Title: Noir sur le Noir (Black on Black)

Author/pseudonym: Caroline Crane

Fandom: Dead Man on Campus

Paring: Josh/Cooper

Rating: NC17

Status: new/complete

Archive: yes to list archives

Series/Sequel: Part 4 of the "Senior Year" AU series, follows "Falling".

Other parts can be found on my site.

Disclaimers: God bless MTV and Viacom for this inane, sophomoric little piece of film that I watched by accident and haven't stopped slashing since.

Notes: Dedicated to my old friend Rob, who spent most of high school letting me dress him up in girl's clothes and teaching him how to apply eyeliner. Here's hoping he's still out there someplace wearing his favorite black mini skirt with pride.

Summary: Josh and Cooper meet up in Paris, and Josh finds out the hard way that sometimes life really isn't fair. But not before he gets to have a little fun first.

Warnings: well there's makeup, but not in a bad way

Noir sur le Noir (Black on Black)
by Caroline Crane

Josh closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the seat, telling himself again that he didn’t wish Cooper had just agreed to meet him in New York City. He had a feeling Cooper would have given him a hard time about running out on his group and causing a major incident anyway, but he really wasn’t looking forward to the flight to Paris. The flight from Indiana to New York and then the layover had been uncomfortable enough. He knew the guy that had ended up sitting next to him on the short trip to New York wished that he was anywhere else, and while the rest of the French Club talked about the trip during their layover he’d kept to himself and done his best to make sure they all forgot he was there.

He’d amused himself by picturing his classmates drawing straws to decide who had to sit next to him all the way to Paris; most of them wouldn’t even look at him, and the ones that did treated him like he was contagious. Which would have been almost funny if some of the people in his town didn’t actually believe that they could catch something from him. He wasn’t smart enough to lay low, though – oh, no, he’d actually encouraged his boyfriend to show up at the hotel and cause what he was sure was going to be a huge scene. At the time it had seemed like a great idea, because it meant he got to see Cooper and that was really all he’d cared about.

After sitting in JFK International while the entire French Club ignored him he wasn’t sure anymore if Cooper meeting him in Paris was a good thing. Everybody at school already treated him like a leper, and when his mom found out what he and Cooper were up to he’d be lucky if she let him speak to Cooper anymore. Scott and Randy hadn’t touched him since that first time, but he wasn’t blind and he saw the way people looked at him and whispered just loud enough for him to overhear. The whole thing just made him feel like even more of a freak than ever, and the only time he ever really felt even close to normal was when he was talking to Cooper.

He stifled a groan when he felt someone slide into the seat next to him, drawing himself as far as he could into the tiny coach seat that didn’t allow nearly enough room for his legs. If he could just sleep all the way to Paris then there would only be one more day before he was touching Cooper again, breathing the same air as him and feeling Cooper’s voice against his skin as he whispered in Josh’s ear. Every time he thought about it his entire body flushed, and he hadn’t been able to think about anything else for weeks.

"Switch with me."

The familiar voice startled Josh out of his thoughts and he opened his eyes, swallowing a rush of fear as he found himself staring back at Randy’s younger sister Emily. "What?"

"Switch seats, my legs are a lot shorter than yours and I can’t watch you sit there for eight hours all twisted up like a pretzel."

The thought that this might all be part of some joke at his expense crossed his mind even as he stood up to let her into the window seat. He sat down carefully, stretching his legs into the aisle a little as he refastened his seat belt.

"Better?"

"Uh…yeah. Thanks."

Emily grinned and dropped her purse in her lap, digging through the contents until she found a pack of gum and offered him a piece. He didn’t realize he was eyeing it suspiciously until she laughed and took a piece out of the pack, unwrapping it and popping it in her mouth. "See? Not even poisoned. Geez, Miller, lighten up. You’ve been acting jumpy since we left the school. I mean I can understand why, I heard about what Randy and Scott did. Unlike my brother, though, I’m not a homophobic moron."

Josh blinked and finally took the piece of gum she held out to him. "You mean you didn’t just draw the short straw?"

"What, because I’m sitting with you? No, I switched with Eric. He’s up front drooling on Kelly or Heather, I can never remember which one he’s got a thing for."

"Heather. He’s been drooling over her since the seventh grade."

Emily nodded and dropped her purse under the seat before she turned to face Josh again. "Look, I know you don’t really even know me. I mean if it wasn’t for French Club we’d probably never even talk to each other, I’m just a junior and you’re one of my brother’s. . .well, you used to be one of my brother’s friends." She paused and gave him a wry grin. "Not that that’s much of a loss. But you can’t spend the whole trip trying to make yourself invisible. I mean if that’s the plan you should have just stayed in Sandborn."

He still wasn’t sure what she wanted, but the idea of trying to keep a low profile while Cooper was anywhere near him struck him as funny and before he could stop himself he was laughing. "Believe me, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem."

"Why? You planning another scene like the one at the party? Scott still won’t shut up about walking in on you and that guy, you know. Where’d you find him, anyway?"

Josh’s eyebrows shot up as he imagined what Scott had been telling people. It didn’t really surprise him that his former friend would embellish what he’d actually walked in on, after all it wasn’t that interesting a story if he told the truth. "I met him in New York when I went to the Mock United Nations," Josh answered. "And Scott didn’t walk in on anything, by the way."

"I knew he was lying," she said, her eyes lighting up in a way that made Josh shift uncomfortably in his seat. He had a weird feeling that she was being completely sincere, but her sudden interest in him was a little unsettling. "So was he lying about those guys threatening him and Randy too?"

"What guys?"

"Right after they jumped you at school," she answered, frowning as she looked at him and saw genuine confusion in his eyes. "Didn’t you hear? A couple days later somebody called both of them and told them if they knew what was good for them they’d leave you alone. I guess they were too embarrassed to tell anybody at school, but it must have scared them because I heard them talking about it at home. Randy still wanted to finish what they started but Scott talked him out of it. They said that guy you brought to the party was like in the mob or something."

Josh opened his mouth and then closed it again when he realized there was no way he could possibly answer that. He’d thought it was a little strange that Randy and Scott had just backed off after that first time, but he’d tried not to think about it much because somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that if he did he’d jump to exactly the right conclusion. Cooper had offered to make a phone call, after all, and even though Josh had laughed off the possibility at the time it was the only explanation. "Cooper knows a lot of people," he finally said when he looked back at Emily and found her staring at him.

"So you and this Cooper guy. . .you’re still together? Doesn’t he live in New York or something?"

He was so busy wondering when the details of his relationship had become public information that it took him a few seconds to register the question. "Yeah. . .he’s from Buffalo," he finally said. Only Cooper wasn’t in Buffalo right now; in fact he was already on his way to Milan, and by the time they got done with their train tour he’d probably be waiting in the hotel in Paris. Josh’s stomach flipped and he swallowed the rush of nerves that always accompanied the thought of seeing Cooper again.

"Josh? You okay?"

Okay – that was a word he wasn’t sure would ever apply to him again, but he nodded anyway and forced himself to look at his seatmate. He wasn’t sure why this girl that he’d never really talked to before was suddenly interested in being his friend, but she was the only person to talk to at the moment and it didn’t seem to bother her that he had a boyfriend. Besides, she was going to find out along with everybody else the minute they walked into the hotel and he saw Cooper again. "Just nervous."

"Don’t be, flying is safer than driving a car," she said, glancing out the window as the plane finally started to taxi down the runway. "Once we take off you won’t even feel it."

"No, it’s not the plane." He swallowed convulsively when she turned away from the window, raising her eyebrows expectantly. He wasn’t sure if just coming out and telling her was the best idea he’d ever had, but he couldn’t sit there next to her for eight hours and pretend there was nothing bothering him. "Cooper’s. . .he’s kind of. . .he’s meeting us. . .I mean me. . .he’s meeting me at the hotel in Paris."

"Really?" Josh nodded, relaxing marginally when she grinned at him. "Wow, that’s so romantic. He’s flying all the way to Paris just to see you?"

"Well technically he’s flying to Milan, then he’s catching a train to Paris," Josh said, but it was obvious from her dreamy smile that she wasn’t interested in technical details.

"That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard," she said, sighing dramatically as she leaned a little closer to Josh and dropped her voice to a whisper. "Your life is way more interesting than anybody’s back home. A rich boyfriend with ties to the mob that’s flying all the way to Europe just to be with you. . .nothing like that is ever going to happen to me."

Josh laughed as the rest of the tension flowed out of him, letting himself get caught up in her enthusiasm. She was right, it really was romantic if he stopped to think about it. He tried not to, because whenever he did his stomach filled with butterflies and he always worried that he’d chicken out and cancel the trip completely. Now that he was actually on the plane, though, there was no turning back and it couldn’t hurt to think about it. In less than 48 hours he’d be with Cooper again, and no matter how much trouble he got in for inviting his boyfriend on a school trip he knew it would be worth it.

~

When he boarded the train in Milan he was almost looking forward to the trip, but by the time they crossed the border into France and Cooper had to switch trains the novelty of traveling the Eurail had begun to wear a little thin. If he hadn’t gotten stuck in a car with that exhausted-looking woman and her two obnoxious kids he might have actually gotten some sleep, but instead he spent most of the night staring out the window and trying to ignore the sound of her yelling at her kids in some language he didn’t understand.

At least this train wasn’t as packed as the last one had been; he still had at least four hours before they got to Paris and with any luck he could find an empty car and get a couple hours of sleep. Not that he thought he’d actually be able to fall asleep when he knew he’d be seeing Josh in just a few hours, but he didn’t really want to show up at the hotel looking like he hadn’t slept since he left New York. He glanced in each compartment as he made his way through the train, scowling irritably at the sleeping teenagers taking up every available seat. He was about to give up and go on to the next car when a door at the end of the row opened and a dark-haired teenager wearing a black tee shirt and a pair of black jeans stepped into the aisle.

Cooper’s heart skipped a beat as he registered the familiar lines of the body moving toward him. Josh’s head was down so he hadn’t seen Cooper yet, but it was definitely him. "Josh."

Josh’s head snapped up at the sound of the familiar voice, his eyes wide as he stopped in the middle of the aisle and stared at Cooper. Shock looked just as good on him as nervous did, Cooper decided as he closed the distance between them and stopped just in front of the other boy. Josh looked tired, like he hadn’t gotten much sleep since he left home either. His eyes were a little red and his clothes were rumpled, his hair was a little longer than Cooper remembered and. . .was he wearing eyeliner? The idea of Josh in makeup didn’t add up, but those were definitely black smudges under his eyes and damn if he didn’t look even sexier all travel-weary with left-over makeup smeared under his eyes.

"Cooper? What are you. . .how. . .?" That seemed to be all Josh’s brain could manage, because after that he stopped trying to talk and leaned forward, grabbing the lapels of Cooper’s jacket and hauling him forward for a kiss. As soon as their lips met Cooper sighed and took hold of Josh’s hips, backing him toward the wall. Josh’s hands were already moving on his back, trying to pull him impossibly closer as he pressed the other boy into the wall. Maybe it was just the fact that they hadn’t been expecting to see each other on the train, or maybe it was just that they’d both spent so much time thinking about this moment that made it seem so much more intense, but either way Cooper wasn’t sure he ever needed to breathe or sleep or do anything ever again besides kiss Josh.

Eventually they had to come up for air, and he released the other boy’s lips and pulled away just enough to look up and mirror Josh’s stunned grin. "And here I was getting sick of sitting on the train."

Josh opened his mouth and then closed it again, reaching up and tracing the outline of Cooper’s lips just to make sure he was really there. "What are you doing here?"

"Going to Paris to meet my boyfriend," Cooper answered. "But you’ll do."

That nervous grin that Cooper pictured every time he closed his eyes lit up Josh’s features then, and he shook his head. "So you just happen to be on the same train as me?"

"You never told me what train you were taking," Cooper reminded him. "No way could I have planned this. I mean if you want I can go find another car and pretend I don’t know you until we get to Paris. . ."

Josh pushed himself off the wall and grabbed Cooper’s hand, hauling him forward for another hard kiss before he turned back in the direction of the compartment he’d stepped out of. "Not a chance. Come on."

Cooper grinned at the back of his head and let Josh drag him into the compartment, stopping short when he realized it wasn’t empty. Brown hair, brown eyes – pretty in a nondescript way, but as soon as she caught sight of their entwined hands her features lit up in a grin that made Cooper think she knew something he should know.

"Don’t tell me," Emily said, raising her eyebrows at Josh.

He pushed Cooper gently onto the seat across from her and sat down before he turned back to Emily. "Emily, this is Cooper. Cooper, this is Emily, she’s in French Club with me. I just walked out the door and there he was. Weird coincidence, huh?"

She shook her head and tried her best to look annoyed with the two of them, but she didn’t quite manage to erase her amused grin. "Man, nothing like that is ever gonna happen to me. And now I guess I have to get my own water, too. Figures."

"Sorry," Josh said, his smile fading as he remembered the reason he’d been in the aisle to run into Cooper in the first place. "I totally forgot, I’ll go."

"Yeah, right," Emily said, rolling her eyes. "Cooper, you want anything?"

"Thanks, I’ve got everything I want," Cooper answered, his attention shifting back to Josh as she laughed and let herself out of the compartment. When they were alone Josh finally turned to look at him, leaning close enough to run his free hand through Cooper’s hair. Neither of them were sure how long they sat there just looking at each other, one of them leaning forward occasionally to press warm lips to the side of a neck or a cheek or a soft mouth. Josh was the first one to break the silence, with a whispered ‘I can’t believe you’re really here’ that made Cooper smile just because it was exactly the kind of thing Josh would say.

"Who’s your friend?" Cooper asked, glancing quickly in the direction of the door before he turned his attention back to Josh.

"Who, Emily?" Cooper nodded and shifted a little closer to the other boy as Josh smiled. "You remember Randy, the guy with the house? Emily’s his little sister. She’s a junior, we sat together on the plane and got to talking. I think she feels bad for being related to Randy in the first place. I told her all about you."

"Yeah? So she’s not gonna freak out if she walks back in here while I’m doing this?" He leaned forward and covered Josh’s mouth with his, smiling against the other boy’s lips as something like a whimper escaped Josh’s throat. When they parted again Josh rested his forehead against Cooper’s, giving him a slightly distorted close-up of the dark smudges under his eyes. It was weird to see Josh wearing all black, let alone looking like the world’s most innocent club kid after an all-night rave. "Josh, why are you wearing eyeliner?"

