Work Text:
Disclaimer: Captain Jack Harkness, Esther Drummond, Alice and Steven Carter, and the rest of Torchwood Cardiff don't belong to me. They're the property of Russell T. Davies, the BBC, and Starz Studios. I don't own anything or anyone except Aaron (not that I want him) and maybe the crazy dream that inspired this story in the first place. And I'm not even sure about that.
A Slightly More Perfect World
Torchwood Three Hub
Cardiff, Wales
2008
"How is he?"
Alice Carter looked up at the soft inquiry, smiling sadly as her father's second in command descended the steps into the small room just off the med-bay. She answered softly, "He's still asleep and dreaming. Are Gray and Owen still ... interrogating ... the imposter?" Suzie Costello nodded and Alice added bitterly, "Good! After what he tried to do to Dad, he deserves whatever he gets. If Gray hadn't followed Hart and the imposter, who knows how long Dad would have been buried alive? I know he keeps apologizing for missing the exact date, but I still think that five years is preferable to a thousand years or longer."
"No argument here, Melissa, but it seems Gray has the same tendency to blame himself for things he can't control as Jack," Suzie replied. Alice smiled at the other woman, who was the only person, aside from her father, who ever called her by her birth name. Suzie went on after a moment, "Listen, Steven should be getting here in the next few minutes. Do you want me to have Ianto keep an eye out for him, since he's already in the Information Centre?" Alice looked at her father's slack features, at the tiny frown that marred his face, and knew she couldn't leave him, not even to welcome Steven back to the Hub. After a moment, she nodded.
"Could you? I don't want to leave Dad. When Gray brought him back, he wasn't making much sense. I don't know if I told you this, but that take-down of the imposter was incredible," Alice said with an admiring grin. Suzie actually blushed, but there was a steely glint in her eyes that Alice recognized. It was the same glint that her father got when people thought he was playing, but was in fact deadly serious. Only fools dismissed that glint, and she wasn't a fool. Not anymore. She continued, "I know when Dad wakes up, he'll want to thank you. You probably saved Tosh's life."
"I'm just glad I was there to do it. I owe him, and her, and you ... everything," Suzie answered as she gently stroked a lock of dark hair away from Jack's face. Alice would have protested, but she knew from painful experience that Suzie was nearly as stubborn as Jack himself. Two and a half years earlier, Alice steamed down to Cardiff to confront her father about ‘interfering' in her life. Jack wasn't there, but his second in command was ... and Alice got an earful from Suzie Costello about being lucky enough to have someone who cared that much. It wasn't until much later that Alice discovered why Suzie thought she should be grateful.
As it turned out, it wasn't Jack at all who interfered in her life, but Dr. Owen Harper, the doctor for Torchwood Three. And he had no idea that she was Jack's daughter ... he only knew that Joe was cheating on his wife, and with the memory of his lost fiancée still so near, didn't appreciate that terribly. Of course, that didn't stop him from using his boss' name ... thus setting events into motion that Owen could have never foreseen, that no one could have foreseen. Because of Owen's actions that night, Alice went down to Cardiff to confront her father ... discovered who her father really was ... and found a new friend.
Suzie later told her that around the time Alice came to Cardiff for that confrontation, something came through the Rift, something that could have destroyed Suzie. She experimented on it and used it and researched it, and she was already starting to lose her soul to it when she met Alice. It could have destroyed the entire Torchwood team. It could have, but it didn't. And based on the dreams Jack had since he was brought back to the Hub, after his younger brother Gray found him, it seemed likely that Jack's mind led him down those paths while he was buried alive.
Jack woke with a gasp, crying out in horror, and Alice turned her attention back to her father. His eyes were wide with terror and grief, and as his eyes fell on her, his words shocked her. He choked out, "Alice? But you hate me ... why are you here?" Hate him? Even when she believed what her mother told her, she never truly hated him. Resented him, yes, for honoring her wishes and the wishes of her mother, but she never hated him. How could she? Alice shuddered, remembering one time when she did think that she hated her father and the consequences of her actions then.
