Feedback: Yes, please! Although flames will be dealt with by my Dragon...
Rating: yet again, let's be safe and say PG-13. There's a little bit of bad language.
Archiving: Anywhere, just let me know. <G> I've already mailed Laura, Browny, and TGUT copies along w/ all the lists.
Spoilers: Minor, minor ones for "DNA Mad Scientist" and "Exodus From Genesis" I think that's it, and they're only passing references.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters...I *so* wish I did, but nope. Credit goes to Sci-Fi Channel, Hallmark Entertainment, and the Jim Henson Company.
Summary: An explosion leaves John presumed dead and Aeryn balancing on the edge of sanity.
Time line: It's over a year into the future. Two things. One: in this reality, Jeremiah Crichton NEVER HAPPENED! Two: yes, Moya's *still* pregnant. I see it like this. If whales have over a year for gestation time, and a leviathan is *much* larger than a whale, then she's *gonna* be pregnant for awhile. D'Argo's just gonna have to learn how to deal. (heeheehee)
Author's Note: Ok, I'm gonna ramble a little bit here... <G> This story needs a little bit of an explanation. Right after watching Jeremiah Crichton (and throwing my stuffed penguin, Sigmund, at the screen) I settled down to read the new Linda Howard novel "All the Queen's Men". About ten pages into it, Aeryn started babbling this idea at me, and I had to go turn the computer back on and get it down. It's by *no* means any kind of parody (it's no kind of parody at all...) or rewrite of that novel (which was wonderful, btw.), that was just the springboard for the idea. Then, after several rewrites and *lots* of help from my wonderful beta readers, this is what I ended up with. And before anyone asks... no, this isn't the end. Sharon and I are collaborating on the second part of the "Dance" trilogy, "Temptation".
Title note: This was *originally* titled "Explosions".
Acknowledgments: I have the *best* beta readers in the world.<vbg> Many thanks to Sharon and Becca. {{{{{{{Sharon and Becca}}}}}}}
Song note: If you own the X-Files Movie Album (the one w/ the songs that they never ended up using in the movie), go get it. Put the *FIRST* song on repeat as you read this. I didn't realize it until I was almost finished writing this, but it's *perfect* for what's going on inside Aeryn.
"The Dance: Separation"
by Koren M.
"Crichton, you're drifting a little to your left. Can you compensate?"
"I'm tryin' Aeryn. Use a little more of the secondary, right?"
She glanced back and forth between the view screen and the co-ordinates readout. "Yes. That should do it."
They'd been at this all week, trying to get the Farscape refitted with enough of Moya's parts that it would work, while still retaining it's original control systems. "How is the left thruster doing? Is the temperature still stable?"
"Sure is. I think whatever you added this morning is balancing the heat distribution out... nothing's showing abnormal readings..."
"Good. How much longer are you going to stay out there?"
"Just let me try one more thing- wait a minute. Aeryn, I think I've got a problem..."
"What is it?" She pulled up a second display, this time a schematic of the refitted ship. "Crichton?"
"There's something weird about the way the thruster's firing. What're you getting?"
She scanned the array of data before her frantically. "Nothing. Are you sure you didn't push it too fast? Slack off some, see if that-"
"Oh shit."
"Crichton?" No answer. "Crichton, come in!" Nothing. "John, answer me!" Panic crept into her voice. Something was wrong.
"Aeryn, I think I'm gonna have to-"
The flare of light on the screen coupled with the concussion that reverberated out of the com unit nearly knocked her off her feet.
"John!"
Time moved slowly and the world around her dimmed. She focused on the now-empty view screen, not even seeing the stars. She didn't register Pilot's voice trying to speak to her, nor did she notice Zhaan and D'Argo rush into command to see what was wrong.
"Aeryn?" Zhaan laid a hand on her shoulder. "What was that we heard?" She didn't respond, and Zhaan shook her slightly. Nothing.
"Pilot, what happened?"
"I believe it was...Crichton's ship." Pilot's voice was soft, reluctant. "It seems to have been destroyed."
"It...something was wrong with the thrusters we- *I*- put in this morning...I don't know what- but the explosion-" Aeryn came back to herself, suddenly painfully aware of everything around her.
Zhaan glanced back at D'Argo, who barely shook his head. Rygel hovered in, about to begin a tirade, but Zhaan stopped him with a look.
"Pilot, is there anything to be...recovered?"
"I've been scanning outside the ship, but I can't locate anything. I'm sorry." There was genuine sadness in his voice.
It was too much. Aeryn suddenly pulled away from Zhaan and took off out of command. Zhaan moved to follow her, but D'Argo blocked the door. "Let her go," he whispered.
*********
She didn't know where she was running to, she just knew that she didn't want to be able to see the stars. When she finally slowed and stopped, she wasn't in a part of Moya that she recognized. But it was quiet, and she was alone. There weren't even any DRDs. She slumped against the nearest bulkhead because her legs, wether from running or shock or both, just wouldn't hold her up anymore. When she reached the floor she curled against the bulkhead as if it could comfort her.
She'd always been trained to ignore death. Peacekeepers couldn't afford to be distracted if something happened to those around them on a mission. Emotions like that didn't help, and more often, could get someone else killed too. When a mission was over, if there were casualties, there would be the necessary commendations issued at a military ceremony, and life would go on.
But now...
*********
Zhaan and D'Argo sat at the table, lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Zhaan spoke.
"Pilot, where has Aeryn gone?"
"I do not know."
D'Argo looked up. "What do you mean, you don't know?"