"Wha. . .oh, shit. I’ll kill her."

"Kill who?" Cooper asked. An image of Emily putting makeup on Josh while he was sleeping flashing in Cooper’s mind, maybe as a joke or just because she was bored. If that was the case Cooper wasn’t about to let Josh kill her – in fact he was contemplating buying her a car just to show his appreciation.

"Emily," Josh groaned, closing his eyes as Cooper’s hand landed on his cheek to stroke along his cheekbone. "We got bored on the plane, and somehow she managed to talk me into letting her put that stuff on my eyes. I can’t believe I forgot to take it off and she just let me walk around like this all day."

Thank God for teenage girls with too much time on their hands, Cooper thought as he watched Josh blush. His eyes were still closed, his lips parted slightly as Cooper kept up a slow stroking motion along his cheek, and the affect made Cooper’s groin tighten in anticipation of finally getting Josh alone in a hotel room. "Well I’m glad you forgot to take it off. It was worth the whole trip just to see you like this."

"You have a thing for makeup now?" Josh asked, his eyes fluttering open to glare suspiciously at Cooper.

Cooper’s head shook against the seat, a lazy grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I have a thing for you, Josh. And right now you look really, really hot."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah." Cooper closed the last inch of space between them and opened his mouth against Josh’s throat, licking and nipping along smooth, salty skin. He stopped just below Josh’s earlobe and began to suck, smiling at the throaty chuckle that escaped Josh's throat as soon as he realized what Cooper was doing.

"Cooper. . ." Low, throaty voice, an octave lower than usual and breathless already. "If you start that now there’s no way we’re making it all the way to Paris. They’ll throw us off the train."

Cooper ignored him until he was sure the mark would last, then he pulled back to plant a soft kiss on Josh’s lips. "I told you I wanted a whole day just to kiss you," he said, punctuating his words with another press of lips on lips. "Since we’re here and we’ve got nothing better to do I might as well get started."

"I don’t think I can survive a whole day of just kissing," Josh murmured as Cooper’s lips trailed along his jaw and then back again. When he reached Josh’s mouth again he parted his lips, teasing the other boy’s mouth open with his tongue. Josh groaned and pulled him closer, strong hands finding their way under Cooper’s jacket.

"Okay," Cooper said when they parted again, his lazy grin returning as he listened to the sound of their harsh breathing. "So we’ll call it four hours or so of just kissing, that should get us to the hotel."

For a second Josh seemed to actually contemplate the compromise, but finally he nodded and leaned forward again. "I can live with that," he murmured against Cooper’s mouth.

"Good, because you know what comes next."

A shiver rolled through Josh’s body at the remembered promise, as though the words themselves had reached out and caressed him. "You’re gonna fuck me until I can’t remember my name. That’s not the kind of promise you tend to forget."

Josh’s whole body flushed as he listened to himself say the words; he never felt comfortable saying that kind of stuff, even after months of Cooper whispering to him over the phone while they jerked off together. He chalked it up to the fact that he was in a foreign country and still reeling from the fact that Cooper was sitting next to him, more or less sharing the same space in the center of the bench seat. As soon as he said the words out loud Cooper groaned, and it was worth any lingering embarrassment Josh felt as the other boy pulled him forward and planted a hard kiss on him.

They vaguely registered the sound of the door opening, taking their time pulling away from each other to glance over at the source of the interruption. When Josh finally turned glassy, slightly unfocused eyes on Emily he found her grinning unrepentantly, obviously not at all embarrassed at the fact that she was staring. "Here’s your Coke," she announced as she handed over Josh’s soda. "And I brought one for you, too," she added as she turned her attention to Cooper. "You look like you could use it."

"Thanks," he said, taking the bottle and twisting the cap off as he stared back at her.

"So you’re the guy that put the hit out on my brother," she said as she watched him take a long drink of lukewarm soda. He swallowed too hard and coughed, stealing a glance at Josh before he turned back to her.

"I did not."

"Okay, maybe that was wishful thinking," she said, grinning a little wider at his expression. "But I know you did something. Scott’s scared to even look at Josh."

Suddenly Cooper knew how Scott felt, because he wasn’t at all sure he wanted to look over and see the expression on Josh’s face. If he knew anything about what Cooper had done he hadn’t mentioned it, so either that meant he wasn’t mad or it meant he was just finding out. "I didn’t do anything. Okay, I made one, maybe two phone calls to an uncle in Chicago that knows a few people. But they were just supposed to be suggestions." Finally he forced himself to look over at Josh, his heart skipping a beat at the other boy’s unreadable expression. "I couldn’t just wait around for it to happen again, Josh. I mean you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place if it wasn’t for me."

"I don’t want to talk about it right now," Josh said. He looked over at Emily long enough to make sure she knew he meant it before he turned back to Cooper again.

"Josh..."

"Later, okay?" He leaned forward and pressed their lips together again, willing away the rush of fear that came along with thinking about Cooper’s family. "Right now we’re still on kissing," he whispered, leaning close to Cooper’s ear so Emily wouldn’t overhear him. "Then there’s that other thing. Talking comes after that."

A nod and a convulsive swallow were Josh’s only indication that Cooper was willing to let the subject drop until they didn’t have an audience. Part of him wanted to talk about it now, to finally just tell Cooper how nervous the thought of his family made Josh. He couldn’t ask Emily to get lost, though, especially not considering she seemed to be the only person in his hometown aside from his mother that didn’t think he was diseased. He still hadn’t figured that one out, because regardless of how much Emily hated her older brother she was still a member of the richest family in Sandborn. So maybe she was just being nice to him because she knew it would piss her parents off, but it was better than nothing. He squeezed the hand that was still entwined with his and changed the subject, hoping the next four hours would pass quickly so he could finally get Cooper alone.

~

As it turned out the subway ride from the train station to the hotel was even more tedious than the train ride, because they were surrounded by not only Josh’s classmates but the teacher that was chaperoning the trip. That didn’t stop him from sitting next to Cooper, although they were already starting to get weird looks from his teacher and he knew eventually she’d start demanding answers. He just hoped she’d wait until after they got to the hotel and had some time to get settled in their rooms, because he didn’t want to think about anything except Cooper until they got a chance to be alone for awhile.

When they finally got to the hotel he waited impatiently while Ms. Timmons handed out room assignments, then followed the rest of the group up to the third floor. When his teacher finally let herself into her own room he slipped back into the stairwell, ignoring the curious glances of the guy he was supposed to share a room with and a few other students that were still gathered in the hallway. He focused his attention on getting back down to the lobby before Cooper finished checking in, telling himself it didn’t bother him that the kids from school were probably already thinking up new rumors to spread about him when they got back to Indiana.

By the time he got back to the lobby the concierge was handing over Cooper’s key, and he forgot all about the looks on the other kids’ faces and focused completely on the boy standing in front of him. Cooper turned and caught Josh’s eye, grinning as he reached for his suitcase and crossed the lobby to stop in front of the other boy. "That was fast."

"Not fast enough for me," Josh answered, leaning close enough to breathe in the scent of expensive cologne as he followed Cooper toward the stairs.

"Well lucky for you we’re on the first floor so we don’t have far to go. I paid extra to get a room away from that obnoxious group of teenagers."

Josh laughed as he stopped next to the door Cooper indicated and waited for the other boy to remember where he’d put the key. When they finally got inside he dropped his bag on a small table near the door and turned to watch Cooper set his suitcase down on the luggage rack. He grinned as he realized that he wouldn’t even know that that was what it was for if it wasn’t for Cooper; this was only his third hotel experience and every one of them had been with Cooper.

He sank onto the edge of the bed and looked around the room, only vaguely registering details as Cooper turned back toward him. He watched while the other boy slid his jacket off and dropped it on top of his suitcase, then he slowly made his way across the room to stop in front of Josh.

"You should wear black more often."

"Goes with the makeup, anyway," Josh answered, a crooked grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as Cooper smiled at him. Less than a second later he was flat on his back with Cooper on top of him, supporting himself on his elbows as he looked down at Josh.

Cooper reached out and pushed a few wayward locks of hair away from Josh’s forehead, letting his fingers trail down Josh’s cheek to the mark on his neck. "I love you."

"I love you too," Josh whispered around the lump in his throat. He’d thought it was cool enough hearing that over the phone, but to look in Cooper’s eyes and see the emotion as he heard the words was almost overwhelming. The way Cooper smiled when he said it back, though – that made it worth all the waiting, all the anticipation and even the questions he was going to have to answer when his teacher and his mother got a hold of him again.

"You’re gonna get in trouble when your teacher figures out who I am, aren’t you?"

"Probably." Josh slid his hands down Cooper’s sides and under his shirt, smiling at the shiver that rolled through the body on top of him. "Didn’t we say we were gonna talk later?"

"Right," Cooper murmured. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Josh’s, one hand working its way between them to push Josh’s tee shirt up his chest. If they weren’t looking for Josh already they would be soon, but even the risk that the concierge might tell the chaperone where they were wasn’t enough to make him stop. Not after four hours on a train together, making small talk with Emily and then finally falling asleep with Josh’s head pressed against his shoulder. It was weird how much he’d enjoyed the train ride despite the fact that all they could do was touch. He was still getting used to being with someone that he could just enjoy hanging out with, let alone talk to for hours with 600 miles between them.

Even now that they were finally alone with little chance of interruption he found himself wanting to take his time, getting to know every inch of Josh all over again. After four hours of not being able to do more than kiss he was surprised he wasn’t tearing their clothes off, but he remembered Josh’s reaction to that when he’d first showed up in Indiana and he wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. He wanted things to be perfect for the next six days, because it was the last chance they had to be together until they both graduated from high school.

He paused when Josh began tugging more urgently at his shirt, tearing his mouth away from the other boy’s only long enough to pull his shirt over his head. He dropped his shirt on the floor in time to watch Josh tug his tee shirt over his head, groaning at the sight of all that pale skin he’d been dreaming about every night since October. As soon as their shirts hit the floor he dove for Josh’s mouth again, coaxing his lips apart and rocking their hips together. Every nerve, every brain cell was busy analyzing and categorizing the taste of Josh on his tongue, the feeling of smooth, smooth skin under his hands and tucking away the memory for future reference. The thought that he could fill an entire library with volumes of research on Josh’s variety of little moans alone made him laugh, hot puffs of air against Josh’s skin as his mouth traveled down, down the graceful column of Josh’s throat.

And he didn’t even know he thought things like ‘graceful’ and ‘beautiful’ – sure as hell never said them out loud, but the thought made him smile anyway as he reached Josh’s chest and caught one pink nipple between his teeth. It got him another little moan to add to his collection, along with a hand fisting in his hair and tightening almost too much before Josh remembered and unclenched his fist. Little nips and kisses down Josh’s stomach to open his mouth against perfect pale skin, and he got the same thrill he always did at knowing that when he was done there would be a perfect mark to show that he’d been there.

Josh writhed underneath him, searching uselessly for any friction to ease the steadily increasing ache in his groin, until Cooper finally let him up and kissed his way back up Josh’s chest to find his mouth again. He wondered vaguely how much time they had, but asking meant reminding Josh of where they were and maybe even reminding him that they really didn’t have time for slow and torturous and aware of every touch, every single detail of the way Josh felt against him. So he didn’t ask, just rolled onto his side and pulled Josh with him, up against him and tugging one leg up over his hip. A short, sharp gasp when Josh’s hardness brushed against his and he didn’t recognize the sound of his own voice or even the strength of his need until Josh’s hand slid past his waistband and he realized for the first time that somehow he’d gotten Cooper’s pants open without him even noticing.

He arched into the touch before he could stop himself, laughing against Josh’s mouth at his own pathetic lack of control whenever Josh was involved. If this was what it felt like to be out of control he never wanted to be in control again, because it felt too good – too right pressed against hot, pulsing flesh. And even the way Josh touched him was almost reverent, familiar and needy and still a little shy right around the edges, just enough to tell him he’d never get enough of Josh no matter how long he managed to hold onto him.

"Wait," he gasped, lips still pressed against Josh’s mouth and breathing the word against his skin. Josh stopped and pulled back, flushed and breathless and looking a little confused. He wanted to ask Josh for empty promises of forever, ask him for things both of them wanted but neither of them could guarantee but instead he reached out and smoothed the creases out of Josh’s forehead. Being in love made it hard to breathe, as it turned out, like there was a weight on his chest and pressing down and the only thing that could make it let up even for a few seconds was to keep on kissing Josh for as long as he’d let him.

"Love you," Josh whispered, the words swallowed in a kiss and Cooper didn’t even know that that was what he was looking for until Josh said it again. Later maybe he’d find it unfair that Josh was cheating; that he’d found a way around ever telling Cooper what he wanted or learning to say all those words that made his cheeks flush and his voice catch in his throat, because now he knew that all he had to do was whisper ‘love you’ in that voice like warm honey and Cooper would do anything – anything just to hear it again.

He fumbled with the button on Josh’s jeans, finally forcing it open by sheer force of will and sliding the zipper down to ease down denim that slid easily over slim hips. Josh’s boxers followed and he kicked both pieces of fabric down onto the floor at the end of the bed before he wrapped himself around Cooper again and. . .just melted right into him like this was exactly where he’d always belonged.

The hot slickness of pre-come hit Cooper’s bare stomach as Josh thrust against him, and he reached into the pocket of his own pants and fumbled for lube to drop on the mattress above them before he kicked off the rest of his clothes. Still Josh rocked against him, and Cooper’s hands slid across hot flesh to land on Josh’s hip and gently nudge him over onto his other side. Two fingers slicked quickly as Josh turned and Cooper opened his mouth against the shoulder pressed against his chest, smiling at the breathy moan when he nudged Josh’s knee toward his chest and slid one finger inside.

A moment of tension against him before Josh’s breathing changed and Cooper could feel him relaxing, forcing himself to open as he pushed back to draw Cooper’s finger as far into him as he could. And even though he chose the position he found himself a little disappointed that he couldn’t see Josh’s face, couldn’t watch him moan and strain for just a little bit more and then finally lose control with a breathy ‘oh’ against Cooper’s mouth. Thought about turning Josh over again, maybe on his knees to take him hard and fast the way Cooper promised over the phone that first time he listened to Josh come long-distance, but he knew if he did it would be over way too soon and this was the best way to make it last.

