Title: Animula
Authors: Redrum and In-the-Shadows [Shadows-Redrum]
severusxharry@yahoo.ca
http://www.geocities.com/angst_wolf/HxS-ficindex
Pairing: SeverusxHarry
Rating: NC17
Category: AU
Summary: This time there is no wizarding world to save Harry from the Dursleys. Instead, he's had to endure brutal beatings; both at home and at school. It seems the whole world has turned it's back on Harry.
Status: Complete (chapters will be posted as soon as beta reader finishes with them)
Animula
by Redrum and In-the-Shadows [Shadows-Redrum]
Chapter 1: At First Sight
Severus watched as his newest A level Senior English class filed slowly through the door. This was going to be a very long day. It was obvious from the look of them that none of them had the proper discipline to survive his course...yet. He was the kind of teacher that found by the time students came to him it was best to dunk their heads underwater and see if they could swim; they certainly would respond to no less.
Scanning the classroom once he walked briskly to his teachers podium and began with his usual opener, an exposure to real literature. Without bothering to look at the paper he recited the poem he knew by heart.
"Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gait
or how charged with punishments the scroll
I am the captain of my fate
I am the master of me soul."
Severus paused briefly, scanning the class again before continuing, "That, class, was an untitled work by William Ernest Henley written in 1903; it is called, by many, 'Faith’. William was afflicted with Tuberculosis most of his life which caused him great pains and the loss of his left arm. He wrote this poem as a way of mocking the gods. The reason I start out with this poem is because of its excellent rhythm. Rhythm, more than anything else, is what really makes a poem come alive. Now, in case you haven't guessed already, we are starting with poetry this year. I don't want any of you thinking that it will be easy, because it is often the best of poems that require the most work."
Striding over to the board, he scrawled in elegant cursive, 'Emily Dickinson.' "Will all of you please open the poetry books on your desk to page ten." Scanning the back row (where the trouble makers usually were) Severus spied a thin black haired boy with startling emerald eyes. He knew his name because he made a point of knowing every student's name before they entered his class. This was the loner: Harry Potter. "Mr. Potter, read aloud for the class the first of Mrs. Dickinson's poems," Snape finished absentmindedly, rubbing a small circle on the interior of his left forearm, but anything that might have been there to cause the discomfort was effectively hidden by a long black button up shirt and long black trousers to match.
~*~*~
Harry shook his head, dislodging the feelings the recited poem had reproduced inside him. Looking down at the aged text, he pushed his black, thin, wired frame glasses higher up his nose before taking a deep breath. He always did hate reading in front of the class. He usually ended up stuttering and embarrassing the hell out of himself. Sighing again, Harry glanced down at the crinkled page in front of him.
"Success is c-counted sweetest
By those who ne’er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Re-requires sorest need.
Not one of all the pur- purple host
Who took the flag today
Can te-tell the definition,
So clear, of victory,
As he, defeated, dying,
On whose forbidden ear
The distant stra-strains of triumph
Break, agonized and clear."
Harry sighed, glad to have finished it. The warmth spreading over his cheeks made him duck his head further down, allowing his choppy hair to obscure his face. He glanced over the words again, thinking them over. He was never good at analyzing poems but if he took it apart he found it a lot easier.
The first stanza would, in a broad sense, mean that the grass is greener on the other side. The rich can't accept what they have, always wanting more. While the poor know how to make the most of what they have, and when they do receive something, they know how to treasure it.
The second stanza would be along the lines of; those that hold the flag didn't really take part in the war, so can't feel what true victory feels like.
The last one was what touched him the most. A soldier, lying all alone, no one around to help him, while others celebrated the end of war and he lay there dying. He could place himself in that position: being all alone while the others around him just didn't understand or didn't care; carrying on with their lives without a care in the world while he lay there suffering. Crying out, but no one hearing him. Oh yes, he could sympathize.
He couldn't ever remember a time where he was cared for and thought about. No, that was a lie. He had distant memories of a happier time, when he was younger and still living with his parents. But they had passed away in a car accident; killed by a drunk driver. Up until that moment his life had been perfect bliss. He still had the naivety of a child; thinking that the world would forever be a perfect and loving place with cheerful and caring people inhabiting it. Oh, how wrong he had been.
Harry had ended up moving into his aunt and uncle's house and everything had gone down hill from there. He barely remembered what it felt like to have comforting arms around him when he woke up from a nightmare, could barely remember the feeling of security. But those faint hints of happier times made it all the worse. It meant that he had something to compare the life he had now to, and everyone knows that it's no good, being stuck in the past. But sometimes he couldn't help it. It's not like he had anything to look forward to in the future.
All he had now was his poetry and story writing; an escape from his life. He knew he wasn't that good, but it didn't stop him from writing. Writing helped him to express his emotions. Although he could be overly sensitive at times he tried to hold it back. Everyone knows it's improper for young men to cry; even when it feels like their heart is breaking in two.
He ran a hand through his hair; the passing thought of needing a hair cut entering his mind before he quenched it knowing that with the length of hair came something to hide behind. He sighed and looked up at the teacher. Suddenly realizing that the rest of the class was looking at him, he blushed (oh how he wished that he could stop the frequent reaction) and frowned wondering what he had missed. Surely he hadn't been that lost in his thoughts?
~*~*~
Severus looked over the raven haired teen almost as if he were appraising his worth as a student, when in fact he was just going over the reading in his head. He was obviously self conscious but he'd gone through the poem fairly smoothly and spoken the words with excellent infliction of emotion. He looked like he held raw talent with a lot of potential; potential Severus had no intention of wasting. "Your dictation needs work Potter. It is the verbal presentation of poetry that is above all things most important. See me after class."
Walking briskly away from Harry and back up to his podium, Severus spun around and asked the class, "Now, would anyone care to interpret the poem you have just heard?" A single hand shot up into the air with over-enthusiasm and Severus groaned inwardly. A teacher's pet, this was not what he needed. Why did the students he receive have to be dead or foaming at the mouth to be valedictorian? "Yes, Ms. Granger?" he dared to ask. Hermione prattled on for the better part of ten minutes before Severus managed to cut her off, if a bit rudely.
"That will be all, Ms. Granger." Shifting his attention to the class again he said, "Poetry is more than meter, stanza, and grammar ladies and gentlemen. Even though a good rhythm can make or break a poem, it is the emotion that goes into a poem that makes it important. These three things together: emotion, rhythm, and dictation," he shot Harry a pointed look before continuing, "are the keys to great poetry. Now, I realize you might have very well slid easily through all of your other English classes without even noticing a change, but this year you will be forced to use your brains. There will be no slowing down. There will be no repetition of information. Some of you will be going to college next year and if you don't start using your brains now you'll never survive. So I intend to have you create a portfolio to track your progress. If you cannot see any results yourself why bother, correct? Your homework assignment for tonight will be to obtain a folder and to attempt one free form poem of your own creation. It will be graded, so do try to write about something more interesting then how you plan to survive the terrors of my classroom; trust me, it has been done to tedium."
Pausing for breath, Severus turned to Draco, his next victim. "Mr. Malfoy, please read the second poem on that page." Draco's haughty voice filled the air, effectively ruining the desperate sadness the speaker of the poem was clearly supposed to have. Severus fought not to cringe. This trust fund baby was probably beyond his help by now. Another tough case. Lucius was lucky they were friends or he’d have kicked the boy out then and their.
Letting his eyes wander back over to Harry for a moment he decided he definitely wanted to look into this boy more. It had been so long since he'd had the chance to coach someone halfway competent, and he was ready to jump at the chance.
~*~*~
Harry cringed as soon as Malfoy started talking. Looking down at the poem on the opposite page from the one he had just read he wondered how one kid could screw up a poem that much. It wasn't that hard. All you had to do was take a quick read over and you would automatically know the tone of the poem. Talking in monotone would have been better then assuming a haughty voice. Then again, maybe that was just Malfoy. He seemed like one of those rich kids that paid his way through school.
Harry sighed, shaking his head, and he tried to focus on the poem being read out loud.
Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.
It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.
Shaking his head, he leaned his chin on a raised fist. He hated analyzing poems; it definitely wasn't one of his stronger points. Hopefully they wouldn’t have any homework on that any time soon.
Emerald eyes gazed around the room. He was glad that they actually had separate seats for once. He hated sitting beside people in class, they always talked too much or cheated off of him. He was also glad that Granger was two seats diagonal from him. At least then they wouldn't be partnered off with each other as much if she had been in the seat next to him like Malfoy.
The black haired boy looked up at the podium where Professor Snape was standing. He was definitely one of the more intimidating professors that he had. The all black garb didn't help either. His pale skin stood out in sharp contrast to the dark material. The shoulder length, shiny black hair was thick and very sleek, a lot more manageable then his own dark hair. The brown eyes, so dark they looked to melt into the pupils, were very intense when directed at someone.
Seeing the professor scratch his forearm again, he wondered if he had a bite there or something. Maybe it was just a nervous thing, although Harry couldn't see how someone like Professor Snape could ever be nervous over anything. He definitely didn't seem like the type of man.
The rest of the class passed by quickly with Snape coolly criticizing the students after they read a passage. He corrected them when he saw fit, though half the time the students didn't really follow his firm guide. They didn't even bother to correct their mistakes. Harry didn't think he'd ever be able to stop stuttering when he read aloud. It was hard not be nervous when reading in front of a class, even when he didn't know anyone. Granger often interrupted the class when Snape wouldn't call on her to answer a question. She was really annoying. You'd think she would learn that the teachers didn't always like someone who stuck their hand up in the air constantly to answer a question. The professor sure didn't seem to like it. Then again, he didn't seem to like anything or anyone.
The bell rang and the class quickly got up and left, looking forward to finally going home after the first day of classes. Harry sighed and stayed in his seat, waiting for the rest of the class to depart before making his way up to the professor's desk.
Shifting from foot to foot, he wrapped his slim fingers around the strap of his crimson messenger bag. Looking down at his scuffed black leather boots (one of the few splurges he allowed himself with his money from his job working down at the music store over the summer), Harry eventually looked up at the bent over man.
"Sir? You wanted t-to s-see me?" Several seconds passed (though it felt like at least ten minutes) before the man looked up at him.
~*~*~
Severus looked up from the book he had just opened, straightening his back, and giving Harry a cool, appraising look. Without a word he slid open the upper right hand drawer to his desk and pulled out an old leather bound book that must have been at least two inches thick. He flipped through the pages, only half looking at Harry. "As I said before Potter, your dictation needs work. There's no need to stutter; especially when it appears Granger, you, and myself are the only ones listening. It would be good for you to practice reading aloud; if you manage to perfect it, you'll save us all from enduring another reading by Mr. Malfoy."
Severus stopped leafing through the book about one third of the way through and looked up at Harry again with a somewhat piercing gaze, almost as if he could see through him. He was small for a boy his age, and had a scrawny underfed look that didn't really fit in a school of this reputation. There were also a few bruises scattering his arms and face, not many but enough to hint at more than school boy roughhousing. Beyond the bruises it was his eyes that particularly stood out to Severus; large, expressive eyes as green as emeralds. It didn't appear as though he'd be able to ever hide anything through them.
There was a very intriguing quality about this young man, and Severus was never one to leave something worthy of note unexplored. "If you desire, you can stay after school a few days a week and I will attempt to help you," Severus offered in a voice no less demanding than in class but not cutting either. Despite his reputation he was not out to make life a living hell for every student that crossed his path. He was simply a strict teacher that didn't let his students get away with anything; and he wasn't beyond helping the prodigal few who actually wanted to learn. That was, after all, why they were all there.
~*~*~
Harry frowned. If he was too late getting home his relatives wouldn't be pleased; but surely they would understand if it was for school work? Harry sighed, he sure hoped so. He already had enough bruises on him. He was surprised that no one had commented yet, but then again, he tended to walk through the halls with his head in a book, so it was hard for anyone to actually see the bruises on his face. He also usually wore long sleeved shirts, but since it was the first day of school, he figured he'd actually wear something that fit. The only thing that fit him was his navy blue, loose fit tee, and his form fitting, faded black jeans.
Other then that outfit, plus the boots, everything else in his closet didn't really fit him. If he was the type of boy to wear baggy clothes (which most of the guys in this snobby school wouldn't be caught dead in), they would look fine. But he had got them from his cousin, Dudley, who was a very large boy. His earlier clothes fit him a bit better, though they were pretty ratty and filled with holes, they were better then his 'newer' clothes, since Dudley kept growing. It didn't help that Harry had a very slim frame. He was actually skinnier then half the girls here for fucks sake! And that was saying a lot, considering half of them were anorexic.
He'd actually had a few girls ask him what was his secret. He really wanted to say ‘just have your parents not feed you and do all the really hard chores around the house without rest, that worked for me’. But of course he didn't; he didn't say anything to them. After awhile they left him alone; just like in all the previous years. It's not that he didn't actually 'want' friends, it was just.. well, half of them were so idiotic, and they never knew when to shut up. He used to be friends with a boy named Ron, but that friendship had ended fast. Ron soon found friends that were more 'interesting'. In other words, guys who actually liked playing and watching sports instead of writing a bunch of 'sissy' (his words, not Harry's) poems. Harry wasn't one for sports, but he did like to run. It helped him escape Dudley and his friends half the time. Especially during lunch break when his cousin would try to beat him up because he had nothing better to do with his time.
Realizing the professor was still staring at him, Harry nodded quickly. "S-sure, p-p-professor. I'll stay after school tomorrow?" Snape nodded. Harry glanced at the clock over head. Shit! The black haired teen bolted out of the room, not waiting for a verbal response from the teacher.
He had forgotten that he was due home earlier today because he had to clean out the gutters and rake the lawn. Uncle Vernon was especially forceful about the latter. They really had no big trees but the one in their neighbor's yard was huge and half of it was on their backyard. So it was up to Harry to clean it up every week in the fall.
Harry sighed. It wasn't that bad really. It was good to be out in the fresh air, away from them. But the gutters… now that was a hard job. He had actually fallen last year and broken his ankle. He was lucky that it had set right without any complications since Vernon and Petunia still forced him into doing his chores; even the harder ones that required him to lift heavy boxes and carry them over to another location. Sometimes he thought that they just made up hard chores for him to do so he would get tired and hungry. Of course they wouldn't feed him much and if he ended up doing his chores wrong they would send him to bed without anything. It was a wonder he was able to eat anything with how small his stomach probably was by now.
Harry bent over, resting his hands on his knees. Catching his breath, he looked up. At least he was here now. He stood up and winced at the sharp cramp in his empty stomach then slung the book bag back over his shoulder and proceeded up the steps.
Shutting the door with a quiet click he walked down the hall trying to make the least amount of noise possible. He opened the large cupboard under the stairs and put his bag in the space near the cot. Quickly changing into his older clothes, he shut the door and went back outside. Looking over at the driveway, Harry smacked his forehead. Idiot! Of course, they were out shopping at the strip mall for new clothes for Dudley, since he had his growth spurt. Now they just had to find clothes that were as wide as they were tall.
Jogging around back to where the equipment was for the roof, Harry grabbed the already extended ladder leaning against the white washed walls and set it up before him. Bending down to pick up the large metal bucket and the ratty gloves filled with holes ('couldn't even bother to give me new gloves,' Harry thought in disgust), he started up the ladder.
Harry hoped that his relatives wouldn't be back before he was done. If they did arrive early and saw him up on the roof, they'd start yelling at him for not having done it earlier even though this job takes two hours to do at the least. But did the Dursleys stop to think about that? Of course not. So he really hoped they wouldn't be coming back any time soon. He didn't need to add any more bruises to the ones he already had.
Harry sighed and got to work.
CHAPTER 2: I NEED A HUG
Severus sat behind his desk, slightly bent over the free form poems that had been handed to him throughout the day while he waited for Harry to show up.
Most were extremely lacking in any sense of the art form, and Granger's was too sterile and devoid of emotion to really be called poetry. He was getting increasingly frustrated with the sheer amount of red ink he knew he was wasting on these hopeless cases.
A twinge went down Severus’ left arm for the fifth time that day before a loud thunderclap split the sky. Dropping the pen he’d been correcting with, Severus leaned back and looked out the window at the growing storm. He rubbed his left forearm absentmindedly. 'Never fails,' he thought sarcastically to himself, 'Every single time it rains.'
Severus watched the dark clouds roll over the sky in ominous rumbles with a small sigh. For all their chaos storms had always calmed him, like a reminder of just how powerless humans could really be. It may have seemed a bit odd to some people but he knew his place in the scheme of things and was more than happy with it. There were few students he’d ever reach but he had no intention of forgetting those he could.
That thought brought him back to Harry. The boy definitely needed closer examination. There was something about him that was… a little too familiar.
~*~*~
Harry sighed, glanced at his watch, and waited for the bell to ring as he took cover in the bushes beside the steps. This was actually the first time he had been in school for the day. Harry had wanted to wait for the damn bruises to fade at least a little bit before going to school. Uncle Vernon had let him stay home exactly for that purpose. What he didn't understand was how his uncle could be so stupid as to give him another mark on his face. Wait… stupid question. Vernon never thought before he did something. The way Harry was looking today was proof enough.
His relatives had, just as he feared, come home earlier than planned. It seemed that Dudley was getting too antsy and wanted to leave. Of course they jumped to fulfill their lord pig's wishes. Harry chuckled, but quickly stopped as he bent over and grabbed his side. Fucking Vernon! He really wished he was strong and big enough to give his uncle a taste of his own medicine. But alas, it didn't look like Harry would be growing beyond his tiny 5'2" frame. "I guess that's what happens when you’re kept in a damn cupboard all your damned life." He mumbled to himself.
The bell finally rang, and the kids quickly poured out of the school like a colorful mass of butterflies taking flight. Harry smiled slightly at the imagery, waited for the last couple of stragglers and went into the building.
He was lucky to encounter no teachers as he quickly walked towards his professor's class. Finally reaching the large (well to him anyway) doorway he pulled out a poem from his pocket that he had written last night while trying to nurse his injuries. Knocking once on the door he waited for the man inside to grunt an affirmative before entering.
The loud clap of thunder made him jump. He hadn't even realized that it was raining. Shaking his head at his own stupidity he walked up to the desk, leaving puddles in his wake. Harry put the poem on Snape's desk and stepped back to sit in the closest desk. Professor Snape continued to mark, ignoring him. "Sorry a-about handing it in l-late." He saw the dark haired man nod, but other wise didn't make any other attempt at conversation.
Harry sighed. He tried not to get antsy but it was hard not to be nervous. He knew he'd probably be beaten up again for leaving the house plus he couldn't help being slightly intimidated by his professor. Actually, Harry found that he was intimidated by any man larger than him. Maybe it was just because he was so small, or maybe it was because of his uncle's treatment of him. Harry gave a mental shrug and sighed quietly, trying not to disturb Snape. He was pretty sure his professor didn't take too kindly to assignments being handed in late, but he hadn't been able to escape the house until half an hour ago when his aunt and uncle had gone out to do some grocery shopping.
He leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out from under the desk and crossed them at the heel, waiting for the teacher to do or say something.
~*~*~
Without a word, Severus finished his last poem and took Harry’s into his hands.
Animula
A soul sent into the sky.
The body's ashes swept up with the swirling wind
The heart's rejuvenation brought forth by the calm clouds
The mind's tranquility lasts until the storm clouds pass over the blue moon
The eyes rest on a passing bird, majestically soaring through the swirling updrafts
The spirit is put at ease by the invisible bond formed between human and the air around them
A soul is sent into the sky today.
A body's ashes eventually lay scattered across the cold earth
A heart's rejuvenation comes to an abrupt halt as the earlier calm clouds turn oppressive
A mind's tranquility is put to an end when the storm crashes down around them
An eye is soon blinded by the sun when the bird continues to fly free
A spirit is choked when the heavy air around them closes in on them.
A soul was sent away today, never to return.
“Well…” Severus thought to himself, still slightly dazed from the obvious experience and talent painted in the lines, “That’s definitely different.” He looked up to speak to the boy, but found him soaking wet and shivering with even more bruises than yesterday; the physical manifestation of his poem.
Frowning slightly, one of Severus’ thin eyebrows arched towards his hairline. Normally he wouldn't take absences too kindly because most often they were a simple skip. However this was obviously not the case.
Taking one calm breath to settle his inwardly shaken nerves (manifestations of a haunting past did that to you Severus stood and walked to his supply closet. Once he found what he was looking for, a spare towel from his home that he kept for this exact purpose, he turned and strode over to Harry with his usual determination. Withone deft movement he gently settled the towel around Harry’s shoulders and sat in a chair directly in front of the desk. “So you know some Latin, Potter? Where did you pick that up?”
~*~*~
Harry shivered and pulled the thick fluffy towel closer to him. He was incredibly surprised at his professor's actions. Snape didn't seem like the type that would be gentle toward anything. But maybe it was wrong of him to judge by appearance, he had enough people do that to him. They always seemed to think that just because he was short he was automatically the class clown and didn't mind people picking on his height. But he secretly hated it. He hated looking like such a wimp. It was like having a fucking "please pick on me" sign posted on his back.
Harry sighed and shook his head. He really had to stop doing that. Harry looked up into the professor’s dark eyes and lifted a shoulder in a half hearted shrug. "Tr-translation dictionary."
Pulling his legs up underneath his chair Harry bent over slightly, trying to keep the right side of his face slightly hidden. He really hoped Snape hadn't noticed that large and still fresh bruise on his eye. He didn't need him phoning his relatives like his past teachers had tried to do before they finally stopped trying. Harry never really told them the truth anyway. He just said he was picked on a lot or when that didn't work that he was wrestling with his cousin and a stray elbow had caught him in the eye.
Harry jumped when a clap of thunder sounded from outside. Fuck… and he had to walk home in that too.
Finally noticing that it was still silent and he had obviously gotten lost in his thoughts again, Harry blushed.
"M-my relatives gave my c-cousin the di-dictionary, but he wasn't inter-interested in it, so he gave it to m-me." Actually, it was more like Harry had found it in the trash, but Snape didn't have to know that. Harry had always wanted to go through all his poems and stories and translate the English titles to another language. He didn't really know why exactly, but it did look interesting. So it was pure luck that when he was carrying out the trash the bag broke and he found the small leather book hidden at the bottom.
A cold drop of water landed on his nose, making him shiver. He lifted the towel and dried his hair thoroughly before putting it back around his shoulders. Raising a hand, he tried to smooth his fluffy hair down again until it just about covered his right eye.
Another clap of thunder made him start. Fuck… he really hated thunder storms. He liked the look of them and all since they truly were beautiful and reminded him that there were still things out there to appreciate, but he really hated loud noises so it was no surprise that he wouldn't like thunder.
Hearing the man sitting across from him clear his throat, Harry blushed. "S-sorry. I do tha-that a lot." It did come in handy when he wanted to block out people and their taunts but when he actually wanted to pay attention it could get pretty distracting.
Harry looked up at Snape from beneath his lashes, still keeping his head tilted down slightly and to the side.
~*~*~
Severus watched Harry silently for a few moments. The boy really did remind him of a frightened deer. A wounded, frightened deer. Severus was not a stupid man; he could put two and two together quite easily here. It honestly made his blood boil to think of what could’ve happened since he’d seen the boy last that could have caused these injuries. He was almost screaming for needed attention, and it seemed to Severus that no one had ever bothered to look up before.
It was a struggle against every intelligent bone in his body not to start asking questions, but he knew better than that. Every abused animal would sooner bite you than let you help them, and the last thing he wanted to do was scare this young man away. The best thing to do right now was to keep him talking and see how things went from there.
His lips twitched for a second in what could have been a smile if it had lasted, and he said, “It is a vice of mine as well. Given the severe lack of intelligent conversation in our current environment it is not surprising. It might be a good idea to make more of an effort to stay focused on both our parts. Unlike our respective peers we are not here for idiotic bragging of vandalizing property and sexual conquests.”
Rising again, Severus opened another drawer in his desk and pulled out a thermos and two mugs (he always carried an extra incase one broke). Returning to his seat, Severus opened the thermos andpoured two glasses of hot chocolate, indicating Harry to take one if he wanted. Severus leaned back in his chair and took a sip of the rich steaming liquid before asking, “Might I inquire as too how long you have been writing poetry, Mr. Potter?”
~*~*~
Harry slipped a hand out from under the wet towel and pulled the mug toward him. He wrapped both of his hands around the large mug in a attempt to warm his cold fingers.
The younger man frowned, thinking over the question. He knew it had been for awhile.. ahh!
"Se-seven years sir." He started when he was eleven, when things had started to get more physical at home. At first they had just tormented him emotionally, which in it self was bad enough. But when he had turned eleven, he had been shocked when a fist had come flying at his face for the simple ‘mistake’ of getting up later than usual and forgetting to make them breakfast.
Sighing, Harry lifted the mug and took a sip. Mmm… it was surprisingly rich, just the way he liked it. He smiled slightly and took another sip, letting the warm liquid travel down his throat, soothing it like a balm.
~*~*~
Severus was more than a little surprised at Harry’s answer, but as per usual, none of it showed on his face. That would make him eleven years old when he started; even Severus hadn’t started that young. He glanced over at his student again, pleased to see that some faint color was showing itself in his pale cheeks. Although he still resembled a beaten creature, he did look slightly more relaxed which was exactly Severus’ goal.
“As I said before, we need to work on your dictation. Reciting poetry is nearly as important as the writing of it because it was meant to be heard, not read. Seeing that you already have an inclination towards the subject I do not believe it should be overly difficult for you to improve.” Severus paused to slide the leather book he’d been flipping through the day before over in Harry’s direction. “Why don’t you pick one from there and try reciting it. You seem to grasp emotions well, just try not to stutter. There is, after all, no reason for you to be afraid. I do not bite.”
~*~*~
Harry's smile grew slightly. No, he couldn't imagine his professor doing that. But it was hard not to be nervous around the man. It wasn't that he was really afraid, per ce… but, well, Harry just wasn't used to people actually being nice to him. Not that Snape was totally being nice, but he wasn't being cruel either. It was a lot better than the treatment he got at home and at school from his peers. They either ignored him or taunted him. Snape did neither.
Grabbing the book, Harry shrugged off the soaked towel, letting it drape across the back of his chair. Scanning the cover, he discovered that the book contained numerous authors. Flipping through it to find a poem he liked, Harry finally stopped and set it out before him. Holding the book down by the spine he took a deep breath and read over the words several times, trying to get a feel for the poem. He pictured himself back in his cupboard, alone, in darkness, with no one to hear him. Taking another breath, he began.
"Waiting by, L.Solitario
My walls are caving in,
Darkness smothers me.
I have no where to turn.
I have no one to help me.
No one wants to save me."
Harry paused for breath. He was starting to have second thoughts about reading this poem. Shaking his head, he continued.
"They can't see the pain reflected in my eyes.
They can't see that any moment I might collapse.
Collapse in sorrow,
in anger,
and in pain."
The young man frowned, blinking hard.
"I wish someone would see the pain I am in.
I wish I could be held by protective arms while I collapse.
I wish I could just be held,
But for now I will wait for the walls to collapse.
I will wait for protection that will never come.
I will wait for friendship,
I will wait for love."
He sighed and shut the book softly. Why had he chosen that poem? It had sounded good beforehand, but when he read it aloud… it was too close to reality for him. Closer than he would have liked it to be. If he had to read another one, he was going to make sure that it didn't reflect his feelings as much as that poem.
Harry frowned at the silence. The thunder had stopped just a little while ago, but the rain continued to pour just outside the large window. He hadn't even realized it had stopped. Raising his head, Harry stifled the yelp of surprise when he saw Snape lost in thought. He had forgotten the man was in the room. At least he hadn't stuttered at all. He usually didn't when he was reading to himself at home. He didn't have any reason to be nervous if he was by himself, but around people… who knew what they were going to say? Half the time it was never anything good. Thinking back on it, Harry could only remember the one time that he had received a compliment. And that was from Professor Snape himself. No one else had commented nicely on his poem reading skills. They just said that he stuttered like a fool and that he shouldn't bother to raise his hand if he wasn't going to talk right. So Harry never did…
~*~*~
Severus watched Harry intently as he read. His voice flowed over the words as though he had written them. It was a little shaky, but that only seemed to add to the effect of the poem. It was still no more than a suspicion but Severus definitely wanted to keep an eye on this young man. Something about him worried Severus. Coming back to the present, he looked up at Harry with the same critical look he always wore in class and simply said, "That was better." Arching a thin eyebrow towards his hairline he continued, " Now would you care to venture a guess as to why you were unable to perform to that level of ability in class?"
~*~*~
He didn't have to guess, Harry already knew why he was unable to talk clearly in class. But… saying that he was afraid of other people's opinions? How stupid did that sound? And he was positive that Snape never felt that way around people. The professor probably didn't care what people thought of him. But it wasn't like Harry could help having such a low self esteem, among other things. How was one supposed to feel good about oneself if they never believed in one's own abilities? Harry knew he was a bit above average when it came to writing, but he wasn't *that* good. There was always someone better, so why bother thinking anything more of yourself?
Harry sighed, trying to come up with an excuse that was believable and not as stupid as the truth. Looking up at the teacher the young man finally replied, "I'm shy." That was half the truth anyway. Besides, he was pretty good at lying, so usually other people wouldn't pick up on it. Then again... Snape was different. He'd probably be able to see through the lie.
The black haired teen tilted his head down, absently rubbing a hand over the abused flesh around his eye. He held back the wince as he tried to soothe the pain. It was really starting to throb for some reason. Maybe uncle Vernon had hit him harder then he thought?
~*~*~
Watching Harry intently, Severus replied, “Hmm, a pitfall of many artists I’m sure,” even though he wasn’t completely buying the 'shy' story. “Just let me remind you, Mr. Potter, that you have nothing to fear in my class… except maybe my grade book. Not even Mr. Malfoy will get away with haughty quips this year.”
Studying Harry, almost shrinking in on himself as he nursed his tender wounds, Severus finally let his forward nature have free reign. He reached out and deftly caught Harry’s chin between his forefinger and thumb, lifting it very gently so that he could clearly see Harry’s wounded face. He studied it very intently for a few moments, his features softening just the tiniest measurement. Releasing his chin just as quickly as he’d grasped it, Severus reached into his left breast pocket and pulled out a small vial of ointment. (Something he kept close at hand for his own little…problem.) “Willowroot and Aloe.” He explained abruptly. “They help ease the pain and bring down the swelling.”
~*~*~
Harry took the bottle, astonishment clear in his large green eyes. No one had ever.. 'fuck Harry! You will not cry; you will not cry!' He yelled at himself, repeating the words in his head. He wasn't going to get all sentimental in front of this man. It was bad enough that Snape had seen the bruise; he didn't need to see Harry's tears.
Sighing, the injured teen twisted the lid and poured some onto his fingers. Gently placing the vial on the table in front of him, Harry smoothed the cool cream over his right eye. It tingled unpleasantly, but he could already feel the dull throb dying down.
Putting the lid back on, Harry looked up at the surprisingly kind man. "Th-thank you." A light blush covered his pale cheeks before he ducked his head letting his hair fall into his face, covering his eyes in shadows.
He didn't know why his professor was helping him… he didn't know what was in it for him. Surely he wanted something? No one had ever helped him before, so why this man? Why would the one person that looked like he would rather treat him like his uncle did-does, help him? There had to be a catch. There was always a catch. He had learned that a long time ago. Whenever Vernon had started acting nice to him, he knew that he was either in deep trouble, or he was supposed to do something that he would regret later.
Harry sighed, rubbing the excess cream off on his damp pants. He really needed to change soon, he was probably going to get sick. Just great. It wasn't like his relatives would leave him alone. All those damn chores would just make it worse. Oh well, it wasn't like he could do anything about it.
Harry pushed the vial tentatively to the other side of the table, closer to Snape. Wrapping his arms around himself, the young man tried not to shiver.
~*~*~
Severus nodded silently at Harry’s thanks and watched the emotions play across the young man’s features with carefully removed observance. The last thing he wanted to do was push his luck in this overly complicated chess game. He had experience and, as many times as he wished he didn’t have it, it would help him here. But again timing was, as with most things, key. Timing and patience, would reveal what he wanted to know. He had seen the distrust flash in those expressive green eyes and if he intended to proceed he had to keep his wits about him.
Glancing at the young man again, Snape pushed the vial back in his direction and said, “Keep it. I have an entire herb garden to replenish my supplies.” Glancing once again at the pouring rain and then back to Harry, Severus stood and began to pack up his things for the day. “I believe that’s enough practice for one day, Mr. Potter. With time, we should be able to relieve you of your difficulties with dictation entirely.” Pulling a long black coat over his shoulders, Snape turned and looked again at Harry. “Judging from your soaked appearance, can I assume that you ventured here without any kind of umbrella?”
~*~*~
Harry pocketed the vial, nodded in thanks and stood up. He flushed when he felt his incredibly baggy pants slip just a little bit past his bony hip bones, exposing the ratty, too-big boxers on underneath. Pulling them back up, he tightened the cord around them, making sure something like *that* wouldn'thappen again.
Harry looked up at the taller man, frowning slightly. It wasn't like he had an umbrella in the first place. And he hadn't even realized it was raining while he was waiting outside for the bell to ring. "It wasn't raining wh-when I got he-here." Another half truth. For some reason he hated lying to this man.. even if it was an omission.
Turning slightly, Harry spotted the damp towel and lifted it up. "Wh-what should I do with th-this?" He asked, ringing the towel between his hands.
~*~*~
Severus’ eyebrow raised once again when Harry’s overly large pants slipped slightly out of place, but his face carefully betrayed no other emotion. Straightening his things up slightly, Severus’ only reply to Harry’s obvious half truth was, “I’m sure.” He wasn’t very pleased to hear the stutter return to the young mans voice. It seemed to disappear only when he was entirely comfortable and in his element.
Once he had his briefcase closed and in hand, Severus turned to see Harry ringing out his towel. “Just give it here and I’ll take care of it,” said Severus, gently taking it from Harry and folded it to rest over his briefcase. Regarding Harry once more, he took a few steps toward the door and said, “Come, I’ll give you a ride home.”
~*~*~
Shit… no… no! Harry shook his head. Glancing outside he saw how dark it had gotten while they were sitting here. He was slightly surprised at the amount of time that had passed, when really, it had only seemed like a few minutes. He knew his relatives would be there. And he couldn't let his professor see them! Maybe… maybe they would lay off him until Snape left?
The young man looked up, meeting Snape's dark, emotionless eyes, sighed, and nodded reluctantly. His brows creased in thought as he followed his teacher out the door. Harry waited a few seconds for his professor to lock the door, pick up his briefcase, and begin walking down the hall.
Harry felt incredibly tiny standing near the larger man. Especially when he had to almost jog to keep up with the man's longer stride.
Harry crossed his fingers behind his back hoping to God (though he didn't really believe in him) that Snape wouldn't meet his relatives, and if he did, his uncle and aunt would know better then to hit him right in front of a stranger -no- a professor, no less.
~*~*~
Severus walked silently through the halls and out the doorway of the school. Once outside he produced an umbrella and adjusted his stride slightly so that Harry could be protected from the downpour as well without quite having to jog. Once Harry was seated in the passenger’s seat, Severus neatly placed his things in the back seat and slid in behind the wheel. He proceeded wordlessly until he’d pulled gracefully out of the school's parking lot. Only then did he ask, “Where do you live, Mr. Potter?” Glancing over at the small, still mildly soaked boy beside him, Severus almost wished he didn’t have to take him back home. From everything he gathered, it couldn’t have been the best of places for him to go. Focusing hard, almost glaring menacingly at the road ahead, Severus willed away unwanted memories and focused on Harry’s next words.
~*~*~
Harry sighed. God... how he wished he didn't have to go home. His professor was surprisingly good company. He almost made him feel… calm, maybe even safe. But that was stupid. Sooner or later, Snape would find out about his home life and tell the authorities, who in turn would check out the house. Then of course, Harry would miraculously be all better and his relatives would put on the act. Then Snape would finally give up, and leave Harry with an even madder uncle. Just great…
"Nu-nu-number four Pri-Privet Dri-Drive." Fucking stuttering! He really wished he could control it. It was always a dead give away to how bloody nervous he was. Hopefully the professor actually understood him. All his other teachers would say they didn't understand what he was saying and would make him repeat it over and over again before he finally just stopped talking. It was incredibly embarrassing, especially in a room full of mocking students.
~*~*~
Even though he wasn’t looking, he could tell Harry was shaking a little; like a dog that had chewed out a corner of the carpet and was waiting for its master to come home and beat it. How could other people be so blind? Severus had this student for two bloody days and it was obvious he was profoundly unhappy. Even though he was reluctant to admit it. Not to mention that his choice of poetry didn’t do anything to dull Severus’suspicions. Glancing down at the wheel, he realized his knuckles had turned white from gripping the steering wheel so hard, and he loosened his grip slightly.
Severus nodded his understanding and took the next right, making his way to Harry’s neighborhood. He could feel his imagination getting the better of him, which would help no one. In an attempt to calm himself down, he started talking to Harry again. “I recommend that you practice reciting aloud whenever you can, it will help. I also recommend that we meet again. When is the next date available to you?”
~*~*~
Oh yes, because it's so easy to read in the dark. Harry sighed. There was no reason to start getting sarcastic. Snape didn't know about his home life, and Harry would make sure that he never did. Strangely enough, Harry wanted to spend more time with his professor. But Snape might end up talking to the authorities, who would in turn talk to his relatives, who would then act like the perfect family, but when they left he would immediately get beaten. Then, the next day he came to school (since Vernon wouldn't let him stay home, he personally drove him to school on those occasions) the teacher who reported him would see the horrible abuse, but not comment on it this time in fear of Harry getting beaten to a pulp the next time. That of course led to the teacher making sure that they stayed away from him and never look him in the eye. Harry didn't want that to happen to Snape. He actually found himself liking the older man. He was funny, kind, and intelligent; and he seemed like he cared, though he probably wanted something out of it. At least he acted like he didn't.
Harry ran a hand through his ebony locks. "Tomorrow af-after sc-school." His relatives would be home, but what the hell? He was going to get beaten anyway for being late since he was always forced to walk home. They wanted him home five minutes after the bell, but really, the walk home took at least half an hour. And that was on his good days, when he didn't have any injuries slowing him down.
~*~*~
“Tomorrow then,” Severus replied with finality in his tone. Severus wanted to say something else but fought the urge with a vengeance. Patience had always been a virtue attributed to him by his gardening skills. Problem was it was easy to wait for a plant to grow, or a lotion to simmer, because nothing of great importance depended on it. This had the potential to be very important.
Settling into something of a drawn out silence, Severus let his thoughts drift. Harry seemed reasonably intelligent and creative, but it was the distrust that looked so unnatural on his features that had sparked this special interest in the young man. That and those ‘mysterious’ bruises. It was simple; everything had a process. He had to gather facts, find out the truth and, if he was right (god forbid), find some way to gain the boy's trust. The trust would be the hardest part; Severus himself hadn’t trusted anyone in almost twenty years. Except for Lucius; but that was a different story.
Turning the last corner Severus slowly pulled up to Harry’s house; the rain seemed to have only gotten worse. Stopping in front of the driveway Severus’ right hand went again to his left arm; rubbing that traitorous patch of skin. “I will see you tomorrow, Mr. Potter,” Severus said in a tone slightly softer than usual.
~*~*~
Harry completely missed the parting statement and the unusual tone of voice, due to the extreme nervousness and fear that was building up inside him. It was so late… he really hoped that his uncle would be smart enough to abuse him where it wouldn't show. He didn't want to miss another day of school, and he wanted to see Snape tomorrow.
Stepping out of the sleek black car the young man placed a hand on his bulging pocket, touching the vial tenderly. Turning slightly, Harry looked to the side, rather then at his professor's face. He was still embarrassed at receiving help, but he wasn't the type of person not to say thank you.
"Th-thank you for the vial. I ap-appreciate it." (you don't know how much..) "I will be in to-tomorrow for sure." (I don't want to spend another day with the Dursleys when I can be semi-safe at school) "Thanks… for everything." Harry smiled slightly. Something flashed in the corner of his eye. Whipping his head around toward the living room window, the black haired teen saw his uncle and aunt staring out at him. Harry shivered. "I-I-I hav-have to-to go n-now." Oh god… he was going to be in so much trouble tonight.
Harry nodded at his professor and shut the door quietly. Not looking back, the frightened boy jogged up the steps and entered the medium sized house.
~*~*~
“You’re welcome,” Severus replied quietly to Harry’s back as he ran to his house. He hadn’t missed the smile or the fear that spread over the young boys face shortly after. It was all but written out for Severus in plain English. If he wasn’t being abused, then Severus needed whatever wakeup call would come to quiet his imagination. But he was so nearly sure; too many familiar things couldn't be ignored.
He wanted to stay by the end of the driveway longer (though what kind of protection he could have offered from there Severus didn’t know), but Severus knew better. Turning the key and pressing the gas he pulled away and rolled down the street, looking back until he couldn’t see Harry’s house in his rearview mirror anymore.
Severus wasn’t an idiot, he knew getting involved in this would be harder than getting the sun to spin around the earth, but Severus was a stubborn man who was more than capable of scaring even a few of his colleagues and he could never, ever stand back and watch something like this happen, “To someone else,” he murmured, rubbing circles over his left forearm almost all the way home.
~*~*~
"Who was that man?" His aunt asked, her voice a little *too* calm. Harry shrugged and looked down. A small hand slapped him across his face, leaving only a slight sting. "Answer me when I ask you something!" Harry sighed. Still keeping his eyes on the floor, he replied.
"Pro-professor Snape." His uncle placed a large hand on his shoulder. Harry's small frame almost collapsed under the weight.
"Did you tell him anything?" Harry shook his head.
"No sir. He was ju-just dri-driving me ho-home due to the r-rain."
"Why were you out with him in the first place?"
"H-he was hel-helping me wi-with my engli-english." Vernon let out a loud laugh, slapping him on the shoulder, causing Harry to bump into him.
"Doesn't sound like it's helping then!"
"What did we tell you about being late?" His aunt interrupted the man's laughter. Harry ducked his head further.
"Sorry ma’am." His uncle's grip on his shoulder hardened, making him wince.
"You were supposed to be staying here all day. You're the one that asked to stay home, and then you go to school? I think someone was just faking sick to stay home." Oh yes, because being in your company is just so stimulating. Harry thought sarcastically, surpassing a small grin.
"You hi-hit me on my face. Pe-people would have as-asked questions." Vernon made a 'hmm' noise. Suddenly, Harry was sliding across the hard floor, stopping with a 'thump' against the thick plaster wall. Fuck… he just knew his shoulder was going to be bruised tomorrow. At least it wasn't visible.
"That still doesn't excuse you, and don't even try to put the blame on me. It's your own fault for arriving late to clean out the gutters. It's always your fault, never mine, even though you constantly say that it's our fault. You're the one that's so stupid you can't even learn from your own mistakes. But maybe the lesson will be learned if it's forced into you."
Uncle Vernon walked over to him, picked him up by the scruff of his shirt (the shirt was so baggy that Harry almost fell right through the hole) and stood him up on his feet. "No wonder the others at school pick on you so much; you can't even defend yourself." 'It's kind of hard to defend yourself if you’re facing a larger man easily three times your own weight,' he thought bitterly.
