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2020-11-04
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The Fishtank from Hell

Summary:

Pairing: Shep/McKay (aka Shepay! XD)
Rating: PG? PG-13 maybe?
Notes: This is for Canth, who promised me my OTP. (McKay/Ford) in return for some Shep/McKay fluff. I did my best. Hope ya like it, love.

Work Text:

The Fishtank from Hell
By Wild (Kerri)

 

"What is that thing, Sir?" There was a hint of worry in Ford's voice, and it was easily understandable. Standing before them was a massive structure of what looked to be liquid filled beams. Inside of the glass beams, there was a blue-ish liquid, with small...creatures moving around inside.

"Are those things swimming?" McKay asked curiously, as he stepped forward.

"I don't know. But they light up like a Christmas tree, anytime Major Sheppard even comes in the hall." Ford looked back over his shoulder, and just saw the outline of the Major, slumped against one of the bare hallway walls, watching this all with that vague sense of amusement that seemed to just permeate him.

McKay bit his lip in thought, putting his hand near the beams. "Have you touched it?" Ford and Teyla both gave insistent shakes of their head.

"No, we were unsure if the technology was safe." Teyla's eyes kept trailing back to Major Sheppard. Well, there was only one way to test this...

"Major!" Sheppard raised one eyebrow, not even bothering to get up when McKay called.

"Yeah?" His voice carried richly down the corridor, seeming to hug, and bounce off of every wall, until it landed pleasingly in McKay's ears. Of course, admitting Sheppard had a nice voice had about the same repercussions as shooting himself in the penis, so he was in no big hurry to share this little tidbit with the world.

"I need you to activate this technology." Sheppard rose slowly, pausing to wipe his hands off on the front pleat of his uniform pants.

"You want me to touch this thing? This thing that has little glowing sea monkeys?" McKay nodded, like this was the most common thing in the world.

"Well, obviously the gene therapy hasn't instilled the gene strongly enough in me to activate this piece of technology in quite the fashion that you can, Major."

Sheppard smirked, that irresistible twinge of lips that made McKay want to do unnecessarily brutish things, like tackle another grown man in a room full of people, and hump him like a horny teenager. But knowing McKay's luck, he would go to all that trouble, and Sheppard would side step him. Like he always did. The balance of Good and Evil was just completely out of whack, unless Major John Sheppard always came out on top.

Top.

McKay gulped, and nearly missed the Major's retort. "Oh, so basically you're not strong enough to work this thing?" The man was insufferable, really. So McKay couldn't help but turn his own mouth into that oh so familiar sneer.

"Excuse me for having shirked brute strength, in order to be able to handle the more delicate procedures." Sheppard shrugged, and stepped up next to Ford, speaking under his breath.

"That was including fainting, right?" Ford's eyes danced with barely withheld amusement, and he snorted, unable to keep the sound inside.

McKay just glared, and gestured in the direction of the glass menagerie that was now lighting up in every color Rodney McKay had ever seen, and even a few he couldn't quite ever remember seeing. This was all without Sheppard so much as lifting a finger. Just standing by the thing obviously made it feel something. McKay could suddenly understand how the strange fishbowl must feel. I'm with ya, buddy. He does that to me, too.

"Well here you go, Doc. Brute strength." That smirk had faded just so, leaving Sheppard's normal look of amusement. He lifted one lone finger, and pressed just the pad of it to the glass, his eyes falling shut. McKay didn't realize it, but it seemed he, Teyla and Ford had all pulled in one breath, and were now holding it until they could see the Major's reaction to their mutated Christmas tree.

The seconds ticked by achingly, until suddenly Sheppard's eyes opened, and he pulled his finger away from the fishtank, taking up a grin. His lips began to move, but no sound came out.

"Uh...have I gone deaf?" McKay pulled his finger out of his ear, just as Ford asked his question.

"No, I hear nothing, as well." The look of confusion on Teyla's face was mirrored on McKay's own.

"Wait so..." The genius was finally starting to move his thoughts along, things connecting and falling into place. "So Sheppard's a mute?" A look of horror passed over the Major's features, and he did his best to cover it, and quickly.

Oh, the fates had smiled down upon McKay, and he would cherish this day, as long as Sheppard was mute, for at least an hour. One whole hour, without that gravel on silk voice. One hour without the smart remarks, or retorts. No gently condescending laughter. Oh, this was going to be the very best hour of McKay's life. Ever.