He took his time stretching Josh, listening to each change in his breathing and wondering the whole time how it was possible that he hadn’t come yet just from listening to Josh while he watched him thrust back against Cooper. When he couldn’t stand it anymore he pulled back long enough to roll the condom down and coat it with lube, pressing a kiss to the center of Josh’s neck as he took hold of his cock and slid inside in one long stroke. A muted hiss was the only signal that Josh wasn’t used to the stretch; that they’d done this before but only enough to let him know that it was going to burn a little until he relaxed and not enough for him to not be nervous. Although he wasn’t sure if Josh would ever not be a little nervous, and he wondered idly if that had something to do with growing up sheltered in a small town or if Josh was just that kind of guy.

Shyness looked good on him, though, and Cooper didn’t want to take it away completely because that meant losing part of what made him fall in love with Josh in the first place. His mind wandered back to their first weekend together, that first night after they held hands on the elevator when Josh sat down on his bed and kicked off his shoes, leaning back to offer himself to Cooper without words because even if he did know how to say it he wouldn’t be able to. And maybe that was the exact moment he fell in love with Josh, when he leaned back and begged Cooper with his eyes to tell him what he wanted, to make him feel something he knew he craved but no one had ever taught him the words for.

Josh rocked back harder against him, each thrust punctuated by a grunt or a low moan as Josh’s body flushed with exertion this time instead of modesty. Another word Cooper didn’t realize until that moment he’d ever have a use for, and he was learning new things about both of them with every touch, every kiss and every brush of skin against skin. And Josh chose that moment to surprise him, to spoil in the best way possible all Cooper’s plans to draw this out and make it last just by gasping one word that he didn’t think he’d ever hear from Josh: "Harder."

And again, even as Cooper sped up his thrusts there was that voice again: "Cooper, please. . ." Not a request or a commandment – just need, pure and simple. Josh telling Cooper what he needed before he even had to ask, and even if Cooper only imagined the words he knew by the way Josh thrust back to meet each stroke that this was exactly what he wanted. Way too soon he felt himself closing in on Loss Of Control, and he reached around Josh to close his fist around his erection. At first just holding, slight caress of fingertips as he counted Josh’s heartbeat against his palm. And he’d never thought much of his name until he heard it roll off Josh’s tongue, but suddenly it was his favorite sound in the world especially when it was breathy and needy and just on the edge of out of control.

His thrusts picked up speed as he began moving his fist, letting Josh thrust into it and sliding his thumb across the slick head with every upstroke. His own grunts of exertion joined Josh’s in the otherwise stillness of the room as they moved together, sweat-slicked chest sliding against the hot skin stretched across Josh’s back. One more thrust and Josh gasped and arched back against him, hot wetness covering his fingers and Josh’s stomach as Cooper buried himself deep, deep inside and let Josh pull him over the edge.

They lay tangled together and panting for long moments, Cooper pulling his hand off Josh’s slowly softening cock to lift his fingers to his mouth and taste. He forced himself to pull away, pushing himself onto his knees to drop the condom in the trash before he collapsed against the mattress again. He felt so weightless he wondered why he didn’t float right off the bed, and he couldn’t remember ever being so tired and sated and restless all at once. He didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to close his eyes even because that meant missing a few seconds of his time with Josh but he couldn’t fight the heavy weight that somehow moved from his chest to his eyelids while he wasn’t paying attention.

"Are you supposed to be somewhere today?"

His voice sounded foreign and far away, like an imitation of something that he was supposed to recognize but couldn’t quite place. Maybe because he already knew the answer without asking, but he made himself ask anyway because he didn’t want to be the reason Josh ever faced a second of suspicion even though he knew it was already too late. He’d seen the way the chaperone looked at him when Josh sat down next to him on the subway, and even though he’d kept out of the way as much as possible in the lobby he couldn’t guarantee she hadn’t seen him again when they got to the hotel.

"There was some lunch thing," Josh answered in a sleepy, sleepy voice that warmed Cooper in a way that shouldn’t be possible considering how little sleep he’d gotten in the last few days. "I probably already missed it."

The first realization that they hadn’t really thought this whole Paris thing through hit him when he pictured Josh getting up and getting dressed and going back to playing the shy, quiet high school kid while the rest of the kids from back home ignored him. Thinking about it now he couldn’t believe he hadn’t stopped long enough to consider how much time they’d actually have together, but when he’d come up with this plan all he’d been thinking about was seeing Josh. Nothing else mattered at the time, but now that they were together again he couldn’t help resenting the circumstances that would leave him alone in his hotel room counting the minutes until Josh came back.

Josh shifted against him and pushed himself up on one elbow, the fine hairs around his forehead still clinging to damp skin as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cooper’s again. "Not that I was planning to go anywhere," he said when he pulled back. "Unless you’re trying to get rid of me already."

"Yeah, right." The shaky laugh betrayed him, though, and he covered by sitting up and tugging the covers they’d never bothered with down the bed. Josh followed him up, reaching out to help Cooper fold the sheet back and stretching out between layers of cool cotton to look at Cooper again.

Cooper who was still sitting up, the sheet draped more or less over his lap as he drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. Josh reached out and ran a hand down his back, frowning at the tension he found there. "Cooper?"

He turned to look at Josh even though he didn’t really want to; he hated this part because it was the part where they talked and he’d never been any good at that stuff. He didn’t have the words for most of the stuff he felt whenever he was with Josh. He could sweet talk his way out of practically any kind of trouble and he was a master at getting certain people to feel sorry enough for him to help him get his way, but nothing with Josh was a game and if he couldn’t play by a set of rules he didn’t know how to even start.

"I guess this is the part where we talk." Flat, emotionless tone, which was weird because wasn’t it just a few minutes ago when he was feeling every breath, every touch more acutely than he even though possible?

"Not if you don’t want to," Josh said, pulling his hand away from Cooper’s skin and leaving a chill where living heat had been pressed a moment before. "Look, Cooper, I’m not mad about the thing with Scott and Randy. I’m not, it’s just. . ." He paused as though he was weighing the words, testing each one out on his tongue before he strung them all together. "Sometimes it makes me. . .I don’t know, nervous, I guess, thinking about your family. I mean when you talk about your dad it’s always to say how he doesn’t approve of you. And you make a big joke out of it but what happens when he decides he hates me? That’s your life, Cooper, and I’m not even part of it. Not really."

Cooper wasn’t sure how to answer him; he’d never thought about how things might look to an outsider and anyway as far as he was concerned Josh was no more an outsider than he was. There were times when he felt like he wasn’t even a part of the family that he’d grown up around, in fact he felt that way more often than not and when he was with Josh it was the only time he could really forget how far away he was from what people expected of him. He knew he should just say that, just open his mouth and let the words tumble out because even if they didn’t make sense Josh would understand them. When he did turn to look at the other boy he opened his mouth and tried to push the words out but when he finally found his voice he didn’t say what he meant to say at all.

"I need more, Josh."

"More what?" The look of genuine fear and confusion on Josh’s face made his heart skip a beat and even he wasn’t sure what he meant by ‘more’ until Josh pulled him back down onto the mattress and stretched out on his side so they were face to face again.

More than just tagging along with Nick because he felt sorry for Cooper but didn’t want to show it. More than parents that barely speak to him unless he thinks up a new way to disappoint them. More than just ‘I love you too, Coop, but I’ve gotta go do this thing so just wait here and I’ll be back to have sex with you later’. He couldn’t say any of that, though, not while Josh was staring back at him from just inches away looking like the next words out of Cooper’s mouth might make or break the rest of his life. "My life. . .the way things are at home, that’s not what I want," he finally said. "Like college – my dad thinks it’s a waste of time, that I should stay home and learn the family business because that’s what he expects me to do. Meanwhile Nick’s dad doesn’t want him anywhere near the family business and that’s all Nick wants to do. Irony’s a real bitch sometimes."

He could tell Josh was still confused, that he was holding back from asking any questions that might make Cooper stop talking. He didn’t know if he’d be able to stop even if he wanted to, though, now that he’d actually started to voice some of the things that had been keeping him awake at night for the past few months. "Before I met you I never thought about the future. I just figured college wasn’t gonna happen so why worry about it, right? I didn’t even apply anywhere because I knew my dad wouldn’t let me go. Then I met you and I don’t even know how it happened, but all of a sudden I cared what happened to me ten years from now. I took one look at you that first day and all of a sudden my life wasn’t good enough anymore. Scared the hell out of me."

"It scared me too," Josh said, smiling a little but Cooper could tell how hard it was for him to say this stuff out loud and it made him feel better that he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t find the words to say how he felt. "I mean you could probably tell how scared I was that first night, even before you kissed me."

Cooper smiled too at the memory of Josh stumbling over his words that night in the deli, trying to find a way to tell Cooper that he was gay and he was having a hard time dealing with the fact that even in someplace like New York City he couldn’t just be himself without worrying about who might not like it. He remembered thinking back then that it was kinda sweet how nervous Josh was about just holding his hand in public, but after seeing his so-called friends’ reactions to Josh’s coming out and hearing the pain Josh tried to hide after Scott and Randy worked him over. . .he closed his eyes against that memory because it still made him feel guilty even though there was nothing he could do to stop it. "If you’d had any idea how much I wanted you from the first second you tripped over Nick you wouldn’t have been scared at all."

"I still would’ve been terrified," Josh answered, a wry grin turning up the corners of his mouth as he reached out to run a hand through Cooper’s hair. "And that was when I figured you’d never want to talk to me again after that night. Once I figured out that you still wanted me around I was even more scared that I was gonna do something to screw it up."

"There’s no way." Cooper leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Josh’s, an almost desperate crush of lips against lips before he pulled back and flattened his palm against Josh’s chest. "The thing is that before I met you I didn’t care, you know? Nothing’s really changed, I mean I still hang out with Nick and fight with my parents but now I actually care what happens after high school. No matter what my dad says."

"Even if he decides to put a hit out on me?"

It was only half a joke, which was weird all on its own because who ever would have thought they’d be having this conversation? "That’s not how it works. Not really. Josh. . ." Cooper stopped talking, pushing himself up on one elbow as Josh rolled over on his back to stare up at the ceiling. They’d never talked about this before, his family came up but only long enough for Cooper to laugh off how much it really hurt every time one of his parents reminded him of how much he disappointed them. "Do you really think about that?"

"Come on, Cooper, it’d be kind of hard not to, considering." Josh closed his eyes when Cooper reached for him; he didn’t flinch or try to move away but the fact that Josh wouldn’t look at him hurt almost as much as if he’d gotten up and started putting his clothes back on. "The two times that we’ve actually managed to see each other your cousin's been there the whole time, and when you talk about your family all you say is that your dad can barely stand the sight of you and you never even mention your mother. They expect you to go right from high school into the wide world of plumbing supplies, and meanwhile I’ll be in Massachusetts trying not to fail out of my classes while I’m wondering what you’re doing. Nothing’s going to change, it’ll be just like high school only I’ll have a different phone number."

"No." He didn’t set out to put such force behind the word, but suddenly the idea that Josh could think even for a second that he wouldn’t find a way to make sure they were together was unthinkable. He felt like someone had punched him in the stomach, like he was trapped underwater and he couldn’t find a way back to the surface. "Josh, please, I’m trying to tell you that it doesn’t matter what my dad expects. He can’t hold me prisoner forever – he can cut me off, throw me out of his house and pretend he never had a son, but he can’t make me give up the only thing that means anything to me. You and me – no matter how many of my family members decide to turn their backs on me."

He hadn’t meant to say all of that out loud; he’d told himself he wasn’t going to make empty promises about a future neither of them could predict. As soon as he said it out loud it didn’t feel so empty, though, and even though he knew firsthand how short-lived relationships could be especially at their age he wanted to believe they could somehow be the exception to the rule. He knew one thing – he’d never been willing to turn his back even on his screwed-up family for anyone before Josh, but even as much as he loved the cousin who'd always treated him like a brother he knew Josh would come first in everything from now on.

Josh still wasn’t saying anything, but he’d opened his eyes as soon as Cooper started talking and as soon as Cooper finished he turned back onto his side, surging up to fuse their lips together again. His hands found their way to Josh’s hair as the other boy pressed him back against the pillows, the kiss charging through every nerve in his body. He thought about telling Josh the whole truth, confessing that he’d been working on a way to make sure they were together as much as possible for at least the next four years. Then Josh reached between them and closed his hand around Cooper’s quickly growing erection, and any rational thought flew out of his mind as he mirrored Josh’s movements. They never stopped kissing as they brought each other off, eventually just a press of lips on lips as they breathed the same air and moaned their release into each other’s mouths.

As Josh closed his eyes and let his head fall against his chest Cooper decided that it was better to wait until he was sure before he told Josh about his college plans. He didn’t want to get the other boy’s hopes up in case his mother found a way to intervene or his father had a last minute change of heart, but after seeing Josh again he knew that no matter what his parents did there was no way they were going to keep him from being with Josh. He’d meant every word of what he said about making sure they stayed together in spite of how impossible it seemed, he just hoped that Josh trusted him enough to believe that he could do it.

Part Two

When Josh and Cooper finally stumbled into the lobby together the eyes of the entire French Club were on them, and neither of them missed the raised eyebrows or the whispering that started with their wet hair and ended with the fact that Josh was still tucking his shirt into his jeans when they walked through the door together. Josh ignored the looks and glanced over at Cooper, catching his eye and hoping that his expression conveyed more confidence than he felt. It had taken him the better part of half an hour to convince Cooper that Josh wasn’t going anywhere without him, and then another twenty minutes to get Cooper to agree to go to dinner with the group. They both had a pretty good idea of what would happen when they showed up in the lobby together, but Josh wasn’t about to back down no matter what happened.

As soon as the initial shock died down Emily made a beeline for them, stopping at Cooper’s elbow just as the group’s chaperone stopped in front of Josh. "Mr. Miller, may I have a word with you?"

