Dumbledore would notice if we left early?" Severus asked; once they were a safe distance from the mass of people.
~*~*~
While Harry stood out a bit more in the corner, with his Auror training, he was able to make himself less noticeable. Severus almost melted into the shadows, probably the whole vampire magic thing. Looking over at the other man, Harry replied, "and if he does, what does it matter? We're only here for appearance." His gaze drifted over the crowds. God, how he hated large rooms like these. They always appeared smaller with this many people in it and it reminded him of the dinner parties where he'd had to get close enough to his targets to slip the poison into their drinks.
~*~*~
"Let's go then," Severus said, smoothly pressing a hand to Harry's shoulder and apparating them away. Unfortunately, when they appeared at their destination just outside of Hogwarts, Harry collapsed against Severus from lack of balance that comes from not being prepared for a sudden surge of magic. Severus himself hadn't recovered from the apparition and when Harry stumbled into him, they were sent tumbling back onto the thin layer of snow on the ground. "Sorry," Severus murmured once he'd gotten his bearings back, "I suppose you weren't expecting that?"
~*~*~
The wind knocked out of him from the harsh landing, Harry caught his breath before opening his eyes. "No, I totally expected to be standing one minute and flat on my face the next," he snapped, though it lacked some conviction with the way his cheek was laying against the man's chest and his body was resting in between the man's bent legs.
With the faintest blush on his cheeks, Harry leaned up slightly, looking down at the other man. "This was definitely not one of your more graceful moments," he said gravely, nodding his head and raising a brow at the man beneath him.
~*~*~
"Oh sod off, Harry," Severus said, shifting out from under him and then helping him up. "I'm precise, but I never claimed to be graceful."
~*~*~
Harry grinned and accepted the hand up, clasping it longer then he needed to, before letting go. Looking over at the large castle, Harry sighed and started walking, Severus close beside him. He muttered a spell, and shivered at the feeling of his hair unraveling and finally flowing free in the wind.
Tucking the silver tie into his pocket, Harry looked down at the snow-covered ground distractingly, thinking about the waltz they had shared. It had been odd, since he had been trained to dance with woman, but he'd found it easy to allow Severus to take the lead and he had to admit that he liked the closeness. He hadn't felt the least bit nervous with the other man being a head taller then him and his nervousness of the crowd had faded while they'd danced.
Harry sighed and looked up at the softly falling snow, blinking away the flakes that landed on his shoot black ashes.
~*~*~
Severus glanced over at Harry as they walked, smiling slightly at the image of him blinking snow from his lashes. It had been so long since he'd felt safe enough to smile, however slight it was, around someone else. He had to admit he liked it.
He had originally planned on finishing up some paperwork in his chamber that afternoon, but suddenly that didn't seem like such an appealing option anymore. Not to mention it was only snowing softly and reliable sources had recently and repeatedly told him he needed to get out more.
"Harry," he said, gaining the other man's attention, "would you like to go flying with me this afternoon? I've started to feel a little restless staying down in the dungeons *all* day; naturally I blame you for it."
~*~*~
Harry grinned and nodded, "I'd like that. I don't think I feel up to another competition though," he added, smiling slightly. He just wanted to relax and maybe let off some excess energy by flying around the pitch and while he had planned on doing that anyway. Since he was caught up on all his work, Severus' company wouldn't be too bad. Hell, if he was honest with himself, he was looking forward to it *more*, simply *because* Severus would be there. Now that was a strange thought indeed.
~*~*~
"That's what I had in mind actually," Severus replied innocently, "after dragging you back and forth across the dance floor, that rematch will have to wait for another day." Harry, naturally, swatted at him because of this, but Severus just laughed.
At length they came to Harry's chambers and paused to say good-bye. Touching Harry on the shoulder for a moment Severus said, "I'll see you in a bit then," before turning and walking back to his own rooms, smiling slightly.
~*~*~
Smiling softly at the strange tingling sensation surrounding his shoulder, Harry stepped into his rooms and got into something a bit more comfortable. Going for his Gryffindor red winter robe, and black trousers. Not bothering to tie up his hair, since they weren't competing or anything, Harry reset his wards and pausing for a second to contemplate it, he finally let down the glamour spell enough that only the people he wanted to see his scars could see them, meaning only Severus would be able to see them, in case they ran into anyone else on their way out. While he felt a bit more vulnerable with his scars showing like this, he did feel somewhat comforted in the knowledge that it was only Severus, and it wasn't like everyone could see them.
Heading to the man's chambers, he lent against the opposite wall, crossing his arms in front of him, his Firebolt tucked into the crook of one arm as he waited for Severus.
~*~*~
"Ah, there you are. Good, now I don't need to go looking for you." Severus, with a small smile, stepped into the hallway in his predictable black robes and a cloak to match so the winter chill wouldn't get to him as he flew. "Come on, then." Severus led the way down the narrow dungeon hallway to the castle exit, his broom in one hand. As they crossed the threshold the sun peaked through the clouds for a moment, reflecting of the snow sharply and electing a decided non-human hiss from Severus. "I'm glad you find this amusing, Harry," he muttered as he tried to see through a squinted gaze before the sun diapered behind a thick layer of clouds again.
~*~*~
Harry grinned, not even bothering to hide his snickering. "I thought sunlight didn't affect you?" His grin widened. "Maybe you should get sunglasses." Severus looked over at him as though he were insane, making Harry laugh and shake his head. "Never mind, it's a muggle thing. You'd still look good in them though. Like my old glasses, only they're opaque, and usually a different color."
~*~*~
"It doesn't really *affect* me." Severus glared up at the sky. "It's just difficult for me to see when it gets very bright out. The downside of having unusually large pupils. Some people have noticed it before, when a cloud passes over the sun on a bright day my eyes open more fully. I think that's how 'the Potions master is a vampire' thing got started." Severus chuckled. "It's light colored irises like blue and green that are more sensitive to light in humans, so I have to hand them credit for knowing *something* about how to recognize a vampire," he drawled as they approached the pitch.
~*~*~
Harry gave a small grin in amusement, shaking his head as he murmured, "like I said, sunglasses would do wonders." Really, he couldn't get the image of Severus in one of those black, reflective glasses; slightly dangerous, and very sexy.
Shaking his head to rid himself of those thoughts, Harry straddled his broom and kicked off, followed quickly by Severus. They circled leisurely around the field, before Harry broke off with a small grin, to which Severus just shook his head and waved his hand for him to go, and Harry was off. Speeding around the pitch at break neck speed, occasionally dipping down and going high up before repeating the process all over again. He could hear the faint sounds of Severus murmuring about 'idiotic Gryffindors,' but he didn't pay him any mind, and instead, enjoyed the wind in his hair, like a lover's caress riding its way through the thick strands.
~*~*~
Severus watched with mild amusement and much fumbling at Harry's antics, until Harry saw fit to stop looping about and circle the field by Severus' side again. Severus looked over at him, laughing a little at his foolish grin and windblown hair. "Just mind you don't take out any of the stands again," he murmured reminiscing about Harry's last game as Gryffindor seeker. He and Draco had gotten into a horrible battle over the snitch until it was an all out war and managed to take down two unoccupied bleacher stands in the process.
