TITLE: "DILEMNA"

AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL

FANDOM: "Farscape"

PAIRING: JOHN/CHIANA

RATING: PG-13.

STATUS: New.

ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where.

FEEDBACK: Welcomed

The usual disclaimers apply. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"Dilemna"
A "Farscape" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL

Dominar Rygel XVI could not sleep. Could not bear lying in his quarters listening to the human weeping. True, the sounds were quiet. Muffled even. But his ears were very sensitive. Something the others had never appreciated except when it came to wanting to taunt him or punish him for
something. They did not realise that he could hear things the rest of them missed. Everybody knew about the famous Luxan ability to detect scents but none of his companions had suspected the Dominar's little secret. The one he had carefully kept so quiet about. Now it was plaguing him, causing him to share the human's grief. Not just his current pain and sense of loss but the knowledge that he wept for one who was not dead. Had probably done so for the last five cycles. It hurt Rygel to listen, hurt him knowing they had practised this deceit. Lied about Aeryn. Lied about Zhaan. Pretending that by ignoring the facts everything would somehow be *better*. It
certainly did not sound better to him. That they had done it out of a mistaken belief that they were helping did not change the fact that they had lied. To him *and* Chiana. Now Aeryn had gone off to some miserable far flung planet to be among *her own kind*, whatever that meant, and live out a long lonely life among strangers just to ensure he never found out. And Crichton. He sighed.
Crichton would stay in a warm and loving marriage, doing his duty by Chiana and the children but with his heart forever lost to Aeryn. He saw it now. Saw it all. Understood. The knowledge was crucifying him.

He got up, dressed and got in his thronesled. Quietly he eased along the corridor and stopped by the human's cell. His door was open. Typically. It touched the Dominar. Such a simple display of trust. So open, just like him. He looked in and watched over Crichton for a few microts, noticed the DRDs doing the same. Small, discreet, and anxious. A lot like him. He had no doubt in his mind that Crichton knew they were there but he would accept it as he accepted all their gifts as signs of their affection. Evidence they cared. He left quietly and went to see Pilot. Everybody except D'Argo would be asleep now. The Luxan would be in command taking his watch. No longer sharing that duty with Aeryn. He took a little detour to the *family quarters* they had assigned to Chiana and Crichton and saw the Nebari lying in the big bed with the children curled up either side of her and a happy look of content on her face. Rygel smiled, happy for Chiana. Happy for the children. She made a good mother. Would be a loving and no doubt playful
wife. His mouth twitched in humour then the smile vanished. She looked older. The cycles had taken their toll and he could see the fine lines of worry she fought so hard to hide when awake. He turned to go when a quiet voice stopped him. "Hey, frog boy, where ya going?"

He turned back and looked at the bed. Chiana's eyes were open and curious. Oh frell.

"I wanted to see how you were." He said truthfully, his voice quiet, subdued.

Chiana looked at him, her head tilted. Somehow managing to seem twenty cycles older than she was simply by slowing down those trademark jerky movements. "Thanks. So what do you think?"

"About what?" He said gruffly.

She chuckled quietly. A brief sound he missed as soon as she stopped. "About us. Me and John. The children. The whole deal."

*The whole deal*. Another Crichtonism he would not understand except on an instinctive level. Forget what the actual individual words meant and you stood a chance of understanding the phrase. Understanding Crichton. Chiana realised he had gone off on some inward mission. Lost in his own thoughts.

"Hey, Ryge. You okay?" She asked softly.

"Yes, yes. Just couldn't sleep, caw matan?"

She nodded. Wondered why he looked so pensive. Had he really missed her that much? "Want to talk about it?"

Another habit of Crichton's. Frell. Why did everything have to revolve around that human? His voice was gruffer than he intended it to be. "No. Now go to sleep."

She blinked in surprise. Then Rygel was gone. What had that been all about? Kari stirred in her sleep and Chiana forgot all about Rygel. Kissed the little sleeping brow and drew her daughter closer. A sigh of content settled on Kari's lips and Chiana smiled. She drifted off to sleep with that smile still on her face.

