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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
813
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
21
Hits:
841

Smurfy

Summary:

answer to use quote challenge: "When I flirt, it's cute, almost smurfy." - originally used in American Dad

Work Text:

“I’m sorry about this,” Derek groused, flopping onto Penelope’s couch.

“It’s okay,” Penelope called from the kitchen. “I’m always happy to lend my Chocolicious a shoulder to cry on.”

Derek rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth only to hear the blender. He scowled at Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory playing on TV. He switched it off. The blender switched off and he opened his mouth to reply but it went on again. He grunted and folded his arms across his chest to wait.

Penelope came in with two tall frosted glasses. “Strawberry daiquiris,” she announced cheerfully. She handed him the glass with the purple umbrella sticking out and kept the one with the pink umbrella for herself.

“Thanks,” Derek said but sounded anything but thankful.

Penelope laughed and settled down next to him. “I promise that I used the good rum. I don’t buy that cheap stuff anymore. Killing brain cells is okay but not taste buds.”

Derek snorted a laugh. “Maybe we should take Reid drinking more often. Maybe then the rest of us would be able to keep up with him.”

Penelope waved that off. “No. He’s a mutant. His brain cells regenerate.” She sipped her drink from a pink corkscrew straw, all the while eyeing him. She swallowed and smiled at the smooth, fruity sweetness. Then she punched his arm. “So,” she prompted.

Derek suddenly found the contents of his glass fascinating. He took a deep pull from his straw and started coughing. He set the glass down on the coffee table. His eyes watered. “My God, Baby Girl,” he croaked. “How much rum did you use?”

“What?” Penelope batted her eyelashes innocently. “I usually make them stronger.”

Derek took a deep breath. “Shit. Remind me never to get in a drinking contest with you. If you like daiquiris stronger than this, then your blood must be ninety proof.”

Penelope sipped from her drink again. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. It’s not that bad.” She smacked the back of his head. “And I applaud your attempt to change the subject. Let me guess, your brilliant plan backfired.”

Derek shifted uncomfortably. “Well,” he hedged.

“I take it Superagent didn’t take well to you flirting with that dishy new agent in anti-terrorism right under his nose.”

Derek frowned. “Yeah,” he grunted.

Penelope set her glass next to Derek’s. She took his hands. She let out a long suffering sigh. “And who told you that was a monumentally stupid idea?”

Derek tried to pull his hands away. “You did,” he grumbled.

Penelope held on tighter. “Maybe this will teach you to heed the words of the Goddess of All Things.”

“I just never expected….”

“What?”

Derek bit his bottom lip. “He didn’t confront me. He just walked out.”

Penelope frowned. “What did you expect him to do?”

“I don’t know. I wanted a reaction,” Derek complained. He snatched his hands away, grabbed his glass, and took another sip. His voice turned into a rasp from all of the cold alcohol. “I wanted him to try to make me stop.”

Penelope jabbed her finger into his chest. “You wanted him jealous.”

“Fine,” Derek sneered. “Yes. I wanted to make the great David Rossi jealous.”

Penelope giggled in the face of Derek’s anger. “I’m sure he was. He’s just not the type to show it in public.”

Derek put his glass back down. He sat hunched, with his forearms resting on his knees. “What do you mean?” he asked moodily.

Penelope took his arm. She gave it an affectionate squeeze and leaned in close to his ear. “I mean,” she drawled. “That if you were to drop in at his house right now, you’ll get all the reaction you want.”

Derek tensed. “You think so?”

“Yeah. Oh, there will be an explosive argument first but the make up sex will more than make up for it.”

Derek let out a shuddering breath in anticipation. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Penelope laughed, low and long. “Not only did you flirt with someone else, it was a male someone else. The women in bars don’t mean anything, but you’re telling me that if the shoe was on the other foot that you wouldn’t be seeing red.”

Derek squirmed and his breathing sped up. “It didn’t mean anything.”

“Oh, Chocolicious, it’s you.”

“Huh?”

“When I flirt, it’s cute, almost smurfy. When you flirt, it can’t be anything but hot and sizzling.” Penelope blew on his ear. “Now, hurry up and go get that reaction you wanted before Rossi has time to cool off.”

Derek jumped up and ran to the door. “Thanks, Baby Girl. See ya later.”

Penelope laughed and waved. “I expect one of you to be limping tomorrow and I expect all the juicy details.”

Derek smirked over his shoulder just before he pulled her door shut behind him. “You got it, Smurfy Girl.”