Josh swallowed a rush of fear and nodded, stealing a quick glance at Cooper and Emily before he shoved his hands in his pockets and followed Ms. Timmons to the corner of the room. As soon as they were out of earshot of the other students she turned to face him, her eyes wide and if Josh wasn’t imagining things a little nervous behind thick glasses. "Josh, I’m happy to see you’re. . .already friendly with the locals. While it’s important to display good ambassadorship, it’s not a good idea to blindly follow a virtual stranger just because he seems harmless. We have an itinerary for our visit to Paris, and I think it would be best if you asked your. . .friend to run along home now."

Somehow Josh managed not to roll his eyes through the entire speech, partly by distracting himself with the scent of Cooper’s cologne all over his clothes. He hadn’t really given much thought to dealing with the chaperone issue, but now that she was standing in front of him Josh found himself glad that the school had sent the newest and youngest member of the French department on the trip. Part of the reason Ms. Timmons had been chosen instead of the French Club’s senior advisor was because she’d lived in Paris for awhile, and he guessed that after years of babysitting kids on these trips that Mrs. Canon, their senior advisor, was tired of giving up her spring break. Either way it worked in his favor that she was fairly new to teaching and still a little scared at the prospect of corralling a group of 16- and 17-year-olds in a foreign country.

"He’s not a stranger," Josh said, suppressing a smirk at the look on her face. It would just make it worse if he laughed and he knew it was probably just a nervous reaction anyway, but something about her expression just struck him as funny. She and all the rest of the teachers must have heard the rumors about him at school, and the fact that she thought he’d just picked up some French kid on the subway to take back to the hotel made him want to laugh.

"Yes, well, perhaps by the strictest sense of the definition. . ."

"No, I mean he’s my boyfriend. He’s not French, he flew here from Buffalo to meet me. Look, Ms. Timmons, I’m sorry about skipping lunch but we haven’t seen each other in three months. I guess we just lost track of time."

For a single panicked moment he thought he might have given her a heart attack or something; her face was ashen and as he watched the arms that were crossed over her chest began to shake a little. "Joshua Miller, you know better than to think you can invite someone from outside the school. . .a minor, no less. . .he can’t be here. You can’t just invite. . ."

Well. Obviously she wasn’t going to drop dead on him after all. "Look," he interrupted, raising his voice just enough to talk over her without the whole group hearing him, "I know it’s probably against the rules or whatever but he’s here and he’s not going anywhere. Call my mom, send me home early if you have to, whatever. But this is the only time we get to spend together until graduation." He had to force himself not to look away when he stopped talking; blood was pounding so loud against his ears he could barely hear his own voice and he wasn’t sure how he’d managed to say all that as calmly as he did. Too late he realized that he could probably get expelled for this, but there was nothing he could do about it now and if he told Cooper he had to go that would spell the end of what was happening between them.

"You can’t bring him with you on group events," she hissed, her knuckles white as she scanned the rest of the group to make sure no one was listening. "I can’t be responsible for a stranger."

Josh did laugh that time, partly at the thought that she could control anything Cooper decided to do and partly because she thought threatening him would keep him from bringing Cooper wherever he went. "There’s no way you can keep him out of public places. But if you really don’t want him around we don’t need to go on any of the tours."

"You realize I’ll have to call your mother," Ms. Timmons said, her void devoid of emotion as she glanced over at Cooper and then back at Josh. "And there will be serious consequences should you choose to skip any of the scheduled activities."

"I can’t ask him to leave." He knew it was too much to hope that maybe she’d understand why he’d jumped at the chance to see Cooper again, or that she might be sympathetic to the fact that Josh was trying to live his life in spite of public opinion. He’d never expected her to welcome Cooper with open arms or anything, but he’d let himself hope that maybe she wouldn’t make a bigger deal out of it than it had to be.

"That’s your decision, Josh," she said, then she turned on her heel and cleared her throat. "Alright, people, everyone stay together so you don’t get lost on the way to the restaurant. And remember, if you do get separated from the group, the hotel is on the Rue de Picardie."

Josh stood frozen in place as the rest of the group brushed past him after their chaperone, his pulse racing as it sank in what he’d just done. He never would have planned to openly defy any authority figure, and if he’d thought any of this through he probably would have just cancelled his trip to Paris and figured out some way to visit Cooper in New York over break. He only realized he wasn’t breathing when he felt a hand land on his elbow, warm breath hitting his neck as Cooper leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Josh? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. . .um, yeah. I think. . .I’m not really sure."

"Okay," Cooper said, one arm circling Josh’s shoulders as the other boy shook himself and finally looked over at Cooper and Emily. "You still wanna go to dinner with them or what?"

"Sure you do," Emily said before Josh could answer. "Come on, I don’t want to go by myself."

Josh grinned as she stuck out her bottom lip in what he assumed was supposed to be a pitiful expression. "Well when you put it that way we kind of have to."

"You sure?" Cooper asked.

"Yeah, I mean it’s not like she can do anything. And I already bailed on lunch, we should probably at least put in an appearance."

Cooper shrugged and followed Josh and Emily out of the hotel, letting Josh pull out of his grip as they stepped outside. None of them said anything else until they got to the restaurant, but when they walked inside Josh said something in French to the maitre d' and less than a minute later they were being seated at a table a little away from the rest of the group. Josh was sure everyone at the other table was staring, but he didn’t look over to gauge their reactions to the fact that they weren’t sitting with the group. Maybe he was doing even more damage than he already had, but skipping everything on the itinerary would probably be just as bad. Either way he knew he was in a lot of trouble when they got back to Indiana.

"So what’d she say to you?" Emily asked.

"What can she say? She said she’d call my mom and that if I skipped any activities there would be consequences. She didn’t say what they were."

A hand landed on his thigh under the table and Josh grinned in spite of the fact that his pulse was racing. Cooper leaned a little closer and dropped his voice to just above a whisper. "Is your mom gonna freak out about this? I mean do you think she’ll still let you come to New York for the summer?"

Something else he hadn’t thought of, and now that he did he knew it was possible his mother would try to blame all of this on Cooper. He didn’t want Cooper guilting about it all week, though, so he shook his head and squeezed the hand that was still resting on his thigh. "She’ll understand. At least she will once I talk to her."

He turned back to Emily but she was staring in the direction of the rest of the group, and he followed her gaze before he could stop himself. The group of girls at the end of the table closest to them was whispering, and every so often one of them would glance over at their table. He rolled his eyes and tapped the top of Emily’s hand, casting a wry grin at her when she turned back to him. "It’s probably not too late to save yourself."

"Please, like I care what they think," Emily said. "Like I said on the plane, you’ve got the most interesting social life in Sandborn. So if they start talking about me too maybe it’ll make my life more interesting."

"Don’t hold your breath."

"Hey, you never know, she might be right." Cooper’s breath hit his cheek and Josh turned instinctively toward him, shivering at the brief touch of lips against his skin before the other boy pulled away again. "My life’s definitely more interesting these days."

Josh forgot to care that Cooper had just kissed him in front of the entire French Club and everyone else in the restaurant, forgot to worry about what was going to happen when he got back to Indiana. He just focused on the fact that Cooper was sitting next to him, close enough to feel body heat radiating off the other boy. His life was definitely a lot more interesting lately too, and even though not all of it was good it was worth the risk. At least when he was with Cooper he felt like he was really living for the first time, so no matter how long it lasted he wasn’t going to lose a second of their time together.

~

"So?"

"Well they pretty much shut up as soon as Tracy spotted me. Luckily they’re not that observant so it took them awhile to realize I was listening. " She laughed and glanced over her shoulder in the direction of the group of teenagers in question, waving when she caught a couple of them staring at her. "Evidently they all think you picked Cooper up on the subway on the way to the hotel. I guess the fact that nobody’s heard him talk yet makes it easier to believe he’s some kind of European playboy."

Josh let out an exaggerated sigh and glanced over at the kids that were pretending not to stare at them. "They really don’t have anything else to talk about?"

"I keep telling you you’re the most interesting guy in Sandborn."

"Yeah, well, we’re not in Sandborn," Josh reminded her. He dropped his head into his hands and closed his eyes, willing away the rush of panic that came along with thinking about what was going to happen when they got home. After dinner at the restaurant the night before he’d done his best not to think about anything, losing himself in Cooper’s touch until they were both so exhausted they passed out together. He’d forced himself to get up in time for breakfast just so Ms. Timmons couldn’t accuse him of skipping a scheduled activity, but now that he was sitting across from Emily with everyone staring at them he was starting to regret showing up.

"Don’t worry about it, Josh. Mostly they’re just wondering who you’re going to bring back to the hotel next."

He looked up sharply to find her grinning at him. "Very funny."

"What? I didn’t say it, Tracy did."

"Yeah, but you’re laughing," he said. "Come on, everybody already believes whatever lies Scott spread about what he walked in on at your house, and now they’re all going to think I’m some kind of major slut."

"First of all, you worry way too much." Emily’s grin faded as she registered the look of misery in Josh’s eyes, and she reached across the table to pat his hand. "Okay, so maybe it seems bad now. But they’re gonna talk no matter what, so what do you care what they say? You know the truth."

"It’s not just that. I don’t care what they think of me, but I don’t want them thinking that about Cooper. And everything they say gets back to my mom. . .she tries to be cool about it but I know it bothers her. Not to mention what everybody she works with probably says behind her back."

"Relax, you’re going to college in a few months, right? Once you’re gone the talk will die down, then your mom’s life will get back to normal."

"If I don’t get expelled," Josh said. He glanced over at Ms. Timmons to find her watching the two of them, his cheeks flushing as he remembered standing in front of her and telling her he wasn’t sending Cooper home and there was nothing she could do about it. The thought of it made his hands shake, and he tore his gaze away and grabbed a clean coffee cup off the table. "I’m gonna go see if Cooper’s awake, we’ll catch up with you later."

She nodded as she watched him wrap a couple croissants in a napkin and pick up the fresh cup of coffee. "Are you guys coming to the museum? Because we leave in like half an hour."

"Yeah, I think if I start skipping stuff it’ll be worse," Josh answered. He smiled as she nodded and waved at him, avoiding looking at anyone as he crossed the hotel’s small dining area and turned in the direction of Cooper’s room.

When he let himself back into the still-dark room Cooper was still stretched across the mattress, his chest rising and falling steadily. Part of Josh just wanted to blow off the Louvre and crawl back under the covers with Cooper, wrap his arms around his warm body and forget all the trouble he was in. He couldn’t, though, because as much as he wanted to just forget the rest of the world whenever Cooper was around he knew he’d regret it later. It didn’t seem right that he had to spend so much time thinking about the responsible thing to do; he was still just a kid and it wasn’t fair that he couldn’t just blow off school to hang out with his boyfriend just because he wanted to.

Cooper stirred against the pillows and rolled onto his back, blinking sleep out of his eyes and pushing himself up on his elbows to look at Josh. "What are you doing way over there?"

"Brought you some breakfast," Josh answered, crossing to the bed and setting the food down on the nightstand next to Cooper. "I gotta be in the lobby in half an hour. We’re supposed to tour the Louvre today," he added, rolling his eyes. "Are you coming?"

"You sure that’s such a good idea?" Cooper asked as he sat up and pulled Josh down onto the mattress next to him. "I mean if it’s gonna be a big hassle for you I could hang out here."

Josh shook his head and let Cooper push him down on the mattress, his fingers carding through Cooper’s hair as he craned his neck to give Cooper’s mouth better access to the skin below his ear. "I’m not going anywhere without you," he said. "So either we go wander around a museum and try to pretend we’re not bored out of our minds or we bail together."

He expected Cooper to opt for bailing, and part of him hoped that by offering the option it meant Cooper would make the decision for him. To help steer Cooper in the right direction he slid his hands down the other boy’s back, his fingers seeking out sensitive spots along Cooper’s skin. The increased suction on the side of his neck let him know when he’d hit a particularly sensitive spot, and he forgot all about where they were supposed to be in less than half an hour as he arched up into Cooper’s touch. Cooper hadn’t forgotten, though, and with one last press of teeth against Josh’s skin he pulled away and rolled off the other boy. "You’re not blowing off anything until you find out what what’s-her-face meant by ‘consequences’," Cooper said. "I’m gonna go take a shower."

Josh knew his jaw was hanging open as he watched Cooper climb off him and cross to the bathroom, but he was too stunned to care. That was the first time he’d ever seen Cooper voluntarily turn down sex, and even though he knew the other boy had done it for his sake he wasn’t really sure what to make of it. When he finally shook himself out of it he glanced over at the clock and counted back six hours; it would be 1:30 in the morning back home, his mom was probably just getting home from her shift at the hospital. He groaned and pushed himself into a sitting position, reaching for his wallet and pulling out the phone card she’d sent with him. He hesitated before finally dialing the number, closing his eyes as he listened to the phone ring and hoped she wouldn’t answer.

When the line connected and he heard his mother’s voice his heart skipped a beat, and suddenly he wondered if his mother had even heard from Ms. Timmons yet. "Mom, it’s me."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and for a second Josh thought that maybe she’d hung up on him. Finally he heard her exhale, though, and when she started talking again she sounded worn out. "Josh, I just got home, I’m too tired to argue with you. We’ll talk about it when you get home."

"Mom. . ."

"I'm serious, Joshua. What were you thinking? The least you could have done was warned me what you were up to. Good lord, when did you start acting so irresponsibly?"

"I just wanted to see him," Josh said, his voice low as he struggled to keep it from trembling. "I didn't know if you'd understand, I know it's all kind of sudden but we never get to see each other and I just wanted. . ."

"Just tell me you're. . .being safe," she interrupted.

Josh knew he was blushing and he was glad he hadn't actually had to look at his mother while she asked him that question. "Geez, Mom. . .yeah, of course."

"Fine, we'll talk about the rest when you get home. And try to learn something while you're over there, will you?"

He smiled for the first time since he'd picked up the phone, a little of the tension flowing out of him when he realized she wasn't going to disown him at least. "I promise. Mom, did Ms. Timmons say what's going to happen when I get back?"

"You're probably going to be suspended," his mother answered. "And no more school activities for the rest of the year. That means no prom, no games, no more French Club. So I hope you enjoy your spring break, because that's it until you graduate."