~*~*~
Harry frowned, remembering how tense he'd been that day. Knowing he would soon go into Auror training, and yet not wanting to leave Hogwarts. His only home. Of course, when Draco had pushed him into a stand, his control had snapped, and he'd quickly retaliated, until they'd been fighting over the snitch like a couple of dogs.
His frown deepened, remembering his first day of training and how it was nothing like he'd expected, but he'd stuck with it and although he'd regretted the things he had to do, at least he was more powerful because of it.
~*~*~
Severus saw Harry's mood dampening and quickly endeavored to change the subject. No doubt he had a lot of pressures on him at the time of that last game. That year and the one to follow as an Auror couldn't have been the most pleasant times for him.
"Have the suggestions I offered about taking care of the paperwork while teaching helped at all? It looks as though you've been getting more sleep; you have more color in your cheeks." Severus pause before joking, "I was worried you were after another one of *my* jobs. Being the palest creature in the castle next to the ghosts. Honestly, with the pessimism and the refusing to go out, all you'd need is my attitude and you could replace me entirely." Severus eyed him warily, but too overdramatically for it to be considered real suspicion, he was more discrete then that.
~*~*~
Harry laughed and shook his head. "Nah, I'm not sexy enough to replace you." Severus mock growled and moved to swipe at his head, but Harry quickly ducked out of the way and moved to his other side. Grinning softly, he continued, "you never could take a compliment."
Pausing to really *think* about the situation that Harry and Severus flying around the pitch leisurely, laughing (well, on Severus' part it was more like a quiet chuckle) and goofing around. He *never* would have thought things would turn out so well. Sure, he'd thought about the professor, plenty of times while out of Hogwarts, but he'd never really imagined that it would be possible to get on the man's good side.
Smile totally gone to be replaced by a thoughtful frown, Harry looked over at Severus. "Why did you hate me anyway? Surely it just wasn't because I reminded you of my father? I disliked you, (since I won't go as far to say I hated you, that was saved for Voldemort) because you reminded me of my uncle and the way he treated me. You were a bit more wordy, I'll give you that, but then again, it wasn't like my uncle was the smartest apple in the barrel." Seeing Severus confused expression, he said off hand, "muggle expression."
~*~*~
Severus sighed deeply before beginning his explanation. "I never really hated *you* Harry; I just took out all my hate on you." At Harry's mildly confused expression, Severus continued, "I was very bitter. I don't make a habit of opening up to anyone really and I had many unresolved issues that I had great difficulty working through. I was angry at my parents for not helping me when I needed it, I was angry at myself for allowing Voldemort to sway me originally, I was angry that I had to deal with murmurs of distrust from the students I was risking my life to protect, and I was angry that I couldn't spy for Dumbledore at the beginning of this second war."
Severus paused for a moment, trying to wrap is head around why it was so easy to talk to Harry. He didn't judge people; that was one quality Severus admired above all others, though he'd never really admit it. "In conclusion." He looked back at Harry. "I was, and still am, angry and bitter and I took it all out on you. I'm sorry for that. The last thing you needed then was another headache. I must be improving though since I'm getting along well enough with you now." There was no excess emotion in Severus' voice, but it still wasn't an easy thing for him to trust people and he trusted Harry. He could only assume the Gryffindor had cast a cheering charm on him, or something like that, but he really couldn't be bothered to care.
~*~*~
Harry grinned and jokingly bumped into the other man with his shoulder, making him scowl at him. "Nope, you haven't changed a bit, I'm just more tolerant of your bastardliness." Severus snorted and stuck his big nose up into the air, making Harry snicker.
Winkling his nose when a large, cold snowflake landed on the tip, Harry looked up and finally noticed that it was snowing fairly hard, but they'd been too lost in their own minds and each other to really notice. Looking over at Severus, he motioned towards the sky, to which the man replied by flying down. Harry smiled softly and followed.
~*~*~
"It's a little early in the year for snow like this," Severus commented as they clamored back into Hogwarts and shut the door against the wind. Just as they were heading downstairs and making their way towards Harry's quarters, they stumbled upon an interesting little house elf.
"Oh, Mr. Harry Potter!" it chirped, "Dobby had noticed that you was out, sir, and Dobby is knowing it's very cold out there. So Dobby has left hot chocolate in your room, sir."
Severus tipped his head to one side and studied the elf before glancing over at Harry. "Friend of yours?"
~*~*~
Harry smiled gently and looked down at the large brown eyes of the house elf. "Thanks, Dobby, I appreciate it. Can you make one for the professor?" He turned to face the other man. "That's if you'd like to come in?" He asked, running a hand through his hair to untangle, and quickly wiped his hand on his robes when he realized that his hair was soaking wet now, same with Severus'. 'Damn, but that man looked hot with wet hair imagine what he would look like with water dripping down his- enough Harry!' He blinked sharply, trying to dislodge the image of a naked Sev- damn.
~*~*~
"I wouldn't be adverse to the idea," Severus replied as Dobby nodded his head vigorously and ran off to get more hot chocolate. Harry smiled fondly after the tiny retreating creature before they resumed walking down the hallway.
It wasn't long before they were both seated in front of Harry's fireplace and sipping hot chocolate. Setting his cup down for a moment, Severus stretched and sighed. It was really nice to be able to relax a little bit for once. It had been so long since he'd really been able to do it. Glancing over at Harry, Severus had to admit that he was perhaps the most stubborn person he'd ever known. 'It would take no less for you to be dragged out of the dungeons three times in as many days,' he thought to himself.
It was at that point that Harry noticed he was being watched and turned his head to smile at Severus. 'He really puts too much emphasis on those scars,' Severus mused, returning the smile slightly. 'They don't detract from his looks at all and as far as I'm concerned, nothing could with those deep eyes.' Severus immediately stopped his train of thought and returned to staring into the fire again. They had a lot of work to do between them and it wouldn't do either of them any good if either one of them was distracted.
~*~*~
He couldn't help but tense when he sense the other man looking at him. Returning the stare, he was put at ease when Severus met his eyes, instead of staring at his cheek where the most obvious scar was, as his past lovers had done when they'd seen it. Then again, Severus was the only one that hadn't run away from him when he'd shown it and no one else had ever touched it either. He returned the smile before going back to gazing into the fire, flicking his hair away from his face again for the fifth time in a span of two minutes. Now that it was wet, the usual waves in his hair were curling even more, becoming a nuisance to the sensitive skin on his neck.
Sighing, as he once again, tossed his hair away from his face, Harry set his half empty cup on the table, left the room to go to the bathroom and got two towels. Drying his hair thoroughly, he brushed it out so it was its' usual wavy self, only a bit damp, and took the other towel into the sitting room after depositing the used towel in the laundry basket. Going up behind the professor, who was still staring intently into the flames, Harry lent down and asked, "you mind?" The obsidian eyes snapped back to meet his, he'd obviously just been disturbed out of his thoughts. He looked at Harry for a few moments, before giving a brisk nod and going back to staring at the fireplace. The young man shook his head in amusement and gently began drying Severus' hair, making sure not to go too much in front of his face so he could continue to watch whatever he was watching.
