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Looking Forward

Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo got out of his car and made his way towards the bullpen that his new team was waiting for him. He liked these people that he was leading in San Diego. He was surprised that Vance had let him be a team leader instead of SFA. He had packed up his things and left Gibbs's metals in the bottom of the drawer.

He never once thought of what Gibbs and McGee thought of his leaving. He wondered that they should be happy now that he had left and Gibbs had McGee as his SFA.

He sat down and greeted his SFA and two junior agents. He had been professional ever since he took over his new team. He hadn't shared anything, or his clown, or frat masks. He had talked to them when it was necessary and had never gone to lunch or dinner with them when they asked.

A couple of weeks later their back to back cases finally were all finished. The acting Director for the San Diego teams told Tony's team to have time off.

He sighed as he put the pizza that he had picked up on the way home on the coffee table. He turned on the TV and opened the pizza box. He had just finished a second piece when he heard a knock on the door.

He wondered who it was and when he opened it he stood there in shock. What was Gibbs doing here? He stepped aside and led him into the living room since he knew that Gibbs wouldn't leave.

"What are you doing here, Gibbs?"

"You left."

"Yes, I left. Now what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to know why you left."

"Why would you want to know why I left? Why would you care?"

"Because you're one of mine."

"No, I'm not. I don't know if I ever was. Maybe once a long time ago, but now no I'm not."

"You're still one of mine. I want you back."

"Why would you want me back now that you have your Golden boy as your SFA now? I thought you would be overjoyed."

"Why would I be overjoyed?"

"Because you have McGee as your SFA which is what you wanted. I didn't want to want to see you tell me, or kick me off the team and see McGee's smug smile. I had to leave before that happened.

"Why do you think that I wanted McGee as my SFA?"

"I'm not blind, or deaf Gibbs. I see you giving McGee's pats on the back. I hear you saying good job to McGee in the front of the whole team. You said you're a good agent when you left on your Mexican Safari all you said to me is you'll do. This is why they didn't like me being the team leader when you were gone. They told me I wasn't you; they wouldn't listen to me when I told them what to do. I had to do some of their reports. Heck they even left me without back up when I was out looking for a killer. You've never told me that I was a good Agent, you never gave me a pat on the back and you never say Good job in front of the team. You even gave McGee point when I'm the SFA and should have had point not McGee who's a Junior Agent. I could see McGee's smug smile even over the phone. I knew right then and there that you wanted McGee as your SFA not me. I'm tired of being second best and decided to leave."

"I never meant to make you feel that way. I'm breaking a rule here. I'm sorry, Tony."

"You're just sorry because I left because I'm no longer there for you to take your anger on."

"No because I care for you, Tony. I'm really sorry for making you feel that way. I never meant to do that."

"Then why do you take your anger out on me? Why not McGee too? Why tell him he's a good agent, but not me? Why pat his back when you've never done that to me? Why do you tell him good job, but you've never done that to me except for once and that was away from the team? Why do you say that in front of the team about McGee, but to me you have to pull me away? Why can't you say that in front of the team?"

"I don't know, Tony. I think it's because McGee needs the encouragement and you don't? I don't know."

"He needs the encouragement? I don't think so. He has a big ego that makes him think he's better than I am. I am not worthless no matter what you say and I'm not useless."

"I never said you weren't. Who told you that?"

"My father. Said I was worthless, useless and would end up in the gutter which I did when I got Atlas out. Why did you wish that I was dead? I remember when we had that case with Kate. We got back from the sewers and you said I was irreplaceable. Then we walked into the bullpen and you told McGee sorry, he's not dead. This means that you wished that I was dead. So did my father and so did Ziva. She threw me on the ground when I had my sling on and pointed a gun on me and wished I was dead. What is it with people wishing I was dead?"

"I don't know, but that was supposed to be a joke?"

"Like rubbing into my face that you went to Ziva's dinner team dinner party when I wasn't invited. Was that supposed to be a joke too? My father never wanted me why would I think the team would want me too?"

"I didn't find either one of those things funny. It wasn't funny and wasn't a joke it was cruel and mean."

"I'm sorry I had no idea that she didn't invite you."

"Now you do, but don't worry I brushed it off just like I always do. I'm good at it and had to do that since I was a child. I was good at making up stuff when it wasn't true."

"I'm sorry, Tony. Never wanted you to feel that you weren't wanted. I do want you back."

"I'm sorry, but I can't go back. It will happen again and I'm afraid that I'll kill myself. I almost did it after you said what you did when I got out of the sewers and after the team dinner. If I have to see how you treat your golden boy like you do anymore I might just do it. I don't want to die. I had to leave before that happened."

"I'm so sorry for putting you through that, Tony. I never meant to put you through this. I never wanted McGee as my SFA in face since you've been gone he hasn't been."

Tony blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I had to pick a new SFA after you left the team."

"I'm surprised after all he was your Golden boy and I never was."

"He never was, Tony."

"I remember Abby saying that he was and you never said anything about it."

"Look can you go now. I'm tired we had back to back cases."

"I understand. I would have loved to have you as my SFA, but I know that, that will never be. I was grooming you to be the lead agent after I retired. Now I have to have the new SFA as the team leader. You are a good Agent Tony and I should have told you that and told you that in front of people."

Tony nodded and got up as soon as Gibbs did. Gibbs opened the door and left, but before he did he turned back to Tony. "I would like to come back if it's alright?"

"I would like that, Gibbs." Tony smiled.

Gibbs nodded and stepped out the door shutting it after he was through the door. Tony continued to stare at the door and then finally stepped up to the door to lock it. There was no choice of looking back there was only the choice to be is looking forward.

The End