Harry frowned and stood up straight. Vernon opened his arms and smirked at him. "Go ahead, hit me. Once in a lifetime opportunity." Harry scowled. He knew there were going to be consequences for it, but using his small form, he sped towards his uncle and kneed him heavily in the balls. Bony knees could really come in handy sometimes, Harry thought, grinning.
Vernon bent over with a groan. Still holding himself, the large man swung a fist out, knocking Harry in the side. Harry moaned in pain, holding his ribs. Shit! Fuck… that hurt…
Vernon finally righted himself, looking down at the incredibly small teen still holding his ribs and moaning in pain. He bent down and picked him up by his arm. Harry yelped, feeling the tendons in his shoulder strain as he was picked up from the ground.
Mr. Dursley continued to ignore Harry's cries of pain and walked out towards the hallway. Going to the steps, he opened the small door and threw the young man inside. Shutting the door with a bang, he locked it and closed the wooden panel over the window so no light would spill in.
The heavy steps faded away as Vernon went back the living room and his wife. Harry whimpered and grabbed his shoulder. Luckily the tendon hadn't ripped, but it had been strained. He sighed, suddenly extremely tired, but the pounding in his shoulder wasn't allowing him to get any rest. At least he knew enough not to move it. If he didn't move it for a long time, it should be healed in a month or two. Maybe he could make a sling?
Harry dragged himself to the small cot, reached under the bed with his uninjured left arm, and pulled up a baggy shirt. Ripping it carefully, he managed to create a shabby makeshift sling that didn't look very good, but at least it would do the job. The young man sighed and leaned back against the wall. Suddenly feeling an object digging into his hip, Harry dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out the vial. Maybe that would help a bit! Harry thought excitedly, praising Snape over and over again in his head. He really owed him now. The thought caused his mood to dampen... whatever. Harry shook his head and gently unscrewed the lid off. Slathering a heavy amount onto his shoulder, he hoped it would work; he really didn't want to miss school tomorrow.
Screwing the lid back on, Harry tucked the vial into the corner of his cot, making sure it was well hidden, just in case. He knew he was going to need it a lot in the future. Hopefully there would be enough there to help him heal the strained tendon. And if there was any swelling tomorrow, at least that cream that Snape had given him would take care of it.
Sighing, Harry gently maneuvered himself into a lying position. He barely even needed to scrunch up, he was so small. But his whole cupboard was the reason for him being small, so it was understandable. Well, that and being underfed. Harry grimaced at the pain in his side, but determinedly he shut his eyes; trying to block out the pain, he thought about the session with Professor Snape. With a small smile curving his lips, the black haired teen fell asleep.
CHAPTER 3: THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE CREATING A MUTINY
Severus paced his empty classroom with an air of restlessness that really was unbecoming to his stony reputation. He sat down on his chair with an agitated sigh and rubbed his temples gently in an attempt to clear his mind.
He’d had a horrible feeling all throughout the day and it was only lunch! At this rate, he’d be a perfect wreck by last period English. Normally, nothing could really agitate Severus, but this issue with Harry was really close to home. It hadn’t left him alone for a second after reading Harry’s poem. After that he’d had absolutely no peace of mind at all. He might have even frightened the math teacher, Minerva, with his more icy than usual mood this morning.
Dropping his hands, Severus’s eyes settled on his top left desk drawer. He’d been alone most of his life and as a result his herbalist hobby had grown quite extensively over the years; and with it his knack for meticulous preparation. That drawer was filled with a soothing vial he visited quite often, and a few others for any variety of classroom mishaps that might happen. You never knew with high school students.
With another small sigh he unbuttoned his shirt sleeve and rolled it up with a few deft movements before retrieving the black vial he wanted. He poured a little on his now bare left forearm and, after returning the vial to its drawer and closing it, he leaned back in his chair and began to rub it in with his right hand. His eyes drifted shut and he contemplated putting his neglected lunch away. He’d taken it out and arranged a few things on his desk shortly before the urge to start pacing took over him. Now, however, he wasn’t sure he had much of an appetite.
~*~*~
Harry always loved lunch periods. Ever since he learned his lesson to not approach others, he'd kept away from them and had always managed to find a comfortable place where he could read and write. At the moment he was leaning against a large oak tree with an English text book propped up by his upraised knees. He probably looked like an idiot, what with his very ugly sling and him reading out loud.
He had taken Professor Snape's advice and decided to try reading out loud to improve his dictation. Since he couldn't read in his dark cupboard he decided he'd try reading at lunch. He usually wrote poetry and small stories at this time but he figured that he could put that aside for awhile.
But he was still having a problem. There wasn't anything wrong with his dictation, there never was. That was because he was alone. There was no one there to make him nervous, which in turn would make him stutter as he read. Harry sighed, finally closing the book after spending half an hour reading out loud from it. Putting it in his book bag, Harry took out his worn out notebook that he had managed to steal from a classroom, claiming that he had needed another notebook because his other one was filled. That was from last year. He had planned on stealing another one, but Snape didn't look like he would be fooled. And students weren't allowed to use the notebooks for personal writing anyway. Snape looked like he always went by the rules.
He held the pen awkwardly in his left hand. He wished he was one of those people that could write with both their hands, but he could only write with his right one, which at the moment was stuck in a sling and would be for a month at the least. Harry closed his eyes, trying to think of something to write about. The darkness behind his lids reminded him of something..
Quickly opening his eyes Harry began to write about his life in the cupboard. His writing was incredibly messy, but he was careful enough that it was semi-legible. Writing the title at the top of the page, Harry smiled. He loved finishing poems. It always gave him a sense of completion, like he had just over come something. He wished he didn't have to write so small, but if he didn't then it never would have fit in the tiny space at the back. There was no other room in the notebook. Maybe he could write on the back cover?
The sound of the bell signaled the end of lunch. Harry placed his pen and notebook into his bag and awkwardly placed the strap over his shoulder. Holding onto it tightly, he set towards the stairs for third period.
~*~*~
The last period of the day had finally arrived, and Severus had managed to quiet his nerves enough to be his usual near icy self for the rest of his classes. He watched the class arrive and take their seats quietly, and he fought the urge to smirk. By now all of his classes knew better than to walk into his room with anything less then concentrated silence. His eyes swept over the room and rested on Harry. His arm was in a sling and Severus wished he could say that he was surprised. He didn’t say a word, but raised his eyebrow again towards his hairline as a way of getting across the message that the new injury had not gone unnoticed.
Glancing around the class once more, Severus passed back the poems the students had handed him from the day before. “I expected little from you to begin with, but I must say you still managed to shock me with the sheer lack of effort put into most of these poems. There were some of you who actually managed a halfway decent job of it, but I guarantee the rest of you will not survive the rest of this year without a great deal more effort. And I assure you I have no trouble failing each and every one of you.” Snape's lips twitched into the semblance of a smirk at Draco’s horrified expression upon seeing his grade. “For those of you who managed, however,” Severus continued, handing Harry back his poem, “You just might make it.”
Turning to stride back to the front of the classroom with his usual air of authority, Severus spent the first half of class lecturing on the various elements of poetry and giving notes, Potter’s poem still in the back of his mind. It was the one poem not marred with a wash of red ink and comments. He’d just placed the simple note: “Seven years of practice have not been lost on you.” He was unused to seeing an actual effort, but having it present in the class pleased him a great deal.
The last half of the class was spent on reciting poetry. “There will,” Severus said at one point, “be verbal tests on poetry. Reciting is half of the process. And let me add that I will assign a poem a week until you all get it right.” Things were a slight blur after that until the last five minutes of class or so.
Glancing at the clock Severus announced, “I believe we have time for one more poem. Mr. Potter, I do not believe you have read yet today.”
~*~*~
Harry smiled when he read the comment. So he really had been paying attention the other day, and not just making idle conversation like some other people tended to do. Still grinning, Harry folded his paper and placed it in his messenger bag.
The first half of class was extremely awkward, and Harry was really starting to get frustrated. He hated writing so messy! But he couldn't help it. At least he didn't have to hand these notes in like he had to in his previous classes. The teacher would start ragging on him as soon as they saw his papers. But when they took a look at his sling, they would fall silent and for the rest of the class they would take painful measures to avoid looking at him.
It felt like hours had passed before Snape finally called a stop to the lecturing and asked various students to read out loud. Sneaking glances at the clock (something he almost never did), he was hoping that he wouldn't have to read out loud today. He didn't want to disappoint the professor if he ended up stuttering again.
Hearing Snape's last statement didn't surprise him at all. Harry sighed and randomly flipped through the book, looking for a poem that was at least semi interesting. All the other poems that had been read out loud were so boring they were going to making him sleepy. Or maybe that was just the deliverers fault. Malfoy sure knew how to screw up a perfectly good poem.
Ahh! Harry stopped the page and placed his fingers against the spine, holding the book open. Closing his eyes, Harry took a deep breath. Imagining himself back in the courtyard under the oak tree, all by himself with no one else around, Harry started.
"Heart of Darkness, by Anonymous
O heart of darkness bleed
Reflect visions of stealth and greed
Simmer thought that is decreed
Amidst the elm and its seed
What is thy nature and it’s feed
Playing a lute or a reed
Spreading fast what is your speed
Turning evil into good deed
Breeding lust, Sin and greed."
The room erupted into giggles. Harry frowned, looking up. Shit, did they have to be so immature? Shaking his head, Harry continued.
"Who ta-takes lead u-upon your heed?
Bur-burning souls like tu-tumble weed
You are no-nothing but dar-darkness indeed."
Harry sighed. He knew he'd end up stuttering. He closed the book and tried not to slump down in his chair. 'I'm such an idiot!' he thought furiously. The throbbing in his shoulder that he had been able to ignore up until he was interrupted made him even more depressed. 'I can't do anything right.' Harry shook his head. 'Uncle Vernon was right.'
~*~*~
If looks could kill, the few who laughed would have been six feet under at the moment. Despite that, they certainly looked pale enough after they’d caught Severus’ eye. Looking back at Harry, and because he doubted he’d be able to see the slight, but still there curve in his lips, he spoke in tone decidedly softer than usual (not that anyone but Harry was paying any attention, “Well done, Mr. Potter.”
Sweeping his gaze over the rest of the class, Severus’ voice shifted back into the hard authoritative tone he usually carried. “I encourage all of you to practice reading aloud in attempts of improving your so far dismal skills. Poetry is,” Severus continued, all but glaring at the few who’d laughed earlier, “a very serious subject and I expect you to start treating it as such.”
A few moments later the bell rang and the class all but stampeded out into the hall, no doubt wanting nothing more than to be rid of Severus for the day. Severus watched them go with a frustrated sigh and closed the classroom door against the din of the end of the school day. Striding back to his desk he moved his chair around to where he’d talked with Harry the last afternoon. As he sat down he said in a still authoritative voice, but not nearly as sharp as in his regular classes, “You might want to come up to the first row Mr. Potter, it would be infinitely easier to talk that way.”
~*~*~
Harry sighed. He'd heard the tone of voice professor Snape had used when he complimented him, but he still couldn't help degrading himself. He should have been able to block out the sounds of the classroom, he should have continued to imagine he was alone in the courtyard.
Harry stood up and slid the strap onto his good shoulder before trudging to the front. Sitting down in the chair he had used yesterday, Harry looked up into dark eyes watching him intently. Reclining, so he could press his back against the chair to relax a little bit, he winced at the stabbing pain of his side and his shoulder when it came into contact with the hard plastic of the chair. Damn uncle Vernon..
~*~*~
Severus clucked his tongue lightly at Harry’s wince and his gaze shifted down to the sling on his arm. He rested his gaze there a few moments, unsure of what to say before finally settling on, “It would appear that dictation is not your only problem these days, Mr. Potter.” Severus knew it might have been better to start with a statement about Harry’s earlier dictation, but seeing the poor young man wince after watching him struggle though class with a sling, one obviously constructed by himself, he just couldn’t help it.
Meeting Harry’s slightly pained gaze with an attentive, rather than harsh, expression, Severus tilted his head slightly to one side and awaited a response. He hoped he hadn’t overstepped his boundaries too soon.
~*~*~
Harry sighed. He wished he was in more control of showing his emotions. If he'd have been anything like Snape, then he never would have been questioned. Snape didn't look like he would show any type of emotion that could be used against him. 'I wish I was like that,' Harry thought wistfully.
Placing a hand on his side, ridiculously hoping that would help to ease the pain, Harry gave a small nod. There wasn't much to say to a statement like that.
~*~*~
Watching Harry intently for a few moments, Severus debated with himself whether or not to proceed further. This was very dangerous ground, and a misstep could frighten Harry away; that was the last thing he wanted. Severus couldn’t help himself as he watched Harry wince again. Crossing his fingers he said, “Mind if I make a few adjustments to that sling? I’ve had a lot of experience, and it would support your arm better.”
~*~*~
Harry frowned, debating on whether or not to let Snape help him. 'Well, it's not like he hasn't helped me before. Besides, it was his own potion that got the swelling down on my eye and on my shoulder'. Harry finally nodded, waiting for the taller man to proceed. At least with better support his shoulder should heal faster, although he couldn't do much about his bruised side.
~*~*~
Severus leaned forward slightly and with very gentle, agile touches, pulled the sling a little tighter and secured the knot so that it wouldn’t come undone without Harry wanting it too. Severus pulled back, examined his work, and nodded, showing his satisfaction with the sling.
“For someone who obviously had to make that one handed, you did a good job with it,” Snape said, meeting his eyes again. 'Much better than I could’ve managed at that age,' he thought to himself, not quite daring to speak the words allowed.
~*~*~
Harry snorted. Maybe that was because he had a lot of experience doing it. Seeing the professor raise an eyebrow at him, Harry shook his head. "Th-thanks." Like hell he was going to state his previous thought. Snape didn't need to know that. He was really starting to wonder though about his professor.. all the other teachers had either given up by now, or would have called the authorities. The injured teen was tempted to ask why, but he figured that he would just be putting the idea into Snape's head if he mentioned it.
Harry looked down at the sling. It actually looked a little more stable now. And the throb wasn't as bad, maybe because it was closer to his body? He really wished the damn ache in his side would go away though. From the last time he had checked, the bruise looked like it was close to going down. Maybe when it was faded a bit more, it wouldn't hurt as much. Hopefully his uncle wouldn't hit him again there. There was only so much he could handle. Next time he could end up with a cracked rib, and it wasn't like he could seek medical attention for that. His relatives sure didn't care.
~*~*~
“You’re welcome,” Severus replied calmly, although it was really grating on his nerves that he seemed to keep hitting a dead end in the conversation. 'Like you would’ve been so willing to give up information?' his inner voice chided. 'Oh bloody shut up!' he replied, before he reminded himself that having a conversation in his head would not help things now.
With a soft sigh, he felt his right hand drifting over to his left forearm. 'You could always show him,' Prompted that traitorous voice in his head. It was an option, but somehow… Severus just couldn’t. Frowning very slightly he met Harry’s gaze again. Could he?
Deciding he’d better change the subject before he got to far along that train of thought, Severus said, “You did much better in class today. Try not to let those other depraved students get to you.”
~*~*~
Harry's full lips curved into a small smile. He really liked Snape's sense of humor. Not many people found comments like that funny, but Harry did. He made those types of statements all the time to himself. Actually.. for a moment there, it had looked like the taller man was actually talking to himself. Harry's grin widened, a spark of mischievousness lurked in his emerald eyes.
"You must be good at multi-tasking."
~*~*~
Severus felt his lips pull in a smile, that almost mirrored Harry's, despite himself. It was a terrible shame to see pain and fear mar his features; he really did have a nice smile. The polar opposite of the sneer he could already tell was commonplace with the infuriating Malfoy. It was good to see Harry smile.
Blinking in confusion at Harry's statement, Severus tilted his head to one side, furrowing his brow slightly and asked, "What do you mean?" He wasn’t sure what to make of the mischievousness lurking in his eyes, but at least it wasn’t distrust.
~*~*~
Harry smiled. "You were talking to yourself just then. I remembered that you mentioned that you talk to yourself in your head, because your conversations with yourself were more intelligent. And you paused for a long time just then so, obviously, you were talking to yourself while you were talking to me." Harry grinned. At least he had one more thing in common with his teacher.
Meeting Snape's eye, Harry found himself smiling more. The usually somber man really did have a nice smile. The young man tilted his head to the side, eyes going wide behind his large glasses. "You have a beautiful smile." Harry frowned when said smile faded back into it's neutral line.
Harry sighed, his own smile fading. 'I obviously over stepped the line.' The young man put his head down, letting the ebony locks shade his face from view. 'I'm such an idiot. That's what I get for being too forward.'
~*~*~
Severus frowned when he noticed Harry’s mood dampen noticeably. He didn’t smile often and he had been very unprepared for the young mans blunt comment. It was disheartening to see him crumble so quickly. 'Such an observant young man, obviously not so far gone that he can’t smile. This is so frustrating,' Severus thought to himself. He was torn between being happy that Harry had actually smiled and the fact that he had faltered so soon.
Floundering for something to say, Severus finally just slid the poetry book across to Harry again and said in a neutral tone, “Perhaps you should try reading aloud again. It seemed to have helped a lot in today’s class reading.”
~*~*~
Harry sighed and grabbed the book. Doing his normal routine of flipping through the pages, the small teen finally stopped on a poem that caught his eyes.
"When It Comes To Dealing With People, by Milky way
If ev-everyone could tell the truth,
the world would be a be-better place.
If everyone co-could tell the diff-difference between lie and truth,
the wor-world would be a better place.
So why do people tell 'little white lies'?
Is it sup-supposed to make us feel better?
If you promised some-someone to be there for them when they fall into a pit of emotions,
is it not a lie when you won't even be th-there for the person phys-physically?
So let me give you some advice that I've found useful.
When it comes to dealing with people,
always be straight for-forward and direct.
Don't te-tell them that it'll be alright,
when you know it wo-won't.
Don't tell th-them you'll fix ev-everything,
when you know you can't.
Don't tell them you kn-know what they-re going through,
when you co-could never begin to im-imagine the hurt they feel.
Don't tell them lit-little white lies,
be-because you will regret it later."
Harry frowned and placed his chin on his good hand. He hadn't meant to stutter.. but he had forgotten to create that image for himself of being alone. "I-I'm sor-sorry." He couldn't even bare to look up at his professor, too afraid to see disappointment in those obsidian eyes. Like in all his other teachers when he couldn't stop stuttering. No matter what he did, Snape was no different. Sure he was kinder then most, funnier then most, but sooner or later he would want Harry's debt to him paid off.
At least he wasn't gay, so no sexual payment would be in order. Even though Harry thought that the older man did look good for his age, he couldn't really see himself with the sullen man. Besides, Harry didn't want a one night stand, he didn't do those. For all he knew, that was probably what Snape did every weekend, or maybe he sat at home by himself. Either way, he was still a teacher. Snape seemed like the type of man that had high morals, ones that he would never disregard, no matter how tempting the offer. And Harry had to respect that in the man, not many people were that honorable.
~*~*~
Severus watched Harry struggle through the poem with an inward sigh. This was definitely going to be harder than he imagined. But, he thought as he watched Harry start to mope again, it would be worth it. Sadness and other such emotions were very unbecoming in those large, emerald eyes.
“Never apologize for trying, Mr. Potter. If poetry was easy, I would be out of a job. You do well enough on your own with the writing part; it’s just the dictation that needs work. Whatever it is you tried yesterday worked well enough, so try that again. And if it doesn’t work a second time, do not be afraid to ask questions. That is why I am here after all: to see you improve however slow or fast the pace.”
Looking over Harry’s slim form again, Severus was glad he’d managed to keep his thoughts in order. There was no telling what Harry’s reaction would be to such a forward gesture, one with which wasn’t like Severus to begin with anyway. It was all these bad memories this situation was bringing up that was making it so hard to see where to draw the line. And not to mention what could have happened if he’d had to explain the mark? Even if he was abused at home, there was no telling whether or not he’d freak out finding out that his teacher was gay. No, Severus was sure now that he’d take that bit of the past with him to his grave as he’d originally planned… even if his inner voices wouldn’t shut up about it. Maybe he was becoming schizophrenic? That’d be a nice touch to his resume.
CHAPTER 4: COMFORT AFTER HOURS
Rubbing his hands against his arms, Harry shivered. 'Why do I have to get cold so easily, it makes me look like even more of a wuss,' he thought disgustedly. It didn't really help that he had next to no body fat or even thick muscles. Sure he had 'some', it was kind of hard not to build a little muscle from doing all those chores. Sighing, he tried to surpass the shivers, even though it would probably make him a little bit warmer. He really needed some good sweaters.. even though it was summer time.
Harry gave a small smile when the last line of Snape's little speech finally registered to him. It was nice to know that he would be there for him, no matter how long it took. Not - well, more like no one - many people in his life had told him that they'd be there for him. So it was nice to hear it from his professor. The man seemed like the type that would never go against his word, so Harry felt almost... safe in the knowledge that his teacher would be there for him. Well.. at least for this anyway. If Snape found out he was gay and the way he lived.. who knew? But it was a nice idea to believe in for now, or however long it lasted.
Harry shook himself from his thoughts and flipped through the book again. He smiled slightly when he found the perfect poem. This time he remembered to close his eyes and picture himself alone, leaning against his favorite oak tree while reading a book of poems out loud to himself. Opening his eyes, his gaze stayed fixed on the book in front of him as he read.
"The Shadow-Lover by, Vanyel.
Shadow-Lover, never seen by day,
Only deep in dreams do you appear.
Wisdom tells me I should turn away,
Love of mist and shadows, all unclear-
Nothing can I hold of you but thought
Shadow-Lover, mist and twilight wrought.
Shadow-Lover, comfort me in pain.
Love, although I never see your face,
All who'd have me fear you speak in vain-
Never would I shrink from your embrace
Shadow-Lover, gentle is your hand
Never could another understand.
Shadow-Lover, sooth me when I mourn
Mourn for all who left me here alone,
When my grief is too much to be borne,
When my burdens crushing-great have grown,
Shadow-Lover, I cannot forget-
Help me bear the burdens I have yet."
Professor Snape's sneeze interrupted Harry's easy flow of words. The young man looked up, meeting Snape's gaze. The man's pale hand was over his nose and mouth and he was also frowning slightly as he met Harry's gaze. Harry gave a small grin when he saw the faint traces of embarrassment and even fainter traces of concern in the professor's dark eyes. Looking down at his book, strangely enough, Harry didn't bother to put the image of him alone with his poetry in his mind. Instead, he read the rest of the poem knowing, feeling and seeing (from just underneath his lashes) Professor Snape sitting in front of him.
"Shadow-Lover, you alone can know
How I long to reach a point of peace
How I fade with weariness and woe
How I long for you to bring release.
Shadow-Lover, court me in my dreams
Bring the peace that suffering redeems.
Shadow-Lover, from the Shadows made,
Lead me into Shadows once again.
Where you lead I cannot be afraid,
For with you I shall come home again-
In your arms I shall not fear the night.
Shadow-Lover, lead me into light."
Harry frowned, thinking over the words. It was obvious that the person in the poem wanted death, embraced it really. Because of their heavy burdens, because of their loneliness and sense of helplessness. And instead of death being portrayed as evil and lonely, it was portrayed as being an eternal lover. Where, in its arms you would never feel pain or loneliness again. You would never have any more burdens. The darkness, was really that person's light, their path to freedom and happiness. Death was portrayed as a welcome relief from life.
Harry had thought about death, life, reincarnation and all that before. He had even thought about taking his own life, numerous times in fact. But he'd always stopped himself from that final step, still having the hope that someday he would find the man that would make him happy for the rest of his life.
He wasn't naive by any means, he knew that all relationships, no matter how blissful and full of love, always had the bad qualities: fights, heartbreak, pain, anger and jealousy. But eventually, if you were meant to be and knew how to work things out, everything would be okay.
Harry had always wanted that, and that one small dream was what was keeping him from falling off the edge and into 'Shadow-Lover's' arms. Harry never cut himself or anything like that, he had enough pain in his life that he didn't need to be inflicting even more damage on himself. Besides, he had relatives for that.
*~*~*
A smile, however brief, graced Snape's features when Harry was done. He'd felt some tension in the younger man ease after he'd encouraged him. However small the victory, Snape felt very proud of both himself and his student. "Well done, Mr. Potter, much improved." Running another critical gaze over the young man's form, he noted his lips were tinged just slightly blue. Standing, he strode to his closet and retrieved his coat absentmindedly; it would not to do have any student freeze to death.
He gently placed it over Harry's shoulders and sat back down again. "Now, do you think you can achieve that level of skill in class, Mr. Potter? I realize your peers are often hard to ignore, but if you think about it, I'm the only one that's really listening. It's infuriating how few students actually care these days." Snape mumbled the last sentence before he could really stop himself; he wasn't used to sharing any feelings other than thoughts of improvement with students.
With the smallest possible hint of embarrassment, Severus settled back in his seat to await Harry's answer, actually resisting the urge to smile back at him. It was surprising how much closer to home the case of this particular student stuck, and the knowledge that not everything was under his control was quite unsettling.
~*~*~
Harry smiled and pulled the long, black, and surprisingly warm coat closer to his small frame. The coat was so large compared to him, that he was able to completely cover himself from head to toe in the soft and heavy cloth.
The black haired teen tilted his head, thinking over Snape's question. It was true that over half the class didn't really listen, even if they were in the top class. Harry didn't really understand how they could have gotten good enough marks to make it into the A level when they didn't pay attention in class, and handed in homework that was less than decent or just border-line of good.
Oddly enough, it actually made Harry feel better to know that only Snape would be the one to listen. Sure he was a bit afraid of letting him down by disappointing him in his dictation, but he was close to positive that he would be able to clearly read the poem when the professor called on him.
But.. what about the after school meetings? Surely the older man would call them off once Harry was able to perfect his dictation in class? That would mean less beatings of course, but he would miss the easy company of the somber man. Maybe.. maybe he could just screw up the odd time, so it looked like he still needed help. Actually, Harry didn't even need help. All he had to do was picture himself in that field and he'd be able to read fine. Of course he'd have to ignore his peers, but that was easy enough. He did it everyday of his life. But still.. Snape would stop the lessons if he got too good. It wasn't like Harry needed help in anything else. He was a good student, he always studied for tests and quizzes, he reviewed his notes when he was able to, and besides his speech, there wasn't much to improve on.
The professor had said to him to feel free to ask questions.. though Harry doubted his question was the kind the teacher had meant.
"What happens when my dictation improves? Will.." The young man shook his head and looked down at the table, pulling the coat even closer to him when a chill racked his body. He really didn't want to end these lessons. Although… what would they do once he improved? Like he had already thought, there wasn't anything he could improve on that would require Snape's assistance. So maybe that would be it? Maybe when he improved his speech pattern then Snape would ignore him just like all his other teachers eventually did.
~*~*~
Snape watched Harry hug the coat closer with mild amusement. It made him look even smaller and more vulnerable than before. It was amusing, but frustrating at the same time, another reminder of how complicated things could possibly get. Severus had no doubt he could handle it, it was just such an abrupt disruption to the routine he was so used to. It wasn’t like he hadn't thought of the possibility of a scenario like this before, but to have it actually happen was very surreal.
He could see the question in Harry's eyes long before he vocalized it, but he had to hear him say it. It had been weighing on his mind too. Harry was a very quick study; he'd noted from their first session and the fact that he might improve before they could build up much open communication was unsettling. But what could he do? If Harry improved he couldn't very well have him keep staying after; it would look way too suspicious.
Then again he couldn't just stop. Harry obviously needed someone to talk to. After a short, but seemingly long silence, Severus said, "Well, there will no longer be a need for you to stay after and work on it then. However, if you wish to discuss poetry and what not, I would not be adverse to the idea. It doesn’t look like you'll get much intelligent conversation from your peers anyway." It was a risk, Severus knew it, but he could not just stop now when he'd made so much progress.
~*~*~
Harry smiled brightly. He knew he probably looked like an idiot, but he was really happy that Snape had voiced that option. At least now he wouldn't have to deceive the older man, something he hadn't really wanted to do in the first place. "That would be nice. I don't really have a lot of people to talk to - about poetry." He rushed to say. God, did he have to make himself seem like such a naive and helpless child? Snape wouldn't care about his lack of friends, the man himself probably had no one to talk to either. Though he probably didn't talk to anyone for his own reasons, unlike Harry, whose age group wasn't very intelligent and mature.
It wasn't that Harry acted serious all the time, he knew when to have fun. Sometimes that's all he wanted to do, was to act like a child. But other times.. he wanted someone to discuss serious issues with. And so far, Harry hadn't been able to find anyone like that. He highly doubted Snape was the type to let himself go occasionally. At least he was someone to talk to, even if it was about poetry.
Harry titled his head down, looking at his hands. The high collar tickled his nose and he took a deep breath. He grinned when he smelled the faint traces of some kind of cologne mixed with a smell that he could quite trace. Maybe it was Snape's soap? His hair was long enough to brush against his shoulders, so it would obviously leave a trace of the shampoo on the collar and shoulders. The young man pouted, making himself look even younger then he usually did. 'I wish I could smell that good, but it's kind of hard when I'm only allowed to wash myself outside with the damn hose and nothing else.' Harry sighed and loosened the coat slightly. He was starting to warm up, but he knew that he'd feel chilly again in no time. He left the coat to drape casually on his small shoulders.
~*~*~
Severus’ lips twitched in the shape of a smile for a moment. It was unnerving how easy it was to do that around this particular student. Still it was really good to see him smile; his deep, bright eyes and full lips seemed to be crafted more for that than anything else. Plus it was hard not to smile seeing Harry snuggling into his coat like that, it was good he felt safe enough to smile here. “Well,” Severus said at last, “you may always feel free to talk to me.” He was very careful in leaving the phrase ‘about poetry’ out of that sentence. Eventually he wanted to talk about a great deal more than poetry.
As if reading his mind, that infuriating bit of bad memories incarnate started to smart again. ‘I really should put more ointment on it,’ he thought to himself, but wasn’t about to do so while Harry was there. They had better things to discuss than that.
~*~*~
The black haired teen frowned, thinking that statement over. He hadn't missed the lack of school related subject in that sentence. But could he really go to Snape with... anything? He highly doubted it. He may be comfortable around the older man, but he couldn't see himself sharing his past with him. Maybe when they got to know each other more? No.. Harry shook his head subconsciously. That would be stupid. If he told Professor Snape about his life at home, then the professor would obviously do his job and go to the principle, who in turn would call Children’s Aid. And then Harry would be worse off then he was before.
But at least he could talk about other things with Snape. He just had to make sure it wasn't about anything to do with his home-life or child hood. Maybe if he just opened up a bit... but could a teacher and a student really be friends? What about the age difference? What about the status difference? Harry sighed. Why did life have to be so complicated?
Harry sighed again and looked up. He frowned when he saw Snape scratching at his forearm again. Maybe it was a nervous tick just like Harry's stuttering was? Wouldn't hurt to ask, right?
"Are you nervous or something?" He finally asked, looking down at the black clad arm. Did the somber man wear anything besides the color black?
~*~*~
Severus resisted a start when he heard Harry’s voice. He looked curiously over at his black haired student for a few moments. ‘Nervous,’ he thought, ‘Why would I be nervous? I’m only tempting fate to bring about a situation which could get me fired if everything goes as planned. And the fact that I can’t control everything in this is making my crazy, so naturally I’m the picture of serenity.’ Taking a few mental breaths, Severus thought again, ‘But of course I can’t say that out loud.’
That was when he noticed the direction of Harry’s gaze and followed it to his arm. ‘Damn. That keen observation again.’ Normally Severus would politely tell any student who asked, which they never had, that it wasn’t any of their business, but things were different with Harry, and Severus had the sinking suspicion they always would be. After a few moments of intense mental deliberation, Severus decided to take the middle ground.
Looking up at Harry again he said, “No, it’s not a nervous habit. It’s just an old injury that acts up from time to time.” Glancing briefly at Harry’s arm he dared to add, “something it seems we both have experience in.”
~*~*~
For some odd reason, Harry could tell that the man wasn't telling the full truth. Frowning, he decided to leave it at that. It wasn't like it was his business anyway. Though Harry really didn't like being lied to, even if it was by omission, it was Snape's business, and it wasn't like he could do anything to make his professor tell him the full truth.
Harry glanced at his arm, following his teacher's gaze. Ahh, must be a child hood injury then. "I have a few scars too from my past… so it's understandable that you wouldn't want to tell me exactly what caused it." Harry smiled sadly. Everyone had their scars, both inside and out, some more then others. He was beginning to suspect that this man had his share of them too. Another thing they sadly had in common.
Harry frowned when he saw the his professor give the barest of winces. Maybe that scar pains him? Harry had found that even his oldest of wounds, no matter how healed they were or how old, sometimes hurt. But it had always helped to rub something cool over it, or sometimes something warm, depending on the type of cut. Maybe Snape was the same way? It was probably his presence that was stopping the man from putting any ointment on. Harry frowned. He'd always wished he had ointment or some other kind of cream to put on his scars and open wounds, but he had always had to use what ever was on hand. And ointment was definitely not cheap, or even remotely accessible to him. He didn't want to be too blunt or anything.. but he wanted to let the teacher know that he wouldn’t look or anything if he wanted to rub something on the scar.
Harry picked up the poetry book and tilted his head down enough that his hair completely blocked his vision of the professor sitting across from him. "Sometimes… it helps to put something on them. I never like people looking at mine, so I usually do it when no one else is looking." Harry winced. That sounded so stupid, but it should easily get the point across. And he had promised not to look, well, the message was there anyway.
~*~*~
Severus regarded Harry calmly for a few moments. It showed grace on his part to offer Severus an out if he felt uncomfortable having him see his scar, and Severus was very tempted to take it. However, how could he expect to gain Harry's trust if he didn't show a little faith himself? After a deep breath, that he really hoped was silent, Severus gently pushed Harry's poetry book down to the desk and said, "Well, if we share this difficulty, it would be rather foolish of me to hide wouldn't it?" It was simple and slightly blunt, as Severus usually was. It was hard knowing Harry would most likely leave the school knowing something he'd hoped to take to his grave, but if it would help Harry it was worth it.
Reaching into his pocket, Severus produced a small black vial and with both hands he forced himself not to shake as he undid the button at the cuff of his shirt and rolled it up, revealing a small pink triangle with the point facing his wrist, a raised mark about the size of a sliver dollar that had obviously been slowly burned into his skin. Not chancing to look up at Harry, Severus dripped some ointment onto it and began rubbing it into the mark; his thoughts racing all the while.
~*~*~
Harry gave a small smile when Snape pushed the book down. Lifting his head, his smile quickly faded. He knew how hard this was for the man, a person who obviously never shared anything personal with anyone. It was obvious that this scar was incredibly personal to him.
Harry looked down at his arm when the sleeve was rolled out of the way. He gasped quietly at the raised mark. It wasn't very big, but it looked like it had been painful. No wonder the scar sometimes hurt the man. It might have been phantom pains, since Harry himself sometimes got them, which were usually caused by a situation that reminded the wearer of the event that had caused the mark. Harry had gotten burns before, so he knew how painful it could be, though they had never actually been shaped like anything.
It really showed a lot of trust for Snape to show Harry his scar, a scar that was obviously very personal to him. Though that didn't really mean that he would tell Harry about how he got it, it was still far more personal than he had expected to get with the man. 'I guess it's not too bad if I talked to him about my past either. Well, more like my present, since it's all the same. He trusted me with this… so I can trust him too… at least, I think so.'
Harry stood up slowly, so as not to startle the silent man. Walking the short distance between them, he gently took the man's large hand away from the mark and started rubbing the ointment in himself. He knew he was being a bit forward, but he had had an urge to just… touch it. To somehow get closer to the mysterious professor. He really hoped he wouldn't be pushed away. But he hated to see anyone in pain, and he hoped to bring some relief to the ache that the scar caused.
~*~*~
Severus was a little shocked when he felt Harry start to rub in the ointment himself and let out a small gasp, but didn’t push him away. More then anything he was surprised that Harry wasn’t repulsed by the scar, but then again, he probably had a lot of experience with them himself; something Severus wanted to bring to a halt as soon as he could, even if he wasn’t quite sure how. Yet.
He watched the raven haired teen intently, noticing traces of concern etched on his features; another surprise. He’s been so focused on helping Harry it never even entered his head that they’d become friends as a result. It was an interesting concept that Severus found he rather enjoyed. They both, he guessed, could use a friend.
It was a few moments more before Severus quietly said, “Thank you,” to Harry. Pleased at the way things had gone and the progress made, Severus let his tension ease under Harry’s hand.
~*~*~
The young man smiled at the quiet statement of gratitude. He didn't pause in his movements, even when he felt Snape's muscles relax under his fingers. "It's not a problem," he said, equally quiet, "I know how it feels to have phantom pains." Looking up, he met the professor's gaze. "And I'm not disgusted by the mark either. It's just another show of something that you were able to move on from. I have a few of them myself.." Harry looked down, not quite sure if he wanted to continue. But.. .Snape had trusted him with the knowledge, so it was only right that Harry should return some of that faith.
"I never show anyone, just as I'm sure you don't either. So... thanks for trusting me with that knowledge. I won't tell anyone if that's what your worried about. I know how personal it must be to you." Harry said, looking straight into the older man's dark gaze. The feeling of smooth skin underneath his hand finally registered. The ointment had obviously dried, but Harry didn't really want to remove his hand. Letting it rest there, he glanced down at the joined flesh.
There wasn't much difference between their skin tones. Harry was slightly tanned from being outside all those times, but he was still paler than most people, although he was darker then his professor. The veins on the top of the professor’s hand were also very prominent since he obviously didn't have much skin on them.
He felt a bit uncomfortable when he finally noticed the difference of their clothing though. While Snape's shirt was loose, it looked like it had been tailored to his slim form. Harry's.. well, his was just large. It didn't even come close to hugging his frame. Even at the present moment, he could feel the wide collar of his shirt slipping off his left shoulder, due to his movements with that arm. He didn't bother fixing it though, he didn't want to remove his hand from Snape's forearm and call attention to it. He also couldn't fix it with his other arm since it was in a sling. He felt his cheeks get hot, so he tilted his head to the side slightly, letting his hair drape over the exposed shoulder. The coat had already been dropped on the back of the chair when Harry had stood up, so he didn't have it's warm presence draped around him anymore.
~*~*~
Severus met Harry’s gaze he spoke, his features relaxing into the ghost of a smile before he could stop them, and he didn’t really care once they had. It was brave of the teen to offer so much when he’d obviously been hurt by so many times before. Severus felt privileged to have the opportunity to help him. More than anything he really wanted to help him get away from those that beat him and get him somewhere where he’d be treated just as kindly as he was treating him.
Noticing Harry’s blush and overly large shirt slipping off one shoulder, Severus leaned forward and pulled it up again without another thought. “You deserve better.” he murmured without even realizing it. He wanted to say more but managed to bite his tongue in time. He'd made a lot of progress today and he really didn't want to push it.
~*~*~
Harry jumped at the gentle touch, causing the shirt to slip again. He backed up slowly, his hand falling back to his side. He looked at the professor with large eyes veiled behind thick black glasses. "I-I.. no..no one ha-has e-ever.." He looked down at his shoulder, the lightly tanned skin there still warm compared to the rest of his cold flesh.
No one had ever touched him before.. not like that anyway. He'd only had pain after someone touched him, so needless to say, he wasn't used to being touched in a gentle manner. Surely the man would... do something now? Uncle Vernon never left it at that, he always hit Harry after any kind of contact with him, saying that he had a disease and that he shouldn't go near him. Well, it was kind of hard not to accidentally brush up against a man that was so large that he took up the door way to the small house they lived in. It wasn't totally Harry's fault.
But he had never had someone hold him when he cried from a nightmare or serious wound. He barely remembered the feeling of a mother and father's touch from when he was a baby. Ever since his parents had died, which happened when he was around nine months old, he had never been touched again. At least, not in a loving manner. Even when aunt Petunia hadn't even bothered to touch him when he was a babe and he couldn't wash himself. Instead, she had taken a hose to him. It wasn't that bad.. at least he was a bit more immune to getting a cold from cold water.
She had never once laid a hand on him when he was younger. The only time she touched him was when he had done something bad and she slapped him. After slapping him, she would tell him to wait in his room until Vernon came home and could deal with him. And Uncle Vernon had definitely dealt with him when he had gotten home from work... Those usually ended up being the worst beatings since Harry had disturbed Vernon's wife. It was only fair that he pay the consequences of his actions.
~*~*~
Severus straightened his back in surprise at Harry’s reaction, cursing himself for pushing boundaries to soon. It wasn’t as if he’d never removed a hat from a student who refused to listen to him the first time, but it was different with this particular student. He watched panic flood the young teens face like a deer who’d stumbled on a quiet hunter and inwardly cursed himself again. He remained seated with a plain neutral expression he’d used so often on his face, trying to think of the best thing to do.
He searched Harry’s deep emerald eyes for a few minutes, feeling great concern for the teen, but trying not to show it. Maybe it had been too long for him, too much time had passed for him to remember what life had been like at 17; he’d have to be more careful. The last thing he wanted to do was drive Harry away by being too forward.
Bowing his head slightly; midnight strands brushing past his collar and into his eyes briefly before he raised his head again he said, “I’m sorry” quietly; not trusting anything else he could say other than that.
~*~*~
Harry's eyes widened. He hadn't mean to do that! He was such an idiot! Now Snape was probably thinking that he was a freak because of the way he had reacted. It wasn't even that big of a deal really. The only thing the man had done was fix his shirt for him. It was like any other kind of touch that a teacher gives their students. But Harry had never even had a teacher touch him before. They avoided him like the plague. If he accidentally forgot to take a hat off when he came inside, the teachers would tell him to take it off. Sometimes he didn't hear them because he was so occupied in his thoughts, but they never took it from him by force. They just spoke louder to him until he finally heard them. They 'never' touched him. That's why he had been so surprised to feel Snape's touch.
Well... surprised and maybe a little afraid. It wasn't like he had any good experiences with someone touching him. It always lead to a beating. How else would he react to it? But.. any other kid wouldn't have backed away like that. He was a freak… just like Uncle Vernon had always said.
The professor's words finally registered to him. 'He' was apologizing to 'Harry'. It was Harry's fault, not his.
The raven haired youth collapsed onto the ground, hugging himself as he shivered and rocked. "It's n-not you. It's m-me. S-shouldn't be sor-sorry. I sh-should." His throat started to burn when he swallowed. His eyes stung with the salty water that was quickly starting to travel down his cheeks. He let out a low piercing sound, a cross between a sob and a wail. He tried to stop crying, he knew he was appearing even weaker in front of Snape, but he couldn't stop.
Tucking his head down between his knees, Harry let the tears fall.
~*~*~
Concern expressively etched itself across Severus’ features as he watched Harry crumble in front of him. He knew the teen was suffering badly, but damn… That horrible family of his should be damned to the deepest level of hell for crushing him so much. If a simply touch could make him so bereft…
As he slid down to the floor beside the younger man who shook and trembled, horrible images of the past came flooding back to him. The thing he wanted most right then was to be able to comfort Harry, but would he even let him get near him? Unable to sit there and watch Harry fold in on himself like that, Severus reached out and touched his shoulder very, very lightly in a way that he hoped conveyed the message he had been so strongly thinking since he first noticed this teen was in pain. ‘I want to help you. Please, please let me help you.’
