Chapter Text
Sam POV
My dad is dying! I hadn't expected to react like this - I mean, he was dying 6 years ago, but then he survived, after blending with Selmak. So much has happened since then, and he got to have 6 years more - shouldn't I just be happy for that?
I just feel it is unfair. Everyone I love and care for die, mostly because of the Goa'uld. I also feel...let down, as ridiculous as it sounds. Dad should have out-lived me, as host to Selmak, dammit! Why is she dying? Selmak is only 2000 years old, or maybe a little more. A lot, yes...but for a symbiote? Not so much. She should still be young, as much as the Tok'ra talk about their 'oldest and wisest'. She should have lived for thousands of years more...and my dad should have had at least 100-140 years with her, maybe more, even if he didn't become a host until he was 57!
Of course, no one can tell me what is wrong with Selmak. The Tok'ra doesn't talk with us much...the alliance is in danger, and that hurts me more than I want to admit. Martouf and Lantash worked so hard for that alliance, died for it, and now it is falling apart. It feels as if they died for nothing.
Now my dad is going to die, probably partially because they fled to help us, instead of staying and maybe having the healers figure out what is wrong. I would think the Tok'ra would want to know what is wrong with Selmak - what if it is contagious? Something the Goa'uld did to her? But they only seem to care about arguing with each other, and hiding and running. How did it come to this? That is so far from the Tok'ra I remember from Jolinar!
I wish Janet was still alive. Not only do I miss her, badly, but I think she would have had a better chance at figuring out what is wrong with Selmak. I mean, Doctor Brightman is competent, but she isn't as experienced as Janet.
The doctors and nurses threw me out from the room my dad is in, telling me they need to do some tests, and that he needs to rest. I don't want to talk to anyone, so I just went to the mess hall and picked up a cup of coffee.
It tastes more bitterly than usually, but I am sure it is my imagination. I don't know what to do, or even what I want. I just feel depressed, and I wish someone would hold me. The fact that I am not seeking out Pete right now tells me that my second thoughts about marrying him is right. He is a sweet guy, and he loves me very much...and for a while, I could almost make myself believe I love him too.
I'm fairly sure I don't, though, and that we wouldn't be happy together. I am going to call it off, as soon as...after my dad has died. Until then, I can't concentrate on anything else. However, before I do anything else, I take off the ring, and slip it into my pocket.
I went to talk to Colonel O'Neill about Pete - before I knew my dad was dying. I have had a - sort of - crush on the Colonel for a long time, and I think I needed to know that there wasn't anything more there before marrying Pete. I suspect I was mostly looking for an excuse to not marry Pete. I mean, I like the Colonel a lot, and he's not bad looking, but I'm not so sure how well we'd get along. I mean, now and then, it's as if there's something there, but most of the time he doesn't seem interested. Turns out he is seeing someone named Kerry. It was a shock, and I was sad and angry at first, but then they called about dad, and I pushed all else to the background. Now, thinking about it all, I think seeing the Colonel with Kerry was a good thing. He's moved on, and I needed to realize that. He wasn't pining for me, hoping I would give up on Pete or anything, and that makes me realize my fixation on him is unhealthy. I'm not a schoolgirl, and I don't need a crush on the Colonel to protect me from finding someone I can be happy with.
After that, I spend an almost sleepless night, and now I sit in the mess hall. I haven't eaten since I learned of my father dying. My stomach turns at the thought of food, even though I know I should eat something, but I am just too emotionally affected.
Just as I pour down the last of the bitter coffee - I really do think they left it in the pot for too long - I hear the unscheduled, off-world activation. The Tok'ra, perhaps? We contacted them about Selmak earlier, and maybe they are sending a healer? Maybe they have found out what is wrong with Selmak, and can do something?
I know, deep inside, it is a ridiculous hope, but I can't stop myself from rushing for the gateroom anyway.
When I step out of the elevator on the 28th floor, I hear the wormhole shut down. The alarm has turned off, so whomever arrived is a friend. I hurry through the corridor to the gateroom, and almost run into... Martouf!?
"WHAT!" I exclaim, staring at him with open mouth. "Martouf? H...How?"
He gives me that charming, somewhat shy smile that makes my knees buckle and gives me a warm feeling in my stomach. I have missed him so much!
"Hello, Samantha. I...am afraid we have something to explain...and apologize for." He sighs. "However, I need to talk to your healers about Selmak first."
I notice he is carrying a box. "You can help her and my dad?" I ask, hopeful.
"Maybe. It is by no means a certainty, Samantha, but Lantash has an idea, which may work."
"Come, then!"
We hurry to the elevator, and I hit the button to the 21st floor, and we ride the seven floors in silence. I am in shock! Martouf died almost 5 years ago...when I shot him. Lantash died 3 1/2 years ago, giving his life to save the rest of us, when he and Elliot took symbiote poison to the Jaffa. Now? He just waltzes back into my life, perhaps bringing a cure for what is killing Selmak and my dad? My head feels like it is spinning. Has this all been some sort of elaborate joke? He said they had something to explain and apologize for?
"How did it go?" I ask, when Martouf/Lantash exits the infirmary, after a long time. "Is my dad okay?"
"It is too early to tell, Samantha." Lantash says. "I talked to a couple of their healers, and explained my theory, as well as how I believe Selmak can be helped. I gave them the Tok'ra instruments which should help them carry out the procedure, but all we can do is wait."
"Do you need to do anything more?"
"No." He shakes his head. "Your doctor Brightman would contact me when there is a change."
I nod. "Okay, then let's go somewhere and talk. Are you hungry?"
"I am. I had only just finished my debriefing to the Council, when I learned of Selmak's condition. I did not have time to eat. I have some knowledge about Selmak which no one else has - including our healers. I learned it from Jolinar, and with this knowledge I could guess at the cause of Selmak's illness - and even a possible cure. I left to go here as soon as I could fetch the necessary instruments from the healers."
"Then... what's wrong with Selmak? And how come you and Martouf are alive?"
"It is - as you say - a long story. Come, I shall explain as we eat."