He resisted the urge to point out that he was already pretty much unwelcome at extracurricular activities, swallowing a sigh of relief that he wasn't going to be expelled. The shower turned off and he glanced in the direction of the bathroom, his smile returning as he reminded himself of why it was worth whatever punishment they threw at him. "Thanks, Mom. I'll see you in a few days."

He set the phone back in its cradle as Cooper stepped out of the bathroom in a pair of boxers, rubbing his damp hair with a towel. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, that was my mom," Josh answered. He leaned back on the bed and watched as Cooper dug through his suitcase for something to wear, finally settling on a pair of black pants and a blue button-down. Josh watched the other boy pull his clothes on, smoothing imaginary wrinkles out of his shirt before he tucked it in and turned back to Josh.

"So I guess she heard?"

"Yep. She was surprisingly cool about it, though. I mean she's pissed, but it's the middle of the night there and she just got home so her defenses were down. She says I'm suspended from school and banned from extracurricular activities for the rest of the year."

"Well I guess we know what she meant by 'consequences' at least," Cooper said, not quite meeting Josh's gaze as he pulled his shoes on. When he was done he straightened up and picked up the towel he'd dropped on a chair, carrying it back to the bathroom to toss on the counter. "Did she say how long you're suspended for?"

"No. Not that it matters, I mean all it means is I get a longer vacation." Josh stood up and crossed to the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe as he watched Cooper clean his glasses. "Why do they consider that a punishment, anyway?"

Cooper grinned at Josh's reflection in the mirror before he set his glasses down and turned around. "I don't know, I guess they figure you'll get bored after a day or two of hanging around at home. Getting suspended isn't gonna affect your scholarship, is it?"

"Only if they actually expel me, and I don't think they can do that just because my boyfriend showed up on our French Club trip." Cooper's eyes darkened almost imperceptibly when he said the word 'boyfriend', and Josh smirked as the other boy closed the distance between them. "You know it's not too late to blow off the museum thing. Considering we know what the consequences are now."

Instead of answering Cooper leaned forward and pressed their lips together, one hand pressed against Josh's back and the other behind his neck as he backed them out of the bathroom. When Josh's legs hit the bed he sank down onto the mattress, pulling Cooper down with him to straddle his thighs. Finally Cooper pulled away, his face flushed as he stared down at Josh. "As much as I love the fact that you're starting to get into this whole 'breaking the rules' thing, I'm starting to get the feeling you don't really want me around the kids from your school."

"That's not true," Josh said, his hopeful smile fading as he registered the uncertainty in Cooper's expression. "I just don't want you to be stuck on some lame educational tour. And I don't like the way everybody talks about you. I don't care what they say about me, but they don't even know you."

"Josh. . ." Cooper trailed off, grinning as he shook his head. "I don't care what a bunch of kids I don't even know think of me. I'm never gonna see any of them again anyway. I just don't want to make things worse for you when you have to go home."

"You won't. . .I mean you couldn't, Cooper. You're the only reason I'm here."

"Good." Cooper pressed another kiss to Josh's lips before he sat up and pulled the other boy forward. "So come on already or we're gonna miss out on all the lame educational crap."

~

All things considered, it hadn't been that bad. Not that Josh was really interested in thinking about how their first full day in Paris had gone while Cooper was pushing him back onto the bed in their room and working the buttons of his shirt out of their holes, but if he had to think about it he would have had to admit that things could have gone a lot worse. For the most part Ms. Timmons ignored them, probably because she wasn't sure what else to do. Josh was polite enough not to point out that it was her own fault for opting for subways instead of charter buses in an attempt to give them a 'more authentic' experience. She would have been able to keep Cooper off a chartered bus, but there wasn't much she could say about him riding the subway with the group.

His classmates stared and whispered in the beginning, but eventually he stopped noticing it and just focused on the fact that he was with Cooper. He was surprised at how much he liked just being able to hold Cooper's hand in public without worrying what people were going to think. Then there was Emily, who seemed fascinated by their relationship and spent most of the day hanging around them asking a million questions about how they'd managed to stay together all this time. Josh had to steer the conversation away from their sex life more than once, because as it turned out Cooper was pretty much willing to tell her whatever she wanted to know.

His favorite parts of the day, though, had been when the rest of the group was distracted by the 'Mona Lisa' or some other tourist attraction and Cooper had pulled him off to the side of the flow of traffic to kiss him. It felt weird at first to kiss Cooper in public like that, but most people didn't even react to the two of them and after awhile he started to warm up to the idea of Cooper promising that they were going to make out at the top of the Eiffel Tower, at the Arc de Triomphe, on the steps of Notre Dame which he wasn't sure but might be blasphemy. All of it was new and exciting and a little scary and he didn't even care so much about the carefully planned schedule of monuments he'd wanted so badly to see when they'd first started planning this trip. Of course that was long before he met Cooper; now his life revolved around seeing how much they could get away with right under Ms. Timmons' nose.

Maybe it was a dangerous game, but it felt right when Cooper had him pressed up against a wall between a statue of Venus and a Renaissance painting kissing him like there was no one else in the world worth worrying about. And this whole having Cooper to himself thing was better than he'd expected; not that he didn't like Nick and there was Emily following them more or less as closely as Nick did when he was around, but having Cooper's completely undivided attention was more intense than anything he'd ever experienced before.

But he wasn't thinking about any of that, because somehow before he noticed Cooper had managed to get all their clothes off and Josh's attention was directed rather abruptly to the feeling of wet heat engulfing his erection. Maybe it was the shock of having no warning before Cooper took Josh in his mouth; or maybe it was the full day of foreplay at first The Louvre and then a walking tour along the Seine and into the Student Quarter for dinner. It didn't really matter why, the point was that as soon as Cooper's mouth closed around him he started to babble – a stream of mostly nonsensical words, punctuated by Cooper's name and broken up by little whimpers of frustration when the rhythm Cooper had set suddenly wasn't enough anymore.

So Cooper sped up; just like that, like he could understand the stream of gibberish Josh was emitting but wouldn't have been able to explain if anyone asked. Eyes closed, head thrown back, and there was nothing in the world except that feeling – the one that only Cooper could give him, the one he didn't want from anybody else ever because this was the only place he ever really felt like himself. No matter where they were, as long as Cooper was there Josh felt comfortable in his own skin for the first time in his life and he wanted to hold onto that forever.

As soon as the thought formed in his mind he let out a sharp cry, arching into Cooper's mouth and gasping his name in a long, drawn-out moan as he came. Cooper swallowed around him and pulled back, smug smile as he let go of Josh's hips and knelt between his legs to just. . .look. Admire, maybe, because when Josh found the strength to blink his eyes open Cooper was still looking at him, and even though his whole body flushed at the frank gaze he didn't try to move away. There was no point, really, because somehow in the last six months Cooper had worked his way under Josh's skin from six hundred miles away, and no matter what Josh did with the rest of his life Cooper was a part of him now. Even if they got back on two separate planes heading back to their separate lives and never saw each other again, Cooper was always going to be a part of him.

He swallowed hard around the sudden lump of fear in his throat and sat up, legs around Cooper's and face buried in Cooper's neck as the other boy pulled him close and made soothing sounds in his throat. And he wasn't going to cry, he just needed a minute because it was all so intense suddenly and he wasn't sure how to let it out so it weighed down on him until finally he couldn't hold it inside anymore. This usually happened when he was alone, after a really bad day at school or a really amazing phone call with Cooper. One of those calls where neither of them really said much of anything, but it wasn't the mundane words about school and their lives so much as the whispers of what they weren't saying that made Josh hang up the phone and let hot tears run down his face and into his pillow.

"Josh. Josh, look at me." So he did; pulled back slightly to look up at Cooper even though he knew Cooper would be able to read it all in his expression, because he couldn't not look. Almost like it was a force of nature, this connection between them, but he knew that was just something that happened in the dumb romance novels that his mom read. He told himself that every time he started thinking words that didn't really mean anything like "fate" and "destiny", words he didn't even believe in except that from the first moment Cooper smiled at him he'd felt this. . .pull. Like Cooper had his own gravitational field, a thought that always made him laugh because he'd never really thought of himself as a complete lunatic until that weekend in New York six months ago.

He wasn't sure how long Cooper held his face in his hands and just looked at him, like he was trying to read something in Josh's expression that he knew he wasn't going to get Josh to say out loud. Only Josh would have said anything then, maybe he would have had to close his eyes to do it but if he knew what Cooper wanted to hear he would have said it and no matter what it was he would have meant it if that's what Cooper wanted. Then Cooper smiled like he'd just learned a secret that would keep him up nights dreaming up all kinds of new possibilities and Josh knew he didn't have to say anything after all.

"Yeah." Voice like hot sandpaper raising little bumps along his arms and Cooper was leaning forward again, mouth pressed to Josh's cheek, his jaw, forehead. . .finally mouth and then again: "Yeah. Okay."

He could tell Cooper was working something out, kind of like he was having a conversation with himself and even though Josh thought he might know what Cooper was saying he didn't want to ask out loud. Not yet, not until Cooper was done pressing small kisses to his skin and moving them back down onto the mattress, legs tangled together and clash of teeth in a too-hard kiss because they needed just. . .a little closer, a little more and then there it was. And he didn't remember Cooper picking up the lube that had never made it off the mattress the night before, but when he slid inside in one smooth stroke Josh gasped and bit down on whatever skin was closest to his mouth, hard enough to leave a perfect red imprint.

And he was instantly hard again, or maybe he'd been getting there the whole time Cooper was just looking at him and he hadn't noticed because he was too busy fighting not to say the words out loud. Things he was sure until that moment that Cooper didn't want to hear, couldn't deal with and probably hadn't even thought about before. Only Cooper was the one making promises here, telling Josh that no matter what they were going to be together and if he'd just said a little more, just one last word on the end of that sentence Josh would know. . .he'd know and it would all be okay no matter what happened when he got off the plane in Indianapolis and got back on the bus that would take him home.

It was then he realized he was babbling again, a stream of words that didn't make any sense because he was saying everything without saying anything and when people said the words Survival Mechanism that was what they meant. Because Josh was good with words, always had been. He could debate any subject under the sun, just give him a couple days to do his research and he could hold his own anywhere. He'd argued free trade and a standard of currency for the European economy and land mines and a dozen other meaningless subjects with total strangers in a room in New York City and people had walked away from him in awe that a shy, nondescript kid from Indiana could hold his own.

He'd learned to use words a long time ago, he could control them and sway opinions if he just found the right way to string them together. Only there weren't adequate words for all the things he wanted to say to Cooper, and there was no argument he could make to talk Cooper into feeling something if it wasn't already there. The words were still there, though; his mouth was still working and he was saying everything in a code that no one could break unless they already knew it but if he didn't say it in a certain way then he could take it all back if he had to.

Cooper's mouth against his cut off the stream of gibberish, Cooper's tongue plunging as deep as his cock and then he was coming inside Josh and that was a totally new sensation because he could feel wet heat inside him for the first time. Felt the force of his own orgasm hit both their chests and his eyes flew open, not sure if he should be embarrassed that he'd come without either one of them ever touching him. He opened his mouth to say something else, maybe even to make sense this time but all that came out was a laugh, loud and harsh because he was still trying to remember how to breathe and he knew his chest was going to ache when he woke up in the morning.

He looked over at Cooper to find the other boy smiling along with him, not sure of the joke but willing to go along with whatever because Josh was happy and from the look on his face that was his main goal in life. Laughed even harder at that and ended up choking, sitting up to catch his breath while Cooper rubbed slow circles on his back and pressed warm lips to his shoulder.

"You okay?" The voice was low and tickled his ear as Josh turned into the chest pressed against his side.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm. . ." Caught the word 'perfect' before it tumbled out of his mouth, had to act fast to cut off 'insanely in love with you' before it escaped too. "I was just thinking about my mom."

Maybe not the best way to frame an explanation judging by the look on Cooper's face, but Josh just couldn't get his grin to go away so he gave up trying and offered a more complete explanation. "When I talked to her this morning, the one thing she asked me was if I was practicing safe sex."

It took Cooper a couple seconds to get the joke, but when he did he pulled Josh back down onto the mattress and reached out almost reverently to touch his cheek. "I should have asked first. I'm clean, I swear. I always use protection and I got tested right before I met you. You just looked so. . .I still should have asked."

"It's okay, Cooper," Josh said, mercilessly shutting down any random thoughts about Cooper's past and why he had a reason to worry about it. "I trust you. Maybe that makes me totally naïve, I don't know."

"Me and trust don't usually go together. I mean ask anybody in my family and they'll tell you what a screw-up I am. Stupid risks, lying to my parents because I know it's the only way to get a reaction out of them, playing people off each other to get the old man to bankroll a trip to Paris." He grinned self-consciously as Josh laughed, the sound a lot more nervous now that he was thinking about Cooper's family instead of his own mother. "It's different with you, though. I mean I can tell you stuff – the truth – and I know you won't throw it back in my face when I screw up again. So yeah, you can trust me. I wouldn't screw that up, not on purpose."

That word crept into Josh's head again but he swallowed it down, tucked it back into his subconscious where it couldn't escape. He could trust, he could love and they could talk about three months from now or six months from now but there was no use throwing around a word that didn't really mean anything. Even if he said it out loud and Cooper smiled again the way he did sometimes it still wouldn't mean anything, because it was one of those promises people meant when they made it but broke every day. So he leaned forward for another kiss, because that was a promise they could both keep for as long as it lasted.

~

Cooper had probably never given it a lot of thought, but Josh had. In fact before he met Cooper and his whole life was reduced to one living, breathing, smirking train of thought he'd spent a lot of time thinking about it. Maybe because it was a subject he was good at; not like science, which he knew backwards and forwards and displayed a tremendous amount of Promise and Potential in, but because he enjoyed it. Rolling the words over in his mouth, getting the accent perfect as he said them out loud. Communicating in another language, maybe not as well as he communicated in English but well enough to prove to himself that he could get by outside of Sandborn, Indiana.

Maybe his social graces weren't as adept as someone like Cooper's; maybe he didn't know a lot about really living and he still had a lot to learn in a lot of respects but this was something he could do. So he'd spent a lot of time thinking about Paris, wondering what it would be like and how it would change his whole view of the world once he finally stepped outside his little universe and saw a whole new culture where they spoke a different language and wore different clothes and went shopping every day instead of just once every other week at the Safeway. And now that he was here, steeped in a foreign culture he'd spent so much time imagining and romanticizing in his mind. . .it turned out that Paris really did have a lot of cafés.