“Harry…” he murmured on the edge of a whisper, not hiding even the slightest bit of concern from his features. Normally Severus was a very composed man, and he’d helped one or two bright students like Harry in his career, but it had never been like this. He was actually afraid of what would happen if Harry refused his help; afraid that he might not be able to help as much as he needed it, afraid to fail again where he’d failed in the past.
‘Please, please let him trust me. He needs someone who will succeed where others have failed him.’ Severus thought intensely.
~*~*~
Harry felt the light touch at his shoulder. He flinched slightly and looked up. Tears blurred his vision, but he could still make out the form of the man kneeling beside him; concern was plainly displayed on the older man's usually indifferent face. Harry sobbed and leaned into the light touch on his shoulder. He was so tired and cold that he just wanted to fall into the professor's arms and weep, but he didn't know if Snape's concern would go as far as to comfort him. To hold him, as no one else had ever done in his life, while he cried.
If the professor had stayed this long without cutting him into pieces with his words, or hitting him while he cried, then surely the man could be trusted? Hadn't Snape put his trust in him when he showed him a scar that obviously meant a lot to him? The older man wouldn't tell anyone of his momentary weakness, and Harry was almost positive that Snape would try to help him the best he could. He knew he would never be able to get him out of his relative's house, but it was nice enough to have something to look forward to each day when he left for school.
Even if Snape eventually wanted something for all of this, Harry would be glad to pay that debt. Even if he cut off the after school sessions, just seeing and being around the man at the end of the school day would be enough. Harry felt safe in the man's presence. The raven haired youth didn't usually go with his gut instincts, since his mind always found reasons against doing so, but this was definitely the time where his instincts won out. Harry would try to trust Snape, even if the man wanted something from him, at least he would be able to feel safe and maybe even happy for the first time in his life.
~*~*~
Relief washed over Severus when Harry didn’t run away and actually leaned into his touch. Still unsure as to how much Harry would allow him to comfort him, Severus hesitated a few moments more, staying where he was. But then after a few more really gut wrenching sobs, Severus slid closer to Harry and gently gathered him into his strong embrace, careful not to hurt his arm or any other injury he might have sustained.
He was so thin in his arms that Severus was almost afraid he’d break if he moved too suddenly. Biting his lip, he was torn between driving hatred for the Dursleys and his deep concern for Harry. So Severus just continued to hold him, gently moving his hands up and down Harry’s back in a comforting motion, trying to imprint upon him the fact that he wasn’t going to abandon him or leave him alone; not until he could figure out a way to help him.
How exactly Severus was going to manage that, he wasn’t sure, but the devil himself could not possible stop him until he’d succeeded. That needed much deeper thought later, right now all his attention was focused on Harry and trying to offer him all the comfort he could.
~*~*~
Harry whimpered and clung to Snape's surprisingly soft shirt with his good hand. The warmth and feeling of being safe and cared for enveloped him in the same manner as the professor's arms wrapped around his small frame. The gentle and steady motion of the man's large hands moving up and down his back calmed him greatly. Eventually Harry's sobs died down to just small trickles of tears that still leaked out of his large emerald eyes.
Harry sniffled and lifted his good arm to wrap around Snape's neck, bringing the top of his head to rest comfortably underneath the larger man's chin. His embarrassingly small body actually fit quite well and comfortably in Snape's lap. Harry let out a small sigh, eyelids heavy. He leaned further into the man's hold and closed his eyes. The corners of his lips turned upwards slightly when he felt his professor shiver at the sigh.
Extremely tired from the emotional break down that he didn't often indulge in, the ebony haired youth fell asleep in the older man's comforting and safe embrace.
~*~*~
A small smiled found it’s way to Severus’ lips when he felt Harry’s breathing even out and his shaking die down. They stayed in that embrace until the even breathing of the troubled teen told Severus he’d fallen asleep in his arms. Glancing down at the small frame in his arms, he felt oddly privileged to be able to help Harry, and that he had at least a measure of his trust.
He looked so peaceful sleeping like that, a peace he obviously rarely got, that Severus could not bring it upon himself to wake him. Gently continuing to cradle the small frame in his arms, Severus let his mind drift to other subjects concerning him at the moment. He *really* didn’t want to let him go back to his relatives, ever again really. He’d stayed up almost half the night trying to think of options that they could look to if they ever both agreed to try to get him away, but as much as he wanted to help Harry, he couldn’t take any action without consulting him first. He’d been lied to enough already, not to mention he didn’t want to make things worse for him at home.
Still stroking his back lightly, Severus kept watch over his sleeping form.
~*~*~
Harry yawned and opened his eyes. He used his good hand to rub the sleep out of them and yawned again. Blinking his eyes to try to wake up, the young man snuggled closer to the warm pillow. Several moments passed before Harry blinked sharply, and the realization that he was still in Snape's arms made him jump up. He winced when he felt his head connect with the man's chin. Rubbing his head, he looked up at his professor. He could feel the warmth spreading over his cheeks. He hadn't meant to fall asleep like that, but he had felt so safe and warm… he couldn't help it. He'd never been able to have that sense of security before, and to find it in his professor..
Looking up beneath his lashes, he met the other man's gaze. "Sor-sorry for falling asleep. I guess I was pr-pretty tired." He gave a small grin and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. The grin faded when he remembered exactly 'why' he had trouble sleeping. It was hard to fall asleep on the uncomfortable cot in his cupboard without agitating his injured arm. And for the first time in what felt like forever, he'd been able to sleep comfortably and securely. Even if it was in his professor's arms.
He smiled and looked up fully, "Thanks for.. you know." He shrugged. He wished he was better with words.. but at least that should get his appreciation across.
Harry let his gaze drop from Snape's and looked out the large window. His eyes widened and his smile instantly dropped to be replaced by a frown. Shit.. he was definitely going to be majorly late..
~*~*~
Severus, having been nearly asleep himself, glanced down when he felt Harry moving in is arms. He winced slightly when Harry’s head came into contact with his chin, but waved off the apology. He didn’t know the details of Harry’s situation at home but he could guess all too well. It just made him sick to think he had to put up with those people for even one more day.
Smiling unguardedly at Harry, Severus nodded briefly saying just, “You’re welcome.” He was just very grateful that Harry trusted him enough to let him help. Now that he had his trust… there might just be something he could do for him, though he needed to make a few phone calls first.
At the feel of Harry stiffening in his arms Severus’s gaze darted to the windows, causing him to tense a little as well. ‘Damn, I completely forgot about the time!’ Severus cursed inwardly, but, as with years of practice, he was the picture of composure outwardly. His arms still supportively around Harry, he made a suggestion. “Perhaps I should drive you home again. You could get there faster. I could drop you off a bit away from the house if you think a second appearance would cause trouble.” His only thoughts now were of reducing whatever anger that atrocious excuse for a family could inflict on *his* student. He would berate himself for being possessive after Harry was as safe as he really could be for that day.
~*~*~
The raven haired teen frowned, lost in his thoughts of what kind of punishment he would most likely get for being out so late. Feeling the arms around him tighten, Harry looked up. He pursed his lips when the older man's breath tickled them.
He frowned again, thinking the request over. It would get him home faster, and his punishment should be reduced if Snape stayed out of sight. But..
"Cause trouble?" Shit.. he didn't know, did he? No one was supposed to know… if Snape knew then he would go to Children's Aid and then the whole thing that he had already gone through with his other teachers would be repeated. Harry didn't want Snape in the middle of it all.
He grinned at the older man, though it was forced, he didn't want his professor thinking anything was wrong. "No, why would it cause trouble?" He glanced outside again, the sun was starting to set now, it must be at least 7 by now. Harry frowned, but quickly remembered the other's presence and forced a sheepish grin. "Thanks for giving me a ride. If I'm any later I'll probably be grounded again." It wasn't that Harry didn't trust the man… he did! He just didn't want Snape to know too much about his 'home' (if you can call it that) life. He didn't want his professor to go to the authorities and then proceed to ignore him after the whole thing blew up in his face because his relatives were such good actors. Harry didn't think he could stand it if Snape started to ignore him after spending all this time with him…
~*~*~
Severus mumbled unhappily in his thoughts, watching Harry tense and joke defensively. On one hand he wanted to assure him that he could be trusted, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to rush him. Trust, that was the key, and for that he needed more time. The most important thing right now was getting Harry home as soon as possible to diminish the anger of his relatives; as much as Severus hated to do it.
“Well then,” Severus started in what he hoped was a neutral tone, “We’d better get going. Wouldn’t want you grounded.” Gently pulling them both to their feet, Severus quickly grabbed his briefcase and coat and once Harry had timidly gathered his own things, they were out the door again; much like the afternoon before.
As they pulled away from the school, Severus’s mind was spinning. He wanted so badly just to continue talking to Harry and explain that he wanted to help and that he wasn’t going to give up, but somehow he knew that was a conversation for another day. At one point he was tempted to ask Harry to come see him during his lunch period, but he reminded himself in time that patience was the key to what he wanted right now. Desperately wanting to say something of comfort to Harry without getting too entangled in his words, Severus said at last, “You did well this afternoon Harry. I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow.”
~*~*~
The young man's eyebrows shot up in surprise. No one had ever said they actually 'looked forward' to seeing him. A small smile curved Harry's lips. Looking out the window, he spotted his relative's house. He unbuckled his seat belt and waited for Snape to come to a complete stop. He turned towards the man, and with slight hesitation he leaned forward quickly and wrapped his arm around the larger man. Squeezing slightly he whispered, "Thank you." Pulling back just as quickly, feeling a blush staining his cheeks, he smiled shyly and got out of the car. He jogged towards the house, hearing the car start up, Harry turned slightly and waved before heading inside.
~*~*~
Severus was mildly shocked when Harry leaned forward and thus his breath caught slightly in surprise. The hug was a little to quick for him to return, but he did smile slightly in return, murmuring “You’re welcome,” to the empty air beside him as he watch Harry run up to the house. Managing to glance back only once, he saw the slim figure waving through the light haze of dusk and returned the gesture as he drove out of sight.
It wasn’t until he drifted over to the shoulder of the road a little too much that he realized he’d been looking in his rearview mirror too long. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts he drove forward. Harry was safe (and he used the word loosely) for now. It was time to get a few things in order, admittedly more slowly than he would’ve liked.
The drive through the town was quite uneventful. It was about a half an hour before Severus reached the edges of his thick, hilly forest. Not many people knew Severus lived as far away from the town as he did, and those that did know could not believe why he’d go so far from home. And there was no one that knew exactly how isolated his home really was.
The Snapes were a very old, very rich family with no ties to any other family (that they would admit to anyway). It was a proud history of aristocrats and nobles and other such people full of it’s own skeletons and scandals, but at the end of it all it still left Severus as the soul heir to the Snape estate. That estate included a vast group of businesses that required little attention on Snape’s part, and he employed a very trusted friend to handle most of the work, and a rather large manor about a half an hour out of town in the woods. The land Snape owned was so vast he was technically going down his driveway as soon as he entered the forest.
He got none of the fame for his money though, much to his departed parents assured grief, he had his friend and business partner Lucius Malfoy handle all of that. He was made for it and built with an attitude to handle the burden of being in the public eye, because he too came from a wealthy family. His son left much to desire, even though Severus had made attempts to help him over the years. They both knew it was something of a lost cause because Severus did owe Lucius a lot. He was one of his few friends that actually understood his desire to live a private, quiet life doing something he loved, if the students bothered to listen that is.
It was this very person that Severus intended to contact as soon as he pulled inside the driveway. There were large black iron gates that he passed through on the way to his manor, made to look more foreboding by the dragon images worked into either side of the gate, part of his family crest. Parking the car in the left wing garage, Severus made his way up the smooth dark marble steps of the home.
From the outside his home looked quite professional, maybe even haughty or unapproachable in its splendor. Much like its master, however, the inside was rather snug and homey. Simple, rather than excessively extravagant. Fine furnishings stretched throughout the manor in a way that made it feel more like a cozy welcoming place than a stiff museum, as often happened to manors.
Making straight for his study, (e never really used the room, preferring his own sitting room and the desk there, but this was closer from what he needed now.) which housed four walls of bookshelves, a fireplace, and a large oak desk, Severus picked up the phone and dialed his friend's cell phone. “Malfoy here,” came the familiar brisk voice he often used to intimidate people, but Severus had known him too long for that.
“I need a favor, Lucius.”
“Ah, Severus, my friend. Blunt as always. What can I do for you?”
Severus breathed a shaky sigh that was in part nerves. “I need you to look into the business of a Mr. Dursley. I need to *persuade* him to give up custody of his nephew without a fight.”
He couldn’t see him, but he could tell Lucius was looking at the receiver as if it had suddenly sprouted three heads. “Severus, what are you up to?”
Sinking into his plush leather chair, Severus ran a hand through his hair and managed, “It’s a long story, Lucius.”
“I’ve got all night,” his friend persisted.
Severus launched into an account of his concern for his student and what had happened between them. Lucius nodded, seemingly joining him in his rage at Harry’s family. Lucius knew Severus’ home life as a child hadn’t been exactly functional and he knew better than to ask for details. He knew most of them already.
“So you’ll help then?” Severus added after he finished the whole story.
“Don’t worry. I’ll put the fear of God in him.”
A smile spread over Severus’s face, “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.” He opened his mouth to take a breath and keep speaking when a large black blur rushed past his office, followed by a crashing sound and the screaming of a maid. Rolling his eyes in a frustrated fashion, Severus said, “I’ve got to go. The marauders are causing trouble again.” Lucius just laughed as Severus placed the receiver down and stored out into the hall to deal with his rather mischievous companions.
“Why do I even put up with you!” he yelled half heartedly into the hallway. It was a love/hate relationship and it always would be. With one last glance at the phone in his office he marched off to deal with the other hard to control matters of his life.
~*~*~
Closing the door softly behind him, Harry was immediately greeted with yelling. Though for once, not at him. Frowning, the raven haired teen walked through the hallway, heading towards the sound of his uncle and aunt's loud scolding.
"How could you get suspended!" Harry's eyes widened in surprise. Dudley, expelled?
"It wasn't my fault! He hit me first!"
"That's not what the principal told us."
"Yeah, well Dumbledore is an ass, he doesn't know what he's talking about." The sound of flesh meeting flesh echoed out into the hallway where Harry was hiding out of sight of the doorway. That was a first.. Dudley never got hit, that pleasure was left to Harry.
"Don't you say that, mister! The man is well respected, if it wasn't for him you'd be suspended from school for a whole semester instead of just three months!" Aunt Petunia's shrill voice announced.
"Go to your room, we'll think up a suitable punishment for you to carry out until you get back to school."
"Whatever." Dudley stomped out of the room, purposely knocking Harry over on his way by. The falling teen glared at him, but Dudley didn't bother to give him his attention.
"Boy! We know you're out there!" Harry sighed and got up clumsily, almost falling over again when he pushed himself up with his one good arm. He walked into the small living room with his head down, making sure not to meet Vernon's eyes.
"I assume you were with that teacher again." Vernon stated. Harry nodded with a sigh. "Well, there's not much I can do since if I pull you out of there the professor will just stir up trouble." Harry looked up in surprise. Surely he wouldn't get off that easily? "You're damn lucky boy." The teen resisted a snort. "You'll continue to go to Mr.. Snape was it? And you'll continue to 'improve' your English," his uncle's voice was heavy with sarcasm, "but there'll of course be a catch to me letting you continue those damned sessions." Harry sighed, of course there was a catch. There always was. "Until you decide to cut off the sessions yourself, you'll be eating once every Saturday, and that's it." Emerald eyes widened. No... he didn't get enough food already! Now they were only going to feed him one day of the week?
"Go to your room." Shoulders slumped in defeat, Harry went to his 'room'. Shutting the cupboard door behind him, he winced at the sound of the lock clicking and the lookout being covered, blocking out the little light he had.
Harry sighed and went over to his cot. There wasn't much he could do... he didn't get much food to begin with, but to only survive on a meal a week? He'd read various books on that kind of thing, but at the moment he couldn't really get his facts straight. He was pretty sure a human couldn't live for seven days without water. He knew it was quite a bit longer for food... maybe a year? The person's insides would start to eat themselves to make up for the lack of food after only a few weeks, so he guessed it wasn't that bad.. He'd still get a meal (though, knowing his relatives like he did, he'd probably only get something incredibly small) once a week, so he could survive on that. He'd have to use the drinking fountain at school a lot more though. He was pretty sure that Vernon wouldn't let him drink either.
The small teen sighed and glanced at his wounded arm. The lack of nutrition and medication surely would make the healing process a hell of a lot longer. At least Snape had did an excellent job with making the sling half decent. Better then what Harry did with only one arm.
The young man sighed and lay down on his good side. He may go hungry, but there was no way he would back out of those sessions with Professor Snape. For one, the man would know something was up, and for another thing, Harry would miss talking to him and being in his company without anyone else around to disturb them with idiotic chatter.
Harry frowned. He was positive that it wasn't a good idea to get so attached to someone. Especially a teacher that he had only known for three days. But how had the man gotten so close to him so quickly? There wasn't anything special about him, surely? Well.. he did appear to be more intelligent than his other teachers. Harry actually thought that Snape had been able to see through his lies of being 'grounded' if he was too late getting home.
He was also pretty funny. Most people wouldn't find the somber man as amusing, but Harry did. He loved that type of humor, not many people could appreciate the art form that was sarcasm. It took a lot of intelligence to be able to cut down someone with just words alone. Snape was definitely that type of person. Although Harry was a bit afraid of being on the wrong side of that cutting tongue, he was pretty sure that Snape would never use it on him or actually hurt him intentionally.
The young man sighed and finally closed his eyes. It had been an exhausting day, and all he wanted to do was sleep. He also had the hope that it would bring the next day closer. He couldn't wait to see the older man again at school. He just hoped he didn't run into Dudley's gang, they might end up blaming him (though he was obviously not to blame, but they were stupid like that) for Dudley's expulsion. He sighed again (he was sure doing that a lot, maybe that was why he felt so light headed? No.. that was probably the lack of food) and tried to blank out his thoughts so he could actually get some rest.
After half an hour, Harry Potter was sleeping peacefully, with a small smile on his face as he dreamed of Snape and what tomorrow would bring.
CHAPTER 5: DARK ANGEL
Early the next morning, with thick black storm clouds covering the sky once again, Severus was glowering in a corner of the teacher's lounge, waiting for school to start. He had arrived a half an hour early, unable to sit still at home because he was so preoccupied with thoughts of his raven haired student; among other things. He had proceeded to stalk around the room for the better part of fifteen minutes until his colleague, Minerva, had yelled that he was making her dizzy and to please stop. From then on, he'd pulled out a book and was attempting to read.
He loved to read; it was the only thing that could ever calm him down, next to his herbalist hobby that is. At length he managed to calm down enough to concentrate on the book, but in the back of his mind he was still thinking about Harry. He'd only known him for three days, but they had an extremely undesirably common ground, abuse in childhood up to early adulthood, that made it easy to feel closer to him. He had a plan ready and waiting, but, much to Lucius's frustration, he'd insisted on waiting until he talked to Harry about everything. He could simply sweep in and take him away that very moment, but Harry, like anything that's abused, would be scared and confused and doubtful of everyone around him, even if they were trying to help. He had to take things slow and work with him to make things easier for him. He damn well deserved it. Finally giving up, he closed the book and glared out the window, studying the clouds and hoping the upcoming storm would ebb his nerves and temper some.
"If you keep that glare up all day, Severus, you'll give the students frostbite." Minerva quipped from her seat at the table over her cup of tea. Severus merely turned his head and sent her a glare that would've frightened the devil, but being used to his behavior, she simply shrugged it off and left the room. Severus was left to sit and turn over his thoughts which were in some ways more chaotic than the storm.
~*~*~
Harry slung his beat up messenger pack higher up over his shoulder. Sighing, he continued to walk toward the high school. Looking up at the dark sky, he hoped that it wouldn't rain before he got there. He wasn't feeling very well today, and being wet wouldn't really help him any. He sighed in relief when he finally spotted the large building. He was starting to get exhausted, something that didn't usually happen on the way to school. It took half an hour to walk, but Harry was used to the exercise, even when he had something sprained or some other type of injury. But for some reason he was getting tired easier these days. Maybe it was because of the amount of work he had been doing around the house plus the lack of sleep?
The school wasn't too crowded when he got there; there weren't many students that actually arrived at school early. He sighed and walked down the hall way towards his locker. He passed Granger, who was sitting in front of her locker with a large book in her lap. Shaking his head, he had to admit he admired her studious skills. Hell, she'd probably be a really good friend if she wasn't so stuck up and learned that not everyone was interested in the things she was. Finally reaching his beat up and graffiti-filled locker, he quickly dialed the combination and swung the locker open, making sure to catch it before it could bang against the opposite door. Filling his book bag with the necessary text books and notebooks, he closed it gently and locked it.
Turning around, he let out a gasp when his back connected with his locker, creating a loud bang that echoed throughout the hallway, making him wince. "It's your fault that Dudley got expelled, Potter!" Harry sighed and looked down to the right, trying not to make eye contact with his cousin's friend. Why did he have to be right? His feet were suddenly lifted off the ground and, gasping, he looked into the larger boy's face. Dark brown eyes blazed out at him, he winced, waiting for the blow.
'Maybe if it starts off bad, then my day can only get better?' A fist connected with his cheek, causing his head to hit the locker. 'Or maybe not..'
~*~*~
Severus stalked quietly down the halls towards his classroom, having finally tired of staring out the window. He decided to distract himself by setting up his materials for the day. He’d organized everything he was going to say to Harry, almost like a script, one he was very eager to perform. Dimly he realized it may not be healthy to focus so intently on one thing, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care.
That was when he heard something crash loudly against a locker and his gaze shot up. There, about 200 yards down the hall was Harry, weak and exhausted looking, being beaten into a locker by some large oaf he didn’t recognize. He tensed and his glare bored straight through everything else, directed at the oaf with a palpable rage. He strode over to the scene of the fight, the few students there almost diving out of his way before they even saw him; his rage was so vivid and terrifying.
He reached the two teens just as the oaf was pulling his fist back to strike Harry again when Severus caught it in a break-back grip. “What. Exactly. Do. You. Think. You’re. Doing?” he said through clenched teeth with a tone that dripped with the promise of an imminent death and a look that seemed to bore straight through to the soul. The almost knowledge that a student was being abused at home and then to see evidence of it in school was the last straw for his already over abused nerves. He was absolutely furious.
~*~*~
Harry's brows went up in surprise, but he winced when it stretched his wounded cheek. The teen in front of him continued to hold onto his collar, standing stock still in surprise with his fist drawn back, but caught in professor Snape's hand. He hadn't expected the older man to be at school this early. Then again, Harry guessed that the teachers had to be here before the students so they could set up and write their lesson plans for the day. But Snape seemed like the type of teacher that wouldn't arrive until just before the bell rings, in order to avoid the crowd for as long as possible.
Harry sighed and wiggled his legs. He probably looked very comical up against the locker like this. He was a good three or four feet off the ground, and it didn't help that he was so tiny compared to the other boy. He was starting to get embarrassed since a large portion of his stomach was bare, due to his shirt riding up where the teen was holding it. It was so oversized that if the boy didn't let go soon, the shirt would probably slip right off his head. He was glad Snape had caught the boy before he could deliver another blow. Harry didn't think he could withstand too much today. He was feeling pretty light headed, and he was still exhausted from the walk to school. Although, he was sure that now that Snape had interrupted the beating, he would just get one after school or during lunch. Maybe he could hide out in the professor's classroom? No, that would just make him look like a wuss. He could deal with it himself. Then again, it wasn't like he could really save himself anyway. How could someone 5'2 stand up to someone else that was at least 6 feet? And with how skinny Harry was, it wouldn't take much to knock him down. Vernon had certainly tested the theory often enough.
~*~*~
The oaf looked up at Professor Snape with the sharp glare of a veteran bully, but Severus only narrowed his glare and tightened his grip on the teen’s hand while grinding out the words, “Put. Him. Down.” The -obviously slow- teen seemed to realize that getting away would be a very good idea and lowered Harry’s thin frame to the ground and released him completely. Severus had seen the bruise that covered Harry’s stomach as his shirt had ridden up, and that only fueled his anger.
It was probably a good thing for Harry’s attacker that the school principle, Dumbledore, happened to come along at that moment. He was an odd sort of man that never seemed to show up unless needed, always seemed to know what was going on, and seemed to give you an almost involuntary sense of security after talking to him. “I’ll take him from here Severus,” the old man said calmly, blue eyes ever mirthful behind half mooned glasses. Severus looked over his shoulder at the white-haired man and after a moment his anger seemed to start to deflate. Dumbledore was the type that could always get through to people.
Releasing his grip on the young bully, he watched for a few moments as Dumbledore lead the boy away before turning his attention back to Harry. Severus let out a growl of a sigh, his temper seeming to simmer off at last before turning to look at Harry. “You look absolutely macabre,” he observed with concern lacing his tongue.
~*~*~
Harry sighed. Why the hell did he still feel so light headed? Maybe being so high up in the air had made it worse. Harry snickered mentally, he wasn't used to being so high. Damn tall people. Shaking his head, he glanced down the hall, seeing the principal and Dudley's friend round the corner. He turned back to the concerned professor. He was surprised that the somber man had shown such anger, and to actually 'show' his concern and anger? Harry wondered if the professor wasn't feeling light headed himself. Maybe that was why he was acting so strange? Or.. maybe Snape was just concerned about him and generally angry at the bully for picking on him.
He frowned at the word choice, not really knowing what it meant, but he could at least guess so he didn't look like some freshman. He brought a hand up to touch his sore cheek, wincing when his fingers brushed against the tender skin. "It's not as bad as it looks." No, it was worse. The hall doors burst open, letting in a flood of students that had just gotten off the bus. Harry sighed, looking down the hallway at the crowd of kids. Just another day.. just another long day filled with way too many people around him.
He frowned over the amount of people. If the buses had arrived, then it must be at least five minutes before the first bell. Harry sighed and bent down to gather his scattered text books and notebooks. His vision blurred suddenly, causing him to sway and fall back, landing on his ass and causing him to hit the back of his head against the locker door. Harry winced and rubbed the sore spot, still seeing stars. It looked like this day was already getting worse. The first bell hadn't even rung yet.
~*~*~
Severus frowned slightly when Harry tried to make light of his injuries, his eyebrow arching towards his hairline in obvious doubt. “I’m sure,” was his only reply. He forced himself to remain outwardly calm, a skill honed to perfection after many years of teaching, while inside he was getting more and more restless. He felt so frustrated, like watching someone drown because you can’t break through their panic to make them realize you can carry them to safety. It was a helpless, out of control feeling and Severus absolutely hated it. The noise of the doors opening caught his attention and he watched the half awake students shuffle in to start their day. He hesitated, standing beside Harry unmoving, mulling over whether he should leave him alone. He looked so much weaker today, like a wisp of what he should be.
The choice was quickly made for him when Harry staggered and fell. His gaze snapping back to the dark haired teen, Severus saw his eyes glossed over and obvious lack of balance. He knelt beside him, not really giving a damn about the students that were going about their own business all around him, Severus placed a light hand on Harry’s good shoulder and suggested, “I think you should go to the nurse Harry. You really look ill.”
~*~*~
The dazed boy sighed and let his head fall forward to rest his chin on his thin chest. Rolling his head to the side so that his head rested lightly on Snape's hand, Harry frowned and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get the stars out of his vision. He also thought over the suggestion from his professor. He should go to the nurse, he knew that. But.. what if the nurse did find him ill enough and sent him home? If he didn't go.. the worst that could happen would be a headache or more dizzy spells. That wasn't too bad, he just had to make sure he didn't bend down or get up too fast. Besides, he'd been to the nurse's room before, and he didn't really feel comfortable around her.
Pomfrey was a good nurse, she definitely knew her profession, and excelled in it, but sometimes she could be too mothering… and she tended to try to comfort her patients, physically. Harry really felt uncomfortable around her. He did like anyone touching him… well, maybe except for Snape. Actually… he hadn’t even flinched when the man had laid a hand on his shoulder. But… should he get used to this? If the professor for some reason started ignoring him like all the other teachers, then he would never get touched again. And after knowing how comforting it can be to be in someone's arms while crying… Harry didn't think he could get used to not being touched again. But for now… for now, he would take what he could until Snape decided to stop giving.
"No, I'm fine." The professor's eyebrow lifted into its customary position. Harry grinned, trying to ignore the slight blurring of his vision. "Really, I am. I don't like the nurse anyway, she acts like a mother hen." Hearing Snape chuckle, Harry smiled for real. "I'll be okay." Harry leaned forward slightly, and slowly got up, pushing off of the ground with his hands. He swayed slightly when he finally stood erect, but it wasn't as bad as before. Unfortunately, his damn books were still on the floor. The professor grabbed his books and stuffed them neatly into his bag, and gracefully stood up. He placed the strap on top of Harry's good shoulder. The raven haired teen tried not to sway again at the added weight that seemed heavier then normal. Tch, maybe he *was* getting weaker. Couldn't even carry his own damn books without a problem.
~*~*~
Severus looked over Harry again after he handed him his books. He looked like he was on his last legs, but Severus knew he was strong. That arm had to have been damned painful to endure even with the ointment he’d given him and he had barely winced. “If you’re sure then,” he said at last, resting his hand lightly on Harry’s shoulder once again. He was unused to showing his emotion but for Harry’s benefit he let a little concern show on his face. “Just make sure you get help if you really need it. If you can’t stand the ‘hen,’ at least drop by my door.” Snape waited until he saw Harry’s careful nod, before finally pulling away from the area and making his way to his first class; looking back only once to see Harry walking unsteadily away. He knew then he’d never be rid of worrying about the small teen until he was sure he was really safe. He just had to wait. His time would come eventually.
~*~*~
The morning had passed by uneventfully, well, besides all that shit in the hall way. Other than falling asleep in class for the first time, nothing much else had happened. Harry knelt down carefully and placed his books in the locker. Pulling out third and fourth period class books, along with his very well worn journal, he stuffed them into his messenger bag and slowly stood up. He wavered slightly, but was other wise fine. Shutting the locker quietly, ignoring the louder slams of the locker and trying not to jump at each noise, he crossed the long hallway towards the exit and out into the court yard, where he sat at his favorite place right underneath the large oak tree. Placing his bag beside him, he pulled out his flimsy journal and opened it up on his lap. He didn't really feel like writing, so he just flipped through the thin pages, looking for older entries. He stopped on one, smiling slightly, he read it over. He hadn't seen this one in a long time…
His journal was yanked out of his hands. Harry's head shot up, seeing Dudley's group of friends (three, tall, muscular guys). He frowned and pushed up against the bark, hoping that he would be able to use that as leverage if he needed to get up and make a break for it. He couldn't get up now because a guy was on either side of him, and the one holding his journal was standing in front of him. Harry suddenly remembered what that particular entry said, one of his more… detailed ones, and made to stand up. Two large hands landed on either side of his shoulders, pushing him back down. Harry bit his lip hard at the pressure placed upon his right shoulder. Damn it.. it was never going to heal if it kept being treated like that! Harry sighed and sat back, seeing nothing else he could do. He really hated being so small sometimes, hell, he hated it all the time.
"Lookie what we got here. Potter's journal." The guy that had shoved him up against the locker said. Harry licked the blood off his lips and waited. The tall brunet looked down at the entry. He read straight from the book, not bothering to scan it first. "'Dear diary,' gee, original Potter, really original. 'Dear Diary, you wouldn't believe what I saw today! I was sitting in my math class, just finishing up my homework that I wasn't able to do earlier that night for obvious reasons.' What, wanking, Potter?" He continued on. "'When suddenly, the guy that had always sat in front of me turned around, and asked if I could help him with a math problem. I said yes of course, but I couldn't stop staring at him! His hair was a rich auburn, even under the ugly florescent lights, I could see thick strands of red woven into his hair.
'He had the kind of golden tan that every girl seemed to dream of. Maybe he went to the beach a lot? His eyes were a strange color, they were actually kind of golden almost. Maybe it was copper? Whatever eye color he had, it was definitely beautiful. His eyes were incredibly warm and he seemed like the type of person you would go to for anything, even a shoulder to cry on (and what broad shoulders they were!)
'But his mouth.. his mouth is what made my breath stop. They were perfectly shaped, not too thin, not too plump. They were a bruised red, it almost looked like he had just finished having a wild make out session, but looking at his well kept hair, I highly doubted that. But those lips!
'I can just picture them trailing light kisses down my pale skin, using his perfect, straight white teeth to gently nip at my jutting hip bones. Finally coming to my pulsating member, and without hesitating at all, wrapping his pouty lips around my head, shucking me, adams apple bobbing when he swallows my precome. He then backs off, catching his breath, before plunging down again, taking my cock easily into his mouth. I could probably swear on my parents grave that he's done this before. Wrapping his petal lips around my leaking dick, letting his warm, moist tongue glide up and down the underside of my cock. He backs up a little and just wraps his flushed and wet lips around my head. He uses his tongue to make stabbing movements into my piss hole. I scream and come, he swallows it greedily.
'Moving off of my limp cock, he licks his lips and smiles. All that in the space of one math problem. I swear, that's exactly what I was thinking the whole time I was helping him! I thought my fucking erection would lift the desk!
'He had to have been the hottest guy I've ever seen. But I'm positive he's straight. Besides, he wouldn't date a loser like me. When we stood up to leave the classroom, my head was actually mid level to his chest. Now, *that* is sad! I wish I was taller.. and had a boyfriend. I'm tired of falling asleep every night, alone. If I had a boyfriend, hell, even a friend would be good, I'd definitely come over to their house at night so I wouldn't have to sleep in that damn cupboard. I mean, what kind of room is that? It's not exactly the picture of cozy. I can't even stand up straight in it, and I’m only 5'0! Ugh.. maybe when I grow up, I'll grow? Who knows, I may not have hit my growth spurt yet. I'm only 15, I've still got a few years left before I stop growing. Though something tells me I'll *never* be able to grow a beard. Oh well, they don't look too hot anyway on most men. Well, I'm signing off. The damn bell is signaling the end of lunch, so there's only so much I can do besides just ignoring the stupid thing. God.. I hate school.'
"Well.." The three of them looked stunned. The boy who had been reading, had been basically doing it in auto pilot, seeing the words, but not really believing it. Harry just sighed and put his head down. A small tear escaped the corner of his eyes, but he didn't bother to brush it away, it would just bring more unwanted tears. Now wasn't a time to cry. Now was the time to act. Or, in the bullies case, it was their turn to act. "You little faggot! We'd never have showered in gym class if we knew you stayed late, writing-writing this! While we were just in the other room!" Harry sighed. He'd hoped it wouldn't come out, now everyone was going to know he was gay. Fuck… why couldn't life ever be just comforting and safe?
"Fucking faggot!" The punch caught him on the nose. Blood spurted and he could smell it in the air, along with taste it very strongly. The brown eyed teenager pulled him up on his feet and knocked him back, his skull made impact with the tree fairly hard. The other two boys heard the noise, looked at each other with wide eyes, and ran. The boy pulled him up again and punched him in the stomach. Harry doubled over and fell to his knees. What little contents he had in his stomach came up, covering the boy's dark shoes. Harry's vision doubled, then tripled. Finally, stars covered his view of the world, and pitch black veiled his eyes.
~*~*~
Severus watched the class file out carefully with his usual removed, indifferent look. He’d been snippier than usual that day with his students due to nerves, and that only made his mood worse. As bad a lot as he often got stuck with, there were those who did want to learn, and he felt angry at himself when he couldn’t give them his full attention. It was all those years running a manor and an extensive herb garden; he’d become too much of a perfectionist.
Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed and looked up, realizing that it was his lunch break. He glanced outside to find a very dark and ominous sky with the occasional rumble of thunder, but still no rain. Not many people would venture out today, and with good reason. Severus, being a big fan of storms and presented with the opportunity of a mostly empty courtyard, couldn’t resist. He stood without pausing to get his lunch, he wasn’t really that hungry anyway what with being so distracted, and started walking through the halls toward the courtyard.
Severus took his time strolling through the halls for once, having no students around since lunch had started and they’d all flocked to their respective hang outs by now. It was actually rather nice having this illusion of peace and quiet that came with the lonely echoes of his footfalls. He’d been alone a lot in his own school days, his hand brushed over his scarred left forearm forebodingly, and he’d gotten used to feeling at home when alone. Very few things ever made him feel better then when he was alone. He wondered absentmindedly if things were that bad for Harry yet. Probably, considering that bully he’d fended off that morning.
He paused in his walk to stare unseeingly out a large picture window. Harry was really such a bright kid; that was so obvious. What was it about the smart, good kids, that made them such easy targets? With a soft sigh that condensed partially on the picture window, he kept walking. As he walked he could hear some conversation coming from the courtyard, but was undeterred for the most part. Whatever students were out there, there couldn’t be many. It wasn’t until he was ten feet from the courtyard door when he heard a yell vibrate off the walls that made his blood run cold, “Fucking faggot!” Severus paused dead in his tracks unwilling, or unable to move for a few moments; only listen. They started again and he recognized the dumb slur of the oaf that had assaulted Harry earlier that morning. Shit! This could not be good.
He dashed the rest of the way to the door and got there just in time to see Harry’s head connect to the tree with a sickening crack. This was enough to scare two of his offenders off, but not before Severus got a good look at them. The third stuck around to deal Harry one last blow to the stomach and thus the raven haired teen crumbled in on himself and passed out. It was as if he was suddenly struck by tunnel vision, seeing Harry fall to the ground. After that he was aware of no one else.
He only vaguely registered the arrival and then bloody screeching of Minerva, only enough to know everyone else in the courtyard was taken care of; that woman was like a rabid, clawing cat when she really got angry. Kneeling softly beside Harry while Minerva yelled and rounded up the ones responsible, he ran a shaking hand over his back. Breathing a shaky sigh of relief, he quickly scooped the teen into his arms; his neck wasn’t broken.
Without another thought, he made for the infirmary as quickly as possible. Almost bursting down the door as he entered, he was, for once, very pleased to see Madam Pomfrey jump to attention and start working on Harry with her usual dedicated frenzy. She paused only once after placing Harry on the nearest bed, intending to tell Severus to go, but she saw the look on his face and thought better of if.
Severus explained what happened, only dimly aware of his words as Pomfrey’s worked. Severus did manage to take a seat in one of the waiting chairs against the wall, with great self restraint. He watched as Pomfrey swept her hands over Harry’s thin frame, removing everything but his jeans to check for injuries. After a particularly lengthy time, she finally pulled a blanket over Harry and sat beside Severus with an exhausted sigh. That was never a good sign, Pomfrey was always cheerful, to a fault.
“Well, he’ll live Severus, but he won’t be going to school for at least another week.” Severus jerked his head around to face her and she started explaining further without him having to ask. “He’s got a few bruised ribs that he’ll need to be careful with for a month before they heal, a tendon in his arm will need at least that long as well (good thing there wasn’t too much stress done to it), he’s got a mild concussion which mandates at least three days of bed rest, and…” she paused ominously, “I think he’s starving. He’s not emaciated yet, but he is damn close to it and his stomach was growling constantly.”
Severus took a breath and with it inwardly swore to the powers that be that Harry was never going back to that home again; not if it was the last thing Severus ever did. “Tell Minerva to cover and/or cancel my classes for the day. I’m not leaving him here alone.” It was a very unusual request, but then again Severus was an odd and intelligent man, and Pomfrey wasn’t going to risk his anger by asking him to leave. Slowly she got up and made for the telephone on her desk, leaving instructions to call her if Harry woke up. Severus watched her go, before moving his chair by Harry’s bedside and looking over his thin frame mournfully. 'I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner,' he thought, taking a cool, thin hand in his own.
The tunnel vision lifted enough for him to acknowledge Minerva and Dumbledore stopping in briefly to tell him all three students had been suspended, his classes would be covered, and one of them handed him a book to read, though it was at least a half an hour before he decided to read it. It would do Harry no good to see him all nervous and fidgety when he woke up quite an out of charter thing that would be. His hand still gently linked with Harry’s, he flipped open to the first pages of ‘Magic’s Pawn’ and let the familiar words distract him and ease his nerves some. There was nothing he could do now but wait and watch over Harry until he woke up.
~*~*~
The loud sound of the bell woke Harry up. Startled he shot up, only to fall back to the bed and bring a hand up to his forehead, trying to blink out the spots in his vision. He brought it down some, but quickly decided to keep it over his forehead, blocking out the light. Was it just him, or did the room seem abnormally bright? Looking around the room carefully, still making sure to block his eyes from the harsh light, he figured out that he was in the nurse's office. Ugh.. he really hated this place. Why was he there though? Harry's eyes widened when he finally woke up fully, and remembered what had happened before he blacked out. His head was killing him, his stomach hurt, and the damn light was too bright. Harry sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his fingers against the bridge of his nose. The feeling of scratchy sheets against his chest, finally registered. He knew his jeans were still on since he could feel them, but obviously Pomfrey had taken off his shirt when she checked him over. Harry sighed. Just great.. now he was going to have her fretting around him... speaking of Pomfrey, where was she? She didn't usually leave her patients alone, but the room was bare. He could hear the chatter of the students just outside the door to his right leading out into the hallway, but other than that, the room was silent.
A door to his left clicked and opened. He spun his head around to see who it was, but ended up letting his head fall back to the pillow with a groan; 'Moving too fast, definitely not a good idea,' Harry thought, as he brought his hand up to rub against his nose. Ugh.. he really needed an aspirin or something.
~*~*~
Madam Pomfrey quickly crossed the room to Harry, leaning over him with an appraising look in her eye. “I see you’re finally awake; Severus said you were beginning to stir. It’s about time too, the day’s just about over.” Fumbling through a nearby drawer, she pulled out a thermometer, stuck it in his ear, paused a moment, then read the results. “At least you don’t have a fever; that’s one thing to be thankful for.” Looking back up at his face she added, “Severus will be back inside in a moment; he said he wanted to tell you what was going on.” With one last once over, she turned and walked back the way she had come from into her adjoining office.
~*~*~
The room was silent for a minute or two before Severus slid back through the door to the nurses office, a somewhat grim, unhappy look on his face and Harry’s previously abandoned journal in his hands. His mood lightened considerably, however, when he noticed Harry was awake. In obvious pain, but awake. “Harry,” he spoke the word like a relived sigh and quickly crossed the room to Harry’s bedside. Kneeling beside him, he placed the boy's journal on the bedside table and looked back to his face, taking one frail hand in his own. “How are you feeling?” he asked softly; concern washing over his face. ~*~*~
How was he feeling? Like shit. There wasn't much he could say to describe it. His stomach let out a loud growl. He blushed and looked up at Snape's face. "As good as can be expected, I guess." He smiled when he felt the older man stroke his hand with his thumb. He glanced over at the notebook lying on the small table. Frowning, he looked back to meet Snape's dark gaze. "Where.. Did anyone else..?" He knew Snape wouldn't have read it, but what about the other students that were there? He kind of figured that his professor wouldn't have stopped to grab his journal before taking him to the nurse's office.
