TITLE: "UNQUIET GHOSTS"

AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL

FANDOM: "Farscape"

PAIRING: JOHN/CHIANA

RATING: PG-13.

STATUS: New.

ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where.

FEEDBACK: Welcomed

SERIES/SEQUEL: SEQUEL to "WHAT LOVE CAN DO"

The usual disclaimers apply. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"UNQUIET GHOSTS"
A "Farscape" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL

He was so damn nervous it was driving him nuts. Chiana kept fidgetting with excitement at the prospect of seeing their friends on Moya again. Her head was spinning with anticipation but also tempered with pain. Not so much for her but for Crichton. Knowing Aeryn's death would haunt him for the rest of his life. Looking at him now she wondered whether she was being selfish
making him do this or whether he needed to face this in order to really heal. Whether she was being fair. She would never knowingly do anything to hurt him. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

His head came up, eyes locking on to hers. Reading her right down to her soul. "S'al-right, C..Chi... I w..want to go. S...see ev'y one."

She smiled and kissed him, her lips lingering on his. He was always so brave. So giving. His hand came up to cradle her face so he could look deep into her eyes. Reassure her. Always the thoughtful one. "C..can't run. C..can't hide."

Tears pricked her eyes and she hugged him close to her heart. She loved him so much. Hurt for him, knowing this was going to be his hardest test yet. It was like a watershed. If he could get through this... She hoped the presence of the children would help. Longed to see how their
friends reacted to Kari and Jack. Hoped the children had not wrecked Moya in the meantime. She had missed them so much. Zhaan would help. Rygel, well Rygel would pretend to hate it all, probably grouse and make himself a pain in the eema over the noise the children made but secretly she knew he would love every microt of it. She wondered about D'Argo, how it would feel to see him again but felt strong enough to do this. Crichton was not the only one who
needed to lay a few ghosts to rest. Chiana smiled to herself. It would be so good to set foot on Moya again, to see Pilot and to just feel the pulse of the living ship cradle them once more in the cold darkness of space. Even though they had made their home planetside, it was only Moya that had ever felt like a real home to her. Until she had made her life with Crichton. Now her world was wherever he was. She shook herself mentally. Time to go.

Nerri had hired a transport to take them to Moya. He had picked one for transporting people not cargo, and made sure a number of *luxury* items were on board as well. Chiana could have handled the craft with consumate ease but Crichton wanted Nerri to go with them. Nerri hesitated. He had so many things awaiting his attention. Too much to do to wet nurse a nervous ex-astronaut being reunited with friends he had not seen in five cycles. He saw the silent plea in Crichton's eyes. For some reason he wanted Nerri with him. The Nebari realised he had become comfortable with him. Trusted his judgement. Trusted *him*. He wondered why the human was so nervous but found he did not have it in his heart to stamp out that light in his eyes by asking. Could not turn his back on the trust that had been given so freely and come to mean so much to him. A trust that shone so bright it put the spotlight on him. Something he had always avoided from cycles spent working deep within the Nebari Resistance. It felt strange to be able to stand in
the sun, let the light of the universe fall upon him and leave the shadows of his old life behind him. After a few microts of silence he nodded. It was almost worth it just to see the tension fall from Crichton, the smile of a happy man wiping away years of pain. Of unspeakable burdens. Amazing. One tiny concession and the human had become a different man. Happy. Confident.
Assured. Would the man ever cease to surprise him? Too moved to speak, he frelling well hoped not.

Crichton was not the only one who was nervous. As the transport approached Moya, D'Argo found himself pacing. Rygel was silent, his eyes like luminous moonstones somehow reflecting a deeper sadness. He was shaken out of his reverie literally by Jack swinging on his thronesled
almost tipping him out. He cleared his throat heavily, hoping to put enough gravitas into his voice to deter the young half-human half-Nebari to desist from an action that would have dire consequences. Jack grinned at him. "Hey, Ryge, come on! Why so frelling solemn? Who died?"

Rygel swallowed hard and tried to hide how the innocent words struck a deep chord inside him. It could have been his father speaking. At that moment he was saved from answering by Kari. She was singing something in Nebari that made no sense. Rygel frowned. He could speak some
Nebari but the words were all mangled up. "What the yotz is that frelling noise?"

Jack laughed. Such a happy child. "Kari thinks she can *sing*."

"Harrumph!" Said Rygel in his most imperious unimpressed tone. "She sounds like a Tronkon shrill singer to me!"

Kari clapped her hands in glee. "Thank you, Uncle Rygel!"

The Hynerian frowned at her. D'Argo was not sure whether it was because she had called him Uncle or because of the back handed compliment. He had to work to keep the smile off his face.

"It was *not* a compliment." Clarified the Dominar huffily.

