TITLE: "UNSPOKEN"

AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL

FANDOM: "Farscape"

PAIRING: John/Stark

RATING: NC-17. M/M. *SLASH*

STATUS: New.

ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where.

FEEDBACK: Welcomed

The usual disclaimers apply. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"UNSPOKEN"
A "Farscape" slash story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
* * * * *

Aeryn was impatient when she got to command. "Where the frell is Crichton?"

"Down on the planet surface," Said D'Argo.

Her expression turned to one of exasperation and alarm. "What? Is he completely fahrbot? With the radiation emissions in this binary system he has to be tinked."

Zhaan disagreed. "He is quite safe, Aeryn. The planet has very efficient domes which shield the occupants from the emissions most successfully and has done so for many cycles."

"Alright Zhaan, let's suppose it *is* safe, what's he doing down there? We've already established it's not a commerce planet. Pilot says there's an increase in solar activity. We need to get the yotz out of here."

"I agree with Aeryn," Said Rygel.

Chiana frowned at him. "Who asked you, toad?"

D'Argo straightened and gave Aeryn a level look. "No. We will wait until Crichton is ready then we will leave."

She looked dumbfounded. As she looked at them they all managed to avoid direct eye contact even Zhaan.

"Will someone tell me what the yotz is going on?"

When no one spoke, Rygel gave a sigh and told her. "Stark's down there."

"What? Stark's dead."

"No," Said Zhaan gently. "He just isn't completely physical any longer."

She shook her head, baffled. "Hello? Am I the only one with working translator microbes here?"

"Aeryn," D'Argo said carefully. "Do not expect me to explain how because I can't but Zhaan is right. Stark did survive but in a more.....spiritual form."

"Okay, so he's not got a body. Why does that mean Crichton has to go down on to the planet to see him? Why can't he spirit himself on to Moya and we can get the frell out of here?"

"Why do you think?" Muttered Rygel quietly to himself. His voice sounded morose and grumpy at the same time.

Annoyed, Chiana tweaked his eyebrow ridge. Hard.

"Yow, what the yotz was that for?"

She leaned in to him. "That's for being a slimey relkit." Then in a lower voice for his ears only, "Don't you know when to close your wakket hole?"

Aeryn took a deep breath. "Very well. Then I will go down and get him."

Alarmed, Zhaan put a gentle hand on her arm. "No, Aeryn. Let him return in his own time. He is in no danger and we have time."

"What Zhaan is trying to say is he needs to be left alone." Said Rygel, fed up with the others tip-toing around the subject. "To have a little privacy, caw matan?"

Chiana whacked the Hynerian Dominar round the back of the head for speaking and he glared at her. "You go too far you little tralk. Touch me again and you can join him - *without* the benefit of a transport pod."

"Will you two stop it!" Snapped Zhaan. They instantly fell silent. Zhaan looked at Aeryn, anxious to see how she would react.

Aeryn was confused. It was almost as if they were protecting Crichton. But why would they feel the need to do that? And why against her? There was obviously something they were not telling her. "How long do you think he'll be down there?"

"I don't know, Aeryn. Several arns, a solar day, perhaps longer. He didn't say."

Aeryn frowned then nodded. She needed time to think. They watched her leave command. D'Argo frowned at Zhaan. "You should have told her."

She shook her head. "No. If John wants to tell Aeryn he will. Besides we don't know anything for certain."

"What are you going to tell her when he decides he wants to stay?" Said Rygel.

"He won't do that." Said Zhaan.

"You don't know that, Zhaan." D'Argo murmured softly.

They all looked subdued. For once, even Rygel had nothing else to say.

* * * * *

He had never been so happy. It was not the sex, though that was amazing enough on every level. It was the utter bliss of merging with Stark again, bringing him a completeness he had unwittingly yearned for all his life. When they had last seen each other it had been a beautiful and wonderful thing but tinged with great sadness. A goodbye his heart did not want to utter but had no choice over. Aeryn had been there for him as he had been for her. Both having merged with Stark before. No one else could even imagine what that had been like with the exception of Zhaan. He sighed gently, his joy knowing no bounds. Stark had returned to a higher vibration
but he could still feel his presence. Not beside him so much as *inside* him. This was a totally different version of weird but it was a wonderful weird. An exotic, fabulous gift that he had no words to describe. It was as if their two bodies, spiritual *and* physical had been merged into
coincidence. It gave him the odd feeling that if he were walking and stopped really suddenly, Stark would take one extra step before they clicked back into perfect sync again.