~*~*~
'Ah the journal,' Severus thought, following Harry’s gaze to the small, completely filled book. Severus had been tempted to look when it came to him to find out what kind of entry had prompted the beating, but he had more honor than that. Looking back up at Harry, Severus spoke softly, “A boy named Neville Longbottom, picked it up shortly after the incident in the courtyard. He turned it in to Dumbledore who just brought it in to me. No one looked in it, but Dumbledore did question those brainless lummoxes why they attacked you.” Severus paused, there was something so chilling about seeing the small grin, that had grown out of his crack about the bullies that attack him, fade into a look of utter horror.
“No one will say anything, but… there were a few students in the courtyard and you know how they talk,” Severus added sadly running his thumb over the back of Harry‘s hand again. He looked so fragile, almost broken lying there in the small infirmary bed.
~*~*~
No.. No.. If they talked.. He knew they would talk, Harry had no doubt about that. The news would already be spread, and when he went to school tomorrow.. Harry sighed and looked down. He was so screwed. Dudley's friend would obviously tell him about what they read, probably reciting it word for word, and then… and then Dudley would tell uncle Vernon. The man that hated homosexuals above all else. It didn't matter if they weren't flamboyant at all, if they just saw guys in private without flaunting it to everyone else, Vernon hated them. His uncle already hated him, he had all his life. But now… now he'd really have something to back up his reasons for beating him. A tear fell down Harry's bruised cheek. When he got home… his secret would be spread, he didn't doubt it. Vernon and Petunia would know. He was really going to have hell to pay when he got home…
Harry let out a sob and brought the hand that was being held, to his face, trying to hide his tears. He imagined what he would come home to, what he would have to deal with.. Harry sobbed harder, shoulders shaking, and head pounding from the movements of his body and the loud sobs coming out of his own mouth.
~*~*~
Without a word, Severus gently sat on the edge of the bed and took Harry into his arms again, cradling him, careful because of his injuries, gently running one hand up and down his back. For a minute or two, Severus said nothing, just being there for Harry as he sobbed in his arms.
He knew that it had to be now when everything came undone; the only way they could be put back together right. “You don’t have to go back there Harry, you don’t.” he whispered softly in the small teen’s ear. “I can help you.” Severus knew how true that was. Severus was straining on the proverbial leash, just waiting to sink his venomous teeth into the Dursleys, but he had to make sure Harry trusted him. ‘Please let him trust me.’ Severus inwardly begged any force that would listen. ‘I can’t just stand by and do nothing.’
~*~*~
Harry wrapped an arm around Snape's neck, bringing his face closer to the older man's chest. His sobs died off quickly in the comforting embrace of his professor, but his tears continued to trickle down his face slowly as he sniffled. He pulled back slightly, enough to look at Snape's face, but continued to hold the back of his neck.
"How…" he sniffed. "How can you help me? I *have* to go back there. If I don't…" A few more tears trickled down his face. If he didn't go back home, his uncle would find him somehow, he always did. He'd tried running away once, when the abuse had turned physical, but Vernon had brought him home, and he paid dearly for the stunt. He'd tried various times after that, but after severe beatings he'd given up. Though that didn't stop him from planning his escape. It just meant that he would never carry out those plans.
He did trust Snape, but his own low self esteem and past experiences, made him doubt the man sometimes. He still didn't know why Snape wanted to help him, or why he even bothered talking to him. But, he was *there* for Harry, like no one else was. And that was enough reason to place his trust in the man.
~*~*~
Severus brought one hand up to brush away Harry’s tears as he began his explanation. “Not many people know this, but the Snape family is actually very rich and has maintained their fortune through the ages with good business investments. Our line’s thinned out over the years and I’m the soul heir.
"I never had much taste for business, or being in the public eye, so I hired an old school friend to handle my finances; Lucius Malfoy.” Not missing the slight wide eyed gape look Harry shot him, Severus explained, “His son may be a total git, but that’s only because he’s spoiled. His father has been nothing but a friend to me over the years, and I trust him implicitly. He can pull the right strings to get your Uncle to make me your guardian instead of him.”
"All I have to do is call him and he’ll dive in for the kill tonight; you won’t ever have to go back there.” Severus paused and added in a softer tone, “You shouldn’t have been there for this long to begin with… I know this is happening fast, but I just need you to trust me.”
~*~*~
He'd never have to go back there again? He didn't know how Mr. Malfoy could possibly accomplish that, but if whatever he did actually worked, then Harry would gladly not return to that hell hole. He didn't understand why Snape would want to be his guardian.. and where did that leave him? Would Snape become his guardian, and then turn him over to some orphanage? It would leave him free of the Dursley's abuse.. but then again.. there might be the possibility of going into an even worse home.. well, if a foster parent ever decided to take him in, which was highly doubtful.
Frowning, Harry looked over at the older man. "Um.. where do I go?" He didn't want to end up in some orphanage.. among all those other kids.. hell, they'd probably beat the shit out of him. Harry sighed.
~*~*~
“Well adoption is one option should you so prefer,” Severus paused and as he saw a new fear bloom on Harry‘s features he continued hastily, “Adoption and orphanage arrangements take so long these days, however, and I honestly don’t think that would be best for you. It’s an option if you want it, but if you’d prefer to remain here. You’re more than welcome to live in my manor with me. After all, it would be extremely boorish of me to get you out of one bad home only to ship you off to an orphanage were you could very well end up in another.” Severus paused, almost nervously looking down at his student. “Is that alright with you?”
~*~*~
Live with his professor? Get away from his relative's house? Actually come home to a safe and secure place, where he would feel protected with Snape there? Harry couldn't think of anything, but to accept! "Of course!" The small teen smiled brightly, emerald eyes twinkling in new found happiness. He would finally be away from his relative's house, and he would *never* get beat again, at home anyway. School was still school, so nothing was going to change there. But actually end the day in a place that welcomed him and actually *liked* him! It was a dream come true! But… did Snape really want that? Was he just inviting Harry to live with himself simply because he felt obliged to so Harry wouldn't end up in an orphanage?
~*~*~
Severus grinned back at Harry’s acceptance. “Excellent! I’ll call him right now.” Fishing into his left pocket, Severus produced a cell phone and pressed the first speed dial button. He heard someone pick up on the other end and opened his mouth to speak when a reply came to his unspoken command.
“I’m on it Severus. I cannot wait to see that pathetic excuse for a human being cowering and begging for forgiveness.”
Severus chuckled lightly and shook his head, “Why do I even bother calling if you already know what I’m going to say?”
“Because you’re predictable,” Lucius quipped. “Now just hang up and I can have at the oaf.”
“Not a problem. Oh, could you ask someone to tell Dobby to prepare for Harry’s arrival?” Lucius snorted. “I’m your friend and business partner Severus, not your house boy!” Then he sighed, “but I suppose you’ll be busy won’t you? Fine.”
“Great. And thanks again Lucius.”
“What are friends for? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a grown man cry for his mother.” Severus chuckled again at the bloodthirsty habits of his old friend, hung up the phone, and slipped it back into his pocket. Turning his attention back to Harry he marveled at how easy the sadness and pain, which looked very unnatural on his features melted away. He really was a stunning creature, and if Severus had anything to say about it, he would never be treated so horrendously again.
“I’m glad you agreed to come,” Severus said, smiling down at him, “Remus and Padfoot will definitely appreciate having another playmate once you’ve healed.”
~*~*~
Harry smiled, his earlier doubts had been answered. With how happy Snape seemed to be, he obviously wanted him there, and he wasn't simply obliged to invite him like he had previously thought. It also sounded like Mr. Malfoy and Snape were really good friends. Harry frowned, wishing that he could say he had good friends. Well, Snape was his friend, right? But… adults don't usually stay friends with teenagers, there was too much of an age gap. Would Snape eventually think that he was immature for his age and that he didn't want to be his friend anymore? Harry sighed, shaking his head. He wanted to ask… but he knew it would just sound stupid and would make him look like a girl, fishing for compliments.
The names that Snape had spoken about finally registered to his sleepy brain. Dobby? Remus, Padfoot? Were they servants of some sort? Of course if the manor was as big as Snape said it was, then it must need quite a few servants to clean up. Wait a minute.. playmates? Harry frowned, he'd never had a … 'playmate' before. What were they? Well, surely that question wouldn't be too stupid, right? "What do you mean by playmate?"
~*~*~
“Hm? Oh I’m sorry; I’m getting ahead of myself,” Severus replied. This would be the start of many questions, he was sure, but he didn’t have any doubts that everything would settle into place with a little time. As far as he saw, they’d gotten over the worst of it. “Remus and Padfoot are two dogs of mine. You see, there used to be a wolf shelter near my home and Remus lived there because he’d become too used to being around humans to be released into the wild. He’s only half wolf, so he was more mild tempered than the others and became something of a favorite. "Well, one night he got out of his cage and was gone for almost a week before he came back When he did come back, he brought a large black dog with him. At first they tried to get rid of the stray; afraid the wolves would hurt him, but he just wouldn’t leave and they got tired of Remus breaking his cage to be with the dog. So they let him into the cages with Remus and named him Sirius, after the dog star, because he always had so much energy.
"Well, some time later, the Wolf Foundation had to close and they couldn’t find anywhere else to put Remus because no one really trusted a half-breed. I heard about this and didn’t want Remus to be uthinized unnecessarily, so I took him in. I wasn’t so keen on his sidekick, Sirius, because he kept causing mischief around the house; this earned him the nick name Padfoot or, as Dobby refers to him, 'Snuffles.' I was tempted to see about getting Padfoot another home, but Remus was far to attached to him.
"One of my maids found out exactly how close they were, much to her surprise, about a month after I’d taken them in.” Seeing Harry’s questioning look, Severus smirked and explained, “They’re mates apparently.” Severus paused a moment letting that little speech sink in, before remembering with a small start, “Oh yes, and in case you’re curious, Dobby, is the head butler at the manor.”
~*~*~
Harry grinned. He'd always loved animals, but dogs were definitely his favorite. He'd never had one of course, but he'd always loved watching the other people across the street play with their spaniel. That little story about Remus, really showed the more caring side to Snape. Most people wouldn't have cared, but the professor hadn't wanted to see him die, so he actually took him to his own home along with his mate. That definitely showed kindness, though Snape probably didn't want anyone to know about that side of him. Harry's grin widened, it was nice to know that he had seen these different sides to his professor.
The absolute silence finally registered to Harry. Looking outside the door's glass window, he saw no one in the hallway. All the students must have left by now. It had been quite awhile since the bell rang. He didn't have to actually stay *here* did he? He hated Pomfrey's office and he didn't want to spend any more time in here then necessary. "When are we going to go?" Harry asked, leaning his head against the professor's shoulder. He still felt a little dizzy, and he also wanted to go to sleep. It had been a tiring day, and he didn't have much energy left.
~*~*~
Severus grinned back at Harry, so glad to have won his trust in this; at least enough to let him take Harry home anyway. Severus wasn’t used to smiling this much between dealing with idiotic students and going home to an empty house. Fate, however, seemed determined to make amends for that, first with Remus and Padfoot, and now with Harry. It wasn’t until he’d suddenly had these few beings to care about that he realized how much he had missed it. It didn’t change the fact that he was a strict teacher who wasn’t afraid to snap back at you if you gave him attitude, but it was nice to be able to show these sides of himself to people he really trusted. Most people wouldn’t see that this scenario required him to trust Harry, but it did. Trust him not to spread rumors about his scar, or tell people that he wasn’t beyond blackmail. But Severus had really never had to question that trust. The loyalty had simply been given out of kindness, something he really admired in the teen.
Feeling Harry’s head against his shoulder brought Severus back to reality. Smiling down at the teen, Severus gently ran his hand up and down his back and replied, “We can go now if you like. Do you think you can stand or should I carry you? I don’t know if Pomfrey told you, but you received a few bruised ribs and a minor concussion today. Once we get to the manor, you’ll need a day or two of strict bed-rest and then at least another week at home taking it easy.”
~*~*~
He leaned into Snape more, enjoying the still new sensation of a hand running up and down his back. It soothed him and made him feel safer in the man's arms. He listened to the professor listing off his injuries. He had already figured out what was wrong with him, but he hadn't thought that he would need bed rest. He'd had these similar injuries before, and he's never received bed rest. He just went back to school the next day. There were a few times when the bruises and cuts on his face were too much, so they let him stay home, but other then those cases, he was allowed no bed rest from more serious injuries. Hell, he didn't even really have a *bed* to sleep in. He just had his flimsy cot. There were actually holes in it that he had to watch out for, or he'd slip through them if he moved too much.
Home? He'd never actually had a place he could call 'home' before. He'd always referred to the house as his relative's or just 'the house'. It was, by no means, a home to him. But… maybe Snape's home would eventually be his too? The older man seemed like he was gladly welcoming him into *his* home, so Snape must be inviting him to think of it as his own too. He didn't want to inconvenience him though… Obviously the house was huge, since it was a *manor*. But there had to be several servants there that would need their own rooms, along with who ever else was living there. Harry didn't want to put anyone out of a spare bedroom. He wouldn't like it, and it would end up being like his relative's place, but at least he knew that he was liked there, even if he had to live in another place like his old 'room'. "Do you have a spare cupboard?"
~*~*~
Severus watched the different emotions play across the teens face while patiently waiting for a reply. He knew that just because Harry had agreed to come, didn’t mean he would trust him completely right away. Things like that took time. Now that he knew Harry was safe, he had command over his patience again which, considering some of his hobbies, was considerable. He was ready to help him in any way he could. Even with that attitude however, he was not prepared for his next question.
One of Severus’s eyebrows arched high towards his hairline in confusion, but he made his best attempt to answer the question. “I believe we have quite a few spare cupboards; roughly a whole wing of them. Most of the dog's things are in cupboards, the servants have their own quarters in the east wing and I don’t take up much room. My books do, a three story library in fact, but not me.” He paused, looking questionably at Harry again, and ventured, “Why do you ask?”
~*~*~
Three story library? Harry's eyes widened at that; all those books in one place! It was like a dream come true to him! He'd always wanted to read more books, but he hadn't been allowed to take any books home due to Dudley's disability with reading, Vernon and Petunia thought he was rubbing it in when he brought them home.
Snape's question caught him off guard though. Why else would he have asked? He looked at the older man, frowning. "To sleep in, of course." He thought about those books again, and added, "would I be allowed in the library?"
~*~*~
An amused smile spread over Severus’ face at Harry’s shocked expression. It was the same kid - in - a - candy store expression Severus had gotten at that age whenever walking through a book store. At Harry’s response however, that smile faltered.
‘To sleep in? … to *sleep* in?’ Severus felt his anger towards Harry’s excuse for a family rise dangerously. He wasn’t by nature a violent man, snakry yes but not outright violent, but things like this made him so angry it was almost hard to see straight. Harry’s almost frightened expression at his shift of mood quickly stopped that train of thought however. ‘No, I won’t allow my temper to get out of hand,’ Severus thought to himself, ‘He’s had enough anger in his life.’
Severus took a deep breath to settle his nerves before speaking. “You’ll have your own rooms at the manor, Harry. I have no intention of treating you as badly as your relatives did. Even if every room in the manor had an occupant, I still would never put you in a cupboard.”
After another small pause, Severus answered Harry’s question. “Yes, of course you’ll be allowed in the library. Once you’re well enough, you’ll have free range of the manor and its grounds. You’ll just have to be careful of my lab; It’s where I use the herbs from the garden to make ointments and things like that. I know it’s a strange hobby, but when you live alone for so long, many things seem suitable occupations of ones time."
~*~*~
Harry had been frightened at Snape's quick change in temper, but he'd relaxed quickly when he realized that the anger was directed at his relatives, not him. He hoped to never have that kind of anger directed at him. A real bedroom… with a real bed! Harry couldn't believe it! He'd *never* had his a bedroom before, none the lone an actual *bed*. He didn't know what was wrong with sleeping in a cupboard or why it would be looked down upon. Sure it was uncomfortable, but it served as his room, so it couldn't be that bad, right? But to actually have his own bedroom! Harry was starting to think he was asleep and dreaming all this!
Smiling brightly when he heard that he'd be allowed into the library and actual *free* range of the house, all that plus the bedroom, Harry was incredibly happy. He flung his arm back around Snape's neck from where it had fallen, and squeezed in a half hug. He'd have used his other arm, but he knew it wouldn't have been smart to move it when it was still healing. "Thank you…" He whispered in the older man's ear.
He couldn't believe that Snape was giving him all this out of pure kindness without actually wanting anything back. Maybe Harry could help him out in his gardens or something when he healed? At least he'd be helping out, plus he'd get to spend more time with Snape. Realizing he was still hugging his professor, Harry pulled back some, his cheeks heavily flushed. He looked down, but then met the dark gaze. "Could we go now?" He winkled his nose. "I really don't like this place."
~*~*~
Severus grinned down at Harry and although he was a little surprised at the sudden half hug, he returned it gently, mindful of Harry’s injuries. It felt so wonderful to see Harry so happy. It was so strange, but he felt like he’d found a kindred spirit in the teen. They shared more in common then he might ever know, and Severus wanted nothing more than to protect him from more unhappy memories like that. He hadn’t had a very happy childhood, but it seemed fate was paying it’s dues at last and he was determined to make sure Harry had a much more pleasant life then he had, because he deserved it. He had a lot of talent that Severus felt privileged to be able to encourage. He pulled out of his interior monologue at last when Harry pulled away. Chuckling lightly Severus replied, “I don’t care for it either myself. Of course we can leave now. Do you think you can walk?”
~*~*~
Harry frowned, assessing his injuries. He wasn't feeling as dizzy, and although he was still pretty tired, he was pretty sure he could walk. Nothing had happened to his legs, after all. The raven haired teen nodded and pulled back fully. Shifting to the end of the bed, he slowly stood up. Even with how careful he was, the world still spun before him.
~*~*~
Noting Harry’s dizziness, Severus quickly stood and looped one arm around the boy’s waist to steady him. “Let’s get going then,” Severus said as he steered them out of Pomfrey’s office. “Tell me if you get to dizzy; I can carry you,” Severus added a moment later, concern lacing his voice over Harry’s injuries.
~*~*~
"I'm fine." But none the less, Harry was grateful for the support. He'd have probably fell straight on his ass if it weren't for the arm holding his waist. Leaning into Snape's side, he continued to walk along, stumbling occasionally when he couldn't lift his foot the whole way, due to feeling so tired. He could barely hold his eyes open, but he didn't want to burden Snape more by making him carry him, even though he probably weighed easily thirty pounds less than Snape, probably more.
They stopped to grab his journal, and headed out towards the hallway. Walking along the deserted stretch of cheap tiling, they reached the exit. The older man used his free hand to push open the door and lead Harry through it. Walking slowly towards the teacher's parking lot, Snape unlocked his black Ford SUV and gently guided Harry into the passengers seat. The older man closed the door and walked around the truck, getting into the driver's side. Harry buckled himself up and wiggled. The seats were really comfortable. Letting his head fall back, he stopped fighting and let his heavy lids close in sleep.
~*~*~
Severus smiled fondly at Harry for a moment before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. Severus thought to himself, ‘asleep almost before he settled in. Well at least he’ll be able to heal after this.’
Turning his attention back to the road, Severus drove peacefully out of town and through the woods like so many days before, except this day he was no longer alone. The one hour drive to his house passed quickly and before he knew it, they were pulling up to the garage. Severus turned the car off and glanced over at Harry to find him sleeping soundly, and couldn’t help but smile; he looked adorable when he slept, so free of worries. Not having the heart to wake him, Severus slid out of his own seat, walked around the car, opened up the passenger side door and scooped the small teen into his arms. He frowned for a moment at how light he was, but that would be quickly remedied under his care. Walking up the smooth marble steps to the large black walnut doors of his home, Severus managed to push the doorbell and almost before his finger left the button, a maid came to answer the door.
“Thank you Luna,” he said to the small blonde woman as he passed her and made his way to the stairs. He wasn’t shocked at her lack of questions; Dobby knew how much he hated repeating himself and had probably informed the entire house of their new guest. As he made his way down the hallway; towards the room he’d designated for Harry, the storm that had been threatening to start all day finally ripped free with a fantastically loud thunderbolt that almost shook the house. Luckily, Severus was used to the mountain storms and managed not to jump, thus jostling Harry. Looking down at the small teen as rain poured down from open skies he said softly, “welcome home Harry.”
~*~*~ (Meanwhile)
“Stop here driver,” Lucius commanded as his limo rounded the corner to Harry’s street, “I want to surprise these people.” The driver did as he was told, pulling over to the sidewalk and allowing his employer to get out. “This won’t take long,” Lucius murmured just before shutting the door.
Turning, Lucius walked down the street, his elegant coat billowing slightly behind him and his heels clicking sharply on the pavement. It was only an hour or so after school let out; the Dursleys probably thought their nephew was still staying after with Snape. Marching right up the steps, Lucius smirked evilly and knocked, loudly, three times before waiting for the victims-er-Dursleys to come to the door.
~*~*~
Vernon huffed and heaved himself out of the chair from where he had been lounging, watching TV. "Better not be one of those damn sales man..." Vernon mumbled to himself. On his way past the cupboard, the heavy man kicked the door, knowing it would send particles of dust and debris raining down. When no sounds came from inside, the man suddenly remembered that the boy was still at school. Fucking after school sessions.. the boy was probably doing drugs or something.
Shaking his head and cursing some more, Vernon kicked the door once more before walking the rest of the way to the door. Unlocking the chain, he swung it back, prepared to start cursing if it was one of those sales men. Or worse, one of those boys that sometimes came to the door, asking for the boy. The boy wasn't allowed to have any friends, he was nothing, therefore, he should have nothing.
Opening the door, he was met with a rather tall figure, garbed all in black. Vernon frowned, realizing that it must be that teacher that the boy was having the after school sessions with. What the hell was he doing here?
~*~*~
Lucius sneered at the large man that came to the door with disgust, and didn’t bother to hide it. “Good evening,” he said, words dripping with venom. “I am the attorney and business partner of Mr. Severus Snape. Mr. Snape is a very intelligent man and it has come to his attention that your young charge, Mr. Harry Potter, is not being treated properly.” Vernon made a move to speak, but Lucius simply glared at him and held his hand up to stop him. “Let me finish.” Vernon was probably so stunned at being treated like a child or worse, that he did, in fact, back off.
“He does not desire to sit back and do nothing, so he has decided to adopt Harry and become his guardian instead of you. All he requires is that you meet with him and sign over your control of Mr. Potter via some adoption papers.” Lucius seriously wondered if this oaf of a man could understand half of what he had just said, but, with another sneer, he fingered the large clip of money in his pocket. If they couldn’t be reasoned with, they could certainly be bought.
~*~*~
Some teacher take over his duties of caring for the boy? It was certainly tempting, to be rid of the boy that caused him and his family so much grief. But then again, he'd be losing a valuable person to do the chores. Petunia wouldn't be too happy about that.. and he'd probably be forced to pick up the slack after the boy was gone. No, that wouldn't be good at all.
Vernon gripped the door, ignoring the bead of sweat dripping down the back of his neck. "No," he said simply, moving to shut the door. He was about to close it all the way, but a shiny, patent leather shoe, jammed in the doorway stopped him.
~*~*~
"Perhaps I was not clear," Lucius said smoothly pulling the door open again, much to Vernon's chagrin. "Mr. Snape has...experience in such dealings and," with a small movement of his wrist, Lucius produced the large wad of money he'd placed in his pocket just for this scenario, "he is willing to compensate you."
~*~*~
Vernon frowned, looking down at the money. Well.. it would pay for someone to replace the boy. But what would Petunia think? Making deals with some attorney.. He looked down again at the money. He could always make her happy with some nice jewelry.. or that gaudy make up she always wore. And if that damn teacher decided to dig deeper and get actual proof that he was treating the boy.. less then nice, there would obivously be some trouble for him and his family.
Beady eyes looked up and down the street, seeing no one, he snatched the money in his grubby hands and barked out, "when?"
~*~*~
"Tomorrow morning at Seven, in front of the court house. My limo will be waiting. Negotiations will take place in there. Don't be late or you will regret it," Lucius sneered and then turned on his heel and left without so much as a goodbye; the man wasn't worth of common curtsey. He strode confidently down the street and the driver took off for home without him even having to tell him. With a victorious smirk Lucius picked up the phone and dialed Severus' cell.
"It's about time Lucius," Severus said urgently on the other end as soon as he picked up. "How did it go?"
"Well hello to you too," Lucius drawled, smirking at the frustrated growl he heard on the other end. "How's Mr. Potter doing?"
"Alright," Severus said, concern creeping into his voice. "Pomfrey used to be an E.R. nurse, so I trust her diagnosis. I set some ointment by his bed, sent for a sling, and some pain medication as well.
"He's still sleeping. I also sent Dobby out for some essentials like hair and tooth brushes and more shampoo and what not. I'm also going to have to take him out for clothes and new glasses or contacts when he's better. In the mean time, I guessed his size and also sent for an outfit for him to wear shopping."
Lucius chuckled, "my, aren't you turning into a mother hen."
"I am not," Severus retorted indignantly. "Harry's been all but killed by those creatures that raised him. I am simply trying to make this transition more comfortable for him."
Lucius paused meaningfully before adding, "you know, you should consider sueing his family for damages Severus."
"Not know," Severus said mournfully, looking out the window of his study, "he'll be so overwhelmed. He needs a little time to distance himself from his personal demons. And that reminds me; how did it go?"
"Money talks my friend. I had to bribe the uncle to get him to listen, but he agreed to meet you tomorrow at seven, I'll pick you up and bring the papers. Just to warn you though, you might have to bribe them again."
"Fine, I don't care. As long as they're not hurting Harry anymore. How much was the original bribe? I can pay you back when I see you next."
"Don't even think about it," Lucius replied, almost indignant, "I dislike abuse as much as you do. Don't forget who helped patch you up every time *your* father decided to break another bone of yours. I'm in this together with you, as always."
Severus winced at the painful memories, his eyes darkening, "thank you Lucius," he said quietly, trying to shove away the memories Lucius had brought up.
"Seriously though, old friend," Lucius said with a softer tone to his voice, "you shouldn't wait too long to bring this up with Harry. Don't wait as long as you did; you can't seek revenge from a tombstone Severus."
Severus winced again and said, "that was then, this is now. I won't push him, but I won't let them get away either. Now if you'll excuse me I have work to do." Without much further pause, Severus pressed the off button on his cell and buried his head in his hands. This was going to be a lot more painful then he'd thought.
~*~*~ (And Back At The Manor)
Harry slept soundly for a good five hours, but finally the growling of his own stomach forced him awake. His eyes widened at the unfamiliar room, but quickly remembered past events. He must have fallen asleep in the car, and Snape had obviously carried him to this room, which, if Harry assumed correctly, must be his. Pushing himself up gently with one hand, he shuffled backwards until his back rested against the cool wooden headboard. He pulled the thick, dark navy blue comforter up higher over his bare chest, warding out the constant chill. Thunder cracked through the sky, causing Harry to jump considerably, almost right off the bed. Sighing, he wrapped a hand around his growling stomach and looked around for the first time.
The room wasn't overly large, but definitely larger then he was used to. A beautiful red oak wood door was situated in front of him, probably leading to the hallway. The bed he was lying comfortably upon had a very comfortable plush mattress. The headboard was red oak, along with the wooden shelf attached to the end of the bed. Different colored vials lined the surface, probably for his numerous injuries. Looking down, he noticed the dark carpet, so black it looked like it had blue highlights. It looked so thick that Harry's feet would probably sink right into it. He'd never been allowed on carpet before… Harry grinned. It looked like this was going to be the first of many new things, along with the bed he was comfortably resting in.
The walls were painted a light gray-blue, and various landscape paintings decorated the walls. Most of them were of beautiful sunsets, dark skies with lightning lighting up the picture, and various winter scenes. All of them were very breath taking and beautiful. The painter was definitely talented. Harry had never been good at drawing or painting, but he could still recognize the hard work that had went into these masterpieces.
Harry finally noticed the two large red oak doors situated side by side off to his right. He knew it wasn't a bathroom, so it must have been one of those walk in closets that he had heard about. He didn't have any clothes though… except for the ones on him at the present moment. Well actually, he didn't know where his shirt was, but the baggy sweat pants hanging off his hips were technically his.
Lightning flashed throughout the room, quickly followed by a deafening crack of thunder. Harry jumped, even though he knew it had been coming. Twisting his head to look out the window to the left of his bed (*his* bed! He still couldn't get over that), he wasn't able to see outside due to the long medium blue (well, more like a mixture of blue and gray, it almost looked like one of those icicles in the paintings) curtain covering the large window. Over all, the room was actually very calming. Although it wasn't very bright, it did look mature and Harry liked all the colors in the room, dark blues were actually his favorite shade. A knock at the door made Harry turn his head. Why would they be knocking? ... Oh! Blushing lightly at his own stupidity, he called softly, "Come in."
~*~*~
Severus pushed open the thick oak door of Harry’s room and walked inside carrying a tray made for eating in bed that was heaped high with food and drink from the kitchens. Upon seeing Harry awake, a smile spread over his features. “Glad to see you’re finally awake Harry. Just in time too, dinner’s ready.” Leaning over the edge of the bed slightly, because it was more than big enough for two people, and Harry was sitting in the center of it, he placed the tray over Harry’s lap with a small grin. “Hope your hungry. Jessica, my cook, seems to think no one ever eats enough and tends to overdo the meals a little.” Once the tray was in place, Severus reached over to the bedside table and placed Harry’s glasses over his eyes again. “There we go,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Harry. He gave him a small look of concern. “How are you feeling?”
~*~*~
Harry looked at the large plate of food in surprise. He'd never seen that much food in his life! He was tempted (and hungry enough) to just eat the whole thing, but he knew that with how little he had eaten for the past… well, seventeen years, it wouldn't be very smart to eat too much before his stomach expanded.
Looking over at Snape, Harry frowned, thinking the question over seriously. "I don't feel as bad as I did. I think sleep helped my headache too." His stomach growled again. He grinned sheepishly. “But I don’t think it helped my hunger." He looked down at large plate, and finally picked up an apple slice. Taking small bites, he made sure that he ate slowly so he would know for certain when his stomach was full, and he didn't end up over doing it. He really didn't want to be sick his first day in his new home.
~*~*~
Severus watch Harry eat in silence, somehow managing to ebb his anger at the Dursleys for nearly starving the boy; something he was reminded of when he ate so little, with the knowledge that he was safe now. Harry ate maybe half as much as a normal, well fed, person would, before leaning back against the headboard with his hands folded against his lap with a contented expression on his face. Smiling slightly, Severus pressed the call button on the wall by Harry’s bed for the maid to take the tray away; he had other things to do at the moment.
“When you're better, I’ll have to give you a proper tour of the manor,” he mused out loud, “but for now, all you really need to know is that the bathroom is three doors down to the left and that my room is right across from yours; you can’t miss it. There’s a call button by your bed if you need anything, the servants are very prompt-” as if on cue Luna slid into the room and gently removed the tray from Harry’s bed. “Thank you Luna,” Severus said and she nodded in return on her way out. Turning to look back at Harry, Severus continued, “Feel free to call on them or me at any time if you need anything. Especially me, if I’m not already awake, I’m a light sleeper and would hear you knocking.” Severus paused again, looking over Harry’s thin form before adding, “And we’ll have to go shopping for you as soon as you're well in order to get clothes that fit you properly.”
~*~*~
Harry sat back with a smile on his face. That was definitely the first time he had eaten until he was full. Petunia had always snatched away his food before he could completely finish it, what little of it there was anyway. Listening to Snape, he looked over at the small panel set in the wall with a dark red button situated in the middle. He had completely missed that when he first looked around the room. But… actually calling servants to come help him? Harry didn't think he would be doing that any time soon. When he was better and Snape gave him a tour of the manor, he would have to pay attention to where the kitchen was so he wouldn't have to rely on the servants to bring him food all the time. He didn't really feel right ordering people around, when he had been ordered around himself at his relative's house.
Looking over at Snape, he noticed him checking out his small frame. Harry blushed, realizing his chest was bare since the blanket had fallen to his lap when he had moved to eat. What the older man said finally registered to Harry's ears. Shopping? For clothes that would actually fit *him*? Harry smiled brightly. Yes, there were definitely going to be many firsts for him in the next few days of his new life.
He frowned, wondering how long it would take for him to fully heal. Maybe Pomfrey had told Snape her estimated guess? Deciding to ask, Harry looked back at the seated man. "How long do you think it would take for me to fully heal?"
~*~*~
Snape noticed Harry blushing, a very endearing look on his pale features, and obligingly moved his gaze to only his face, but not before his smile widened a little around the edges. Leaning comfortingly back against the headboard, he thought over Harry’s question.
“Roughly ten days or so, depending. You have to stay in bed for three days to take care of that mild concussion, but after that, you should be well enough to poke around the house and go shopping, as long as you don’t over do it. After that, you should be well enough to return to school. I imagine we can fix up your shoulder and ribs in that time as well, the ointments at the foot of your bed are the same thing I gave you at school that second afternoon, they should speed up the healing process. And it doesn’t hurt that you're young either, you‘ll recover faster than a normal adult would.” Severus imagined the prospect of spending three days in bed wouldn’t be very appealing to any young person, so he’d naturally taken time off from teaching so he could be there for Harry. He wanted to make sure the adjustment went as smoothly as possible.
~*~*~
Three days in bed? Well, at least it wasn't uncomfortable or anything. Maybe he would be allowed to read? Harry sighed and let himself slide to the side so he was leaning against Snape’s warm side. He was still feeling chilly, and he'd found over the past few days that body heat was a lot warmer then ordinary blankets. Tucking his head in the crook of Snape's arm, he shivered. "Professor Snape… will I be allowed to read while I'm stuck in bed? It's going to be pretty boring lying here when you're gone."
~*~*~
Severus smiled fondly at the dark haired teen as he nestled against his side and gently draped his arm over his shoulders; careful not to hurt him. “Call me Severus please, Harry, and I have no intention of going back to school until you do. This is all very new for you and I want to be here to help you adjust.” Smiling slightly, he produced a book called, 'The God In Flight.' “I thought you might feel that way, that’s why I brought this over from my library. It’s one of my favorites and I think you’ll enjoy it as well. If you need any other books just ask; I’ll be here.”
~*~*~
Harry smiled and snuggled more into Sn-Severus' shoulder (he was going to have to get used to saying that). He actually hadn't known what Snape's first name was, but he found that the name 'Severus' really did fit him. Grabbing the book and placing it on his lap, he commented, "Severus suits you. It's a really powerful and distinctive name. I wish I had a name that actually sounded good and rolled off the tongue. Instead I get stuck with being named after bodily hair." Harry snorted. He'd never really like his name, it was so generic. He'd always wanted an exotic one, one that people could remember. If he ever did get published, the name 'Harry Potter' wasn't really going to look very authentic.
"Thanks for the book. I've heard about it, and it sounds good." Harry yawned before burying his nose into Severus' side, trying to stifle it. Breathing in the familiar scent, Harry felt even more drowsy, the food probably made him sleepy, like turkey does to people. Taking a deep breath, Harry fell asleep again.
~*~*~
Severus smiled at Harry's approval of his name and replied, "It's not the name that makes the person Harry, it's the person that makes a name good," but he doubted Harry had really heard him because he was so drowsy. Looking down at him, Severus found him fast asleep again. 'He must really need the rest,' he thought to himself, gently settling Harry down against the sheets and removing his glasses back to the bedside table. He had meant to mention his meeting with his relatives but Harry had just escaped them. Better to let him rest peaceful without having to dwell on them a little bit longer. Tucking the sheets around Harry's small frame, Severus murmured, "Goodnight Harry, sleep well," before turning and walking across the hall through his own red oak doors.
CHAPTER 6: THE HEALING PROCESS
Severus waited miserably in the lobby for Lucius to arrive the next morning. It was 5:00, an even more ungodly hour than he was usually up, but he had slept horribly to begin with and Lucius had suggested they get there early. Of course he doubted Lucius would be hear for another half hour yet, but he wasn’t going to get any sleep. He’d spent the whole night rifling through memories of his father and how he had dealt with him, or his lack of dealing with him thereof. It was sheer dumb luck his father had been struck by a heart attack on Severus’ 21st birthday and, though Severus hated to admit it, it was probably the only way he ever would’ve gotten rid of him.
Sure, Severus had become a cold, snaky, almost-paranoid-of-people bastard under his father's treatment, but somehow he could never stand up to him And after years and years of burying the issues, this thing with Harry was bringing them all back again. Despite all that though, Severus was still bound and determined to become Harry’s guardian. He had no intentions of positioning himself as a father figure, Harry was too old for that and they worked better as friends anyway.
Finally sitting down on the steps, Severus put his head in his hands and sighed wearily. He was a very removed, controlled man most of his waking hours, but anything this early could not be considered wakening hours and everyone needed a break. “God, this is going to be harder than I thought,” he muttered to himself.
A hand on his shoulder made him jump and brought him out of his inner monologue simultaneously. “Lucius!” He said, jumping into a standing position, but no longer startled. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I’m not surprised,” Lucius drawled, “you don’t look like you’ve slept at all.” He ran an appraising gaze over his friend and shook his head in amazement. Despite the state Lucius had seen him in when he’d entered, Severus was still very well put together, save for a few rings under his eyes. Not even Lucius could pull that off when was in proverbial hell. “Are you sure you’re up for this now?”
Severus leveled him with a what-do-you-think glare that brooked no argument.
“Alright then,” Lucius said, placing a comforting hand on Severus’ shoulder as he led him out the door and into the limo. As the driver started off, he cast a worried glance in Severus’ direction. Sure he was a heartless bastard lawyer, but he knew how hard this was and, like he always had been, he would be there for his friend.
~*~*~
Vernon paced restlessly, looking up and down the street for the sleek limo. He'd been here for only five minutes, but it felt like hours. He didn't want to get caught by anyone who knew him. Imagine the hell his reputation would be put through!
Finally spotting the headlights of the long car coming up the street, Vernon stopped his restless pacing and stood still, meaty hands curled at his sides as he waited impatiently for the driver to pull up.
~*~*~
"Get in," Lucius said coldly and Mr. Dursley obeyed with only the slightest hint of hesitation. He didn't blame him. Severus and he were seated side by side in the back seat, leaving Mr. Dursley all alone in the seat facing them. Once the door was closed, the driver took off to generally circle town and look as inconspicuous as possible.
"Right," said Lucius, pulling a thick packet of papers from his briefcase and sliding them over to Mr. Dursley. "These are the adoption papers. It's very simply. Mr. Snape gets Harry and you are under no obligations to ever see him again. In fact, you are denied all visitation rights what so ever. Mr. Snape signed it on the way down, now we just need your signature."
Severus remained a still, cold, glaring figure in the corner. Men like Mr. Dursley represented everything he absolutely loathed and it showed in his glare. He would very much like to take care of this situation in some not so legal ways, but that wouldn't leave much for Harry to come back to if he got arrested.
~*~*~
Vernon looked through the papers, skimming over them. He didn't understand how the boy would want to go with a man like that, considering he looked even more like a bastard then his boss. Then again, the boy was pretty stupid. He was probably just going to the first person that pretended to care about him.
Pen poised, ready to sign, Vernon paused and looked up, finding he was only able to meet the professor's gaze for a few seconds before he was forced to look away. "Why do you want the boy anyway? He's only good for cleaning. And it'll probably cost you thousands to look after it."
~*~*~
Severus raised his eyebrow sharply, trying to level Mr. Dursley with his experienced teacher's glare. "He is good company. And I will make do, thank you very much." Severus was very actively imagining how much he'd like to hurt the man in front of him, but he reminded himself the best way to do that was legally and when Harry was ready. For now, he had to let him heal.
~*~*~
Vernon just shook his head. This professor must be pretty stupid. Oh well, he was getting the better end of the deal. A large wad of cash that would pave the road for his family and a life without that bothersome boy. While Professor Snape just got it. Not a very good deal at all. But he wasn't going to look a gif horse in the mouth.
Scratching his name down where ever he needed to sign, Vernon finally finished and handed the papers back to the blonde man.
~*~*~
"Thank you," Lucius said and promptly kicked Vernon out of his Limo, with not much courtesy at all really, before speeding away, back to the manor.
Severus couldn't belive his luck. It had been almost too easy to get Harry. Something about that didn't sit right with him, but for now, he just wanted to focus on this small victory.
He arrived back at the manor, after profusely thanking his friend for his help, a little before lunch time. He had just enough time to close the front door, lean against it, and sigh contently before a large crash came from the kitchen, followed by large amounts of white powder. "Damn you Padfoot!" He mumbled, trudging up the stares to deal with his devious dog.
~*~*~
Harry didn't wake up until the following morning. He yawned and stretched the best he could with his injuries, then sat up and fumbled around for his glasses. Putting them on, he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, and finally noticed the plate of food sitting beside him. He smiled at the smaller portions, wondering if Snape had something to do with that. He gently pulled the tray over his lap and slowly started to fill himself, savoring each and every bite. He'd never woken up to a hot meal before, he'd also never tasted apple cinnamon porridge either, it was actually quite good.
He washed down his breakfast with the glass of milk and set the tray down on the bedside table, then shifted so he was sitting at the edge of the large bed. He was either really small, or the bed was really big, since he was completely dwarfed by the size of it. However, he kind of figured it was the former.
He stood up and swayed when a small dizzy spell hit him due to spending so much time lying down, but then quickly righted himself and looked around for his shirt. He frowned when he didn't find it. Maybe it was in the trash? It belonged there, obviously, but.. Harry looked down at his half naked form. Oh well, it wasn't like no one had ever seen a chest before, though he was kind of sickened by being able to count his ribs.
Sighing, he made his way toward the door. His eyes widened when he realized how tall it was. Damn, he must be shorter then he thought. Sighing again ('I guess we're back to that', Harry thought to himself), the small teenager opened the door and turned right. Counting the number of doors, he opened the third one and stepped inside, gently locking it behind him.
Wow.. who knew a bathroom could be this big?
Harry quickly relieved himself, flushed the toilet, and washed his hands at the black and white marble sink before taking the time to look around. The tiled floor matched the sink. A see through, glass, octagon-shaped shower was placed on the middle wall. A large black marbled tub was set into the ground to his right. Harry walked over to it and kneeled down beside it. There were so many buttons! One of these days he was definitely going to try them out. Harry grinned and got back up. Heading toward the door, he looked around again. The walls were painted dark blue with a marbled design sprayed, or painted, however they did it, over top of the dark blue. Silver elaborate candle holders were also attached to the wall, scattered around the room. For a bathroom, it sure was beautiful.
Harry smiled and unlocked the door. Making his way back towards his bedroom, Harry let himself sink into the warm bed, and picked up the book that Severus had given him. Opening the cover, he started reading, all the while smiling contently, not even realizing he was doing so.