"I could never hate you, Daddy. I love you ... even when I resented you for leaving, I loved you so much," Alice whispered, caressing his face. In truth, that was why she resented him so much, because she did love him so deeply. Jack closed his eyes, leaning into her touch, and Alice called over her shoulder, "Suzie, can you do us a favor and bring him another blanket ... he's still cold." Jack's eyes flew open, staring at Suzie as she retreated from the room. Alice shuddered, recognizing that look. He wore it every time he woke up and something wasn't as he remembered it. Not for the first time, Alice hoped that her uncle and Owen left something of the imposter for the ladies. They probably wouldn't, though ... Owen wanted him in one piece when he took the man to Flat Holm. Pity.
"Suzie ... but she's dead. Steven is dead, too, I killed him," Jack answered hoarsely. Alice learned the first time this happened to let him talk it out. She held his hand, while Tosh cradled him against her body, whispering over and over that she was fine, she wasn't hurt, and that she loved him so very much. The two women were horrified to learn that he dreamed that Tosh and Owen both died while he was buried underground (for two thousand years), and not surprisingly, he wouldn't let Tosh out of his sight until he was able to go back to sleep. This time, Alice learned of an alien invasion targeting the children of the planet. At every step, Jack was blocked by the very people whom he was trying to protect ...while she and Steven were abducted as a means to control Jack. In the end, there was only one way to destroy the invaders and prevent them from ever returning ... and it involved the use of a child. The only child available was Steven. Alice listened in silence, and held her father as he wept.
Once his horrifying narrative was finished, she kissed the top of his head, murmuring, "It hasn't happened yet, Dad, and we won't allow it to happen. I don't hate you. Steven doesn't hate you. Shhh. It's all right. Steven is fine, and so is Suzie. What happened there?" But what he did tell her sounded terrifyingly familiar ... especially with regards to Steven's death and how she reacted to it. It took her forever to forgive herself, though Jack forgave her immediately. Once he was calm, her father told her about the Resurrection Gauntlet (aka the Risen Mitten) and its counterpart (the so-called Life Knife). With a shock, Alice realized that this was the very item that Suzie feared would destroy her. But in reality, Suzie never fell that far ... and she wasn't lost to Torchwood or to her father. Alice comforted him, telling him how things actually played out ... reminding him, really. A sound at the top of the stairs told her that Suzie was back, and as the other woman joined them, her face was ashen with horror.
Later, Suzie would need to talk about that time, because she never spoke about what shocked her so badly. But for right now, Jack needed them more than they needed answers. As she helped Alice wrap the blanket around Jack's trembling body, Suzie kept caressing his back and shoulders and hair, murmuring over and over, "That didn't really happen, Jack. I never got to that point, and now I never will." But what went unspoken was the fact that she could have, and that terrified Suzie as well. Together, the two women soothed him, grateful for the brawl Owen started that night in 2005.
TWTWTWTWTWTW
By now, Dr. Owen Harper was used to his former lover suddenly appearing as he and Gray interrogated the man who claimed to be Gray. The first time she'd done it, she looked pale ... not a good look with her complexion. She had walked over to the imposter (whom Gray said was named ‘Aaron') and slapped him across the face. Gray raised an eyebrow, and Suzie snapped, "Five years, Jack was underground because of you ... five years of hallucinations and false memories. Five years of seeing things that never happened. What kind of poison did you use when you stabbed him, hmm? Or was it simply oxygen deprivation?"
Aaron only smirked at her, laughing aloud when Suzie slapped him again, over and over again. Of course, that only served to enrage Suzie further, and her slaps turned to punches, and Aaron continued to laugh hysterically. In the end, Gray quietly removed his former friend from the room, allowing Suzie to collapse into Owen's arms, sobbing. Jack believed that Tosh and Owen were dead ... that Owen died in the nuclear plant for the second time. Second time? Yes ... yes, Jack believed that he died and came back because Jack used the Resurrection Gauntlet on him. The Resurrection Gauntlet that was locked away and destroyed after Tea-boy's partially-converted girlfriend got loose went on a rampage? Maybe not the exact same one, but yes. Owen swore long and loud, demanding to know what other hallucinations and false memories they were looking at.
Suzie didn't know right at that moment, but she would tell him when she learned. So when the second in command appeared once more in the interrogation room, looking thunderous, Owen knew the news wasn't good. And he was right. The doctor swore under his breath, quietly vowing that he would literally shove his foot up Aaron's arse for this. If Jack had to dream while he was buried alive, why couldn't he have good dreams, instead of variations on memories?
