TITLE: "KILLING HIM SOFTLY"

AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL

FANDOM: "Farscape"

PAIRING: JOHN/D'ARGO

RATING: NC-17. M/M. *SLASH*

STATUS: New.

ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where.

FEEDBACK: Welcomed

The usual disclaimers apply. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"KILLING HIM SOFTLY"
A "Farscape" slash story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
* * * * *

Aeryn was not sure what to do or say so she did and said nothing. Lost in her own thoughts she did not notice Zhaan watching her as she headed towards her own quarters in a daze. When she got there she stood for several microts, trying to work out not only what she had witnessed but how she felt about it. The shock had worn off leaving her numb. She wished she could talk to Crichton then found herself flushing, suddenly glad she could not.

Zhaan knew something was going on. Life aboard Moya seemed to be getting more and more complicated. She gave a little shake of her head and decided it was none of her business, but she would keep a sharp lookout just to be on the safe side.

* * * * *

It was weird. He felt as if all his bones had turned to jelly, the Luxan's rough leathery hands moving so gently across his skin he could feel the friction of his rough fingers drinking him in with every light stroke feathering his epidermis. D'Argo had prepared him for deep penetration, kissed him deeply so that he could coat the inside of his mouth with a mix of secretions to raise his libedo and numb any pain he might cause in his excitement. So far he had been very careful, not wishing to ruin his prize, to scare the human off. It had become very important to him that he not lose him. He loved Chiana but Crichton was something else. Crichton he adored. Like a drug he was getting more and more addicted to him. The way he moved, every look that graced his gentle face, every sigh, every subtle change in his scent simply drove D'Argo crazier and crazier. He had never had such strong feelings for another male before. Had never understood his father's passion for his sword brothers though it was an accepted part of a Luxan warrior's life. Women were for comfort and birthing, companionship and pleasure. Men were for the darker passions, that ones that tore down the soul and rebuilt it cell by frelling cell. The thought made him shudder with the delight of anticipation, causing Crichton to jerk and moan softly, his eyes closed, the Luxan buried deep inside him. When human males ejaculated the act of coming emptied them of passion and the engorged shaft would begin to deflate, its' duty done. Not so a Luxan. The penis remained hard, was capable of thickening out and providing a variety of deeply erotic sensations aimed at arousing the Luxan's partner without having to excite them all over again. A Luxan could keep coming all the solar night if he so chose.

The thought of all the things he wanted to do to Crichton caused his penis to twitch deep inside him. The human shuddered again in reaction, ripples of excitement coursing through his sensitised body like electricity and making D'Argo smile, his hands running down his naked body with a joy so deep he could drown in it. He let him drift off to sleep with his penis still inside him, cradling him and caressing him slowly while he encouraged Crichton to give himself up to dreams the Luxan now controlled. His skillfull hands describing a heaven he could never have invented even in his wildest dreams. D'Argo took him again as he slept, riding the waves of his sleeping passion, filling him again and again while he played and explored to his hearts' content. The human was so relaxed, it was truly beautiful. D'Argo sighed and parted the sleeping lips, easing his tongue gently inside, tasting his limp tongue, washing the inside of his mouth and gums, sliding over his teeth and coating him with more of his secretions. Gently working them into his tongue and chuckling with pleasure as the human roused slowly as if in a drunken stupour. He was in the half waking state that made him the most pliant of all while allowing the human to feel everything he did to him with an intensity that would normally have blown him right over the edge. D'Argo was in control and that simple fact gave Crichton a certain buffer allowing him to withstand the strength of D'Argo's incredibly erotic and fierce passion.

The Luxan watched the blue eyes flicker open, the haziness trying to focus on him but unable to remain steady. Little broken sounds that had once been words leaking out of a slack mouth. D'Argo kissed him gently, breathing for him when his touch became too much for him to endure and draw breath. The Luxan loved being inside him, closed his eyes as he kissed him, his lips sucking on his beautiful mouth, his hands cupping the face towards him, his mivonks going crazy and flooding him with secretions as he began to move deep inside him. The human groaned, the head of D'Argo penis much thicker than his own, inflated by the Luxan's desire to completely fill him, the sides vibrating gently as D'Argo thrummed the blood up through the little pockets of veins threaded throughout his shaft and causing a deep hot rippling effect as if his sex were riding Crichton inside out. The reaction was highly satisfying, the human stretching and writhing up against the insistent throb of his sex as he shook gently. The head pushed and rubbed against
his prostrate eliciting tiny little cries milked from dreams that made his cock leak as he slept. Rousing in sleep but not quite awake, surfacing only to gasp as he came, lost in a passion and lust that manipulated him on every level he could feel and sense.