* * * * *

The planet was pretty rocky and the soil was poor but the people seemed happy. Aeryn was surprised to find how readily she was accepted. No one asked her to tell her story. No one kept pleading or nagging her to talk. Privacy was respected. Aeryn liked that. She liked it a lot. At
first she was alarmed to find no organised social structure. No wise elders telling everyone what to do. Here people picked a place to settle and if no one else had first claimed it, it was theirs. Communal areas were the fields and the water supply. She noticed there were some small animals like rodents but had not seen anything bigger yet. She wondered about the body of water
she had seen on her way down to the planet surface. How far away was it? Did that mean there would be fish to catch or some other kind of aquatic beast?

Aeryn quickly discovered that if she tended the fields with the others they would feed her, share their fire with her. At first she rarely spoke. Actions and a nod here and there sufficed. To tell the truth she wanted to be busy, work until she dropped. Anything to keep her thoughts at bay. Her
mind going crazy imagining what was going on back aboard Moya. Crichton. She sucked in a quick breath. The girl toiling beside her cast her a swift look then looked away. Aeryn dismissed her from her mind and deepened tbe channel in the dry earth with her hands until she had the right depth to sow the seeds. Crichton and Chiana. That stuck in her throat. She forced herself to swallow, deliberately counted out the seeds one by one rather than scattering the handful along the drill she had dug. D'Argo had mentioned children. Two. A boy and a girl. Her hands began to tremble. Tears pricking at her eyes. She stopped and forced herself to calm down. It had been five cycles after all. What had she expected him to do? Become a Yilirian monk? Now *that* she would like to see.

The woman next to her touched her arm gently as dusk began to fall. "We approach the season of the near dark, Aeryn."

She frowned. "What is that?"

"This planet does not have a true sun, the path of Mallon takes in three celestial spheres each one brighter than the last. The last sphere, Rae, is the true sun. When we reach Rae we will have no true night for half a cycle."

"What about this....what did you call it? Near dark?"

The girl, Patri, nodded. "Yes. There is no true dark for another thirty arns."

"Then it is night?"

Patri smiled shyly. "Yes, for ten arns. Then it is day again."

Aeryn looked at her for a couple of microts. "Are you saying we have something that is not day and not night for thirty arns?"

She laughed at the expression on Aeryn's face. "Yes. This is the only time we can hunt. The animals on this world have poor eyesight. The near dark is when they are at their most vulnerable. Any other time they are too dangerous for us to hunt."

"Dangerous, how?"

Patri sucked her bottom lip. It was the only time Aeryn had seen her even marginally nervous. "In daylight they can mask their images in light so it is hard for us to see them. If we are not careful they will catch us."

"They eat us?"

"No," Said Patri slowly. "They make slaves of us. Believe me when I say if you knew what that meant you would choose death."

Aeryn thought about that, watched as Patri's eyes adjusted to the near dark and her hands got busy again making new drills for the seeds to be sown in. She copied her. "I saw some creatures when I first came."

"What did they look like?"

Aeryn described the hairy hog-like creatures she had seen. Patri listened before responding. "Those are henkits."

"What are they?"

"They scent out the prey - us."

"Who or what is hunting us?"

"Our worst enemy." She paused, all the colour having fled from her face. Her work forgotten. "This planet is one of seven in this cluster where the Scarrens come to hunt..."

* * * * *

Morning came sluggish and somewhat subdued. Nerri was concerned. First he checked on Chiana and the children then he went looking for Crichton. He got directions to Crichton's former room and made his way there but the cell was empty. He paused and looked around the room, curious but respectful. He stood in silence for a few microts and took a deep breath. Crichton's voice behind him made him jump.

"Na-keri-can, negirdi sa?" *What brings you here so early?*

Nerri smiled. He really had mastered the Nebari inflections like a native. It amused and impressed him then left him saddened that he could not speak his own language with such consumate ease. "You did not come to breakfast."