There was one name that kept cropping up during Jack's narratives ... a name that neither Owen nor Suzie recognized. Gwen Cooper. Right now, Tosh was running down the name, to see what she could find out. Evidently, in Jack's false memories, she joined the team after Suzie flamed out. Not only did she join the team, but she slept with Owen for a while. Tosh theorized that she was either a copper or a journalist, since she encountered Torchwood while Suzie's non-existent reign of terror. So far, she hadn't found anything, but Owen knew she would keep looking. These false memories were hurting Jack, and Tosh wouldn't stand for that.
Ianto, meanwhile, was putting the pieces together with every report from Suzie. There were some similarities, such as the Resurrection Gauntlet and the issue with Ianto's half-cybernetic girlfriend Lisa. The young man blanched when that was mentioned. The entire team was getting a painful reminder of past betrayals since Gray brought Jack home ... including their horrifying encounter with Abaddon and Bilis Manger. Themes and variations, Ianto murmured, Jack's nightmares were themes and variations on the truth. Yeah. That was as good of an explanation as any.
With the exception of Ianto (who was still reeling from the final loss of Lisa) and Suzie, the rest of the team did turn against Jack when he had to sacrifice little Jasmine to save the world from the faeries. And just as she did a few months later, it was Alice leading the pack, accusing her father of being a monster who didn't even try to save a little girl who didn't want to be saved. As she had when they first met, though, it was Suzie who slapped some sense into Alice (and then Owen and Tosh). She bitterly reminded her friend that the little girl was lost a long time ago, long before Jack arrived on the scene. Alice stayed away from the Hub for a week, mortified by having that truth shoved down her throat. Tosh and Owen didn't fare much better.
And when Bilis Manger started manipulating the team to release Abaddon, it was again Alice who led the charge against her father, especially after she was tricked into believing that Steven was dead. But it was Owen who pulled the trigger, Owen who murdered his boss in a failed attempt to bring back the woman he'd fallen in love with. Owen who still regretted that act of betrayal even now. Once again, the only ones whom Bilis Manger failed to manipulate were Jack and Suzie ... Jack, because Bilis Manger couldn't offer what he most needed, and Suzie, because she was able to resist the corruption of the Glove.
And that led to the most stark difference of all. When Jack's Doctor returned, it was Alice who urged her father to find his answers. He'd waited for such a long time, and like the others, Alice needed time to process what she'd done ... what they'd done. Three months after Jack's departure, Steven insisted that they needed to go to the Valiant. Uncle Jack would need them and they had to be there, the little boy begged. When Alice heard about what would happen on the Valiant, first contact with an alien race, she knew her son was right. And so, the Hub was locked down and the entire Torchwood team (including Alice and Steven) went to the Valiant.
They all remembered the Year that Never Was. They remembered what the Master did to Jack, and the Doctor's plan. They protected the Jones family where they could, and when Martha Jones returned to the Valiant, they were ready for action. The Master was defeated and killed, Martha Jones returned to her family, and Torchwood took their captain home to heal him. The Doctor was alone, and Torchwood had no issues with that. Jack loved him, and they loved Jack ... but they didn't love the Doctor, especially after they learned that he ran from Jack.
Ianto had to search the Archives when Jack mentioned the Pharm, because there was no such organization or institute in Cardiff in 2008. There was something similar, but that was shut down in 1965 by a very, very angry Captain Jack Harkness. Owen shuddered when he learned what happened in Jack's nightmares. First, he himself was killed and then Jack brought him back, using the Resurrection Gauntlet. Jack would live forever, while Owen would die forever. And that brought him to the most recent incident. Incident ... what a thing to call Aaron's attempt to wipe out Torchwood, Cardiff, and half the planet for revenge. The worst part of it wasn't even that it was over something that could have happened to anyone. No, Aaron raged at Jack because he failed to save Aaron.
Gray told him as they prepared to interrogate Aaron that when he was a child, Aaron was a family neighbor, and he was absolutely obsessed with the brothers. It was Gray's opinion that Aaron decided that he was Gray, and expected his brother to rescue him. Owen countered that Jack was no more than twelve or thirteen, and if anyone, shouldn't Aaron have expected the boys' father to rescue him? Gray observed dryly that would be the case in a rational person, but Aaron wasn't rational, even as a boy. Owen couldn't argue with that. Of course, if Gray ever hurt Tosh, he would answer to both Owen and Jack. It hurt a bit that Tosh was moving on, but Owen threw away his chance with the pretty tech. Gray would be the kind of man she needed.