At last D'Argo began to tire and allowed the human to truly rest for the first time thirty arns. Gently he carried him to his bed and left him with a brief kiss, returning shortly afterward with some medication. Carefully he parted his legs and plied the cream inside him, gently inserting his tongue to get right inside and cover him with the healing balm. He was not bleeding but he would be extremely sore. D'Argo had not been able to abate his passion and humans did not have the stamina or the drive to make love in this fashion or for so long. When he had finished he looked at him for a few microts, his eyes gentle and filled with love. His body singing with a deep quiet contentment. It was time for him to return to Chiana, to leave Crichton to absorb his change in status and accept that this was simply the way things would be now. He would have to explain it to Chiana but not just now. There would be plenty of time for everybody to adjust. He stroked the damp hair and gently kissed him, having to use restraint not to start loving him all over again. He could feel his strength returning but Crichton was totally exhausted. He chuckled then breathed a last kiss upon the sleeping lips of his beautiful adonis. "Thank you, John."

He covered him and glanced around his cell to make sure everything was tidy then left him to sleep. Happy to have made him his rakazza in more than just name.

* * * * *

Aeryn did not know what to do, where to go, how to act or feel. Unsurprisingly she found herself in Pilot's chamber. He did not seem surprised to see her. A kind of peace stole over her frayed senses, a blanket of loving calm wrapping round the puzzled anguish of her soul. Stars shone in eyes bright with unshed tears. Was she happy, sad? Pilot left her to her silence and continued his tasks but part of his attention was on Aeryn, waiting for her to ask of him what she willed. Ready to help in any way he could. His silence strengthened her in ways she could not even begin to describe still less understand.

"Pilot?"

"Yes, Aeryn."

"Have you noticed any changes in John and D'Argo?"

His hands paused on Moya's controls. "In what way?"

"*Any* way."

He took that in, sensed hidden meaning woven in a labyrinth behind her words. He was cautious, feeling his way in an attempt to give her what she asked for without causing pain or distress. "D'Argo has become a father. He is naturally in a state of euphoria."

"And John?"

He hesitated a fraction of a microt but Aeryn noticed. "I sense confusion in him."

"Confusion?"

"Yes."

Aeryn sat on his console. "Explain, Pilot. I want to understand what is happening."

He tilted his clamshell head at her. "I am not sure I understand it myself."

"I saw him with D'Argo..."

Pilot nodded. "In the shower?"

She nodded dislodging a tear. Pilot watched fascinated as the sparkling gem slid down her cheek.

"Pilot?"

He realised she was waiting for an answer. An explanation. Words of wisdom to heal something that she had not realised was broken. He was more than her friend. He was part of her soul. Her conscience. A mentor. He owed it to her to be honest. Aeryn raised her head and looked at him. Realised he was not sure how to answer her. Her voice dropped, soft and quiet, as if afraid to drag the words into the light for fear of what they might reveal. "You know, don't you?"

The sadness in his eyes told all.

"Were you watching?"

Pilot dipped his head. "I did not mean to pry but the DRDs are protective towards John, and they alerted me to strange changes they could not explain."

"Changes? What kind of changes?"

"In his personality." Pilot paused, searching for the right words. He raised his head and dared to look directly at Aeryn. "John loves you, Aeryn. This I know as accurately as I know everything that happens to Moya."

"And D'Argo?"

He swung his head gently from side to side, an action that could have meant indecisiveness or grief. Perhaps it was a mingling of both? "John loves us all, Aeryn, in his own very human way."

"I know Pilot but that's not an answer."

"D'Argo knows this too."

She frowned. "What are you trying to say?"

"I do not think D'Argo is being honest with John."

There was a long angst-ridden pause. "I saw them, Pilot. They were so wrapped up in each other... D'Argo wasn't forcing him to do anything that I could see."

"That is not what I meant, Aeryn." Pilot paused. "Remember that D'Argo is a Luxan."

"I know, and John is just a human."

Pilot shook his head firmly. "Not *just* a human."