~*~*~
Severus smiled softly into the fireplace as Harry dried his hair. He was unused to people doing things for him, but he had to admit it was nice. He didn't let people touch him often, thus whenever he happened to agree to it, it took up the majority of his attention. From what he knew of human psychology, humans, being social creatures, needed a certain amount of touch, or they, metaphorically, starved for it. Victims of this 'skin starvation' as the muggle doctor had put it in her book, didn't often agree to be touched, but when they did it was intoxicating. He wasn't sure if he absolutely agreed with her, but it was an interesting theory. He wouldn't be surprised if Harry was the same way, being robbed of almost all of his friends and family and having to face death like he did.
~*~*~
Finished drying Severus' hair, Harry took a brief second to pass his hand through it, using it as an excuse to feel if the hair was dry, when really, he just wanted to feel how thick and soft that other man's hair was. Not being able to stall any longer, Harry grabbed the towel and headed into the bathroom again, tossing it into the laundry, he went back out with his dark blue and round brush.
Leaning over the back of the chair slightly, Harry gently bent the dark head forward, ran the brush through the shoulder length tresses and smiled when the man gave an involuntary shiver. He'd never had his own hair brushed, washed, or dried by anyone else, but he could imagine it felt good, at least, if Severus' reaction to it was anything to go by.
~*~*~
Severus let Harry turn his head while he brushed it, enjoying how nice it felt (which was a surprise). When he felt a hand run through it again, he knew Harry was done and tilted his head back to meet emerald green eyes with a smile. "Thank you," he said quietly. He probably should bring up Harry's magical training, or the Order meeting right about then, but he couldn't really bring himself too. It was so rare when anyone got a moments peace these days and he decided instead to enjoy Harry's company. Voldemort and his war could wait until tomorrow.
~*~*~
"My pleasure," he replied, even quieter, twirling his fingers in the strands near the nape of Severus' neck, causing him to shiver again. Finally making himself break away, Harry went to the sofa and plopped himself down on the ivory colored cushions. Laying his head back against the armrest so he could look out over the coffee table and into the flames. Casting a warming spell on his cup, Harry started sipping the hot chocolate again enjoying the silence and company of the other man.
After he finished drinking, Harry set the cup gently on the glass counter top of his coffee table (there was a charm on it to resist spills and rings), and settled back against the corner of the couch, facing Severus' armchair that was close enough to his feet that if he reached out he could just touch the side of the chair.
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Obsidian eyes glanced at him, before returning back to the fire, grunting something along the lines of, 'I might not answer,' or something like that. "Have you ever had any boyfriends or girlfriends?" He felt a small twinge of something, in the pit of his gut, jealousy? He didn't have a right to be jealous, considering he wasn't even in a relationship with the man although he wanted to be. Severus would never go for it anyway, but he was curious if the professor had been with anyone else.
~*~*~
Severus glanced back at Harry in surprise and then back to the fire. He should have minded, but he didn't. Damn Gryffindor. "I've never had a girlfriend, no. I rather prefer my own sex, like you. I was friends with your mother though and took her to a Yule ball once, as a friend, when your father was away. That was probably what motivated the shrieking shack incident."
Severus paused, not sure if he was inclined to continue and then glanced in Harry's direction again. He saw nothing but an intent listener. Damn him. "I've had 'relations' with other men (being a spy has it's less then pleasant moments.), but nothing I would consider a romantic attachment. One came close, but I allowed myself to trust someone dangerous implicitly and was betrayed. So, as you might guess, I've never been truly encouraged to take on a lover."
~*~*~
Harry sighed and stared up at the dark blue ceiling, snow falling down about half way until it vanished. "I used to have a lot of 'relations', to use your word, with men when I was a bit younger, and in the start of my Auror career, but after I got more scars, I found that it was hard to take anyone to bed because of them because as soon as they saw them." He sighed and closed his eyes, remembering the look of disgust on all their faces, until he finally gave up and stopped getting close to people and started using a glamour charm. "They'd make up some bullshit excuse and leave. It took awhile before I finally figured out that I wouldn't ever find a lover that wouldn't judge me on my scars, or my Boy-Who-Lived status."
He opened his eyes and looked over at Severus, blushing lightly when he found the other man's gaze fixed on his face. "I didn't have it as bad as you, since luckily, none of them ever betrayed me. If they had, my scars would have been public knowledge a long time ago. But at least you learned the first time. I just kept making the same mistake over and over again before I finally clued in." He said scornfully. He didn't really know why he was telling Severus all this; it wasn't like he'd asked, or cared for that matter, but it did feel nice to finally talk to someone else.
~*~*~
"Anyone who judges you for your scars, Harry, doesn't deserve your attention. However ill I may have thought of you over the years, I've always known you were better than people like that. You showed that by turning away from Draco." Severus was tempted to look back into the fire, but Harry was looking up at him now and he held his gaze.
"On the contrary, I don't think avoiding getting close to people at all is a good idea. I'm not any fonder of crowds than you are, but I know enough of human nature to know that everyone needs someone. A weakness exploited far too often, but it's still true." Severus paused for a moment before adding, "besides, I highly doubt you'll give up on men forever. You have too much optimism in you for that. Not to mention you've managed to make friends with the evil Potions master; thus clarifying the extent to which you can and will be stubborn."
~*~*~
Harry smiled slightly. "Optimism? Wasn't it you saying that I had enough pessimism in me to take over your job? And it isn't like you're an evil bastard." He grinned cheekily.
His expression sobered when he thought about what Severus had said. "There are very few men out there that don't base their opinions on looks. Who would want a long-term lover if they bore scars and lots of emotional baggage? Unless I keep my glamour spell on at all times, I highly doubt I'll find anyone and as I've already said before, people don't like going out with someone who has next to no self esteem, or is on the top ten of Voldemort's list."
He sighed and looked away from that intense stare. "Sorry, I'm getting all self-pitying again. Feel free to leave at any time, I won't be offended," he continued, sweeping a hand vaguely towards the door.
~*~*~
"You've had real friends before Harry. Didn't they ever teach you that you don't leave someone you care about when they need comfort? Because it doesn't appear to be a lesson any of those men who left you knew." Harry was smiling sadly, but he still hadn't looked up so Severus stood, crossed to him, and put a hand gently on his shoulder. This, slowly, gained him eye contact. "Besides, I'd rather see you happy and arrogant," he paused briefly and added with a small smile, "that way I can know my job is safe for good." He finished, squeezing Harry on the shoulder supportively.
~*~*~
Harry smiled softly and pulled up his legs, where Severus quickly sat, pulling the younger man's legs over his lap before Harry could even turn to sit up properly. His smile grew at Severus' down turned face. "I don't think you'll ever see me arrogant, but I think I can come pretty close to being happy. What about you professor? You're already arrogant, and at least you have something to back up those words, but are *you* happy? I just might have to turn around this little project of yours of trying to make me happy and have something to fight for, and give you something to be happy about." He grinned at Severus' surprised look. "Did you really think I didn't get what you were doing?" He snorted, "I'm not that stupid."