They were sitting at one now, soaking up yet another Authentic Parisian Experience while the rest of the French Club more or less ignored their presence. Ms. Timmons had all but given up on trying to exclude Cooper from the group; after the first awkward couple of days she'd figured out that with Josh came Cooper and now she either pretended she couldn't see him or she treated him like he was one of her students. Josh knew he was still going to pay for his first real act of rebellion when he got home, but it was nice that she'd decided to let them at least enjoy each other's company since she was stuck with them both. In fact the only time she really reacted to them at all was when Cooper leaned over and kissed Josh in front of her.

Which was happening more and more as the days wore on, because they had a lot of tourist attractions to visit and Cooper seemed to find it amusing to mark each occasion with an enthusiastic and very public kiss. Not that Josh was complaining, because even though he'd never really thought of himself as an exhibitionist Cooper made it seem so easy and fun in a way that didn't make any sense if he thought too hard about it. Besides, it was just kissing. Okay, there was touching too and hand-holding and the occasional groping promise of more up against a wall in a dark corner of. . .say, Sacre Couer, for instance. Josh had made a lot of mental notes in the past few days to find out if making out in church was considered a sin.

So as it turned out, it wasn't so much traveling to a foreign country and sipping cappuccino at a sidewalk café that changed his perspective on life. And it wasn't so much that he'd gotten over being scared, because the thought of making things work day to day with Cooper still scared the hell out of him. Never mind the weird things his stomach did whenever he thought too hard about Cooper's family and what they were going to say when he showed up in Buffalo. He wasn't really looking forward to the reactions he'd get when everyone back home heard about Cooper showing up in Paris, either, but the point was that he could handle it. Whatever they threw at him – he didn't know how or what would happen but he knew he could handle whatever he had to.

Vague concepts like inner strength weren't really something he'd given a lot of thought to in the past, and he still didn't really see himself as making some kind of stand against public opinion. The truth was that when it was all said and done, it all came down to one thing: he didn't want to lose his boyfriend. It probably wasn't the most popular point of view and it probably wouldn't make the principal of his high school go any easier on him, but the truth was that Josh had to make a stand simply because he didn't want to give up Cooper.

Cooper, who had his arm casually draped around Josh's shoulders while he carried on a polite conversation with Emily about the night life in Paris. Josh hadn't said much since they sat down at the table; in fact he'd only half-listened to what the two of them were saying as he let his mind wander. So he'd caught snippets of Emily's story about the French pen pal she'd been writing to since the seventh grade, remembered vaguely his own half-hearted attempts to exchange letters with some kid whose name he couldn't remember anymore. Back then he hadn't been that interested in helping some foreign twelve-year-old practice their English, but as it turned out Emily had stayed in touch with hers and she'd arranged to meet her at some disco in the city after curfew.

Not that going out after curfew was really a problem, because even if Ms. Timmons hadn't turned out to be the worst chaperone ever she still had to sleep sometime. That was the thought that drew Josh's attention back to the conversation, his head already shaking as he focused on Emily. "You're not going out by yourself to meet some girl you don't even know. It's too dangerous."

She laughed at that, a predictable response but it didn't make him any less determined to talk her out of going. "Josh, she's not a stranger. I've known her a lot longer than you've known Cooper. Besides, I can take care of myself."

"Emily, come on. It's just common sense, you don't go out by yourself after dark in a foreign country. Anything could happen."

"He's right," Cooper chimed in, grinning at the exasperated sigh that escaped Emily's throat. "So we'll go with you."

"We will?" It wasn't really an argument, just surprise because as much as the night life in Paris would probably interest Cooper, Josh hadn't really thought about doing anything with their free time besides getting Cooper out of his clothes as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, that way Emily gets to meet her friend and I get you all to myself on a dance floor."

Josh would have been charmed by Cooper's enthusiastic grin if the word 'dance' hadn't just come out of his mouth. "I don't dance. Seriously, Cooper, not at all."

Cooper shrugged in a way that said 'we'll see about that' and flashed another indulgent grin. "Okay, so I get you all to myself in a room where there's dancing. It'll be fun."

"Whatever," Emily interjected, trying and failing to look annoyed at the two of them for interfering. "If it takes you two tagging along to get you to keep your mouths shut, fine."

Not that Josh had actually agreed to go to the disco, but when he turned away from Emily to look at Cooper again he knew he wasn't going to argue. It didn't really matter to him what they did, as long as they were together he was happy to tag along and make sure Emily was safe. Besides, she looked like she was trying not to let them see how grateful she was for the company, and he already owed her for the plane ride and then the first part of the train ride before Cooper showed up. If she hadn't been there to distract him he would have spent two days driving himself crazy worrying about seeing Cooper again, so the least they could do was go to some club with her.

~

Josh waited until the water turned on in the shower before he slipped out of their room and took the stairs two at a time up to the third floor. He smirked as he passed the room he was supposed to be sharing with Dante but had never actually seen the inside of and stopped in front of Emily's door. When the door swung open he smiled at Kelly, ignoring the surprise and quick flash of fear in her eyes as he brushed past her.

"Hey," Emily said when as she looked up from her bed, looking Josh up and down appraisingly. "You should wear black more often."

He stifled a laugh as he remembered Cooper saying the exact same thing in a much different way and glanced over his shoulder at Kelly as she pretended to ignore them from the other side of the room. "Listen, you know that thing you did on the plane? Do you think you could. . .you know. . .do it again?"

"I told you he'd love it," she said, grabbing him by the arm before he had a chance to protest. "Come on, the light's better in the bathroom."

Thirty seconds later he found himself sitting on the toilet, doing his best to hold still while Emily drew thick black lines under his eyes and at the edges of his eyelids. When she was done she took a step back, her lips pressed together as she examined her work. "There you go. You sure you don't wanna try some lipstick? I've got the perfect color for you."

"No way," he said as he watched her rummage through her makeup case. "This is bad enough, and I should still be mad at you for letting me forget to take it off in the first place."

"Right, because you hated it so much that you're back for more." She rolled her eyes and held the eyeliner out to him. "Here, keep it. I can't wear Smoked Kohl anyway, I'm more of a Raisin girl."

"Thanks, I think," he said, frowning down at the word 'Maybelline' emblazoned on the pencil. "Not that I could put this on myself."

"It's not that hard, Josh. So you guys ready or what?"

"Cooper's still in the shower." He stood up and followed her out of the bathroom, both of them glancing over at Kelly as she turned back to the magazine she'd been pretending to read. "You wanna meet us down in the lobby in like twenty minutes?"

Emily nodded and picked up the earrings she'd started to put in when Josh showed up, tilting her head to slide one in. "Listen, Josh, in all seriousness, thanks for coming with me tonight. I guess I was a little nervous about going by myself."

"It's no problem," he said as he watched her fasten her earring and reach for the other one. "Besides, Cooper seems pretty excited about going."

"You're pretty crazy about him, huh?" she asked, grinning as she watched him blush.

He shrugged and stole another glance over at Kelly, smiling in spite of his embarrassment as he realized she'd given up pretending she wasn't listening. "I love him. I mean there aren't many people in the world that would go through as much trouble as he did to meet me in a foreign country."

"Man, life just isn't fair." Emily let out an exaggerated sigh, shaking her head as she straightened up and smiled at Josh. "And here I thought I was living on the edge when I told Chantal that I'd meet her at the club."

Josh laughed and backed toward the door, tucking the eyeliner into the pocket of his jeans as he reached for the doorknob. "I'll see you downstairs in a little while. And don't get caught. Wouldn't want to disappoint Cooper." He grinned as she rolled her eyes at him, pulling the door shut behind him and heading for the stairs again. When he got back to their room Cooper was digging through his suitcase, a towel tied around his waist as he searched for something to wear.

He looked up as Josh let himself into the room, his jaw dropping and the shirt he'd been holding falling back onto the suitcase. "Whoa. I guess I don't have to ask where you were."

Josh grinned self-consciously and closed the door behind him, reaching up to smooth down the front of his black button-down. "Is it too much? I mean you seemed like you kind of got a kick out of it the first time, but I don't know how I feel about going out in public with this stuff on."

"Josh, you look. . .I mean you always look good but this. . .black is definitely your color." Cooper closed his mouth and grinned, obviously pleased with himself for finally forcing out a coherent thought. "I don't know if we're actually gonna get out of here now, though."

"Fine by me." Josh laughed as Cooper pulled him forward and planted a hard kiss on his lips. "Going out was your idea anyway, I don't care if we stay here."

Cooper laughed against his neck and reached up to unbutton Josh's collar. "Nice try, but I'm not wasting a chance to show off my trophy boyfriend." He tugged Josh's shirt open a little, running his fingers over Josh's bruised neck. "There, now you look perfect."

"Just get dressed before I find a way to change your mind," Josh murmured, brushing his lips against Cooper's one more time before he let go. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched while Cooper pulled on a pair of boxers and a pair of tan slacks, then a crisp white button-down that made him look like a junior executive. When he pulled a tie out of his suitcase and tied a perfect knot Josh's jaw dropped a little, watching as he slid his glasses on to complete the corporate look.

One of the first things he'd noticed about Cooper was how well-dressed he always was; even when he was wearing a pair of jeans they looked more tailored somehow than a normal teenager's jeans would. Josh's jeans had grass stains and nearly white patches around the knees and inner thighs from wearing them all summer and during the fall when he and other kids from school worked the crops on the farms surrounding Sandborn. He has calluses on his hands from running farm equipment and helping bail hay, and he usually went back to school with a sunburn on the back of his neck and his forearms from spending the whole summer out in the sun in just a tee shirt and a pair of worn jeans.

Cooper, though – he came off as the kind of guy whose fingernails were always clean, who had never gotten a sunburn anywhere except maybe on the tip of his nose from hanging around the yacht club. He came off as the kind of guy that just didn't get dirty no matter what he did, who was destined for life behind a big desk made out of some expensive wood. Which was pretty much the truth if Cooper's father had anything to say about it, but Josh had never really thought about how good it looked on him before. Not that he wanted Cooper to be unhappy – he just really, really wanted to reach out and grab the end of his navy blue tie, pull him close and kiss him until he couldn't remember why they'd bothered getting dressed in the first place.

"You know what you need?"

Josh blinked at the sound of the question, forcing his attention back up to meet Cooper's expectant gaze. "What?"

"Leather pants."

"Excuse me?"

Cooper smirked at the confused expression on Josh's face, crossing to the bed to lean over and plant a soft kiss on his lips. "You need a pair of black leather pants. And some boots, too. Those really expensive ones with the thick soles. Not that you don't already look amazing, but the pants would really push this look over the top."

"Leather pants are expensive."

"Good point." Cooper grinned and took hold of Josh's arms, pulling him off the bed and backing them toward the door. "Know what else you need? A rich boyfriend."

Josh didn't have anything to compare the inside of the disco to, but whatever he'd imagined hadn't even come close to what he saw when they got there. He had no idea how Emily was expecting to find her friend in the press of people inside the club, let alone how anyone actually danced in there. The room looked like a giant warehouse painted black, and aside from the occasional flash of color from the strobe lights the only lights he could find were stark white floodlights directed at the DJ booth.

He tightened his grip on Cooper's hand and let the other boy pull him through the crowd in the direction of what he assumed was the bar, half hoping that Emily's friend wouldn't show so they could go back to the hotel. At the very least he'd rather go find another one of those little cafés that seemed to be everywhere, because this definitely wasn't a scene he'd ever feel comfortable in. There were too many people and there was definitely way too much dancing going on, and whatever music they were playing didn't appeal to him at all.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Cooper shouted over the bad music as they finally reached the bar. Josh just nodded, thankful that at least it was dark so Cooper wouldn't see what a bad time he was planning on having.

"You want something to drink?" Josh shouted back.

Cooper nodded and leaned against the bar as Josh ordered two beers and paid the bartender, handing one to Cooper and leaning on the bar next to him as they scanned the crowd for any sign of Emily. She'd said something about meeting her friend near the DJ booth, and they'd agreed to wait by the bar until she found them again and let them know what her plans were. Josh wasn't crazy about the idea of her wading into the crowd by herself, let alone leaving her here to find her own way back to the hotel. He couldn't really do anything to stop her, though; she was almost 17 and he wasn't even her older brother, let alone her father.

As he scanned the faces around them his gaze landed on a couple near the edge of the dance floor. He was surprised but relieved to see that they were both guys, because that at least meant that he and Cooper weren't completely unwelcome in the club. So far no one had bothered them during their trip, but part of him always felt like he should be looking over his shoulder waiting for the next person that was offended by their relationship.

"He thinks you're interested." Cooper's voice sounded in his ear, barely audible thanks to the driving techno music but loud enough for Josh to catch the note of jealousy.

"Who?"

"That guy you're staring at," Cooper answered, lifting his beer to his lips as he watched Josh over the rim of the glass.

"He's with somebody," Josh said, frowning as he glanced over at the guy in question again and realized that he really was staring. His cheeks flushed and he turned back to Cooper, finally giving in to the urge to grab his tie and tug him forward for a kiss. "And so am I," he added when he let Cooper up for air.

Cooper grinned and picked up his beer again, taking Josh's free hand and entwining their fingers as he turned back toward the crowd. Josh leaned a little closer to Cooper as he picked up his beer and looked in the direction of the DJ booth, his heart beating a little faster in his chest as it sank in that some guy thought he was trying to pick him up just because Josh had been watching them dance. He had no idea how this stuff worked; the only reason he and Cooper were together was because Cooper had been smart enough to figure out what Josh couldn't tell him when they first met. He'd never been to a gay bar and so far his first club experience was. . .well, kind of overwhelming. All he really wanted to do was go back to the hotel and go back to bed, but Cooper seemed perfectly comfortable and he couldn't help wondering if he was in for more of this when he got to Buffalo in a few months.

He leaned toward Cooper and opened his mouth to ask if they had places like this in Buffalo, but before he got the words out Emily appeared in front of them. "Hey, found her. They've got a table in the back, come on."