~*~*~
A few hours later, when it was nearing lunchtime, Padfoot, having been chased out of the kitchens for causing mischief, crept silently into Harry’s room, his dark blue eyes scanning the interior. He was a very large dog (his head came to Severus’ 5’8” frame hip), and looked like the type that loved to roughhouse and play hard. As he came into Harry’s room, however, he noticed a person in the bed and approached it very quietly as if he knew he had to be gentle. Slowly, he put his two large front paws on the bed and leaned up over the edge with an uncharacteristically quiet “woof.”
~*~*~
Harry jumped at the quiet sound, letting the book fall onto the bed, and he looked over at the large dog. His eyes widened in fear, but realizing the dog meant no harm, he calmed down slightly. This must be Padfoot. He had a certain twinkle around his eyes that just screamed 'mischievous'. Harry quickly looked down and found his place in the book, putting the bookmark in there, he placed the book on the bedside table.
Looking back up, he smiled gently. He still wasn't too sure if he'd be welcomed by the large dog. The small boy slowly put a hand out. Padfoot walked closer to his side of the bed and easily reared up to put his front paws back on top of the bed. He sniffed Harry's out stretched hand and the wet nose made Harry smile. A long tongue swiped across his hand, making him giggle. Smiling brightly, he patted the space beside him.
Padfoot jumped without hesitation even though he probably wasn't allowed on the beds. But since this was supposed to be Harry's bed, he didn't really mind the dog fur. The large dog was even bigger close up, especially with Harry sitting down, resting his back against the headboard. Padfoot gently walked up to stand beside Harry, almost like he was trying not to jostle the bed too much, he laid down, curling around the teen's small frame.
Harry rubbed behind the dog's ears, smiling at the low grumble that almost sounded like a purr. He was so heavy that he actually made the bed dip, making Harry slide into the large form. He was a very lovely dog. His fur was shaved short, and was a lovely black and blue color, similar to Harry's carpet. And his eyes were a beautiful shade of dark blue, they almost looked too intelligent to really be a dog's eyes. He moved his hand to slowly stroke the dog's long body, smiling when his leg would jump when Harry touched a sensitive spot.
~*~*~
A few minutes after Harry and Padfoot had settled down, Harry reading and petting Padfoot and Padfoot snoring softly, Harry’s door opened again and Severus came in with a lunch tray followed shortly after by a dirty blonde, amber-eyed, and pointy eared creature that could only be Remus.
“He’s gotten to you already, eh?” Severus said, eyeing Padfoot disdainfully. "Soon he’ll have you chasing rabbits and spilling the flour all over the kitchen; which, by the way Padfoot, took everyone more than two hours to clean!” Padfoot simply glanced over his shoulder at Severus and huffed as if to say, “and I’m supposed to care why?” Severus walked over to the side of the bed glaring at Padfoot and ordered, “off, Harry can’t eat with you on the bed.”
While this argument was going on, Remus walked to the other side of the lead, placing his two paws lightly on the mattress to peak over the high bed at Harry and lick his outstretched hand. He didn’t jump up though. He seemed better behaved than that, more docile then Padfoot, regardless of being half wolf.
Padfoot looked insulted, but obliged. He walked over to stand beside Remus and they licked each others faces in greeting. Shortly after that they settled down on the carpet, lying against each other in a yin-yang style. Settling the tray over Harry’s lap, Severus met his gaze again, at which point it was obvious to everyone but Severus, that there was a smudge of flour across his left cheek, and asked, “how’re you feeling today Harry?”
~*~*~
"Better." He smiled up at the man as he sat beside him and faced him on the large bed. "Padfoot is really nice." Harry looked down at the two dogs lying curled around each other. It was really sweet. Harry had never seen two mates before, so it was nice to see them interacting with each other like that.
Looking back up at Severus, Harry giggled. He looked quite comical with the large stain of flour on his pale cheek. The raven haired boy leaned over, careful of upsetting the tray in his lap, and gently rubbed his thumb across the flour a few times, before the light powder was erased completely. Settling back against the headboard, Harry picked up the turkey sandwich and taking small bites while washing it down with the glass of coke.
~*~*~
Severus smiled at Harry's comment and replied, "that's good to hear." Glancing over at the two mates, Severus snorted, "To you maybe. It's more of a love/hate thing with me." With a small sigh he turned back to Harry, only to have the young teen lean forward and caress his cheek. He was about to ask what he was doing, when he realized it must have been some flour he'd missed. "Thank you," he managed, looking very faintly embarrassed.
He sat on the edge of the bed, leaning on the headboard again, watching Harry eat with a small smile. "Your appetite’s improving a little I see," he mused, before his gaze drifted over to the book he'd given him. "Ah, you've gotten pretty far in 'The God in Flight.' What do you think so far?" He asked, tipping his head to one side slightly.
~*~*~
Harry swallowed the food in his mouth and washed it down with a sip of coke. Turning to Snape he grinned, "it's really good. I really like the characters. I can actually relate to the main character Simion and his home life. Although my dad is dead, but it's still the same thing. Worse I guess, since it's his actual dad beating him up, his own flesh and blood." Harry sighed, frowning. He had basically just come right out and said that his uncle beat him.. well, it wasn't like Snape hadn't known the gist of it. He also now knew he used to sleep in a cupboard. "And the budding relationship between Doriskos and him is really sweet. I've never read a gay novel before, though I've wanted to. The library doesn't carry those kinds of books... unfortunately." Harry frowned. Why would Snape have gay novels in his library? Was he just curious.. or?
~*~*~
Severus saw some distress cross Harry's features as he compared himself to Simion and lightly placed his hand on the teen's shoulder in a silent show of support. He didn't like anyone knowing what had happened to him either, and short of Lucius guessing and Harry actually seeing his scar, no one did know. He had the sinking feeling it would come out soon though, but figured it was for the best and might make Harry feel more at ease.
"Well, my library is full of all sorts of them, you're more then welcome to explore any time you want. I had to special order most of them because of the sheer close minded people in town, but it was worth it." Tapping the cover of the book lightly, Severus continued, "that went out of print the year I was born and if it hadn't of been for Lucius' help, I never would've smuggled it into the house. It's the first one I got you see; I believe I was about your age when I tracked that copy down."
~*~*~
Harry picked up the tray and put it on the table beside his bed. He was still thinking of the things that Vernon had used to do to him, but he tried to push the images down. Wrapping his good arm around himself in a half-assed attempt at a much needed hug (one which he was still unused to giving or receiving, or even asking for, for that matter), he leaned his head back against the headboard.
He gave a small grin (one that was completely watered down compared to his previous ones) when Severus mentioned having a library filled with those sorts of books. And the comment about close minded people.. he must be either gay or bi. Anyone in this town that was heterosexual seemed to be close minded, Harry had yet to meet anyone otherwise. Though maybe Mr. Malfoy was one of those people that was open minded, since his friend was gay or bi (if he even was, Harry still wasn't completely sure).
He couldn't wait to read those books though. He read pretty fast compared to his peers, so he'd probably be able to read a good sized novel a day if he read non stop. Definitely something to look forward too. It would be nice to compare opinions on the books with Severus too; he'd never been able to do that before. None of his old friends had ever really been into reading, unless they were forced to by the teacher. And the books they did read, were more like children's books or magazines. So it would definitely be nice to share a passion with someone else for once.
~*~*~
Severus noticed Harry’s mood dampen and slipped both his arms around him in a gentle hug. It was not normal for Severus to hug someone, but with Harry, things he hadn’t done in a while, like smile or laugh this often, were just easier.
Leaning back against the headboard, he kept his arms loosely wrapped around Harry’s small frame, offering whatever support he could. As if he hadn’t had it bad enough one way, being abused by his family, and then the other, being gay. Severus was lucky to have an understanding friend like Lucius when dealing with his problems, but Severus doubted Harry had ever had such a friend, and he wanted to make that up to him any way he could.
“It gets easier,” Severus murmured, lightly stroking his back; reflecting on his own internal wars in dealing with his father.
~*~*~
Harry sighed and curled up in Severus' arms, sitting on his crossed legs. His whole body fit comfortably curled up in the larger man's embrace. And for one moment, the constant chill was erased and his small frame replaced by warmth.
'It gets easier', how can it get easier? Sure, 'time heals' and all that, but he would still feel like he does now, the pain would just be numbed a little bit more. Maybe that was what Snape meant? But what would he do until that day came when his pain would be lessened, his loneliness and feelings of being weak dimmed? Would it take months, or years? Harry sighed. At least he wasn't *totally* alone now. He had Severus. And although the older man would eventually tire of his company; due to his superior intelligence and need to find someone he could actually communicate with on the same level, and finding someone to live with that was around his own age instead of a little kid, Harry could at least enjoy the present, right?
Sighing, the teen buried further into the large heat source. Maybe he wouldn't feel so cold once he ate a bit more? "Could I get the tour tomorrow?" He asked, just wanting to forget for now.
~*~*~
Severus wrapped his arms more securely around the small frame in his lap and looked him over with concern. Healing wouldn't be easy for him; he seemed pretty sensitive emotionally. 'Not so much different from you until you got so good at not caring,' muttered a cynical voice inside his head, which he begrudgingly acknowledged. It wouldn't be easy, but Severus was patient and he was willing to stick around until it sank in that he didn't plan on leaving.
He frowned lightly when Harry asked to be let out of bed so early. If he hadn't had sounded so sad and miserable Severus would have told him to wait, but maybe one short trip around the manor would be all right? Deciding to check on Harry's concussion, Severus lifted the boys head with one finger and stared into his eyes for a few moments before taking that same hand and shielding Harry's eyes from the light. He repeated the process once or twice before slipping his arm back around Harry and replying, "well, your pupils are still a little slow to react, but . . . if you promise to tell me if you get tired and not push yourself . . . I suppose a casual walk about won't do much harm."
Shifting his head to look at Padfoot and Remus, Severus added, "and you two had better be out from underfoot tomorrow, chasing rabbits in the yard or something to get rid of all that energy." Padfoot lifted his head and tipped it to one side as if to say, "who? Me? When have I *ever* gotten into any trouble?" A few moments later, however, Remus swatted at him lightly with his paw as if to say, "I'll make him behave."
~*~*~
Harry lifted his head to look over Severus' shoulder. He giggled when he saw the pair act like an old married couple, or at least that's what he had seen them behave like.
He ducked his head back down again, letting it rest in the crook of Snape's shoulder. Looking up at the down turned face, he smiled. "They're really cute. Do they always act like that?"
~*~*~
Smiling ruefully at Harry’s questions, Severus answered, “Oh yes, always. They’re a regular bunch of marauders, those two. Remus is so responsible usually and Padfoot’s so mischievous, I don’t know what they see in each other.” He paused to sigh briefly, “but I guess when you fall in love, you don’t really have a choice over who it is.”
Severus glanced at the clock on the opposite wall and mused, “I should probably go; the more rest you get, the better. I’ll be back later tonight with supper.” Gently disentangling himself from Harry, Severus pulled the blankets back up around his waist. “See you later Harry,” he said, skirting around Sirius and Remus to the door, leaving the two dogs behind like guardians, one of whom almost blended with the rug.
~*~*~
Harry smiled when Snape quietly closed the door behind him, leaving a small space for the dogs to go through if they wanted out. He still wasn't a hundred percent sure if Severus was gay, but if he wasn't, he was definitely very open minded for a straight person. Harry had never met another person who had even one of those qualities. Everyone he knew was heterosexual (or if they were gay, he sure didn't see any evidence of it) and against gays (from the way the students had reacted in the courtyard when his journal had been read out loud -and very loudly-, it was pretty obvious that they weren't pro-gay).
Harry sighed, shaking his head to rid himself of thoughts. He didn't need to be getting into another depressed mood (especially without Severus there to comfort him, he thought, grinning). But he quickly frowned, he really shouldn't get used to this. Sighing, he grabbed the book on the night stand and opened it to where he had left off. Leaning back comfortably, he got settled in for long hours of reading.
He grinned when the bed gently shook from Padfoot's weight. Looking up he patted his lap, where the large dog rested his head as Harry stroked him. From the corner of his eye, he saw Remus get up and make his way to the bed. The half-wolf seemed to scowl at the other dog, before licking Harry's out stretched hand and dropping to the ground beside the bed to sleep. Harry smiled and started reading.
CHAPTER 7: MY OWN WORST ENEMY
The next morning was met with very clear skies and sunshine filling the manor with its soft, golden light. Severus rose around nine. He was not normally a good sleeper, so rising at what would normally be a ludicrous hour for ones day, was normal to him. He dressed quickly and made his way down to the kitchens to collect Harry’s breakfast and a few other things he’d had Dobby fetch for him. He made his way back upstairs with a tray and a small box with the outfit he’d picked out for Harry. The outfit was nothing special: black pants, an emerald sweater to match his eyes, and a change of underwear and socks.
Sliding quietly into Harry’s room, Severus shooed Padfoot off the bed with a healthy glare; at which point the big dog once again joined Remus on the carpet. Severus settled the tray between them. Jessica had made a breakfast they could eat together, (a plate full of large croissants covered in chocolate with mugs of warm cider) thinking it an appropriate way to set up breakfast since Severus delivered all of Harry’s meals anyway.
Sitting gently at the foot of the bed (the boy was small enough that he only took up half the large bed), and leaning against the headboard, Severus opened his latest book and waited for Harry to wake up. He didn't notice how open his emotions were as they played over his features when he read. Since he’d become more guarded with emotions, reading was one of the few things that had really opened him up, and up until now he’d always done it alone. He had to say he liked the company. There was something refreshing and comforting about having Harry in the manor; like he’d finally found a kindred spirit. Severus moved away from that line of thought and tried to focus on his book, grinning softly all the while.
~*~*~
Several minutes passed after Severus' quiet entrance before Harry's eyes finally opened. His eyes widened when he saw Snape sitting at the edge of his bed, but seeing him absorbed in his reading, the small teen smiled. From what he could see of the half lidded eyes, his black orbs were alight with emotion, ranging from happiness to anger when he came over certain parts in the book. The thin lips were curved at the corners, barely noticeable, but they were as plain as day if you were used to seeing Snape's lips set in either an indifferent line or scowling during class.
Harry looked down at the plate in front of Severus. His eyes widened at the steaming croissants layered with chocolate. He'd never had one of those before, but he had definitely heard about them from his peers and his aunt and uncle when they ate it for lunch. Especially Dudley, it was hard not to notice when he was rubbing it in Harry's face, teasing him about not being able to eat at the table because he was just a nobody. Not the most creative of insults, but it had hurt Harry since he felt that way often enough.
Finally deciding to alert the man that he was awake, Harry smiled softly, sleep still making him warm and his eyes half lidded and heavy. "Morning," he said, his voice even quieter than it normally was.
~*~*~
Severus glanced up from his book and meet Harry's half lidded gaze, a genuine smile spreading over his features. "Good morning Harry," he said softly as if afraid to disturb the morning quiet. 'I've never seen him so relaxed when he's awake,' Severus mused to himself, taking in Harry's lithe, sated form. Already, there seemed to be something of a glow to his skin to indicate his improving health. Once he gained a little more weight, his already good looks would only multiply. Trailing his gaze casually back up to Harry's face he murmured, "you look better today. Please have some breakfast, they're Jessica's specialty."
Taking a sip of his own cup of cider, Severus asked, "how did you sleep last night, Harry?" Glaring pointedly at Padfoot for good measure, who in turn pointedly ignored him, he added, "those two didn't keep you up did they?"
~*~*~
Was it just him, or was Severus checking him out? He wasn't positive, since he'd never actually been checked out before, but he'd seen the looks that the other boys had given pretty girls, and the way Snape was looking at him, it sure looked like it. Though he didn't really see what was so interesting. He was too skinny, too pale, his eyes were too big, he had several scars (physical as well as mental), he was short, his hair always looked like he had just finished running against the wind even when he was inside, and his lips were fuller than most men's and looked like they could belong to a girl. He knew he wasn't ugly by any means, he just wasn't the type of person that was attractive enough to get a once over or even a second look.
Reaching over to grab a croissant, Harry looked up to meet Severus' dark gaze. "I slept really good," he said, smiling brightly, finally truly waking up. "I think I've slept more fully these past few days than in my entire life." He bounced slightly on the firm mattress, the tray jiggling slightly at the movement. "It's the most comfortable place I've slept in too. I thought I was going to have trouble falling asleep since it's a new place and everything, but I actually feel more safe here and a he-" Harry cut himself off quickly, " more comfortable." He finished, smiling and blushing faintly when he caught himself from swearing in front of his teacher.
"And no, they didn't keep me up. Padfoot tried jumping on my bed once, but Remus made him go back down onto the floor. It's really funny watching those two interact. It's like they're acting like humans, it's kind of weird actually. But I don't mind Padfoot sleeping up here with me, he's really warm and it's like sleeping next to a really big pillow." Harry smiled, looking down at said dog, who was looking back at him with his tongue hanging out of his mouth in a mimic of a smile, as if he knew what Harry had said. Yes, definitely weird how these animals were so intelligent.
~*~*~
Severus chuckled lightly when Harry censored himself. He was so polite for someone who had been treated so badly, and more open with his emotions than Severus had been at that age; both things the dark haired man considered miracles. 'Very strong for a creature that looks so small,' Severus mused to himself while biting into his own croissant, 'like a diamond in the rough.'
"Well, dogs are actually very intelligent creatures. They have the capacity to do simple arithmetic and a very complex social structure. Mostly it's just wolves, but dogs come from wolves, so the instinct is there. Besides, Remus is half wolf and Padfoot is as close as you can get to being part wolf without crossing the line from dog, so their intelligence is not surprising to me so much as is their capacity for mischief." Severus watched Remus and Padfoot wrestle together on the floor for a moment before turning back to Harry.
"Oh I almost forgot," he said sliding over the box of clothing, "this is for you. I think it's about your size and it should tide you over until we go shopping. I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty of ordering it."
~*~*~
Harry's eyes widened in surprise. For him? And actually in his size? How would Severus know his size? Harry frowned and brought the box closer to himself. Removing the lid, he set it to the side slowly. Carefully pulling out the small green sweater, Harry's eyes widened in awe. It was so beautiful! He touched the soft fabric in reverence, he'd never been allowed to have his own clothes before.. and new even!
Harry smiled and pulling the sweater over top of his bare chest carefully, gently maneuvering his right arm through the sleeve without too much pain, and quickly slid his other arm in and pulled the sweater awkwardly over his head with only one arm. It fit perfectly! It was actually snug for once, instead of hanging of his frame like a large garbage bag. His smiled brightened and hugged himself. Feeling so happy at such a small thing might have been weird to some people, but Harry had never even had his own clothes, none the lone something that was actually soft to the touch, well, if you didn't count the well faded and worn clothes he used to have.
Still smiling, Harry pulled the white cotton briefs and black socks out of the box, he was even grateful at receiving this. Disgusting as it sounds, he'd always had to wear Dudley's old boxers, so it would be nice to have something that actually fit him in that area, he hated boxers anyway, he didn't like hanging loose. It tended to hurt more when he got kicked there by Dudley's friends. And his socks had always been too big for his small feet and had ended up drooping at the ankles, a very comical sight maybe, but also very annoying and uncomfortable.
Harry set the undergarments beside him, and looked back into the box, not really expecting anything more, but he'd noticed the bottom was black, and since most boxes didn't come like that, he figured there was something else in it.
The excited teen pulled out the long, sleek, black pants. Running a hand along the cloth, he grinned. It was even softer then the sweater. He smiled and carefully folded the pants (though it was a bit sloppy with only one hand to work with) and put them to the side. Reaching across him to move the tray to the night table, he literally leaped at Severus. Ignoring the stab of pain when his arm made contact with the older man's chest, he wrapped his other arm around Snape's neck, not caring about the croissant in the one hand. "Thank you!" He exclaimed, still at a loss for words other then being able to thank the generous man. He'd never received a gift before, and for it to be something he had never had for himself in his whole life.. it was definitely something to be happy and excited about, and Harry was definitely feeling both those things.
~*~*~
Severus' eye's widened in shock when Harry flung himself at him. It took him a few moments to recover, but when he did, he smiled wider than before and wrapped his arms gently around Harry's small frame. "You're welcome Harry, any time," he said, still a little surprised at the force he'd been hit with; nothing strong enough to knock him over, mind, but nothing he expected from Harry quite yet, given the state he'd been it. 'Strong in spirit and body eh? This one's a regular lion.'
After a minute or two, Severus pulled back slightly and produced an actual sling from his pocket. "I'm not letting you walk around the manor without some proper support for that arm," he said, laying the small contraption beside them on the bed. Looking back at Harry he grinned slightly. That sweater really did bring out his eyes. "Well, I've got to let those two out," he said motioning vaguely towards the still wrestling dogs behind them, "and I'm sure you'll want to change before I show you around. It's a big place, but it's pretty simple once you know the layout."
Giving Harry's good hand one last affectionate squeeze, Severus pulled away and motioned for the dogs to follow him. They all but bolted out of the room, just waiting for the chance to run around outside and chase rabbits and what not. Before closing the door, Severus looked back and said, "feel free to help yourself to more croissants if you're still hungry; I'll just be a minute." And with that he was gone, the echo of barking dogs trailing after him.
~*~*~
Harry smiled and ate another croissant, savoring the melted chocolate on top and washing it down with lukewarm cider. Setting the tray so there was no chance of it falling off the small table, Harry picked up his clothes and headed towards the bathroom.
The floor was incredibly cold on his bare feet, but he grimaced and tried to ignore it. Putting his clothes over the rack near the shower, he grabbed a towel from the closet that he had noticed earlier from his second visit last night before going to bed, and put it on the silver rail just outside the shower door. Stripping his baggy jeans and loose boxers, he chucked them near the door, where he would pick them up later. Pulling off his sweater with more care, Harry set it on top of the other clothes. Since he was getting new clothes, he didn't think he'd need those anymore. And if he was forced to rely on just the clothes on his back, he'd be better off with what Snape had given to him since they actually fitted.
Harry stepped into the large shower and closed the glass door gently behind him. Looking around, he spotted several hair shampoo bottles and a plump Dove Ivory soap on a small rack underneath all the bottles. Harry frowned and chose a red bottle, turning it over he read 'Pears Strawberry shampoo'. Clicking open the lid, he tilted it towards his nose. Taking a large whiff, he smiled at the pleasant smell. Closing it, he put it back on the shelf, remembering to keep it separate from all the other brightly colored bottles.
Looking down at the different buttons, he frowned. Who knew a shower could be so complicated? He finally decided on just pressing the middle button. He yelped when a large stream of warm water suddenly rained down on him. At least it was a good temperature. Standing back straight, he tilted his head towards the steady stream, letting it soak him thoroughly. He smiled at the pleasant sensation of warm water raining down on his body. He'd always had to take showers out in the back yard with the hose, so this was definitely a nice change, among the many other new things that had changed in his life. A new bed, his own room (one that he could actually walk all the way around without bumping into a wall after two steps), new friends, no more abuse, privacy, all the books he could ever hope to read, food.. the list went on. He'd never had those kinds of luxuries at his relative's house. He just really hoped this wasn't all pulled away from him, he didn't know if he could survive after knowing what it was like to live so freely.
Pulling the bottle off the self, he opened the cap and put some of the red soapy liquid onto his hair. Tilting his head back so it wouldn't run into his eyes, he closed the cap again with one hand and put it back in its original location, just in case Snape had it in some kind of order that he needed or something like that.
Stepping back from the spray so it just hit his chest in a steady rhythm, he soaped up his hair, letting the suds collect in his long strands. Finished with soaping his hair, he stepped back into the spray and ran his hand through his wet locks, where the red soap traveled down his slim frame and into the large covered drain (some kind of silver cage thingy seemed to be placed over top of it so large objects -like soap- wouldn't fall down).
Grabbing the white, which looked to be mostly unused, soap he rubbed it over his body, another pleasure he had never had before. He'd never been allowed to use the family's soap since it supposedly cost a lot of money and he'd been taught from an early age that their money would never be wasted on a nothing like him. So he'd just relied on the harsh cold spray to wash away the dirt and bacteria and whatever else soap was supposed to wash away, off his skin. It wasn't too bad in the summer, but when it was winter, he'd found himself going for weeks without showers because he knew he would just freeze under the hose. But eventually he had begun to smell, so the Dursley's forced him to wash while they watched from the window, standing warm and cozy inside while he stood outside naked under the hose. None of the neighbors had seen this of course (because he knew how unlucky he was, it only made sense) due to the tall wooden fence running around the property.
Shaking his head to stop himself from reliving the past, he slowly rotated, letting the blessedly warm spray run over his back and buttocks, before turning back around. Frowning slightly, he decided to press the middle button again, luckily enough (though he'd never thought of himself as that) it was the right button to push to turn the spray off.
Stepping out of the shower, he grabbed the large, fluffy, navy blue towel and dried himself off thoroughly. Tossing it to the ground, he picked up the tight briefs from the nearby rack and pulled them on, smiling at the snug fit. Pulling the warm socks over his small feet, he was surprised that Severus had been so good with his measurements. Wiggling his toes, he grinned. He really loved the stretchy material at the ankle, who knew socks were supposed to actually stay up? Harry giggled quietly, and awkwardly pulled on his pants. He finally decided to sit on the cold ground to pull them up easier. They fit perfectly too. Maybe a bit loose around the waist, but it definitely fit better than he was used to. Taking the last item on the rack, he pulled it up over his messy hair, making it even messier. Once again he had to struggle to put his injured arm into the hole and trying to pull the sweater over his head with only one hand.
Finally, he got everything into the right place. Bending down, he picked up the discarded damp towel and tossed it into the hamper. Walking over to the sink, he found a toothbrush still in it's package. He wasn't too sure it was his, but considering the only other one in the holder was a black toothbrush that obviously belonged to Severus, he guessed it could be a safe bet. Opening it up, he placed the wrapper into the small metal garbage bin beside the sink and pulled out the dark red brush. He smiled sadly, another luxury. He guessed it wasn't too bad, since he didn't get to eat often enough to actually need to brush his teeth. But now that he was having regular meals, it only made sense to brush after each one.
Taking the time to brush his teeth, he spat and rinsed out his mouth and the brush and put the small toothbrush into the silver plated cup holder. He smiled at himself in the mirror, pleased at the mint flavor in his mouth. His teeth actually looked a bit whiter too, probably because there had always been a very thin film over top of this teeth. At least it was gone now. He opened the brush that had also been in a package and used it to untangle his hair. He actually managed to get it into a semblance of order.
The long black bangs now brushed his chin, instead of just reaching his eyes (he'd always been able to grow his hair fast, but this wasn't much of a change considering he had used discarded bobby pins to discreetly pull back his bangs so they wouldn't go into his eyes at much. He figured he didn't much need them now. The rest of his hair was long enough to reach his shoulders. It actually looked a little bit shinier and even bouncy. A drastic change compared to his previous limp and dull hair. Obviously he had not been able to get any shampoo while washing outside, so he'd never been able to fully wash his hair either. At least it had never been oily, just unhealthy looking.
Sighing gently, he placed the dark red brush into the larger glass holder, already home to a similarly styled brush except for the black tint to the handle.
Grinning, he walked back to his rooms. Snape wasn't there and Harry figured he was still taking the dogs out, so he grabbed his glasses and placed them over the bridge of his nose. Picking up the professional looking blue sling that Severus' had given him, he gently placed his injured arm into it and put the strap on the other side of his shoulder over his head. It definitely felt a lot better. His makeshift sling had really not done the job.
Smiling at how good he felt, physically and even mentally, he sat down on the bed to wait for Severus to come to his room.
~*~*~
Severus just barely avoided being knocked over by Padfoot and Remus as they burst out the door and into the gardens. He paused a moment to glare after them before turning about and quickly making his way back to Harry’s room. He tucked some of his, still slightly damp from his morning shower, hair behind his ear as he walked. He noticed his footfalls echoed loudly on the hard marble floor of the foyer as he made for the left of the pair of sweeping staircases. It then occurred to him how quiet the house was and had been for so long. He could probably count the number of rooms he’d used on his hands alone. Severus had conditioned himself to live mostly alone over the years, and it was only the recent three additions that made him realize what a pathetic existence being alone really was.
He’d always wanted to have more than just Lucius in his life, especially since they rarely saw each other now that Lucius had married and had a child. If he were to be truly honest with himself, Severus knew he was a basically solitary person, but even the most solitary of people wants a little company. He had Harry now, but he didn’t know for how long; would he really want to stay here while he went to college or got a job? Pushing those thoughts aside, Severus told himself to ask Harry about his intentions when it felt right.
Upon reaching Harry’s door, Severus knocked lightly and almost before his fist connected with the door a second time he heard a soft, “come in.” Opening the large door and sliding inside the room, Severus met Harry’s gaze almost immediately and they both smiled upon seeing each other. “Green really suits you, “ Severus commented, glancing briefly down at Harry’s sweater, “it brings out your eyes.” Smiling again at Harry he asked, “are you ready to go then?”
~*~*~
Harry smiled at the compliment, though he still doubted it. Although Snape did not seem like the type of man to lie, maybe he was just being nice? When the raven haired teen had looked into the mirror in the bathroom, all he had seen was bright green eyes. They didn't look any different from what they normally did, even with the dark green sweater. Maybe it was just because he had no fashion sense? Harry grinned and stood up from the bed. He trailed behind Snape until they exited his room, then matched his pace with the older mans. "So, where are we going first?"
~*~*~
"Well I thought we'd start in the foyer because that's where you enter the manor." Severus replied, leading Harry down a long hallway with rich cream colored walls, a thick hunter green carpet, and some electric candlesticks lighting the way. "This wing is mostly bedrooms, so seeing as it's just you and me, it should be pretty quiet most of the time," Severus explained, turning a corner and leading Harry down a sweeping marble staircase into the foyer. The large black walnut front doors were accented on either side by actual torches. "I have a taste for some old fashioned things," Severus explained when he noticed Harry gawking at them. The foyer was two stories in height with the same cream colored walls as the hallways and a beautiful domed ceiling that was painted to resemble a thunder-storming sky. If you had just come inside and were facing it with your back to the front doors, you could see the hallway of the second story that passed through the foyer with two staircases of the same white marble as the floor sweeping down on either side. Under the gap between the stair cases was a short hallway and another set of large oak doors. The final cozy touch was added to the room by a few potted trees interspersed throughout the room, obviously carefully tended.
Severus was facing the stairs as though he'd just come home, watching Harry’s gob-smacked gaze graze over the room, and fought to suppress a chuckle. He's jaw would get sore from hanging open like that if he kept slack like that the entire tour; though he had to admit it was rather amusing to watch such wonderment spread over the teen's face. He stayed quiet for a few minutes, allowing Harry to poke around before he pointed to the doors through the gap in the stairs. "The ballroom's just through there if you'd like to have a look," he said a small smile playing on his lips.
~*~*~
Harry obviously hadn't seen any of this part of the house, since he'd been asleep when Snape carried him in. The only things he'd seen was his own bedroom, the hallway outside, and the bathroom. He'd never been anywhere else in the manor. But he never would have expected any of this.. not in his wildest dreams.
He'd never even been around any thing remotely this.. expensive or tasteful. Or even in a place this.. cozy, there was no other way to describe it. He actually felt safe in these walls, if a bit lonely with how silent the whole house was. But he was used to being alone and in silence, so it wouldn't be too much of a difference. At least he would know Severus was under the same roof as him, and his bedroom was even right across the hall.
Harry looked towards the space between the elegant stairs. "A ballroom?" He'd never seen a ballroom before, he'd only heard of them while reading a trashy romance novel that he had managed to scrounge up from the trash bin where Aunt Petunia has tossed it out because it was missing it's cover. But.. "Why would you have a ballroom?" Snape didn't seem like he knew a lot of people.. He didn't want to say that though, it was probably a touchy subject. Severus looked like he enjoyed the lack of companionship. Then again, everyone needed *someone* sooner or later. If a man like Severus needed someone, then Harry sure did.
Harry wasn't as good at blocking his emotions from the world unless he really needed to and put some effort into it, but Snape was an expert. Although the raven haired boy had seen plenty of smiles and laugher pass those thin lips, and even his eyes had a certain spark at times, he doubted many other people got to see the same thing. Maybe Mr. Malfoy, since he was long time friends with Severus. But they didn't seem very close now. Harry felt really grateful that Severus would trust him with showing his emotions.
He knew that some people closed off in fear of getting hurt; he was one of them. Although he tended to put on a smile, deep down he always doubted himself. So that was just another thing that Snape and him had in common. It was almost odd for a man at least twice his age to have so much in common with him, but it was definitely nice to have that close companionship with someone else. Being able to understand, and be understood without much trouble was almost a dream come true.
~*~*~
"Seems out of context, doesn't it?" Severus mused, looking at the large wooden doors as though trying to commit them to memory. "This manor was built in the 1800's by some of my ancestors. They were Lords or dukes of some sort and nothing less, but a manor of the highest elegance and formal entertainment only would do. When the manor came to me I did a lot of remodeling. I felt no need to tear down the ballroom for some other purpose because I use so little space in the manor already. It's rather large, and it doesn't lead to anything else."
Severus led Harry forward under the stairs and pulled back the doors to reveal a room half the size of his library, with tall elaborate windows all along the opposite wall (all of which were heavily draped in white silk that sparkled slightly), and a polished Thyme wood dance floor from wall to wall. The walls seemed gray, but upon further examination, sparkled with silver paint and one massive chandelier whose crystals caught all the light from the windows and reflected it in rainbows across the room.
"I must admit it's a bit much for my tastes," Snape admitted, scanning the room, "but it's not a bad room and it could very well come in handy for any future occupants. For me it just seems a bit too formal... fake almost... like it's trying to make itself too important. The view’s nice though." And he was right, because outside the forest was visible for miles through the trees.
~*~*~
Harry stared at the room with wide eyes. The morning sunlight bouncing off the crystals made colorful lights dance around the room's walls. Harry smiled and stepped further into the room, trying to get a better view of the outside. It was definitely a beautiful sight. "This place must look beautiful when it's dark outside and only the moon casts light into this place." He could almost picture the moon's rays casting shadows over the forest, making it look dark and mysterious, yet the faint light pouring into the large room would be enhanced by the crystal chandelier. It would make far corners seem darker, yet the walls would be sparkling like the night sky.. definitely a beautiful image. Harry closed his mouth, blushing when he realized he had been talking out loud. He really had to stop that habit.
~*~*~
An amused smile found its way to Severus' lips as Harry walked around the room in awe of the view. "Yes it is," Severus replied to his comment, sweeping his gaze over the forest beyond. Like a fortress protecting his home, and least that's how he always though of it. He would be the first to tell you that he was a possessive man. "You can't appreciate it properly from this room though. When we go up to the observatory you'll see what I mean. "
~*~*~
Harry turned around, a faint blush still marring his cheeks, and walked back to join Severus by the entrance. Closing the door behind him, the older man led the way up the stairs towards the observatory. Harry frowned and sped up his pace, trying to match Snape's. Looking up at the pale profile, the small teen asked, "what exactly is an observatory?" while trying not to sound breathless as he tried to match his short steps with the man's larger ones.
~*~*~
"Exactly what the name says; a place to observe. More specifically to observe the stars, though from mine you also get a great view of the forest. You really should see it the first night it's clear; the view is unbelievable." After walking up to the fifth floor of the manor, Severus led Harry down another hallway much like all the others except this one had no windows at the end or along its side, only a small piece of rope hanging from the ceiling.
"Stand back a little," Severus warned Harry, as he pulled on the rope and a sturdy wooden ladder slid down from the ceiling. "It's just up here," Severus explained, climbing the ladder into the observatory. Once inside he turned around and offered Harry a hand getting off the ladder. Once they were both inside, Severus took a good look around. It was a bare circular room with thick white carpeting and instead of walls it was incased in a large glass dome offering a 360 degree view of the sky and surrounding forests.
"This is the highest point in the manor," Severus explained. In fact the room meant quite a lot to him, being above even the library in his list of favorites. It had been a sanctuary for him ever since childhood. This is where he'd hidden from his father in general, and also where he'd hidden and read the first books in his collection that he hadn't wanted his father to find; the first that were burned. The one night he'd been foolish enough to try to bring one of the books back to his room. That night that haunted Severus for so many years and to this day he still had the neurotic compulsion to check the locks himself before he went to bed. Even then there was a tiny feeling of uneasiness.
Severus shuddered slightly , his eyes darkening even further at the unpleasant memories. It was then he realized that Harry had stopped in his gaping and had turned to look at him curiously as though he was thinking of whether or not to ask him what was wrong out loud.
Severus took in a breath to change the subject, slightly alarmed at that slip in emotions, something that hadn’t happened in years without his permission, but he stopped himself. Harry still had a lot of healing to do, and for a lot of that he'd need to trust Severus. How could Harry trust him if Severus was elusive? Friendly and elusive wouldn't solve anything. So instead, with a force of will, he managed to remain silent; letting Harry do as he wished.
~*~*~
Harry gaped at the circular room. He'd never seen anything so amazing! It frightened him a bit with its openness, but other then that, it was beautiful. He had never seen a room that was actually encased in glass. It definitely had an awesome view of the night sky and the forest. Harry had always loved looking up at the sky when he was forced to sleep outside; it was a huge comfort to him to watch the swirling grey clouds flow over the dark blue sky, the faint twinkling of stars seeming just out of reach, yet almost touchable.
Harry smiled and turned back to Severus to tell him what he thought. The smile quickly vanished at the look on the other man's face. He'd never seen him look so depressed and almost.. scared? Harry took a step closer to the somber man, wondering if he should ask what was wrong, when suddenly Severus seemed to blink out of whatever memory he had been caught up in, and the dark gaze turned to meet his. Harry opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but closed it instead. It wasn't any of his business, and he was pretty sure that Snape wouldn't want to be telling his life story to anyone anytime soon. Harry only wanted Severus to tell him things about his past when he felt like he needed to or wanted to, not leave it up to Harry to ask. Although the young man had asked him several questions, he'd never asked any real direct questions about his professor's past. He had a feeling it was similar to his, since Severus understood him so well and knew the signs of neglect and abuse.
Harry erased the small space between them, and wrapped his good arm around the man's chest (he wished he could use both of them to give Severus a proper comforting hug..). Turning his head to the side so his cheek pressed against the firm chest, Harry tightened his grip the best he could with only one arm.
He whispered quietly, "we all have bad memories, some more than others. It's okay if you don't share them with others. I don't want you to just share your past with me simply because of my own childhood. Just because I hav-had a bad home life, doesn't mean that I have to hear every life story that is similar to mine." Harry paused and took a deep breath, wondering if he should continue.
Tightening his grip, he plowed ahead, not really thinking about what he was saying, just going on instinct. "I'd like to know about your past, but if you don't wanna share it, then don't. I understand that, hel-heck, I can relate to it." Harry smiled sadly. Rubbing his cheek against Severus' smooth black shirt, he continued, "but please.. don't just tell me because you think it will make us closer, tell me because you want to, just for the sake of telling someone else that can understand or try to understand. Not for the sake of making me trust you. I do trust you, but I doubt myself so much that it's hard to understand exactly why you seem to like me and care about me. But I do trust you."
Harry sighed, and stepped back slightly to look down at the carpeted floor. He hoped that this would make Severus easier around him, stop him from being so tense and forcing himself to talk about his past simply because he thought it would make Harry trust him. The teen wasn't that stupid, he had figured out what Snape was doing after awhile. Not many people talked about their past, especially if it was bad, and the older man definitely did not look like the type that would. Harry didn't want him to force himself to do anything.
Sighing, the raven haired boy looked up into Severus' face; he hoped he hadn't over stepped anything. Harry wasn't good with words when it came to speaking out loud. He always came out too emotional or he didn't make sense. His old friend had even told him that. He just wasn't good when it came to talking. It wasn't that bad though, he made up for it with his poetry.
Harry sighed and looked up at the night sky. The room was completely silent, he knew he had over stepped the line. The professor would probably just send him back to his room now or.. send him back. Harry muffled a sniff in his sleeve, trying not to call attention to himself as Severus looked deep in thought. He wouldn't start crying now, there was nothing to cry over. Of course Snape wouldn't just boot him out of the house. He may ignore Harry for a few days until he got his personal shields back up, but that wasn't too bad. Although Harry would miss the closeness that had been building between them since day one.
Harry sighed. He should have just kept his mouth shut.. when had it ever done him any good to talk? Vernon had certainly taught him that lesson well enough. It was too bad that he had forgotten it. But all he had wanted to do was comfort Severus.. he didn't like seeing pain in those dark eyes. He wanted to see the man smile again, laugh again, the deep throated laughter that made his stomach flip in an almost pleasent sensation. He just wanted to see Severus happy.. that wasn't too much to ask for, was it?
~*~*~
Shocked silent and still at Harry's actions and words, Severus was only able to watch like an outsider looking in as the small teen attempted to comfort him. It should have been unsettling how he almost seemed to be reading Severus' every thought, but... instead it was comforting. It was the most open thing Harry had ever done, and on some level he felt that drive to help someone who had a past like his shatter and blow away. This wasn't quite about a rescue mission anymore; it was a little more personal. Even more shocking to Severus was that a man nearly two decades his junior was so insightful... Severus was just...blown away. It was an amazing shift of perspectives, like seeing Harry more as a young adult than an abused teenager.
It was a minute or two before the shock wore off enough for Severus to remember exactly where he was. Looking over at Harry, he found him fighting back tears and staring hard at the floor. Despite the doubt the teen must have been feeling at his actions at that moment, no one in their right mind could deny they were both compassionate and brave, even if Harry didn't realize it yet.
"Harry..." Severus murmured, placing a gentle hand on the teen's shoulder to gain his attention. Harry slowly lifted his head and watery emerald eyes met black-brown. With a small smile, Severus stepped forward and embraced Harry gently so as not to hurt his arm. "Thank you." he said softly, before stepping back to look at Harry again.
~*~*~
The minutes continued to tick by for Harry as he stared hard at the floor, trying not to just burst out crying. He'd had enough of that these past few days. Snape didn't need to see anymore of his tears.
A large hand on his shoulder pulled him from his self-degrading thoughts. Looking up, Harry sniffed again and blinked sharply, trying to rid himself of his watery vision. His eyes widened in surprise when Severus pulled him into his arms and actually said 'thank you'. He'd never had someone thank him before..
The large man pulled back, his hands still remaining on Harry's shoulders as he looked down at him. The young man frowned and asked, "you're not mad?" Surely Snape would have been mad at having his personal life laid out and brought into the open like that?
~*~*~
"No, I'm not mad," Snape said calmly, "You were very observant just then, and it means a lot to me to know that you trust me. I trust you too." Snape looked calmly down at Harry, for once in his life at a loss for what to say. After a few moments he just nodded and said, "thank you," again.
~*~*~
Harry smiled brightly. "I'm glad," he said simply, and pulled Severus into another half-hug (well, on his part due to his arm). He *was* really glad that Snape trusted him. He knew that showing Harry his scar had cost a lot of trust, but Harry still knew it was because Severus felt that he had to show him things from his own past in order for the younger man to trust him. So he had just wanted to tell him that he no longer had to do that. If he wanted to share something with him, then he was all ears. But he didn't want Snape talking to him about his past simply because he thought Harry should know so Harry himself would open up more.