~*~*~
Grumbling something about Gryffindors under his breath, Severus replied, "that doesn't make my efforts any less sincere." He sighed then, before addressing Harry's question. "I know what I want at least. Right now, that's enough for me."
~*~*~
Harry frowned, sitting up slightly, his heels digging into the couch close to Severus' right thigh. "And what do you want? Books and potions? It doesn't sound like something that can make you happy in the long run, and not just a few minutes, or hours." He said, somewhat sadly, thinking of a future Severus, sitting at home alone and reading by himself. It was an image that made his heart ache; he wanted to take care of the other man's obvious loneliness, help him become happy and find him something that he wanted that would last a lifetime. Harry wanted Severus to be happy and that was enough for now...
~*~*~
Severus snorted humorlessly about Harry's statement on books and potions. "My hobbies and my job are enough for now, but even snarky old Potions masters can want more than that." He glanced over at Harry who was looking at him questioningly. Damn him. He must have slipped something in his drink...no. Harry was too bloody noble to do that to someone who, regardless of being a bastard, was on the same side. "I want a husband and children eventually," he said bluntly, without too much emotion in his words. "After all, someone will need to take my place as a snarky Potions master when I'm gone, assuming you don't beat them to it," he added, a sad attempt at humor.
He wasn't an idiot; he knew the chances of that happening were slim. He knew he was a bastard and damn near impossible to put up with and he had issues with trusting people, but he still believed the universe bloody owed him for everything he'd gone through and he deserved at least the dream of happiness.
~*~*~
Harry sighed sadly, wishing that dreams really did come true. Just so Severus would be happy. "Maybe, when the war is over, you'll be able to take the time to look for that." 'I probably won't have any time after the war since I'll be six feet under,' Harry thought to himself cynically.
"What about soul mates?" He asked, thinking that maybe Severus had someone out there that was suited to him magically, physically and emotionally. The older man looked at him weirdly at the sudden question. "Muggles have this belief that somewhere out in the world, is your soul mate, perfectly suited for you. I don't know if wizards have the same belief, but maybe it's nice to just dream that there really is someone out there for everyone." He looked over at Severus, seeing the raised brow, he blushed. "Or maybe that's just me."
It wasn't that he really believed in soul mates or anything, but it was a nice dream. To find someone that you're compatible with, they make your life seem complete. It was a nice dream, even if he knew it would never happen to him. He may have a bit of luck when it came to not dying and getting out of sticky situations, but when it came to emotional things, he was anything *but* lucky.
~*~*~
Looking back to the fireplace, Severus replied, "it's a nice dream Harry, but that's all it is. A dream. I don't profess to expect anything more from life than my potions and my books and, undoubtedly, life has never been inclined to give me much more. To have the luxury to dream though, that's enough for me to fight for."
A small chiming from the mantle grabbed his attention. "I believe that is my cue to go, Harry. I have a meeting with Dumbledore, disguised as afternoon tea, where he will undoubtedly probe me on your progress thus far with Nosferatu magic." As he removed Harry's legs from his lap and disentangled himself from the couch he did glance back at Harry to say, "do you think you can come and see me sometime tomorrow to practice that meditation again and to discuss the approaching Order meeting?"
~*~*~
"Sure. After breakfast?" Severus nodded and quickly left. Harry sighed, leaning back against the couch again and staring at the star speckled ceiling, he thought about what the other man had said. Soul mates were a nice dream and maybe Severus was right, that was reason enough to fight, to have the luxury to dream, but that was more of Severus' dreams than his.
Maybe.. his will to fight could be to see the end of the war, or more precisely, to end everything, and be able to have the time, patience, and energy he would need to try to get into a relationship with Severus. Yes, that was what he was fighting for - Severus.
CHAPTER 6: DENIAL IS THE LONGEST RIVER IN THE WORLD
Severus spent the early morning leisurely, doing research over some breakfast he ordered down from the kitchens while waiting for Harry. There still was no potion to help vampires without donors; it was something he had tried almost his entire career to correct. Unfortunately, there seemed to be no viable substitute for blood.
Having reached another dead end, Severus closed his book and returned to the notes he'd made on Harry's progress, or lack thereof. Admittedly, his original results were disheartening, but judging from the weight that seemed to have lifted from his shoulders in the last couple of days (regardless of how large or small that weight turned out to be in the end) Severus believed they'd finally be able to make some progress today and, with magic driven by emotions, success could only build on success. And he very much wanted Harry to succeed for more reasons then simply helping end the war at last. He liked the bond of friendship the training seemed to have brought out in them. Admittedly, it was much nicer and easier than trying to bite Harry's head off. That, of course, wouldn't stop him from biting other people's heads off. He was still Severus Snape after all.
~*~*~
Rapping with his customary two knocks on Severus' door, Harry waited for the mumbled consent and entered. Although he was definitely feeling better today, it didn't necessarily mean he looked like he did. Last night he had practiced the meditation keeping Severus' 'presence' in the back of his mind. While three out of five times he'd come to a halt when Voldemort interfered, he'd eventually succeeded in forming the wand the other two.
Crossing the room, he sank into the armchair, facing both the fire and Severus, who was bent over the armrest of the chair with his notes. Spotting a book on the coffee table, he leant forward and took a look at it, discovering he couldn't read a single thing on the old leather cover. He glanced up at the other man, commenting, "Nosferatu I assume?" He tilted his head when Severus nodded. "Why are you researching your own magic? Don't you know all there is to know about it?" he asked, generally confused.
~*~*~
"I know all there is to know about it with regards to myself," Severus stated. "I'm trying to see if there's anything I can do with potions to help vampires without donors. Every 1/16 vampire and more will die if they don't feed at certain times, but not all find a donor they trust. Not to mention, even if there’s no chance of you dying, those monthly fits aren't at all fun. It's just frustrating because blood sausage serum is the closest anyone has ever come and that hardly does anything at all." Severus frowned, looking down at his lap he scratched his neck absently.
~*~*~
Maybe he could be Severus' donor? It would help Severus live a better life, and he would probably look and feel healthier with real human blood in him. Harry trusted the older man, so that was no problem, even if he was nervous about the whole ordeal, but he wasn't sure if Severus trusted him enough to accept him as his donor. He should know that Harry would never hurt him and, when he was vulnerable, he would do everything in his power to make sure he was safe while feeding. Although he still didn't understand the exact effects that the human experienced when being fed on.
"I could be your donor," he finally said, rather bluntly. Well, the offer was out there now, although Severus would probably turn it down.
He felt an odd ache in his stomach at the thought of Severus not trusting him.
~*~*~
Severus looked up at Harry in great shock, though he really shouldn't have been. It was always like Gryffindors to be blunt. His first instinct was to say 'no' immediately, but, with Harry at least, he'd learned to actually consider things logically before he started snapping. He studied Harry carefully knowing he'd meant the offer sincerely. Severus had no doubts on that score, but he also knew Harry didn't know everything a feeding entailed.