She grinned and motioned for them to follow her, and a moment later Josh found himself being pulled through the crowd by Cooper again. They stopped next to a table full of kids around their age, most of them shouting over the music and each other in French. Emily pushed Josh and Cooper down next to a girl with strawberry blonde hair, motioning at them and then the girl as she performed what Josh assumed was some kind of introduction. He couldn't hear a word Emily was shouting now that they were closer to the source of the music, but he assumed that this was the girl Emily had come to meet.

Before he or Cooper had a chance to react Emily and Chantal were talking a mile a minute in French, and Josh lifted his beer to his lips only to choke on a mouthful of room temperature liquid as he registered the words that came out of Chantal's mouth. He looked at Emily as Cooper reached out to pat his back, struggling to catch his breath as he told himself he hadn't just heard what he thought he heard.

"Josh, you okay?"

Josh nodded automatically at the sound of Cooper's voice, thankful that his boyfriend didn't understand French. "Yeah, just swallowed wrong," he said when he finally found his voice again. The panicked look on Emily's face told him that she knew he'd overheard, and she changed the subject as fast as she could to dancing. Which was a better choice than what he'd just overheard, but he wasn't sure how much better when the entire table stood up and started filing toward the dance floor.

"You guys coming?" Emily asked, pausing long enough to glance down at them.

"I seriously don't dance," Josh said. He turned to look at Cooper, caught between guilt for ruining Cooper's fun and the urge to get out of there as fast as possible. "You can go if you want."

"Yeah, right." Cooper grinned as he slid his arm around Josh's shoulders and leaned forward to look at Emily. "Have fun, we'll save the table."

Before she could answer Chantal reappeared from the sea of people and grabbed Emily's hand, tugging her into the crowded dance floor. Josh watched while one of the guys from their table took hold of Emily's hips and pulled her close, then they moved a little further into the crowd and Josh couldn't see her anymore. He turned back to Cooper and picked up his beer again, shaking his head as he wondered how he got himself into these situations. He never used to; his life used to be nice and boring, but ever since he met Cooper things had been spiraling pretty much out of control.

Cooper's hand left his shoulder to trail through his hair, evoking a sigh from Josh as he leaned into the touch. Things were out of control, alright, starting with the fact that one touch from Cooper was all it took to make him forget everything he'd been worried about a minute ago. He turned to look at the other boy, pulling Cooper forward and pressing their lips together. Cooper's other hand landed on his chest to gather the folds of his shirt and push him back against the bench, bracing them against the back rest. His mouth left Josh's lips to trail across his jaw, stopping at his ear and sending a shiver down Josh's spine. "You could dance, you know."

"Cooper. . ." Josh trailed off, rolling his eyes as Cooper's lips started moving against his skin again. He had a feeling he was about to lose an argument, but with Cooper pressed against him he was having a hard time remembering ever having a good reason to say no to anything Cooper asked for.

He felt himself being hauled to his feet before he could argue, then Cooper was pulling him onto the dance floor and even if Josh wanted to escape he wasn't sure he could make it back through the crush of bodies holding him in place. Not that he really had to worry about actual dancing, because the entire dance floor seemed to be moving as one entity. Cooper's hands landed on his hips at the same moment that his mouth found Josh's again, and they weren't so much dancing as they were sort of swaying into the kiss.

And if this was what Cooper counted as dancing Josh could get into it, because for the first time since the growth spurt that had left him all knees and elbows and at least six inches taller than the rest of his class he wasn't thinking about how stupid he must look trying to pretend he knew what people meant by 'rhythm'. He wasn't thinking about anything, really, except vague words every so often like 'soft' and 'warm' and 'nice. . .yeah'. He smiled against Cooper's mouth and decided that he didn't hate dancing so much after all, because how could he really hate anything that let him get this close to Cooper in public?

The hands on his hips moved to his waist, up under his shirt to trace patterns on his back as Josh shivered against him. "See? Not that painful," Cooper whispered against his ear, sending a jolt of desire down Josh's spine. He wasn't sure he agreed that the experience was completely pain-free, but not for the reasons Cooper was talking about. They still had a long subway ride back to the hotel, and there was no telling how long Emily would want to stay and hang out with her new friends. He stifled a sigh and resigned himself to a long night of frustration before he finally got Cooper alone again.

~

The subway ride back to the hotel felt even longer than the ride to the disco, mainly because it was late and all three of them were worn out from dancing, loud music and room temperature beer. It was obvious from the wide-eyed stare and the almost constant blush that Josh didn't feel comfortable inside the club – he'd probably seen and heard a few things that he'd never even thought about before. He hadn't complained, though, or asked if they could please go back to the hotel before they got themselves in trouble. He'd even danced with Cooper more than once, although whether what they were doing on the dance floor could be categorized as actual dancing or something more like foreplay he couldn't say. Either way it was. . .hot. Yeah, hot in a I-can't-believe-I-get-to-take-him-home-with-me kind of way, because even though Josh was still Josh underneath the eyeliner and the clothes he looked just different enough to make Cooper wonder.

Josh shifted against his shoulder and Cooper blinked his eyes open, pushing away the memories of all the looks Josh had gotten that night and a few things he'd overheard on the dance floor.

"I thought you were asleep," Josh said, voice thick like he was forcing himself to stay awake so they wouldn't miss their stop. Like Josh didn't know how to not be responsible, like a reluctant superhero who could never take a night off because the weight of the world rested on his shoulders.

"Just resting my eyes. I've still got plans for tonight."

Josh grinned, chasing sheer exhaustion out of his features as he registered the look in Cooper's eyes. "Like what?"

"Like that mouth of yours," Cooper answered, raising his eyebrows as he watched Josh blush. "Then I want you to fuck me."

Josh swallowed convulsively and glanced over at Emily, but she was still fast asleep on the seat across from them. He flushed a deeper shade of red as Cooper chuckled close to his ear, pulling Josh back down to lean against him. "And just so you know, I don't share."

"What?"

Cooper grinned at Josh's wide-eyed look, leaning up to plant a soft kiss on his lips before he pulled back again. "Back at the club, when you choked on your beer. I heard what she said."

"Since when do you speak French?"

Cooper rolled his eyes as though the answer should be obvious. "Come on, Josh. Everybody knows what 'menage a trois' means."

Before Josh could say anything they reached their stop, and Cooper reached over to shake Emily awake before he pulled Josh out of the seat and off the subway. He knew Josh's wheels were already spinning trying to figure out how Cooper understood what that girl was talking about and who exactly she had in mind, and maybe he'd even explain it to him later. For now, though, all he was really interested in was seeing those lips wrapped around his dick while a pair of dark eyes smudged with black looked up at him.

The second they made it inside their room Cooper went to work on the buttons of Josh's shirt, pushing the fabric off his shoulders to pool on the floor just inside the door. Josh reached for Cooper's tie and pulled him forward, fusing their lips together as he pulled the knot open and tossed the tie in the direction of a chair. He forced himself to slow down so he wouldn't rip any of Cooper's buttons off in his hurry to get him out of his shirt, his hands moving to the other boy's waistband as soon as his shirt was off. Cooper couldn't remember the last time he'd been in this much of a hurry, but then he kicked off his shoes and socks as Josh pushed his pants and boxers down and just. . .slid to his knees. He was still half-dressed, his face already flushed from the rush to get home and get naked, his fingers hot against Cooper's thighs as he slid his hands across already twitching muscle.

"Josh. . ." Cooper murmured, the name sounding more like a prayer than he'd ever thought possible as Josh leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Cooper's stomach. Slowly he worked his way down as Cooper kept up a stream of murmured encouragements, his fingers in Josh's hair to guide him down. And he knew that Josh didn't even realize how beautiful he was, or how many people had looked at him at the club and wished they were the one taking him home. He'd been looking right at that guy on the dance floor and he still hadn't seen that the guy wanted him, and Cooper couldn't even blame the guy because who wouldn’t want Josh? It was his own fault that people were looking because Josh wouldn't have dressed up like this for anyone but him; he'd put on the makeup and the clothes because he knew Cooper would like it, that he'd get off on the sight of Josh looking dark and a little spoiled and completely uncomfortable being on display.

Which made Cooper the lowest form of bastard, because he knew how weird Josh would feel in a place like that and he wanted to go anyway. Wanted to draw him out of his safe, insulated world a little more, just to see how far he could push before Josh finally drew a line in their strange, strange relationship. And he was still pushing, standing in front of Josh and struggling not to close his eyes against the hot velvet feeling of Josh's mouth moving up and down his length, just so he could look down and see those eyes rimmed in sweat-smeared black eyeliner.

And he wasn't sure whether or not to tell Josh that the real reason he knew what the girl had said was because she said it again, in English this time when Josh was searching in vain for something that would pass for a restroom because he was too much of a gentleman to just go outside like everybody else in France and piss on the side of the building. He knew he couldn't tell Josh that if he'd been with any other guy that night he might have considered her offer, might have gotten off even on the irony of a cliché menage a trois with an actual real live French person, even if she was a girl. Couldn't tell him that she'd used that particular phrase simply because she knew it was one they'd both recognize whether they spoke her language or not, that she thought she was being coy and the whole damn time she'd been looking right at Josh with this. . .hunger that made Cooper want to smack the come-fuck-me expression right off her face. Because the truth was he'd never given a damn about sharing either way, not until he first laid eyes on Josh and decided without even realizing it that he was gonna be the first person to kiss those lips.

He had been, too, and it hadn't even been that hard to take every first he could think of from Josh. Only now as the pleasure tightened in his groin and Josh's fingers wandered back to circle the entrance to his body he wasn't sure if he'd given enough in return. He didn't have any firsts to give, because even though he hadn't done it with that many people he'd done pretty much everything. Well, everything except fall in love, which was something he hadn't been expecting when he set his sights on that mouth he loved so much but it didn't really surprise him at all when he realized what was happening.

"Look at me," he whispered, his voice husky with need and when Josh looked up he just lost it. It was all he could do not to thrust wildly and choke him, so he shut his eyes and arched his back and focused on the feeling of Josh's fingers digging into his hipbone hard enough to bruise. He could hear the sound of his own panting pounding against his ears, like he was floating in a water-filled tunnel or six feet under and surrounded by dirt. Then Josh was pulling away, shaking his head out of Cooper's grip and wetting one, two fingers before Cooper pushed back between his lips again. Legs spread a little wider so Josh could work his fingers into Cooper in counter-rhythm to the strokes of mouth and tongue against too-hot flesh, a little rougher this time but maybe that was how they both needed it. And God, he hoped so, because he knew he wouldn't be able to stop and one more look down at Josh to find him watching – just looking up at Cooper, studying his face as he edged closer and closer to losing control – and he did lose it, clamping down on the fingers still buried inside him and coming with an intensity he always felt with Josh but still took him by surprise.

He slid to his knees as soon as Josh released him, seeking out Josh's mouth with his own to taste himself mingled with the flavor of the kiss. His hands went to work on Josh's waistband, easing his zipper down and pushing black denim and cotton boxers over his hips. His fingers caressed the hollow of Josh's hipbone, seeking out the spot just below the ball of the joint that always made Josh whimper. When he found the spot he smiled against Josh's lips and let him pull away long enough to wrestle the rest of his clothes off. It didn't matter that they'd never quite made it to the bed, that they were kneeling on the carpet in a dark hotel room or that his father would know exactly what he'd been up to as soon as he got his credit card bill and saw a week's worth of hotel charges on it.

He pulled away long enough to reach for the lube they'd left on the nightstand, and when he turned back to look at Josh his clothes were gone and he was still kneeling on the carpet slowly stroking his erection. A shiver rolled through Cooper with a force he didn't know was possible, and he felt himself getting hard again just watching. He was caught between wanting to watch Josh get himself off and wanting Josh to just take him, knowing he could have it either way if he just asked. All he had to do was ask, to tell Josh what he wanted and the other boy would smile or blush or just nod because he was too stunned or too turned on by the latest suggestion to answer with words. And then, before he could even decide what he wanted more, Josh reached out and just. . .took.

Cooper found himself turned toward the bed and pulled back onto his knees, legs kicked apart almost roughly as he braced himself against the mattress. And that had to be the hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life, because Josh didn't take charge ever and if he could make him lose this much control then maybe. . .just maybe. . .

The tube that was still clutched in his left hand disappeared; a gentle press of lips against his shoulder as Josh slid two slick fingers back inside Cooper. And there was that reminder that this was still Josh, no matter how much he needed it or how hard he was he was making sure Cooper was ready. Somehow he marshaled his voice into action long enough to gasp one word: "Now." As in fuck foreplay, fuck lube, just now.

And Josh understood, pulled his fingers away and pressed his lips to Cooper's neck just below his ear, opened a hot mouth against his skin and exhaled just enough to raise the tiny hairs along Cooper's skin as he took hold of Cooper's hips and slid inside. Not really being gentle, but not hard enough to hurt later either and Cooper wasn't sure if he wanted it to hurt or not. Part of him did; part of him wanted the burn tomorrow to remind him of tonight but part of him thought that maybe if Josh took him as hard as he wanted – as hard as he needed – that maybe it would make up in some small way for all the taking Cooper had done.

He dropped his head onto his arms, forehead pressed against the mattress to brace himself against each thrust, crying out every time Josh brushed that spot inside him. Trying not to cry from the sheer force of his emotions, knowing that if he did Josh would stop and make him tell him what was wrong. And that was the real bitch of it, wasn't it? Because there wasn't anything wrong; everything was right and it felt too good, too perfect and any second now it could all fall apart. Something he did or said or didn't say could ruin everything between them, and he just knew he'd spend the rest of his life comparing every other person he ever laid eyes on to Josh.

Strong, gentle hands around his waist to pull him up, back against Josh's chest to rest his head on Josh's shoulder. His eyes were still closed as Josh nuzzled his neck, breathing deep and pulling Cooper's scent into his lungs before he exhaled again against fevered skin. And all Cooper could think as Josh thrust up one last time was that he had to find a way to make this last, forever if possible. Josh was still plastered against his back, arms like a vice grip around Cooper's body as he shuddered out the last of his orgasm, and even then Cooper knew he'd be pulling away too soon, leaving cold where living heat had been just a few seconds ago.