He had no idea how long they would be in phase with each other but he was happy to agree to whatever Stark wanted. Just so long as he did not leave him. He did not think his heart could bear the loss a second time. He felt Stark touch his mind, so gentle and loving. <How could I leave you, John? We are part of one another now>

Crichton smiled. He felt as if nothing in the Universe could hurt him now. Fireproof. <You have made me so happy, Stark. How can I ever thank you?>

He felt the smile cradle his heart and such joy rebounded from the emotion that tears pricked his eyes. <You already have> Thought Stark gently.

Oh man, he had died and gone to Heaven. This really was paradise. He was looking out of the dome, his eyes not really seeing the harsh crimson landscape, gouged by meteor showers and as barren a place as could be imagined. Then his focus sharpened and the image changed. It was still the planet surface but now as seen through Stark's eyes. His mouth dropped open
in astonishment. He saw the planet surface in the kind of detail he would only expect from x-ray glasses. This was incredible. <I didn't know you could do that, Stark>

Stark chuckled in his mind, a delicious sound that Crichton did not think he could ever tire of. Stark stroked the planes of his thoughts, sketching out the geometry of Crichton's mind in a way that made him breathless with awe. Suddenly it was as if he could look into his own mind, see the ridges, the valleys and peaks of his thoughts processes. The vast filing cabinet of his memory a cornucopia of information stored, cross referenced and largely forgotten. <God Stark, you have *got* to tell me how you do that!>

<All in good time, John. First you need to be acclimatised>

<Acclimatised?>

<Yes. Too much information too quickly could overload your senses and shut them down>

He felt a brief stab of fear. Stark easily soothed him.

<That will not happen. I won't let it>

<How can you stop it?> He asked, suddenly curious.

He felt the delicious slow smile through his senses like silk making his heart go weak for love of him. <I can control the amount of information and the rate of integration>

<You can do that?> He thought he would never get over the wonder that was Stark.

<You will> Stark mused. <As you acclimatise. <Then bit by bit more information will be absorbed into your consciousness until it is as much a part of you as I am>

Their thoughts fell silent. Each lost in the other. Stark patiently washing his senses through Crichton's, familiarising themselves with each other. Their separateness and their wholeness. The filter of their minds examined from every angle, the one flowing into the other. Every
thought dissected and pieced back together in the rhythms and rhymes that explored
the very essence of reasoning. They had explored each others' bodies and sexuality so thoroughly, now it was the turn of their minds. A far more complex and enthralling challenge. More seductive and a conundrum not easily solved. The delicate twists and levels of thought affected by everything taken in by the senses and the stimulus of consciousness. That consciousness both individual and shared. The ramifications spiralling endlessly between
them. Like some complex umbical chord throbbing with anticipation at their exploration. Such a vast hinterland they could become lost in each other and never surface to the physical reality that surrounded them again. That was the danger. The challenge. Integrating, absorbing, understanding that inner reality and then equating it with the outer one was a thrill of conquest.
Daring courage to take that step beyond all borders, opening up infinite possibilities wherever they might lead. A foot in both worlds.

<Two into one will go> Thought Crichton. That amused Stark. His humour touched Crichton on so many levels shading his enjoyment in depths he would never have imagined possible. How could such a simple insignificant emotion do all that? It blew him away just thinking about it and the depths of his wonder enthralled Stark. The way their thoughts coloured each others' perceptions was beautiful to them both. A revelation that kept on unravelling its' splendour in little touches so infinitessimal that it was a marvel to the delight of their souls.

<There are things I need to tell you, John, that I cannot tell you until you are fully acclimatised to my presence>

<That's okay Stark. I can wait>

A pause. He was picking up nuances now. <What are you afraid of?> He asked gently. There was no reply. Just a love so deep it ached. It took several microts for Crichton to suspect the reason. <Is that the price you spoke of? The one you don't want me to pay?>

Pained. <Yes>

His pain hurt Crichton. As if the nerves in his body were exposed and bleeding by the joining of their hearts. A thought could crush him, the slightest stir of love elevate him beyond the reach of stars. So intense. So much more than anything he had ever felt before.

<Sorry> Stark's thought murmured softly. Caressing his mind so gently with love.

<Not your fault>

<This is too intense for you>

<No, no, it's okay. More than okay, Stark> He sighed so deep only an angel's wings could catch him. <It's *perfect*. Just like you are to me>

He felt Stark smile, it lit his mind with joy, his heart with such love. <That's because you're in love>

Crichton snorted softly. An external sound reverberating through his body and mind causing a ripple in his thoughts. <And you're not?> He mused.