Picking his words with care, for he wanted to try and make the man see he was not trying to undermine him for his ignorance in the matter, something he knew Harry hated, he said slowly, "Harry, feeding is a *very* intimate experience. I'd basically be necking you; only on your part it would be a great deal more *intense* than necking." Severus paused, but never broke eye contact with Harry. "I wouldn't be surprised if it caused you to orgasm. Many human friends agree to be donors without understanding this and afterwards they feel as if they've been used. I don't want you to have to go through that."
~*~*~
A light blush stained Harry's cheeks at the thought of coming while Severus was necking him. He had a strong feeling he wouldn't feel 'used', to use the other man's word. He wasn't afraid to admit (to himself, anyway) that he really did like this man. Hell, hadn't he just been thinking last night how he wanted to pursue a relationship with the man after the war and that's why he was going to fight?
He did feel somewhat better that Severus hadn't out and out said 'no,' and he had at least given it some thought. Maybe he did trust him then.
Raking a hand through his loose hair, Harry gave a small grin. "That doesn't bother me." His grin quickly turned into a frown at the thought that it might bother Severus and he didn't really see Harry in that way. No, it didn't matter. Feelings could be changed, and when Harry won the war, he would make the effort to get into a long lasting relationship with the other man. "I understand if you're uncomfortable with that," he shrugged lightly, "but really, I don't mind."
~*~*~
Severus studied Harry intently for a few moments as though not quite sure what to make of him. Against the cynical side of himself, he did trust Harry, knowing he'd never hurt him. Whatever Slytherin tendencies he might have, Harry *was* beyond doubt, a Gryffindor. No one could deny offering to be a donor took great trust and loyalty. Severus wasn't sure why that touched him so much... but it did.
"If you're sure," he murmured quietly and got a quick nod from Harry. "I accept your offer. You can back out at any time if you feel uncomfortable."
~*~*~
Harry smiled brightly, highly doubtful he would feel uncomfortable and back out. "When do you need to feed? Is it just when the new moon is out?" He asked, tilting his head questioningly. He would de disappointed if Severus only needed him for one day of the month.
~*~*~
More relaxed than when he normally taught something, Severus began, "Technically, a vampire should feed every day to be at full power, but the pains only come once a month; it's the time their power gets recharged. The blood they imbibe over the month lends them power so that they aren't vulnerable during that one day. The donor never 'runs out' of blood. The chemicals in a vampire's saliva help blood recharge itself in an hour and generally help the donor as much as the blood helps the vampire. Nature, it seems, worked thing out very well in that respect."
~*~*~
Harry sat back in his chair, taking it all in. It was kind of sad how the prospect of Severus taking blood from him every day made him almost giddy. Sad indeed. "So would you need to feed every day, and then feed for a longer period of time during the new moon so your energy recharges?" He had to admit that just the thought of Severus 'necking' him, made him hard. After crossing his light blue, jean clad legs, he absentmindedly scratched his wrist underneath the long, black, somewhat tight pullover shirt. An old scar that matched the one on his left wrist bugged him. He hated the phantom pains that came with most of his scars.
~*~*~
"That's about it," Severus conferred as he studied Harry's shifting. "It may seem like just a physical act, but it's quite a magical one, too. You'll never retain a scar from it for one. The energies of the two people mingle and spells to benefit either person can be woven into the feeding with prior incantations."
He wasn't sure what exactly, possessed these things to be spilling from his lips, but he knew how much Harry hated his scars and he wanted to thank him somehow for being a friend. "If you want me to, Harry, I can weave spells into the magic to make your scars fade away. If you're my donor for an extended period of time, they'll probably disappear for good."
~*~*~
Harry's eyes widened at the thought of finally getting rid of his scars although, looking down at his wrists where the perfect circle shaped scars resided from being chaffed by a manacles, Harry wondered if it would be good to get rid of all his scars. Sure, they came with phantom pains, but he'd get over it eventually, and wouldn't it just be vain?
Looking back up at Severus he frowned slightly, thinking that maybe this was one of the ways that he wanted to help Harry and who was he to reject that? "I don't want to get rid of all of them since I think it would be considered vain, but is it possible to just get rid of one? I have a rather gruesome scar that runs across my stomach underneath my navel."
Seeing Severus' raised brows, he elaborated, "It's from when someone caught me putting poison into his friend's drink and tried to gut me. Which, I have to admit, they almost succeeded." He absentmindedly traced the long scar just underneath his jeans. "It's the only scar I have that gives me real pain. The other ones are just phantom pains, and I know I'll get over them sooner or later, but the one on my stomach gives me a lot of stomachaches."
Harry sighed and rested his head back against the headrest. "The other ones bother me and they are some what revolting, but they're not that bad." It would be nice to have them lighter though, but he didn't want to sound picky or vain.
~*~*~
"As you wish," Severus replied solemnly from his armchair. "Regardless of any spells I put in though, some of your scars may start to get lighter, it's the non-scaring agent in my magic and in the saliva of the bite." Harry really hadn't had it easy he mused again, not liking how much that bothered him. He had hardly had it easy either, but, however irrational, the feeling remained. He'd do what he could to help Harry through the rest of the war. God knows it was about time someone decided to help him without ulterior motives.
~*~*~
Harry tried not to smile goofily at that. He was glad to hear that most of his scars would lighten. Maybe the one on his cheek would get light enough he could get rid of the glamour charm he put on in public. He had a strong urge to get up and hug the man, but he doubted it would be welcome. "Would you want to see me every night, or in the mornings?"
~*~*~
"Whatever time is best for you, I'm not picky about when I feed." Severus paused and quickly swept his mind through all the specifics of feeding; it really had been too long. "To specifically get rid of that particular scar though, Harry, I'd need to place my hand over it while 'feeding.' Just to let you know." Severus grumbled in his thoughts. 'Damn the Gryffindor for making this so easy.' Every other time he'd made an agreement for a donor to last more than one feeding, it had always been tense and unfriendly negotiations, but this came as easily and comfortably with Harry as casual conversation.
~*~*~
Frowning, Harry placed his hand over the scar, somewhat nervous about having Severus see it. "Okay," he finally said, noticing that Severus was looking at him, something akin to concern in his eyes. He looked up again and met the other's gaze. "Can I come tonight, after dinner maybe?" He waited for the older man's nod, before going back to what he'd originally been invited for.
"You wanted to have another go at the meditation? I practiced last night, and while Voldemort invaded about three times out of the five that I tried, I did finally transform the magic into a wand." Feeling Severus' concerned gaze on him, he continued, "It was nothing. I coughed up some blood, and I had a bit of trouble sleeping." He motioned towards the faint bruises under his eyes. "And for some reason my eyes were red when I looked in the bathroom, but I'm fine. At least I finally managed to do it," he added, with a small grin.
~*~*~
He repressed a shiver, remembering the first time they had done the mediation and Harry's beautiful emerald eyes had turned crimson. It reminded him too much of Voldemort, he could only imagine what it had been like for Harry to see it. Shaking his head, Severus focused on the younger man.