And Owen? Well, Owen was grateful to be alive ... alive in every sense of the word. He was alive, and Katie wasn't, and he was finally starting to accept that. And Owen knew he would never again be the man whom Katie fell in love with. You couldn't go back, you could only go forward. But maybe it was time to figure out who Owen Harper was now. He thought about the chances missed that the other Owen had, about the regrets he must have experienced, and chose in that moment that he wouldn't go down that path.
Suzie was winding down with the latest bit Jack told her about, and Owen shook his head. His boss had a helluva life. And not in a good way, either. Owen didn't know about this 456 or if maybe Jack's exhausted, confused mind substituted Steven's ‘death' before Abaddon was raised for what was yet to come. Regardless, he wrote it down to give to Ianto. Yet another thing for Tea-boy to research when he had a few spare minutes. And if Ianto didn't have spare time, they had a full complement, with only Jack out of commission ... five out of six wasn't bad. Maybe Tosh wouldn't mind looking into that as well.
Ianto said into the comm, "Owen, it's me ... our lamb has returned home. They're on their way down." Oh, good ... Steven was always good at keeping Jack grounded in the present. He distracted Jack from the nightmares. And his companion ... well, that was a story in and of itself. Typical bloody Harkness. But there was only fondness as he thought that, because Owen knew that he would have killed himself long ago, were it not for Jack.
At one time or another, he had saved them all ... saved Owen from himself after Katie's death and kept him from spinning too far out of control; saved Tosh from UNIT; saved Ianto from the abyss that opened at his feet when Lisa was lost to him forever; saved Suzie from losing herself. In the end, while it was Gray who saved him from his insane doppelganger, it was up to the entire Torchwood team to take care of their captain.
TWTWTWTWTWTW
"How is he?"
The words were spoken softly as the three crowded onto the lift that would take them down into the heart of the Hub. Ianto Jones sighed softly and his female companion asked, dropping her voice lower, "Will he need us both tonight?" Will he need us both tonight? That was a good question, and Ianto appreciated her discretion. Steven was getting to the age when he was asking questions that Alice really wasn't ready to answer. And that included, ‘what is a threesome and why would Uncle Jack be in one?'
"We're still figuring that out. How is Steven doing?" Ianto asked and his companion cast a worried look at the little boy, who was still tucked against her side. The young Welshman continued, "I know this isn't what you signed on for, Esther, but there aren't enough words to tell you how necessary it was." Esther Drummond laughed outright, her brown eyes reflecting a sad mirth. When Jack recruited the young blonde American earlier in the year, Ianto thought she would never last. But the girl was a lot stronger than she appeared.
"Ianto, I'm still not sure what I signed on for! But I do know this. If it helps everyone else, including Alice, I'm more than happy to do it. You know I miss my nieces a little less when I spend time with Steven," she replied. Ianto smiled in spite of himself, because she was right. With Torchwood, there was no such thing as ‘that's not what I signed on for,' because things were just too unpredictable. The young woman added with a gentle smile for the little boy at her side, "And Steven's fine. Worried about Jack, but fine. Just like the rest of us."
As she spoke, she stroked her hand over Steven's hair, smiling as he tipped his head back to look at her. Ianto thought of his own niece and nephew, especially when Esther continued, "You know, I was like most college graduates. I was going to save the world, even if it was from behind a curtain. Suppose I was more right than I knew. But this young gentleman, Mica and David, and my girls? They're worth it, Ianto. They're worth it and so are we." She squeaked a little when Steven threw his arms around her waist, and Ianto put his hand under her elbow to steady her. Steven giggled and Esther sighed, "I can see you'll be just as dangerous as Jack."
"Maybe even more so," Ianto deadpanned, drawing another giggle from Steven. Ianto continued, "He just woke up, after another nightmare." The smile left Esther's face, and her normally warm eyes were icy-cold. Ianto glanced over at Steven, giving a mock-shudder. He wasn't afraid for himself ... but Esther did say that if Jack had more nightmares because of the time he spent buried alive, Aaron's balls would become intimately acquainted with Esther's foot. Ianto asked if he could watch, and shivered when Esther actually cackled and told him that she might even require him to be there.