Aeryn realised something in that microt. Realised that in his own quiet self-sacrificing way Pilot was as protective of Crichton as the DRDs and Moya. Oddly enough it made her feel better though she could not have said why. "Then what did I see?"

"You saw a Luxan manipulating another species."

Shock then horror stole over her face. "What?"

"I do not say D'Argo does not love him, he does. But Luxan warriors have many lusts and love is another more complicated kind."

"Complicated? How?"

"Love to a Luxan is not what it is to a Sebacean or a Delvian, or a Nebari. Or," He paused. "A leviathan for that matter."

"D'Argo loves Chiana."

"Yes. It is one of the best choices he has made."

That almost made Aeryn smile. "What about John? What is *that* all about?"

"Possession."

"Pilot, you are going to have to give me more than a word at a time."

"I am sorry Aeryn Sun, but this is hard for me to express."

"Why?"

"Because it is an intimacy that I have not been invited to embrace. For your sake I do so but I still feel uncomfortable talking about John and D'Argo when they are not present."

"You want me to go and get them?"

Pilot looked alarmed, eyes widening in shock. "No! That would be a catastrophe!"

Aeryn nodded. A grim smile on her lips. "Neither do I. While we are talking about intimate things, Pilot, how come you know so much about Luxans?"

Pilot actually looked embarrassed. "I...I looked it up."

"Why would you do that?"

He just looked at her and she realised he had done it because he was worried about Crichton. The thought made her take another breath to steady her. "Okay, Pilot, but now you're going to tell me. Tell me everything you think about this and don't consider holding out on me. This could be more important than you think."

* * * * *

Chiana stirred as D'Argo carefully slid into bed and nuzzled up to her. A sleepy eye opened and came immediately awake at his presence. He kissed her cheek and started to slide an arm around her waist. The baby slept in the cradle he had made with his own two hands. His shilquen leaning against the wall next to it.

"Where have you been?"

He smiled at her. "With John."

"D'Argo, you've been gone over a solar day. I was getting worried."

He chuckled and kissed her, a sigh of deep content rumbling out of him as his hands continued to roam soothing her as he spoke. "I needed to explain some things to him."

"What things?"

"His duties for one."

That got her attention. Chiana sat up. D'Argo swallowed a sigh and sat up with her, his arms embracing her so that she would not get cold. Chiana did not seem to notice. "What do you mean, his duties?"

"John is a rakazza, Chiana. Second Father. It means that if anything were to happen to me it would be his duty to watch over our son Rion and to look after you. To provide for all your needs and protect you both from harm."

For a moment she just looked at him in disbelief. "You are kidding, D'Argo, right?"

He shook his head, completely serious. He waited for her response.

"I don't want anyone to replace you, D'Argo."

"That is not the purpose of the rakazza, Chiana. I had not meant to explain it to you now, in the middle of the sleep cycle, but perhaps it is best."

"Yeah, tell me now. What sort of duties are we talking about?"

"Well," Said D'Argo indulgently, his voice becoming soft and loving. "He would watch over our son, teach him all the things that would help make him strong. Give him advice. Teach him about his heritage...."

"John is not a Luxan, D'Argo."

"I know, Chiana, which is why he will be able to teach him about my people *and* yours as well as his own."

That surprised her. "His own?"

"Oh yes," Chuckled D'Argo, kissing her puzzled brow. "I want Rion to know about John's people too. I also want John to watch over you, protect you, comfort you..."

"Comfort me? How?"

He swallowed. How did he say this? Chiana watched him closely, starting to get amused at his discomfort.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Um, what do you think I'm saying?"

"That he's supposed to....you know?" Chiana slid her body against his crotch, her eyes flicking in a suggestive fashion that increased the heat beneath the covers dramatically.

"Yes. If that is what is required."

The Nebari flung back her head and laughed outright. D'Argo frowned, anger starting to rise. "It is *not* funny, Chiana!"

"Yeah, D'Argo, it is. You are so *ancient*! You think you can just choose who I would want to be with if something happened to you?"

He frowned. "John is rakazza."

"By Luxan tradition maybe but what about Nebari?"

"What about Nebari? I thought you would be pleased. You have always had great affection for him."

"I still do, D'Argo, but that's not the point. This is something you should have discussed with me not gone ahead and done on your own."

"Am I not a Luxan warrior? Not master in my own home?"

