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Spencer sat relaxed at his desk. Emily, JJ, and Penelope sat huddled around JJ’s desk near him. He had his eyes on the magazine article pitting classic Dr. Who against classic Star Trek and his ears tuned into their conversation.
“What kind of cake will you have at Henry’s birthday party?” Emily asked.
Penelope giggled. “Bob the Builder or Dora the Explorer?”
JJ grinned. “Penguins of Madagascar.”
Penelope clapped excitedly. “Oh, they are the best part of those movies.”
JJ grinned even wider. “He loves Rico.”
“Kaboom! Kaboom! Kaboom!” Penelope threw her arms out wide. “Who doesn’t?”
Emily laughed. “No. The lemurs are the best.” She took on an accent similar to King Julien’s. “I like to move it, move it.”
JJ pulled Spencer’s magazine away. Her eyes were alight with amusement. “What do you think, Spence?”
Spencer smiled in bemusement. “I like all the characters.”
Penelope clicked her tongue between her teeth. “That’s a cop out.”
“Yeah,” Emily agreed. She sat forward and eyed him as she would a serial killer. “Penguins or lemurs?”
“Ummm,” Spencer stuttered. He bit his bottom lip, the indecision written all over his face. He shifted in his chair.
Suddenly, Derek stormed out of Dave’s office. “Fine!” he shouted, slammed the door, and stalked away. A second later, they heard his own door slam.
The four down in the bullpen looked at each other in confusion. Emily was the first to find her voice. “I wonder what that was all about.”
JJ sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “That’s all we need, those two fighting again.”
Penelope looked around to make sure there was no one else within ear shot. She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I may have an idea.”
“What?” the two other women chorused while Spencer just sat up straight in his chair.
Penelope motioned for everyone to lean in closer. “You can’t breathe a word of this or they’ll kill me.” She looked at Spencer. “Join our circle, Boy Genius.”
“I really don’t need to,” Spencer tried. “We shouldn’t even be discussing this here.”
“Hotch is in a budget meeting with Strauss and the Director,” JJ said reasonably. “We’re safe for another hour.”
Spencer quailed in the face of Penelope’s glare. “Okay.” He sadly put his magazine in his drawer and did as he was told.
“We won’t say a word,” JJ promised.
“Yeah, spill it,” Emily prodded.
Penelope looked around again. “They haven’t had sex in thirty-three days.”
“No way,” Emily snorted. “Those two? I’m jealous of how often those two have sex.”
Penelope crossed her heart. “I heard it from my Chocolate god himself,” she said solemnly.
“Come to think of it, some odd behavior did start thirty-three days ago. They both have had shorter tempers,” Spencer said helpfully.
JJ’s brow furrowed. “What happened thirty-three days ago?” She immediately looked to Spencer. “Well?”
Spencer didn’t even have to think about it. “We wrapped up the last case in Atlantic City.”
JJ chewed her bottom lip in thought. “Where Banks thought that killing people brought him luck.”
“And we sent you in to play Texas Hold ‘em with Rossi’s money,” Emily added. Her eyes got wide. She held her finger up. “And…”
Penelope bounced in her seat. “And what?”
Emily looked to JJ but cocked her thumb at Spencer. “You remember what he said to Rossi?”
Spencer hugged his arms across his chest. “What? What did I do?”
JJ’s expression wavered between a smile and a wince. “Oh.”
Penelope glared at all three of them. “What?” she hissed.
JJ nudged Spencer. “Tell her what you said when he said no to putting up the money.”
Spencer hesitated and Penelope jabbed her finger into his chest. “Come on, Mr. Eidetic Memory.”
Spencer gulped. “I told him to maybe just think of it as, like, a new experience. I mean, at your age, how often does that happen?”
The women let out a collective groan. Penelope smacked Spencer on the back of the head. “For a genius, you can sure be stupid.”
“What? I was joking,” Spencer protested. “Rossi’s ego can handle it.”
JJ shrugged. “He can be an arrogant bastard but I also know he sometimes wonders how he can keep up with Derek. I think you made him feel like an old man.”