"Uncle Jack is okay as long as Mum is with him," Steven observed as they stepped off the lift and into the Torchwood base. Tosh was working at her station, and Steven barreled over to the tech, jumping into her lap. It was a measure of just how focused Tosh was on her task that she merely wrapped her arm around Steven, stabilizing him even as she continued to work on her research. Steven squirmed a little before finally making himself comfortable. He continued to chatter at Tosh, who answered him absent-mindedly. Ianto took Esther's hand and led her into the room they were using while Jack recovered.
They found Suzie and Alice with their stricken leader. Jack was awake, and Esther held back, fearing that he wouldn't remember her. Ianto already had his post-rescue reunion with his captain, and knew that in Jack's false memories, he died. It was a pretty good bet that given his poor captain's hallucinations while he was buried alive, Esther met the same fate. But Jack smiled weakly, saying, "It's good to see that you're all right, Esther. Give me a few days while I remember how I actually met you ... just be patient with me, all right?"
Esther sat down on the bed beside him, putting a gentle hand on his knee, and replied, "Jack, you've been patient with me every step of the way. You don't need to ask me to be patient with you. But you need to be patient with yourself. And I'll give you a little hint ... we met when you got between me and a Weevil." She leaned forward to kiss his forehead, smiling at Alice as she pulled back. Their captain's daughter smiled back and reached over to squeeze Esther's hand. Jack raised his eyebrows questioningly, even as he blinked rapidly ... a sure sign that he would be returning to sleep soon, and the cycle would start all over again. Esther continued, "You died in my arms, and I almost gave you a concussion when you woke up because I dropped you. Owen still won't let me live that down."
"Owen doesn't have much room to talk, sweetheart. You should have seen the way he reacted the first time Jack came back from the dead in front of him," Suzie answered dryly. They could joke about it now, but it took them a long time to forgive themselves and each other for Abaddon. And Jack, of course, forgave them immediately. Esther raised her brows questioningly and Suzie said with a mischievous smile, "He screamed like a little girl. Of course, part of that was because Jack grabbed his ankle."
Esther snickered and Jack observed with a tired smile, "And yes, you have my permission to tease him about that, Esther. I know you enjoy having things to tease him about." Ianto ducked his head so no one could see his smile, because Jack was absolutely right. Esther thoroughly enjoyed any reason she could find to tease Owen, whom she tended to regard as an older brother. The thoroughly annoying big brother who hid your things and generally made an arse out of himself, but let anyone else mess with you, and he would make their life hell.
"Aww, you take such good care of me, Jack! And so, we're going to take care of you now. Ianto, why don't you and I go get some food for Jack? He's in good hands with Suzie, Alice and Steven," Esther suggested. Steven nodded so vehemently, Ianto thought the boy's head would come off his shoulders. Jack smiled and held his hand out to his grandson, who happily snuggled against his chest. Ianto had a feeling that his captain wouldn't let go of the boy any time soon ... maybe not until it was time for Alice and Steven to leave for the night.
But that was fine, because after they left, it would be Ianto and Esther's turn. The exact body pile changed according to what was necessary for that night. Sometimes, it was Esther sandwiched between Jack and Ianto; sometimes, it was Ianto who reclined between the other two, his head on Esther's chest and Jack spooned up behind him; and sometimes it was Jack who lay curled in Esther's arms as Ianto shielded him from the back. That was what the formation would be like tonight. It was unlikely that there would be any ‘dancing,' but that wasn't what Jack needed right now. It wasn't what any of them needed right now.
"Oi, can I get either of you to bring me something, or do I need to ... ow! Esther, there's no need for you to get mean! Did you see that, Steven?" Suzie complained dramatically as she tugged her hair loose from Esther's fingers. It reminded Ianto a bit of an incident that happened a few months after time was reset ... Esther was turned into a toddler, and was constantly tugging on Suzie's hair. There were times when Ianto could have sworn that Esther continued to do that, because she really did remember what happened during those days, despite her protestations to the contrary. Steven was giggling ... although, that may have been because his grandfather was lightly tickling his sides as Jack's eyes drifted closed.