Chuckling softly at Harry's grin, he shook his head ruefully. "I'm proud that you accomplished our original goal. Arrogant Gryffindor," though he said everything without the slightest bit of snarkiness, for the moment anyway. "It's a good thing nothing more serious happened. I know it's hard, but try not to do anything stupid like that when I'm not there to help you if things go wrong. Okay?" Again Severus spoke with the casual affection that comes between friends, but still earned a half-hearted glare from Harry.
"Well then," he said rising from his chair and clearing the coffee table away as usual. "I suggest we work on forming that wand until you can do it near instantaneously in your mind's eye. Then, we can start casting spells." He assumed the position in front of the fireplace before looking up at Harry. "Ready for another go?"
~*~*~
The young man nodded and sat facing the fire with his back firmly pressed against Severus'. Not needing to listen to the other man's orders, he quickly went into the meditative trance, remembering to picture Severus there behind him. Until he actually 'felt' the presence behind him, meaning that Severus had finally joined him, Harry pictured his magical orb, the customary light green and white lights dancing around them, and encircling Severus in a rather provocative way. Harry called the orb to him, picturing in his mind what he was fighting for, for the warm presence at his back, always there and never yielding, the magic quickly formed into a wand, identical to Harry's own.
He held it in his hand for several moments, enjoying the rush of power entering his body from just holding his essence. He slowly let it go, back into his being. Every time he did this, he noticed that the power seemed to dance, just close to the surface, out of his grasp, but he felt that if he called on it, it would answer readily.
Sinking out of their meditative trances, Harry leaned his head back, letting it rest against Severus' own. "So, how was that?" He asked quietly.
~*~*~
Severus, not meditating, but with his eyes still closed, smiled, despite the fact that Harry couldn't see him and murmured, "Very good Harry. You're getting better at controlling the more abstract part of your magic. That will help a great deal." He paused for a moment before continuing onto the second issue he called Harry here to discuss.
"When you feel confident enough with these meditations, you might want to try seizing your power like that in the mediation, in your mind's eye and try doing simple spells as such. It's not really the point of why you're learning this magic, but it will come in handy and I don't teach anything half way." He smirked at Harry's snort. "Also, I thought I should explain to you exactly what we're working towards with this magic."
He took a long breath before launching into the explanation. "You must remember, Harry, that Nosferatu blood is strong. No matter how diluted it is, someone with vampire blood will always have the natural talent for the magic. With humans it's much different. Regular humans cannot handle it until reaching adulthood when their emotions are under their control. Then they must have a natural inclination for it, which you seem to have. Probably the only reason Dumbledore didn't suggest this earlier, is because of the complications that could have risen between you and Voldemort if he had a talent for it as well.
"Before you began to meditate the second time, I sent my own powers discreetly out to feel his. He doesn’t have a talent for it like you do, but the bond still makes it dangerous. That's why I always want to be present for the meditations, so I might do something if something goes wrong. I'm trying to form a battle plan as to how your bond with Voldemort will affect the magic. That‘s going to be the focus of the Order meeting because there‘s very little to predict Voldemort’s moves.
"Once you are strong enough you might be able to use your own power to filter into his, but he's going to fight you like hell and, although he doesn’t have the talent for Nosferatu magic like you do, you're nowhere near ready for that yet. But you will be."
~*~*~
Harry sighed and moved his head so it was resting back against Severus' shoulder and he was looking up at the ceiling. He frowned, thinking about their bond. There had always been a question nagging at him ever since he'd learned of it. "Do you think that it's possible for him to kill me through the bond? But he just hasn't found a way yet? Considering he can make me cough-up blood, I would assume he could make me do worse." Would all this training be a waste? If Voldemort figured out how to connect fully with him through the bond and effectively kill him or at least drive him into insanity, then it would all be a waste of time and effort.
~*~*~
Severus let out a weary sigh and leaned back against Harry in a similar fashion. "It's a possibility Harry," he admitted quietly. "A very dangerous one, but Voldemort does *not* have the talent for Nosferatu magic that you do and I believe that will make all the difference." Severus paused slightly. "I wouldn't have agreed to teach you if I didn't think, after all these years of war, that your connection with Voldemort might be the *only* way to stop him once and for all."
Severus paused thoughtfully and mused, "Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if your talent for Nosferatu magic is what saved your life and created the bond between you and him in the first place." It was ironic how the one thing that saved Harry's life in the past could potentially kill him now.
~*~*~
Harry frowned, thinking it over. There was a possibility that at any time, Voldemort could figure out how to get through to the bond enough to kill Harry off, but he wouldn't let that happen. Training with Severus and getting stronger was his only chance against Voldemort. To always keep one step ahead of him with knowing a branch of magic that he didn't.
"If Nosferatu magic is my only chance then how come all the other vampires haven't just ganged up and defeated Voldemort? What chance do *I* have if hundreds, or how ever many there are of people like you, can't defeat him?"
~*~*~
"I and other vampires like myself have *tried* numerous times with Voldemort, but he was either too fast, too well hidden, or too vastly protected. Basically everything that has stopped you, thus far, from defeating him has stopped us, but you're different in one very important way. That scar on your forehead gives you a link to Voldemort that will enable you to grab at his magic directly and expel it from him without even being near him. Nothing could kill him faster.
"Nevertheless, like that one time your wands faced off, it will mean a battle of who is willing to push the limits more. Talent or no talent, he won't be easy to beat. If your progress continues like it has been, it will only be a matter of time before you can face him. And once you get a grip on his magic, he won't have a prayer," Severus explained, trying to reassure the younger man.
~*~*~
Harry sighed and finally stood up slowly, shrugging his shoulders lightly so Severus wouldn't fall back from the movement. Walking around the other man, he used both hands to heave the older man off the ground, grinning when the man stumbled and almost knocked him over. "Clumsy as always," he whispered. Severus just shook his head and backed up, turning around to put the coffee table to its rightful size and place.
"So, you wanted to talk about the Order meeting? Or are we just going there to talk about my progress?" Harry sighed at the idea. He wasn't looking forward to talking to the group of people. The only person he knew there was Remus. Since Sirius was killed, Remus didn't talk to Harry anymore because, he assumed, Remus probably blamed the death on Harry. It *was* his fault after all. If it hadn't been for Harry's reckless behavior, then Sirius never would have tried to 'save him'.
~*~*~
"Yes, I did want to talk to you about that." Severus sat down in his armchair. "The whole point of it will be to update the members on any new news from Voldemort that wasn't safe to owl, informing the others of the training you're under and discussing how to get rid of the Death Eaters and the rest of Voldemort’s cohorts. I'm warning you that not a lot of people trust vampires because of the whole blood sucking thing. There will be questions directed your way and mine." He saw Harry's shoulders slump and added, "I know you're under a lot of pressure so I'll try to answer most of them."
~*~*~
Sinking into his own chair, Harry looked over at the older man, waving a hand dismissively. "It's okay. I'm not the only one under pressure. Since you started training me, it will also be on your shoulders if I fail. Will they suspect you're a vampire since you know Nosferatu magic?"
