TITLE: "FACING DEMONS"

AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL

FANDOM: "Farscape"

PAIRING: JOHN/CHIANA

RATING: PG-13

STATUS: New.

ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where.

FEEDBACK: Welcomed

SERIES/SEQUEL: SEQUEL to "NO STONE UNTURNED"

The usual disclaimers apply. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"FACING DEMONS"
A "Farscape" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL

Nerri sat in the darkness of the deep cave and tried to stay calm. It was hard not to think about how much air he had left in the small craft. Hard not to wonder where Scorpius was and if he had detected his landing. Were PK clash troops even now looking for him? He knew something of the
half-Scarran's obsession with Crichton from his sister. Enough to know that however many cycles passed the abomination would never quite be able to let go of the human. It had been a mistake to take the module. A foolish taunt that had backfired. He had thought only of deflecting interest from the others, distracting the enemy so he would not see their true purpose. Now he had become the prey. Yet he would not have changed anything.

He thought of Chiana and smiled in the dark. He had never seen his sister so happy, so content. So much in love. The changes had been dramatic. The life she had led before seemed no more than the recklessness of youth but he knew it was more than that. Before Crichton she had been on a path of self destruction and they both knew it. Since then she had gone from a frightened child just trying to survive to a woman who knew where the centre of her universe was. A woman with a mission. And all because of one man. They were good together and it filled Nerri's heart with joy that it should be so. The children only added to that joy. Now here was Crichton's
nemesis threatening to bring everything crashing down upon their heads and send everything they had built straight to hezmana. He would not let that happen, no matter the cost. So Nerri sat, tried to occupy his mind with what he would do once the Carrier had gone. In the end it was sleep that ambushed him. His breathing the only sound in the deepening gloom around him.

* * * * *

Chiana tried to be strong. "Be careful, John."

He smiled for her, kissed her lightly. "I will. Don't worry, I have a few surprises in mind for old Scorpy."

At her look of alarm he hurried to reassure you. "Pip, he won't be expecting a Nebari Capital Ship to show up. And he definitely won't be expecting *me* to be on it."

She jerked her head at an angle, a sure sign of her unease. "I would rather he did not know you were on it."

He smiled and kissed her. "Exactly!

Her head moved more slowly, angling first this way and that as she watched his face. "What are you up to?"

"Just to be on the safe side I've asked Moya if we have enough room here for the women. It's only temporary but it means there will be three Nebari ships going to Rydex not one. That increases our firepower enough to make even a Command Carrier think twice."

China was grinning openly now. Her voice was a low seductive growl. "I like those odds."

He loved seeing the way her eyes sparkled and chuckled. "That's not all."

"Oh?"

He dropped a light kiss on the end of her nose. "First I want to see the kids then I have to go."

She was about to suggest he see them when he got back then the realisation struck home. He was taking no chances and making no assumptions. Chiana swallowed hard and went with him. The look on D'Argo's face was so comical they both laughed. Kari was sitting on his shoulders trying to braid his tenkas while Jack was running in and out between his legs always a microdench away from the Luxan's frustrated hands as he tried to catch him. His booming voice could not hide his exasperation. "At last! I demand you do something about your offspring, Crichton!"

Crichton laughed. D'Argo only called him by his surname now when he was cross with him or wished to tease him. Right now it was likely to be a mixture of both. Carefully, he extricated Kari. "Now come on honey you know your Uncle D'Argo gets cranky when you do that. His tenkas are very sensitive. You could hurt him."

D'Argo snorted in derision at Crichton's words but said nothing. Now he had both hands free he easily caught Jack and promptly put him in Chiana's hands. "I am a Luxan warrior *not* a nursemaid. Remember it!"

Chiana grinned at him. "Thanks, D'Argo." She gave his cheek a kiss and his eyes softened.

"Yeah, thanks D. Don't know how we would have gotten through today without you." Added Crichton.

The Luxan nodded and left their quarters. Crichton sighed and looked from Kari to Jack. "Now kids, just what have you two been up?"