"We'll bring you something, Suzie, just make sure the captain doesn't fall back to sleep. Steven, you need to help with that, too. Check with your mother, to make sure you're allowed to turn the tables on him," Ianto advised, trying very hard not to laugh ... especially after Steven's eyes brightened. He didn't even bother asking his mother's permission ... he launched a tickle attack of his own, and Ianto used the distraction to pull Esther out of the room. It wasn't that he really needed help with putting the food together ... but the more people who were in the room, the more Jack felt like he needed a mask to protect himself, and them.
The pair walked in silence to the kitchen. They often did this, when someone was in a bad way. Ianto started it before Esther arrived at Torchwood, usually for Jack, but occasionally for Tosh as well. Tosh forgot to take care of herself, and Jack ... there were times when that mask of his dropped and Ianto could see the hole he was walking around with. Sometimes he just hurt too badly to bother with eating and his nightmares prevented him from sleeping. That was when Ianto stepped in, and since Esther joined up with them, she helped as well. They worked well together, Ianto discovered, especially once she figured out where everything was.
As they worked, Esther told Ianto about the times in college when she did this for one of her roommates, or someone on her floor who was going through a hard time. It was something she was good at, something she enjoyed, and she was astonished to discover that it made a difference to the people she was trying to take care of. She also admitted that it seemed like she was a natural caretaker, as she'd been doing it for her sister before Esther left for Cardiff. It didn't surprise Ianto at all to discover that Jack was keeping an eye on Esther's older, fragile sister Sarah and Esther's two young nieces. When Esther worried about them, she got distracted ... and people got dead when they were distracted.
And sometimes, those who cared for others needed care for themselves. Over the months, Ianto came to realize that they all took care of each other in their own ways. Jack would ... and did ... die for them; Owen took care of them when they were ill or injured; Ianto and Esther saw to their comfort; Tosh offered comfort in whatever way she could; while Suzie physically defended them. Ianto saw the strain in Esther's eyes during the last few days, and he murmured, "I think we all need a three-way cuddle tonight." Esther rested her head on his shoulder and Ianto wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head. He wasn't sure about his relationship with Esther ... but he knew that while Jack made things a helluva lot more fun, Esther helped him to keep things stable. Fun was good ... and stable made fun possible.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTW
With each awakening, Jack remembered more and more of the real past, rather than what he saw while he was buried. Whoever was sitting with him at the time would ensure that he ate, would help him to the bathroom when he needed to relieve himself, and soothe his nightmares. They took turns ... Owen's barbs made him smile, Tosh simply held him and told of her latest discoveries, Ianto saw to it that he ate, while Suzie provided normalcy in her own way ... usually by going over the latest attempts from UNIT to try to get into Torchwood. That actually made Jack laugh sometimes ... rather, Suzie's responses made him laugh.
When it was time for Alice and Steven to leave, Alice grasped Esther's hand and whispered, "Take care of him." It was the same every night, part of their night-time ritual. Alice asked Esther to take care of her father, and Steven gave her a hug to give to ‘Uncle Jack.' Esther always promised to do both, checked with whoever was Rift-sitting that night, and then ambled into the room where Jack was regaining his strength. Tonight, Gray was on duty, and he was kissing Jack's forehead before returning to the control room. He smiled at her as they passed, and without saying anything more, she crawled into bed, arranging herself as a proper pillow for Jack, and then Ianto crawled into bed behind Jack. They held him between them, soothing and comforting him through his nightmares. They learned by accident that simple things eased his nightmares ... especially after Aaron buried him alive.
Eventually, all three fell asleep. But even now, Jack found it hard to sleep more than a few hours, and so Esther wasn't at all surprised when she awoke around three am to find him gone. Ianto was still asleep, and to avoid waking him, Esther looked around the room. Eventually she found him at the computer which was used while he was asleep to do whatever needed to be done. She slipped from the bed and padded over to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. His hands came up to cover her wrists as she kissed the side of his head, and he whispered, "You should be asleep."
"I was ... and then I woke up, and my blanket was gone," Esther replied in an equally soft voice. There was a soft huff of laughter and Jack half-turned in the chair, just enough to pull Esther into his lap. Esther snuggled against him, tucking her feet against his bare calves. He was always so warm when he just woke up, and she delighted in putting her cold feet against his bare skin. Esther continued, "What are you thinking about, Jack? You know Owen and Gray will deal with Aaron. All you need to do is focusing on recovering and regaining your strength." But as soon as the words were out, Esther wished she could call them back. Instead, she murmured, "But that's not who you are. What can I do to help?" One of the first things she learned was that Jack would do what he thought was necessary, and thus, you had one of three choices. You could try to stand in his way, but that lasted only so long; you could step aside; or you could figure out a way to help him and be there to pick up the pieces of his soul when he had to do something ugly to spare millions a terrible fate.