He felt Stark's answering smile. Revelled in it. <Do you know how much I love you?>

It reminded him of something. <How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...>

<What's that?>

<A quote>

<It's beautiful>

<So are you>

<Soon you will have a decision to make>

Crichton nodded to himself. <I'm ready>

<I don't want you to *just* act>

<You want me to *think* about it>

Another smile. <Yes>

<I'll be okay Stark. So long as I can be with you I don't want or need anything else>

Stark sighed so softly. A breath of mist was heavier than his sigh. <That's what I'm afraid of>

<Afraid? Why?>

<I don't want you to cut yourself off from the others>

<I want to be with you>

<You shall be. You are>

<How long for?>

He felt the smile before the thought crept lovingly into his mind and caressed him. <As long as you want>

His heart leapt with hope and joy. <For life?>

<Mine or yours?>

Firmly now. He knew what he wanted. <Both>

Stark chuckled. Crichton loved the way it rang through his senses, such a sweet sound. <Dear beloved John, whatever you ask of me is already yours>

Crichton felt tears fall. Moved by the gentle Banik slave who had won his heart with a love that was more selfless than anything he had ever known or could possibly imagine. Stark cradled his thoughts, his gentle presence not overshadowing him but augmenting his own feelings and thoughts. The mental joining was like lying in the arms of the one you loved. The warmth
mental not physical but able to flood the physical perceptions of reality at will. Stark followed his lover's thoughts, touching them softly with his own as Crichton took that inward seeking journey. Seeing the thoughts through Stark's eyes, his perspective enlightening his own. Feeling the beat of the Universe fill his heart. The voices of Stark's people singing through his veins in rapturous welcome. Some thoughts he recognised, some were new to him. All of them he celebrated with his own deep joy. They responded in kind. Loving him because he loved so deeply. Their thoughts a blessing, so light their loving touch, so beautiful. Amazed how much they loved him. Humbled by how much they loved Stark yet how freely they joined their love to
his. Family. So these were the in-laws? He felt Stark's smile like a rainbow in his mind. God, he could not get enough of him. When Stark breathed in him he soared. He was the wind beneath his wings. His mind a grace that bound him in total fascination. His love was like being kissed by
eternity.

<Oh God, Stark, I love you so much>

<I know>

He was still standing in the dome looking out at the angular rocks, his face wet with tears of sweet joy. A content so deep he could not fathom its' end. He fancied it had no end. His eyes glazed with emotions he could not utter. Emotions so intense and rarified a single word could break them and shatter him. He was made of glass. His world transparent. Arns he stood
there seeing nothing but feeling all. Lost in a love so all-encompassing, a heart so intricately woven with his own. The subtle cadence of their merging something he would not have believed possible but feeling was believing.

It was Stark who impelled him to move simply by willing it. Not a command. Not even a request. Just a desire hinted at, then put into thought when Crichton prompted him. <What? You want me to move? Go somewhere? Okay. Where?>

His response surprised him. <Moya>

Crichton felt a kind of shock. He was not ready, there was so much more he wanted to learn. Absorb. Know. Return meant distraction, angst, stress. Demands from the others to know what had happened. Intrusions into all the private places of his mind that were now so precious to him. Rooms no longer empty but shared. They would bombard him with questions he did not want to answers. Insights he did not want to share. Time he wanted with Stark and Stark alone. It was selfish. It was panic. It was so utterly human.

<John, we could spend eternity in this exploration of each other and it would not be enough>

<So what are you saying? That's a bad thing?>

He felt Stark' gentle smile, his loving thoughts calming him. <My love, my heart, part of this merging is to learn also not to lose yourself so deeply in my essence that you are subsumed. So that what should grace your soul and add to it, nourish it and...>

<I don't have a problem with that> He interrupted.

<But I do. It's not healthy. You need to enjoy being around other people, being with them, leading your life not simply losing yourself in mine. We will be together - always - for as long as you want. In every way imaginable. And when you sleep my love, it will be in my arms. When
you want comfort it will be there before you are able to frame the thought, express the desire. Do not diminish that which I would give you by limiting what you can have. Share. Experience. Know. Feel> He paused a microt. <Become>

<I don't need anyone else, Stark>

<You will. Not now. Perhaps not for many cycles even but you will. Cut the connection now and you will lose the ability to find them again. Do you understand?>

<Yes>

Stark soothed him. Dried the tears that fell in his heart while his physical cheeks still glistened.

<I have to go now?>

<Not have to, John>

Crichton sighed softly. <I know>

<It would make me happy>

<Then consider it done, my friend>

His thought was a mere wisp, a shining fragment of thought in his mind. <Thank you>

Crichton said nothing. Like his love the thought was left unspoken.

* * * * *
END