Title: Broken

Author: Laura Lee

Rating: PG

Category: PWP?

Pairing: None

Teaser: At some point, Fraser and Stan separate their lives while searching for The Hand. A possible truth behind their separation.(A very brief piece)

Thank muchly and the Mountie is on the way, Amanda, for the quick beta read! Thanks for the offer, Kim. Sorry, but I'm just an impatient soul...

 

Broken
by Laura Lee


*
4 September 2002*

"It's interesting what determines an enemy. It can be a life changing event causing two people to end up on opposite sides of the law. It can be a moment of extreme pain.

"Or it can be the most simple thing in the world."

~
16 October 2003~

Fraser looked back at the pages of the open journal, wanting badly to weep, but not allowing it. He felt so alone at times like this. He'd made one mistake during those years in Chicago. He let it get personal. He'd let his polite façade hide the truth beneath. After all that, he'd made the mistake of trusting.

Realizing now that he should have seen it coming, he glanced back at the pages of the journal.

*
15 August 2001*

"I knew today when I looked into his eyes that it was pointless to continue the journey. I should have known he could never adjust to my life. In Chicago I'd always had to follow him. I could be myself, but he was more or less in charge because he understood. He understood the wildlife, the
terrain, and all that comes with it, but this was my terrain. This was what I understood. Now I was in charge and he didn't like it. He couldn't handle letting someone else be in charge. He couldn't let someone else give the orders.

"Perhaps it lies deeper, though. Perhaps it is more personal. After all, I know this area and he does not. I know the way and he does not.

"Many times I saw that streak. I watched him take control of a situation using whatever techniques were necessary. Sometimes it was violence, often it was manipulation of the situation.

"The problem here is that he cannot manipulate me. I allowed it for so long because he was in charge of the friendship in his world, but now I'm in charge because it's my world and he can't handle it."

~~

Ray had confused Fraser's standing up for himself to be his backing down on Ray. He'd confused his ability to manipulate for power. He'd misunderstood Fraser. It was obvious now that Ray  never really knew who Fraser was.

Fraser lifted his head and looked out into the falling snow. The stupid thing, he now knew, was that Ray had hid behind an excuse. Fraser could hardly remember what it was, but the point was there wasn't one. It wasn't reality. Ray had pushed him completely from his life over something he had blown out of proportion. He let his imagination mix with reality until he didn't know the difference anymore.

*
2 September 2001*

"When I first began to understand what was wrong, I wanted things to be better between us. I wanted them to return to the state of peace. I wanted to be forgiven for imperfections. I understood the art of unconditional love between friends, but he did not. Perhaps I only thought I understood because now I am glad. Our separateness is what allows me to progress rather than be held back. I have faith in myself and the world. He wanted to control me and I didn't let him. The thing Ray clings to most is his ability to control a situation or a person, but I no longer allowed it."

~~

Fraser hardly recognized himself in the words. They were angry. It was years of anger, years of repeated pain building up and finally being released. He held the pages in his hands and tried to find the courage to tear them out, to remove them from his life so that he wouldn't have to admit that he had emotions. As though the papers were not tearable, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead he closed the book and slipped it back between the blankets.

Emotions come
And go
Leaving behind a rough tear.
Ripped fabric
Grating my teeth and my heart.

Manipulation with amazing precision.
Sharing so much for this return?
The taste of venom still bitter
Acidic burning the flesh

Kindness bites
Friends more severe

Tired of letting them in
Tired more of letting go
Let in one more.
That was the mistake.

A seed of black
Grows into nothing more than all consuming frustration.

I've learned from my mistakes
Some of them
But others take a repeated pounding
To find a home in my heart

Betrayed by an open mind
Enemy to an idea.
Reality is so much more than this
.



THE END
vbrooks@if.rmci.net