She actually had an argument with Alice along those lines once. Esther finally spat out that her father's choices allowed Alice to keep her hands clean and clear of blood. Alice actually reeled away in shock and horror, but Esther stopped caring at that point if she offended Alice's sensibilities. Truly, she didn't even care if she hurt Alice with her fierce defense of Jack. The newest member of Torchwood knew what her priorities were. She had a hurting captain to tend to and a teammate to scold. Suzie beat her to the second (and she was much better at scolding), so Esther focused on comforting Jack.
Jack murmured now, "You're already doing it. Having you and Ianto to hold onto pushes back the nightmares. The way you both take care of everyone, not just me ... that's a big help. I know Owen will take my place if need be, but this started on the Boeshane Peninsula, three thousand years from now, and Gray and I have to determine Aaron's fate. I know Gray wants him dead, but ..." He fell silent and Esther placed light kisses along his jaw line, the corners of his mouth, his eyelids.
"But there's a part of you which wonders if you could have saved him, which sees the little boy he was once upon a time, and you ache at the thought of giving up on that child. Jack, as a hypothetical situation ... if the things you saw in your nightmare were true, if it really was Gray who did these things and you lost Tosh and Owen, what would you have done? What did you do to Gray in your nightmares?" Esther asked as Jack burrowed against her, his face pressed against the side of her neck.
"I put him in cryo ... with the idea that maybe I could wake him up one day and I could get him the help he needed," Jack replied, his breath soft against her skin. Esther resisted shivering, and nodded to herself. That was more or less what she was anticipating. Jack was silent for several moments, and then he asked, "That's what you think should happen to Aaron? You think that he should be put into cryo?" Esther didn't answer right away ... she was too busy running her fingers through Jack's dark hair. He added after a moment, "And why are your feet always so cold? You can put slippers before you join me, you know."
"But then I couldn't warm my feet on your calves," Esther protested and was rewarded with Jack's body trembling with barely suppressed laughter. That wasn't the only place she put her cold, bare feet, but right now, his calves were the easiest to reach. There was always later, after all. She continued after a moment, "I think you should do whatever you think is best, Jack. You'll live far longer than any of us, and with the consequences of your decisions. It's easy for us to judge ... we only have to look at the right now. You have to look long range ... what's best for Torchwood, what's best for Cardiff. And you know something? I have complete faith that you'll make the right choice."
He responded with a light kiss to the side of her neck, murmuring, "Absolute faith, huh? Do I want to know what I did to deserve that?" Esther pulled away to look at Jack more fully and cupped his face in her hands. He looked surprised, but only for a minute, and then his eyes warmed. Dear Lord, he meant so much to her! When she talked about Jack with Sarah, her sister always wondered how she could stand ‘sharing' her man, but Esther didn't see it that way. She saw herself as a partner with Ianto in looking after their stubborn, wounded captain. While they could have done it alone, it worked out far better when they did it together.
"You mean aside from saving her from a Weevil? And why are both of you out of bed? I feel abandoned," Ianto complained, wrapping his arms around both Esther and Jack. Speak of the devil and he appears, she thought, unwinding one arm from Jack's torso to wrap around Ianto. He kissed the nape of Jack's neck, murmuring, "Now, if this isn't of earth-shattering importance, I think we should return to the bed, and Esther can hold you while I have my way with you." Whatever Jack might have said in response was cut off by a soft moan as Esther and Ianto did what they did best, and double-teamed him to get him back to bed, with Esther pushing and Ianto pulling.
As the three curled together, Jack once more safely ensconced between her and Ianto, Esther thought about what she heard about Jack's nightmares. They were far from perfect, but this was one time when the reality was far better than the fantasy. She stroked her fingers through Jack's hair, smiling a little at his purrs of contentment. Yes, they were imperfect, but this world was a little more perfect than what Jack experienced while Aaron took revenge for something beyond Jack's control. And sometimes, a little more perfect was all you could ask.
Fin