Seeing Kari's face drop in disappointment he hurried on.

"There are no compliments fine enough to describe your...ah...singing."

Jack's grin grew wider, recognising that the Dominar was trying to spare his sister's feelings. Kari, however, thought he meant it and threw her arms around him to hug him. Alarmed, Rygel waved his small arms and made a face. "Get your sister off me!"

Jack laughed then tugged her away from Rygel. The look they exchanged was one of complete understanding. It was unnerving to Rygel how like his father he was. So wise, so gentle, so understanding. So frelling *Crichton*. He might look Nebari but his eyes were human. Then the moment was gone. The transport had landed and he found himself looking forward to seeing Chiana and Crichton again. Chiana bounded out first, unable to hold back her excitement. Jack and Kari raced over to her and clamoured for her attention. Rygel watched in silence, amused and happy to see the Nebari settled down. Then he saw Crichton. The human was limping. His left leg
dragging slightly as he walked. Beside him was Chiana's brother Nerri. Apart from his obvious infirmity he looked surprisingly healthy. Good. Happy even. The Dominar found himself lost for words, emotions stirring that had slept for so long he hardly recognised them when they surfaced
and robbed him of breath.

The others were too busy all talking at once to notice. Hugging Chiana and Crichton, bombarding them with a thousand questions. It was Crichton who noticed his difficulty. He spoke to D'Argo but his eyes were on the Dominar. "D...D'Argo."

"Yes, John?"

"R...Rygel..."

D'Argo looked at Rygel, noticed he had his mouth open, eyes wide as he tried to take in air that simply failed to circulate.

"H...help...him."

D'Argo nodded, remembering the last time the Dominar had suffered a case of the intons. He stepped behind the thronesled and slipped his huge arms around the Hynerian and started to squeeze him.

"G...g...gent..ly, D."

Nodding to show he understood, D'Argo gently crushed Rygel until with a rush he had brought him out of it. When the Hynerian could breathe again D'Argo immediately released him to find Crichton grinning at him.

"M...missed me...B...Buck...w...wheat?"

He nodded. "As bartantic as it sounds, John, I did. The silence was wonderful!"

Chiana clouted him, a light cuff that was more affection that irritation. "Hey admit it, life around here was dull without us."

For a moment something stirred in the Dominar's eyes like a deep pain. He covered it up quickly but not before Crichton had seen it. Frell the human for being so sharp. Whatever else had happened to Crichton it had not dulled his wits. They engaged in banter, catching up on news but
Crichton kept looking up every few microts. His son noticed. "Dad-da, what is it?"

He smiled at Jack. "N..nothing, Jack."

Jack smiled. His father was stuttering less now. It made him happy but he sensed something was disturbing his father. "You look sad."

"M...Memories."

D'Argo had Kari riding on his shoulders. Chiana teasing him and sharing some joke which Kari thought was hilarious. Crichton laughed lightly, so happy to see them interacting but puzzled. He turned his head to see Rygel watching him. "W...where is she?"

For one terrible microt he thought he meant Aeryn.

"Z...Zhaan? Where is s..she?"

His relief was marginal. Pain sparked deep in his eyes. "Zhaan is dead, John."

Immediately the laughter in the room fell away. Chiana put a hand over her mouth, bright tears threatening. Crichton felt his heart miss a beat. He had known the microt he set foot on Moya that something was not right but his friends had kept he and Chiana so occupied he had not had time to think what it could be. His heart ached so deep. The pain red and raw. "W....when?"

"Nearly five cycles ago."

Crichton's eyes widened. The timing not lost on him. "What ha..happened?"

Rygel took a breath. D'Argo did not say anything. Typical. When he needed him the Luxan was of no use at all. But Rygel did not blame him. He was finding it hard to tell Crichton what had happened. Especially as not all of it would be the truth. "She contracted an illness. Something
so invasive that before we could find a cure it had already broken down most of her systems." He paused. "You should have seen Stark. If you thought he was mad before it was nothing compared to his madness and grief after Zhaan's death."

A tear slid down Crichton's cheek. He son held his father's hand. "W...where...is Stark?"

"No one knows. He stayed with us for a while but he was getting more and more irrational. Talking to the air, ranting and raving about Zhaan all the time. Refusing to eat. In the end we could do nothing for him."

Chiana came and stood next to Rygel, her eyes shining with tears. Nerri put a hand on her shoulder in mute comfort. "Where did he go, Ryge?"

"I don't know. One day he just....left."

<And no one followed him> Thought Crichton sadly. <No one checked to see if he was alright. Just relieved he was gone. Was that how they had felt when he had left with Chiana? Was it a relief for them too?>

For a few microts no one spoke. It was D'Argo who broke the silence. Kari was now cradled in his arms, fighting to keep her eyes open. "The children are tired. Rest here tonight."

