Work Text:
Open Heart, Open Arms
by BuffyAngel68
"Lex, will you please trust me?" Clark chuckled as he walked backwards into the immense office space, tugging his reluctant lover along.
"Normally, I would, but you've suddenly gone new age on me. I think I'm perfectly within my rights to be suspicious."
"I keep telling you this isn't new age. It's about relaxation, reassurance, self-esteem.... and love. I love you, Lex and I want.... no, I need to do this for you."
"Clark, I don't have to be.... "
Lex's words drifted into silence as he got his first look at the changes that had transformed the familiar, somewhat spartan room into a subtly lit and utterly soothing space. Candles had been placed in strategically chosen spots around the room, so that the air itself almost seemed to glow. Mats and throw pillows consumed a large part of the open floor space, so much so that the pair had been forced to halt only a few feet inside the door.
While Lex remained awe-struck, Clark knelt at his feet and efficiently removed his shoes and socks. After several seconds of numb wonder, Lex found his voice, but he kept starting another question before he ended the previous one, so Clark rose to his full height and gave his lover's busy mouth something much less confounding to focus on.
"Oh. Wow. Clark, this is so.... How did you.... where did you.... Who helped you mmmph.... mmmm. I adore your kisses, Clark but that wasn't fair."
"You're right. It was fantastic."
"Ha, ha, ha. Very droll, Clark, now answer mmmppph.... Clrk...."
Clark deepened and lengthened the kiss this time, intent on stealing enough of Lex's breath to keep him quiet for more than two seconds. When the younger man finally pulled back, he was pleased to note that he'd succeeded in thoroughly stunning his partner.
"Are you ready to shut up and go with the flow now?"
"Ummm..... yes?"
"Good answer. Pass go, collect two hundred dollars..." Clark replied, grinning as knelt to swiftly remove his own footwear.
"Clark...."
"Shhh. You said you trust me. If that's true then you'll follow my lead on this. I would never hurt you, Lex."
"I know that."
"Then come sit on the mat with me, okay? You won't regret this, I promise. Please?"
Finding himself willingly surrendering to Clark's unguarded, affectionate smile, Lex allowed himself to be towed to a vaguely central spot on the mats. Dropping onto one of the many pillows, he crossed his legs and looked at Clark skeptically.
"Let me guess. Now we smoke hash and argue about the best song on the White Album?"
"Lex."
"Damn. The mildly disappointed stare. You should have warned me sarcasm was out of bounds for the duration."
"I'm telling you now. As a matter of fact, talking at all is off limits for the next little while, for you anyway."
"And you?"
"I'll be describing my favorite non-sexual parts of your body and telling you why I think they're beautiful."
Lex suddenly stiffened and a minute touch of panic filtered into his eyes.
"Clark.... I don't think...."
"I love you, Lex."
"Clark, listen to me..."
"Close your eyes. You know I'll be there to catch you, Lex. Make the leap.... and just close your eyes."
For a long moment, Lex hesitated, struggling to understand how Clark's voice alone was capable of consistently short-circuiting his deepest fears and most ingrained doubts about himself and the world, but eventually, he gave in. "Thank you, Lex. I know that was the hardest thing I could've asked you to do. The rest of this is easy. All you have to do is listen. I understand you're not ready to accept what I'm about to say.... and that's fine for now. Just don't shut me out...."
Reaching out, Clark gently slid his hands under Lex's and lifted them up off his lover's knees.
"Your hands are beautiful to me. I love your fingers. They look so thin and delicate, but I know how strong they are. They're the part of you I focus on the most when you don't realize I'm watching. I'll bet you didn't know you never talk on the phone without a pen or.... something in your hand. I get.... hypnotized sometimes.... watching you take whatever it happens to be that day and.... play with it. You twirl it, make it spin on your desk.... I have this incredible memory of you running a coin over and over across your knuckles. You were totally wrapped up in the conversation and it was like your hand was on auto-pilot. I couldn't tear my eyes away."
Turning Lex's hands over, Clark winced slightly at the red, roughened skin and blisters he discovered. Bending his head, he briefly touched his lips to every damaged area on both palms, following each brush of his lips with a murmured repeat of, "You're amazing." Once his guilty conscience had been sufficiently pacified, Clark looked up again and continued speaking. "Every blister.... every patch of dry skin..... every scrap of sunburn that shows where you missed with the SPF 30..... they're all precious to me. I regret that you'll have pain from them, but I don't regret for a second that they exist. I only hope that when they fade, you'll remember how they got there.... and you'll be as proud as I am. These hands pulled off four straight days of demanding, painful, ego-erasing farm work and made a believer out of my father at the same time. That's a major accomplishment. Your hands are beautiful to me."
Laying Lex's hands carefully back on his knees, Clark gripped the older man's shoulders firmly.