Chiana sighed. "You don't understand. I like John, okay so I even love him, perhaps I always have but it's not that. People should have a choice about things not just take on roles because that's the way Luxans do things. *We* are not Luxan, D'Argo, and while I want to follow many of your traditions I don't want to become a Luxan wife. I want to be *your* wife."

"And so you shall."

"But it will mean the same thing to you anyway, won't it?" She asked with her head tilted at an angle, her eyes seeing more than D'Argo wanted her to see. Understanding on a level that at times unnerved him.

"Do not worry. I have explained it to him."

"What did he say?"

He drew her closer, kissed her again, breathed his warmth upon her cooling skin, a finger tracing its way from her collarbone towards a fiery nipple. "He agreed."

She tilted her head the other way. "This took over a solar day?"

He smiled at her. An almost mischievous smile that she found intriguing. She had never seen that particular look on his face before and she thought she had seen them all. "Yes. The preliminary stages are complete now."

"Preliminary stages?"

"Yes." He grinned. Wanted to say to her *John is mine now*. But first he wanted to acclimatise her to a new way of thinking. Wanted her to accept that his way was the best way, the only way to continue. The protected circle of his new family had taken in another member and whether Chiana understood it or not, nothing would ever be the same again. Even their son Rion knew it. Gravitated towards the human and drew comfort from his presence. He could not begin to describe to Chiana how much that turned him on. Wrapping his arms tightly around her the Luxan slid down in the bed drawing her down with him, his tongue flicking out to slide down between the valley of her breasts, his hands pinching her nipples as he maneouvred her into position on top of him. She squirmed to get comfortable and to excite him. All thoughts of John Crichton momentarily forgotten.

* * * * *

Zhaan listened to everything Aeryn had to say. Once it was all out, the Sebacean seemed to both relax and deflate a little but the worry in her dark eyes did not go away. They were in the apothecary. Zhaan put down the glass phial she had been working with and did not question anything Aeryn had said. She nodded slowly, her expression grave but serene. "I will speak to John."

"How could D'Argo do this to him?"

She sighed slightly. "We do not know that D'Argo did anything to John."

"I saw them in the shower."

"Yes, and you saw an equal participation did you not?"

Aeryn glared at her then nodded reluctantly. Zhaan was right. She hated it when that happened. This time though Zhaan did not gloat. If she did not know better she would have said the Delvian was as worried as she was. Zhaan gently touched her arm. "Try to get some sleep, Aeryn. Leave this to me."

She nodded and left. Zhaan stared after her for a few microts then offered up a prayer to the Goddess. Picking up her shawl, she draped it graciously around her shoulders and walked over to Crichton's converted cell. The human lay flat on his back in the throes of a deep but not dreamless sleep. His head tossed on the bed, his limbs akimbo, the covers strewn on the floor. He was naked, his skin glistening with sweat, his quarters filled with his scent. Heavier than usual. Zhaan tried not to think about why that was. She knelt beside his bed and watched him for a few microts, not wanting to wake him but needing to end this if she could. Her touch on his brow was cool. Somehow it penetrated his twilit world, his body aching and longing only to be allowed to rest. Words stumbled from his lips. "No, D'Argo... gotta sleep..."

Zhaan bit her lip. Worse than she thought. She leaned in close and shook him. "John! Wake up!"

He mumbled something incomprehensible and she shook him again. Harder this time. "John! It's me, Zhaan. I need to talk to you."

He roused reluctantly. His eyes bloodshot and heavy from lack of sleep, dark circles under his eyes. "Yeah Zhaan, what's wrong?"

She was looking anxiously at him. Her hand touched his cheek as if taking his temperature by touch alone. He frowned slightly at the look on her face. "John, what is going on with you and D'Argo?"

Warning bells rang in his head. How had Zhaan found out about that? "Um, I um, it seems I'm a rakazza. A Second Father to the baby. Rion."

She helped him sit up. Neither of them noticing or bothering about the fact that he was naked. Zhaan sat on the bed next to him. "Tell me about it."

"Um, as I understand it from D'Argo, if anything happens to him I have to look after the baby and Chiana. Protect them, provide for them, that sort of thing."

"A noble idea."

He tried to work out what she was thinking. "You don't approve?"

"It is not for me to approve or disapprove, John. I am not here to lead your life for you."

That silenced him. Zhaan watched the shadows in his eyes, the loss of innocence as painful to her as a physical wound. "What is happening between you and D'Argo, John?" She asked softly.