"I believe she has deactivated her com unit. I cannot pick up her signal." He didn't add that he could have easily found her by her life signs. If she was going to those lengths to remain away from the others, he would honor her wishes.
Zhaan looked as if she was about to ask another question, so D'Argo spoke up. "She'll come to us when she's ready. Pushing her now wouldn't be a good idea."
"But she's needed up here-"
"Right now she needs time to herself."
She looked at D'Argo, surprised that he had spoken so sharply. "What is it that you obviously aren't telling me, D'Argo?"
"Just leave it alone."
*********
Arns later, Aeryn wandered into Pilot's chamber. He looked up at her when she entered, but didn't seem surprised to see her.
"The others have been looking for you."
She walked around the room until she was standing beside him. She wouldn't meet his eyes. "Why?" Her tone was flat, colorless.
"They are worried about you. As am I."
"I'm fine."
"You turned off your com unit. No one has been able to reach you."
"I didn't want to talk to anyone."
"I will tell the others that you are...unhurt. Will you-"
"Have you ever been alone?"
Pilot paused. "Before I was joined with Moya, yes, I was alone at times."
"I'd never been alone. I was born on a Peacekeeper ship, I grew up on a Peacekeeper ship, I was trained on a Peacekeeper ship...and in all that time, there were always people around me. Most of my unit were the same people that I had grown up with." She looked over at Pilot then, and he saw just how far down the pain reached. "When I came here, I was alone for the first time in my life. Literally. For a long time I wished that Crichton had left me there, had let me face the death that my 'contamination' warranted. Anything had to be better than this." She pushed away from the panel and gestured to indicate the room. "But he... he *understood*. This was new to him too... the others had been in prison for years, and it was a world they were familiar with. In some ways, this life was as alien to me as it was to Crichton."
Pilot frowned as he listened to her ramble. "Aeryn-"
"They have no idea. Perhaps they did once, but they just don't know. I'm just a Peacekeeper to them, they've never seen past that..." it was too much. She abruptly turned and headed toward the door.
*********
She found herself out on the terrace this time, facing the stars she'd avoided a few arns earlier.
"Hey."
She turned when she heard his voice. "You're supposed to be dead," she stated flatly.
"Well, things out here just never seem to be what they seem to be."
"More earth riddles?"
"Maybe. Wanna talk about it?"
"No." She turned back to the starscape.
"I think you need to."
"You don't know what I *need*."
He leaned back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. "I know better than you think. I know that you need someone to rant at, and you don't trust yourself around the others enough to let go."
She made a non-committal sound.
"You started to, when you went to Pilot, but you couldn't do it. He's different to you somehow. It's me you really want to bitch at."
All the things that were swirling and bubbling inside her were edging closer and closer to the surface. "And why is that?"
"You know why."
In a rush it all swept over her. "I know why? I don't know anything anymore. I don't know who I am, what I am, what I can and cannot do!" She turned to him. "Nothing that I learned makes sense out here, I have no place! And it's all *your* fault!"
"You were too close to Moya when she starburst that day. How's that my fault?"
"If you hadn't been on this ship, I would have gotten away. I would have contacted Crais, and there would have been no reason for me to be classified as "irreversibly contaminated"!"
"Uh-huh. *I* was the one who got us out of that cell, remember?" He pushed away from the wall and took a step toward her. "If it weren't for me, one of two things would have happened. You would've either been trapped on this ship with them for the rest of your life... which wouldn't have been that much longer...or you would've gone back to that controlled, restricted Peacekeeper
world, and suffocated."
"I had a place there! I wasn't alone!" Tears threatened, making her eyes shine.
"You're not alone here."
"The others don't- *you* were the only one who knew what it was like for me! Who accepted me, who didn't care what I had been."
"And?"
"And you *left* me!" The tears broke free, over a year of anger and pain finally being felt. "You put me here, destroyed everything that I thought I was, and then you *abandoned* me!"
She lashed out at him, only to meet thin air. Crichton was gone. Reality once again thundered down on her, and she slowly sank to her knees, cursing and crying, beating her fists against the floor.
*********
Eventually, she got up and made her way back to her quarters, numb from the maelstrom of emotions. No one attempted to contact her, although if she'd been more aware of her surroundings she might have noticed the increase of DRDs in her area of the ship. When she finally slept, it was dreamless.
*********
John Crichton looked at the readouts a second time. What had looked like a thruster malfunction only moments ago now manifested itself as an energy increase, remarkably similar to the electromagnetic wave that had caused that first wormhole. He attempted to pinpoint its location, but all of the readings kept pointing to Moya.
"That's *got* to be wrong," he mumbled to himself. "Hey Aeryn, you picking up anything weird coming from Moya? Does Pilot have any explanation for these readings?"
No answer.
"Aeryn?" Nothing.
Echoes of that first trip through space rattled through him. "Anyone?" He switched com frequencies. "Pilot?"
"CRICHTON?!" Pilot's voice came through, more surprised than he'd ever heard it.
"Uh... yeah... Pilot, are you ok?"
"Of course I- are *you* alright? We thought... we were certain we'd lost you."
"Lost me? I'm right here, Pilot. I've *been* right here. Moya's been giving off some strange readings, almost like a-"
"JOHN!" This time, Zhaan's voice nearly burst his eardrums.
"Guys, what the hell happened? And where's Aeryn?"
"Thank Ka'hallen, you're alright."
"Yeah, I'm *fine*. It's you guys I'm not so sure about. Look, I'm heading back in." He turned the Farscape back toward Moya. "And then will someone *please* explain what the hell's going on?"