“But he went in to confront Banks without his vest or gun. Those aren’t the actions of someone who views himself as an old man.”
Penelope was still glaring at Spencer. “You have to tell Derek.”
Spencer’s eyes got wide. “No.”
Emily frowned. “She’s right.”
Spencer’s voice squeaked. “I thought we were just sworn to secrecy.”
Penelope smacked Spencer in the back of the head again.
Spencer huddled in his chair and brought his arms up over his head. “I don’t see how this will help.”
Penelope stood and pointed in the direction of Derek’s office. “Now.”
Spencer looked to Emily and JJ for help but neither said a word. He took a deep breath and stood. He thought about trying to dart past Penelope but she stepped closer to him and pointed again.
Spencer bowed his head and turned away. He slowly climbed the stairs up to the offices. He glanced back over his shoulder but the women were still watching.
Spencer hesitatingly approached Derek’s door. He took a deep breath. He raised a hand to knock.
“What?” Derek called out irritably.
Spencer slipped inside and shut the door. He leaned against it. He jammed his hands into his pockets and stared at the floor.
“What is it, Reid?” Derek asked shortly from his seat behind his desk.
Spencer chanced looking up. His stomach clenched at what he saw: Derek was tense in his chair and he looked ready to bolt up to start pacing. Derek also looked to be grinding his teeth.
“Well?” Derek asked again.
Spencer pushed away from the door. He stood in front of the desk. He felt like he was back in school in the principal’s office.
“Reid, I don’t have time for games.”
Spencer bounced on the balls of his feet. “What’s going on with you and Rossi?”
“Not much,” Derek sneered. “That’s the problem. He won’t let me touch him. He won’t touch me.”
Spencer looked at the carpet and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I may have an idea why.”
Derek’s eyes narrowed. His voice was low and dangerous. “Well, don’t stop now.”
Spencer’s throat was dry. “I kinda called him an old man and I think he’s taking it hard.” He hugged his arms across his chest. “I was only teasing, but you know I can’t tell a joke. Maybe he didn’t realize.”
Derek surged out of his chair. He rounded the desk to Spencer. He grabbed Spencer’s ear and tugged him along. “Come with me.”
Spencer hissed in slight pain but didn’t even try to fight with Derek. He let Derek drag him to Dave’s office. Then Derek let him go. He tried hiding in the corner, rubbing the sore spot.
Derek stood in front of Dave’s desk. He waved in Spencer’s general direction. He bared his teeth. “He has the social IQ of a dodo bird and he’s the reason we haven’t had sex in a month!” Spencer gasped in outrage over the insult but Derek just ignored him. He leaned on the desk. “What the hell, Dave?!”
Dave jumped to his feet. He mirrored Derek’s position. “Maybe he made me realize why I can’t keep you.”
“Why not ask me what I want! I hate ‘I did it for your own good’ bullshit!”
Spencer couldn’t stand the way they were glaring at each other. “I didn’t mean it,” he blurted out. “At least not in a bad way. You have a lot of experience and…” his voice trailed off and his face flushed. “I never thought…I never meant…”
Suddenly, Derek grabbed Dave’s shirt and hauled him forward for a enthusiastic kiss. Dave returned it in kind. It was open, hungry, and needy.
Derek buried a hand in Dave’s hair. He barely pulled away from Dave’s mouth. “You can get the fuck out now, Reid.”
Spencer was sure to lock the door before he ran out. “Didn’t need to see that. Didn’t need to see that,” he chanted under his breath.
“Well?”
“What happened?”
“Are they back to swapping spit?”
Spencer almost bolted in the opposite direction of Penelope, JJ, and Emily. He ran a shaky hand though his hair. “Let’s just say I don’t think they’ll be joining us for lunch.”
Penelope linked her arm through his and started leading him away. “Good job. Come on. We’ll go to your favorite coffee shop for lunch.”
Spencer bit his bottom lip. “I still don’t understand any of this.”
JJ patted his shoulder. “That’s okay.”
Emily snickered. “Just remember this the next time you think of calling Rossi old.”