~*~*~
"I doubt it," Severus replied with a dismissive movement of his own. "Simply that I was schooled by one, or at least have associations with them. Once you learn you'll be able to teach others with the talent for it and so on. Generally, however, no matter how far removed a student is from the original vampire, the lessons can be traced back to him." Severus paused for a moment, looking into the fire, then looked back to Harry. "Honestly, they can blame whoever they like, but, in the end, any failures won't be our fault because we're doing everything we can."
~*~*~
Harry rolled his eyes and gazed over at the fire. "Gee, this is going to be fun." He gave a small grin at Severus' snort. Harry shifted around until he was facing Severus in the chair; his legs hung off one armrest and his head rested on the other so he could see the other man clearly.
Folding his hands in his lap, Harry asked, "Tell me more about vampires and the whole donor thing. You must have some kind of history."
~*~*~
"First of all, we know how to use chairs, a concept that seems entirely lost on you," Severus quipped, but Harry just rolled his eyes and Severus let the issue rest there.
"Vampires, like wizards, have extended life spans so, providing a vampire wizard doesn't chose a human as a mate, they can live up to 1000 years. Vampires and their donors are either romantically involved to begin with, or they become romantically involved because of the donor's reaction to the feeding and that rarely goes well due to the confusion of the human's automatic reaction of lust to the feeding. However, on the rare occasion that it does, they'll usually become mates.
"After the vampire bites the human on their left shoulder blade, the human must do likewise to the vampire to complete the bond. Once a vampire picks a mate, there is a spell between them that makes it so that if one of them dies the other one dies too." Severus had never really talked to anyone about being a vampire, but he found that, with Harry anyway, he rather liked it. He still wasn't sure how he'd react to the feeding, if he'd want to back out of it after the first time or not, but he had little doubt that their friendship would continue.
~*~*~
At least half an hour passed before Severus finally shooed Harry out because he had to finish some paperwork. Harry went with some protest, but finally relented, reasoning to himself that he'd be seeing Severus after dinner anyway. He was still a bit nervous about the whole blood sucking thing, but he trusted the older man and knew he would never hurt him intentionally. Hell, if what he said was true, which Harry didn't doubt, then Harry was probably going to be a bit embarrassed when he came while Severus' hand was on his stomach unless he did that before hand and he'd end up coming close to climax.
Shaking his head at his own thoughts, Harry entered his room and went into the bathroom, intending on having a shower. Fully naked, he paused, took a deep breath, and turned around to face the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. He didn't like what he saw, but if what Severus said was true, the angry red and pink lines should fade a tad.
Running a finger along the long, angry red slash, Harry sighed. This was the reason he had finally retired. It had been too much. He'd almost died since his intestines had actually been hanging out.
Emerald eyes trailing up his body, he reasoned that while he did have a lean physique, it didn't help the numerous scars scattered across his body. His back, as he already knew from experience rather then sight, was covered with fine, light red lines. His wrists had twin scars. His chest and arms had various scars from both objects and just cursing in general and having to dodge quickly. Sometimes, while he would miss the curse, he would end up hitting something else. His whole body was actually covered in various scars ranging in their seriousness.
Sighing, Harry wrenched his gaze away and finally stepped into the shower to try to get his tense muscles to relax.
~*~*~
Not unexpectedly, Severus had a great deal of trouble concentrating at any one thing at one time. Throughout the afternoon, his rooms became scattered with this project and that research and a bunch of other things. Somehow, though how was beyond him, he managed to get everything done, or as done as it was going to get that day in a broken sort of fashion. Severus blamed the fidgetiness on the fact that he hadn't had a potential steady donor for twenty years or so, and he didn't know how it would affect Harry emotionally. He knew he was very self-conscious and didn't really seek out contact with many people. Why he'd chosen to tolerate Severus was anyone’s guess.
His nerves did lift some at dinner when Harry practically had to wrestle his artichoke into submission. Severus guessed that was all nerves, something to be expected, but once the artichoke was 'tamed' he did seem to relax a little bit; it was a good sign.
Severus excused himself early, not having much of an appetite with an impending feeding looming nearby, and also he still had to straighten up his rooms from the afternoon's work. He stored everything away except the research on magical scars and bonds, which he left in his personal potions lab on his desk. Shortly before dinner he'd come across some very old writings and wanted to leave them out for further examination tomorrow. The more progress he made with Harry over the next week and a half, the more he'd be able to tell the Order, the closer they'd be to defeating Voldemort, and the happier they'd all be.
Still having a few more minutes before the young man was supposed to arrive, Severus sat in his chair to stare into the fireplace and think.
The possibility of Nosferatu magic had been discussed a few times before between Dumbledore and him, in regards to teaching Harry, but there'd never been a good time. Either he was too young, too caught up in Auror training (which, oddly enough, forbid the use of Nosferatu magic. Probably because they feared it) or he'd been two busy trying to clean up after Voldemort--there simply wasn't time. This was the first time the issue had been breeched seriously and Harry seemed to be making good progress. The thought that the war could actually end this time for good was almost chilling.
"Idiot," he berated himself and spelled one of his books to read out loud so he wouldn't fall too deeply into an interior monologue again. 'Now is not the time to be thinking of that. Leave those headaches for tomorrow. Right now focus on the feeding about to take place.' At that thought, Severus glanced over at the couch, equipped with numerous pillows, as Harry would be drained afterwards and need a little time to recoup, and a few towels for blood, or whatever else needed to be wiped away. Now all he had to do was wait for Harry to arrive.
~*~*~
Raking a hand through his hair, Harry rapped lightly on Severus' door. Receiving a quiet summons, he opened it and shut it behind him, glancing around briefly. A dark burgundy couch to his right was covered in large black pillows. Looking to his left, he spotted the older man sitting in his usual armchair.
Running another hand through his long hair again, Harry leaned on the back of 'his' chair, looking over at Severus. "Where are we going to do this?" he asked, fidgeting slightly.
~*~*~
"The couch," Severus replied, gently closing his book and placing it on the coffee table. "We'll both be more comfortable that way." He stood in the smooth, predatory like fashion often associated with members of his race and as he did so, shifted so he was in full vampire form. Not much of a change that, save the teeth and eyes, eyes which met Harry's emerald ones intensely. "Relax Harry," Severus said quietly, "I'm going to bite, but it's not going to hurt. Remember you can back out whenever you want to."
~*~*~
Harry shook his head and walked over to the couch, arranging himself so he was leaning against a bundle of pillows. He was nervous, since he didn't know what exactly to expect, but he trusted Severus, and knew he would never hurt him intentionally. It didn't quell the nervousness though.
~*~*~
With inhuman liquid grace, Severus glided to the couch and seated himself right next to Harry, smiling reassuringly into slightly frightened eyes. Gently, Severus undid the top part of Harry’s jeans and slipped one hand over the painful scar, thinking that if he'd not been so far gone in the near trance-like state of feeding, he most certainly would appreciate the firm muscle underneath his palm. He murmured a few words that flowed together like warm silk, warming the skin to skin touch further. Once that was done, he lifted Harry’s chin with one finger, to expose his neck, and then let the hand come to rest on his shoulder.