Now it was Crichton's turn to smile. He chuckled at the Nebari's use of the human word for the morning meal. His friends on Moya had got used to using the word long ago but it was still a novelty to Nerri. He wondered idly how many Nebari words he had picked up. His hair was still wet from the shower and he was towelling it dry as he spoke. Nerri noticed the dark shadows under his eyes. "I w..wanted to fr...freshen up, first."

"This leviathan must bring back many memories."

For a moment Crichton could not speak. <Yeah, lots of memories Nerri. If you only knew the half of it you wouldn't let me within light years of your sister>

* * * * *

Pilot watched Rygel out of the corner of his eye, his four limbs moving in a seamless dance across Moya's controls. Aware of everything that was going on with Moya and listening carefully to the Hynerian Dominar.

"We should have told them."

"Aeryn did not want them to know." Pilot reminded him.

Rygel had seldom looked so sad. "As the human would say, *it seemed like a good idea at the time*. Now, I'm not so sure."

"Why are you troubled about this now?"

"Because of John. Because of Chiana." Rygel paused a microt, collecting his thoughts. "I had thought - no, hoped - that being together they would make a life for themselves. For their family."

Pilot was confused. "But they *have* made a life for themselves, Rygel."

"Yes, but it is a compromise, Pilot."

"I do not understand what you are trying to say."

"I am saying they are not happy."

For several microts they were silent. Pilot considered the Dominar's words, knew the Hynerian was upset. Discussed the matter non verbally with Moya. They had, after all, been monitoring Crichton through the DRDs in his room since he got back and had seen him crying. His distress had upset them. Neither had known what to do about it. He spoke slowly. "Moya agrees with
you." He hesitated in voicing his confusion. "I thought John loved Chiana?"

Rygel snorted softly. "John has *always* loved Aeryn. I do not think that will change even if all the planets change orbit and fly into the nearest sun."

"And Chiana?" He asked carefully. His voice concerned.

"John Crichton is the oddest being I have ever known but he is also the most feeling. I have never known a species give its' heart to so many people. And people not of its' own species. He loves us all, Pilot, and that is the true tragedy in all this."

Pilot thought about that for a microt. "Moya and I are confused."

"He has that effect." Grumbled the Hynerian softly.

"No." Corrected Pilot. "Not by John but by you."

"Harrumph. It is perfectly plain to me now. John loves everybody, cares for us. He has made us his family. It is in his nature. His generous heart. But he is only *in love* with one person. Aeryn."

Pilot thought about that. "What about Chiana?"

The Dominar sighed softly. His voice sounded sad, pained. "He loves Chiana and being an honourable creature he will stay with her, be what she wants him to be. He will be a good husband and a good father to their children..."

Pilot's eyes narrowed slightly as his voice trailed off. "But?"

Rygel sighed heavily. "He will always love Aeryn. His heart will never be whole again, Pilot, and Aeryn will never get over him either."

"You do not know that."

"No, Pilot, I don't but I know John and Aeryn. I don't know why I failed to see it before. Those two were meant to be together. In our desire to smooth over everything that happened we conspired to part them - *for their own good*."

"What else could we have done? Aeryn was dead and staying on board Moya was killing John with guilt."

The burden on the Dominar's shoulders was almost too heavy. "We should have told John and Chiana the truth. We should have contacted them when Aeryn was revived." He admitted quietly.

"If John had known..."

"He would have returned immediately to Moya."

"And he would know why Zhaan died."

Their eyes met in bleak understanding. "Exactly."