They stayed that way until Josh's breathing evened out, and it wasn't until Josh's hand closed around his length that Cooper realized he was still hard. He stayed still in the circle of Josh's arms and let Josh stroke him, bringing him just to the edge and then backing off again, slowing down his strokes until Cooper's breathing evened out a little before he finally picked up speed again. He wasn't sure how long Josh teased him, but when he came again it took him so much by surprise that for a few seconds he thought he might black out. Then his vision cleared and he was panting, still pressed against Josh's chest as Josh made soothing noises low in his throat.

Getting up proved difficult; too much time on their knees on a hard floor and the fact that Cooper couldn't feel his legs made climbing onto the bed interesting, but finally they made it and somehow they even managed to wrestle the covers back down. And if he hadn't been so damn tired Cooper might have pushed himself up on the pillow to enjoy the sight of Josh sprawled out on the mattress next to him, bathed in moonlight from the window they'd never gotten around to closing. He might even have laughed at himself for being sentimental about the sight of besmirched farmboy innocence all laid out next to him in an eerie almost black and white still frame. He was way too tired to notice any of that, though; in fact it was pretty much all he could do to get his voice to work and he wasn't even sure if Josh was still awake enough to listen.

"I love you." Simple declaration punctuated with a slight head turn and a press of lips against forearm – nothing he hadn't said before, still not too late to quit while he was ahead and just fall asleep next to Josh the way he'd done the past four nights. Got a murmur in response that sounded vaguely like 'love you too', but it was enough to let him know that Josh was still conscious enough to listen. Wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but he knew if he didn't just say it he'd spend the next three months driving himself crazy wondering why he hadn't. He pushed himself up on the pillow – it took a lot more effort than it should have but he hadn't been this sated and exhausted and scared in a long, long time – and then he did see Josh bathed in moonlight, and he couldn't remember anymore what he was afraid of.

"I think. . .I think I'm always gonna love you, Josh. I don't know how stuff like this works or anything, but. . .I just wanna be with you for as long as I can." Dark eyes fluttered open to stare up at him, stark emotion shining in them and. . .yeah, it was a lot easier to say this stuff when Josh still had his eyes closed. Nervous grin and the rest of Cooper's strength drained out of him, leaving him boneless as he fell back against the pillow and focused on the feeling of his heart pounding against his ribcage.

So Josh moved, slowly like he was treading in quicksand, shifted onto his side to stroke the back of two fingers down Cooper's cheekbone. "You mean that?"

The question was so obvious, so Josh that Cooper couldn't help smiling, a weak grin and a soft rumbling in his chest that would have to pass for a laugh until he could figure out what happened to all the muscle he used to have in his body. "Yeah. Yeah, Josh, I mean it. You and me, forever. You think that's possible?"

Warm lips brushing his forehead and Cooper never really thought he'd have much use for affectionate little touches like that that didn't really lead to anything else, but with Josh everything was different in a way that scared him more than even the thought of his parents disowning him. "I don't know, Cooper." His heart skipped a beat and went right back to pounding so hard he was pretty sure he'd have a heart attack before he ever got to sleep, then Josh dropped back down onto the pillow and buried his face against Cooper's shoulder. "I hope. . .yeah. It's possible."

~

Josh tugged at the cotton turtleneck that was threatening to choke him, rolling his eyes as the movement just made his breathing feel that much more constricted. It had been his one concession to his mother when she got him home and took a long, hard look at the marks all over his neck and collarbone, muttered something about vampires and teenage hormones and sent him to the kitchen to sweat until she was ready to join him for The Talk.

When she finally did sit down across the table from him – minutes or maybe hours later, he wasn't sure which – she'd been so cool about it that there was no way he was going to argue when she asked him if he'd just cover up 'that stuff on his neck' when they went in to talk to his principal. Not that the conversation hadn't been uncomfortable and downright embarrassing at times, but he knew his mother was trying to understand what was happening to him and he couldn't really fault her for that.

It had to be a shock to send her shy, gangly son off to New York City for an educational experience only to have this new person come back in his place. He still looked the same, still wore the same clothes with a few noticeable exceptions and maybe still felt like him on the inside but she could see the changes in him already. She was his mother, after all, and even though she had to work swing shift sometimes and she didn't get to see him as often as she liked she still knew him better than anybody else in the world.

That was how the conversation started, not bad all things considered but he knew eventually they'd get into touchier topics like what exactly went on between him and Cooper and how long he expected it would last once he got to college. He didn't have an answer for that one – he knew what he hoped, what he and Cooper had said and maybe even meant enough to make it happen, but he also knew better than to tell his mother or anybody else that. For one thing she'd just tell him he was too young and too inexperienced to know what he was talking about, and for another she'd probably be so worried about his emotional well-being that she'd try to tell him he couldn't see Cooper anymore.

So when she finally did get around to asking him why he'd done it he wasn't sure what to tell her, but she kept pushing until finally he just opened his mouth and let the words tumble out: Have you ever loved somebody so much you can't breathe when you're around them? Just like that, like that's something you say to your mother or anybody outside of a cheesy romance, really, but as soon as he said it she got this look in her eyes and he regretted the fact that he hadn't just lied. And that was why kids spent so much time trying to pretend their parents weren't people with real lives, because they never wanted to see that much pain and hurt on their own mother's face and know that they were a part of the person that put that pain there.

They never really talked about his father; didn't talk about him that day either but she knew exactly what he meant when he asked her the question. Maybe it just made her a little more worried that he was going to get hurt, but she knew there was nothing she could do to stop it. So she sighed and patted his hand, took another vaguely horrified look at the evidence of his sex life all over his neck and made him promise he'd go to the hospital with her and Get Tested. Which he was sure everyone at the hospital and then everyone in town would hear about before the week was out, but he didn't care because if it made his mother feel better to know he knew what he was doing he didn't care what anybody else thought.

Not that he really knew what he was doing, but he trusted Cooper and she trusted Josh and that was pretty much all they had to go on. After that they talked about the trip, about seeing all those places he'd only read about and how much better it was that he'd seen them with Cooper. He confessed that they'd blown off the day's events after that night at the club, although he left out the part about why exactly they'd blown off an entire day. He just said something vague about Cooper not really liking water because it was the first thing that popped into his head to explain why they couldn't get out of bed in time to go on a cruise down the Seine and then spend the afternoon wandering around the Père Lachaise cemetery looking for Jim Morrison's grave.

It was the first real conversation he'd ever had with his mother, and the first time she'd really treated him like an actual adult who could maybe be trusted to make his own decisions. So when he brought up the summer and New York she'd bristled a little, maybe because it was hard for her to let go so much sooner than she'd thought she'd have to or maybe because she still wasn't sure she could trust Cooper. Finally she'd agreed, though – he could tell she didn't want to and that she thought spending the summer at home putting in one last season on their neighbor's farm would be better for him but she agreed because what else could she do, really?

So the worst part was over, and now he was sitting outside the principal's office with his mother next to him waiting to find out how long he was suspended. He wasn't sure why exactly they'd had to go into the school to discuss it; it wasn't like he didn't know what he'd done wrong and why they were punishing him. He'd accepted that when he told Ms. Timmons he wasn't asking Cooper to leave, so really all of this was just a formality that he would have been just as happy skipping.

The door to the principal's office swung open and the school secretary waved them in, casting a curious glance at Josh as he walked by that made his skin crawl just a little. They hadn't had to see too many of his classmates on the way in because their appointment was in the middle of third period, but the few people that had spotted him looked at him strangely enough that he knew the rumors were already flying. Nothing he hadn't expected, but it didn't make him feel any less self-conscious when he found his personal life under a microscope again.

When they walked into the office and closed the door behind them he realized that Ms. Timmons was already in there, making herself as small as possible in the chair farthest from the door as she glanced up without quite meeting Josh's eyes. That was really his first indication that something wasn't right; that maybe this wasn't just about the length of his suspension or them telling him to his face that he was uninvited to Prom. He let his mother push him down into the chair closest to the door, kept his gaze on Mr. Roberts as the principal cleared his throat and waited for his mother to sit down before he started talking.

"Mrs. Miller, I assume you understand why you're here today. I'm afraid Josh has committed some serious offenses that the school board can't afford to take lightly. . ."

He'd heard that sometimes when people were dying that they'd see their past flash before their eyes, kind of like a movie or a laundry list of all the regrets they had about time wasted or people they never quite connected with because they just couldn't find the right words. As soon as Mr. Roberts started talking Josh's future flashed in front of his eyes, like the universe laughing as it showed him what he was never, ever going to have. He wasn't even really listening to the words because he knew the story already, how he'd invited Cooper on a school trip and how he'd skipped activities and engaged in 'inappropriate behavior' while he was supposed to be representing Sandborn. Like that wasn't the biggest joke he'd ever heard; as though anybody from Sandborn save maybe Emily would vote him to represent them in anything, and Emily would only pick him because she knew it would scandalize the rest of the town.

His mother was talking now, something about his scholarship and the fact that he'd had a rough year and the school wasn't doing anything to make it easier for him. Not that they could, really, but he didn't point that out because he knew he wasn't expected to actually contribute to the conversation. He was just supposed to sit there and take it, because in this part of the country children were still seen and not heard and anybody that was a little different was a threat to the way of life they'd all worked so hard to preserve in a tiny little town where everybody knew everybody else's business.

He felt his stomach turn and wondered if he'd actually throw up on the floor of the principal's office, had to stop himself from laughing at the thought because he knew if he laughed it was all over. Not that there was really any chance of his mom changing anybody's mind; if they were going to throw him out of school there was nothing either of them could do about it, and that meant he was fucked because he couldn't go to college without a scholarship but he couldn't stay in Sandborn either.

"I'm afraid Josh cost himself this opportunity, Mrs. Miller," the principal said, his voice sinking into Josh's train of thought and forcing his attention back to the people playing with his future like they were talking about whether or not to switch from chicken strips to nuggets in the cafeteria. "His flagrant disregard for the rules and his disrespect for Ms. Timmons here have shown us what kind of person he really is. Regardless of his past record I'm afraid we have no other recourse."

"You can't expel my son from school for sleeping through a day of a school field trip," his mother answered. Josh's eyebrows shot up at the quiet strength of her tone, and he had to stifle a smile when she glanced over at him. "He's been an honor student his entire life. He's never had so much as a detention until this year, you can't just kick him out of school three months before graduation because of this."

"Perhaps the fact that Josh's behavior has changed so drastically this year is the real concern," Mr. Roberts said in that annoyingly smooth tone that made Josh wanna. . .deep breath, clenching his fists around the metal arms of his chair so he wouldn't react because his mother could handle herself and if he did lose it and open his mouth he'd just make things worse. "You've been working nights this past year, haven't you, Mrs. Miller? Perhaps Josh's lack of supervision. . ."

That was a low blow and Josh had to cough to cover a laugh at the look on his mother's face. He'd pissed her off plenty of times in his life, but he'd never seen her turn quite that shade of red and he wondered if that was what he looked like when Cooper whispered something so shocking in his ear that his whole body flushed. "If there are any problems with lack of supervision in my son's life I think the school itself is the first place to point fingers," she said, the words spit out around a clenched jaw and Josh sat up a little, wondering what she could possibly be talking about. "He tried to hide it from me and thanks to my work schedule almost succeeded, but as I'm sure you're aware news travels fast around here, even at the hospital. So I'm sure you heard about two of your students beating up my son on school grounds, although as far as I know no disciplinary action was ever taken."

Josh sat back in his chair and stared at his mother, stunned that she'd heard about that but never said anything to him. Then again he was learning all kinds of new things about his mother today, like how dangerous it could be to really piss her off. Mr. Roberts opened his mouth to sputter some kind of denial, Josh assumed, but his mom talked right over him like the guy wasn't even sitting there. "I'm sure you're also aware that Josh isn't the only student to skip some of the scheduled activities during the trip. Surely Ms. Timmons mentioned that some of the other students chose not to attend certain tours, including Emily Larson."

He said a silent prayer that Emily wouldn't kill him for opening his big mouth to his mom and getting her in trouble too, although he was pretty sure she wasn't even in danger of suspension for oversleeping and blowing off the cruise the same way Josh did. He knew why they were coming down so hard on him; none of his teachers or any other school officials had said a word to him about the fact that he was gay, but they were slow to stop the whispers and the often threatening insults that were hurled at him in the halls on a daily basis.

"This isn't just a question of skipping scheduled activities," Mr. Roberts said. Josh held his breath and waited for it, waited for the older man to bring up inappropriate behavior again and maybe even come out and admit that it had everything to do with the fact that Josh was gay. He knew nobody was going to actually say it, but in a way it would make all this easier to sit through if someone just admitted the truth. "This is a question of appropriate behavior for a school-sponsored activity."

An unconscious tug of his turtleneck as all eyes in the room turned toward him, flashes of the implied inappropriate behavior making him blush and squirm a little in his seat. Because yeah, okay – maybe he'd gone a little too far bringing his boyfriend on a school trip but it wasn't like they were hurting anybody. Cooper hadn't even really said anything to anyone in the group; in fact he wouldn't be surprised if half of them still thought Cooper was just some random French kid he'd picked up on the train.

"Regardless of my son's lack of judgement where inviting his friend along is concerned, his behavior doesn't warrant expulsion." Josh winced a little when she said the word 'friend', felt instantly guilty that it bothered him that his mother still couldn't say 'boyfriend' because it shouldn't matter but it still hurt.

"The school board may feel otherwise." Said in a flat tone, almost a threat but ambiguous enough for Mr. Roberts to take it back if he had to.

And it turned out that Josh's mom didn't really like to be threatened, because before he even knew what was happening she was throwing around words like 'harassment' and 'civil rights' and 'lawsuit' and hauling him out of his chair. He didn't even remember getting up to follow his mom out of the office – he was too busy wondering when exactly she'd had time to study up on civil rights laws and if she really would sue the school just for expelling him. A week ago he would have laughed at that idea, but he was starting to realize it was a bad idea to put anything past her.

He knew he should be worried – about his scholarship, about his future in general and about what this was going to do to his mom's life. He still didn't regret it, though, even though it could cost him college after all he still wouldn't trade hearing Cooper say I think I'm always gonna love you for anything. And he wouldn't tell his mom that; wouldn't tell anybody that because it was between him and Cooper and that was the way he wanted to keep it, and maybe it was just him being naïve but he had a feeling things would work out.

The End