* * * * *

Lt Braca could barely hide his frustration. The module must have landed on the planet, there was nowhere else it could have gone yet they could detect nothing. No heat signature. No vapor trails. No energy residue. Nothing. It was as if the human had simply vanished. Scorpius roared in anger then turned his eyes on Braca, only just managing to contain his fury enough to speak. "Where is he? Crichton could not have simply disappeared."

"Perhaps there was a ship waiting for him on the far side of the planet? They could have picked his module up and gone to StarBurst before we got here."

"The leviathan? No. If Moya had been waiting for him we would have picked up traces of the biomechanoid even after she had gone to StarBurst. There must another explanation." Scorpius looked closely at a holographic representation of Rydex. "He is down there. Hiding."

"My men are on the planet surface, sir, but so far they have found nothing."

Scorpius turned his head and fixed smouldering eyes on his lieutenant. "That is *not* what I wish to hear. Go down and take more troops. Do not come back until you find him!"

Lt Braca came to attention quickly. "Yes, sir!"

As the lieutenant reached the door his Commander's words made him pause. "And Lt Braca, do not disappoint me!"

Braca just nodded then hurried off. Scorpius turned back to the holographic image.

* * * * *

It was getting hotter and hotter inside the module. Nerri checked his suit, rubbing his gloved hands over the glass faceplate to try to see more clearly but the misting up was on the inside. He had no idea how long he had been asleep but he appeared to have no more than three arns of oxygen left. He did not dare switch power to the module back on. It was far too risky. He looked up. Was it his imagination or was the cave getting even darker? Was night falling on this dren infested planet or was something else happening? Should he get out of the module to go and take a look or stay with the primative ship? In the end he decided it was better to have more information than less. He did not want to suffocate to death because he did not have the wit to check and discover when the enemy had given up the hunt. That they thought they were looking for Crichton was now immaterial. He had a pretty good idea of what his fate would be if they caught him.

Carefully he popped the canopy and climbed out, pausing only to grab a flashlight that Crichton kept in the back of the little craft. Some of the things he did not recognise. They looked like repair tools. Finding nothing else useful he set out carefully on foot to see just how far into the cave he had come and how safe it was on the outside. Because it was so dark he counted his steps, trying to fix in his mind anything he could use as markers. It took him the best part of half an arn to get back to the cave entrance and it was here that he felt his heart sink. Shining the torch across the walls he saw that the opening had somehow been blocked. Whether by a rockfall or the action of Scorpius's troops he had no idea. The way out had suddenly become the sealed door of his tomb.

* * * * *

Chiana was surprised to look up and see Aeryn standing in the doorway to her quarters. Kari was sitting in her lap letting her mother brush her shock of white hair. Jack had been playing with some toys Crichton had carved out of wood. Chiana frowned slightly. "Are you okay, Aeryn? Can I get you something?"

Aeryn shook her head slowly. It still felt strange to think of Chiana and Crichton as a couple but she would have had to be blind not to miss the love between them. She tried to push down the haunting voice in her head echoing in her heart that this could have been her life. These could have been her children. Jack looked up from a figure Crichton had described as a horse. It looked a little like a pronga but without the jutting lower jaw and more heavily built. Probably a cumbersome thing if it was from Earth. When Jack looked up and stared back at her she bit her lip. Those eyes. John's eyes. Open. Quizzical. Totally disarming. Chiana put her daughter down and walked over to Aeryn.

"Hey, come on in. If you keep standing in the doorway you'll let all the heat out."

The Sebacean gave her a blank look. Chiana chuckled. "You may be many thing Aeryn Sun but you make a terrible door."

She smiled at the words, so reminiscent of Crichton's phrasing, his humour tinging Chiana's words. Did the Nebari know how much they hurt her? How much all the reminders told her what a fool she had been? But she had not come here to fight. Did not want to wallow in self pity where none was necessary. She had never been good with emotions. They made her weak and soldiers could not afford to be weak. Chiana closed the door.