The young man didn't think that he would just spill out his whole life story to the older man, but he knew that he would let bits and pieces slip every now and then, let Severus piece it together; he was smart enough to. If Snape wanted to do that, then he was fine with it. If he wanted to spill his whole life story in one setting to get it over with, that was okay. If he didn't want to talk about it at all, that was fine too. Harry would accept whatever he was given.
Harry sighed and pulled back, tentatively putting his smaller hand into Snape's. He looked up and smiled shyly. "Where are we going next?"
~*~*~
A small smile found it's way to Severus' features; he hadn't met someone so understanding since he met Lucius, and that was saying something. "The dining room and the kitchens are next, though we may only get a glimpse of the kitchens because Jessica is very possessive of them." His smile widened a little, "she's a brilliant cook, just don't get in her way when she's cooking."
He led Harry back down the stairs, into the hallway above the foyer, and turned left. About 30 yards down, there were two large cherry wood doors which Severus pulled open to reveal a large rectangular room with a table of dark walnut to fit it, a large fireplace on the opposite wall, two large windows on either side of the fireplace, a carpet in burgundy to match the drapes, cream colored walls covered in paintings of nature at night or just the stars, a small white door in the far right hand corner of the room that obviously led to the kitchen, and a ceiling painted to look like the canopy of a forest. Overall, the room had a warm, rich, homey feel to it; perfect for meal times.
Leading Harry inside, Severus watched him look around while silently reviewing the events upstairs in his mind. For all his musings he came to one conclusion: he was going to enjoy getting to know Harry more, quite a lot.
~*~*~
Harry walked around the room slowly, admiring the various paintings. He wished he was able to capture these kinds of landscapes. He loved looking at these kinds of pictures, he always found them really relaxing. Turning back around, he scanned the room again. He had definitely never pictured this as a dining room for a mansion. He'd pictured shiny hard wood floors that echoed eerily when you walked, a large room that made you feel even lonelier when you ate by yourself at the head of the table, and an incredibly long table that would make the other person on the end barely visible. But Snape himself had said he'd made some adjustments to the manor, so obviously making it cozier was one of them. Considering he lived on his own, Harry could understand that. He wouldn't want to be in large rooms that just reminded you of how lonely you truly were.
Harry sighed, looking at the kitchen door. He was obviously going to have to figure out the times that Jessica was in there so he wouldn't run into her. Once Harry was better, Severus and him were obviously going to go back to school. He usually ended up getting midnight snacks when he woke up from a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep, so maybe Jessica would be asleep with the rest of the staff?
Harry looked back towards Severus and tilted his head. "Does she have people to help her?" If Severus was the only one living here that would be served, it seemed odd that she would need help to make one meal. Although she must make the rest of the staff's food too.. if she had help it would make it harder to sneak down here. Harry didn't want anyone to know that he woke up frequently at night because of nightmares.
~*~*~
"No, she's a very efficient cook," Severus said, studying Harry for a moment. He looked almost nervous. "I didn't mean to frighten you against her with that warning; she really is the most charming woman. She just likes to be left alone when she's cooking, much like I'm sure you like to be left alone when reading a really good part of your favorite book. I don't think she would've started lunch yet, so we should be just fine."
Leading Harry forward through the white door they found Jessica, a blue eyed, auburn haired woman, just closing a book with the bookmark halfway through. She sat at a simple table of ash wood. The kitchen around her was one of the few rooms without rugs. Instead it had a warm brick floor, cherry wood cabinets and drawers and light gray marble countertops. There was one door in the far left hand corner for the pantry, and a silver door opposite that for the freezer. The oven was a large brick oven in the center of the back wall with a crisp fire already burning. "Good book Jess?" Severus inquired in his usual tone.
Jessica looked up from the table and grinned devilishly at Severus. "I hate you. I was up until two in the morning reading this."
Raising a questioning eyebrow in her direction Severus replied, "it's not my fault if you can't control yourself in reading a book."
Jessica, unlike most people, seemed undeterred by this while not hostile, somewhat aloof manner and just smiled ruefully and shook her head. Standing, she put the book in the pocket of her apron and stood before them. "Is there something I can get for you then?"
"No, I'm just showing Harry around the manor."
Jessica looked over at Harry and smiled slightly, “No, I don't suppose it would do to have him getting lost now would it? Well I hope you enjoy your stay here Harry; if you ever need anything just call. Don't let Severus scare you off, I'm not that bad when I cook."
"The food? No. The demeanor? I've seen pregnant woman with more stable attitudes."
Jessica laughed ruefully again, "yeah, okay. So I get a little defensive."
"A little?" Severus inquired, but Jess just laughed again and turned to Harry, "So how do you like the manor so far Harry?"
~*~*~
"I-it's re-really nice." He felt his cheeks heat up as he started stuttering again. It wasn't that Jessica was a bad person or anything, she actually seemed really nice, but people always made Harry nervous, well, with the exception of Severus, and it was always his first reaction to distrust them until he got to know them better. But he tended to stay away from new people, so that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon.
And once he did calm down around them and stop stuttering, they would always question him about why he stuttered and then they would get angry, saying that he was lying to them the whole time because they thought he had a real problem with stuttering that was unfixable. It had happened to him with his earlier friends, including Ron, who he had thought wouldn't have reacted so big. So after that, he'd just kept stuttering even when he wasn't all that nervous. The first time he had stopped stuttering with Severus, he had had a strong hunch that Snape wouldn't think his stuttering was fake, think that it was just him lying to people. That it really was a nervous habit around people in general. He had been correct in that hunch, Snape hadn't even commented when he'd stopped stuttering.
Harry sighed and focused on his feet, another nervous habit; never looking people in the eye. He'd learned that bullies hated that. So did most people for that matter. Jessica would probably end up thinking his stuttering was some kind of disability or something, and he was fine with that. She could go on believing it like everyone else had, and did. He wasn't going to correct her.
If Harry stopped to think about it, which he often did with all the time he had on his hands and the amount of times he just spaced off to think, it was a defense mechanism. He subconsciously knew that most people got tired of people who stuttered and would eventually just give up. That's why he had been surprised when Ron had become his friend, but as soon as he stopped stuttering and became more comfortable around the red head, Ron had left him. So Harry didn't bother to stop, he even did it when he was comfortable with the person, which wasn't often since he didn't feel comfortable around anyone. Then there was Severus.. he'd felt safe and comfortable around him from the first day. It was weird, but Harry figured that Snape and him shared so many things in common that he would naturally feel more comfortable around the older man.
Harry shook his head slightly, trying to dislodge his thoughts so he could actually pay attention to the other people in the room.
~*~*~
Jess smiled warmly at Harry and said, "good, I hope you'll be comfortable here." She looked like she was about to say something else when the clock chimed 11:00. "Ah, I'd better get started on the lunches then. It was nice meeting you Harry, make sure to check out the library if you haven't already." And with that parting statement, she promptly ushered them out the door.
Once back in the dining room, Severus stared indignantly at the door for a few moments as though daring it to do something out of the ordinary, then shook his head and muttered, "if I didn't know better, I'd think she thinks she owns the place." Severus had had Jessica on his staff for many years, and although he wasn't particularly close to her, he felt they understood each other to an extent.
Turning back to Harry, he sighed briefly before tipping his head to the side and asking, "So would you like to see the gardens or the Library next? Other than more guest rooms and other rooms I really never use, that's all that's left."
~*~*~
Harry frowned thinking. If they went to the library last, then he could grab a book from there since he had finished the book that Severus had given him. Besides, he really wanted to see the gardens. He loved reading outside, so he'd obviously need to know where the best location would be.
"Lets go to the gardens. I'd really like to know of a good place to read outside." Harry said, smiling, his stutter completely gone now that he and Severus were alone. He also wanted to see Snape's bedroom, but he figured that it must be pretty private and would mean a lot to the older man, so he would only enter if Severus asked him to or if it was an emergency of some sort.
~*~*~
"Alright, follow me then," Severus replied, leading Harry out of the dining room on the third floor back down to the hallway that passed through the foyer and this time to the right. They walked down a few hallways before they came to a large door engraved with a beautiful garden scene. Pushing through that, Severus lead Harry into a corkscrew fieldstone stair case much like you would expect to find in a castle tower. There were no lights, but a handrail bolted into the side wall all the way down as a guide. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed Harry shivering slightly in the dank atmosphere despite his sweater.
"This is part of the old secret passageway system that used to run though the manor," he explained, "I made good use of them when I was little and my father had the ones he could find destroyed. There are a few small hallways and alcoves still left along with this staircase, but the only real remaining section runs from the wall behind my desk to the fireplace in the dining room." Severus paused a moment before continuing, "I'm sorry about the chill, it's because this is the oldest part of the manor; but there should be some coats at the bottom of the stairs."
~*~*~
Harry wrapped his arm around himself, resisting the urge to snuggle into Severus' side where he knew it would be warm. Looking at Snape from where he had been watching the stairs to make sure he didn't fall and end up with even more injuries, he waved off his apology, "it's okay. It's not you're fault that I get cold easily." Shivering all the while, he tightened his half hug, but it still wasn't doing much good.
They finally reached the bottom of the stairs, where a large arched door obviously led to the garden. A tall rack held several coats, all of them various sizes and only ranging from black to gray, although one of them stood out with it's startling pure white colour. Severus grabbed the smallest one for him (the white one he had spotted earlier). Maybe he had worn it as a child, and he'd just upgraded until the largest coat hung there? The older man helped him into the coat, which, while it was small, still hung to his knees and his hands were half way inside the sleeves. Harry wrapped his arm around himself, at least it was warm.
~*~*~
An amused smile played over Severus' features as he turned to get his own black coat. Once he had it over his shoulders, Severus turned and opened the medieval style arch door to reveal a stone path with a white and red rose vine bushes forming over the arch. The closed in archway lasted for about fifty meters before opening up into a small lot that didn't look like the traditional garden at all. Instead it looked like an organized forest of maple, oak, birch, and willow trees with white and red rose bushes interspersed throughout, various archways made completely of vines of various flowers, wild flowers here and there, and a stone walkway all throughout lined with what would in spring be black daisies. Severus led Harry to a small stone well under a pavilion that was wrapped in wild grapevines.
"It's not much now except for the roses, but when spring comes there will be wildflowers all over the place and rich white lilac bushes in bloom." Leaning against the well, Severus closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, smiling slightly at the hint of roses on the crisp fall air.
"Oh," he said, suddenly remembering, "down the path a little bit further is the greenhouse, but it's nothing but herbs in there, no flowers."
~*~*~
Harry gaped. It was so beautiful! He wished he could stay out here forever! This would be the perfect place to read, very tranquil and mellow. He couldn't wait for spring if it really did look like Severus said. Though.. would he still be here?
Harry shook his head, not allowing himself to indulge in those kinds of thoughts. He looked over at Severus, eyes still closed while his nostrils flared slightly as he smelled the roses in the air. Harry smiled and pulled the coat closer to him. It was still cold out, chilly to anyone else's standards ('I can't wait till winter,' he thought sarcastically, 'it's probably going to be really, really cold to me'), and Harry kind of wanted to go inside now. But he didn't want to disturb the older man. He looked really relaxed with the way he was leaning against the gray stone well; calm and mellow looking.
~*~*~
Opening his eyes and pulling his coat tighter around himself, Severus glanced at Harry. He was obviously freezing, but he wasn't saying a word. He needed to stop being so polite and start voicing what was bothering him; but that would come with time. Frowning slightly at his shivering, Severus said, "we should probably go back inside now; I wouldn't want you catching a cold your first day out of bed. How do you feel by they way? Anything bothering you?" Severus lead the way back down the path and into the tower as he spoke.
~*~*~
Harry sighed in relief as he followed Severus. He was glad they hadn't spent any more time out there, he probably would have turned blue. Quickening his steps so he matched Snape's fast pace, Harry looked up at the man's profile. "Beside being really cold, I don't feel that bad. I do feel kind of tired though. I don't want to take a nap now or I'll end up staying up tonight." It wasn't like he actually *wanted* to go to sleep, but the nightmares would be inevitable. Sometimes he got lucky and he didn't have any, like those two times he slept in Severus' presence, but other than those times, he usually ended up waking in the middle of the night.
Snape pulled open the large doors and lead Harry inside the chilly room. Harry stood on tip toe to put his coat back on the rack, somewhat embarrassed when Severus stood over him to put his own coat higher up the rack. The man's warm presence at his back made him somewhat nervous, but also caused a weird twisting sensation in his stomach. Maybe he was hungry after all.
Severus backed up and Harry followed him up the long flight of stairs. Trying to control the blush that had crept into his face for some reason. He could just blame it on the cold if Severus asked. Though he personally didn't really know why he would be blushing, even if he did happen to do it a lot. Usually it was caused by *something.* Harry sighed, and continued to climb the large steps. 'I really hate being this short, it's a bitch to get up steps that are spaced far apart,' he thought, all the while huffing and puffing quietly.
~*~*~
"That's good. The library's the last stop, like I said before, so you'll have a chance to rest there. I've asked Dobby to set up lunch for us in front of the fireplace there," Severus said, as they climbed the stairs; a small smile creeping onto his lips. He knew they both loved books and he was really looking forward to Harry's reaction to the library; another bookworm being so rare these days and all.
Once they were back in the hallways again, Severus made an effort to slow his pace, mindful of not wanting to wear Harry out; the last thing he needed was a relapse. He quietly led him up to the third floor hallway in the east wing. About halfway down the hall there were two very large red oak doors intricately carved with various scenes from classic novels and other such stories. Grinning over his shoulder at Harry for a moment, Severus pushed the doors back and stepped aside so Harry could see.
The library was indeed three stories tall and so wide it must have taken up almost half the wing. It was crammed with rows and rows of books with shelves so high they had sliding ladders hooked onto them in case you wanted a book on one of the top shelves. The walls themselves were bookshelves, top to bottom with the same sliding ladders at various intervals. If one could get past the massive array of books, one might also notice the plush hunter green carpeting with vines running in a diamond pattern all over it and the ceiling where a massive collage was painted that was obviously based on some fantasy slash novel. You could guess bits of the story it portrayed and just nearly piece it together. All the collage images faded into each other, and at the very center was a brown haired gray eyed swordsman and a blond blue eyed archer back to back, both ready for adventure.
Far on the right hand wall, though not visible over the bookshelves, was a good sized fireplace, a coffee table and two chairs with their lunch ready and waiting just as Severus had asked.
~*~*~
Harry frowned in confusion when Severus grinned back at him. It was obvious he was anxious and excited to show off his collection. Harry smiled and picked up his pace so he was right behind Snape when he pulled open the door.
Stepping inside, his head still tilted towards the ground, the older man quickly following him and coming to his side (Harry suspected it was because he wanted to see his expression), Harry looked up and gasped.
He had never seen so many books in his life! Jaw slack, he walked in further, swinging his head around to look at the huge room. Surely this wasn't real? How could Severus get all these books?
Harry smiled brightly, his eyes still wide in surprise he walked up to one of the many, many, bookshelves and pulled out a random novel. Skimming the back, he smiled wider when he found that it was exactly the type of book he'd always wanted to read, but had never been able to get his hands on. The slash books in the library obviously took up at least half of the material here, if not more, since Severus himself said he loved to read those types of books.
Harry put the novel back and continued to look around. When he looked up to see how high the selves really were, he gasped at the collage on the ceiling. He'd never seen a painting on a ceiling before. Standing in the center of the library, Harry stood there; his head tilted back, raven locks sweeping to brush the top of his shoulder blades, and his eyes wide as he studied the beautiful scene. That must have been from one of the books that Severus had read.
Harry smiled and looked back down, still taking in the vast amounts of books in *one* place. Finally, he broke his gaze away from the beautiful image of thousands of books, and fixed his bright emerald eyes on the older man watching him intently. Striding over to him, he wrapped his arm around his waist, hugging Severus tightly, he looked up at his down turned face. "Thank you!" He exclaimed, smiling.
He had his suspicions that Severus hadn't been allowed to read these kinds of novels all that much when he was younger, so obviously when he grew up, he would hold his books close to his heart. Harry was just glad that Severus had decided to share this wonderful gift with him.
At the present moment: his arms around Snape's waist, smiling up at him, surrounded by thousands, if not millions of books, he had to have been the happiest teenager alive. And it was all thanks to Severus. He would have no more abuse in his life (except for at school, though with how he was being treated now, he would probably be able to take care of himself), all his injuries would heal perfectly, he would have no more new scars to add to his collection, he would sleep in his own bed every night, he would never be starved, he had a new friend, and he had thousands of books lined up for him to read. Who wouldn't be happy after having their one hope and dream finally come true? Yes, Harry was definitely the happiest teenager alive.
~*~*~
Severus smiled as he watched Harry take in the library; utterly gob-smacked. After years of all but hoarding his collection, a nervous habit he'd begun in childhood, it was really nice to be able to show his collection to someone with similar interests. It made it more special that he could share it with someone. He was a little surprised when Harry turned around and hugged him, but he returned it gently, grinning at the teens kid-in-a-candy-store expression. "You're welcome," he said quietly into Harry's ear as they embraced. It was ironic how he'd set out to help Harry and Harry had given him companionship he hadn't even realized he'd missed.
"Feel free to take any number of books you want at any time." After a few more moments in the embrace, Severus pulled back slightly to smile down at Harry. "I'm sure you want to explore, but I think you'd better eat something first," Severus said, fighting not to chuckle when he heard Harry's stomach growl.
~*~*~
Harry shivered at the quiet voice breathed over his ear as they embraced. He smiled and looked up when Severus pulled back slightly.
Of course he wanted to explore! His own stomach interrupting that train of thought, Harry grinned and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.
Severus gave a small smile down at him and gently guided him along to the far right hand wall where their lunch was set up, his hand gently pressed against the small of Harry's back until the raven haired teen sat down on the large, comfy black chair. Harry sighed, a smile on his lips, as he wiggled into a more comfortable position, socked feet placed up near his butt as he leaned on the sofa arm, left arm placed on the arm rest. He sighed when he felt his lids drop. Stifling a yawn, he was surprised at how tired he was. But he would probably sleep better if he actually had lunch.
~*~*~
Severus picked up one bowl of stir fry and chopsticks and as he was handing them to Harry he noticed his tired, but happy, expression. "You might want to take a nap after lunch Harry. Like I said, it's not good to overdo things." Severus commented as he picked up his own bowl and chopsticks and settled into the chair across from Harry, folding one leg under him and manipulating the chopsticks with practiced expertise.
Looking up at Harry he saw him struggling a little with the chopstick and felt another smile play over his lips. It felt so good to see him happy. As Severus had originally guessed, it suited him much more than all the sadness and pain that had first marred his features. When he was happy, like now, he glowed with energy. Placing his bowl down on the coffee table Severus tipped his head to one side and asked, "Would you like some help with that, Harry?"
~*~*~
Harry chuckled and nodded. He'd never been allowed to eat with a fork or any other utensil, but it was pretty easy to spear things with a fork, or to figure out the logics of the other utensils. Now chopsticks.. well, that was a bit different, considering you had to try to pick something up with two sticks…
~*~*~
Smiling, Severus walked up and crouched beside Harry's chair, positioning his hand over the one Harry was using to hold the chopsticks. "It takes a little while to learn how to control them right. It's best to just start by stabbing stuff that's big enough to stab and using them as a shovel; the rest comes on it's own," Severus explained, rearranging Harry's hand so that he gripped the chopsticks properly. "There, now just try to get them under the rice a little," Severus said moving Harry's hand so that he was able to scoop up some stir fry. "Then you just hold the stick steady until they're in your mouth," Severus finished guiding the small mouthful of food to Harry's lips. Once Harry had eaten that mouthful Severus let his hand fall to rest lightly on Harry's upper arm. "Does that help?"
~*~*~
Harry felt his cheeks heat up when Severus placed his hand on Harry's to show him the proper way to hold the chopsticks. The larger hand was incredibly warm compared to Harry's own. His was so cold that the veins stood out in stark contrast to the pale skin, and it definitely had a blue tinge.
His blush deepened when Severus helped him guide the mouthful into his mouth. Why was he reacting like this? Maybe the other man's heat was too much, and it ended up making Harry hot? The older man rested a hand on his bicep, and Harry smiled slightly. "I think I'd rather be using a fork." He chuckled nervously. He didn't want to make a fool of himself by not being able to do it properly after Snape had just showed him. He also didn't want it to fall to the plate while he was bringing it to his lips, that would look real mature.
Harry sighed. God.. he really had to stop thinking like that. It wasn't his fault that he was so new to everything Severus had showed him today. Maybe he was just on overload or something; too much in one day, or over the course of a week actually. He'd never had someone to care about him, so that was the first of firsts. And the rest just kept piling up. At least it wasn't *unpleasant* firsts. Although he couldn't imagine anything more unpleasant then everything the Dursley's had put him through. Of course, he could have ended up being molested by Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia, hell, even Dudley could have done it, but luckily, that had never happened to him. It was bad enough he had to go through all those beatings.
Harry shook his head slightly. No.. stop thinking about it. He was safe now, protected. And he would never be hurt again, physically anyway. The raven haired teen sighed. He really wished he could just shut off his brain sometimes. His worst enemy would always be himself, no matter who came along.
~*~*~
Noticing Harry's discomfort, Severus patted his arm lightly in understanding and retrieved a fork from the coffee table. "Don't be too embarrassed; it took me a while of fumbling around to get this right. If you every feel the impulse to learn, I could teach you." Scanning Harry's face one last time as he handed him the fork, Severus noted something deeper than simple embarrassment riding just below the surface, but decided not to push it. If he wanted to share his problems, Severus was all ears and he knew it.
Sliding around the coffee table again, Severus took his bowl and nestled back in his chair with one leg folded under him, eating with a relish. Worrying, something he'd been doing almost nonstop this past week, had depleted his appetite and now that things had settled down at last it had finally returned. Pausing to sip his tea, he noted he really appreciated a little peace after those tense days of stress. Setting his tea cup down and turning to Harry, he tilted his head to one side and asked, "so what other things do you like to read besides poetry?"
~*~*~
Harry accepted the fork gratefully, glad that he didn't have to try wrestling with the chopsticks. He didn't think he'd be trying to use them any time soon. Not until he was used to the routine of this place and he didn't feel so overwhelmed.
Harry frowned and tilted his head to the side, thinking. He loved to read novels, specifically slash, and he knew his professor did too. But he wasn't sure if he should just bring that up.. Harry sighed and decided to speak the truth, what harm could it do? "I like reading slash novels, well written romance books, be it het or homosexual. And supernatural books are pretty neat too. I like reading about vampires, angels, that sort of thing. I forget the title now, but I read a really good story about an elf and a man that got together even though their races were completely different and hated each other. The last book I read, besides the one you gave me, was some badly written romance smut that I got from my aunt Petunia." Well, stole from the trash, but it was the same thing. He had just wanted something to read, it didn't matter that it was poorly written. He needed something to escape to, besides his writing. His writing would have just depressed him further.
"What about you? You seem to read a lot." He smiled and motioned towards the books. Now that he was staying here, he hoped to read all the books in the library. To share them with someone would be really nice. Severus seemed like he would have an excellent memory, he would probably be able to remember the very first book he read and who it was written by. Harry wished he could do that, but he was only good at remembering the picture on the cover and then after seeing it he would be able to recall vaguely what the novel was about.
Harry finished the last of his meal and put it back on the table. Leaning back into the chair, he snuggled into the warm mound, watching Severus for his answer.
~*~*~
Severus nodded as the young teen spoke, listening intently, and a small smile formed over his lips. It was nice to see they had very similar interests in reading, though from what Severus knew of Harry he hardly doubted it would turn out any other way. It was good to know they could attack the library together during their time here; however long that turned out to be. "Hmm Yes. Romance smut novels do have their place, though not always for the most intellectual purposes," Severus mused aloud. As he was taking another sip of his tea, some of the cream colored liquid spilled over the rim and down his chin. His tongue darted out to catch what he could and a quickly retrieved napkin took care of the rest of the evidence of the small slip. "Sorry," Severus said wiping his jaw lightly; a reaction of years of training in manners.
Chuckling about Harry's comments on his reading habits, Severus looked around his library and murmured, "Oh just a little." Grinning at Harry he continued, "I like the same things you do really. I mostly just read slash now because they can come in many varieties like comedies, tragedies, and dramas." Pausing, Severus pointed up at the ceiling mural, "that is from the first slash series I ever read by Lynn Flewelling. It was called the "Nightrunner" series with three books: Luck In The Shadows, Stalking Darkness, and Traitors Moon. It's a fantasy series mainly, but the slash is excellent as well." Looking back at Harry he asked, "Do you have a favorite book?"
~*~*~
Harry fought down the giggle when the cream (he didn't want to think about what it resembled..) trickled down Severus' chin and the quick grab for the napkin. Good manners, indeed. Harry grinned. Who'd have thought that the great and meticulous professor Snape would ever spill something?
He had been right too. Severus did remember the very first book he read, even the author. It would definitely be neat to talk to him about all the books he was going to read in the library.
"I don't really read enough to have a favorite." He looked down, closing his mouth before he could continue with, 'I'm not allowed to.' "But I really liked the book you lent me, so that has to be my favorite so far." Harry grinned. It was a lot better than reading those trashy cliché romance things that Petunia called a novel. "I also don't remember book titles or authors of the books that I do read, but I do remember the picture on the cover. So when I see it I'll be able to remember vague things about the novel. My selective memory doesn't really help me when it comes to school though." Harry grinned sheepishly. 'Though it lets me remember thing that I don't want to remember.' Harry thought to himself, frowning as he looked down at his lap.
~*~*~
Severus saw Harry‘s mood brighten and then dampen, and frowned slightly to himself. It was never good to dwell on bad memories; all that ever did was drive one crazy. Severus would know. Talking sometimes helped you get to the point where; if the memory reared it‘s ugly head, you could acknowledge it and let it go. Whatever horrible things that had happened to the dark haired teen, Severus hoped he would be able to put them behind him while Harry was under his roof.
“Hmm.. I don’t think you need to worry about that. It’s a problem I face as well. I might have an excellent long term memory, but I have a very bad short term memory. Besides, you can’t be so bad, or you never would’ve made it to twelfth grade. Not to mention you do have a talent for poetry. Do you plan on trying to get published some day?”
~*~*~
Harry had never thought of that. A bad short term memory would mean that Severus would have done bad at tests, unless he knew and completely understood the work. Just goes to show that Snape was human too and had other flaws besides his scar.
Harry looked up at the compliment, blushing. His eyes widened at the question. Him, published? He was good (even his low self-esteem had to admit that), but he wasn't *that* good. Not good enough to get published anyway. Harry frowned and tilted his head down to the right slightly. He'd thought about it occasionally, but poetry was more of a release for him than anything else. Harry sighed and looked back up to meet Severus' intense gaze. A weird fluttering in his stomach made him pause momentarily in confusion.
Shaking his head, he answered honestly, "I've thought about it occasionally, but poetry is more of a.. release, I guess you would say." Frowning, he continued, "I know I'm a bit above average, but I don't think I'm good enough to get published. Besides, I would need to write a lot more poems before I could fill up a book." Harry sighed. "Do you write poetry at all?" He wanted to take the subject off of him. Though he was interested if Severus wrote poetry. He'd love to read some if the older man would be willing to share.
~*~*~
Severus nodded occasionally as Harry spoke; listening intently. “I don’t know about that. The more you write the more you improve. I think you could be published if you wanted to.” Pausing to lift one eyebrow towards his hairline, a smirk tugged at the edge of Severus’ lips and he continued, “oh, I don’t know. That notebook of yours seemed pretty full.” Seeing distress cross over Harry’s features. Severus held up his hand and spoke before the teen could. “I didn’t read it. It fell when Neville handed it to me, and as I picked it up I saw writing crammed on the back inside cover.”
Harry relaxed a little after that, but was still kind of tense so Severus decided to take the change of subject. “Yes I’ve been writing almost as long as you have. Poetry at first and then short stories. I still write poetry, but only to vent emotions every so often. Most of the time I work on a novel I’m writing,” he said calmly, sitting back in his chair, regarding Harry with a small smile.
~*~*~
He knew Severus would never read his journal. But.. not all of it was poetry, it was kind of half in half between journal entries plainly discussing his feelings over a particular subject, and then there were a few pages where he would just break off into poem. But it was so crammed because he wasn't able to get another book. It wasn't like he had any money at all. And like he had already previously thought, he couldn't just go stealing a notebook from Severus' class when students weren't allowed to have a notebook except for class work. The school kept stock of their books, so it would be on Snape's shoulders if one were to go missing. Harry couldn't do that to the man. He'd just have to keep finding scraps of paper, or finding small margins that he still hadn't filled in.
But he had been worried that Snape might have glanced at the open journal, due to curiosity sake. It was kind of hard not to glimpse *some* words when they were lying right in front of you.
Harry sighed and sifted in the chair so that he was snuggled into a corner, with his long legs dangling off the opposite arm. He looked over at Snape, frowning in curiosity. "If you don't mind me asking, what are you writing about?"
~*~*~
"Well with my poetry, it's mostly just emotion and sometimes they're put in the form of stories. My novel, on the other hand, is a fantasy epic about a war between two countries. To make a long story short the 'evil' country is strict to their religion and makes everyone's life miserable. This religion also forbids gays.
"It starts with a well educated young man, Damion, who's just lost everything he had because he's been found out. Not only that, but the man he thought he loved has told him he never loved him and that he was deceived by forces of evil. It's basically about his journey to the 'good' country and helping them battle the 'bad' country with special forms of magic.
"That and Damion ending up together with his lover, Alastar, at some point through the book; he eventually sees the light and comes back to him," Severus explained, occasional making gestures with his hands to emphasize his point. He paused briefly before adding with a small smile, "Oh and there's this little subplot about vampires who help the 'good' country. I'm almost done really; I just need to figure out how Damion can forgive Alastar for leaving him and the rest should come easily."
~*~*~
Harry frowned thoughtfully. So he didn't just *read* gay novels, he also *wrote* them. Maybe he was gay? Or at least bi? Harry sighed. Then again, he could just be a very open minded straight person that just enjoyed reading and writing about gays.
"It sounds really interesting." Harry paused for a minute, thinking, before continuing on, "It depends on what Damion is like. If he's the forgiving type of person, then he'll realize that Alastar really didn't mean to leave him and that he does love him. But if he holds grudges, then Alastar could try to convince him that he loves him and will never hurt him again."
'If it was me,' Harry thought, sighing, 'I would accept him back. Not many people get the chance to have true love, so how stupid would I be if I let that chance go?'
~*~*~
"Thank you." Severus thought about Harry's words for a minute before saying, "Well it gets a little complicated there. You see, in the 'bad' country the nobility rule everything and they have very strict complicated customs that could make or break you. Damion can fake it with the best of them in that setting, but he's always hated it because it was like one big lie after another, and he's had few people he could trust in his life so he really doesn't take to betrayal well. Alastar isn't easy either, because he's a very proud man whose fighting every belief he's ever been taught and he's never been with a man before Damion.
"It's kind of like Pride and Prejudice, if you've ever read it; the both of them are too proud and prejudiced against each other to get to the truth of how they really feel about each other. The ultimate message of their love story is that they will always love each other, even if one or the other really doesn't deserve it."
Severus stopped there, thinking that part of the plot over again for what must have been the millionth time. Glancing down at Harry who also seemed to be mulling it over, a small smile came to his lips. He'd never really been able to talk to anyone about his work before; it was really nice to be able to bounce ideas of off another intelligent being.
~*~*~
Harry mused it over, frowning in concentration, his small pink tongue peeking out just the tiniest bit at the corner of his lips. Finally, he looked over to meet the intense gaze. "Do they have to end up together? Maybe they could just love each other from afar, both having feelings for the other, but ones too hurt to admit it, and the other is too proud. Unless you're going for a happy ending," Harry paused, looking down at the side, "then I don't do those well, and I couldn't be much help to you there."
~*~*~
"Why do you think I'm having so much trouble with that part of the book?" Severus mused, "I'm used to sad endings in my writings myself. But I figured a good ending was long overdue. They're rare, but sometimes, if you work hard enough at it, things do end happily."
With a small sigh, Severus continued, "I suppose something will reveal itself in time." Returning his gaze in Harry's direction he asked, "do you like to do anything else besides reading or writing?"
~*~*~
"It depends on the overall tone of the book. If it's angst and sad all the way through, then it'll be really hard to create a happy ending. But.." He shrugged, deciding not to continue with that line of thought since it was up to Severus whatever he decided to do.
Harry frowned at the question. He didn't really do *anything*. He was never allowed to. He knew he wasn't too good at sports since he was so frail, though he was good at short distance running (one had to be good at running if one's life depended on it..). He liked looking at drawings, but he couldn't draw. Harry sighed, deciding to just say what he had been thinking.
"I don't really know. I haven't done enough things to say that I like anything besides reading and writing." He paused, before adding, "but I've always wanted to watch movies at home.. except, well, I didn't really have one."
Harry frowned and looked down, sadness sweeping through him, making him sniffle before he closed his eyes tightly, determined not to cry over a stupid think like not having a home to watch movies in.. or do anything else besides cleaning.
~*~*~
Rising from his chair on the other side of the coffee table, Severus crossed over to Harry and knelt by his chair. Taking one of the teen's small hands in his, Severus looked up at him with concern and said softly, “you have a home here with me Harry. I know it's a little confusing with me being your teacher, but I'm also your friend. You have a home here for as long as you want, and I'd like to help you in any way I can. Whatever you've been through you don't deserve it; you deserve so much better." Stopping himself before he got too sentimental, Severus gently moved his thumb over Harry's hand, trying to offer him comfort. He hated seeing Harry in pain like this. He was such a smart young man and Severus had meant every word he'd said. He would never abandon Harry; not for anything. Severus was nothing if not loyal.
~*~*~
Harry sniffed and opened his large emerald eyes to stare down at the kneeling man. A single tear slipped his previously closed lids and trailed down his cheek. He let it fall down into his shirt, not being able to wipe it since his only good hand was being held between Severus' two larger ones. He blinked sharply, clearing his blurry vision.
Harry sighed and looked down at their joined hands. The large thumb stroking the back of his hand was surprisingly soothing. Looking back up into the concerned dark eyes, Harry smiled weakly. "Thank you. Thank you for everything.. I know sooner or later I'll probably have to move out," the small raven haired teen looked away from Severus' eyes, thinking; 'because sooner or later you'll grow tired of me and probably kick me out. You might do it nicely, but sooner or later..' Harry sighed and continued, "but thank you for giving me a home and for.. caring... when no one else would. Thanks." He whispered the last word, the quiet and very real sentiment, almost not making it past his parted lips before he gave a small smile at Severus.
~*~*~
Reaching up, Severus wiped away the tear track left on Harry's cheek, returning the small smile on Harry's face. 'Stubborn,' Severus thought to himself, 'he still doubts himself, I know it. No matter. I'll be there for him, and eventually he'll realize that I'm not going away.' "You're welcome," Severus said, softly squeezing Harry's hand. "And I meant what I said. You have a home here for as long as you want."
They both looked at each other in silence for a few minutes until a soft scuffling came from around the corner. A few moments after that, Remus and Padfoot stumbled around the corner, leaning against each other; their fur decidedly ruffled. Breaking eye contact with Harry to take in the two dogs, Severus snorted and shook his head at their appearance. "You two are absolutely shameless. Do you know that?" Padfoot simply looked arrogantly at Severus with another of his "And I should care why?" Looks, and if Remus wanted to hit him for it, he was too tired at the moment.
~*~*~
Following Severus' gaze, Harry gave a small giggle at the two dogs. "I guess even dogs get tired afterwards." The teen blushed when he realized what he had let slip.
The older man slowly stood up, a small smile on his face at the younger man's comment. Harry chuckled and followed the other's example. He stood up and wobbled a bit, feeling a bit dizzy from getting up to fast. Severus placed a hand on his shoulder, gripping tightly until Harry regained his balance. Smiling in thanks, he looked down at the two sated dogs. Bending slightly, Severus' hand still on his shoulder lightly, he patted the two dogs on the head before standing up straight.
Turning to look at Snape, he tilted his head slightly to the side in question. He wondered what they would do now.
~*~*~
After sending one last glare at Padfoot for good measure, Severus looked down at Harry and regarded him for a moment. "How are you feeling? None of your injuries are bothering you too much are they? If you're tired I think you should take a nap; you've been doing a lot today for someone who's supposed to be in bed."
~*~*~
He was feeling tired.. and he was starting to get another headache, but he didn't really want to go to sleep. Sleeping meant the possibilities of nightmares. Sure, sometimes they wouldn't come.. but.. Harry sighed. There was always the huge chance that they would come, but Harry couldn't resist sleep forever. At least he never really woke up screaming, he just woke up to a wet pillow and tears streaming down his face as he tried to catch his breath while he sobbed. Wasn't that bad really, Harry thought sarcastically.
"I guess I am a little tired," Harry said regretfully, looking down. God.. he really didn't want to go to sleep. It was worse if he took a nap, since the others in the house would be awake, and might be able to hear him if he sobbed to loudly while they passed by his room. But he had to sleep sometime. Can't be putting it off forever. Though he really wished he could...
~*~*~
Placing his index finger under his chin, Severus lifted Harry's face so that he would look him in the eyes. "Harry, is there something wrong?" He asked softly, concern showing plainly on his face. "You know you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you." It wasn't good to keep things bottled in, Severus knew that first hand, but he wasn't going to push anymore than that. Sometimes it's better to talk, and sometimes it's just better to enjoy good company and feel safe. He just wanted to help Harry any way he could.
~*~*~
Harry blinked hard, god, he really had to stop crying. Severus probably thought he was some snot nosed kid that cried at the drop of a hat. He sighed and looked up into the older man's dark eyes, trying to decide if he should tell the truth. What could go wrong? Maybe if he told Severus, then he would just ignore him when he did start sobbing, because he knew he was just dreaming. Or maybe he'd think Harry was immature and a child.
Harry sighed and looked down towards his right, not looking Severus' in the eye. He didn't want to see Severus' disgust at knowing how childish he really was. "I.. I have nightmares a lot of the time. Makes it hard to sleep." He lifted his good shoulder in a half ass shrug, trying to look nonchalant. "I'll be fine though. I don't always get them, so I'll be fine." Yeah, I'll be fine. Harry sighed softly, continuing to blink hard. He would *not* cry *again*!
~*~*~
'He's got so many demons,' thought Severus, studying Harry as he mentally sank in against himself. 'Not so different from you, eh?' came that cynical self loathing voice in his head, but he shook it off. Severus slipped an arm around Harry's shoulders and pulled him in for a gentle hug. He decided being alone was not the best thing for Harry right now, nor would it be for a while. He needed the reassurance that he was safe and wanted here, and definitely not worthless.
"I have trouble sleeping myself sometimes," he confided not for any other reason then he felt comfortable sharing it with the young man. "Old demons die hard, but you don't have to fight them alone."
He pulled back after a few minutes in the silent embrace and studied Harry's still slightly sad face. "If you think you're up to it, I would very much enjoy your company for the afternoon. You said you liked watching movies, right?" At Harry's slow nod, Severus continued, "Well I have a fair collection in my sitting room if you'd like to join me. I think we both need a little rest from exploring the manor; it's a bit of a hike all around here."
~*~*~
Harry grinned weakly, and tried not to sigh in relief when he found out he wouldn't be going to sleep just yet. It was also nice to know that he shared something else with Severus, even if it was a depressing thing like demons and trouble sleeping. It was still *something* he could share with someone else. Besides, he never seemed to become as depressed when he was around Severus. Maybe it was just because the older man didn't let him fall into those kinds of thoughts. Or maybe it was because Severus put a stop to them before they could really start, just his presence seemed to help..
Harry sighed and shivered. He was still feeling cold, even with the heat of the manor around him. Slipping an arm tentatively around Severus' waist, he tried to feed off the heat that radiated from the taller man's very being. "Sure… I would like that. I didn't really say that I liked watching movies.. I've just never seen one before.." Harry's voice went quiet, before he just decided not to elaborate further on the reasons as to *why* he wasn't allowed to watch movies.
~*~*~
Severus nodded, slipping his arm around Harry's shoulders. "Then this can be your first time. There's quite a few movies, so you can pick out whatever you want." Gently, he lead Harry out of the library, leaving the two sated dogs to lounge together in front of the fire and god knows what else, and went up the stairs into the west wing. Severus kept Harry as close as he could while they walked, having noticed his earlier shivers. Most of their walk to Severus' room was silent. Not the strained kind of silence, but the silence of two people who don't need to fill the air with empty words.
Once they reached Severus' room Severus opened the door and steered Harry inside, closing it behind them. The right hand wall was another built in bookshelf, much like the library, and in font of it was a large oak desk, something Severus obviously used for paperwork and grading papers. The rest of the walls were painted to look like the daytime sky with a few clouds here and there, and were adorned with paintings of various country scenes and moonscapes.
On the far wall there were two large red oak doors that led to Severus' bedroom and one ordinary bookshelf pushed into the left-hand corner that contained all the videos; the rest of the left hand wall was taken up by a medieval style window, an old willow trunk, and a mural of a golden dragon guarding a treasure heap interspersed with the books. There was little else in the room except a fireplace in the center of the front wall that had the television, DVD player, and a few extra books on top of it, a rich oak coffee table, and a plush tan colored sofa that was a little big even for Severus.
Leading Harry calmly over too the bookshelf full of DVD's, Severus glanced over at Harry and asked, "what would you like to watch?"
~*~*~
Harry glanced around the room, giving a small smile at how simple it looked, yet how elegant it was all put together. It definitely fit the man. Harry was curious as to what Severus' bedroom looked like. It was probably neutral colours and dark mixed together. Harry shook his head and looked up at Severus before looking over the huge collection, his eyes wide in surprise. "You sure have a lot of movies.." Harry frowned, looking for one that stood out.
Finally finding one, he pointed it out to Snape, who grabbed it for him, since his good arm was still around the older man's waist and he was still cold, so he wasn't very tempted to let go. He hoped he wasn't making the other man uncomfortable.. but he would have moved his arm from around Harry's shoulders if he was, right?
Severus guided Harry to the sofa, where he sat in the middle of the large coach, it was so large, or he was so small, that it made him look even smaller then he was. Snape turned on the TV and pushed in the DVD, Allan Stein, and moved back towards the sofa. He paused to light the fire in the medium sized fireplace, and sat at the corner of the couch, his back against the sofa arm facing Harry. Severus looked over at him. He raised a predictable eyebrow towards his hairline at seeing the younger man shivering, and he curled a finger for him to come closer. A faint blush marred Harry's cheeks, but he complied, so desperate to seek comfort and warmth.
They shifted until they were comfortable, Harry resting his head on Severus' right shoulder, his back against the sofa and lying in between the man's long legs, Snape's arm lightly curled around his waist to hold him in place (probably to stop him from… rubbing against anything. Harry stifled the giggle that thought caused). Both watched the movie intently, not talking to each other, but just sharing Harry's first experience at actually watching a movie at home..
Eventually, the young man's eyes began to grow heavier, and even though the movie was just coming to an end, Harry fell asleep against Severus' shoulder, his good hand lightly curled under his chin as he slept peacefully, for once with out any dreams.