"Well." He started quickly, without giving the flabbergasted Lieutenant Ford, or Teyla a chance to speak. "Obviously this is either a side effect, or the actual purpose of this machine. If its the purpose, I think its brilliant. You could just bring your unruly children here, and then boom! Silence." He grinned, and saw Sheppard leveling a glare at him, his mouth moving. "What was that?" McKay cupped his hand over his ear. "Oh, I forgot. You can't talk." He felt like dancing, he was so happy. Sheppard couldn't talk! This was beautiful. "If you'll follow me, Major..."

McKay started down the hall, a spring in his step. Sheppard stayed put for an instant, looking at Teyla and Ford, who just shrugged helplessly. Sheppard mimed making a gun with his hand, and he aimed it at the back of McKay's head, clearly mouthing 'bang.'. Ford grinned sheepishly, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I guess you should go with him, Sir." Sheppard raised a brow, and gave a halfhearted shrug, trying to glare at the two. It wasn't like that was their fault he couldn't talk.

---------------------------------------------------

"So explain this to me one more time, Doctor." Weir sat at the small table, watching Sheppard, who was intently cleaning his fingernails with a hunting knife. It seemed to be keeping some of McKay's jokes at bay, but the astrophysicist was nearly beside himself in glee.

"Gladly, Dr. Weir. See, whatever this machine is, its purpose is to strike out the vocal cords for an indefinite amount of time. It depends on the length of the touch. Dr. Beckett tested this theory with me, only touching the device for a split second, and his voice is just now returning..." McKay checked his watch. "Approximately six and a half hours later. We estimate Major Sheppard to have his voice returning sometime in the next few days."

Sheppard resisted the urge to stick the knife in the table. Instead he stood, and when Weir's eyes landed upon him, he flipped her a sarcastic salute, and left the room. Doctor Weir looked back to McKay, one eyebrow raised in amusement. "I gather you haven't exactly been making this easy on the Major?" McKay gave her his best innocent look.

"I have no idea what you mean. I've just simply been following up on the scientific progress of the device`s effects." Which meant asking Sheppard if he could talk yet, about every five or so minutes, just to watch his eyebrows dip, and his eyes darken. The last time he asked, Sheppard's eyes had gotten so dark, McKay was convinced that they were turning black.

"Well...try and refrain from...following up quite so often. This must be very trying for John, and you should at least be a little understanding." Weir's voice had taken on that motherly tone, and of course, McKay waved her off, still grinning.

"Of course, of course. I know the Major is our number one priority here..." His grin faded, as he muttered the last bit of that. Damn Sheppard. Everyone on the base just fell at his feet. Well not this time! McKay was going to come out on top this time, balance of good and evil be damned!

"Major! Major!" McKay jogged down the hallway, trying to catch up with the bobbing head of messy hair. Once he pulled even with Sheppard, he slowed to a walk. "So, how has your day been?" Sheppard just looked at him, a sideways glance before he went back to ignoring the good doctor. "That good, huh? Yeah, well I had a great day. You see, it started out with what we thought was a fish tank of some sort, but turned out to be a silencing device..." Sheppard snorted in frustration, pinning McKay with a glare.

"What? Oh, you've already heard this story, huh? I'm sorry, I forgot. Now, where was I?" He walked into the lab, slipping the outer jacket of his uniform off, and tossing it over the back of one of the lab chairs. "Oh yeah. So we find this...oh, what did Lieutenant Ford call it? 'The fish tank from Hell', that was it." Sheppard move suddenly, that military trained quickness allowing him to easily pin McKay against the wall, and with more force than was necessary.

"Ouch! Geez, do you have to get all alpha male on me?" Sheppard just watched him, his eyes dangerously close to that black color once more. He leaned in, until their noses were only mere inches apart, and mouthed something.

"What?" McKay asked irritably, trying to move away from the Major. Not only were his shoulders hurting from their sudden introduction to the wall, but he wasn't exactly cut out to be stuck between a hard place and John Sheppard. It was just cruel and wrong. Sheppard snorted again, his frustration almost palpable. He took a finger and prodded McKay in the chest roughly, spelling out letters. S-H-

"What is this, wheel of fortune?" McKay's agitation was rising, along with a certain rebellious body part. Sheppard reared back, his large hand landing against McKay's cheek with a sharp sting, and a resounding smack. It wasn't much of a slap, but McKay raised his hand to his cheek, the look on his face absolutely shocked. He opened his mouth to speak, and Sheppard dove forward, bringing their mouths together in a rough, awkward kiss.

He took his fingers back to McKay's chest, and began spelling again.

S-H-U-T-U-P.

 

END