"You want something to drink?"

Aeryn nodded.

"We got some fellip nectar? Nothing fancy, no razlac, no Hynerian rooglash. Though you'd have to be totally tinked to touch that stuff with a jinka pole."

"Fellip nectar will be fine, thanks Chiana."

Chiana smiled. It was good when Aeryn *played nice* as Crichton would have put it. She knew it must be costing the Sebacean a lot so did not push her luck. She got the drink and handed it to Aeryn then waved her through to some seating. She gave the children a look for them to be on their best behaviour. For once, they actually seemed to take the warning to heart. Besides, both of them were fascinated by Aeryn. The aloof ex-Peace Keeper was a hero in their eyes. Her manner simply made her more mysterious to them. So they watched, stretched their ears, and stayed quiet.

"So," Said Chiana. "What'ya want to talk about?"

"Who says I want to talk?"

Chiana took a microt to take another sip from her own bottle. "Okay." She said slowly. "Let's *not* talk."

For several microts there was complete silence. The children got bored and started to play some frodank game that involved a lot of running about but oddly enough little noise. Aeryn looked at Chiana. "We need to talk."

Her host nodded and just waited. Chiana knew Aeryn felt awkward talking in front of the children, but what could she do? D'Argo would not watch over them again this soon after handing them over and Rygel had made himself very scarce just so Chiana could not ask him, and she did not want to anger Pilot by dumping them in his den like she had twelve arns ago. No. If Aeryn
wanted to talk the smaller ears would be listening as well.

"I want..." Aeryn paused. "I need to know..." She sighed. "I'm no good at this, Chiana."

"You're doing fine, Aeryn." Said Chiana in an unexpectedly soft voice.

Aeryn stared at her. "You've grown up."

"You mean for a tralk."

Aeryn winced. Her reaction surprised and pleased Chiana. "I like to think I've grown up too." She responded quietly.

Chiana resisted the urge to be flippant. Aeryn still wore a pulse gun and knew how to use it with deadly accuracy. "What do you want to know?"

Aeryn sipped the drink slowly. "Everything." Her wandering eyes came back to rest on Chiana's. Barriers sliding down. A painful but necessary adjunct to a truce. "After you left....with John. I need to know..."

"How we got together?" Chiana asked softly. "Why he chose to stay with me?"

Aeryn swallowed. Knew she had no right to ask. None of her frelling business but to her heart it was her business. Even after all this time it was hard to let go. She nodded, not trusting her voice.

"Those first monens were hard, Aeryn." Tears glistened in the Nebari's eyes. There was pain in them as well, old wounds opening but hushed closed again as love filtered through in a healing balm. "You need to understand something Aeryn. I have always loved John. Don't ask me how or why it happened but right from that first microt when I was in the pleeking control collar in Moya's cell and John brought me food." Her eyes took on a faraway look. Lost in memory. "He was so gentle," She said softly. "So caring. I was mesmerised. I looked into those alien eyes of his and saw something I've never seen in another species before. Something that threw me so hard I couldn't make sense of it for the longest time."

"What? What did you see?"

"Honesty. Understanding. Compassion." She paused, her eyes focussing on Aeryn. "Isn't that the dradest thing? Nebari have lived in the Uncharted Territories and beyond for thousands of years, yet this new speices, this niave human gets thrown into our path and manages to touch us all with just a look. It was so unexpected. It frightened me. Reassured me. Calmed me and made me feel I could trust him. Do you know how frodank that was back then? With all the chaos and the war raging, this strange gentle creature just cut through all that with one look. A kind word softly spoken." Chiana swallowed. "It broke my heart."

Aeryn caught her breath in surprise. "Broke your heart? Why d'you say that?"

She had not meant to sound so harsh but the words surprised her. She did not like being surprised. Did not trust the emotions it roused in her.