CHAPTER 8: NEW EXPERIENCES
Severus stood up from the large sofa and stretched, the early morning light making him look almost like a ghost occupying his own sitting room. He looked around the room and a small smile crossed his lips. It was a little hard to believe Harry had been there for nine days already. His injuries had been healing remarkably well, and for whatever nightmares he did have, Severus had been there for him. Everything seemed to be going perfectly, even if he was sure Padfoot would never let him live down the fact that earlier that morning they'd stumbled out of Severus' rooms to get breakfast, both having fallen asleep on Severus' sofa while watching the movie. Severus had planned to carry Harry to bed, but he'd looked so peaceful where he was, that he'd never gotten around to it and ended up falling asleep as well.
Today was the last day of Harry's recovery, and also the day they'd set aside to go on a major shopping trip to get him everything he needed. Severus had put it off simply because it would be tiring for a healthy person, much less one with a bad arm and a concussion. Harry's concussion was gone now and his arm was only slightly tender-thanks to Severus' ointments and the support of the sling.
He'd had Harry's clothing washed and left them for him on the beside table the night before, informing Harry that they would be leaving early because of the sheer amount of things they had to get. Pushing a few strands of hair still damp from his shower behind his ear, Severus exited his room and crossed the hall to Harry's door. He knocked softly, keeping his voice down in case Harry hadn't woken yet, and murmured, "Harry? Are you awake yet?"
~*~*~
Darkness, loneliness, trapped. He was trapped.. nowhere to go. Can't go out the door, locked, bolted tight. Yelling outside, screams aimed at him. Freak, ugly, burden. Names, hurt feelings.
Harry curled into himself on the small cot, whimpering when his bruised and battered body made contact with the scratchy material. The large man, face shrouded in more darkness and shadows, unlocked and opened his door, pulling the trembling boy out by the scruff of his shirt. Large tears trailed down the boy's young cheeks. So young, yet no longer innocent or naive.
Large hands, smacking, punching, yanking. Long strands of ebony locks pulled out of his skull. Weeping, screaming, and cursing filled the otherwise silent room. Tall skinny lady curses man to stop, screams at him that he will kill the boy. Harry weeps, no one hears. Harry aches, no one cares. Shoved back into the cupboard to await more punishments. He doesn't know what he did wrong. No, wait, he does. He cried because of the cleaning stuff he was using to clean the bathroom made his eyes water and his throat sting. He got smacked, hit. He apologized, nothing helped. Got shoved into the cupboard, locked up ever since. No food, no water. Two days straight, only being let out to be beat. Harry doesn't know what to do to ease the pain he feels. The five year old boy just wants to die.
~*~*~
Severus heard no response from Harry so he opened the door slightly and was immediately met with the sight of the small teen in a cold sweat thrashing about in his bed. Severus quickly crossed the room and grasped Harry by the shoulders and shook him gently. "Harry! Harry wake up, you're having a nightmare."
The young teen woke with a start, breathing hard , with panic painting his features. "It's ok Harry," Severus said quietly, grasping him by the shoulders, "it's over now. I'm here." As Harry's bearings began to come back to him, he slowly dissolved into quiet sobs and let Severus gather him into his arms, gently stroking his back and murmuring comforting words such as, "it's okay," and "it's over now," and, "I'm here; no one is going to hurt you while I'm here." It was just most proof that as quickly as his physical wounds might heal, his mental wounds might last a lifetime. Cradling Harry's slim frame in his arms, Severus continued to comfort him as his sobs began to ebb.
~*~*~
Harry wrapped his arms around the familiar chest, not wanting to let go anytime soon as his tears continued to seep out of his closed lids. He was still hesitant in crying in front of Severus, but at the moment he didn't really care. His pride could be put on the back burner for a few minutes until he was comforted.
Snape's words didn't really register to him all that much, but the low baritone voice that made the man's broad chest rumble while his cheek was pressed to it, made him more calm than real words could ever accomplish. Although the last phrase that he managed to hear, 'no one else is going to hurt you while I'm here.' Almost had Harry start weeping again. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. Something he'd rarely done except for when he'd laughed too hard with Severus over the past two weeks.
Harry sighed and nuzzled into the warmth radiating off the man like it always did. Even with all the food he'd been eating these past two weeks, he was still cold. He'd at least filled out some, so he wasn't as bony, but he didn't think he would ever be pudgy, or fat like his cousin. His skin was paler since he didn't spend everyday outside working, but he was definitely healthier looking. He wasn't sickly pale, or anything like that. His hair was thicker and shinier, thanks to the shampoo that Severus' let him use. He shivered when he recalled the dream/flashback. His hair had always been thinner then most kids because of the constant pulling when he was younger. As he had grown older, Vernon had only used his hair to drag him around the house, but he didn't rip it out. He was still short, as he probably always would be. And his teeth were nicely white, and surprisingly straight, considering the abuse they'd taken when he was younger and in elementary school.
So, over all, he was physically healthy, besides being too short for a boy his age. But mentally.. well, he still doubted himself and sometimes he found himself still wondering why Severus would want to help him. Although his trust in the older man had grown, he still sometimes felt like he should pay him back for his kindness. His earlier plans of helping him in his herb garden when it was warmer outside and his arm wasn't as tender was still in act. Although now it wasn't really about paying the man back, Harry just wanted to help him.
The young man sighed and pulled back from the embrace, not even blushing when he finally realized that he was only in his white cotton briefs and the older man was already fully dressed in his usual black outfit. Severus had already seen him in them anyway, since the man was often coming into his room to wake him up from his nightmares/flashbacks.
Harry sat back against the headboard, bringing his knees up so he rested his head on top of them and wrapped both his arms around his legs. Looking over at Severus, he shook his head slightly. "Just another flashback." Harry frowned and paused, wondering if he should tell him about this one. He'd told the older man about some of his dreams, but sometimes.. it was a little too personal and too heart wrenching to bring up again. He nodded to himself and decided to continue.
"It was the time when I was cleaning the bathroom with ammonia and I was only five. I started to feel weird, my eyes were watering and my throat seemed like it was closing up, making it harder to breath. So, doing the most logical thing at the time, I stepped out of the room so I could go outside and get a breath of fresh air. Uncle Vernon intercepted me and asked what the hell I thought I was doing.
"At the time, I was crying, because my eyes were still watering from the strong smell. Vernon smacked me, told me I was a wuss and sent me back into the bathroom. After cleaning the rest of it, and going over what I had already cleaned, all the while with Vernon watching me, his hand over his nose to keep out the strong smell. When I was finished, he grabbed me and basically kept me locked in the cupboard for two days without food or water, only taking me out to beat me." Harry sighed and sniffed. Using one hand to wipe the residue of tears off of his face, he smiled weakly at the older man. "So, when are we going to get going?"
~*~*~
Severus listened to Harry intently, willing his temper not to rise at the despicable acts committed by his relatives. More bad memories was the last thing Harry needed. He felt honored that Harry was comfortable enough to share these flashbacks with him and would do his best to help Harry through them. Leaning back against the headboard next to Harry, he rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“As soon as you shower, dress and eat breakfast. I believe fresh bagels are on the menu today. After that, it’s off to town. I don’t know if I mentioned this, but we’re a bit away from town; about an hours drive. We’ll need cloths, better school supplies, and a few other things, so it’s going to be a busy day.” Severus paused a moment and gave Harry’s good shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’ll leave you to that now and go get breakfast set up in the dining room.”
Severus stood and slowly made his way to Harry’s door. On the threshold he stopped, looked over his shoulder and said, “Padfoot, I know you’re in here.” Sure enough, a large black head popped out from under Harry’s bed, followed by a slightly smaller blonde one. Severus shook his head ruefully and signaled the dogs to follow him. “Come on you two.” They followed obediently out the door, and Severus followed after them after saying one last thing to Harry, “see you at breakfast.”
~*~*~
Harry grinned, a watered down version of his usual grin, but he was still happier then he had been when he first waken up. Severus really could calm him down.
He got up from the bed while pulling up his briefs from where they had ridden down. He grabbed his freshly washed clothes and left to go to the bathroom, all the while trying not to think of exactly what the dogs were doing while under his bed.
Coming out of the bathroom, hair still damp and freshly combed, he headed downstairs and into the dining room. Pulling open a large cherry red door, he stepped inside. He smiled when he spotted Severus sitting at the table and took his usual seat in front of the older man.
Jessica came out of the kitchen carrying a large platter of freshly baked bagels, along with a mug of coffee, and a small glass of chocolate milk (after the cook had discovered Harry's love for chocolate milk, she'd decided to give it to him at every meal). She set it in between them, smiled at both of them and quickly left. Probably off to read another novel.
Luckily, Harry hadn't woken up at all during the night, so he hadn't needed to make any trips down here himself in the middle of the night. After having a short discussion with Severus about him feeling uncomfortable ordering the staff around (the older man had found out when he'd spotted Harry carrying his own dishes back down to the kitchen), Severus had told him not to worry, since they were getting paid highly for their jobs, and if they felt like they were being overworked, they would have said so a long time ago. Snape was by no means mean to his staff, so long as they got the job done, he was happy. Harry was still a bit nervous with ordering them around, since he'd always been on the receiving end. But after going over it with Severus, he'd discovered that it wasn't exactly the same thing. These were adults that had chosen their profession. Either because of the need for money, or like in Jessica's case, they were good acquaintances with the present owner of the manor, Snape.
They ate comfortably, now and again starting up a small conversation about the books they were currently reading, but otherwise they stayed in companionable silence.
Finished, Harry used a napkin to clean his fingers and mouth, set the soiled napkin to the side of his plate and waited for Severus to finish, all the while sipping quietly on his chocolate milk. Ever since living at the Snape's manor, he'd discovered that he had quite a sweet tooth, one that had never been satisfied at his relative's house. So he often had small snacks in between meals, nothing that would spoil his appetite of course, since Severus had told him that he wanted Harry to eat well and get back his strength. But Snape himself also indulged in the chocolate cravings that the younger man sometimes had. So they would often be seen sitting in Severus' sitting room, eating chocolate and watching a movie, or just talking quietly to each other.
Harry took another sip of the sweet liquid and gave a small smile. These past two weeks had definitely been the best days of his life, and he loved living at the manor; his and Severus' home. But.. he really wasn't looking forward to going back to school. He still wasn't all that sure of how they would greet him. He knew the students and some of the teachers were against homosexuals.. so he could only imagine how they would react to him.
Harry sighed and shook his head slightly. It was no good to start worrying now. He would be going back tomorrow, along with Severus. He was going to miss talking to the older man freely, without restraint as to status. He was still a bit unsure of himself when it came to talking to him completely free, since there was such an age gap between them, that Harry was sure that Severus sometimes thought of him as immature even though he was more mature than most kids his age.
Harry sighed again. 'I guess it's back to being alone again tomorrow,' he thought, frowning slightly.
~*~*~
Severus set his coffee down and looked across the table at Harry, noticed he was again unhappily deep in thought. "Something wrong Harry?" He asked, tipping his head slightly to one side as he often did when asking question; except in the classroom of course. He'd have to get used to calling Harry Mr. Potter again. He'd gotten used to spending leisure time at home reading, or talking to Harry. As much as he'd loved reading he'd never really liked to spend too much time at home because it was so empty; another motivation for him to take up teaching like he had.
These past two weeks had been such a sharp contrast to his past experiences, however. He was just starting to think an intelligent being would never walk into his classroom again; Harry had proven him wrong. It was so refreshing to be able to talk to him. He was neither immature nor criminal as so many children his age were. Severus had actually caught himself thinking Harry was only a decade or so beneath him instead of nearly two, from time to time. Provided he had a small frame, but he was not so much shorter than Severus, and his eyes seemed far older then they should have; Severus wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 'His eyes are very beautiful though,' Severus mused to himself before giving himself a mental shake and bringing his attention and concern back to the conversation at hand.
~*~*~
Harry sighed. Either he was really transparent, or Severus was really good at reading him. Harry was guessing it was more the former then the latter. The only times he wasn't transparent was when he was purposefully guarding himself and his emotions.
The young man looked up, meeting the other's eyes, and shrugged lightly. "Just thinking about school," ... and people's reactions.
~*~*~
Severus nodded and remained silent for a moment, studying Harry. "You shouldn't give them too much thought; they're not worth it. Years from now you could be doing just about anything and I can guarantee you, from what I've seen of their intelligence, except of course Mrs. Granger, very few of them will be qualified to do anything more than pump gas for a living," he said at last, resting his hand lightly over Harry's in comfort.
The drive into town was relatively uneventful with that same comfortable silence interspersed with some quiet conversation. After exactly one hour they rounded a curve into town. From there it wasn't long to the local mall. 'Better get clothing first,' Severus thought to himself, 'he'll need that most because he gets so cold.' After a few more moments, he pulled into a parking space in front of a local clothing shop, Andrew's, well renowned for the excellent quality of its clothes, even if they were a little pricey; but the upside is that you get every pennies worth.
Stepping out of his car, Severus lead the still slightly shocked Harry into the store. Walking slowly down the aisle with no particular destination in mind, he turned to Harry and asked, "where would you like to start?"
~*~*~
Harry's eyes widened. He'd never actually been in a clothing store, but he was positive that this was definitely more expensive than it needed to be. He knew he was going to get a few articles of clothing, but.. he didn't expect to walk into a store like this! Who would buy a pair of jeans that were thirty dollars? What's the point when you can get a cheaper pair that do the same thing, but for less money?
Harry looked around at all the racks, before looking back to Severus, frowning slightly. "Umm.. isn't this a bit expensive?" He didn't want to be wasting Severus' money, even if he did have a lot, he could be using it for himself, or his manor. Not.. well, not on Harry. "You shouldn't be spending so much money.. I only need one or two items. I can just cycle through them." He'd done it before, hell, he had re-used his clothes until they were so worn that they were thread thin and would tear easily.
~*~*~
'He really should be canonized as the worlds first living saint,' Severus thought to himself. 'Even now he's trying not to be too much trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if he's afraid that I'll drop him like some abused puppy I thought was cute for a while.' It was a hard thing to convince someone they were worth something when all their lives they've been told they weren't, something Severus knew firsthand, but as stubborn as any memory might be, Severus was more so. He'd survived six packs of seventeen year old students five days a week for the last seventeen years; he could wait out anything.
"Well, it's a bit more than most people care to spend on clothing, yes, but the things you can get here are a lot more durable and well made than things you might find in other stores," Severus explained as they walked slowly onward together. "And I am well aware of how much money I intend to spend and I assure you, you need it and I can afford it. More importantly, you deserve to have something nice and durable...and warm," As he spoke the last sentence, Severus made a point of looking in Harry's eyes.
~*~*~
The young man blushed slightly. Well.. it would be nice to have something warm for once. Harry sighed lightly. Maybe Severus was trying to get the point across that he didn't like Harry hugging him to get warm? Frowning, the youth gave a small nod, still looking down.
Shaking his head, knowing he was being transparent again, Harry looked up and gave a weak grin. "Then maybe we should start with sweaters?" The older man nodded and led him towards the racks filled with brightly coloured sweaters and sweatshirts. Harry frowned and looked through the rack, trying to look like he was being picky, but really he was just looking at the price tags. Finally coming across something that was the cheapest out of the rack, he pulled it out.
It was a dark red sweater, the pattern almost looking like large ropes trailing down the length of the sweater. It wasn't very appealing, but at least it was cheaper then the others, and it looked like it would be warm. Harry was used to wearing clothes that didn't fit, were incredibly cheap, and weren't exactly what you would call.. nice looking.
Harry turned to Severus, showing him the sweater. It was durable and warm, and it was cheap. Harry still wasn't too sure that he deserved having anything, but if Snape said so, then he could just stick to cheap clothes that wouldn't put that much of a dent in Severus' intended spending range for him.
~*~*~
Severus raised a tell tale eyebrow in Harry's general direction. He was such a transparent Martyr. However much that might have annoyed some people, Severus had been there himself and could not ever find annoyance at such acts except those aimed at the Dursleys. If it weren't at Harry's request he would've run them out of town on day one; but that didn't mean he still didn't have plans for them.
Stepping forward, Severus gently took the sweater from Harry and examined it. As he suspected he'd dug out the cheapest one in the pile; but no matter. Eventually he'd see how much he was really worth and then nothing would stand in his way. "You don't need my permission to get anything Harry," he said turning back to face him. "All I ask is that you get a full wardrobe; and by that I mean at least ten regular outfits, one suit, a proper coat, a few pairs of shoes."
Seeing Harry's eyes widen slightly with 'I am not worth that,' practically written all over his forehead. Placing one hand over his shoulder, Severus spoke again, "I know that's a bit overwhelming; that's why I'm here to help you. The things here may be expensive, but they're by no means extravagant, or overpriced. You can pick out anything you want. You only need to look to me if you want to know my opinion; beyond that, the choice is yours. I'm a man of my word, so please take me on it."
Severus paused and waited for his words to sink in before adding. "And if I might make a suggestion..." He trailed off and reached for a Shetland Sweater the same brilliant red as the first Harry had selected, but with a much more pleasing design. It would hug Harry's small frame; emphasizing the elegance in it without looking like it was trying to fill him out, as well as keep him very warm; Severus had a few of them himself. "What do you think of this one?"
~*~*~
Harry put back the sweater he had carefully chosen from the rack and took the offered sweater. Eyes widening at the nice form fitting sweater with a small golden ball with wings on the right breast area (he didn't know what that stood for, but he imagined that it was supposed to be a golf ball or something, and the wings were to show it taking flight), all in all, it was very nice. Harry smiled and draped the sweater of his arm. He resisted look at the price, knowing he would probably put it back if it ended up being expensive. He'd have to do that for anything else he was going to buy in this place, otherwise, they would spend all day in here looking for something cheap.
Severus followed him as he walked towards the jeans rack. Scanning the rack (making sure to not look down at the little white tags attached) he pulled out three pairs of jeans. A sleek black form fitting pair, another one stone washed and the popular low rise style, and the last one was faded blue with a high waist and a straight boot cut. He showed them to Severus, who nodded with a small smile on his face. Obviously, Harry had been correct in just picking them. Maybe he would try getting some kind of job once things settled down, and he could pay Snape back?
He walked towards the other pant section, this one carrying everything else from sweat pants to dress pants. Harry grabbed a comfortable looking pair of dark blue drawstring pants, slightly baggy, but it still looked like it would be nice and roomy, instead of just plain baggy. Looking up at Snape for approval, he saw him nod slightly in reassurance. Harry grinned and walked towards the next section.
A light blush staining his cheeks, he picked through the underwear for his size. He wasn't positive, but the underwear Severus had given him fit perfectly, and he had checked the tag, so he knew from the size there, what he might be. Grabbing a three pack of plain white boxer briefs, he also grabbed a silky (he hoped it wasn't real silk or it would be a bit expensive.. but he still held onto not looking at the price tags) pair of emerald green boxers to sleep in. It had to air out sometime right? Harry resisted the chuckle that thought caused, and quickly grabbed a package of five black socks, before going over to the tee shirts and other summer wear.
At least these shouldn't be too expensive, he thought, grabbing a black form fitting muscle top and a slightly baggier plain white cotton top. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, he looked at Severus to find him holding a small basket. Smiling in thanks, he let the heavy burden fall into the basket, shaking his arm slightly to return feeling to it.
Harry looked around, trying to find the coat section. Finally spotting the sign, he walked towards it, before pausing and asking to hold the basket. Severus just shook his head, and motioned for him to continue walking. Harry sighed and went into the large section. Trying on various coats, looking to find a coat that actually fit him and didn't end past his hands, he finally found a waist length navy blue coat that fit him nicely and actually had two layers inside so he could wear it for the colder seasons and the warmer ones. Holding onto it instead of putting it in the basket (it was too big anyway), he walked towards the back corner where the suits were kept.
Frowning, he tilted his head towards Severus who was watching him intently. Blushing slightly under the dark stare, he tilted his head and asked, "why exactly do I need a suit?" It's not like he went anywhere.
~*~*~
"There are events that will come up from time to time that will require you to have a suit, and as you have probably guessed from the many coats I own, I prefer to be prepared ahead of time," Severus explained. Still seeing Harry slightly confused, Severus elaborated, "graduation, for example. And then if you decide to go to collage you'll probably be interviewed, or if you go into the work force right away you'll also need a suit to make a good impression. For you I might recommend a simple charcoal suit with a white shirt and a green tie, but that's just an example."
With a small nod he watched Harry browse the various selections with that intensely concentrated look he got when thrust into unfamiliar territory, and he found himself smiling slightly in spite of himself. It was very amusing, watching Harry move around to look at clothing. He had a light-footed grace about him that, while perhaps gained by more unpleasant experiences in life, was an endearing quality now in his new freedom. In the end, Harry picked out a suit nearly identical to what Severus had described and they moved onto shoes together.
Being on the shorter side, Harry had small feet that were surprisingly easy to fit. Time there passed quickly and they were soon leaving the store with a pair of sneakers, a pair of dress shoes, a pair of sandals, and a pair of black hiking boots added onto their load, which Severus was carrying. He was not about to risk Harry damaging his arm so shortly after taking it off the sling.
Next they ventured briefly to an office supply store to gather some extra school supplies. After they were loading the rest of that into the trunk, Severus turned around and caught Harry's eye. Signaling for him to come closer, Severus gently removed his thick glasses and studied his features for a moment. "I was planning on replacing those glasses to begin with," he mused allowed, "would you like contacts as well, or instead? They might be easier for you to handle than glasses."
~*~*~
Harry blinked at the blurry version of Severus and tilted his head slightly. The older man put his glasses back on, causing Harry to blink sharply again, focusing in on everything. Contacts? Well.. it would be better then constantly fixing his glasses with tape when they broke from someone hitting him.. but putting his finger in his eye? The young man shuddered. He was about to say contacts as well as the glasses, but he had a strong hunch that contacts were even more expensive than the clothes they had just bought.
Frowning, Harry looked back up to meet Severus' gaze. "I guess contacts." He paused before stating the truth, "I'm a bit nervous with putting my finger in my eye though." He pouted and frowned. Hopefully it wasn't painful.
~*~*~
"Tell you what," Severus said while they both got into the car. "The eye clinic will probably have a few blank contacts around. You can try putting them in there and see what you think. I heard it's not so bad once you get used to it, and I think they have kinds that you can leave in for a month without changing." Severus was going to add that Harry didn't need to feel pressured into contacts, but he decided against it, knowing the young teen might worry about Severus telling him he's costing too much.
The drive to the eye clinic was short and comfortably silent, like most of their drives already, and Severus appreciated knowing someone who was relaxed enough around him that didn't need to fill up the air with empty words.
They walked quickly inside, eager to get out of the cold and, while arranging to see the doctor, Severus picked up a few blank contacts. Returning to the waiting room with Harry he explained, "they said it would be about a fifteen minute wait. You can try out these in the meantime if you like." With that he handed Harry the case with the blanks in it and just for good measure he added, "don't worry about dropping them, they're only blanks."
~*~*~
Harry frowned and took off his glasses, placing them gently on the low coffee table in front of the chairs. Sitting down in one of the hard chairs, he unscrewed the lid and stuck a finger inside the container, pulling out a contact. Setting the small container down on the table in front of him, he slowly brought his finger to his eye, still hesitant. Well.. it wasn't like it would seriously hurt him or anything. Giving a mental shrug, he gently pressed his finger to his eye and brought his hand back. He blinked several times and smiled slightly when he barely felt anything there. That wasn't so hard.. mimicking his earlier movements, he followed what he'd seen others do when they were contacts, and gently pressed his finger on his eye, bringing it back, and with it the small clear contact. His smile brightened. That really wasn't that bad. And it would be a hell of a lot easier then his glasses. Hopefully they didn't fall out though.
Settling back into the chair, the two dark haired men waited for the receptionist to call Harry in.
~*~*~
They waited for maybe five minutes, chatting quietly, before they were called inside. The doctor Severus chose was very efficient. It was simply a few minutes of saying better or worse as different lenses were put in front of him until he had pin pointed Harry's prescription, and it was only a few more minutes after that before the doctor returned with custom made contacts for Harry. Severus made quick work of paying the man and a few moments after he left the room he glanced back over at Harry to see him staring almost in disbelief at the package in his hands.
Severus quickly closed the space between them and laid a hand on his shoulder to gain the teen's attention. "Go ahead, try them on," Severus coaxed gently. He was completely honest with himself; even though he'd tried his best not to influence Harry one way or the other, he was glad he'd chosen contacts over glasses. His eyes were a beautiful deep color, rare as irises went and the last thing they needed was a barrier of glass between them and the world.
~*~*~
Harry smiled shakily, still surprised that he'd actually gotten them. Pulling them out of the white paper bag, he unscrewed the small case and repeated the earlier process that he'd gone through with the blanks, though this time Severus was holding onto his glasses for him.
Blinking sharply to adjust to wearing both of them, Harry's eyes widened. Everything looked.. sharper. And he didn't have those damn heavy frames weighing down on his ears and nose. Smiling widely, he flung his arms around the older man's waist, whispering, "thank you, thank you," over and over again. Severus chuckled and patted him on the back.
Calming down, Harry grinned lightly, and walked out of the store with the taller man striding beside him. They walked down the street and into the parking lot. Harry shivered and hugged himself. He felt.. odd. Looking around, he frowned at the many people walking the streets. Getting a little bit closer to Severus, he sighed when some of that .. odd feeling lessened some what. Frowning, he tried to figure out exactly what was bothering him. He'd felt a little weird as soon as they'd exited the optic's store. Maybe it had something to do with the contacts?
~*~*~
'He's nervous,' Severus mused to himself when he noticed Harry moving closer, 'and with good reason too. All these new things; and he's probably so used to the glasses by now...' Severus mulled that over for a moment or two before tapping Harry on the shoulder in order to stop him from walking out into the parking lot just yet.
"You know there's a bookstore not far from here, why not stop in there before lunch?
~*~*~
Harry's eyes lit up, nervous feeling completely gone for now as he imagined all the books. Smiling brightly, he nodded and followed Severus until they came across a small little place packed between two large buildings.
Stepping into the store, the name unknown due to the faded sign on the front, Harry looked around. The room was comfortably warm, the lighting was bright, but not the harsh florescent lighting of most places. The books were lined neatly across the many shelves. It looked like they had crammed as much books into one place as they could, yet it still looked neat and organized. Harry actually felt comfortable in this small place, which was unusual, considering he usually hated being in small spaces. Maybe it was because of the many books, or the calming lighting?
Harry scanned the shelves and randomly pulled out books. Reading the back cover and then placing them back. Eventually Severus came over, carrying a small novel in his hand.
~*~*~
A small smile spread over Severus' face at the sight of Harry cruising over the shelves. It was good to see him so happy. "How's the book search coming?"
~*~*~
Harry looked up at the older man. Smiling, he put the book back that had been in his hands. "I'm just looking. I still have a bunch of books to read in your library still, so there's no point in getting one." Harry smiled. He was actually really looking forward to going through those books, and talking to Severus about them.
But going into this bookstore had really calmed him down. Maybe it was just the books, or maybe it was the lack of people.. Harry sighed and brushed past Severus, who followed him to the cashier. Snape paid for his book, and the two went back outside, Harry walking close to the older man. Close enough, that to anyone else, it would be considered invading their personal space. But at least it made Harry feel calmer. Hopefully he wasn't this jumpy when he went back to school. It wasn't like he was going to be able to hang around Severus.
Harry sighed, his mood quickly brought down by that thought. He really was going to miss spending most of his time talking to Snape. Though Severus was probably glad to get rid of him so he could read and be by himself for once. Harry knew that Severus liked his company, the man wouldn't hang out with him if he didn't, he was blunt spoken enough to state that. But Harry still felt like he was invading the man's solitary life.
~*~*~
Once Severus had packed the last of the shopping bags away, they both climbed into the car and started out for home. The drive was relatively silent until they reached the edges of Severus' forest. There had been a question nagging at Severus all day long. Over the past two weeks, Harry and he had read many things together and often had great conversation during and after reading about the books. Harry seemed very insightful and excessively happy when he was reading; not to mention his innate talent for poetry. If he ever pursued it, Severus was sure he'd make a great author.
"I've been thinking," Severus ventured, glancing at Harry, "I've been having a lot of trouble with my book lately; I can't seem to get any further in it at the moment. So I was wondering if you'd mind taking a look at it? "
~*~*~
Harry looked over at Severus, smiling, "sure."
~*~*~
Severus returned the smile before focusing his attention back on the road. After another fifteen minutes or so of driving they were pulling into the driveway. Pausing to stretch as he parked the car, Severus glanced over at Harry. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. Why don't we go relax a bit and have Jess get some lunch together?" Harry grinned and nodded, "alright then."
They both stepped out of the car and stretched lightly, Severus carrying his bag from the bookstore. That was when Severus noticed Harry walking towards the back seat were the bags were stored. "Don't even think about it," he said in a friendly tone, but one that was not meant to be argued with. "You're not lifting much of anything until your arm's not sore anymore. We can have Dobby set things away." Harry looked at the door like he thought he should be carrying his own stuff, but eventually relented and they walked side by side up the steps.
Severus was just about to pull the door open when it opened for him and revealed a tall, pale, blonde man with very distinguished features that, upon seeing Severus, contorted to reveal shock and guilt; emotions his face didn't seem made for.
"Lucius?!" Severus managed through his mild shock. "What are you doing here?"
"Well... I have an explanation, Severus."
"An explanation for what?!"
"Just come in the foyer before both of you catch cold," Lucius begged, and if it hadn't been for Harry's easy susceptibility to cold, Severus wouldn't have listened. The front door was not closed a second before Severus spun around with a look that brooked no argument and leveled it on Lucius.
"Why. are. you. here?" He asked, punctuating each word. "It's not as though you're unwelcome, but every other time you've come here you've been up to something.
Lucius looked indignant for a moment, as though he would protest, but one look at Severus' serious expression changed his mind. "I was returning your dog," Lucius explained with an almost intimidating air of dignity; one he'd used to bend many people to his will, but it did not fool Severus.
"Why did you barrow my dog? And which one?"
Lucius opened his mouth to explain when at that moment Padfoot came trotting in with a scrap of clothing hanging from his mouth. Lucius had the decency to look slightly embarrassed before he explained, "he was teaching someone a lesson. No one saw me, and he doesn't have any tags so it's not traceable, but they still deserved it."
Severus raised a slender eyebrow towards his hairline and bent to retrieve the fabric. It was a shredded bit of boxer shorts with the initials D.D. sewn on the hem. A huge smirk crept across Severus' features and he showed the scrap to Harry.
~*~*~
The raven haired boy looked at the material, frowned for a second, before he burst out laughing. Dudley deserved it, indeed. Reaching down, small chuckles still escaping his parted lips, he rubbed Padfoot behind the ears, smiling at the large dog. "Good boy." The dark haired dog jumped up at the praise, intending to put his paws on Harry's shoulders, as he'd often done with Severus, but with how small Harry was in frame and height, the raven haired boy landed on his back with a quiet "oomph." Padfoot quickly got off him and stepped to the side, licking his face. Rubbing the large dog's neck, he chuckled quietly, "it's okay Padfoot, I'm not hurt. Just try not to get too overexcited next time. You should save that energy for Remus." Harry laughed when the animal did a doggy smile and licked him again on the face before racing off, probably to find his mate. Harry smiled and sat up, wincing slightly at the ache in his back. He was probably going to have a small bruise there, but it wasn't that bad. He'd rather have a few bruises from some rough housing than actual abuse.
He blinked when he noticed a hand in front of his face. Smiling up at Severus, he grabbed onto the large hand with both of his and hauled himself up. Letting go a little too suddenly, he was saved from falling back on his ass by two agile hands catching his shoulders and pulling him forward, so instead he landed against a firm, broad chest. Blushing slightly, Harry backed up, mumbling a thanks.
~*~*~
Severus smiled quietly at Harry before turning his attention back to Lucius who was trying to suppress his laughter at that moment. "Now as for you, my old friend," Lucius managed to control his laughter and present a look of perfect innocence to Severus, "since that little thieving escapade turned out so well... you're forgiven, but do try to ask next time."
Rolling his eyes as if in boredom Lucius replied, "If you insist, but it's so much more interesting this way." He paused to check his watch and then promptly made for that door. "Sorry to cut this short, gentlemen, but my wife will be expecting me home soon."
"Always the same with you eh? She's got you hen pecked you know," Severus shot out half heartedly. It had been a really long time since he'd sparred verbally with his friend.
"Well at least I am married," Lucius shot back not missing a beat.
"Finchè voi nonlo baci ancora ('As long as you don't kiss me again', in Italian)," Severus came back at him to which Lucius just shook his head ruefully and dramatically bowed out.
Severus watched the door a few moments after he had left and with a soft sigh he said almost to himself, "he's changed so much." He and Lucius had been so close as teenagers, but, as with most people, he'd drifted apart from Severus. Whenever they did see each other, it was like old times for a few moments, but reality always came back. It wasn't that Severus minded him having a life, that was technically what marriage was, finding someone to stick true to for the rest of your life and, as much as Severus had ever seemed adverse to the subject, it was something he had desired for most of his life up until this day. A soul-mate.
~*~*~
Harry frowned, looking between the closed door and the somber man next to him who had his head bent down, long strands of ebony hair blocking his face from view. There was obviously some kind of past between Lucius and him, and Severus obviously missed it. Harry's eyes lost their new found sparkle, replaced instead by sadness and sympathy.
Walking over to the man, the small raven haired teen slipped his arms around the older man's waist, squeezing gently, trying to give him comfort. Hoping that he was succeeding in bringing the man out of his depressing thoughts.
Harry didn't like to see Severus sad. His professor didn't seem like he was happy often, but over the past two weeks Harry had definitely noticed a change. He'd smiled more, even laughed a few times. He was pretty sure Snape didn't do that often. And if it was Harry's influence on him that was making him more happy, then Harry would gladly stick around to make sure Severus kept smiling and didn't dwell in past memories, and would instead move on. The older man was trying to help him with that, so he figured it would be only fair (and Harry really did want to help him) to help the man in return. Even if Severus pushed him away, Harry wouldn't give up. He wasn't stubborn often, but when he was.. he wouldn't give up, no matter what happened. Even if something terrible happened to him.. he didn't want to see Severus sad.
~*~*~
With another small sigh, Severus leaned into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Harry as well; a small , if not somewhat sad, smile crossing his features. He hadn't had someone he could depend on to cheer him up and read him so well since Lucius got married, and he'd missed it terribly. It was as if Harry could read him even through the walls he had, knowing that talking wouldn't reach him well. As transparent as Harry appeared, you never really knew, and he just hoped he was able to do the same for him.
They staying like that for a few minutes before Severus pulled back, absentmindedly brushing a few strands of hair out of Harry's eyes. "What do you say we get that lunch now?"
~*~*~
Harry looked up at the soft touch, smiling softly. Looking into Severus' eyes, he found that they were darker than usual, probably with sadness, but it looked like he was trying to make an effort to get out of it. Harry smiled and nodded.
Severus told Harry to go to his sitting room while he picked up their meal. The young man agreed and made himself comfortable on Snape's large tan couch, snuggling into the arm rest so that he was a bit warmer. It wasn't that these rooms were particularly cold, but for some strange reason, they always felt cold until Severus came into the room. Or maybe that was because Harry was allowed to snuggle into the older man's side for warmth.
They'd eaten in here a couple of times over the past two weeks, either watching movies while they ate, or just spending their time in comfortable silence, each in their own thoughts. Of course with the latter, thoughts tended to go down hill, but somehow the other man was always able to read him and cheer him up before he got too depressed. The same thing happened with Severus. Harry wasn't very good with words, so he usually let his actions speak for themselves. It just so happened that words didn't always work to bring Severus out of his dark moods, but it did help when Harry's arms were wrapped around him.
Harry, still lost in his thoughts, didn't notice the quiet opening of the door, or the slight shuffle as Severus entered with a small platter on his hands, carrying two pastrami sandwiches and two small glasses of hot chocolate.
~*~*~
Severus gently set the tray down on the coffee table and sat down beside the younger teen, raising an ebony brow towards his hairline when he jumped in surprise. "Relax Harry. I don't bite," he said, handing him one of the sandwiches with a small smirk.
~*~*~
Harry chuckled, heart still beating fast in his scare. At least Severus hadn't taken advantage of him being lost in his thoughts, like Vernon had always done. Harry had always paid dearly for his lack of attention to his surroundings. Of course.. that still didn't always stop it from happening, but at least he wasn't caught by surprise.
A cool sandwich was placed into his hand, causing Harry to blink. He'd obviously done it again. Flickering his eyes up to meet Severus' concerned gaze, obviously the teen's inner thoughts had appeared across his face, Harry smiled weakly and shook his head, saying, "thanks," in a quiet voice. Snape probably didn't know why he was being thanked, that or he would just think Harry was being polite again by thanking him for the sandwich. But the raven haired teen felt like he should say thanks again.. for everything. For showing him another way in which he was completely different from Vernon, showing him that Harry could trust him even more.
~*~*~
Severus smiled softly at Harry while nodding his understanding. He was an intelligent man, and he knew Harry said much more with action than with words and when he did speak, there was often greater depth than originally appeared. “You’re welcome Harry,” he replied quietly before leaning back and starting on his sandwich, watching Harry do the same.
“Oh, I almost forgot, there’s something I wanted to give you,” he said suddenly, reaching under the couch for the bag he’d carried his novel in from the bookstore. Severus glanced up and fought not to giggle. He must have been rubbing off on Harry because, even though confusion plainly covered his features, one eyebrow was slightly raised towards his hairline. Turning to face him on the couch, Severus began speaking again. “You have to be one of the bravest people I’ve ever met Harry. You’ve obviously been through so much and still had the courage to go under the care of a teacher you hadn’t known long.” Severus wasn’t as good with words when it came to his own emotions so he stopped there saying only, “and I just wanted to thank you for trusting me,” before pulling a very thick red leather bound book with a golden effigy of a lion on it’s hind paws on the front. The book was blank; a place for Harry to write his poems and jot down his feelings like he had with his previously filled book.
~*~*~
Harry took the book from Severus’ outstretched hands, running his small hand over the cover in reverence. He couldn't believe it.. finally.. his *own* book. One that was actually meant for him to write in, one that was actually *given* to him by someone who understood and cared for him. Smiling, Harry gently set the journal aside on the coffee table, before diving at Severus, hugging him tightly, his skinny arms wrapped around the slender neck. "Thank you."
Over the past two weeks, Harry (and Severus too it seemed) had gotten more used to touching the other man. It could have just been the lack of physical contact as a child that made Harry reluctant to touch, or let anyone touch him. And maybe his childhood was to blame for him being a bit.. clingy, for lack of a better word. Harry just hoped that Severus didn't mind. The older man seemed too kind to just out and out tell him to stop touching him, but he also hadn't seemed like he resented the younger man's touch, he didn't tense up at all (unless it was from surprise when Harry suddenly launched himself at him in his enthusiasm), and he never pulled away from the embraces with haste. Harry was really sad that he wouldn't be able to hug Severus freely during the day, since they would both be at school, and it wasn't very professional of a teacher to hug their student. He knew when he went back to school, he would really need the comfort again of the other man's arms. But maybe he could use his new journal as a substitute, however poor it was compared to the real thing. But at least Harry would be getting *some* comfort from writing and talking about his troubles, even if it was in a journal, and not on the shoulder of someone who understood and cared.
~*~*~
Severus wrapped his arms around the smaller mans waist and tucked his head under his chin with a warm smile. It was so refreshing and unexpectedly comforting to have Harry around. He'd become accustomed to being suddenly glomped, and rather enjoyed the show of strength from such a seemingly fragile creature. He was under no delusions that things would continue to be easy between them; he knew better. But at least they trusted each other and however things went, he felt and he hoped Harry did to, that they didn't have to go through it alone.
Severus gently rubbed Harry's back as he spoke, trying to offer comfort. "I thought something like that might be bothering you," he said softly. "I'm sure you know by now that I'm a blunt man. If I didn't like being around you, or if you were bothering me, I would have told you. Actually, I rather enjoy having you around; it's been a long time since I knew anyone who liked reading and writing as much as I do. And I just like being with you in general; a reminder that intelligent life still exists in the universe. And trust me, I'd much rather spend the rest of the school year teaching you rather than giving lectures to a bunch of students that, lets face it, might as well be a wall."
~*~*~
Harry giggled and pulled back slightly, his hands still lightly linked behind Severus' neck. Up close, Harry was surprised to see that the older man's eyes were actually a mixture of various shades of dark brown, instead of pitch black like he had thought. Harry tilted his head to the side slightly and raised a curious brow, "why did you go into teaching if you think they're all a bunch of walls?"
~*~*~
"Well," Severus chuckled, "I genuinely like the subject and, for the one or two students I get that actually do listen, you being one of them, I think it's worth it." 'Not to mention,' Severus thought to himself, brushing a few errant strands of hair out of Harry's eyes, 'that it gets lonely being here all alone.' As much as he wasn't a social person, Severus knew he wanted/needed one person to share his life with. With an inward sigh, Severus thought, ‘God, I am getting sentimental in my old age.’
~*~*~
Harry smiled and leaned into the hand still on his cheek from where it had brushed a long strand away from his face. Frowning slightly, seeing Severus' eyes darken, the darker shades of brown seeming to over take the lighter ones, Harry unwrapped one hand from around Snape's neck and poked a slender finger on his nose, smiling when the older man's eyes regained focus, and then ended up going cross eyed as his vision focused on the digit on his nose. "Stop thinking." Harry pouted, trying to stop from laughing when Severus' eyes widened in surprise. The man really needed to lighten up sometimes.
~*~*~
A small smile grew over Severus' face as he looked up to meet Harry's eyes. "If you insist." Then again he did have Harry with him. It really was hard to believe he was only seventeen sometimes, he acted so much older most of the time. Not to mention he really read Severus well and often ended up cheering him up when no one else could have.
~*~*~
Harry smiled brightly and turned around so he was sitting in between the professor's long legs and rested his back against the broad chest. Placing his head back so he could look up at Severus' down turned face, he grinned, "comfy pillow," he said in a baby voice. Severus chuckled and rested his hand on the younger man's flat stomach. Getting comfy, he turned his head to the side so his cheek rested against the firm bicep in a make shift pillow.
"Could I ask you something?" He heard Severus grunt softly for him to go on. Frowning, he asked, "how do you know Lucius?" Feeling Severus tense up, Harry rushed to say, "you don't have to answer or anything, I was just wondering. You seem so.. sad after you talk to him." Harry squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that Snape wouldn't push him away.
~*~*~
Severus sighed quietly, the air ruffling Harry's hair slightly. "Well... Lucius was my best friend growing up; the person I could share anything with." Severus paused, dwelling on that doomed game of Truth or Dare that, although he should, he didn't want to take back and do over. "After he got married he kind of drifted away. Every time we see each other we kind of pick up were we left off, but it's not quiet the same. I miss the company."
~*~*~
Harry rested a hand on the bicep beside his cheek, gripping it in reassurance. He could relate to missing someone's company, though they hadn't really grown apart.. "I'm sorry. I used to miss one of my friends, but we probably weren't as close as you and Mr. Malfoy. Ron and I were really good friends when we were younger.. well, I thought we were. But when we both grew up a bit more, Ron started getting more interested in playing sports and looking at girls. I was just happy writing and reading.
