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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
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384
Chapters:
1/1
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8
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589

Boxes

Summary:

Aeryn just started talking to me late one night, and told me to write something about "Durka Returns" from her point of view. So I did.

Work Text:

"Boxes"
by Rebecca Helton
* * * * *

He nearly killed me.

Heroes aren't supposed to do that. And his is--was--a hero. Right?

I don't know anymore. We nearly worshipped him in training, but he...he deserted the Zebinion. He left his crew to die, while he got away. He allowed himself to be brainwashed. What kind of Peackeeper is he?

Then again, what kind of Peacekeeper am I? An ex-Peacekeeper, that's what. because I want to live, my entire regiment is doing grunt work, an insult to their dignity. I brought them down to that level, and only I can bring them back up.

But I'm not. I'm running, running along with three ex-prisoners, one very...unusual...human, and now, apparently, a Nebari thief. We're all running from our duties, be they incarceration, or death, or mental cleansing. Crichton is the only one among us--besides Pilot and Moya, of course--who hasn't committed a crime according to a higher law. Even if the convictions are unjust, we're all criminals.

And I hate it.

Crichton says that I can be more. I wonder how he's so sure. Underneath the mental cleansing, Durka was still a coward, first deserting one ship, then trying to steal another. Of course, he didn't want to change. But then, neither do I.

Or do I?

I'd give a lot to go back to my unit, my regiment, the Peackeeper way of life. But I'm not so sure I'd give anything. Not anymore. In the nine months were been together, I become...friends is too strong a word, but...accustomed to the others.

Especially John.

I'll never admit it to the others, but, if faced with the same choice again, whether to speak up for him or to let Crais have him, I'd make the same decision. Only for Crichton, though. Maybe that's what he means by being more; giving the answers that my superiors didn't want to hear. He calls that type of action "thinking outside the box."

I call it thinking inside my box. Aeryn's box. The boundaries of who I am now, boundaries which are changing with every day we spend in the Uncharted Territories.

And maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe I don't have to be a Peacekeeper to be happy. Maybe I can be more.

 

THE END