Work Text:
Even The Songs Are Sad
by Ragna
(writinggoddess@aol.com)
// I walk a lonely road,
The only one I have ever known,
Don't know where it goes,
But its home to me,
I walk alone //
Angel listened to the song his son was playing in the other room of their small apartment outside of Cleveland. They were it, the only two to survive the massacre in Los Angeles, the only ones to continue on with the killing, the fighting...
The path to his redemption, or so he'd thought.
// I walk this empty street,
On the boulevard of broken dreams,
Where the city sleeps,
And I'm the only one,
And I walk alone,
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a... //
It had been so long, and yet here he was, still a vampire, still having his weaknesses and his faults and Lord knew it was getting harder and harder every day to muster up the will to get up and do this job.
Job...it was more of a life sentence of self-imposed punishment with no chance of a reward in sight.
// My shadow's the only one that walks beside me,
My shallow heart's the only one thing that's beating,
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me,
Till then I walk alone, //
He started this for a reason: it was destiny, at least according to Whistler. He had done it for Buffy, and then he had done it for the lost souls in Los Angeles.
And, even when he had no clue who Angel really was, he'd done it for Connor. He was like any real father; he wanted his son safe.
And he did it for redemption, for the chance to Shanshu and the chance to make up for every mistake he made as a drunken human and an evil vampire.
// I'm walking down the line,
That divides me somewhere in my mind,
On the border line,
Of the edge and where I walk alone, //
But there was no Shanshu, no chance to really make amends. He was chasing a ghost, and he knew it. Everyone had probably known it.
There was no redemption for him; he had been too evil, started to repent too late...he was just too late.
// Read between the lines,
What's fucked up and everything's alright,
Check my vital signs,
And know I'm still alive,
And I walk alone.
I walk alone, I walk alone,
I walk alone, I walk a... //
He got up and opened the curtains. There was money in the bank and a plane ticket on the table next to the urn. He had faith that Connor would know what to do.
Much as he wanted his ashes delivered to Buffy, he'd closed that chapter of his life long ago and had no intention of reopening it, even with his death. There was a note to his son, apologizing and laying out his final wishes.
Faith would know what to do with his ashes, he was sure.
// My shadow's the only one that walks beside me,
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating,
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me,
Til then I walk alone.
I walk alone, I walk a... //
In a few seconds, it would all be over. No more pain, no more suffering...maybe he'd see all his friends again. Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia...he even looked forward to bickering with Spike again.
He could see the sun rising, it's light coming into the window...
// I walk this empty street,
On the boulevard of broken dreams,
Where the city sleeps,
And I'm the only one and I walk a... //
Seconds later, Connor looked at the pile of ash in front of the window. He was sad, of course...it was his father there. But it wasn't a surprise.
He knew what to do, of course. There was a letter, and Angel had even left the urn. He gathered up the ashes at his feet, placed them in the urn, and then set the urn on the table.
He had to pack...there was a plane to catch.
// My shadow's the only one that walks beside me,
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating,
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me,
Til then I walk away. //
END