"He thought I was a sissy and that I wasn't a real man, so he soon found friends that were more fun to hang around with. It's not that bad though. I was hurt when he just left me like that, but I know most people end up losing friends, so it's only normal. Besides, I kind of deserved it, because he thought I was lying to him the whole time, which.. I guess I kind of was. He thought that my stuttering was an actual problem, instead of me just being nervous.
"After awhile of getting closer to him and being more comfortable, I dropped the stuttering, and he got really pissed off.. saying how he trusted me and how could I lie like that to him after everything we'd been through. I guess it doesn't make much sense that I didn't feel comfortable around him for a long time, but I just always felt weird around him. Not attraction weird, but.. kind of like I almost knew something was going to happen. But a year or two went by, and I figured that I was just being stupid, so I stopped being so nervous around him, and my stuttering stopped too when I finally calmed down. He thought I had been lying to him all that time, so any connection we had after he had found those other friends was instantly lost.
"Since then, which I think was around grade 9 or so, I haven't made any other friends except for you, because no one would approach me due to my new stereotype of being a snob because I wouldn't talk to anyone, and I was too shy to even bother. Or maybe too hurt of rejection.. I don't know. But," Harry shrugged lightly, "I didn't really need friends. I had my journal to write in, and that was good enough for me."
The raven haired teen was a bit surprised that he had just blurted all this out to Severus, but he felt oddly comfortable around the man. Nothing like he had experienced around Ron. He'd stopped stuttering after basically first meeting the professor, and he hadn't regretted it. He was definitely more outspoken around Snape, even if he did sometimes keep things to himself, but even Severus did that. Everyone was entitled to their secrets. Harry just felt like he should share a piece of his past, because... well, just because he was comfortable talking to Severus about it.
~*~*~
"Finding a real friend is a hard thing," Severus murmured tightening his grip on Harry slightly. "This Ron doesn't sound like he was ever much of one to you. There's more to being a man than being macho. You were more of a man for continuing on through all that like you did; it takes a lot of strength." Severus paused for a moment before continuing. "I don't give up my friends so easily."
~*~*~
Harry smiled and hugged the arm underneath his head. "I'm glad," he paused before continuing, "and neither do I." He knew now that it was possible to find a real friend, one that cared for him, understood him, and knew when to leave well enough alone. Someone that Harry trusted with his life, literally.
The next few hours were spent on the couch, lightly napping, both lost in their own dreams. Neither knew exactly when they let their lids close and stay closed, but it looked like the day's events had tired them out. And while neither man was really looking forward to the upcoming day, they were both glad to know that they would be able to find solace in a home in the company of their friend.
When supper rolled around, Jessica sent someone up to bring them their meal, which they shared while watching another movie out of Severus' extensive collection. Occasionally the silence between them was broken by a sarcastic remark from the older man directed to the movie, and the younger man's laughter.
After watching the movie, Severus escorted Harry back to his bed, mockingly tucking him in, to which the teen giggled at. Saying goodnight, Snape parted to go to his room, leaving Harry to quickly fall asleep in the large comfortable bed.
Sometime during the night, a small raven haired teen pulled the second pillow down beside him, unconsciously wrapping his arms around it in a hug, a small smile on his young face making the teen look even sweeter for a young man of his age.
CHAPTER 9: NEW DAY, DARK KNIGHT
'What the hell is that beeping and why won't it die?' were Severus' first charming thoughts that Wednesday morning when he had to get up early for school. Eventually he became conscious enough to turn off his alarm clock and flop back against his mattress. Taking a few deep breaths before he forced himself out of bed, Severus thought over his little vacation with a smile. It was a shame to leave it behind, but Harry lived at the Manor now so they would still see each other.
With a small grunt, Severus pushed himself off his bed and staggered through his sitting room and the hallway into the bathroom. After his usual showering, brushing teeth, and hair routine, he once again thanked his long-forgotten ancestors that he'd not received the gene allowing masculine facial and body hair. After sending his briefcase down to the car via Dobby and putting in an order for breakfast, he made his way back to Harry's room.
Pausing at Harry's door, Severus, for once, didn't hear any tell-tale signs of a nightmare. Was he up already? Knocking softly, Severus murmured, "Harry? Are you awake yet?"
~*~*~
Harry woke up, blinking his eyes to try to get the sleep out of them. He got out of bed reluctantly, remembering that today he and Severus were supposed to be going back to school. The slim teen sighed in regret before stretching his arms over his head, arching his back until a loud 'crack' resounded in the room. Before Straightening with a loud sigh, Harry quickly made up his bed and crossed to the wardrobe, adjusting his briefs from where they had twisted up during the night. Harry tended to toss and turn a lot, even on his good nights.
Taking out various articles of clothing from the bottom shelves and from the rack hanging over top, he folded the shirt he'd grabbed from the rack and carried the articles of clothing towards the door for a morning shower (something he'd gotten used to in his short time living in the manor) when a knock at the door startled him, causing him to drop his clothes.
Quickly stooping over to pick them up, he straightened and opened the door to greet a startled Snape; obviously the older man hadn't been expecting him to be awake. After going to bed early last night, he'd already gotten his required amount of sleep, so he'd probably awakened just after Severus.
~*~*~
"I see you're up already," Severus observed as the door gave way. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't sleep in. Breakfast is in about a half an hour and afterwards we'll be heading to school." With a small nod Severus said, "I'll see you at breakfast, Harry," and walked slowly back down the stairs.
It was several minutes before Severus looked up from his book from his position at the table and smiled as Harry walked in. "Good morning," he said, while closing the book and setting it to the side. "How are you feeling? Did you sleep well?" Severus asked just as Jess came in with a huge plate of muffins for them both.
~*~*~
Harry seated himself at the table in his usual spot and reached to take a muffin. "Besides having to go back to school, I'm fine." The teen grinned lightly. "And I slept pretty well too, even if I did have to wake up early." Taking a large bite out of the heated chocolate chip muffin (one of his favorites, as Jess had obviously noted) Harry looked over at Severus, wearing his usual black garb. "What about you? I always wondered if teachers hated school as much as students." Harry chuckled. "Then again, at least you get paid for it. We just have to take subjects that bore us half the time." Harry grinned and rolled his eyes.
The only course he was 'forced' to take was English, but he didn't mind. It was the other classes in his earlier years that made him grimace. He'd hated learning French, even though he'd known it was important to be bilingual. And he didn't like math. He lived for English though. So it was just as well his favorite teacher (and friend) was teaching the subject.
~*~*~
"Well other than the fact that my first thought every morning is, 'What the hell is that beeping and why won't it die?' I generally look forward to seeing the students who want to learn. I just wish they could start school later; I really am not a morning person. You seem to take to it well though," Severus said, noting how well put together Harry looked. The red suited him, though Severus had to admit he liked the green better; it brought out his big, expressive eyes which were no longer hiding behind big black frames. Even if he was thin he looked so much more like an adult and, aside from a few cute antics, he acted like one, too.
Checking his thoughts before he could get too in depth with that particular train of thought, Severus returned his attention to the conversation at hand.
~*~*~
Harry laughed at Severus' comment about the alarm. He'd never needed one, but he'd always heard Dudley getting up to it, and had always thought it to be the most annoying sound known to man.
Washing away the last bit of muffin with his milk, Harry frowned at the comment about him being a morning person. "It's not like I could afford to be half awake when I got up, or to be grumpy. I had to make meals for my relatives, and if they found anything wrong with it, I'd obviously never... Hear the end of it." Or rather, Petunia would slap him around a few times for messing it up. "I learned to be at least semi-awake after two minutes of getting up. But, by no means, does that make me a morning person. Just because I get up early and am actually awake, doesn't mean I'm happy first thing in the morning." Harry paused, tilting his head slightly. "Especially when I have to go back to school after having a mini-vacation." Especially when he had to face whatever ridicule the other students would think up now that they knew he was gay. 'I can't wait,' he thought sarcastically.
~*~*~
Severus could all but read Harry's downward spiral of thought. Gently he covered Harry's hand with his own. "Stop thinking," he said, mimicking what Harry had said to him yesterday. "You'll need all that energy for my class." They both stayed silent for a few moments, just looking at each other, Harry with a small smile.
Glancing down at his watch, Severus continued. “Speaking of school, we'd best be going. Get your bag and I'll meet you in the car; don't forget your coat - it gets colder faster here than in town." Severus gently patted Harry's hand before standing and walking out to the car to heat it up; he knew how susceptible Harry was to the cold. That thought brought a small smile to Severus' lips. It was ironic how well they'd both adjusted to living together; they fit each other so well.
Severus was a great believer in fate and how it always worked itself out. He'd started on a mission to save an abused teen and somewhere along the way they'd become almost like equals. Although he probably should've minded, he didn't. Not even a little bit.
~*~*~
Harry gave a small smile when his words from last night were repeated.
Watching Severus leave the room, his smile brightened; he knew the older man was heating up the car specifically for him. Standing up from the table, he quickly ran upstairs to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Running back downstairs, he grabbed his coat from the rack beside the front door. He put it on and draped his brand new, dark green messenger bag over his shoulder and ran out the door to join Snape in the car. He knew the man liked to get to school early to avoid the crowds of students, so Harry didn't want to make him late. Besides, Harry was looking forward to just sitting in the front of his first classroom reading. He wanted to write, but he figured (from what happened the last time) it wouldn't be the best of choices. Although he would miss the silent company of Severus as he read.
Harry sighed and placed his bag on his lap before buckling himself up.
~*~*~
Severus nodded in greeting to Harry before shifting the car into drive and pulling out of the driveway. It was a very beautiful morning; the clouds were a soft rose and gold color all across the horizon, shielding the sun from blinding them as they drove. The drive was relaxed and mostly silent except for the quiet soft rock songs from the radio. Again that quiet silence that so few people understood. At the thought, Severus glanced over at Harry and smiled, who returned it as though having the same thought.
Of course, in the back of his mind, Severus was thinking about the inevitable difficulties Harry would have to face at school. Things he might not be there to help him with. When they got to school Severus pulled into the all but deserted parking lot and before getting out he turned to Harry and said, "Just so you know, you are always welcome to drop by my classroom,” sincerely hoping that Harry would take him up on the offer if he felt the need instead of trying to keep everything bottled up until later. Noticing a little hesitation in him Severus added, “I guarantee the students won't miss me if I leave the room for a few minutes.”
~*~*~
Harry smiled and nodded. "I'll come by later during lunch." Seeing Severus nod, they both got out of the car. Harry shivered and brought his coat tighter around him. It was really getting close to winter.
Snape's usually long strides shortened to match his as they walked up to the front doors of the school. Oddly enough, his professor followed him to his locker and waited behind him as he got his books. Harry distinctly *felt* his presence behind him, it was definitely warm and it made the teen feel strangely safe, even though there was no one else in the hallway.
Quietly closing his locker as he always did, he turned around and felt his eyes widen in surprise at seeing Severus standing so close. An incredibly light red marred the older man's cheeks, and if Harry didn't know better, he'd have to say that the man was blushing. But Severus didn't blush.
Snape took a step back, but placed placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
~*~*~
"If you need me; you know where to find me," Severus said, giving Harry's shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning around and heading towards his classroom to set up and read.
As he walked down the hallway he had the distinct feeling that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his book so much, but Harry had been distracting him since the day they met so why should today be any different? He would've invited him to stay and read or talk with him before school officially started, but people would probably talk and the last thing Severus wanted was for Harry to have to worry about more than he already did. He thought for a moment that he might be getting too attached to the teen, but pushed that thought away uncomfortably. He had walls to teach in about a half hour.
~*~*~
Harry smiled at the back of a retreating Snape, before slinging his books higher up on his shoulder and walking down the hall to wait outside his first class. Sitting down on the cold, hard floor (his teacher not having opened the classroom yet), he opened up the third book he had gotten from Severus' extensive library. He frowned, trying not to think about the older man so he could actually concentrate on his novel.
~*~*~
At 8:00 the students began rolling in and Severus set about the often tiresome task of getting them to pay attention. A few did. There was at least one intelligent person in every class, but they tended to be more like Hermione than Harry. As he suspected, his long absence had all but erased any attention span he'd pulled from them before. No matter. He was a man few forgot, what with his powerful looming presence. He could pull that almost non-existent attention span out of them again.
He managed to get this message across to his class despite being slightly distracted. Almost all his classes were all about reading aloud now because so few people could do it correctly (or even tried) and this required a fair amount of attention. But at last, the end of the period rolled by and Severus simply reminded students that they owed him another poem tomorrow morning just before the bell rang and they all but bolted for the doors. With a sigh, Severus sat down at his desk and flipped through his paperwork, trying to decipher which period it was exactly for the fifth time that hour.
~*~*~
Harry walked to his next class, his head down, trying not to meet anyone's eye. He'd already had a small run in with one of Dudley's friends, and that hadn't gone very well. He was now sporting another black eye. He'd tried to fight back, but with the boy being so much bigger than him… well, obviously he hadn't been very successful obviously. Although he had managed to knee the ugly brute in the balls, so that gave him some satisfaction.
Grinning slightly, Harry finally made it to his next period class, art. He wasn't too good at it, but it was fun. And the teacher was really nice too, even though she was one of the professors that ignored him now due to the whole Dursley thing when she'd tried to get him out of the home and failed.
Slowly, the class filled up. Seated in the back of the class, Harry took out his class notebook to copy down the note on the board as the teacher had instructed.
Whispering near him caused him to raise his head slightly. He frowned when he heard the words 'that's him' and 'fag'. Harry sighed and continued to write. At least with the teacher in the room, things wouldn't get too bad. Just whispering and maybe tossed notes, but nothing like what happened in the hallways. Of course Dudley's little goon had ended up drawing a small crowd, so whoever didn't know Harry was gay surely did now.
The young man sighed and got to work on the small in-class project the teacher assigned them.
~*~*~
The whispers made it all the way to Severus' class and he was not pleased. He sent at least five students to the principal's office for talking during class and threatened to pile on the work if they didn't behave. At the end of class, Severus was down to thirteen kids where there had been twenty, and everyone had been assigned a brutal research paper.
When the class bell rang, every student burst for the door with the fear of God (or an angry Professor Snape) fueling them to the speed of light. Once the last one of them was gone, Severus eased into his chair again with a small groan and began massaging his temples, trying to soothe the headache he'd collected from the dunderheads in his classes. Not long after, that there was a quiet knock on his door. Severus glanced up quickly, but was met only with the sight of Minerva, and the sudden movement had made his headache worse. Narrowing his eyes to slits he spat, "What?"
Where many teachers would've cowered, Minerva just smiled pleasantly. She didn’t know Severus well at all (despite having worked with him so long) and she didn't think he'd ever let anyone know him, but to an extent she understood his demeanor and liked him anyway. "I noticed the throng of frightened students you sent to Dumbledore; you must be having one of your 'better' days," she said, grinning a little, which just frustrated Severus even more.
"What was your first clue?" Severus spat, wishing very much that she would go away. But of course, she did no such thing. She simple walked over to his desk and laid down a cup of steaming tea.
When Severus looked up mildly confused she explained, “For your headache. I remember the one time you had an all out migraine, I don't think you had any students left in here by the time you were done with class.”
Severus grumbled his thanks and Minerva mercifully left him to his thoughts. The woman had to know something about herbs, or she'd slipped some Advil in the tea because when it was gone, so was his headache; but not, unfortunately, his distraction. He made a mental note that he was worrying about Harry too much and forced himself into the novel he'd been trying to read this morning.
~*~*~
Harry sighed and debated on going to see Severus for lunch. After spending all that time in the other man's company, he was really starting to miss it. Especially after spending time with the dunderheads. Harry gave a small grin at the memory that word produced.
Grabbing his lunch (packed courtesy of Jessica), the raven haired teen headed down the hall towards the cafeteria. Sure there would be more students there, but at least the teachers would keep most of them at bay. God… with the way they were reacting, you'd think they'd never heard of a homosexual before. It would be kind of sad, if they weren't directing their hatred towards him.
Pushing through the cafeteria doors, the loud chatter that had previously been going on, grew quiet when he walked through. 'Fuck, this is just too much.' Straightening his shoulders, he kept his head up and stared straight ahead. Finally reaching the back of the cafeteria, where the only free table was, he sat down and opened his lunch bag. The whispers started up. Harry sighed and just kept eating his tuna sandwich, washing it down with his coke.
He was just finishing the last of his drink, when a large hand appeared on his shoulder. Frowning, Harry turned around and was met with another fist in the same place as the previous one. The teen fell backwards, hitting his head on the edge of the table before landing hard on the floor. Harry brought one hand up, feeling the back of his head; he winced when he touched a small bump.
He was pulled up easily from the ground by the same hand that had punched him, wrapped around the collar of his sweater. Narrowed bright blue eyes stared into his. He winced when a hand roughly groped his cock. 'What the hell was this guy doing? He wasn't one of Dudley's lackeys.' Harry thought, frowning.
"You like that, you little fag?" he snarled. Those bright blue eyes raked him up and down, something akin to lust in his eyes as he eyed Harry's slender frame, causing Harry to shiver in disgust. "I heard ya got yourself a boyfriend. Dudley said you were sleeping around with another cock sucker. Did your new boyfriend give you those clothes? You're just a skinny runt, don't know what he would see in you."
A higher-pitched voice broke in. "Richy, put him down." The larger teen followed the order, letting Harry land on the cold ground; he didn't smack his head against the floor this time, but his elbows sure hurt.
"Whatever, Rosaline," Richy snarled, though it was a great deal less harsher than when he'd directed it at Harry; without a backward glance (or a disgusted look or some kind of action), Richy walked out of the cafeteria.
The ebony haired teen Harry got up slowly, swaying slightly in dizziness. Shaking his head, he turned to his rescuer and smiled shyly. "Thanks." His eyes widened in surprise when she tilted her head up, curling her top lip slightly.
"I didn't do it for you, fag. Richy could have been suspended." She looked him up and down in disgust. "Besides, a faggot like you probably enjoyed that. You're disgusting. Richy was right, I don't know what your new boyfriend sees in you since you're so scrawny and ugly. Then again, maybe he just likes your ass. Does he fuck you doggie style? So he doesn't have to watch your ugly little face with your too big eyes. If he does like you, it's probably just because of the fucking." She looked him up and down again.
"Although I can't imagine that you're that great in bed. He'll probably throw you out as soon as he tires of you. Fags never actually care about each other, they're just in it for the fuck. If they want a lasting relationship, one where they actually love the person, they'll seek out other girls, not little fuck toys like you. You won't ever be able to find love because you're a little faggot."
Her sudden stream of words came to an abrupt halt. Harry looked up from where he had bent his head down to try to block out her hateful, yet very true words. His eyes widened when he saw Severus standing directly behind Rosaline, his hand pressed down on her small shoulder, his face impassive. Harry blinked sharply, not surprised to feel tears running down his cheeks. Turning around abruptly, he ran.
~*~*~
"You'll be lucky if I don't have you expelled along with your boyfriend," Severus ground out in a tone icy enough to give frostbite. Rosaline looked up at him, petrified, but he just turned her over to Minerva, who was currently chewing out not just her boyfriend, but the entire cafeteria in a way only she could. It was almost certain that all the students would be afraid of her (and Severus for that matter) for the rest of their natural lives. Severus, although he would've very much liked to put the fear of God into those horrible creatures as well as a couple thousand dollars of therapy, could only concentrate on one thing at the moment. Harry. He had to find him.
He stormed out of the cafeteria and stalked through the halls seeking out the raven haired teen. Searching the halls, his room, and a few closets produced nothing and his calm facade was chipping away to panic. Just as he was stalking past the courtyard door, he noticed something small huddling under the only real tree out there. Harry.
Rushing outside, Severus quickly closed the distance between them; crouching beside Harry's trembling form he placed his hands on the young man's shoulders. "Harry..." He said slowly, gathering the shaking teen in his arms. "Harry, don't listen to anything they say. Padfoot is more intelligent than those horrible excuses for humanity. They're not worth anything."
~*~*~
All Harry had ever wanted was to be loved, to be cared for, protected, understood. And now all his hopes and dreams were crushed, because of the very hurtful, yet blunt truth spoken by a seventeen year old girl. When Harry had figured out he was gay all those years ago, he'd read up quite a bit on it. He knew that most homosexual couples only lasted until one or the other got tired of the sex and moved onto someone else, he'd heard it enough from other people, especially Uncle Vernon and Petunia. But Harry had always had a small hope… that one day he'd find the one guy that would live with him until he grew old. Who would cherish him, respect him - love him. Now all those dreams were totally shot down the drain. Harry would never find anyone who would love him unconditionally.
Maybe… maybe it would me better to just go out with a girl, and although he could never love her fully, at least she would love him for a long time. She wouldn't just be in it for the sex.
Large muscular arms around his small frame startled him out of his thoughts. He tensed, waiting for some kind of attack, before he heard the husky voice whispering in his ear. Relaxing, he let himself cry on the older man's shoulder. He wouldn't be able to forget what they said, because it was true.
Harry wasn't stupid, he knew that they had exaggerated a bit, but what Rosaline had said about no one ever loving him; that was the truth. Who would ever love him? Harry Potter, just a scrawny seventeen year old too small for his age. With eyes that were too big, a small frame that could be mistaken for a small child. And anyone who did see him would be disgusted by the scars. If not by the scars, then by the low self-esteem. He'd heard once that you could never love someone else until you loved yourself, and you would never be in a loving relationship until you accomplished that. Harry would never be able to do that. He didn't love himself, he never would.
The small teen sighed and wiped a sleeve across his nose and eyes before burying his head into Severus' neck. The older man may like him, may protect him and make him feel safe, but he wouldn't love him unconditionally. Even if he even did love him, it would only be as a friend. And although Harry needed platonic love, he also needed the unconditional kind, too. But not everyone gets what they want, or so he had been taught. The ones that did get what they wanted, never seemed to appreciate it and always wanted more. They weren't happy with what they had. Maybe Harry was that type of person, too. He wanted love, so he wanted more than he had. He already had an incredible friend that cared for him, understood, protected, and respected his opinion. So, essentially, he was just reaching for more. So it looked like he was selfish after all. He should just be happy with what he had instead of looking for more, dreaming for more…
And as long as he stayed homosexual, then he never would reach that broken dream. But… How do you change who you are, without losing yourself?
~*~*~
Severus slowly rubbed Harry's back, holding him close as he rode out his sobbing. "Shhh. Don't worry about what she said; it's not true. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay; and not *every* gay man is looking for one night stands. A lot of men want long-lasting relationships just as much as heterosexual men do." Severus paused, watching Harry spiral downward in so much pain; he just couldn't stand to see him like that. He'd been through so much he didn't need this haunting him too. Hell, he didn't need nor deserve any of it. He deserved a loving family, good friends, and everything else the world had to offer. Severus knew he couldn't offer much, but he wanted to offer what comfort he could to his young friend.
"Harry..." He said softly against the younger man's ear, "That's what my father told me the night he burned that triangle into my forearm. That gays were worthless and stupid and could never have a loving relationship. He wanted to brand me with a symbol Hitler used to mark gay men as objects of ridicule. I believed him for far too long. It's not true Harry.
"All I've ever wanted was a committed relationship from with another man and if I feel that way, it's impossible for me to be the only one. My father meant that mark as a mark of shame, but long since it's become a symbol of pride; that's why I never got it removed. I didn't have to. I knew there had to be others out there who wanted love over lust. Don't listen to her because you're worth so much more than that. Any man with half a brain should be able to recognize how special you are."
Severus knew he was babbling slightly, something he never did, but he wanted so much to convey to Harry that he wasn’t by any means wrong or unworthy of love, to offer him comfort. He didn't care if he was babbling in the process of offering that comfort.
~*~*~
Harry lifted his head from Severus' shoulder, his eyes wide as he looked at the older man. His own father had done that? What the hell was that man thinking? Harry frowned, trying to get over the rage he felt. He'd never felt this kind of anger before...
Shaking his head, the young man looked up into Severus' warm eyes. He blinked away the new sheen of tears covering his vision. The wave of sadness quickly passed when Snape used his finger to gently wipe away his tear tracks, his own eyes seeming to tell Harry not to feel sad for him. Harry smiled weakly and wrapped his arms around the man's neck, tucking his head into Severus' collarbone.
Severus was right--surely if he and Harry felt like that, then there must be other men out there who would want a committed relationship, would want to love and be loved unconditionally. Although Harry didn't believe he was special, it was still nice to know that his dreams did have a possibility of working out. If not now, then sometime in the future, or even far future.
But had Severus ever found that man to share his life with? With his present solitary life, Harry didn't think so. Which was just stupid. Like Severus had said about him, any man with half a brain should realize how special Snape the man was. He was kind, protective, handsome, considerate, intelligent… the list went on. So why didn't Severus have anyone?
Gently ducking his head out from underneath the older man's chin, Harry backed up slightly, so his back was resting against Severus' raised knees, longs legs either side of the man's waist. Tilting his head, Harry frowned in confusion. "Have you ever… Did you ever meet anyone like that?" Seeing the dark eyes go even darker, Harry rushed to say, "You don't have to answer that, I was just wondering. You're really nice and you're also special, so I don't understand why you're alone." Harry looked down. "I know that's private and it's not any of my busi -" he stopped when Severus tilted his chin up to look at him.
~*~*~
"I've had my share of crushes," Severus admitted, gently cradling the side of Harry's face, frowning at the black eye. "But none of them really worked out." Severus paused and leaned back against the tree with a small sigh. He'd never really talked about this with anyone, but somehow he just felt comfortable sharing things with Harry. He was different; he never judged and he somehow always knew how to comfort him... He was special.
"There were only two major ones, really. I had a thing for Lucius for the longest time, but in case you hadn't already guessed, he's straight. It didn't help that I actually got to kiss him once during a game of truth or dare, but... Live and learn, I suppose. The only other person I ever seriously liked was a man named Andrew. He was, in all senses of the word, perfect, but..." Severus shrugged helplessly, "You can't pick who you love I guess."
Brushing a few more strands of hair behind Harry's ear, Severus frowned slightly at his bruised eye again. "You'll need to keep some ice on that tonight," he said with obvious concern.
~*~*~
He'd already guessed that Severus might have liked Lucius, and it was obvious that Mr. Malfoy didn't return that feeling. Severus seemed like he was over it completely, though he still missed the company of his old best friend. He wondered what could have went gone wrong with Andrew. Maybe he was *too* perfect?
Leaning into Severus' hand before the older man put it back on his waist to make sure he wouldn't fall, Harry shrugged Severus' concern off. "It's not that bad. I've never put ice on it one before, and they never really swelled out that much." The young man ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. He briefly thought about getting a haircut and just chopping it all off, but he figured he'd wait for his bangs to grow out enough that so he could put all his hair in a ponytail. Or he could use those bobby pins again. Harry shook his head, realizing his thoughts had completely trailed off.
He suddenly blushed when he realized the position they were in. He hadn't even realized… oh well, it didn't look like Severus minded. Though… maybe it just showed how unattractive Harry was, if another gay man didn't find him slightly attractive at all. Or he wasn't Snape's type. Lucius was blonde, handsome, and as tall as Severus, so it was a wonder what the others looked like. But Harry was still betting on the former. Then again, Severus *was* older. Maybe he just liked older men? Though Harry didn't feel like a child most of the time.
~*~*~
Severus saw Harry drifting back into his thoughts again although this time he couldn't quite place what might have been bothering him. Tapping him lightly on his side to get his attention, Severus tipped his head to one side and asked, "Are you going to be alright Harry? I can guarantee you'll probably have graduated before any of those students even see this school again; if they ever do. Dumbledore really shouldn't be so blind to the need to expel some students."
Realizing he was going off on a little rampage, Severus stopped himself and smiled a little sheepishly at Harry. "Sorry... I just get a little defensive about my good students, I guess. You, most of all, don't need anyone like them; you're so far above the other students."
~*~*~
Harry blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "No I'm not. It doesn't take much intelligence to sit in a desk and copy notes down. People always seem to stereotype people who are quiet as smart or just snobbish. I'm neither of those things. I just do my work instead of talking and putting it off." And the amount of loud noises in the classroom really didn't help with that. Though at least in Severus' class, the students weren't as loud because he actually stopped them from talking. Unlike the other professors who just let them shoot their mouths off the entire time without getting any work done.
"Am I going to be alright? How do you mean?" Pausing to think, Harry added, "I'll be alright when it comes to my work, but," he shrugged, "there's not much I can do about bullies."
~*~*~
Severus let out a small sighed and chuckled. "You are stubborn aren't you? I've spent almost the last two weeks in your company Harry; I know what you read and I've talked to you. You are much more intelligent than most of your classmates simply because you actually do your work and also because you love reading."
Severus sighed again before offering, “Well I could have them run out of town," but when he noticed Harry look at him incredulously he waved it off. "Fine. I won't do it if you're so against it, but they deserve it." At that particular moment the bell rang signaling the transition to the last half of the day.
Glancing over at the door Severus sighed and pulled them both to their feet. "I suppose we should get going now." He lead Harry inside and before they parted ways he said, "And next time please go to my room; it's freezing out here."
~*~*~
Harry smiled at Severus and left to go to his locker to get his books out for third and fourth period. Personally, he hadn't really noticed the cold. When he'd first run outside, he'd been too pained to really notice. His sobbing had kept him warm enough, or numb enough to the cold, though there wasn't much difference. When he'd calmed down, he'd had Severus basically wrapped around him, so it wasn't like he would feel any chill then.
Harry still didn't get why being able to read and doing work would make someone intelligent. But if Severus said he was intelligent, then he probably was. The man didn't lie.
Sitting down in his usual seat (the back of the class room, in the middle so he could see the board without having to look at an angle) Harry patiently waited for the bell to ring a second time, and for the rest of the students to arrive. Professor McGonagall was writing the note for the day on the board, so the raven haired teen took out his notebook and neatly copied it out.
He was done just a little after she was done writing, which was when the rest of the class finally decided to show up, five minutes after the second bell. Professor McGonagall gave them detention, and then moved on, telling the students to copy what was on the board in their notebooks. Since Harry was already done, he took out his novel and started to read. The class usually took a long time to complete copying, so it would be a while.
Eventually, the students finally finished, and McGonagall went on to explain what they were going to do while handing out the worksheet. The professor called him to the front to finish a mathematical word problem (his least favorite) that she had written out on the board. Hearing the whispers behind his back as he made him way up front, Harry gritted his teeth, willing himself to not listen. It looked like the professor would give out detentions for being late, but not for gossiping about a student. Even when she winced slightly at the use of the word, 'faggot'. Hmm… maybe she was uncomfortable with him being gay? Or she was just angry at her students. But then again, she would have gotten them all in trouble if she wanted to. He'd heard about Severus' rather bad mood, kicking out a bunch of kids until there was only a small handful left. Harry grinned slightly. He was hoping that professor Snape would somehow come whisking in and save him of spare him another seventy more hours spent in these 'children's' company. Of course it would never happen, but it didn't stop him from day-dreaming.
~*~*~
Severus' mood towards his students didn't improve during the next period. He kicked five students out during the first ten minutes of class. The fact that he was angry and not about to tolerate any gossip finally came across to his class, and they promptly shut up. Relieved at that much, Severus had them recite for the rest of the period, but he wasn't really listening as much as he should have been. He was thinking about Harry.
Funny how ever since Severus had laid eyes on him, he had set up camp in his mind without any sign of departure. 'Pleasantly annoying' were the only words for it. It wasn't like Harry was the type of person who was easy to forget. He had this kind of silent grace about him, especially his eyes. They weren't the eyes of a seventeen year old teen; they were the eyes of someone forced to grow up too quickly who, somehow, had survived and come out with a kind of inner strength they didn't even know they had.
Snapping out of his revive reverie as the bell rang yet again, Severus cursed himself for drifting off and grumbled the student's homework at them as they ran for the door. 'I really shouldn't pursue that line of thought any further,' Severus thought with an inward sigh as he got ready for the last class of the day; all the while telling himself his improvement in mood was because it was finely finally the end of a very long day and nothing else.
~*~*~
Harry smiled and tried not to skip to his next class. He'd already been made fun of in math class for getting the math problem wrong, even though no one else would have been able to do it either, not to mention the constant teasing he'd been overhearing[, delete] that, somehow, the teachers never heard.
That thought quickly dampened his spirits, causing him to walk in the brightly lit classroom with his head down as he shuffled toward the back of the class, his usual spot, of course. Harry sighed and leaned back in his chair. Taking out his notebook, he opened it up to a fresh page and took out his book of poems. Laying them neatly on the desk, Harry waited for the room to fill up. It was kind of sad that half the class always ended up late. You would think they'd learned the first time around.
Harry frowned and crossed his arms, shivering slightly. Damn heaters never did work in this school. Hunching over his desk so he could try to keep warm, Harry glanced up and caught the eyes of Severus. He gave a small smile and looked toward the door when it opened, letting in a flood of late students.
~*~*~
"If you can not get here on time, do not bother coming at all," Severus said while glaring with all his might at the late students who simple stared back at him, blinking occasionally. "Perhaps I am not making myself clear enough," Severus spat out, raising a cynical eyebrow towards his hairline. "Let me try to use terms you're more familiar with. Get out. Be gone. You are no longer welcome here. And furthermore, if you're late again, I have no qualms about throwing you out of my class permanently." Severus didn't yell, but the entire room seemed all but frostbitten at his icy way of telling off the students.
It took a few minutes for the students to leave, slightly shell-shocked. Apparently this was their first experience in real discipline. "Anyone else care to join them?" Severus hissed, sweeping a critical eye over his students. "No? Good. Let's get to work then." Walking over to the teacher's podium, Severus scanned the room once more before commanding, "Open your books to page 50 and, Mr. Malfoy, if you would please read the first poem."
As Draco's hopelessly haughty voice filled the air, Severus' eye met Harry's briefly with a look much softer then he ever gave to his other students. 'I'm glad I have *one* person who can read in here,' Severus thought to himself.
~*~*~
Harry tried not to chuckle as he watched the students get cut down to size. It was kind of funny how they just stood there, blinking owlishly. When they finally left, he caught the eye of Severus, who shared a small smirk with him before quickly continuing.
Harry rested his chin on his hand while listening to Malfoy butcher the poem. Shaking his head, he read the poem over, noticing that it was some sappy love poem. You'd think Malfoy would know about those kinds of poems, considering he wooed girls daily with that romantic crap.
When the blonde finally finished, Severus analyzed the poem, of which Harry made sure to write down notes. When the professor asked for volunteers to read the next poem, unsurprisingly Granger's hand shot up. Harry gave a small groan and, not wanting to hear yet again her painful monotone delivery, tentatively raised his hand. When Snape quickly picked him, the young man stifled the snicker, knowing that Severus hated listening to Granger and Malfoy's attempts at reading poetry.
Looking down at the next page, Harry took a breath, picturing just a solitary class room, him reading and Severus sitting in front of him, listening intently. Smiling softly, Harry recited.
"A Question - by T.G.
Almost three years of seasons have come and gone.
Each passing brings new and wonderful adventures.
Life with you is intoxicating, to say the least,
And yet it brings such grief and suffering.
Why?
Almost three years of months have come and gone.
Months spent in the constant whirlpool we call "us".
Life with you is intriguing, to say the least,
And yet I search for the climactic ending.
Why?
Almost three years of days have come and gone.
Nights we laid in each other's arms, exhausting the last of our strength
while making love.
Life with you is fulfilling, to say the least,
And yet I yearn for more...More.
Why?
Almost three years of you.
That is not enough.
I want an eternity with you, to say the least,
And yet the time seems so out of reach.
Why?
Why?
Life with you is...
All I desire."
Harry blushed when he finished the poem. They must have started the romantic section. He just *had* to pick now of all times to volunteer. It was a good poem though, very well written. From the small info at the bottom of the page, it looked like the girl was only a teen. Yes, very good writing indeed for someone that young. She must have been really happy to have her work published… Maybe he really should follow Severus' advice and try to get enough poems together so he could try publishing them. Surely, *someone* would take it. Harry wasn't that bad, he knew, but he was certainly no professional. Perhaps Severus would help him in correcting his poems to make them the best they could be.
Harry shook his head slightly, putting an end to his thoughts. He had to stop day-dreaming like that; he needed to focus on class. Especially when the older man was staring at him so strangely at the front of the room. Had he stuttered at all? He didn't remember… he was pretty sure he hadn't. He'd kept that image of just him and Severus being in the room, and he'd felt calm enough to read without any problems. So he knew it wasn't his stuttering. Maybe it was just the context of the poem? Maybe Severus hated romantic poems too. Although Harry did like romantic poems that were written well and weren't too sappy.
~*~*~
'He really does have a natural talent for this,' Severus thought to himself, musing over the excellent reading. He'd put so much emotion into reading it, something so many people either forgot, or couldn't master. It was a writer's equivalent to acting; something for which Harry obviously was meant for.
"Very good, Mr. Potter," Severus said in tone that made it sound like he was saying 'Harry' anyway; funny how words could be twisted around. That's probably why human beings were such damned infuriating creatures, always playing head games and the like. But not Harry. He was honest and kind when he'd known only lies and hatred most of his life; amazing really.
"Now," Severus said, continuing at last. "This poem centers around a very old concept; to love someone forever. Now some of you might believe in that and some of you might not, but the point is not believing in it or not, but the power that can be conveyed through that statement. Forever is a long time and, I hate to tell you, you can't say you've experienced it by surviving my class. The problem many poets face in writing these poems is trying to make it real; as in not cliché. That's something I want you all to try to stay away from in all the poems you write from this class. Speaking of which, your next one is due tomorrow, in case you forgot." A small groan rolled through the class, but Severus' glare stopped it midway.
The rest of the class moved on at much the same pace as before. A few people were improving slightly, and by improving that meant not dead to the world, but in general the class needed a lot of work. Eventually the bell did ring and all the students but Harry bolted for the door. Severus shook his head ruefully as they stampeded out. "One of these days I should start a betting ring as to who can get to the door fastest; they certainly have a lot of practice." Stretching, he glanced over at Harry with a small smile, "Ready to go?"
~*~*~
Harry smiled up at Severus. Putting all his stuff in his messenger bag, he walked towards the front of the class. "I don't know why they run out like that; they do it for all the other classes too. You'd think if they got out that fast, they'd actually be early instead of late." They shared a small smile over that it, before Harry stood by the door, waiting for Severus to gather his briefcase and jacket.
Walking through the crowded halls, Harry frowned and, turning his head towards Severus, he asked, "Are we supposed to write about a certain topic? We look like we're covering love poems now, so I was just wondering if we're supposed to write one."
~*~*~
Glancing over at Harry as they pushed their way out into the frigid, late autumn air, Severus replied, "You don't have to do any sort of poem. I think it works better when students have their pick. But if you want to write a love poem, then by all means do so. I'd certainly love to see how you write one."
They both quickly climbed into Severus' car and were soon headed back to the manor. "I'm glad this day's almost over. It doesn't matter how long the break is, I'm always exhausted the first day back." Severus continued to think as he drove, 'Funny. I haven't known him a month and... Somehow it feels so natural to have him here. It's like... He just fits.'
~*~*~
Hmm… it would be interesting to write a love poem. He'd never written one before. Never really felt the need to when he was in so much pain all the time, and love was only in his dreams. When he did dream instead of having a nightmare, that is.
Harry glanced over at Severus, smiling slightly, glad that he wasn't the only one that felt like that. "It isn't that bad. I used to feel exhausted every day because of lack of sleep, food, and just pain itself. Besides the whole gossip thing, it wasn't that bad, really," Harry shrugged. He'd only gotten punched in the eye twice today, and while the whole 'faggot' thing they kept taunting him about was new, at least he was going hom enow so he'd be able to relax. The only homework he had was that poem, so that wouldn't be too hard.
~*~*~
Severus reached over and lightly placed a hand on Harry's shoulder as he drove. He didn't want Harry to have to focus on the bad things anymore. They drove on in silence, the soft afternoon light filtering through the trees and giving the autumn forest a golden-like glow.
Eventually they pulled up into the driveway and no sooner had Severus stepped out of the car than Padfoot saw fit to charge at Severus, attempting to knock him over. Severus simply glared at him and ordered, "Off!" At that, Padfoot huffed indignantly and trotted around the car to greet Harry, albeit a bit more gently.
Severus just rolled his eyes and made his way for the door; Harry and Padfoot in close behind.
~*~*~
Harry sat at a well organized desk, bouncing the end of a pen against the flat surface. He was seated in Severus' sitting room, where he had gone right after finishing supper. The older man had joined him after a few minutes, and was now seated on the large tan couch, a thick novel in his hands. They'd talked about the school day, the books they were reading, and generally, they just talked in between bites. Though it did get silent after awhile when a subject was done, but it wasn't strained and neither had felt the urge to fill up that silence.
At the moment, Harry was trying to work on the poem that was due tomorrow. He wouldn't ask Severus for help since he didn't think that was fair to the other students who were currently writing their poems. But he was having trouble with starting. Snape had, of course, suggested a few ideas, but had quickly stopped when Harry told him to be quiet so he could work on his own and that he didn't need help because it wouldn't be fair. The older man had been surprised at that little outburst, but had eventually let it go, a small smile on his face.
The raven haired teen sighed and finally picked up his paper and pen. He wasn't really giving up, just waiting for inspiration to strike. He hated writing when he was forced to, so that's why he had been waiting for an idea to come to him, otherwise it just sounded forced. And it was easy to sound forced when writing poetry.
Walking by the couch, Harry placed a hand on Severus' shoulder, smiling down at him he said his farewell, "Good night." The man nodded and placed a larger hand on his own, before returning to his book. Harry smiled and went back to his own rooms.
Setting the pen and paper in front of the small lamp on the night stand, he slid out of his clothes [what did he do with them] and pulled on his silk emerald green boxers, smiling at the feel of them brushing against his skin. Completing his night-time routine, Harry walked towards his closet, setting out his clothes for the next day, and, shutting the light off, crawled into bed.
He was seconds away from falling into a deep sleep, when he was suddenly struck by an idea. Smiling, if a bit sleepily, he turned on the bedside lamp and, with the pen in hand and squinting down at the blank sheet, he began writing. Though the words were a bit fuzzy and not very neat without his contacts in, he'd just go back over it tomorrow.
"Shadow Walker
Darkness becomes him
Darkness smothers him.
Yet he controls the shadows;
he becomes one with them.
Nothing controls him,
nothing stops him.
Thought of as cruel
as though he has no heart.
But he has the biggest heart of all men,
his kindness towards those who are special to him
is like no others.
He's not sappy
he's not controlling
he's anything but cruel
and his sarcastic quips can make even the most indifferent of men laugh.
He is my darkness
I am his shadow."
Harry read the poem out loud to himself and smiled. It was perfect. Then he frowned slightly; was it cliché? Reading it over, he shook his head. It wasn't cliché. Severus had pointed out to him that if he read it over, he'd be able to tell if it wasn't true to the heart. The words he first put on paper were usually the right ones. Gut instinct and all that. Sighing, he put the poem back onto the small table and turned off the lamp. Getting comfortable again, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.
END PART 9