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Bending Ares 3: Dissed!
by Scorpio
"You've gone mad!"
Ares blinked in shocked confusion and turned to stare quizzically at his daughter.
"Ex-squeeze me?"
Xena was the only mortal he knew that could look both amused and pissed off at the same time. It was a good look for her as it made her blue eyes sparkle. Ares decided that he could, and should, take full credit for that.
"You're crazier than *Strife*!"
Ares smirked at her.
"That's where you're wrong. *No one* is nuttier than my nephew!"
Then the true meaning of her words sank in and he scowled. Well, he *tried* to scowl, but it came across more like a petulant pout.
"Hey! I'm *not* crazy!"
He stomped one booted foot for emphasis, but Xena just snorted at him and sheathed her sword. Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Ares decided to try and get the conversation back on track.
"Seriously, Xena. Does this outfit, you know... work for me?"
Ares then spread his arms wide and twirled in a circle so that she could get the full effect. Instead of answering, the Warrior Princess just collapsed in a fit of hysterical giggles.
Hurt and offended, Ares flexed his powers and disappeared in a showering cascade of blue energy and flower petals.
*
"*There* you are! You are soooo hard to find when you aren't prancing alongside of Xena."
Ares' voice echoed through the forest before his body materialized next to the muttering Amazon Bard. He only had half a second to realize her intentions and then he quickly ducked, her staff whistling through the air above his head.
"Ares!"
The War God stood back up and ignored her momentarily in favor of brushing the wrinkles out of his clothes and making absolutely certain that all of the seams were straight. Then he turned to her and struck a pose, hip jutting out to the side, shoulders tilted, chest puffed out.
"It's me!"
He simpered and fluttered one hand limply through the air.
"You can bow to me now."
Gabrielle made a strange strangling sound, as if she were choking on her own tongue. And her eyes bulged out of her head as she stared at him in horrified fascination.
"Ares?... No, it can't be."
Ares head whipped around and he stared at her in confusion.
"Well, duh! Of *course* it's me. Who did you *think* I was?"
Gabrielle sputtered a moment and then her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"If I had to guess, I'd say that you were Aphrodite *pretending* to be Ares... and not doing a very good job of it at that."
Then it was Ares turn to sputter helplessly. After a long moment of floundering, he pulled himself together enough to stomp his foot, pout and exclaim denial in a shrill scandalized voice.
"I am *not* Aphrodite! I'm *Ares*. I'm a *War* God... not some silly *Love* God."
He stomped his foot again and pouted harder.
"Take me *seriously* dammit!"
Gabrielle smirked. Then she giggled. Then she began to chuckle real loudly. Ares went from being hurt, to being insulted, to getting angry. He began to form a ball of glowing blue energy in his hand. When the blonde bard saw this, her laughter died away instantly and she raised her staff in a defensive position.
"Whatever it is you want here, Dite. I'm *not* interested. You go talk to *Xena*. She's the one that's sneaking around with Joxer! And dressing up like Ares isn't going to work on *her* either!"
Ares growled. A real growl this time.
"I *told* you! I'm *not* Aphrodite! Do I *look* like I'm wearing pink underwear? NO! It's blue!"
Gabrielle's nose wrinkled up as she frowned in confusion, but Ares was on a roll now, and he wasn't about to be stopped. Pacing up and down the forest path,... well, mincing up and down the path, really... He yelled, stomped his feet and waved his glowing ball of blue energy about.
"What is *with* you two today? First Xena accuses me of acting like Strife, now you accuse me of being Dite in disguise! Did someone throw a whammy on you guys when I wasn't looking? No matter. I don't care. I *just* want to know if my butt looks big! But does anyone care? No!"
Turning on his heel, Ares glared at her, the finger of one hand coming up to waggle in her face.
"And *another* thing! I'm *glad* I told you two all those lies about Joxer and sex! I *knew* you two wouldn't believe *him* or each *other* when you all denied it, but that was half the fun. You guys *deserve* to suffer after the way you've treated me today."
Then, his temper got the better of him and he threw the ball of blazing energy at the Amazon Bard. His aim, as always, was true. Blue shimmering waves of light poured over Gabrielle, blinding her from his eyes. When the light faded, the blonde woman was standing there completely naked.
Horrified, Gabrielle looked down at her exposed body, shrieked loud enough to wake the dead, and then tried desperately to cover herself with her arms, hands and staff.
"My clothes!"
Ares smirked at her and struck a pose. Then, he pointed up towards the sky. With dawning realization in her eyes, Gabrielle followed the path he was pointing in. There, way up at the very top of the tree they were standing under, was her clothes. Her top, her skirt and her boots... clinging to the tips of the highest branches.
Gabrielle's eyes swung back down and she leveled a killer glare at Ares, but he just returned it with a smirk, a giggle and a handful of wiggling fingers. "Tootles!"
And with a flash of blue energy and a shower of flower petals, he was gone.
end