Crichton looked at Chiana. She touched his face gently, her look telling him they should agree. He looked at D'Argo. "Sure, Big D. We'll st..stay."

The Luxan nodded but there was no humour. Everybody was much subdued, as if Zhaan's ghost blew cold along the corridors of Moya, her beautiful sanguine presence an aching burden of the heart each felt with every step. D'Argo put a hand on Crichton and Chiana's shoulders. "Come. We have prepared a room for you."

"D...D'Argo."

"Yes, John?"

"I w...want to see my old r..room."

Was he imagining it or did the Luxan hesitate? Slowly he nodded. "If you wish. I will come with you."

He shook his head. "N...no. Show Pip our room. I'll join you l..later."

Chiana stroked his cheek gently. Knowing he needed to do this and loving him enough to give him the space. He kissed her and gave her a sad smile. It broke her heart to see it. "Hey. Don't be late, 'kay?"

His smile widened briefly. He brushed her lips with his and whispered something in her ear which made her chuckle lightly then he looked at Jack. "G...go with your m..mother."

Jack nodded and Crichton watched as D'Argo, Chiana and the children left to go to their temporary quarters for the night. He wondered what tier they would be on. Nerri watched in silence, seeing far more than even Crichton realised. The human turned to the Dominar for a microt. "Ryge. W...what happened? To Zhaan?"

"I told you. She died."

There was a tense microt in which Rygel had the distinct feeling that the human did not believe him.

"She *is* dead." He repeated softly. "I wish it were not so. We have had our disagreements and I have not always been as respectful to her as I should have been." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "But I always respected her and in the end I would have given anything to change things. To save her. But it was too late. We found a suitable planet too late for it to help her..."

His voice trailed off painfully. Crichton put a hand on his friend's shoulder. Sorry to have caused him pain. Not able to say a word for emotion. He gave Rygel a short nod and began to head out into the corridor. Nerri fell into step beside him. "There is much sorrow aboard this ship." He said softly in Nebari.

"Ev'y body loved Zhaan." Said John softly.

Nerri did not correct him. They walked in silence to his old cell. Nerri curious, Crichton becoming more withdrawn. His footsteps slowed as he reached the converted cell. It *looked* the same. Or pretty much as he had left it. He stepped in through the doorway and just stood there for a few microts. Nerri stood just outside and watched him. Not wanting to intrude on his privacy but not wanting to leave him either. Chiana had told him many things about John Crichton. He watched the human walk slow around the little converted cell, his hands outstretched, gently brushing his fingers over surfaces, drinking in the textures of a past life. Then he stopped, his back to the door but strangely rigid. Nerri almost stepped through the doorway to see if he was alright. He paused and watched. Waited to see if he was needed. Then he heard something, so soft he had to strain to pick up the sounds. Without turning Crichton spoke to him. His voice very soft, very gentle. The words more slurred than stuttered.

"I n...need to be a..lone, Nerri."

"Are you sure that is wise?"

An odd little muffled sound. Not laughter but not quite tears. Perhaps a combination? Still the human kept his back to him. "I'll be f..fine." A pause. "Please..."

That tiny plea caught at Nerri's heart. Now he knew Crichton was upset but he also recognised that whatever the cause he needed to handle it in his own way. He nodded even though the human could not see it. "If you need me tell Pilot and I will come to you, John. Whatever the arn."

Crichton nodded but did not trust himself to speak. He listened to his brother in law's quiet steps retreating back down the corridor and closed his eyes. Tears ran down his face. It was Aeryn. Her scent was everywhere. So thick he could taste it. Taste her. He reached out to touch one of
the walls and it was like touching her skin. He inhaled and it was her breath that inflated his lungs. Aeryn. <Oh God, I never thought it would be this bad> His legs felt suddenly weak and he folded down beside the bed, sitting on the floor, not caring that sobs were wracking through him so hard that it was difficult to catch his breath. <Oh Aeryn, how the hezmana am I going to get through this without you? How can I hurt Chiana by telling her? I thought I was strong but I'm not, I'm weak. So frelling weak when it comes to loving you....>

Rygel had not meant to spy on Crichton but he was worried about him. After Nerri left he carefully eased out of his room and approached the human's cell. What he saw shook him. Now, hearing the human crying softly, heart breaking, the Dominar felt his own heart cracking. This was wrong. He should be told. But if he told Crichton what would happen to Chiana? The
children? Could he ruin three lives to save two? Did he even have the right to make such a choice? He sighed softly. He did not know. Quietly he turned away from Crichton's cell and went back to his room, closing the door and opening a link to Pilot. Quietly he asked Pilot to send a DRD to watch over Crichton. He did not tell him why and Pilot did not ask.

* * * * *
end