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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Completed:
2014-03-20
Words:
30,714
Chapters:
28/28
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6
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3,433

The Feelings Series

Summary:

Feelings experienced by both John and Dorian.

Chapter 1: Do You Love

Chapter Text

Do You Love?
By Patt

 

Summary: For a change John is asking Dorian questions. Some of them are tough ones. Memories are tricky things.
Warnings: None
Genre: Slash
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1093

 photo doyoulove_zps34083ae9.jpg

John and Dorian were watching an old movie on television when John asked, "So what's wrong with you tonight, Dorian?"

"What do you mean? I'm having a good time snickering when I'm supposed to, why do you ask that?" Dorian wondered.

"That's just it; you're not asking any questions. Something is on your mind. Now, talk to me," John said.

"I miss someone that meant a lot to me at one time and I just wish I could see him again and talk to him again," Dorian explained as much as he cared to.

John found himself getting a little jealous over this statement. Who in the hell was this person that meant that much to Dorian? John was going to find out. He decided to take the direct approach.

"So, Dorian, who is it and why can't you talk to him?" John asked.

Dorian saw the jealousy in John's eyes and almost laughed. "There is no need to be jealous, John. He was my creator. I used to talk with him about everything and now I don't have anyone to talk to about things. I can talk to you, but you wouldn't be interested in what I want to know or say. I was told he died years ago, so there is no way to talk to him anymore. He was a good, soul. I miss him a lot."

"I'm sorry you miss him. It's too bad you weren't able to connect with him when you went online again. It's a shame. I'm here for anything you want to discuss," John offered.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you wouldn't understand my connection with him. It would be like me saying, you could talk to me as easily as your brother. You know you couldn't. It wouldn't be the same. You and I have a fantastic connection together now, but our past connection is just that. It's a past that didn't include us together. I hope you identify with what I'm trying to say."

"All right then let's talk about something else. I have some questions for you and maybe you can tell me what the answers are," John said.

"Ask away, John."

"When we are at work, do you ever think about anything but work? Do you ever think about us?"

"Yes, I do. In fact, I told Rudy about us. He can be trusted, I promise and he said he was glad that I had bonded with you. He thinks we are a good match," Dorian explained.

"But, you didn't answer my question. Do you think about us at work? And if so, what do you think?"

Dorian looked confused for a moment and then became clear again. "I think about what we like to do in the mornings and wish we were off work so we could do it again. Is this what you mean?"

"Not exactly. I think about how I feel about you. Not what I would like to do with you. Oh, who am I kidding, sometimes it's all I can do to keep from kissing you and getting all mushy on you," John confessed.

"Really? Now this surprises me somewhat. I didn't think you really gave our relationship much thought outside of the home," Dorian said.

"I'm not sure how to take that. I have feelings for you. You must know this, right?" John asked.

"Not really, no," Dorian remarked.

"Well, that makes two of us because you don't tell me how you feel about us either," John said, defensively.

"You've never asked and I didn't feel like it was that important to you," Dorian said.

"You're making me sound like such an asshole. I think about us. I like us together and I thought you knew it already," John said.

"John, you love this movie and you're missing it discussing something that doesn't really matter," Dorian pointed out.

"I don't matter to you?" John asked, quietly, even though he felt like screaming his head off.

"That came out wrong, John. I'm sorry. Of course you matter to me, but it's not like I can tell anyone at the Station. That wouldn't work out well at all."

"You said you talked to Rudy. What did you tell Rudy, anyhow?"

"I asked him if I was capable of loving someone," Dorian admitted.

"And what did Rudy tell you?"

"He told me that my network grows as I experience things and didn't see why I couldn't love," Dorian said.

"Do you love?" John asked, seriously.

"I'm fairly certain that I do. You are in my thoughts both day and night. I think about you at work when I'm supposed to be filing or typing, arresting someone or reading someone their rights and yet, there I am daydreaming about you. Do I love? Yes, I love you."

"That's really good to know, Dorian. Thank you for sharing that with me," John answered.

"You aren't telling me how you feel about me. You have yet to say you love at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Do you have a problem with loving someone?"

"I'm a little gun shy. The last time I loved someone, they crapped all over me," John reminded Dorian.

"I know that, John. But, sometimes you have to live in the present time and go on with your life."

"Have faith in me, Dorian. I'll get there eventually."

"Yes, I would guess so. And thankfully, I'm very patient."

"Thank you for understanding me," John said, smiling.

"Let's rewind this part here, so we can watch that funny section over again. I love watching Judge Dredd. I find it fascinating that he never takes his helmet off during the entire film."

John laughed and said, "Maybe he was really ugly, you know?" I like this movie too. Things haven't changed that much, have they?" John asked.

"Certain parts make me smile and laugh and I'm not sure I'm supposed to be doing either. Some movies confuse me and how I should react."

Let's just watch this movie and not worry about anything, Dorian."

"Sounds good to me," Dorian answered and went back into John's arms for the rest of the evening.

Feelings were going to become an issue as time went on, but for right now, they were handling them just fine.

The end