* * * * *

D'Argo could not help noticing the shadows under Crichton's eyes when he came into command with Nerri. He had looked so well when he had first seen him. Fitter, happier than he had been in a long time. Now it was as if the past had come crowding back in on him. If this was the effect one solar day back aboard Moya could have on him then Chiana had been right to take him
with her all those cycles ago. She had given him a chance to mend, to heal, to build a new life with her. She was not Aeryn but she did love him. D'Argo realised she always had. Her constant flirting had been a cover for deeper feelings that Crichton had never returned. He had always
acted like a brother to her, a friend, a protector. Never a lover. Circumstances had changed all that and after the terrible events when the neural clone had driven Crichton to kill Aeryn, it had been Chiana who had decided to pick up the pieces. The badly traumatised John Crichton had been unable to speak anything but gibberish, parts of his brain missing forever, the other parts
damaged almost beyond repair. Zhaan had only been able to sew him back up. She had not been able to give him back what he had lost. Haunted by memories of what he had done there could be no rest and no absolution for John Crichton.

Chiana had espoused the answer and while everyone was still in shock had got a transport and fitted it out with the things she thought they might need. She was going to get help for Crichton from the only people she could think of who might help. The Nebari. Zhaan had advised her not to be so hasty. Chiana had told her to do what she could for Aeryn and she would do what she could for Crichton. That was five cycles ago.

They had all started out with such wonderful dreams. Such high hopes. D'Argo had been lucky enough to find his in Lo'lann but she had been taken from him leaving him with their son, Jothee, and memories that would echo in his heart forever. Aeryn had been Crichton's Lo'laan but that door was closed now. They had closed it for him and he did not even know it. Perhaps things would work out for him. He had Chiana now and she would never leave him, never hurt him as Aeryn had done. If only he could believe that Crichton was no longer in love with Aeryn but he had only to look into his friend's eyes to see the truth. Chiana had been there to love him, to pick
up the pieces but she could not make him whole. Not while his heart still belonged to Aeryn. Alive or dead he realised it always would.

"Hey, Big D!"

A smile lit up on D'Argo's solemn face. Crichton had spoken in his native tongue without stuttering once. "John, it is good to see you!"

Crichton grinned back and looked around. "W...where's Pip?"

"I believe she said she was washing the children."

He laughed. Nerri was chuckling too. They both knew what that meant. D'Argo did not get the joke. "Why are you laughing?"

"D, you d..don't wash Kari and J..Jack."

"You don't?" He could not help wondering how they would handle the smell, the body odours, without washing.

The grin on Crichton's face got wider. Just then Chiana's voice came over the com, sounding exasperated and annoyed. "D'Argo, is John with you?"

"Yes, Chiana, he is."

She definitely sounded really annoyed now. He was not sure whether she was annoyed at the children or Crichton. "Then tell him to get his eema down here this microt! His children are about to become Pronga fodder."

D'Argo tried to keep the laughter out of his voice. An angry Chiana seeking revenge on him was not his idea of a good time. Crichton was already making his way out of command, Nerri going with him. Whether to help or to protect the human from Chiana's wrath, he could not tell. "He is on his way, Chiana."

* * * * *

Aeryn frowned at Patri. "I thought this was a peaceful planet? Somewhere Sebaceans could make a fresh start. A new life for themselves."

Patri nodded. "So did we. At first it was a meratalis, a paradise. We learned to read the progression of solar days, hunted in the lunar nights - what we call the near dark hours. Rested in the true night then learned to hide in the true day."

"You don't go outside during the daylight hours?"

She shook her head. "It was a hard lesson to learn. We lost many people. It is a time of great danger. The true day lasts half a cycle Aeryn."

Aeryn's expression revealed her horror. The difficulty she had in wrapping her head around the concept. "Are you saying you hide for half a cycle?"

"Yes. This is why the near dark is so important to us. We must hunt and bind and treat the meat so that it will last us for the true day."

"This is frodank. You must be completely fahrbot! Why don't you get off this planet and find somewhere else?"

To her surprise Patri looked amused. "Do you think we chose to stay when we discovered the truth?"

Aeryn said nothing. Patri hid a sigh and looked down at her dirty hands, nails snapped off from scraping into the soil. Callouses on her hands from working the land with almost fevered intent during the parts of a cycle when it was safe to go outside the vast system of underground caves that were now her home. "When the first Scarrans came they destroyed our vessels." She looked at Aeryn. "There *is* no way off this planet now."

* * * * *
END