"It hurt because it only went one way, Aeryn. I didn't realise it at the time. Thought it was just attraction, you know? Male of the species, only it wasn't *my* species. I put it down to that time and time again, kept trying to interest him with my sex. It worked with other species why not
his? But he wasn't like that. He was human and humans are more complicated than that. They have to work things out, take the journey with the mind before the body can follow. Trouble was in that time he fell for you."

Aeryn said nothing. The room was quiet. The children sat hushed in the shadows and listened, not wanting to remind their mother that they were still there in case she sent them out of the room. The tactic appeared to be working.

"You'll never know how much it hurt to see the way you treated him. He fell so hard and had nothing soft to land on. You treated him like trat, always sharp and impatient. Insulting him and then playing him along just so you could drop him flat again."

Aeryn opened her mouth to protest then closed it again without saying anything. Chiana was right. That was exactly what she had been doing.

"You wasted cycles, Aeryn." She said softly. "And I hated you every microt of them. Every time you hurt him I just wanted to throw you out of the nearest airlock. Then it occurred to me that you were handicapped, a prisoner of your own emotions. Lost and trapped and unable to break out of
your Peace Keeper training and think and feel like other people. Your own worst enemy, Aeryn. That's what John called you."

Tears broke and fell silently down Aeryn's face. Chiana was sorry, not that she had told Aeryn but that she had hurt her. Aeryn swallowed hard. The bottle in her hand empty, gripped in her hand so tight that the flesh had turned white. Chiana remembered she was the host. "You want another drink?"

Aeryn could only nod. Chiana freed the bottle from her grasp and fetched another couple of bottles. Aeryn gratefully took a deep swig from hers then looked at Chiana. "Go on."

"Look, we can have this conversation later if you want..."

"No." Aeryn shook her head. She had to do this while her resolve was still strong. While there was no John Crichton to distract her. "I need to know."

Chiana nodded. "Okay. For the longest time John tried every way he could think of to thaw you out. He always loved you Aeryn and he still does, only he is no longer *in love* with you. You couldn't love him back. Not the way he wanted. Not the way he needed. Then when the neural clone took him over..." Her voice broke and it took her several microts to recompose herself and go on. "You died. He never got over that. Even though part of him knew it was not his fault, not his doing, another part of him knew it was. The diagonosan removed the chip, Aeryn, but not in time." There were tears now in Chiana's eyes. "Before the surgery could be finished and the damage repaired Scorpius appeared, stole the chip and killed the diagnosan and his assistant. You should have seen him Aeryn, he couldn't speak, his head was cut open and all you could see in his eyes was the pain. The pain of what he had done, of what Scorpius had done to him. How much he had lost and how helpless he was to put anything right."

A long silence ensued. Aeryn finished her drink and Chiana handed her another bottle. "We thought you were dying. John thought you were already dead, no sense telling him different. We thought it was arns at the most so why put him through your death a second time? None of us could be that cruel. We put you in a cryo chamber. Nobody knew if the Living Death could be overcome or not. We expected to use it to send you off on your last journey, you know, fired into the sun or exploded into a nebula. Whatever Sebaceans do to honour their dead. Maybe do what we did for Gilina. Anyway, John was in a terrible state. Everybody was grieving. Zhaan kept blaming herself because she could not fix John and did not know how to help you. All she could do was sew John back up and give him something for the pain but the pain was getting worse, the nightmares worst than hezmana. I couldn't bear to see him like that. No one knew what to do for the best. Then the war was over. The Nebari Resistance was disbanded and Nerri came looking for me." A smile of joy relieved her sad lips. "You don't know how much that meant to me, Aeryn. That was when I had the idea. Okay, so it was crazy, farhbot and I was tinked to Xelocan and back, but hey - what did we have to lose? I would take him with us and find the best Nebari physicians. We would do all we could to help him, get John put back together again. So that's what we did."

"What *you* did." Said Aeryn softly. Then even softer she added, "Thank you, Chiana."

Her words made Chiana cry.

"Thank you for loving John when I couldn't. For being there when I was too much of a coward."

"You were on the point of death, Aeryn. Nothing you could've done. We all knew that."

"Except John thought I was dead."