He felt Harry tense slightly as he leaned in towards his neck, but continued on in the same slow, reassuring way. He didn't bite him right away, instead he gently used his tongue to lave the area he would feed from. After a few gentle sucks, to bring the blood closer to the surface, he brought his fangs to the surface of Harry's skin and pushed them underneath it. It had been so long since he'd fed properly that he was instantly lost in the gentle sucking and the rich, sweet warm liquid seeping down his throat; unconsciously making a noise almost like purring as he continued to feed.
~*~*~
Harry moaned at the rush of sensations flowing through him starting from his neck and traveling down to his groin. He shivered when the purring started, a gentle hum the made Severus' lips vibrate against his already sensitive neck. He tipped his head back to press against the cool satin, turning his head to the side to lay his cheek against the material, unconsciously giving Severus' more room.
He groaned again at the feeling of the moist, warm tongue pushing against his skin, pulling the blood out of the wound at a leisurely pace. Every muscle in his body tensed in anticipation; his biceps bulged when he resisted the urge to push the vampire's dark head closer to his neck. His stomach clenched at the strength it took to keep himself rooted to where he was, instead of arching or moving closer to Severus. His balls tightened, pulling closer to his body as Severus suckled and purred against his flesh, making noises Harry never would have dreamed the other man capable of.
"Sev-rus," he breathed, a low cry of want and need was wrenched from his lips as the purring vampire took one last suck, and retreated only enough to lap at the small incisions there. When Severus suckled one last time at the sensitive spot, Harry came with a loud moan.
~*~*~
Severus gently pulled back from the spent man beneath him with a slow, satisfied grin on his face. Feeding always did that to him--rip all his walls down. Probably why he had done it so very rarely in his life. The wound in Harry's neck was already closing, by magic, and Severus, still feeling the hormonal rush of feeding, reached for a towel to gently clean Harry off, not trusting his own magic at the moment as it was distractedly humming in his ears.
Carefully moving their bodies until Severus was lying down on the couch with Harry on top of him, he gently zipped Harry's jeans closed and glanced up at his donor's face, still grinning. Harry was either dozing right now, or very out of it, judging from his completely limp form and somewhat even breathing. Not yet guarded enough to monitor his thoughts, they came freely. 'Such a beautiful creature,' Severus thought to himself, gentling running his fingertips over Harry's flushed cheek. 'It's a shame he doubts himself so much.'
It was only when Harry's full red lips began to seem so utterly tempting, that Severus pulled tight on his control and attempted to become grounded once again. Thoughts like that were useless and, worse yet, dangerous. Hadn't he been explaining to Harry how feeding could induce certain feelings? 'Only of a physical nature on the part of the donor though,' whispered a traitorous inner voice, which he promptly ignored.
He was about to move away when Harry's hands tightened very slightly, probably unconsciously, to keep him in place. This was to be expected as losing blood often made the donor slightly chilled when they came to. Severus sighed and a smile spread over his lips again as he secured his arms around the younger man and shifted them until Harry was all but sprawled atop him, waiting patiently for the man to come back to himself.
~*~*~
Feeling a rush of warmth, security and safety, Harry couldn't imagine a better way to wake up. Burring closer to the furnace of warmth, he stilled when he heard a quiet chuckle. Opening his eyes, he was met with pale skin and the strong smell of the other man, including the slight hint of metallic on the man's breath. Nuzzling his nose into Severus' neck, Harry sighed and closed his eyes, still somewhat dizzy and sleepy. He enjoyed the tightening of muscular arms around him, and the sound of the other man breathing in his scent. "What does it taste like?" he finally mumbled, his voice slightly raspy from his cries and over all sleepiness.
~*~*~
"Your blood?" Severus murmured softly. "It tastes very rich and sweet." There was a bit more as to how blood carried the residue of a wizard's power and it's specific taste was molded by the person's life, but they'd already talked of that and Severus was too cozy and sated to bother launching into another long lecture. He wasn't inclined to move at the moment, with Harry in his arms and feel the magic coursing though his veins. Harry was, perhaps, the only donor he'd ever had who was concerned only about helping Severus, thus making the experience the most pleasurable one he could remember having.
~*~*~
Harry yawned and nuzzled closer, enjoying the slow and steady hand that was running through his waist length hair. He didn't think he could keep his eyes open for much longer but he also didn't want to sleep because then he would miss the man's warm arms wrapped around him. He knew Severus would never hold him like this unless something like this happened, a semi-emergency that called for his caring touch, but it was still nice to dream.
"M'glad. Thought it was going to taste bad 'cause of training and what not," he muttered, still half asleep, but awake enough to say just about anything that came to mind and not full remember it the next morning unless he tried really hard to cover up his tracks. He'd always fell asleep after his lovers had gone to bed, since that made sure they couldn't ask him any questions. Being this tired was like taking a truth serum.
~*~*~
Severus, being the vampire, recovered more quickly than Harry. He couldn't be bothered to move or wipe the, now small, smile off his face, but his mind was coming into sharper focus after the pleasurable daze of feeding.
Studying the mused head lying on his chest, Severus noted, much to his chagrin, that something about that image made something in his chest ache. Willing the abstract feelings away, Severus shifted his gaze over to the fire, the only source of light in the room at the moment, almost a little morose now, but not willing to focus on exactly why that was.
"Harry," he murmured very softly after a few moments, not wanting to wake him if he'd fallen asleep, "why did you want to be my donor in the first place?" Even in this sated state, Severus had to admit it was an overly generous offer even for a bloody self-sacrificing Gryffindor.
~*~*~
Shifting slightly on top of the hard form so he could wrap an arm around the man's chest, Harry blinked sleepily before answering. "I wanted you to have better life, be happy and healthier because my reason to fight the war is to keep you happy and safe, and 'cause I wanted to get into a relationship with you at end."
~*~*~
A wave of complete shock went through Severus' system so intense that he started to gape and his hand faltered a little on Harry's back, although only until the slightly chilled donor arched up into it and it resumed its gentle movements automatically. 'Oh Harry,' Severus thought to himself and he looked down at the near asleep form in his arms. 'You don't know what you're saying. The feeding probably got to you. If it's not the feeding, I'm probably the first person who's been genuinely friendly to you in a long time. You're just confusing your feelings. Damn Gryffindor. You don't want to be attached to a vampire any more than you have to be.' But he said none of this out loud. Harry was half asleep and probably was barely monitoring what he was saying. In the morning, he'd be in his right mind again.
Not wanting Harry to stumble down the hall only to break something, the Potions master didn't try to wake him, instead shifting him in his arms so that he could carry him. Harry, still half asleep, clung to his neck. Feeling much more recharged after the feeding, Severus lifted him easily and carried him down the hall to his rooms where the younger man was just coherent enough to mutter his password. Once in Harry's bedroom, whose fire had no doubt been kept up by that house-elf who was so fond of him, Severus pulled back the sheets with wandless magic and gently laid Harry against them. Looking down at his face, Severus thought again, 'Such a beautiful creature, but not meant for me.'
END PART 6