"You know about that?"

"Tell me. Do you love him?"

He was confused. "I care for him, Zhaan. I care for you all."

She nodded.

"I don't know what I feel for D'Argo. I guess I love him but it's like a brother, a friend..."

"A lover?" She asked quietly.

He flushed. Now she put it in that framework he was not so sure. "He does things to me Zhaan, excites me in ways I have no control over."

"Do you like that? Do you seek this from him?"

"Uh, I guess I like it when he does it, but it's not something I *want* him to do." He ran an anxious hand through his hair. He looked like dren. "I don't know how the hell I feel, Zhaan. I want to be with him when I'm with him, want to let him do the things he does, even join in myself, but afterwards - when I stop and think about it, run the images through my mind..." He broke off and looked seriously at her. His expression haunted and guilty at the same time. Not about what they had done but the fact that he was not sure he wanted to do it, yet he had let it continue instead of telling D'Argo. Why in hezmana had he done that? He was not being fair.

Zhaan cradled his left cheek in her beringed hand. Her look so gentle it drew tears from his eyes. She loved him so much, had shared so much of her soul with him. She understood the tangle of thoughts that made knots of his emotions, strangling his heart. "John. You have been making love?"

He nodded, unable to speak. She gently stroked the tears from his face, her eyes telling him everything was going to be alright. That she would never hurt him. Never judge him and find him wanting. Her support underpinned his lost reason and gave him back a flicker of hope. Of redemption. "You have done nothing wrong."

He shook his head, spilling tears like raindrops. Once free of his eyes no more tears fell. A rising steel closed off the ducts that would weep no more. "I have, Zhaan. I have done a terrible thing. I let D'Argo think it was alright, that I loved him as much as he loves me. That I want this, that I will do this with him. And then there's Aeryn..." His voice broke.

Zhaan cradled his head in her two hands, her forehead dipping until their foreheads touched. Silent communion, mutual comfort. Her calm washing through him and stabilising him. If he could he would have stayed in her calm waters forever but he was no coward and knew it would not solve anything. His sigh tore at her heart.

"What do I do, Zhaan?" He asked in a small voice.

Her thumb stroked his cheek. "You have to give him up, John."

"Why?"

"Humans are not like Luxans. So far he has been gentle with you."

"What are you saying, Zhaan? We've already made love what more could there be?"

Zhaan pulled away slightly so she could look into his eyes. "Luxans have many levels of foreplay, John. Each one more intense than the last."

He tried to stifle a laugh. "Foreplay? Is that what you call it? I call it the real deal, the real McCoy. We are not talking kindergarten here."

"These are the prelude stages. Titilation. Slow penetration. Pleasuring each other."

"What else is there?"

She paused, watching for his reaction as she put him in the picture. "Luxans play rough John, they also do not play fair. Those secretions have only one purpose."

` He nodded, "To improve the sex."

"No, John. To keep you compliant."

For a long time he just looked at her. Not wanting to believe what she was saying. "D'Argo wouldn't do that to me Zhaan, he's my friend."

She sounded sad. "Not any more. Now he's your lover, you are effectively his concubine. There for one purpose and one purpose only."

His heart felt hollow. Every fragment of joy draining out of it. He might not have sought out this relationship with the Luxan but he had at least believed it to be based on love. The idea that D'Argo was manipulating him for his own pleasure was not a welcome thought. His gut tightened to hold back the anger. It could not be true. "I don't believe you, Zhaan."

Zhaan knew he did believe. Could see it in his face but if he wanted to block out the truth she would have to get him to unlock it and face it. "Very well, John. Since D'Argo declared you rekazza how many times have you talked to him?"

He looked surprised. "Talked? We talk all the time."

"Not that kind of talk, John, but the deeper philosophical subjects."

He thought about that. Could not remember the last time they had engaged in an indepth conversation about anything. He gave Zhaan a sober look. Wary. "What's your point, Zhaan?"

"You have to get out of this relationship while you still can."

"What do you mean?"

Zhaan sighed, suddenly showing the worry she had been hiding from him. "Get out John, before D'Argo kills you."

He paled at her reluctant words. Too stunned to respond.

"He won't mean to of course and your death would devastate him for many cycles if not the rest of his life, but he would not be able to stop himself. That is why *you* have to."

* * * * *
END