"Yeah."

Another long pause. Another bottle of fellip nectar. "How did Zhaan get involved?"

"As I understand it from talking to D'Argo when I left with John and Nerri, Zhaan decided to do what she could for you. They tried everything but nothing worked. You were slipping further and further into delirium. Then Zhaan had a truly fahrbot idea about channeling her energy, her lifeforce, into yours. Stark apparently went kinkoid, but Zhaan managed to convince him it was what she wanted to do. Needed to do. I don't know how she did that, still don't know. Not sure I want to. So Zhaan exchanged her life for yours. The others decided that as me and John were making a new life together it would be best to say nothing unless the subject came up. But many monens passed Aeryn, and we didn't see or hear anything from Moya for five cycles.."

"And no one told me the truth."

"No one wanted to hurt you, Aeryn." Said Chiana gently.

"And now John loves you."

It was not a question. Chiana smiled gently. "Yeah. I didn't really think it would happen, Aeryn. Wasn't expecting it. All I wanted was to give him his life back, or as much of it as I could. Nerri was wealthy by Nebari standards, he'd been lavished with honours and riches for his part in the
success of the rebellion. He was a hero. And because he's my brother and loves me, anything and everything he had was also mine. Now he's an important and integral part of the new Nebari Reconstruction." Chiana looked proud. "Freedom, Aeryn. For *all* our people. No more mind clensing. No more frelling with other peoples' lives."

Aeryn raised an eyebrow at the passion in Chiana's voice but stayed silent. She knew the Nabari was close to her brother but had not realised how close. Had not even given it a thought. Aeryn realised how nice it would have been to have siblings but the Peace Keepers did not allow that.
Emotional ties like filial ones were not permitted let alone encouraged. In the Peace Keepers every soldier was an orphan. Every one of them married to the PK code. What kind of unfeeling monsters had they been turned into? Was it any wonder she did not know how to love John Crichton? Why her own feelings of self loathing coloured everything she did and thought? Was she incapable of loving anyone? Of letting anyone love her? She thought of Velorek and knew the answer. Thought about Larraq. The temptations of John Crichton struck her too close to home, left her with no defences except panic. No direction to go except in the opposite direction to him, yet she had also recognised a tie, a bond, that kept her returning to him no matter where he was. Now that tie had been broken. He had made other connections. Connections that did not include her. How did she feel about that? How could she cope with the emotional fallout of something she herself had set in motion in a doomsday cycle so long ago? Was it any wonder that she would spend the rest of her life extracting the shrapnel from her heart and mind? In a way she was grateful to Chiana for doing something she had never learned how to do. But another part of her was eaten up with jealousy and rage. Sorrow and loss. Exasperation and dispair. And it was all her own fault.

"I'm sorry about Patri."

Chiana's words shook Aeryn out of her painful reverie. "What?"

"Patri. Your friend. I'm sorry she died."

A different kind of sadness and pain clouded Aeryn's eyes. "She was brave right until the end."

Chiana watched Aeryn closely. "You should go and speak to the others."

Aeryn looked baffled. Lost almost. "Others?"

"Yeah, the other Sebaceans. John had them all piled on to Moya so the other Nebari ships could go with him and Esak. It might help if they saw a face they knew."

"I only really knew Patri."

What she did not say was that she had not mixed with the others. Her decision not theirs. More barriers raised. More regrets.

"I hear Patri's sister has been asking for you."

That shook Aeryn. "Sister?" She had not known Patri had a sister. What else had she blocked out in her single minded push for survival and forgetfulness?

"Yeah. Her name's Shoni."

Suddenly Aeryn needed to see her. More than anything else. She got to her feet, only a little unsteady. "Where are they?"

"Are you sure you want to do this now, Aeryn?"

Steely eyes fastened on Chiana. "Yes. It *has* to be now."

Chiana nodded and told her which tier they were on. As Aeryn lurched out of the door Chiana could not help wondering. Who would be able to heal the once Radiant Aeryn Sun?

* * * * *
END