"Your shoulders are beautiful to me. The weight they've had to hold up under.... it'd be too much for someone five times your age, but.... you do it. I don't know how, you just do. I've watched you when your... when Lionel's around. Your back stiffens up, your neck gets tight....and your shoulders turn into a two-by-four. It kills me, 'cause in that moment the man I love is so far away I can barely see him and this... anxious, defensive, angry little boy takes his place. Seeing him breaks my heart. I know the adult part of you can usually handle all the extra crap Lionel piles on you, but the kid.... his shoulders aren't as strong and he keeps getting crushed farther and farther down. I swear to you, Lex, whatever I have to do, no matter what it costs me I will take as much of your burden on myself as I possibly can. The first night we were together, I promised you that whatever you felt like you needed to let go of, I'd take it all and I meant every word. I'll keep pulling that weight off you a little at a time until it's all gone because your shoulders are beautiful to me and I won't see them broken."
Next, Clark's hands slid slowly up Lex's neck to cup his flushed cheeks in warm, gentle fingers. After a moment he smiled, turned his left hand over and ran the backs of his fingers lightly over the heated skin from cheekbone to jaw.
"Your face is beautiful to me. God, so beautiful. I'm so glad other people can't read you like I do. I mean... a twitch of muscle along your jaw and I swear I know whether you're angry or you're trying not to laugh. There've been times I could almost recite the exact words running through your mind. Your bone structure is amazing; strong and proud.... the bones of a natural leader. Your skin is so soft I'm addicted to the way it feels under my fingers.... and my lips. The no hair thing has never disturbed me. The fact that there's more of you to see and touch than other people.... well, let's just say it's not a turn-off. Your face is beautiful to me."
The sweeping fingertips now moved up to caress Lex's closed eyelids.
"Your eyes.... they're the most expressive part of you, but I don't think anybody else realizes. Maybe it's because they don't love you, don't have any reason to look so deep. I see your pain there, your anger, your fear.... I see everything and I don't reject any of it. Lying to you for so long was ten-times as hard because of your eyes. I know you think you pushed it down until it was invisible, but I knew. At first I couldn't be sure, but the first time I saw you deal with your father those same feelings were there in your eyes and I finally understood. What I was seeing was betrayal and mistrust. I need you to know I love you and I won't ever be the one to bring those things back to your eyes. I will do whatever's necessary to protect you.... and these. Your eyes are so beautiful to me." Clark assured him, pausing for a final barely-there touch before moving on.
"Your lips.... what I wouldn't do for these lips." Clark murmured, tracing the area under discussion with an easy touch; light enough to be fairly sure arousal didn't follow, but firm enough to communicate the truth of his words. "Didn't you ever wonder why I was always smiling at you? I noticed I was doing it practically the first time I came here. All I could think was 'He's alive. I didn't let him drown. I saved somebody's life.' That made me so happy I had no choice but to smile. I looked up at you and you smiled back.... it was just a tiny one, it only lasted for a few seconds, but.... all of a sudden I felt like I was the one in danger of drowning. After that, I did everything I could to make it happen again.... to get you to smile at me. Your lips are beautiful to me."
Finally refocusing on Lex as a whole, Clark realized his lover was visibly trembling and clenching his teeth hard enough to crack them. Smiling, Clark drew the older man into his arms and onto his lap. Pulling his head down, he cradled him, rocking slowly back and forth.
"It's okay. Do it..."
"I can't.... you know, you understand..." Lex responded tensely, his arms gradually sliding around Clark's lower back.
"I'm giving you permission, Lex. Go on... the past can't touch you here. It doesn't matter any more. Let it go, baby, please..."
"Clark... God, don't ask me that... I won't..."
"You'll never be weak in my eyes, Lex... Never. Your tears are as beautiful as the rest of you."
"How do you know?" Lex suddenly countered, defensiveness creeping into his voice. "You've never seen them. Noone has. Not since..."
"Julian. I know. Long time to hold all that salt water in, isn't it? Should I start calling you Aquaman?"
Lex choked out a laugh, but could only speak a few words, one last frantic attempt to halt Clark's campaign to nudge him into some kind of major emotional release.
"Damn it, stop..."
"I can't. I love you too much to let you keep carrying around all those tears inside. I mean... I saved you from drowning once already. I'd hate to have to repeat a rescue. Can't have you thinking I'm getting stale."
Lex laughed more heartily this time, but fought with all his strength to keep the laughter from changing into what Clark so obviously wanted it to become. "Let go, Lex... the hurt, the rage, the grief, the confusion... give it all up to me... I'm strong enough to handle it... I really am..."
Over the course of the next few minutes, Clark sensed the shudders in his lover's body increasing in intensity. He didn't need to look down to realize that Lex was finally crying. The smaller man's jaw eventually dropped open as he sobbed, and his breathing moved from deep and heaving, to slower and more relaxed and back to rapid, harsh, immense gouts of air, pulled into his lungs with a sound that made Clark wince and worry about the possibility of Lex suffering a serious asmtha attack. After a while, however, the older man's breathing settled down for good. Twisting his head to assure himself there was a pillow positioned where he needed it, Clark stretched out on the mat and brought an exhausted, half-asleep Lex down with him. Head on Clark's chest, still wrapped in his lover's secure embrace, Lex finished his slide into sleep a few moments later and Clark joined him not long after.
End.